upworthy

Annie Reneau

Wellness

We asked people what they enjoy that others don't understand. One answer ruled them all.

Surprisingly, research shows that these people are less likely to be neurotic.

Some people genuinely enjoy spending lots of time alone.

Some people have quirky hobbies and interests that other might find odd, so when we asked our Upworthy audience on Facebook, "What's something that you really enjoy that other people can't seem to understand?" and over 1,700 people weighed in, it wasn't too surprising. Some people shared things like housework, cleaning and laundry, which a lot of people see as chores. Others shared different puzzles or forms of art they like doing, and still others shared things like long car rides or grocery shopping.

But what was surprising was the one answer that dominated the list of responses. It came in various wordings, but by far the most common answer to the question was "silent solitude."

alone time, solitude, being alone, home alone Sweet solitude is heavenly for some people.Photo credit: Canva

Here are a few examples:

"Feeling perfectly content, when I’m all alone."

"Being home. Alone. In silence."

"That I enjoy being alone and my soul is at peace in the silence. I don't need to be around others to feel content, and it takes me days to recharge from being overstimulated after having an eventful day surrounded by others."

"Enjoying your own company. Being alone isn’t isolating oneself. It’s intentional peace and healthy… especially for deep feelers/thinkers."

Spending time by ourselves is something some of us relish, while some of us hate being alone. Naturally, this points to the common theory of introversion vs. extraversion, but in some ways, that's overly simplistic. Even the most peopley people among us can enjoy some quality alone time, and not all introverts see time alone as truly enjoyable. (It might be necessary for an introvert's well-being, but not necessarily something they truly revel in.)

sitting alone, solitude, contemplation, being by yourself Being alone doesn't automatically mean being lonely.Photo credit: Canva

Interestingly, studies have found that people who enjoy being alone are not any more or less extraverted than those who don't, though they do tend to be less "sociable." They are also less likely to be neurotic (tense, moody, worrying types) than the generally population and more likely to be open-minded. Those characteristics are the opposite of what social norms often tell us about people who want to be alone.

"If our stereotypes about people who like being alone were true, then we should find that they are neurotic and closed-minded. In fact, just the opposite is true," writes Bella DePaulo, PhD.

being alone, reading, drinking tea, solitude It's healthy to be comfortable being alone with yourself.Photo credit: Canva

There may be lots of reasons some people like to spend time by themselves while others don't. We are naturally social creatures and need social interaction, but some of us find ourselves overstimulated by being around other people all the time. On the flip side, some people find being alone not just unenjoyable, but extremely uncomfortable, which can be a problem.

"Ideally, we should be comfortable with ourselves, alone or with others," writes psychologist Tara Well Ph.D.. "If you are uncomfortable being alone, it means you are uncomfortable being with yourself without distraction, engagement, or affirmation from others. This can be a liability in life. If you cannot be alone, you may stay in situations or make life choices that aren’t good for you in the long run, like staying in a job or a relationship, mainly because you can’t tolerate being alone while transitioning to a better situation."

woman dancing alone, enjoying alone time Enjoying your own company is a gift.Photo credit: Canva

Dr. Well also points out that people can make the most of their alone time, even if it's not something they naturally enjoy. One way is to make it purposeful, setting aside a little time daily to write in a journal, meditate, go for a walk or otherwise engage your mind and body in some form of reflection. Another is to pay attention to self-judgments that might make alone time uncomfortable and challenge them with some compassionate confrontation and counteraction with positive thoughts about yourself.

Alone time can be refreshing and rewarding, especially if it's something you naturally crave. Some people even like to take themselves out on dates or enjoy traveling by themselves. That kind of self-care can be just as important as connecting with others for our overall health and well-being. Being alone doesn't mean being a loner and it doesn't mean being lonely. Some of us genuinely like having quality time with ourselves, whether it makes sense to other people or not.

This article originally appeared last year.

Internet

A Gen Zer used only tech from the 1990s for a week. Here's how he felt at the end.

"I want to step back into the digital world with some mindfulness."

A Gen Zer goes back to the 90s for a week.

Those of us who are old enough to remember the '90s can recall how quickly it seemed like technology was moving at the time. Now that era seems quaint and slow in comparison, which has many people—even those who weren't alive then—yearning for those simpler times.

