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Joy

European tourist describes the things he likes most and least about traveling across America

A lot of Americans agreed with him.

european tourists, best parts of america, worst of america

A server taking orders in a restaurant and a man enjoying a U.S. National Park

When we try to take stock of where we live, sometimes we can be too close to things to appreciate what's right in front of our eyes. It can also be hard to accurately assess some of the problems we’ve learned to live with over the years.

That’s why a Reddit post by a Dutch tourist who spent some time in the U.S. resonates with many Americans and Europeans alike. In the post, a Reddit user named MikJon shared the things they liked and didn’t like about their time in America.

They noted they didn’t post anything about politics, taxes or healthcare because those issues aren't relevant to tourists.

Here are the 5 things that they liked:


1. Nature

Raw, wild and untouched, and—most of all—VAST. The sheer vastness AND variety of nature and pure wilderness here are definitely unmatched in Europe. Specifically the little nature we have in The Netherlands is laughable compared to the USA.

2. People

People are generally approachable and friendly. Yes, I do like Americans, at least their overall demeanor. I would be greeted and asked where I'm from, even by someone at the 7-11. In general Dutch people are quite rude.

3. Free refills!

This is a small thing but really unheard of in the Netherlands. In my country, you pay the same price for just one tiny cup of coffee. In fact, all drinks you order are tiny in The Netherlands and you pay for each one.

4. Traffic lights across the street

I can't for the life of my understand why we still have to lean over the steering wheel and get a sore neck looking straight upward at the traffic lights in Europe.

5. The doggy bag

You MIGHT be able to get to take your leftover with you in certain places in The Netherlands, but it is really not the norm, and would surely raise an eyebrow if you ask. Here it is normal and I find it very good to not let the food go to waste. Besides, I did pay for it so it's nice to be able to take it with me.

Here are the top 4 things they liked least:


1. Tipping!

Why the heck do I need to be partly responsible for a proper salary for these people? Also, it is just annoying to have to calculate the tip every time. It is also annoying that listed prices are almost exclusively without tax. In my country—and across most of Europe as far as I'm aware—you pay exactly what is listed as the price. No hidden surprises.

2. The food, especially breakfast

Almost everything contains sugar. Breakfast is never with fresh bread and fresh good meats and cheese. In fact, American cheese is awful, but maybe I'm spoiled living in a cheese country. For dinner the food isn't quite as bad, but it's still nowhere near the quality and variety that you find in Europe.

3. Plastic!

Too much plastic is a problem in Europe also, but the amount of plastic (and styrofoam or other disposable crap) used here is bizarre. I also find it really bizarre that in every hotel breakfast, it's all disposable cutlery and plates also. You really NEVER see this in Europe, not even in the cheapest hotels.

4. Imperial measurements

Gallons, miles, feet and especially Fahrenheit is so bizarre. Also because the conversion factor to metric is odd. Almost all the world, as well as the scientific world, uses metric which makes so much more sense in every way. Why does the U.S. hold on to such an archaic system?

A Belgian Redditor named Jakisirtaki mostly agreed with the original poster.

PRO:

European (Belgian) here who just came back from a one-month road trip in the U.S. I'm so jealous of the magnificent nature you have in your country. I saw so many beautiful sights! Please treasure it. I disagree with the low-quality food, I had both really good meals and really poor ones. Best Thai food I ever had was in LA. Also, so many places sell drip coffee just the way I like it, not some watered-down espressos. Loved that! Another like were the many (mostly) clean and free restrooms.

Having to pay for using a dirty restroom in a rest area along the highway in Europe sucks. That being said, some restrooms in the U.S. really didn't care about my privacy with one-inch gaps everywhere. Driving was so convenient, being a pedestrian not so much. I biked through SF but couldn't say I felt very safe.

CON:

Dislikes were the tipping culture and prices listed pre-tax. I mean, I ordered food or drinks to go a couple of times where I often had to tip in advance only for something to go wrong with my order. Not getting my tip back am I?

Domina from New Zealand is a big fan of Americans’ “can-do” attitude.

Like:

Sports culture, have-a-go culture, general enjoyment of life, being encouraging of people that are willing to try something or hustle, low barrier to entry for someone starting a business, online shopping, gas stoves, diversity across the different parts of the country, super friendly, most people are big on values, pride in keeping towns tidy.

Dislike:

Tipping (I know you have it already but seriously, what gives), treatment of indigenous history, lack of consumer protection, level of poverty, strange policy-making that reinforces lack of trust in government, occasional respect for road rules, hard-to-access to good quality produce at a reasonable price, no ring-pulls on tinned food.

