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Tod Perry

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15 people share the life-changing phrase they heard once, and it stuck with them forever

"Don't confuse being needed with being valued."

via Canva/Photos

A woman thinking to herself.

Ever have a moment in your life when someone told you something wise that you’ve never heard before, and it felt like time stopped? You feel so grateful to have the wisdom, but at the same time, sad because you wish you had heard it earlier and avoided some of life's unnecessary trials and tribulations.

One of the primary reasons we remember some things people tell us and forget others is emotion. When we experience an emotional reaction to information, the brain perceives it as valuable and stores it in long-term memory. That’s probably why it’s easy to remember the lyrics to the songs we love. The words are combined with an emotional change created by the melody in which they are sung and the accompanying music.

A Reddit user asked people on the AskReddit subforum to share the phrases they “heard only once but it stayed with you forever,” and it inspired a wonderful conversation where people shared the timeless wisdom that they will never forget. Many of the phrases revolved around healthy ways to deal with relationships, making sense of inner dialogues, and how to change, even when it feels impossible.

truth, wisdom, wise phrases, man thinking, mind blown, great advice, memoryA man after hearing great advice. via Canva/Photos

Here are 15 of the most inspiring quotes that people “heard only once,” but they have stayed with them forever.

1. "You can't un-ring a bell."

"My high school history teacher told us - speak carefully to others, you can't un-drive the nail, the hole will always remain. Someone may forgive you, but the damage is done, the hole will remain."

"The axe forgets, but the tree remembers."

2. “You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.”

"I cannot tell you how many times over the last few years I have had to stop and physically tell myself, that it's not my job to make sure anyone understands anything. Helped me put down my phone a number of times and just breath."

"The best thing to learn early in life is to walk away. Some ppl actually think they won the argument because I walked away. I feel like I won because I walked away."



3. "Sometimes, a man on the right track gets hit by a train on the wrong one."

"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life." - Jean Luc Picard

4. "Don’t confuse being needed with being valued."

"Ouch to that. To add to the confusion: true friendships can arise from responding to a need, and there are people who are really nice to you when they need you. But once you hit a bump on the road and become useless, even if just for a while, reactions vary."


truth, wisdom, wise phrases, man thinking, mind blown, great advice, memoryA woman thinking about some sage advice.via Canva/Photos

5. "Not everyone you lose is a loss."

"This is good advice, especially for people going through a life change (e.g., growing up, moving, graduating, switching jobs, etc). A lot of people have drifted out of my life over the years, and a lot more made me sad at the time than were actually worth getting sad about. A few departures might've even been worthy of celebration, but it didn't feel that way in the moment."

"As I grow older, I've realized a very important skill for my own mental health is being able to cherish and appreciate the person someone was, and even love them, while also appreciating some extra distance between our present selves."

6. "Don't believe everything you think."

"I needed this. Having some hang-xiety from this weekend on how I’m a total weirdo & I need to learn to stfu more. But I know the reality is I just opened up and made new friends."

"Having worked with and known people with mental health struggles, I will say, 'A (depressed or mentally unwell) brain is a liar. It will tell you things that aren’t true. Keep a list of what is real and the facts that support it."

7. "No matter how far down the wrong road you are... turn around."

"The longer it takes you to get off the bus, the more expensive the return ticket will be."

"When you realize you are in a hole, stop digging."


truth, wisdom, wise phrases, man thinking, mind blown, great advice, memoryA man after hearing great advice.via Canva/Photos

8. "The way you talk to / scold your kids is the voice and tone they will learn to talk to themselves in."

"Similarly, I've read, 'Your anger becomes their anxiety.' As a new mom who was raised by an angry father and struggles with anxiety, it is a perspective I'm glad I came upon early. It has redirected both how I speak to her and what I'll allow her to be exposed to."

"God, I feel that. My parents were basically always angry and/or annoyed."

9. "You are under no obligation to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm."

"That one always makes me think of something my therapist said: 'You didn’t ask to be born. Your parents wanted a child and you have lived to fulfil their wants and needs for twenty years. You’re allowed to live for yourself now.'"

10. “If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no.”

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take in a different form."


11. "Grief is just love with nowhere to go."

"There have been a few similar phrases about grief that have stuck with me:

'The culmination of love is grief, and yet we love despite the inevitable, we open our hearts to it. To grieve deeply is to have loved fully.

And "But what is grief but love persevering.'

Both tore me to pieces and have stuck with me as I've lost people close to me."


12. "The time will pass either way."

