Tod Perry

  • A linguist from Alabama explains the surprising origin story of the Southern word ‘y’all’
    The history of the word "y'all."Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

    Head anywhere in the Southern United States, and you are likely to hear one distinct word: “y’all.” “Y’all,” which combines the words “you” and “all,” may be predominantly used in the South—but not for long.

    Paul E. Reed, a linguist at the University of Alabama who studies Southern American English and Appalachian English, told NPR in 2025 that “it’s expanded much more outside of the South” thanks to Americans under 40. (Add it to the list of Gen Z slang.)

    How “y’all” entered the English vernacular is a fascinating tale. Linguist Danny Hieber, PhD, explained the origin story of “y’all” to his TikTok followers—and it stems from a surprising language.

    @linguisticdiscovery

    What do all y’all think about “y’all”? @Landon If you enjoyed this video, you’ll love the Linguistic Discovery newsletter! Deep dives into how language works, language profiles, explainers of terms/concepts in linguistics, reviews, and more! LinguisticDiscovery.com/newsletter (Also available on Substack or Patreon.) #yall #yalldve #South #Southern #English #dialects #grammar #pronouns #linguistics #language#French#LingTok#LearnOnTikTok

    ♬ original sound – Linguistic Discovery – Danny Hieber, PhD

    A linguist explains the ‘y’all’ backstory

    According to Hieber, present-day English doesn’t have a plural form of the word “you” like other languages. In Old English, there were three forms of “you”:

    • Thou (subject)
    • Thee (object)
    • Thine (possessive)

    Hieber goes on to explain that “you” became singular thanks to French. In French, “you” translated to:

    • Tu (singular)
    • Vous (plural + polite)

    “After the Norman Conquest of England in 1066, French had a huge influence on English,” he said. “So English speakers started borrowing that pattern into English and used ‘you’ to politely address one person.”

    He added that over time, this became the default way to address a single person. Along those same lines, the word “be” also followed suit.

    “It used to be that the verb ‘be’ was conjugated like this,” explained Hieber, with the plural use becoming “are.” “That singular verb got pulled along into the singular too, and now the conjugation of ‘be’ looks like this:”

    • I am / we are
    • Thou art / you are
    • He, she, it is / they are

    However, it created a “gap,” and “English speakers have been trying to settle on a ‘you [plural]’ ever since,” said Hieber. Enter: y’all.

    @genteelandbard

    Where and how did the word “Y’all” begin in the southern United States? #genteelandbard #savannah #storytime #historytok #southerncharm

    ♬ Natural Emotions – Muspace Lofi

    The history of ‘y’all’ in the South

    There are many theories as to how y’all infiltrated American English in the 1700s, per NPR. One theory states that it has British origins, where the words “ye” and “aw” were combined and used in the British Isles. From there, Scots-Irish immigrants brought it to Appalachia in the U.S.

    The other theory is that it originated in West Africa, and when enslaved people were brought from there to the South, it began to spread. After the Great Migration, Black Americans brought the term north with them, expanding its use.

    However, the term “you guys” is still commonly used in most Northern states. There are also many regional variations throughout the country, including “yinz” (used in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania) and “youse” (used in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania).

    Americans respond

    Viewers had lots of opinions on Hieber’s video, including how different regions have termed the plural form of “you”—and their thoughts on y’all:

    “Sorry… y’all is singular all y’all is plural.”

    “In the upper Ohio Valley, we also say things like, ‘All yinz guys,’ a sort of amalgamation of Pittsburgh’s ‘yinz’ (we’re an hour away), and the Midwest ‘you guys.’”

    “From CA but living in the south..I just cannot bring myself to say y’all..feels so unnatural.”

    “Washington born and y’all made it into my vocab.”

  • Behavioral investigator shares 14 social skills that can help people struggling to make authentic connections
    Behavioral researcher shares 14 social skills for more effective communication.Photo credit: Canva

    Building healthy relationships starts with having good social skills. Feeling confident jumping into casual conversations and small talk can take practice—especially for people dealing with social anxiety.