Just pet peeves. Overall I freaking love being in U.S.! This country rules and will continue to rule!

Edit: I forgot to add innovation. It feels like this country could invent anything.

Kelpo has a real problem with how people get around in Los Angeles.

I went to LA recently and found the car-centric culture suuuuper inconvenient for a tourist. Every time you want to see a thing, you need to research it beforehand and then drive there. Want to see another thing? More research, then drive. In just about any other city I've ever been I would just head to the city center and explore on foot and pop in to whatever place looked interesting.

Admittedly it was a short trip and maybe I did it wrong, but the closest thing to being able to just wander around was in downtown, and even there, you occasionally have to walk over a nice 8-lane highway, which is a long way to walk (and be wary of certain neighborhoods and whatever).

That and since a car had to be involved at every step, you couldn't really stop for a few beers or whatever. I guess locals either plan their days better or drive drunk.

An American who goes by HTC864 took on the original poster’s points one by one and, for the most part, agreed.

Nature

Natural resources have always been the big selling point.

People

People are generally approachable and friendly. I think this changes depending on which area of the country you're in, but I also don't know anything about the Dutch in comparison.

Free refills

Just [happy face emoji]

Traffic lights across the street

Weird to me that it would be any other way.

The doggy bag

I wouldn't have thought this was an issue anywhere. Is the resistance to taking home food a European thing or just in the Netherlands?

Tipping

Hard agree. I think most of us know this system isn't helpful and should be done away with.

The food, especially breakfast

There are a lot of variances, but we do overuse sugar (and salt) on top of having larger-than-needed portions.

Plastic

Again, hard agree. We need to do more to reduce our overuse of plastics, although we'll probably never be rid of them.

Imperial measurements

Doesn't bother my day-to-day, but it would make more sense for there to be one international standard.

A New Yorker with the username inbettywhitewetrust realized they need to appreciate the beauty in their own backyard.

As a New Yorker, it's funny to see the vastness of nature as the first one. Your post motivates me to go on domestic vacations instead of galavanting around Europe in the summers; I really haven't seen any of the U.S. aside from the East Coast's major cities.

Accomplished-Sky-434, an American who recently visited the Netherlands, turned the conversation around and shared what they thought about the original poster’s city.

Pros:

Amsterdam is a beautiful city. It was pretty clean and felt safe too!

Fresh and tasty food everywhere! Maybe this is just my perception from my recent experience but every meal we ate seemed like it was made from fresh ingredients. Made everything seem that much more tasty. Especially the cheese!

The walkability. A 30-minute walk in Amsterdam city center was nothing. If anything it was a delight walking past tiny cafes and beautiful buildings. In the U.S. a 30-minute walk is a no-go almost anywhere. A 30-minute walk in Texas means you're walking along major roads and under/over freeway overpasses.

Tipping was totally not expected! Anytime I did tip the servers in NL were genuinely grateful. Unlike the U.S. where if you don’t tip it’s viewed very negatively.

Lots of really cool things to do. From museums to river cruises and coffee shops. Need I say more?

Cons:

Taxi drivers try to take advantage of you. Maybe this is the same in the U.S. but I don’t ever use taxis here. In Amsterdam, I tried approaching taxi drivers and they almost always made up some kind of excuse like "minimum payment is €40 regardless of distance" or "I can only take you this far, you have to walk the rest.’" I learned to just use Uber while I was there.

Hard to find gluten-free food! I have celiac disease so I have to eat gluten-free. Not much of a problem in the U.S. for a number of reasons but in the Netherlands, restaurants rarely advertised gluten-free options, had gluten-free menus, or had any items on their menu that were gluten-free.

Planet

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True

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Health

We asked people what they really enjoy that others can't understand. One answer dominated.

Interestingly, research shows that these people are particularly unlikely to be neurotic.

Canva

Some people really enjoy being alone.

We recently asked our Upworthy audience on Facebook, "What's something that you really enjoy that other people can't seem to understand?" and over 1,700 people weighed in. Some people shared things like housework, cleaning and laundry, which a lot of people see as chores. Others shared different puzzles or forms of art they like doing, and still others shared things like long car rides or grocery shopping.

But one answer dominated the list of responses. It came in various wordings, but by far the most common answer to the question was "silent solitude." Here are a few examples:

"Feeling perfectly content, when I’m all alone."

"Being home. Alone. In silence."

"That I enjoy being alone and my soul is at peace in the silence. I don't need to be around others to feel content, and it takes me days to recharge from being overstimulated after having an eventful day surrounded by others."

"Enjoying your own company. Being alone isn’t isolating oneself. It’s intentional peace and healthy… especially for deep feelers/thinkers."

