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Why 'boomer panic' is a real thing, not just generational bashing

There's a heartbreaking reason behind the problem.

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What is "boomer panic"?

In a video posted in September 2023, TikToker @myexistentialdread used the phrase “boomer panic” to explain how baby boomers (1946 to 1964) can quickly become unhinged when faced with the most minor problems. It all started when she visited a Lowe’s hardware store and encountered a boomer-aged woman working at the check-out stand.

“I had a dowel that didn’t have a price tag on it, whatever, so I ran back and took a photo of the price tag. And as I was walking back towards her, I was holding up my phone… because I had multiple dowels and that was the one that didn’t have the price tag on it,” she said in the video. “And she looks at me and she goes, ‘I don’t know which one that is,’ and she starts like, panicking.” The TikToker said that the woman was “screechy, panicking for no reason.”

Many people raised by boomers understood what she meant by "boomer panic." "Boomer panic is such a good phrase for this! Minor inconvenience straight to panic," the most popular commenter wrote. And while there was some boomer-bashing in the comments, some younger people tried to explain why the older folks have such a hard time regulating their emotions: “From conversations with my mother, they weren’t allowed to make mistakes and were harshly punished if they did.” The TikToker responded, “A lot of people mentioned this, and it breaks my heart. I think you’re right,” Myexistentialdread responded.

A follow-up video by YourTango Editor Brian Sundholm tried to explain boomer panic in an empathetic way.

“Well, it's likely that there actually was a reason the woman started panicking about a seemingly meaningless problem,” Sundholm said. “Most of us nowadays know the importance of recognizing and feeling our emotions.” Sundholm then quoted therapist Mitzi Bachman, who says that when people bottle up their emotions and refuse to express them, it can result in an "unhinged" reaction.

TikToker Gabi Day shared a similar phenomenon she noticed with her boomer mom; she called the behavior “anxiety-at-you.”

Day’s boomer mother was “reactive,” “nervous,” and “anxious” throughout her childhood. Now, she is still on edge with Day’s children. “She's immediately like gasping and just really like exaggerated physical reactions, and then, of course, that kind of startles my kid,” Day said. “Again, I know that this comes from a place of care. It's just a lot,” she continued.

@itsgabiday

It comes from a place of love but it is exhausting 🫠😬 #millennialmomsoftiktok #boomergrandma #reparenting #gentleparenting

There is a significant difference in emotional intelligence and regulation between how boomers were raised and how younger generations, such as Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Z, were brought up. Boomers grew up when they had to bottle up their feelings to show their resilience. This can lead to growing anger, frustration with situations and people, chronic stress, and anxiety—all conditions that can lead to panicky, unhinged behavior.

Ultimately, Sundholm says that we should sympathize with boomers who have difficulty regulating their emotions and see it as an example of the great strides subsequent generations have made in managing their mental health. “It may seem a little harsh to call something "boomer panic," but in the context of how many of them were raised, it makes a lot of sense,” Sundholm says. “It also underlines the importance of emotional regulation skills and teaching them to future generations. And maybe most important, having compassion for those who never had a chance to learn them.”

This article originally appeared in March

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Culture

Gen Xers are admitting the 17 things that baby boomers got right

Got to give credit where credit is due.

via Shvets Production/Pexels

A baby boomer lifting weights.

It’s a tale as old as humanity itself; as the older generations age, the younger ones will criticize them for the world they left them. These days, baby boomers (1946 to 1964) are taking the most heat from the generations who came after, Gen X (1965 to 1980), millennials (1981 to 1996), and Gen Z (1997 to 2012). A big reason boomers take a lot of heat is that some believe they changed their values from the hippie days of the late ‘60s and early ‘70s to become the self-absorbed “Me” generation.

Baby boomers are also often criticized for hoarding wealth while younger generations struggled and for being in power during years of environmental neglect. Boomers are also known for having a “bootstraps” mentality where they more likely to tell young people to “suck it up” instead of seeing systemic inequalities that make it harder for young people to achieve the same success as those who came before.


However, the boomers didn’t do everything wrong. Younger people should give them credit for how they advanced society, especially in the world of women’s rights. They should also acknowledge their incredible contributions to music, whether it’s the rock revolution of the late ‘60s. Pop artists such as Prince and Michael Jackson and great filmmakers who rose to prominence in the '70s, such as Steven Spielberg and David Lynch.

To give credit where credit is due, a Redditor posted on the Gen X page asking fellow members of his generation to admit the things boomers were right about. “It’s become fashionable to blame Boomers for all ills in the world and to demonize them. As Gen-X, Gen Z will even give us the ‘Okay, Boomer’ tripe,” they wrote. “But from a Gen X perspective, what do you see as them being right about?”