    But mastering social skills at work and with friends can help you better engage with people and connect in an authentic way, avoiding feelings of awkwardness and self-consciousness.

    To help people struggling with their social skills, self-described “recovering awkward person” and behavioral investigator Vanessa Van Edwards shared her best advice in a YouTube video. Van Edwards describes social skills as the “tools we use to communicate, relate, and build relationships.”

    She explains the 14 different types of social skills to help people better understand where their strengths lie and how to capitalize on them to make interactions with others feel natural and effortless.

    “I want you to think of social skills differently,” says Van Edwards. “Not all social skills are created equal. There are 14 different ways we can be likable, authentic, and charismatic.”

    Skill #1: Linchpin

    Van Edwards describes the Linchpin social skill as “the gatherer.”

    “You are the social glue,” she says. “What’s really great about you is that typically you are a bridge.”

    These are the characteristics of a Linchpin:

    • I am the glue that holds my social group together.
    • As a team member, I’m involved in lots of projects, bringing ideas and people together.
    • I am the only person who talks to everyone in my family.

    Skill #2: Conversationalist

    Van Edwards describes the Conversationalist social skill as someone with the “gift of gab” who is good at small talk.

    These are the characteristics of a Conversationalist:

    • You have been told you are a great conversationalist.
    • You are good at both leading and facilitating deep conversations.
    • You speak articulately and can easily express yourself.

    Skill #3: Comedian

    Van Edwards notes that the Comedian is great at presenting, leading meetings, being a host, and “making people feel at ease.”

    These are the characteristics of a Comedian:

    • I am funny.
    • I love to make people laugh.
    • I can always see the bright side of any situation.
    @vvanedwards

    My Secret To Building Social Skills

    ♬ original sound – Vanessa Van Edwards

    Skill #4: Speaker

    “What we don’t realize is that we are speaking all the time,” says Van Edwards—from giving directions to telling a story.

    These are the characteristics of a Speaker:

    • I can captivate an audience.
    • I love being on stage or leading a meeting (even on video!).
    • I love writing speeches, giving toasts, and delivering presentations.

    Skill #5: Influencer

    Van Edwards says the Influencer social skill is especially helpful in business.

    “You have no problem talking about who you are and what you do,” she says, adding that Influencers are good at expressing ideas and getting people to agree with them.

    These are the characteristics of an Influencer:

    • People typically listen to what I have to say.
    • I can be very persuasive.
    • I am good at pitching myself.

    Skill #6: Listener

    Van Edwards notes that this is the social skill she struggles with most, adding that she is highly “neurotic.”

    “I’m always so worried there is going to be an awkward silence,” she says. “So the moment there is any kind of break, I try to hop in and make sure people are okay.”

    To help with this, she took an eight-day “vow of silence,” which she says helped her become a better Listener.

    These are the characteristics of a Listener:

    • People always come to you to vent, complain, or talk about their problems.
    • You tend to listen more than you talk.
    • You are very good at being fully present with people and giving them your full attention.

    Skill #7: Magnet

    “Very few people have this social skill. They’re just attractors,” says Van Edwards. “The moment they walk into a room, people are just drawn to them.”

    These are the characteristics of a Magnet:

    • People usually like you.
    • You are charismatic and authentic.
    • People find you approachable and warm.

    Skill #8: Storyteller

    Van Edwards says that people who are good at storytelling can leverage this skill into toasts, presentations, and speeches.

    These are the characteristics of a Storyteller:

    • I always have a story to share.
    • I save and remember good stories.
    • People always ask me to give toasts or introduce people.

    Skill #9: Nurturer

    “When you are a Nurturer, you cannot help it,” says Van Edwards. “You want to nurture everyone and everything. You’re always worried about others more than yourself.”

    She adds that the danger of this includes “having trouble saying no. You probably have trouble setting boundaries. And you might have difficult or toxic people in your life that you have trouble getting rid of.”

    These are the characteristics of a Storyteller:

    • You love taking care of people.
    • You tend to be a people-pleaser and have trouble saying “no.”
    • You are very empathetic and compassionate.

