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Professor's hilariously exasperated message to students illustrates how teachers are so done

"I will then promptly print 100 copies of the assignment out, put them in a pile, light that pile on fire, and dance around the rubble as it burns. I will then put my hand on the smoldering embers so that I may feel again. Feel what, you might ask? Anything. Literally anything."

Photo by Vanessa Garcia from Pexels

A professor's message to students has gone viral.

If you know any teachers, you probably know how utterly exhausted they all are, from preschools all the way up through college. Pandemic schooling has been rough, to say the least, and teachers have borne the brunt of the impact it's had on students.

Most teachers I've known have bent over backwards to help students succeed during this time, taking kids' mental and emotional health into consideration and extending the flexibility and grace we all could use. But teachers have their own mental and emotional needs, too, and at some point, something's gotta give.

A college student posted screenshots of a professor's message on X (formerly Twitter) with the comment "someone PLEASE check on my professor." It's simply incredible.

The message reads:

"There is no class tomorrow. I've got some things to take care of regarding this and my other class, and my full time job. I have received countless emails about zeroes on assignments either through errors I've made, you've made, or simply people not realizing or knowing they were supposed to turn it in and then realizing in panic they received a zero on it for (surprise), not turning it in. It seems that giving you a free assignment so long as you turn SOMETHING in created far more chaos than good will. Apologies. That's on me. And you. But also me. But also you."

Then it went on…

The professor gave a bulleted list of instructions for what clearly sounds like a very simple, easy assignment designed to give students an opportunity to boost their grades:

  • Submit it. I've extended the deadline until tomorrow before Midnight.
  • If you do NOT turn it in before then. I'm sorry. It's a zero. No excuses at this point and frankly, I regret ever trying to make this assignment easier because it's created more problems at this point.
  • I will look at these, do not do something stupid like type 'b' or 'i did it'. I will become enraged and bitch about you for exactly 15 seconds to anyone within my proximity who will listen. I will not hold back.
  • After I receive these, I will give you full credit (pending the above prerequisites). I will then promptly print 100 copies of the assignment out, put them in a pile, light that pile on fire, and dance around the rubble as it burns. I will then put my hand on the smoldering embers so that I may feel again. Feel what, you might ask? Anything. Literally anything.
  • I will then sleep like a baby, having put this nightmare behind me.

Absolutely classic.

The professor saw the tweet his students shared after it went viral and chimed in with a response.

And he added an update on how things were going on the assignment front.

Other teachers responded to his woes, commiserating over students being handed a chance to improve their scores and simply … not doing it.

It's been a challenge during the pandemic to figure out how much to expect of any of us, hasn't it? Some leeway is definitely warranted, but are we enabling bad habits when we give too much? There are no right answers to that question. We're all winging it, trying to navigate uncharted waters and having to constantly readjust as things change.

It's exhausting. We're all exhausted. But teachers are at a level of "done" that few of us can fathom. Healthcare workers can fathom it. Anyone working with the public during the pandemic might get close. But until you've actually taught, you don't know. Teaching is hard under normal circumstances. Pandemic teaching is a whole other ballgame.

We feel you, teachers. Hang in there, and enjoy this bit that will undoubtedly feel familiar:

This article originally appeared four years ago.

Culture

Man's through-the-wall piano duet with a mystery neighbor became a beautiful love story

At first, it seemed like the perfect romantic meet-cute, but turned out to be something far more meaningful.

Photo by Bora Sözüer on Unsplash
person playing piano

Sometimes the right two people come along at the right time in each other's lives, and a story for the ages is born. But it's rare that we get to see such stories captured in real-time. This time we're lucky. In a silent saga befitting a Pixar short film—complete with soundtrack—a TikToker and his mystery neighbor have taken us all on a beautiful journey of music, love, longing, and loss.

Giorgio Lo Porto is an Italian living in London, and on February 6, he shared a video of his new neighbor playing piano. The music is muffled behind their shared wall, but clear enough to hear. Lo Porto wrote that he left a note for the mystery neighbor, telling them he loved their music and asking if they could play "My Heart Will Go On." And so they did.