As convenient as modern smartphones, computers, and the like are, they've added layers of complexity and noise to our lives, prompting some people to question whether it's worth it. Even young people who have grown up immersed in digital screens are taking a step back and wondering what life would be like without modern tech.

cassette player, mixed tape, technology, 1990s, 1980s Technology has come a long way. Giphy

One Gen Zer, who goes by Lucky Boy, even went so far as to experiment with ditching all of his devices and only using technology from the 1990s for a week. No laptop, no iPad, no smartphone, no Kindle. No Spotify, no online gaming, no streaming movies. Just a Tamagotchi, an iMac computer (that ended up not working, forcing him to use pad of paper for his writing), a Sony Discman and CDs, books from the library, a TV/VCR combo (that also ended up not working), and a flip phone that was as close as he could get to a phone from the 90s that would still function.

"One of my goals this week has been to live more life," Lucky Boy said. "I feel like people in the '90s experienced more of life, whereas me, in 2024, I spend most of my day staring at a screen. The library, for example, is an experience of life that we've sort of eliminated because now we can just go online and order a new book or download it straight to our Kindle. We lose that real-world experience of searching through shelves of books, trying to find the one you're looking for, and so if everything we do becomes digital, we're no longer living life in the real world. And so I just want to disconnect from the modern internet world and try to live more in the real world."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Lucky Boy saved one piece of '90s tech for the end of the week, knowing he'd overuse it if he brought it out earlier: The Nintendo 64 with a Super Mario Bros. game included. Video games are video games, as anyone who spent hours playing Space Invaders on an Atari can attest, and Lucky Boy had a blast reliving his childhood with a lower-tech game.

So, how did going a week with only '90s tech affect him?

"It's honestly been a pretty good week," he said. "The lack of stimulation made the little things in life much more enjoyable. I could sit down for a meal with friends without feeling the urge to check my phone, and just sitting on a bench in nature, I was able to fully embrace the beautiful world we live in. Life has just felt simpler…I want to step back into the digital world with a little mindfulness so I can control technology before it controls me."

digital detox, hammock, relaxation, no phone, tech break We all need tech breaks once in a while. Giphy

It's good for all of us to take breaks from our screens sometimes, but most of us probably don't consider going back to a previous era's technology to do a digital detox. Millennials and Gen Zers seem to be turning that direction, however, with a collective affinity for all things analog. Record players, Polaroid cameras, AM/FM radios, cassette players, and "dumb phones" are all the rage with younger adults, and it's rather amusing to their Gen X and boomer parents.

On the one hand, the desire for slower tech and less digital overwhelm is great. On the other hand, anyone who trades in Spotify for a cassette player clearly never had to make a mixed tape from the radio while they were growing up. However, the sentiment is admirable, and it's refreshing to see young people recognizing the need to unplug and, as Lucky Boy says, "live more life" in the real world.

Political polarization is out of control. It doesn't have to be this way.

What I'm going to share here may well be futile, and many people who need to hear this message and take it to heart probably won't. But America is at a precipice we've been hurtling toward for years, and if we don't do something now to slow the momentum, I fear we'll soon find ourselves plummeting over a proverbial cliff, one and all. It's worth an attempt to pull us back from the brink.

We all know that political polarization in the U.S. is reaching a fever pitch. What many people don't seem to recognize is how they individually play a role in it, especially those who are adamant that the "other side" is to blame for the division. As a lifelong political independent, it's been terrifying to watch my fellow Americans become more and more entrenched in hyper-partisanship, seemingly unaware of how they themselves are contributing to the problem, simply by allowing themselves to be pulled further into the partisan binary.

left, right, politics, partisanship, political ideology We can't divide America into "left" and "right." Photo credit: Canva

Democrats say Republicans are the problem. Republicans say Democrats are the problem. The vast majority of us absentmindedly use black-and-white ideological terminology that line up with our political parties to describe our fellow Americans—liberal or conservative, left or right, red or blue—as if 342 million people fit neatly into two political/ideological boxes. As a result, many Americans have found a home and an identity in those boxes, and unfortunately, some have built them into fortresses from which to shoot at the other side—figuratively and literally.

But no matter how people feel about one box or the other, neither of them is really the problem that brought us here. The problem is the premise that they are built on, which is that there are two opposing sides in the first place. It was inevitable that partisanship in a two-party system would eventually lead to an intractable division featuring extreme, binary thinking pushed by those who benefit from that polarization. The "other side" isn't just different, it's depraved. The “other side" isn't just misguided, it's malicious. The "other side" isn't just wrong, it's evil. This kind of thinking is a feature, not a bug.

george washington, party politics, two-party system, farewell address, partisanship George Washington tried to warn us about the perils of partisanship. Giphy

George Washington tried to warn us about this in 1796 when he said that the "spirit of party" was America's "worst enemy" and would eventually lead us to our demise. We're right there, right now. Partisanship has been fully weaponized by those seeking and wielding power, pitting Americans against Americans, convincing them that the "other side" isn't just wrong, but evil. ("But the other side really is evil!" you might be thinking. Thank you for proving the point. The "other side" says exactly the same thing.) The walls of those political and ideological boxes have gotten so high and so thick that we've lost the ability to see one another's humanity.