Spending time by ourselves is something some of us relish, while some of us hate being alone. Naturally, this points to the common theory of introversion vs. extraversion, but in some ways, that's overly simplistic. Even the most peopley people among us can enjoy some quality alone time, and not all introverts see time alone as truly enjoyable. (It might be necessary for an introvert's well-being, but not necessarily something they truly revel in.)

Interesting, studies have found that people who enjoy being alone are not any more or less extraverted than those who don't, though they do tend to be less "sociable." They are also less likely to be neurotic (tense, moody, worrying types) than the generally population and more likely to be open-minded. Those characteristics are the opposite of what social norms often tell us about people who want to be alone.

"If our stereotypes about people who like being alone were true, then we should find that they are neurotic and closed-minded. In fact, just the opposite is true," writes Bella DePaulo, PhD.

There may be lots of reasons some people like to spend time by themselves while others don't. We are naturally social creatures and need social interaction, but some of us find ourselves overstimulated by being around other people all the time. On the flip side, some people find being alone not just unenjoyable, but extremely uncomfortable, which can be a problem.

"Ideally, we should be comfortable with ourselves, alone or with others," writes psychologist Tara Well Ph.D.. "If you are uncomfortable being alone, it means you are uncomfortable being with yourself without distraction, engagement, or affirmation from others. This can be a liability in life. If you cannot be alone, you may stay in situations or make life choices that aren’t good for you in the long run, like staying in a job or a relationship, mainly because you can’t tolerate being alone while transitioning to a better situation."

Dr. Well also points out that people can make the most of their alone time, even if it's not something they naturally enjoy. One way is to make it purposeful, setting aside a little time daily to write in a journal, meditate, go for a walk or otherwise engage your mind and body in some form of reflection. Another is to pay attention to self-judgments that might make alone time uncomfortable and challenge them with some compassionate confrontation and counteraction with positive thoughts about yourself.

Alone time can be refreshing and rewarding, especially if it's something you naturally crave. Some people even like to take themselves out on dates or enjoy traveling by themselves. That kind of self-care can be just as important as connecting with others for our overall health and well-being. Being alone doesn't mean being a loner and it doesn't mean being lonely. Some of us genuinely like having quality time with ourselves, whether it makes sense to other people or not.


This article originally appeared last year.

Health

From the guy who brought us FOMO, here's how to combat its 'insidious twin,' FOBO

FOBO might actually be causing more damage in your everyday life. Here's how to fix it.

Patrick J. McGinnis called FOBO "FOMO's insidious twin"

Thanks to “pop entrepreneur” and author Patrick J. McGinnis back in 2004, we had a term to quantify that inexplicable dread of possibly missing out on something fun, grand, or important, otherwise known as “FOMO.

But McGinnis also coined a term that, arguably, is even more applicable in our everyday lives—“FOBO.” FOBO, as McGinnis writes on his blog, is the “insidious twin of FOMO,” standing for Fear Of a Better Option.

While both FOMO and FOBO are similar in that both derive from a fear of making the “wrong” decision, FOBO distinguishes itself in “intentionality,” McGinnis explains, describing FOMO as "involuntary" and FOBO as a more deliberate “coping mechanism” to the abundance of choices to be made in the modern day.

“When facing these decisions, you pass them through several lenses: your life experience, past disappointments, and yours and other people's expectations, among others. The more choices you have, the more you have to think about when you’re trying to make a decision. What if you choose the wrong thing…You think to yourself: “I have an idea - I’ll just not decide!” You delay making decisions for as long as possible just in case something actually does come along.”

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According to McGinnis, FOBO can look like refusing to “settle” for the options available to us in the moment, piling up as many options as possible, constantly responding with “maybes” or “I’ll get back to you on that,” abandoning ship when it’s time to actually finalize plans, or canceling any plans made a the last minute for “another, shinier option.” I think any of us can remember a time when we were guilty of something like this.

And while McGinnis originally intended for FOBO to be used in the setting of an office environment, it’s easy to see how it manifests in our everyday lives, causing us to never truly commit to anything—including potential passion projects, friends, family functions, you name it—and thus never truly feeling a sense of fulfillment, growth, or trust in our decision making.

“FOBO is a serious problem that can inflict far more damage than FOMO,” McGinnis told Huffpost. “Unlike FOMO, which is largely an internal struggle that mostly hurts you, the costs of FOBO aren’t just borne by you, they are also imposed on those around you.”

So how does one combat FOBO? What strategies help us no longer live in the “in-between” land of "maybe" and trust our instinct once and for all? There are several expert suggestions for this. And while they may be oriented towards work and career, you can easily apply the principles to your everyday life.