    Skill #10: Decoder

    “Decoders are sleuths,” says Van Edwards. “You’re super perceptive. You’re typically good at reading between the lines.”

    These are the characteristics of a Decoder:

    • I am very perceptive.
    • I can usually tell what people are thinking and feeling.
    • I am very good at decoding body language.
    @vvanedwards

    How To Use Curiosity To Be More Sociable

    ♬ original sound – Vanessa Van Edwards

    Skill #11: Leader

    “Leaders typically are good at influencing, but they’re even better at seeing an entire team or family or group and taking the pulse of [it] and trying to guide to one direction,” says Van Edwards.

    These are the characteristics of a Leader:

    • I like to empower others.
    • People often come to me for guidance.
    • I am better at giving directions than following them.

    Skill #12: Connector

    “Connectors are good at knowing who should know who, and are very good at building a very robust network that you can rely on,” says Van Edwards.

    These are the characteristics of a Connector:

    • I spend a lot of time and effort networking with others.
    • I am good at building relationships with influential people.
    • I have developed a large network of colleagues and associates whom I can call on for support when I really need to get things done.

    Skill #13: Dreambuilder

    “Dreambuilders are often cheerleader types, so they’re really positive and really optimistic,” says Van Edwards. “You’re really good at encouraging and appreciating people.”

    These are the characteristics of a Dreambuilder:

    • You are great at solving people’s problems.
    • You love to encourage people.
    • You are known as a fixer.

    Skill #14: Chameleon

    “If you are a Chameleon, you are great at adapting yourself,” says Van Edwards. “You’re probably the person who has a little bit of everything [social skills].”

    These are the characteristics of a Chameleon:

    • You can get along with anyone.
    • You are a floater socially or professionally.
    • You have a variety of friends and interests.
  • 7-year-old boy obsessed with UPS asks for a themed birthday party, and his mom delivers big time
    A 7-year-old boy obsessed with UPS gets the birthday party of his dreams. Photo credit: @jenchilla156/TikTok

    Autistic special interests are intense, deeply focused passions or hobbies that provide joy, structure, and anxiety regulation, often serving as a key part of an autistic person’s identity

    For Jenny Grant, her seven-year-old son Sebastian had a special interest in UPS. This naturally meant having a UPS-themed birthday party. 

    Technically, Sebastian only asked his mom for “a chocolate UPS cake,” along with “a million people” for his birthday, as she shared with People. But his mom made up for that latter request by going all out on the decor.

    In a now-viral (and very adorable) TikTok video, we see an array of brown and gold balloons, banners, and other favors with a UPS sticker placed on top, as well as actual UPS packages and a tiny cardboard cutout of a UPS center. Plus the pièce de résistance: a UPS cake. 

    @jenchilla156

    SO to the @UPS store for contributing to their future delivery driver’s birthday party 🙏 #autismacceptance #autismawareness #ups #birthdayparty #autism

    ♬ Chopin Nocturne No. 2 Piano Mono – moshimo sound design

    In her video’s caption, Grant wrote, “Having a ‘normal’ birthday party theme with an autistic son. Level: impossible.” 

    As Grant told People, her local UPS was a major help with her plan. Her own mother went there while procuring decorations, mentioned the themed party they were throwing, and the store gave logos, packaging materials, and even some pens as party favors—all to give the shindig some extra authenticity, free of charge.

    Wild birthday party themes

    The super-cute clip inspired viewers to share how their own kids’ ultra-niche passions led to some pretty wild birthday party themes:

    “My son is obsessed with 20th Century Fox.”

    “My son is obsessed with Home Depot.”

    UPS, UPS near me, autism, autistic special interest, autistic kids
    Home Depot-themed birthday party. Photo credit: @jenchilla156/TikTok

    “My son’s hyperfixation is pool filters. He had a pool filter cake for his birthday.”

    “Mine wanted a broccoli-themed party. Undiagnosed, but we are pretty sure.” 

    “My brother had a coleslaw-themed party a few years ago.”

    “My sister had a Circle K theme for her 10th birthday…the local Circle K gas station sponsored everything for free.”

    How did Sebastian like his UPS party?