"I heard this phrase once in the context of someone who was talking about wanting to go to med school and become a doctor, but they were already in their 30s. They were saying something like, 'I really want to do it but its 7 years! If I start now, I won't become a doctor til I'm 42.' And the other person responded: 'And how old will you be in 7 years if you don't go to med school? The time will pass regardless.'"

13. "Just because you lost me as a friend, doesn’t mean you gained me as an enemy. I still want to see you eat, just not at my table."

"My old boss used to say, 'I wish you well and I wish you away.'"

14. "In the absence of communication, the void is filled with negativity."

"Lack of effective communication in a close personal relationship, a business/professional relationship, a political relationship, etc. can lead to negative assumptions about how they might feel about you, create perceptions of incompetence, or increase suspicions/distrust."

15. "Don't let 'perfect' be the enemy of progress."

"The version we were talking about at my work just today was 'Perfection is the enemy of getting shit done.'"













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Science

Psychologists reveal the big reason why people are so unnecessarily offended by vegans

No, it's not because they are smug.

via Canva/Photos

A vegan and a man with a sausage and big piece of chicken.

There are few groups more openly reviled by many people in the developed world than vegans. One study found that out of societal groups, they were the second most reviled group, right after drug addicts. Vegans are often the target of derision, whether they are referred to as soy boys, vegaNazis, or people who “eat rabbit food.” But why do people have such a hard time with people just because they don’t eat the same things they do?

It seems somewhat petty and judgmental that people would be easily offended by someone because they don’t eat meat. Still, according to a new study by Food Quality and Preference, there’s something much deeper at stake. “The consumption of meat and meat substitutes is a highly charged social phenomenon,” Roosa-Maaria Malila, an author of the study, said in a statement. “According to our research, consumers who prefer plant-based alternatives are perceived as socially different—and not in a good way.”

spaghetti, vegans, vegetarians, woman eating, young woman, glass of waterA woman enjoying a plate of pasta.via Canva/Photos

Why do people hate vegans?

The team of researchers got to the bottom of why vegans are the target of so much hate after having 3,600 participants judge three shopping lists. All lists included pasta, bread, apple juice, carrots, and bananas, but the selection varied depending on whether animal- or plant-based protein products were included or excluded. One had meat products, another had a mix of meat and plant-based items, and the other list had only meat substitutes.

The researchers found that the shoppers who purchased meat substitutes, who were most likely vegan or vegetarian, aroused feelings of fear, envy, contempt, and anger. "In our research, we found that people even wanted to act aggressively towards vegetarians or exclude them from social circles,” Malila says. However, at the same time, vegans were admired and appreciated. They are seen as moral, environmentally friendly, and conscious.


What is the "meat paradox"?

Social psychologist Hank Rothgerber refers to this unique situation where people simultaneously envy vegans and also find them contemptible as the meat paradox. The “meat paradox” is the experience of cognitive dissonance, or the psychological tension caused by holding conflicting beliefs at the same time, or taking actions that directly contradict one’s values. Rothgerber believes that meat eaters are in the uncomfortable position of knowing that it’s wrong to hurt animals while also consuming them at the same time. This leads people to have feelings of contempt for vegans.

Rothgerber says that to cope with their conflicting emotions, some meat eaters feel the need to lash out at vegans.

“It’s human nature to lash out at anyone we perceive as a threat. And vegans threaten something we hold very dear: our moral sense of self,” Emily Moran Barwick writes for BiteSizeVegan. “We like to think of ourselves as good and decent people. We also believe that good and decent people don’t harm animals.”

strang man, strong vegan, vegetarian man, fruits, vegetables, dietary needsA muscular man with some baskets of vegetables.via Canva/Photos

According to Malila, people’s need to fit in also pushes them against adopting a vegan lifestyle or being supportive of their meat-free friends. "Food is quite a strong part of our social identity,” she says. “If and when vegetarian food evokes negative feelings, not many people want to risk being associated with it. Belonging to a group is an evolutionary motive. We need acceptance from our fellow human beings."

Ultimately, the research shows that veganophobia (fear of vegans) isn’t really about the vegans themselves, but misdirected anger that people are projecting onto them. Maybe it’s time for those who have contempt for vegans to stop judging what’s on their plate and think hard about what’s on their own.

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Democracy

The gap in crime rates between undocumented immigrants, legal immigrants, and U.S. natives is huge

New study suggests we need to rethink our attitudes on immigration.

via David Tan/Flickr

A man being arrested by the police.

Immigration was one of the biggest issues in the 2024 presidential election, and it helped propel Donald Trump to his second presidential term. Last year saw a significant shift in public opinion on immigration, with 55% of Americans believing that immigration levels should be decreased, the highest number in nearly 20 years.