Lo Porto left another note suggesting that they play something together, each in their own apartments. A call-and-response duet of sorts. He didn't know if they'd do it, or if they'd forget when the time came. He also said he himself hadn't played in months. But he started playing at 2pm, and as soon as he stopped, the neighbor began.

Their duets became a weekend "meet up," playing back and forth through their shared wall.

You can watch a compilation of the performance below but keep reading because there is so much more to this beautiful story:


Two neighbours playing piano between a wall - Giorgio and Emilwww.youtube.com



Seems like a perfect meet-cute in a romantic comedy, doesn't it?

On Valentine's Day, they played a duet and Lo Porto wrote "It's Valentine's Day. We're in lockdown. This was our way of saying, I don't know who you are but I'm here. You're not alone."

Then it came time for them to meet.

"Well, today I have met my neighbor," Lo Porto wrote in a video shared on February 21. "It was better than expected."

"His name is Emil..."

@giorgio_lp_ I wasn't surprised - I knew there was a special soul behind that wall ##fyp ##foryou ##music ##neighbour ##love ##piano ##foryoupage
♬ original sound - Giorgio Lo Porto

"He is 78 years old, originally from Poland. This is his temporary accommodation while he waits for his house to be sold."

"He lost his wife in December due to COVID," Lo Porto shared. "And all he has left is the piano. And the reason why he plays at 2pm every weekend is because his wife loved it."

"He thanked me for keeping him motivated and less lonely. And I promised that I'll play with him until he moves out."

"He is camera shy," he added. "But I'll try again when he's ready."

Lo Porto shared that Emil is "a special soul" and that "he is fine now, healing." And his piano playing is just gorgeous.

Playing with Emil inspired Lo Porto to write his own song. "I woke up with 3 notes in my head," he wrote on February 27.

He added some string orchestration to it and called it "Dear Emil." It's the first song he's ever written.

"When I wrote this piece I started picturing Emil's life," he wrote. "A 78 y.o. widower who lost his wife due to this stupid virus. Spending days at home alone due to lockdown. Looking forward to play her favourite piano songs at 2pm every weekend, until a note appeared on his door. A letter showing he was heard and not alone. And a new friendship started. Two pianos between a wall, not knowing who was playing. But it didn't matter."

"You can be the light of somebody else's darkness. So keep shining."

On February 26, Lo Porto announced that Emil was moving out the following week, and shared their last weekend duet—the much requested "Moonlight Sonata."

He said Emil still didn't want to be on camera, but said he was much happier and thanked everyone who had been watching their duets. Lo Porto promised he would keep playing for him on the weekends.

It would be lovely if the story ended there, but it doesn't. (May need a tissue now if you haven't already grabbed one.)

Lo Porto shared on March 14th that he'd received word that Emil had passed away in his sleep: "And now he is reunited with his wife."

"Dear Emil," he wrote. "I knew very little about you, but you changed my life. You gave me back my passion, and we shared that with the world. You'll be in my heart. I'll keep playing, thinking of how powerful music can be. You said I was your light, but you've been mine too. Bye, Emil."

If you needed a good cry today, hope that helped. And if you needed a reminder that humans can be wonderful and life can connect us in beautiful and mysterious ways, now you've got one.

Lo Porto says he will have a full version of "Dear Emil" up on YouTube soon. You can listen to it on Spotify as well.


This article originally appeared four years ago.

Photo by Sean Benesh on Unsplash

Some facts are only useful for trivia contests.

Ah, useless facts. Random knowledge that serves no purpose other than to take up space in our brains, and maybe, just maybe, win a trivia game (yeah right) or kill time at a party.

Leave it to Ask Reddit to resurface all things odd and amusing, though. People shared their own useless facts that live rent free in their heads. And though they might be pointless, they are certainly entertaining.

Without further do:

  Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.

Yep, this useless fact has stayed with us since elementary school. On the bright side, it’s been the source of many a fun meme.

Vending machines are more deadly than sharks.