    Judging by this video, we’d say he liked it very much.

    How stinking cute was that? His little “ohhhhh my goodness” shoots straight to the heart. And, as Grant pointed out, the way Sebastian’s party blew up online did sort of fulfill his initial request.

    “In a crazy way, his celebration ended up being shared with well over the million people he asked for!” said Grant. 

    One more wholesome chapter

    UPS apparently reached out and offered to arrange a visit with a UPS driver so Sebastian can “see the truck up close.”

    “I haven’t told him yet, but I have my fingers crossed,” Grant told People. “It would absolutely make his year!”

    Sebastian’s UPS party may not have been “normal” by traditional standards, but it was perfect for him. That’s what truly makes a birthday unforgettable.

  • 21-year-old woman asks for ‘random, specific advice.’ Here are the 22 best answers.
    Looking for advice.Photo credit: Canva

    Sometimes, when a person is in the early part of adulthood, they seek actual, usable advice and not just broad “bumper-sticker” platitudes. So when a 21-year-old woman took to Threads, she was very specific about the practical wisdom she was seeking.

    Elisabeth Bergbom wrote, “I’m 21. Give me oddly specific life tips. No general ‘surround yourself with positive people’ tips. I want the most random, specific advice possible.”

    Commenters came through. In fact, more than 11,000 people shared their very specific insights, and they didn’t hold back.

    Friends and family

    “Take as many pics with your mom as possible. Moms tend to stay behind the camera. Take pictures of her and with her. Ask for samples of her handwriting and a lock of hair for a necklace. Record and keep voicemails in case, heaven forbid, something happens. Same for your dad.”

    “Don’t expect one person to fill all the roles in your life. I have the ‘going out’ friend, the ‘chill out’ friend, the ‘adventure’ friend, the ‘lifetime’ friend…etc. You’ll always be disappointed when you expect the wrong thing from the wrong person.”

    “Invest in 2-3 close female friendships where you support each other fiercely. If there’s underlying competition vibes, find different friends to prioritize. Send voice notes every day. Show up for each other. Dutifully advocate for each other to mitigate the effects of crappy romantic relationships, draining jobs, family drama.”

    Practical advice

    “If the pants fit perfectly, buy them in every colour, and twice in your favourite colour. Clothing companies love to discontinue the lines that actually fit!”

    “You said oddly specific, so it’s your own fault for asking. Live east of your job. Driving into the sun both ways means you start and end your day with a headache, and nobody needs that.”

    “Spend for quality on everything that anchors you to the ground: Shoes. Mattresses. Car tires.”

    “Never cut your bangs after midnight. Reason retires early, but regret is tireless and she delights in uneven fringes. Photograph your hands occasionally. One day, you will search for her, the girl you once were, and find she has been living there all along.”

    “Keep sugar-free gum by your bed. Sometimes you may feel too tired, sick, or late to brush your teeth, and your mouth will thank you.”

    “Drink a large glass of water — preferably with lemon and cayenne — first thing upon waking. Before coffee, before eating. Game changer.”

    “When you’re grocery shopping, bring a snack. You’ll save tons.”

    Loving yourself

    “Don’t wait for anyone to do the things you want to do. Go to concerts alone. Movies alone. Take yourself to dinner alone. And getting drunk is overrated. Hangovers are the worst.”

    “Allow me to offer you some advice: Take a thousand naked pictures of yourself now. You may currently think, ‘Oh, I’m too spooky.’ Or, ‘Nobody wants to see these tiny boobies.’ But, believe me, one day you will look at those photos with much kinder eyes and say, ‘Dear God, I was a beautiful thing!’” (Moira Rose’s quote from Schitt’s Creek)

    “You can always leave. Bad dates. Jobs. Relationships. The state. The country. People too often forget that they can always leave.”

    “Learn to keep a commonplace book. One day, it will help you remember the significant things you no longer have in your active memory.”

    “Do not fall into the hustle culture mentally. Rest. Stillness. And a peaceful life matter so much.”

    “You always deserve the name-brand toilet paper.”

    Financial advice

    “Open a Roth IRA account, even if you only put in $5 a month.”

    “Live below your means, nobody cares.”

    “Learn to cook 10 good cheap meals that you like. Eat out as little as possible.”

    “Pay credit card bills off every month. Don’t carry a balance unless you’re in dire circumstances and have no other choice.”

    “Don’t be fooled with needing the latest phone or a new car. It’s sexier to save money. To have a budget and invest in your future.”

    Love

    “Date with the intention of finding someone who matches ‘your weird’ instead of changing your weird to match someone else’s. Or, in other words, don’t worry so much about getting them to like you. Instead, use dating for finding out if you like ‘them.’”

  • Gen X is stunned to learn just how old the actors on their favorite shows actually were back then
    Archie and Edith Bunker and The Skipper were all in their 40s. Photo credit: Public Domain

    Aging is a little weird, and Gen X is in the thick of coming to terms with it. Born between 1965 and 1980, the “forgotten generation” finds itself flummoxed by being in its mid-40s to early 60s, fully middle-aged and even a bit beyond.

    It’s common to feel younger than our years, but for Gen X, the math really isn’t mathing—especially when discovering how old the “old” actors in shows from their childhood actually were.

    Let’s start with Gilligan’s Island, an after-school staple for many a Gen Xer. Remember Thurston Howell III, the wealthy older man with his sweet wife, Lovey? Mr. Howell was played by Jim Backus, who was 51 when the show began. Just sit with that for a second.

    The actress who played his wife, Natalie Schafer, was 13 years older than he was, but still. He was only 51? And what about The Skipper? He seemed like an old guy when we were kids, right? Nope. Alan Hale Jr. was only 43, two years younger than Tom Brady was when he retired from the NFL.

    Carol O'Connor and Jean Stapleton, who played Archie and Edith Bunker, in All in the Family
    Carroll O’Connor and Jean Stapleton in 1973, around 49 and 50 years old. Photo credit: Public Domain/Wikimedia Commons

    What about Carroll O’Connor and Jean Stapleton, who played Archie and Edith Bunker on All in the Family? They had to have been in their 60s at least, right? Nope. They were also in their 40s when the show began.

    Remember Julia Sugarbaker in Designing Women, who was the older, wiser one of the group? She didn’t necessarily seem “old-old” when we were kids, but we might have described her as an “older woman.” Turns out Dixie Carter was 47 when she started that role, which is younger than nearly all Gen Xers are now. Oof.

    How about the fact that three of the four Golden Girls were supposed be in their 50s in the show? Or that Rue McClanahan, who played Blanche Devereaux, was 51 years old when the series began?

    Going back further, do you know how old actor David Tomlinson was when he played Mr. Banks in the original Mary Poppins film? He seemed like a grumpy old man to us as kids, but he was 47.

    Mr. Roper on Three’s Company was surely an older gentleman, right? Only if you consider 53 to be old. Are we seriously Mr. Roper now and not Jack Tripper? When did that happen?

    On one hand, seeing that we’re now in the age range of these actors—and in some cases even older—is jarring. On the other hand, perhaps we should feel good about the fact that 50 (and sometimes 60) really is the new 40.

    Why people look younger now than they did in the ’60s and ’70s

    There may be some denial at play in not seeing ourselves in these actors who were our age, but that’s not the whole story. Objectively, some of these people looked much older than people in their 40s and 50s do today. Why is that?

    According to McGill University, there are several reasons people looked older, beyond just our bias against outdated hairstyles and clothing styles.

    The primary reasons people looked older in the past were environmental and lifestyle factors. The ubiquity of cigarette smoking was a big one, as smoking causes premature aging of the skin. As smoking declined in popularity, its widespread aging effects did, too.

    Sun exposure is another factor. Previous generations would slather themselves in baby oil to speed up UV exposure. Now we know that’s unhealthy on multiple levels. Increased use of sunscreen and greater sun avoidance have slowed the aging effects of the sun.

    Even the reduction of certain kinds of air pollution has helped keep our skin looking younger. It turns out that fixing the hole in the ozone layer has had some ancillary anti-aging benefits for us all.

    The push for health and longevity research since Gen Xers were kids has also led to better dietary habits and increased hydration. There have also been major advancements in medical and cosmetic interventions that help us look younger for longer.

    So while it may make us blink twice to see how old the seemingly “old” actors of our childhood were, it’s all good. We may be as old as they were, but we likely don’t look as old as they did. Gen X still has time before “old age” really hits us.

  • Dad shares how he raises his 2-year-old daughter while working on a cruise ship
    Ben Featherstone and his family.Photo credit: @benfeatherstone_/TikTok

    Raising a child on a cruise ship might not be the most conventional parenting choice, but it certainly comes with a view.

    Just ask Ben Featherstone, who, in between singing sets aboard the MSC Virtuosa, lives with his wife and their two-year-old daughter, Piper. He documents their adventure along the way for his growing social media audience.

    This globetrotting lifestyle wasn’t necessarily something Featherstone originally envisioned. In fact, when he first learned he was going to become a dad, he assumed his cruise ship performing days were behind him. The cruise line he worked for at the time didn’t allow family members to stay onboard, and understandably, fatherhood seemed incompatible with months at sea.

    On a whim, he auditioned for a different cruise line. When the contract offer came through, it included an unexpected twist: immediate family members were allowed to stay onboard for up to four weeks at a time. Suddenly, what felt like an ending became a brand-new beginning.

    So, Featherstone and his wife decided to give it a go. Their current routine looks a little something like this: every other month, he performs for three days while at sea. During the remaining days of that stretch, the family explores whichever port they’ve docked in—whether that’s a sun-soaked Mediterranean town or a bustling European city. After those weeks onboard, Piper and her mom, who thankfully has flexibility in her own work schedule, return to London for four weeks. Then the cycle repeats.

    “Little did I know this [audition] would lead me to create a whole new lifestyle,” Featherstone shared in a video clip.

    And for little Piper, life is anything but dull. When she’s not toddling through charming cobblestone streets in a new country, she’s taking full advantage of the ship’s amenities. There are water parks, splash zones, live entertainment, and seemingly endless holiday-themed festivities throughout the year. She also attends the ship’s baby club, where she socializes and plays with other children her age from all over the world. In many ways, the ship has become its own tiny, ever-changing village.

    In one particularly heart-melting moment shared online, Featherstone’s castmates serenade Piper for her second birthday as crew members gather to celebrate. The video captures how this unconventional life still manages to create a sense of community. Though constantly on the move, Piper is surrounded by familiar faces who cheer her milestones and help create memories that will last a lifetime.

    @benfeatherstone_

    The cast really are her extended family whilst we’re on the ship 🫰 #cruiselife #cruisetok #performer #backstage #fyp

    ♬ original sound – Ally Rendall

    “What an amazing life!” one viewer commented. It’s kind of hard not to agree.

    Of course, the lifestyle isn’t without its challenges. As Featherstone candidly told People, “raising a 2-year-old is quite hard either way.”

    Parenting doesn’t suddenly become effortless just because there’s an ocean view. There are still tantrums, sleep schedules, and picky eating to contend with, plus the logistical puzzle of traveling with a toddler. During the four weeks when Piper and her mom return to London, Featherstone deeply feels their absence.

    Still, for this family, the trade-offs feel worth it. Instead of choosing between career and parenthood, they’ve found a creative way to blend both—proving that sometimes the most custom-made paths lead to the richest experiences.

  • How to improve any speech with this 6-word framework by Stanford professor Matt Abrahams
    85% of people feel nervous in high-stakes communication situations. Photo credit: Canva
    ,

    How to improve any speech with this 6-word framework by Stanford professor Matt Abrahams

    Abrahams introduces the “Calm, Unlock, Redefine, Listen, Structure, and Focus” method.

    Visualize this: your boss suddenly turns to you in a meeting and asks, “What do you think?” Your mind goes blank. You were paying attention, but being put on the spot feels intense. Your heart pounds. You try to respond, unsure of what to say, and then replay the moment in your mind for the next hour.