Many things have gone into how we got here, of course, and there's plenty of blame to be tossed around. But instead of finger pointing when we talk about our polarization problem, what if we were to look inward and own our own individual part in it, whatever that might be?

I would love to invite every American of every persuasion to take a pause, zoom out, and honestly engage with these self-reflection questions:

Do I tend to label people as liberal/left or conservative/right based on what I know about their beliefs?

Do I assume a certain political party affiliation based on what someone looks like/how they dress/where they live?

Do I describe states and cities as "blue" or "red" and make judgments about those places based on those labels?

Do I use generalized terms like "the left" or "the right" to describe large swaths of the American population?

Does the media I watch or listen to speak in those binary terms? Is one used positively and one used negatively?

politics, political divide, polarization, division, party politics Partisanship is divisive in its very nature.Photo credit: Canva

Do I check multiple sources to find what's true before I react or form an opinion about something I see on social media?

Do I seek out a variety of commentary to genuinely try to understand different perspectives?

Do I contact my legislators when I want to see a change in policy, or do I just argue with people on social media about it?

Do I recognize when people are debating in an effort to seek truth and when they're using rhetorical tricks to "win" an argument?

Am I spending more time engaging with people online than I am in real life?

Do I pay more attention to the extreme voices on the political spectrum than to the moderate ones?

Am I aware of how social media algorithms affect what I see and am exposed to?

Do I see how the extreme element of the "side" I most align with is being used to paint my political persuasion in a negative light?

Do I see how the same thing is being done with the extreme element on the other "side"?

Do I acknowledge when someone from my "side" shares misinformation? Do I call it out?

misinformation, b.s., fake news, falsehood, calling out There''s b.s. all over the political spectrum. Giphy

Do I think of a large portion of my fellow Americans as enemies or adversaries? Why do I view them that way?

Do I want to see my fellow Americans as enemies or adversaries? How can I see them differently?

Am I suggesting we stop using labels like left/right, liberal/conservative, etc. altogether? As much as possible, yes. These labels barely help us understand one another anymore—most often they are used to stereotype people or to take one person's objectionable action and ascribe it to the entire "side." So much of our current situation is a result of the extreme generalization of Americans into two groups, when in reality, very few people actually think, believe, live, and act within the confines of however those group labels are defined. Most of us know this intellectually, of course, but it's so easy to be pulled by language to one extreme or the other in a polarized political climate, especially via social media.

That polarization is purposeful, by the way. Giving people a political identity and an "other side" to fight against is one of the easiest ways to gain political power. Unfortunately, it's also playing with fire. (And if you think only one party does it, think again. It's just much easier to spot when it's done by people we disagree with.)

We can't solve our problems using the same means by which they were created. We can't change the politics that weaponizes partisanship if we ourselves are furthering and fueling it with partisanized thinking and rhetoric. We can't respond to political and ideological extremism with more extremism, even if we think our extremism is justified. Literally every extremist thinks their extremism is justified. Black-and-white, us vs. them thinking is extremism. It's becoming so common, we're getting numb to it.

None of us is immune here—this stuff is designed to tap our most primal instincts—but we have to fight it in ourselves. When we feel a push or pull toward binary extremes (which is easily mistaken for believing we're on the righteous side of things) we can consciously pull ourselves back to a place where we see one another's humanity before everything else.

I'm not both-sidesing here or implying that there aren't any legitimate issues with any particular party/side/ideology. What I'm saying is that partisanized discourse has become a zero sum game and too many Americans are willingly being used as pawns in it. While we can't control what other people do, we can reflect on the part we as individuals play and dedicate ourselves to being part of the solution instead of contributing to the problem.

Of course, stepping away from political labels and partisanzied discourse won't instantly solve all of our issues as a nation. But if enough Americans refuse to play the partisan game and reject the binary rhetoric of left/right, liberal/conservative, red/blue, Democrat/Republican, perhaps we can help prevent the U.S. from plunging into the dark, dangerous chasm we've found ourselves at the brink of.

It's worth a shot, at least.

Pop Culture

My Gen Z kids say periods in my texts are 'aggressive.' I'm not stopping anytime soon.

I was texting before they were even born, why should they get to make the rules?

Photo credit: Canva, Screenshot via Annie Reneau

If you want to freak out a Gen Zer, put a period at the end of a text message.