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For instance, career coach Helen Thomas suggests getting clear on your main values, doing actual research on something you are pondering (rather than letting it sit in your head), adopting a progress over perfection mindset (as in, accepting that whatever choice you may need not be perfect, so long as you actually make it and act on it), making a contingency plan for if your original decision doesn’t work out the way you had hoped, and of course, committing to a path while accepting that maybe there is no one “right” choice. It all boils down to embracing imperfection while being devoted to your growth, really.

And finally, some words of encouragement form McGinnis himself:

“FOBO is a learned behavior, but it can be unlearned as well. And while you might think that cutting down your options will mean you’ll suffer, you’ll find it is actually entirely liberating.”

Joy

Single woman shares the hilarious 'deal breaker' she uses when she doesn't want a second date

Jo Brundza has mastered the art of painlessly getting out of a second date by making them reject her.

How Jo Brundza gets out of a date.

It's uncomfortable for people to tell someone they met for a first date that they aren’t interested in a second one because nobody enjoys hurting another person’s feelings. TikToker Jo Brundza has mastered the art of painlessly getting out of a second date by making them reject her.

How does she do it? Once she realizes she doesn’t want to see them again, she rants about the moon.

“From that realization and on, I spend the rest of the date trying to convince the other person that I don’t think the moon is real,” she says. Now, many folks out there incorrectly believe that the moon landing was faked, but she goes a step further by saying the massive celestial object doesn’t exist at all.

“They’re typically too stunned to argue back,” she says.

@jbrundz

They’re typically too stunned to argue back #fyp #dating #funny #bits

In a follow-up video, Brundza outlines the three arguments she uses to prove that the moon isn’t real:

1. If you know, you know

"I just think it's ridiculous that all these billionaires are going up into space. I mean, when they get up there, what do they expect to be there, or not be up there?"

2. False evidence

"Look, I'm just saying that if you look at the science of how light refraction works when it enters the atmosphere, it would bend it in a way that to the naked eye would look like solid mass, but it's not. Also, at the end of the day, do you know anyone who has actually been to the moon?"

3. Blame Greenland

"Eighty percent of the island is covered in ice and uninhabitable. You're really gonna tell me that's not where the projectors are? Actually, now that I think about it, do you personally know anyone who's ever been to Greenland?"

@jbrundz

Replying to @TySpice Bonus points if you can somehow work in that the sun is fake too #fyp #funny #bits

Works like a charm.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

Mental Health

Things people 'used to believe in strongly' but no longer do

From adults being "smart" to the idea that "everything happens for a reason."

People used to believe "strongly" in these things but no longer do.

It’s normal to adapt your worldview with time and wisdom, especially after realizing that a lot of your past beliefs were built on shaky foundations. When I was a kid, for example, I used to think every doctor on the planet was a virtuous genius—and then I had the pleasure of searching for a long-term gastroenterologist. (I did find a virtuous genius, mind you. But it took a lot of searching.)

On that note, it’s a fascinating exercise to think about our shifting perceptions. In a recent viral post, a group of strangers sounded off on the following prompt: "What’s something you used to believe in strongly but no longer do?"

As of this writing, the top response in the r/AskReddit thread is, "I used to really believe in 'everything happens for a reason,' but now I think sometimes things just happen and we make meaning from it." The exchanges are both enlightening and hilarious as people politely debate the very definition of "reason."

- YouTubeTurning 40 got me thinking about all the lessons I've learned over the years—things I wish someone had told me in my 20s and ...

"It’s up to us to find meaning in what happens," another user wrote, pointing to the random nature of life. "[N]ot everything has some bigger purpose."

Someone replied that "things happen for reasons," just not by some grandiose design. "[H]istory is less God’s plan and more eldritch Lovecraftian chaos. The events of your life were largely decided long ago by patterns of history and culture that none of us can really understand other than to break them down to hyper specific pieces. Even then it largely just seems to drive us insane."

Of course, the question of faith and God was popular and reflected recent research on Americans and religion. In September 2022, the Pew Research Center published a report focused on the decline of Americans’ religious beliefs in recent decades. "Since 2007, the percentage of adults who say they are atheist, agnostic or 'nothing in particular' in the Center’s surveys has grown from 16% to 29%," they wrote. "During this time, the share of U.S. adults who identify as Christian has fallen from 78% to 63%."

Perhaps the most succinct reply in this exchange: "There is a reason. That reason is just usually a combination of entropy and human stupidity."