    Situations like this happen to almost everyone. Matt Abrahams, who teaches organizational behavior at Stanford University’s Graduate School of Business, says that up to 85% of people feel nervous in high-stress communication moments. As he jokes, “Quite frankly, I think the other 15% are lying.”

    Luckily, Abrahams has spent his career studying what happens in these high-pressure moments and, more importantly, how we can handle them well. He’s not only an academic; he also coaches some of the world’s top speakers, including executives, Nobel Prize presenters, and TED Talk headliners.

    Let’s look at how this six-step system works in real situations.

    Mindset: How to stop holding yourself back

    The first four steps of Abrahams’ system are about what happens in your mind before you say anything.

    Step 1: Calm–Tame your anxiety

    Anxiety isn’t a personal weakness; it’s part of being human. Abrahams explains that our fear of speaking in front of others comes from evolution. It’s a reaction that started when our place in a group was important for survival. Knowing this may not stop your sweaty palms, but it can help you see the experience differently.

    breathing, techniques, anxiety, public, speaking
    Breathing intentionally can help fight anxiety. Photo credit: Canva

    Still, anxiety feels very real. To help with it, Abrahams tackles both the symptoms and the causes. For the symptoms, he suggests deep belly breathing, making your exhale twice as long as your inhale. He calls this the “rule of lung.” For example, breathe in for three counts and out for six. Try this a few times before an important meeting or when you expect questions. The longer exhale helps your body relax.

    Anxiety comes from worrying about what might happen. The best way to fight it is to stay present. Abrahams suggests using tongue twisters, counting backward from 100 by 17s, or greeting people before you speak. These tricks keep you focused on the moment, so there’s less room to worry about what could go wrong.

    Step 2: Unlock–Aim for “good enough”

    This part often surprises people. Abrahams tells his Stanford MBA students to “strive for mediocrity so that you can achieve greatness.” Most of them are shocked when they hear this.

    His reason makes sense. When you try to speak perfectly, part of your mind is talking while another part is judging you. This inner critic uses up your mental energy. Abrahams borrows from improv and says to “dare to be dull.” Lowering the pressure helps you get unstuck. Once you start talking, your confidence and momentum grow.

    Step 3: Redefine–See problems as opportunities

    For most people, public speaking feels like a test you either pass or fail. Abrahams suggests a new way to look at it: “We have to see these situations as opportunities, not threats.”

    Changing your mindset makes a big difference. A question from the audience becomes an occasion to connect. An unexpected follow-up in a meeting is an opportunity to show what you know. Abrahams also cites the “Yes, And” idea from improv, which means accepting what’s happening and building on it instead of fighting it.

    Step 4: Listen–Pace, space, grace

    Listening well before you respond is one of the most overlooked communication skills. Abrahams uses a framework from his colleague, Collins Dobbs, called “pace, space, grace.”

    listening, skills, anxiety, communication, speaking
    Listening well before you respond is one of the most overlooked communication skills. Photo credit: Canva

    Pace explains the benefits of holding back before answering. Most of us start thinking of our answer before the other person is done talking. Space is about giving yourself a moment, maybe by asking a clarifying question or repeating what you heard before you reply. Grace is about trusting your gut. Sometimes, people don’t need an answer—they need to be acknowledged, supported, or just have a different kind of conversation. Learning to detect this is a valuable skill.

    Messaging: Deciding what to say and how to say it

    Once you have the right mindset, the next two steps help you figure out what to say.

    Step 5: Structure – Organize your thoughts on the fly

    This is where Abrahams’ approach gets really useful. He believes that if you know the basic outline of your answer ahead of time, you can focus on incorporating details that matter to you.

    To help you speak off the cuff, he suggests a simple three-part structure: “What? So what? Now what?” This method helps you organize your thoughts clearly, even when you’re caught off guard.

    • First, state your main idea, position, or key information. (What?)
    • Next, explain why it matters to your audience. (So what?)
    • Finally, suggest what should happen next or what action to take. (Now what?)

    This structure isn’t a script—it’s sort of like a recipe. You bring the ideas, and the framework helps you put them together.