"Hi." ... "Omg, are you mad at me?"

As a Gen X mom of three Gen Z kids in their teens and 20s, there's a lot that I'm willing to concede and even celebrate when it comes to the gap between our generations. I love Gen Z's global consciousness, their openness about mental health, their focus on inclusivity, and their insistence on wearing comfortable shoes with formal wear. But there's one Gen Z feature that I simply cannot abide, and that is the weaponization of basic punctuation.

"It freaks me out when you say 'yes period' in a text," my high schooler told me one day. "It feels so aggressive, like I feel like I'm in trouble or something." I stared at him incredulously as his 20-year-old sister laughed but then agreed with him. "It does! The period makes it feel like you're mad," she said.

texting conversation, periods in texts Misunderstandings happen when people start changing what punctuation means.Screenshot via Annie Reneau

Ah yes, the period, the most benign punctuation mark of them all, is "aggressive." Far from being a mere generational quirk, this misinterpreting of normal punctuation in text messages as aggressive or angry could result in serious communication breakdowns. Talking by text is already hard enough, and now we're adding a layer of meaning that older folks don't have a clue about?

The kids are serious about this, though. According to Gen Zers, pretty much any time someone puts a period at the end of a text, it means they're mad or irritated, as if the period is being emphasized.

period, punctuation, texting, text punctuation Unless you literally say, "period," a period doesn't mean anything but the end of a thought. Giphy GIF by Sony Pictures Television

At the risk of sounding like a dinosaur, I'd like to point out that reading into periods in texts like this is just silly. It seems silly when the young folks do it with each other, but it's extra silly when they do it with adults who didn't grow up with texting and have ingrained grammatical habits that aren't easy to shake. (And frankly, some of us don't want to shake—I'm a former English teacher, for crying out loud. Might as well ask me to start misspelling words on purpose.)

In no reasonable world can "Yes." be automatically viewed as aggressive. It's just not. Neither is "Time to get off the computer." Neither is "Got it." Or "OK." or "Sure." I understand that texting conventions have evolved such that end punctuation isn't viewed as necessary, but when did we start assigning negative intentions to very basic punctuation? A period should not be read as anything more than a matter-of-fact, neutral-toned statement, since we have other tools for conveying tone in writing—capital letters, italics, bold, exclamation points. I mean, if I wanted to be aggressive, I'd text, "HEY—it's time to GET OFF the COMPUTER!" We also have a slew of emojis to convey tone. A period is and has always been neutral. That's literally the entire point of a period.

I'm even willing to give Gen Z an inch on the thumbs-up emoji—they think that's aggressive, too—only because emojis are new and their meanings are up for interpretation. But a period? Not budging. That little dot has been signaling the end of people's thoughts for centuries. Periods can and do sometimes affect tone in subtle ways—"No, I didn't," hits slightly differently than "No. I didn't."—but their basic inclusion at the end of a thought in no way signals aggression or anger, by text or otherwise. Not on Gen X's watch, at least. This is one generational hill I am willing to die on.

mic drop, making a point This Gen Xer will not be swayed. Giphy Parks And Recreation Mic Drop GIF

These unwritten rules of texting seem to have been concocted by Gen Z, but when? And how? Who decides these things? Is there a group of super powerful and influential young adults who put out a bat signal at some point saying that periods are symbols of aggression? If the young folks want to play the reading-into-basic-punctuation game amongst themselves, making communication much more complicated for themselves, have at it. But please don't ascribe intent to us old fogies who've had "declarative statements end in periods" ingrained in us since elementary school.

Texting wasn't always like this. When texting first became a thing, using periods in them was pretty normal. As more and more people started dropping them (and capitalization—another deep English teacher wound), I held firm to their usage, mostly out of habit and feeling like my texts were incomplete without them. As my kids got old enough to text and informed me that periods are viewed by their age group as aggressive, I reconsidered. Should I stop using them, giving in to the tyranny of Gen Z's overthinking? Should I keep using them, embracing the fact that I'm old and set in my ways?

texting, text punctuation, aggressive punctuation, periods in texts Periods are just periods.Photo credit: Canva

Ultimately, I landed on sometimes using periods in texts and sometimes not—a compromise between my own rigid grammar rules and Gen Z's seemingly senseless texting rules. Except only using periods sometimes just confuses my kids even more, which is hilarious. Is Mom mad? Is she not? My daughter said she just has to remind herself who is texting, knowing that I—and most of my generation—simply don't use periods aggressively.

Seriously, it's not happening. Not now. Not ever. Period.

This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated.