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Love Stories

Women are celebrating 'self dating' using Miley Cyrus' 'Flowers' as their anthem

"When you're the boyfriend you've always wanted…"

self dating, women, tiktok

Self-dating is one of TikTok's latest trends.

Miley Cyrus' official music video for her new single "Flowers" is less than two weeks old, and it's already racked up a whopping 108 million views on YouTube. The smash hit also broke Spotify's record for the most streams in a single week, knocking K-pop superband BTS and their hit song "Butter" out of the top spot.

There's a reason "Flowers" is making waves. It's not only a catchy tune, but an empowering one, especially for women who've been socialized to believe they need a significant other to make them happy.

While most post-break-up songs are filled with heartache and lament and perhaps a bit of resentment, "Flowers" takes a different tack. While Cyrus sings about not wanting a relationship to end, she ultimately realizes she can give herself what she wants from a partner and it's incredibly liberating.


The song has become an anthem for an already existing TikTok trend of women celebrating "self dating." Rather than waiting around for someone to ask them out, women are taking themselves out—to coffee, to dinner, to bookstores, to the movies—showering themselves with love and attention and enjoying their own company.

For instance, this woman did the "date night challenge," which involves having your date blindly choose between two activities written on cards, but she did it for herself.

@justlikegilmoregirls

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do #barnesandnoble #readersunite #bookwormsoftiktok #bookdate #romancebookstiktok

Another woman demonstrated the connection between "Flowers" and Bruno Mars' "When I Was Your Man," showing how the former song appears to be a direct response to the latter. (And her caption, "Dating yourself is top tier," hit home for a lot of women, as did "When you're the boyfriend you've always wanted.")

@yourtorontolatina

Dating yourself is top tier 💗 #boyfriend #funny #selflove #selfcare #dating #loveyourself #fyp #foryou #trend #viral #flowers #mileycyrus

Some TikTok users have made self-dating into an art, sharing their whys and hows with other women.

@desireefiggins

#fyp #datejar #selflove #selfcare #dateyourself

This woman even committed to only self-dating for an entire year. She shared how she did it and what she learned about herself in the process. "Treat yourself exactly how you'd treat a partner," she shared. Excellent advice for us all.

@zabby1

Replying to @faithyyy this pretty much sums it all up! Treat yourself exactly how’d you treat a partner 🤎

As someone who has been happily married for two decades, I can attest that self-dating isn't just for singles. Self-care is empowering no matter your relationship status, and taking deliberate time to get to know yourself and give yourself what you know you need may even make you a better partner.

@bryntaponn

10/10 highly recomend. #fyp #mileycyrusflowers #selflove #selfdateideas

Having a special someone can be wonderfully fulfilling, but the idea that we need someone else to make us feel fulfilled is problematic in all kinds of ways. In my experience, the more healthy, happy and whole we are on our own, the more we are able to contribute to a relationship. So whether we're single or attached, regularly treating ourselves to a self-dating routine is a win-win for us and for whoever we may eventually end up with—even if that person is simply ourselves.

@susandoingsusanthings/TikTok

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