    Step 6: Focus – Get to the point

    Be explicit and direct about your purpose. Abrahams shares his mother’s advice: “Tell me the time, don’t build me the clock.” In other words, when someone asks a question, they want the answer, not the whole backstory.

    To stay on track, Abrahams suggests asking yourself before you speak: What do I want this person to understand? How do I want them to feel? What do I want them to do? This three-part goal—”know, feel, do”—helps you avoid rambling. When you have a clear goal, you get to the point faster.

    How to actually get better at this

    But Abrahams points out that frameworks alone aren’t enough. “The only way to get good at communication is the same way we get good at anything else,” he says. “Repetition, reflection, and feedback.”

    Keep practicing—you will get better at public speaking. Photo credit: Canva

    This means practicing out loud, not just in your head. It also helps to record yourself and watch the video, since there’s often a difference between how we think we sound and how others see us. Ask for honest feedback, not just reassurance.

    He recommends building a “communication pantry“—a set of stories, examples, and facts you can use when you need them. The more you have ready, the easier it is to respond on the spot.

    Improving one discussion at a time

    What’s great about Abrahams’ approach is that you don’t have to pretend to be someone else. Instead, use what you already have—your knowledge, experience, and real desire to connect—so you can rely on those strengths even when you’re under pressure.

    Abrahams often says “connection over perfection,” which is a helpful signal of what really matters. The goal of speaking off the cuff isn’t to be perfect—it’s to be present, helpful, and real. When you stop worrying about performing and focus on the person you’re talking to, you actually get better at it.

    Start small. Before your next meeting, take three deep breaths. Pick a simple structure, like “what, so what, now what,” and give it a try. Notice what happens. Like any skill, you’ll get better with practice, one discussion at a time.

  • This 2016 concert footage of Adele meeting two young fans keeps going viral for the best reason
    Adele performs in Australia in 2017Photo credit: Photo by Robst56 via Wikimedia Commons
    ,

    This 2016 concert footage of Adele meeting two young fans keeps going viral for the best reason

    It captures something you don’t often see from artists at that level: genuine surprise.

    There are concerts, and then there are moments that happen inside concerts that nobody planned and nobody could have scripted. Adele has a gift for the latter.

    During her Adele Live 2016 tour stop at the Ziggo Dome in Amsterdam on June 1st, she did what she often does between songs: she invited a couple of kids from the crowd to come up on stage. Two young girls clambered up. Adele hugged them, crouched down to their level, and started chatting. Names, where are you from, the usual warm Adele small talk. Then one of the girls said she was from London.

    Adele paused. She glanced out at the crowd and saw a man she recognized.

    And then it hit her.

    “Oh my god! No way! I knew you from when you were a baby!” she gasped, as Today reported in its coverage of the moment. “Her mum plays for me. She plays the cello. You were like two weeks old when I first met you.” She then rattled off four OMGs in quick succession, trying to process the fact that the small child she’d last seen as an infant was now standing on her stage at a sold-out arena in Amsterdam, having been pulled from the crowd entirely at random. “That just freaked me out,” she told the audience. “You were like 2 feet tall when I first met you.”

    The girl’s mother plays cello in Adele’s touring band. Her father, who’d brought the girls to the show, was the familiar face in the crowd that gave it away. The girls, nicknamed Daiz and Roo according to an Instagram post captured by NME at the time, had no idea any of this was coming.

    The video, originally captured by a fan and shared on YouTube, has been resurfacing regularly ever since. It’s easy to see why. In a single unscripted minute, it captures something you don’t often see from artists at that level: genuine surprise. Not performed delight, not a rehearsed crowd moment, but the specific look of a person trying to reconcile the baby they once held with the kid standing right in front of them. The whole arena got to watch Adele put the pieces together in real time.

    This is something of a pattern. In a separate concert moment shared on TikTok by user @hannnny3, Adele spotted a young boy in the audience mid-performance, walked over to him, and sang directly to him as he visibly welled up. She brushed his cheek gently and kept going. No announcement, no setup. Just attention, fully given.

    It’s a different kind of stagecraft. Most performers work the crowd. Adele tends to actually notice it.

    This article originally appeared last year.

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