Gif of a zombie vending machine in a graveyardanimation domination lol GIF by gifnewsGiphy

Think about this next time you go to retrieve a Snickers bar: Between 2002 and 2015, the National Electronic Surveillance System reported that vending machines caused four deaths per year in the U.S. Mostly due to people tipping the machines onto themselves.

Compare that to the shark-related deaths averaging out to just 0.6 deaths per year. Not sure how only about half of a person is considered dead, but math was never my strength.

This statistic might need to be taken with a grain of sea salt, however, given that those in landlocked states have next-to-zero chances of experiencing a shark attack. But there you have it, a useless fact to use when you’re at the beach.

Snails have teeth.

Gif of a snail biting someone's fingerhorror finger GIF by absurdnoiseGiphy

“They’re not big enough teeth to hurt humans. That’s what makes it a useless fact to know. & it won’t leave my head because it’s juuuuuust disturbing enough to make me rethink my entire opinion on snails.” – ghosts-go-boo

But cows do not.

At least, no upper front teeth. Makes chewing—and dentist visits—easier I suppose.

The Sun is about 400 times bigger than the Moon but also about 400 times farther away from Earth. So they look to be about the same size.

A black and white photo of a solar eclipse

A solar eclipse.

commons.wikimedia.org

This explains how the sun can be completely blocked in an eclipse.

Pigeons and doves are in the same bird family.

Gif of animated pigeons standing next to breadHappy Animation GIF by sahlooterGiphy

Columbidae is a subspecies of birds that are stout bodied, with short necks, and primarily feed on seeds, fruits and plants. Though one lives on as a symbol of peace and love, and the other is often considered a flying rat, the names are practically interchangeable.

However, thinking about Stevie Nicks singing, “just like a white-winged pigeon” doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.

The length of a jiffy…

Gif of the Doc Brown from Back to the Futureback to the future great scott GIFGiphy

According to ScienceFocus.com, physicists use a “jiffy” to define how long light takes to travel one femtometer (which is a tiny fraction of a millimeter). In layman’s terms, one jiffy equals one-fiftieth of a second.

So next time you say, “be back in a jiffy,” know that you better return really, really, really fast.

Most corn is inedible for humans.

corn cob on teal surface

Who knew?

Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

1% of the corn grown in the USA is sweet corn (the corn you eat as corn). The other 99% is field corn (or dent corn), which is fairly inedible raw and needs to be processed before human consumption. This field corn is also what they use for non-edible corn products, like ethanol, paint, cosmetics, etc. Yes, most corn goes to livestock feed. Ethanol and High Fructose Corn Syrup are up there as well. Yes, if you're driving on a highway and are passing fields of corn, you very likely cannot eat it.” – Kat_lbltko1pl

Infants have flexible bones.

Gif of stretching baby in diaperstretching GIF by AFV BabiesGiphy

Ever wonder why toddlers seem so much more flexible? This is because a baby’s skeleton is very different from an adult's. Babies are born with about 300 bones (94 more than adults) that are joined together with pliable cartilage to make that whole birth thing possible. As they get older, the bones will fuse together. And suddenly that toe touch is nothing but a distant dream of the past.

Numbers from 1-999 don't have the letter "a" in word form.

white printing paper with numbers

Sorry if your math teacher never told you.

Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash

Some vowels just don’t get the respect they deserve.

John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald are both known by three names. And each full name is composed of 15 letters.

Gif of Milhouse dressed as Abraham Lincoln behind textsurprised season 4 GIFGiphy

Actually, this is not entirely correct. Oswald’s full name was not used until after Kennedy’s assassination, due to his habit of adopting false names.

Cockroaches molt.

Unlike a reptile shedding it’s skin, cockroaches molt out of their entire exoskeleton. Out crawls a soft, fleshy, ghostly-white creature that will turn brown over a few hours. You’re welcome for the nightmare fuel.

There you have it. Gems of wisdom no one asked for. They say knowledge is power. But in this case, I’d say knowledge is unnecessary. But still fun!

This article originally appeared three years ago.