One of the biggest reasons that people fear immigrants, both legal and undocumented, is that they believe they commit a disproportionate number of crimes and pose a danger to natural-born citizens. Polls show that 47% of Americans believe that immigrants increase crime in the United States.

It’s no surprise that many feel this way, given the increasingly polarized political rhetoric surrounding immigrants. Over the past decade, prominent politicians have referred to immigrants as “invaders,” “animals,” and “rapists,” who shouldn't come to America. Some have even suggested that they are being allowed in the country to “replace” white Americans.

immigration, crime, arrests, ICE, undocumented people, immigration lawA man being arrested by ICE.via ICE Enforcement and Removal Operations/Flickr

In addition to the abrasive rhetoric, a lot of Americans have also developed negative attitudes towards immigration because they fear foreign-born people will change the culture and could pose a threat to their employment. A majority of Americans have also been alarmed by years of chaos at the southern border.

Immigration is a complex issue that evokes strong emotions, so we must distinguish fact from rhetoric to craft humane policies that support a system where immigrants and native-born Americans thrive together. That’s why a recent report from the Cato Institute, a libertarian-leaning public policy research organization, is so important. The report shows that the fear-mongering over immigrant crime is unfounded and that native-born Americans pose a much greater threat to their safety.

Do immigrants commit more crime?

The study, conducted by Michelangelo Landgrave and Alex Nowrasteh, utilized American Community Survey (ACS) Public Use Microdata Sample (PUMS) from the US Census data from 2010 to 2023 to determine the crime rate per capita among undocumented immigrants, legal immigrants, and natural-born Americans. They found that undocumented people are incarcerated at about half the rate, per capita, than native-born Americans and that legal immigrants commit crimes at about half the rate of undocumented immigrants.

Here’s the Cato Institute's findings:

An estimated 1,617,197 native-born Americans, 67,813 illegal immigrants, and 58,515 legal immigrants were incarcerated in 2023. The incarceration rate for native-born Americans was 1,221 per 100,000; 613 per 100,000 for illegal immigrants; and 319 per 100,000 for legal immigrants in 2022 (Figure 1). Illegal immigrants are half as likely to be incarcerated as native-born Americans. Legal immigrants are 74 percent less likely to be incarcerated than natives. If native-born Americans were incarcerated at the same rate as illegal immigrants, about 806,000 fewer natives would be incarcerated. Conversely, if natives were incarcerated at the same rate as legal immigrants, about 1.2 million fewer native-born Americans would be incarcerated.


Further, the report shows that if you removed the people in ICE detention facilities on any given day, the undocumented crime rate would fall to 357 per 100,000 people, only 12% higher than that of legal immigrants.

Nowrasteh speculates that there are multiple reasons why undocumented immigrants are less likely to commit crimes than natural-born citizens. He suggests that they are more future-oriented because they faced huge risks in coming to the U.S. They also fear the consequences of committing crimes, including deportation, and often have stronger social bonds that discourage them from breaking the law.

The interesting change over the first 100 days of the new administration is that even though people were very concerned about the state of immigration, they are now turning against its aggressive and legally questionable deportation strategies. This points to a unique balance among Americans that shows they are concerned about immigration but also care for immigrants who are unfairly targeted by the system. Hopefully, Americans’ concern for immigrants’ welfare will be matched by a clearer understanding of the actual safety risks they pose, paving the way for policies that benefit everyone.

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Popular

People shared the most '90s slang phrases they could think of, and these 13 epitomized the decade

People haven't heard a lot of these in years.

via "In Living Color" Wiki

Homey D. Clown from "In Living Color."

Every generation and decade has its slang. These days, young people often use slang terms and phrases, such as “slay,” “no cap,” and “bet,” which can be hard to understand if you’re older than 25. But, of course, that’s the point. If you think these kids are unintelligible, what do you think would happen if you sent them back in time to 1992 and they had to figure out what Pauly Shore was saying in Encino Man?

Could a Gen Zer figure out what he meant when he said, “If you're edged 'cause I'm weazin' all your grindage, just chill"? Or would they know what Shore meant when he said, “The truth is, bro, life's about greasing the 'do back, buddy, and wheezin' on the buff-fest, man"? Probably not.


To help remind everyone that people in the ‘90s had their own bizarre slang, too, a Redditor named @NoahtheAttacker asked folks on the AskReddit subforum, “What’s the most ‘90s slang/phrase?” and reading the responses is like taking a time machine back to the era of Bill Clinton, neon-colored clothing, and In Living Color.

