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Family

People who choose to be child-free are just as happy at 70 as those with kids, study finds

What about all the regret they were supposed to feel?

via Jens Lindner/Unsplash

A woman looking content with her child-free life.

Every couple that has ever considered being child-free has had to deal with people who have children telling them they will regret their decision. They're often told that they’ll be lonely when they get older and never understand the joy and fulfillment of having a child.

Even though there is so much pressure for couples to have kids, more and more people are deciding to live child-free lives. A recent study found that 47% of adults under 50 without kids say they're unlikely to have them — up 10 percentage points from 2018.

There are many different reasons why people don’t want to have kids, whether it’s affordability, the state of the world and the environment, or they just don’t feel like it. The child-free movement gets even stronger as people get younger.

Sixty-seven percent of young women and 50% of young men say they just don’t want children. So, are all of these people setting themselves up for a lifetime of regret because they choose not to have kids? A recent study out of Michigan says no, they probably won’t.

The Institute for Public Policy and Social Research at Michigan State University studied 1,000 Michiganders, asking whether they have or want children. The study separated those who wish to be child-free from those who want children but can’t have them.

The study found that by the time people reach the age of 70, people who have children and those who decided not to are just as satisfied with their lives.

child-free, no kids, childrenA couple enjoying coffeevia MART PRODUCTION/Pexels

“Childfree people, especially women, are often told they’ll be dissatisfied with life or regret their decision later,” Jennifer Watling Neal, one of the study’s authors, told PsyPost. “In this study, we compared how much adults age 70 and older said they’d want to change something about their life — in other words, whether they had any regrets about how their life had gone. We didn’t see any difference between child-free people and parents. This suggests that child-free people are similar to others in terms of life satisfaction and often don’t regret their decision later.”

The researchers found that child-free people may be happier than those with kids.“In fact, older parents were slightly more likely to want to change something about their life,” Neal said in a statement.

The study was conducted on 1,000 people; times change and everyone’s experience is different, so there’s no telling who will or will not have regrets about their decision to have children. But the study should bring some peace of mind to those who are tired of hearing that they may regret their choice to be child-free, whether from friends, family or the little voice in their heads.

The discussion also raises a deeper question: How do we create a society where people are excited about having children? What changes could be made to make it affordable for people to have families? How can we create a brighter future so that parents can feel confident that the children born today will be able to thrive as adults?

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Education

Billionaire Richard Branson's simple habit that opens the door for incredible innovation

He "can’t understand" why everyone doesn't do it.

via Chatham House/Wikimedia Commons

Entrepreneur Richard Branson.

To paraphrase a popular adage about a tree falling in the woods: If you have a meeting and nobody takes notes of what was said, did the meeting ever really occur in the first place?

That’s the core question at the center of one of billionaire entrepreneur, Virgin Group founder, adventurer and philanthropist Richard Branson’s most important habits. He takes pen-and-paper notes during every meeting.

"I love learning," Branson explained on the “Worklife” podcast with Adam Grant. "I can never understand how people can have a meeting with somebody and not take notes. If you're having a meeting with a group of people where you're planning to sort out issues and not take notes, you're only going to remember two or three things from that meeting. And quite often from a meeting, you might have a list of 20 ideas that come out of it."

He’s got a great point. If people only leave the meeting remembering a handful of ideas, then some great suggestions that should be followed up on magically disappear. The good ideas that deserved reconsidering have been blown away into the ether, never to be considered again.

Branson believes that following up on ideas presented at meetings can take a company up another level.

"It's important to follow up on and it's very important to get back to the person who came up with those ideas and either respond positively or say why you disagree. By dealing with all those small things quickly, you go from potentially becoming an average company into becoming an exceptional company, and the staff who work there are really appreciative that their issues have been dealt with," Branson concludes.

The entrepreneur blames the lack of note-taking squarely on men. He adds that leaving all the note-taking to women does a real disservice to men.