Someone else wrote that they no longer believe "that adults [are] smart," earning a lot of upvotes. As I illustrated in my comment about doctors, I couldn’t agree more with this one. Growing up, I thought all people over 30 (even those with a low IQ), were rich in other forms of intelligence like life experience and street smarts. Now I’m older than my parents were when I was born, and I realize how wrong I was.

gif of Joey Tribbiana tapping his head and saying, "Not just a hat rack, my friend."Season 6 Knowledge GIF by FriendsGiphy

One user no longer believes that "everything that goes around comes around," and they weren’t alone. In an amazing response, someone wrote, "Karma is highly misunderstood. Good and bad don’t exist; it’s all a matter of perspective. Karma is closer to physics—actions and decisions create consequences that affect our lives in sometimes unseen or unpredictable ways." Deep.

Other responses touch on the death penalty, the nature of empathy, marriage, spirituality, the nature of truth, welfare, marijuana, the idea that "you should never walk out of a job," Santa Claus, the justice system, the American Dream, and the concept of college being "always worth it."

On a lighter note, someone simply wrote, "[That] mayo on fries is gross. Spoiler, it's not."

Celebrity

1930s actress gave up Hollywood at the peak of her career because she refused to 'pass' as white

The character that made her famous was ashamed of her heritage, but Fredi Washington was not.

1930s actress refused to 'pass' as white, so she quit Hollywood instead.

A lot has changed since the early to mid 1900s. We no longer see "whites only" signs tauntingly hanging above water fountains or outside of pools or restaurants. The only place you'll find a sign that says "No Blacks. No Mexicans. No dogs" now is inside of a civil rights museum, but this wasn't always the case.

Living in the 21st century it can be easy to forget that in our not too distant past, segregation, racism and discrimination was the norm. Discrimination was written into laws and it took brave people to stand up against a system that held them as second class citizens. It wasn't just the civil rights leaders we learn about in school that made a stand, it took people from all industries and walks of life to speak up even if it meant they may lose the little privileges they had.

Fredrika "Fredi" Carolyn Washington was one of those people that used her voice during a time when it would've been easier to stay quiet. Washington was an actress and dancer in the 1930s who catapulted to fame with her portrayal of Peola Johnson, the daughter of a Black housekeeper who decided to pass for white to obtain access to better opportunities and social standing in a segregated America in the 1934 film Imitation of Life.

Just like her character, Washington was so fair-skinned that she looked white to those who didn't know her, though that's where the similarities to her character ended. Though she had blue-grey eyes and light brown hair with a loose curl, she had no personal interest in pretending to be white even if doing so would greatly benefit her career and her life.

Washington explained to the Chicago Defender in 1935 at the height of her fame, “I have never tried to pass for white and never had any desire, I am proud of my race.” In Imitation of Life, I was showing how a girl might feel under the circumstances but I am not showing how I felt.”

After her success playing Peola, Washington faced a dilemma. In order for her career to keep thriving after her breakout hit, she was advised to pass as white to get more roles. At the time, Black women were type cast in servant roles like maids, cooks, or caregivers, but Washington was too fair-skinned to believably play those parts. If she wanted lead roles, she would need to pass as white since only white women were allowed to play lead romantic interests.

"Early in my career it was suggested that I might get further by passing as French or something exotic. But there was no way I could do that, feeling the way I do. I felt you do not have to be white to be good. I've spent most of my life trying to prove that to people who thought otherwise," Washington said in 1945.

Washington later starred in the 1937 film One Mile from Heaven, which was her first role since her success as Peola three years earlier. The actress had to use makeup to darken her skin for the role and, afterwards, she decided to walk away from Hollywood for good. Instead, Washington focused on African-American Civil Rights, even co-founding the Negro Actors Guild of America (NAG).

Washington expressed no regrets about her refusal to pass, saying, "But to pass, for economic or other advantages, would have meant that I swallowed, whole hog, the idea of Black inferiority. I did not think up this system, and I was not responsible for how I looked. I'm a Black woman and proud of it and I will fight injustices and encourage others to fight them until the day I die or until there is nothing to fight against."

While quite a few Black people with fairer complexions and racially ambiguous features chose to pass as white during segregation (and beyond), Washington wasn't alone in her refusal. Passing as white often meant completely alienating yourself from your family and friends, participating in the very treatment you were trying to avoid having inflicted on yourself, and living in fear of being found out. In fact, many Black authors of the Harlem Renaissance penned novels and essays about passing and its consequences, the most prominent of which being Passing by Nella Larsen (1929).

Washington rejected any idea of passing to make her life easier. Instead, she focused her efforts on bettering the lives of Black Americans through her co-founding of the NAG, her work with the NAACP, and lobbying for federal protections for Black people. She lived to be 90 years old.