Here are 17 things that Gen Xers say boomers were right about.

1. Boomer women changed the workplace

"Boomer women paved a huge path for younger generations in the workplace. It wasn’t until the early 70’s that women could get credit cards or even bank accounts without their husband’s permission. It’s actually really sad that we have forgotten how hard it was for previous generations of women."

"Tag onto this, mortgage and housing laws! No woman could get a mortgage without her father, brother, or husband co-signing no matter HOW MUCH money she made. Same for redlining and fair lending laws."

2. Music

"Those boomers came up with some pretty f***ing fantastic music."


3. Casual clothing

"I appreciate that they introduced comfortable, casual clothing as an everyday thing. Earlier generations had mostly very structured clothing, but the young boomers burned their bras."

"It’s crazy to look at old photos and see even impoverished people (by western standards) wearing thick scratchy wool suits whenever they’re out in public. I’m so grateful for my Adidas athleisure clothes!"

"My uncle mentioned that one year in the late '60s everyone just stopped wearing a tie to their college classes."

4. Modern technology

"The boomers brought us the computers, software and cellular phones we’re all using to bitch about them. Pretty rich."


5. They were good teachers

"Controversial take...teaching. My boomer teachers in high school were fantastic. Public schooling was totally different back then (1970s thru 80s), but they "liberalized" public education from the Eisenhower era. I'm glad I had hippie teachers."

"I think with this it’s important to remember that that there were fewer jobs that women were able to enter with ease, even back in the 80’s, so we had the cream of the crop in terms of teachers then, IMO."

6. They ended rampant sexual harassment

"As I mentioned in a previous discussion, it would largely have been Boomers (more the later Generation Jones side rather than the earlier ones) who pushed to reduce sexual harassment in the workplace. This occurred mostly through law, but also through social norms."

7. They were more collective

"Overall, they are still a more of a collective culture. More sense of community, whether church, neighborhood association, meetup groups, etc. I feel like we've swung too far in the other direction. Every following generation seems more lonely- people are more aloof and not loyal to any particular group. People don't know their neighbors."

"There was this understanding that you talked to your neighbors, even if you didn't really like them. And sometimes you might change your mind. Toleration, even with people you're not fond of."

8. The hippies

"I will always love the peace, not war, flower child. Let’s all take psychedelics and love each other thing. Too bad it didn’t last. It might have been a disaster, but considering where we are now?"


9. They raised (some of) Gen X

"Us."

"Yes, but in a twisted way: they got us right by neglecting us to the point of ferality, and that’s why we are who we are now. Wouldn’t trade it but can’t necessarily give them props for it."

"But which generation is more likely to survive an apocalypse? And the world seems to be headed that way, so our feral upbringing might come in handy."

"My mom told me to go outside and play. All the bike riding, running around and swimming has made us healthier than the younger generations."

10. They're more sociable

"Being able to have nice conversations at the workplace. Now I work with GenZ and Millennials and nobody can carry a conversation."

"I have noticed that too. Not all of them, but a lot. It's so sad, and a little dangerous when you aren't paying attention to what is going on around you."


11. Hard workers

"Boomers had tremendous work ethic, and lay the foundation of many institutions we still rely on today. These may need to evolve and be upgraded over time, but it shouldn't take away their achievement what they were able to advance. Many boomers worked through absolutely shitty labor conditions with half the protections we have today, and did it to feed their families."

"They understood you needed to work/work hard to get the things you wanted in life, earning your place in the workplace...instead of showing up on day 1 being entitled to be at the top of the salary scale."

12. They shook things up

"In all honesty, and I think it depends on how you're brought up whether you see this as a positive or negative, but they were instrumental in the cosmic level change in American culture. Whether we are talking about something simple like "acceptable hairatyles" and clothing to more heavy topics like attitudes towards sex and sexuality and equal rights. The reality is that they shook up the standards of the time. And for the most part, I think it has had positive impacts. When we look at what people complain about now through the lens of the '40s and '50s, one can't deny that many of those topics would never see the light of day and could lead to dangerous outcomes for those bringing them up. And I'm not talking about the heavy hitters (for that time) like gay marriage (or gay anything, really) or interracial relationships, but the trivial stuff like women wearing pants, saying words like 'pe is' and 'vagina' out loud, or wearing dark socks with tennis shoes and/or shorts on."


13. Lowered the voting age

"They lowered the voting age to 18. They were being sent to war, and they weren’t old enough to vote for the f***ers who were sending them."

14. Expanded America's palate

"I feel boomers are where food started to get more diverse in the USA. I collect old cookbooks and it's interesting to see the changes in menus."