“In my experience, 99 percent of people in leadership roles don’t take notes. What’s more, males are less likely to take notes than their female counterparts,” Branson writes on LInkedIn. “Not only is this unfair to women, but it’s also disadvantageous to men. It’s time for men to step up and do their share of support work. On top of counteracting gender bias in the work force, it will also give men a better understanding of what going on within the business and what needs to be done to make things run more effectively.”

Running meetings without taking notes also makes it harder for meaningful work actually to get done. “This often happens with, for instance, politicians. We will have a meeting, talk about dozens of ideas to improve things, and they won’t write anything down. They might remember one of the ideas, but what about all of the others? They will have to muddle through and little will get done,” he wrote on Virgin’s blog.

Ultimately, it’s essential for people to take notes because great ideas can be lost forever without them. “No matter how big, small, simple or complex an idea is, get it in writing,” Branson wrote. “But don’t just take notes for the sake of taking notes, go through your ideas and turn them into actionable and measurable goals. If you don’t write your ideas down, they could leave your head before you even leave the room.”



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Science

Is social media ‘killing the real you’? A simple equation may hold the answer.

Are you ever alone with your own thoughts anymore?

via Cottonbro studio/Pexels

A woman is losing herself to her smartphone.

When we ask ourselves, “Who am I?” there are many different places to go for answers, whether it’s psychology, spirituality, or connecting with our inner barometer that tells us when we’re being authentic.

There’s also the big question: Is life about finding oneself or creating oneself? Is there a true you lurking deep inside your heart and mind, or is life all about creating the person you always wanted to be through discipline and self-cultivation?

One thing is for sure: our thoughts are a big part of who we are. As the Buddha once said: “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.”

However, in a world where so many people are constantly locked into their smartphones, consuming everyone else’s thoughts on TikTok, YouTube, Reddit, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, at what point do we lose our unique sense of self after being filled with others' ideas?

social media, the self, social media addictionA girl is losing herself to her smartphone. via Cottonbro studio/Pexels

This question was recently brought up on Reddit, where Accomplished-Bend898 made an interesting point about the self in the social media era.

“Social media is killing you, but not in the way you think,” Accomplished-Bend898 wrote. “When you passively consume so much content, it fills your brain. To the brim. And at the same time, you aren’t spending any time alone with your own thoughts. You’ve become a consumer, not a contributor.”

“So your own, true thoughts start to merge with the hivemind of the internet,” the Redditor continued. “And whatever information the algorithms think you want to hear becomes what you actually believe. And so you are becoming less and less you.”

Accomplished-Bend898 simplified their theory into a math equation: “Passive content consumption - time alone with your own thoughts = the death of the real you.”

The idea that social media is killing people’s individuality is a bold and scary claim in a world where nearly everyone is on one platform or another. But for many, it rings true. Have you known anyone who fell down a rabbit hole on Twitter or TikTok, and their worldview began to change slowly over time? The more they viewed videos or tweets on a topic, the more the algorithm fed them the same content, creating a feedback loop that forever altered their personality.

If social media hasn’t wholly cut off people’s internal monologues and moments of thoughtful solitude, then they have definitely been curtailed. Studies show that the average person now spends 2 hours and 23 minutes a day looking at social media.

Although it’s hard to determine whether social media crowds out our own thoughts, it does cause cognitive overload, which makes it difficult to focus and process information correctly. This, in turn, makes it harder to think deeply about the information presented to us, making it easier to fall for misinformation.

Whether or not social media is killing “the real you” or “real us,” it has, undeniably, stunted our collective ability to hear our own thoughts.

social media, the self, social media addictionA man is losing herself to her smartphone.via Cottonbro studio/Pexels

Social media allows people to express themselves in ways that were unimaginable 20 years ago. However, instead of breeding a culture of individualism, it has created one of collectivism, where people are eager to follow the latest trends or conform to groupthink.

“Trends create a culture of conformity; if one doesn’t stay up to date with what’s ‘in,’ they are quickly categorized as ‘other.’ Extending beyond social media, people who wear certain clothing or listen to music that isn’t considered relevant to today’s trends are instantly judged,” Anahai Pellathy writes at The Standard. “Rather than choosing what to wear or how to act based on personal preference, people tend to rely upon trends and external perceptions.”