Here are 13 of the best responses, with our best attempt at explaining them to the older and younger generations.

1. "Not!"

For the uninitiated, this phrase was used to negate the sentence that came before. For example, President George Bush, who famously disliked broccoli, would say, "I love broccoli," then pause for two seconds, and say, "Not!" You must say "not" in a very obnoxious way. Or, in the song "Wayne's World Theme" from the Wayne's World soundtrack, Mike Myers and Dana Carvey sing, "The right to party is a battle we have fought / But we'll surrender and go Amish... Not!"

Here's Borat trying to understand the intricacies of the "Not" joke.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com



2. "Talk to the hand"

The complete line of this phrase is, "Talk to the hand because the face don't give a damn" and it was used in the '90s to aggressively turn down a request. For instance, if someone you didn't like asked you for a date, you would put your palm up in a stop position and say, "Talk to the hand," which means stop there; I'm not listening.

3. "All that and a bag of chips"

This phrase was used when referring to someone who excels at a specific activity, such as playing football or rapping. It's also used to refer to someone very attractive, as in the title of the 1999 film, She's All That, starring Rachel Leigh Cook. The "bag of chips" was added later to take things up a notch and make them even better, much like the addition of some Doritos on the side of your Subway sandwich.


4. "Mad"

Now, if you're a Gen Zer, you may think that adding the term "mad" to something means it's angry. On the contrary, to say someone is "mad hungry" means they are very hungry. If you are mad rich, then you are wealthier than Uncle Phil on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. If you have "mad skills," that means that you excel at a specific task.

5. "As if"

"As if" is a shorter way of saying, "As if I would ever..." Here's an example: "You want me to choose those '80s Jordache jeans over these sweet Z Cavaricci pants? As if." Or, "You think that I would choose to date Tiffani Amber Thiessen over Pamela Anderson? As if." To take things up a notch, you could add a "whatever" after the "as if" to really drive the point home.


6. "Word"

"Word" is a simple way to confirm something someone else had said. "You like that new bar-b-que burger at Carl's Jr.?" you'd ask your friend, and they would respond with "Word," meaning "yes." To make it even more emphatic, say, "Word up!" or to be super affirmative, "Word to your mother!"

7. "Homey don’t play dat"

"Homey don't play dat" was the catchphrase of Herman Simpson, aka Homey D. Clown, a bitter and hostile convict with a never-ending community service sentence, on TV's sketch show, In Living Color. Whenever a child on the show would ask Homey to do something clownish, he would respond, "Homey Don't play dat," and then whop the kid over the head with a sock containing a tennis ball inside. Colloquially, it was used to turn down people's requests. For example, if someone asked if you could work late on your shift at Musicland, you could respond, "Homey don't play dat."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com


8. "Whatever"

"Whatever" is one of the most popular phrases of the '90s, and it perfectly encapsulates the Gen X mindset. It means, "I'm not impressed," "screw off," and "I don't care." It's a great way to blow someone off without having to provide a reason why.


- YouTubewww.youtube.com


9. "Tight!"

This is a great term that remains relevant today, referring to something truly exceptional. If you perfectly execute or agree with what someone is saying, you say "tight." For example, if someone asked you, "Hey! You want to get a Pizazz pizza at Taco Bell?" You'd respond with, "Tight." Or another use would be, "Did you see Arrested Development on Arsenio Hall last night? They were so tight."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com


10. Cowabunga, dude

"Cowabunga" is a 1960s surfer slang term that gained mainstream popularity in the 1990s after being popularized by Bart Simpson and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It basically means, "that's great" or "go for it!"

11. "Extreme"

In the 1990s, extreme sports were huge, whether that meant bungee jumping or wing suiting off the top of a mountain. Therefore, anything that was particularly intense, whether it was soda with a fierce flavor or nachos that were loaded higher than usual, was called extreme. Vanilla Ice's debut album, featuring the song "Ice Ice Baby," was called To the Extreme.

12. Da bomb

If something is really incredible, it's "da bomb." For example, you'd say, "Ahhh man, the new chili cheese fries at 7-11 are da bomb." Additionally, to make things more fun, you could say they were "the bomb diggity."

13. "Psych!" or "Sike!"

This is similar to the "not!" joke referenced above. You call "psych" on something when you psyche someone out or fool them. For example, if your friend really liked a girl named Heather, you could say, "Heather was totally scamming on you at lunch today." Surprised you'd say, "really?" But then your buddy would pull the rug out from underneath you with a "Psych!" and everyone would laugh at you.

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