15. They used their numbers to their advantage

"Baby boomers used their vast numbers in the US to influence policy. While the decision makers were older, BB’s in their twenties were out there taking collective action to bring attention to important social and environmental causes. They taught us not to feel helpless and to act on your principles. (At least some of them did. A bunch of them were yuppies too! Because in the end, there is variety in people and in their values.)"

"Civil rights greatly advanced. Things aren’t perfect yet but the amount of progress the Boomers brought to the status quo at the time should not be forgotten."

16. Ended the draft

"They successfully ended the draft. However, I'd say Nixon and the gang figured out that actually works better for the War Machine. See, an all-volunteer Army has recruitment issues all the time, but before when Johnny was drafted and killed in a 'senseless war,' the whole neighborhood got very upset and vocal. Today, when Johnny (Gen X) volunteers, it's just a job. When Johnny gets killed by an IED in Iraq, it's a shame and everyone's sad, but the neighborhood can brush off the grief and say, 'Well, he did volunteer...'"

17. They had good sound systems

"The commitment some boomers had to home stereo systems and record collections. I learned just how good music could sound from boomer relatives who spent a small fortune on speakers, components, LPs, reel to reel, etc. It inspired me and I’ve always taken home stereo seriously, buying the best that I could afford while saving money by not buying things like digital surround sound systems and nice TVs. I’d rather spend the money on records and better speakers!"

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Modern Families

Millenials share their boomer parents’ 15 quirky (and frustrating) habits they just don't get

"They act jealous of us traveling but refuse to go anywhere."

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Boomer parents who don't like to travel, but say they do.

When it comes to intergenerational conflict, you never hear too much about Gen Z having a hard time with Generation X or the silent generation having beef with the baby boomers. However, there seems to be some problem where baby boomers and millennials just can’t get on the same page.

Maybe it’s because millennials were raised during the technological revolution and have to help their boomer parents log into Netflix. There’s also a political divide: Millennials are a reliable liberal voting bloc, whereas boomers are the target demographic for Fox News. Both generations also have differing views on parenting, with boomers favoring an authoritative style over the millennials' gentler approach.

A Redditor asked Xennials, older millennials, and younger Gen Xers born between 1977 and 1983 to share some quirks of their boomer parents, and they created a fun list of habits that can be both endearing and frustrating. The users shared that millennials are frustrated with their parents' abilities to use technology but are touched when they send them a greeting card.



Of course, it is reductive to reduce generations into a series of stereotypes, whether it’s millennials or baby boomers. But, for many, hearing that they aren’t the only person who gets frustrated with their boomer parents can be pretty cathartic and make them feel less alone.

Here are 15 boomer parent quirks that Millenials just don’t understand.

1. They save everything

"They save EVERYTHING (containers, jars, boxes, etc.) just in case they might be able to use it for something later. I feel like this habit was handed down from our grandparents' Great Depression upbringing."

"Absolutely! Shopping bags, empty yogurt containers, boxes that some product came in…..although I love me a 'good box!' I have all my iPhone boxes for no reason."


person using laptop attach to vehicle near green leaf plant during daytime Photo by Brina Blum on Unsplash

2. Scary texts

"Will text something foreboding like 'we need to talk;' then turns out she forgot a recipe."

"My dad will text me 'You need to call me right now' when it’s nothing. And not tell me major life events until well after the fact. Like my aunt had a heart attack and I found out a week later from her son. (And my dad did know.)"



3. Stranger death toll

"My mom is ALWAYS telling me about dead people I’ve never met. I really do not care. I know that sounds awful, but I don’t have it in me to be sad for everyone on the planet when they pass."

“You remember my friend Carol? Her aunt had that above-ground swimming pool in her backyard. We swam in it a couple times one summer when you were about 9. Anyway, Carol’s mom just lost her brother-in-law. They were very close. Thought you’d want to know.”

4. They don't travel

"They act jealous of us traveling but refuse to go anywhere."

"Ooh good one. Mine act jealous of anything we do/buy that they can't solely because they can't get out of their own way and actually make things happen."


man and woman sitting on blue sofa Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

5. They print everything

"My Boomer FIL prints out EVERYTHING from his computer. I understand printing out instructions or recipes to help remember but do you really need a file cabinet full of forwarded emails from friends and sale adverts from 5 years ago? Oh well, at least he keeps it organized. Also, both TVs in the house run 24/7 playing reruns of 'CSI: Who Gives a Sh*t Anymore?'"

"I'm not on Facebook, but my dad is. Last year, he made a celebratory post on my birthday and all his church friends liked and commented on it. He printed up the post and all of the comments, stapled it into a little book, and MAILED me the printed Facebook comments..."