In addition, people are less likely to flaunt their individuality when they believe their actions are being judged by those who view their posts.

“Authenticity suffers under the constant gaze,” Hoan Westerberg, a writer focused on technology’s effect on people, writes on Medium. “Psychological studies show heavy social media users report lower self-esteem and life satisfaction than light users. When we constantly evaluate ourselves through the lens of others, we lose sight of our core identity.”

Although much work remains to determine whether spending too much time on social media is really “killing the real you,” there are enough warning signs to be concerned that we are losing the best part of ourselves to technology.

social media, the self, social media addictionPeople are losing themselves to smartphone addiction.via Cottonbro studio/Pexels

So, if you’re looking to reconnect with your true self, Accomplished-Bend898 has some suggestions for reducing screen time or making it healthier.

Don’t sleep next to your phone

Your brain will crave the first thing you feed it, so wait at least an hour after waking up to check it for anything.

Get a good screen time app

Built-in screen time settings are no match for your monkey brain. BePresent is my favorite because it uses actual psychology to combat phone addiction.

Delete social media from your phone

Force yourself to use it only on your computer so it is more intentional.

Turn your phone to greyscale

Greyscale will make your screen time a lot more boring. On an iPhone, go to Settings > Accessibility > Display & Text > Color Filters > Grayscale.

Replace scrolling with another activity

When you reduce your screen time by several hours per day, you need to replace it with something meaningful in your life. Start small and find out what motivates you.

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Health

Ear rumbling is a special 'superpower' that not everyone has

Can you do this?

via Eltpics / Twitter

Mapping out the structure of the inner ear.

There are no two human beings who are exactly alike. One of the funny quirks of evolution is that some of us can do things with our bodies we think are routine, but are impossible for others.

Some people can wiggle their ears, others can't. Some can wiggle their nose like Samantha from "Bewitched" while others just look really silly when making an attempt.

Not everyone can lick their elbow but most wouldn't attempt to do so in public.

A Twitter user named Massimo dropped some knowledge about a skill that not everyone has and even fewer discuss: ear rumbling.

Those of us who can do it know exactly what it is, while it's a mystery to those who cannot.

People who can ear rumble have the ability to control the tensor tympani, a muscle within the ear. Contracting the muscle creates a rushing, rumbling sound that, if flexed enough, can drown out a significant amount of noise.

This can be useful when someone is saying something that you don't want to hear but don't want to be rude and cover your ears. It can come in real handy if someone is about to spoil your favorite TV show or if you live with someone who can't stop nagging.

Some people cannot voluntarily create the rumbling sound but hear it when they let out a large yawn.

There's a Reddit sub-forum just for ear rumblers with over 60,000 people. Here's how some of them get rumblin'.

"I just squeeze the muscle in my ears I guess," — melvinthefish

"When I flex and hold whatever I'm manipulating to do that, I get my rumble," — ttywzl

"I get a mild rumble just doing the usual flex, but i can make it a bit louder by bringing my top lip up to my nose," — Willmono7

"The best way I can describe it is I 'squint my ears,'" —SteeleIT

The muscle exists to mask-low frequency sounds so we can focus on those at a higher frequency. It also works to mute sounds we create ourselves such as eating potato chips or coughing. It's a way that helps us from becoming annoyed with our own bodies.

Unfortunately, the muscle has a rather slow reaction time so it cannot prevent us from hearing loud sudden noises like a gunshot or a book slamming on the ground.

Massimo's tweet caused quite a stir on the platform.

Although scientists have known about ear rumbling since at least the 1800s, there doesn't appear to have been too much research on the topic. We know that some can rumble and others cannot, but it's unclear how it breaks down percentage-wise or if it's more prevalent in certain groups.

The good news is that the word is starting to get out and people who've been rumbling all their lives suddenly don't feel so alone.


This article originally appeared on 03.05.20

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