6. 'From, dad' texts

"My dad sends text messages with, 'From, Dad' at the end of them. It cracks me up every time. He also states who he is every time he calls me."

7. Irrational fears

"One quirk my dad had was that he was deathly afraid of the house burning down. Not from the standpoint of the danger of fire but when he was growing up, if your house burnt down, you were basically homeless and destitute. My mom is much more level headed about it. She always told my dad, that is why we have homeowners insurance."


A man in a hard hat inspects an electrical boxman in brown and white plaid dress shirt and yellow hard hat holding black and orange Photo by Emmanuel Ikwuegbu on Unsplash

8. Expired food

"My mother-in-law doesn't throw out expired food. She has food in her pantry that is several years past their expiration dates. Same with condiments in her fridge. You just can't trust any of the food she has on hand because more than likely than not it's way expired. When we have brought this up, that she needs to throw some stuff out, she insists it's absolutely fine. It's not. "

"My grandmother is the same way. Once, she opened her refrigerator, and there was a jar of pickles with mold floating on the surface of the liquid. I pointed it out, and she said it was still good. She would just scoop the mold out at a later time. She has an incredibly strong stomach and immune system."



9. Smartphone addiction

"You always hear a kids 'these kids always on their damn phones.' But when it comes to phone addiction, boomers are far worse."

"My mom drives five hours to see us, then spends the whole time texting people from her church or looking at Facebook."

"I once sat in their living room for over an hour before they decided to put their phones down and speak to me, only to phub me and pick them right back up."

10. Rigid gender roles

"My dad still clings to the traditional division of 'men's/women's work.' He'll fix a car, do any outside work, clean out a clogged drain. Cooking? If it's any more complicated than making coffee or calling in a pizza, he can't/won't. I don't think he even grills anymore. Laundry? Hell no. Taking care of small children? He'll play with them but that's it."


A man stands over an open hood of a green carman in blue top fixing green car during daytime Photo by Elvis Bekmanis on Unsplash

11. The TV is constantly on

"In-laws leave the TV on for all waking hours. And FIL gets irritated if someone talks over the episode of MASH or Walker, Texas Ranger, that he's already seen 50 times. Like clenching his teeth and stomping the floor."

"TV on 24/7. Constantly flipping between some version of Law and Order, HGTV, and Guy Fieri. Asking me 'did you see that commercial where…' No mom. I don’t have cable. I don’t see commercials. All of the time."



12. They are always right

"My dad...he's has to be right about everything and doesn't know what to do if you beat him to the point on something. He once was giving me a recipe that required cinnamon, cardamon, and clove and told me just to use Pumpkin Pie Spice! It's the greatest thing! 'Dad, I don't need to. I have all those spices on hand (I bake)' But...no! You have to use this. 'No, I don't. I don't need to buy something that I already have" It happens all the time."

"My parents are always right and they are not impressed about anything."

13. Obsessed with the weather

"Yes, my dad should have been a meteorologist. He used to have a weather alert radio that would sound off in the middle of the night and he would watch the weather channel constantly. We all had to quiet down when your local weather forecast on the 8's came on. He gets really excited about severe weather like when we might get thunderstorms or a tornado."


Three people with umbrellas walk in the rainselective color photography of three person holding umbrellas under the rain Photo by Ryoji Iwata on Unsplash

14. One more thing

"Without fail, every time I'm leaving my mother's house and backing down the driveway, she comes back out of her house and stops me to say something else, even though we'd just spoken."

15. Mail stress

"My mom has an anxiety attack during the entire journey of a package or piece of mail she dispatched to me. No, she doesn’t know how to track. She will not rest until she knows that a package has arrived or a nominal check has been cashed. She calls when she is thinking about sending something, when she sent it, when it’s en route, and when it’s expected to arrive. God forbid it’s late. And if I don’t issue a prompt thank you, she will guilt me."

This story originally appeared in January.
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Joy

Comedian's viral video perfectly nails how each generation arrives at someone's house

"Millennials will arrive late, but they will text you to let you know they're on their way, just as they're about to get into the shower."

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Boomers knock. Millennials and Gen Z text "here."

Playing with the contrasts between generations has become a modern pastime, as baby boomers, Gen X, millennials and Gen Z see and experience the world quite differently. Generation gaps have always existed, of course, but the tech age has widened those gaps in big ways, sometimes creating challenges, but often resulting in hilarity.

For instance, watching a Gen Zer try to figure out how to use a rotary phone is pure entertainment. The way emojis are used and interpreted varies vastly by age, making for some chuckle-worthy communication mishaps. Slang terms can be hard to keep up with the older you get, but they can also be manipulated by savvy elders to great comedic effect.

And now, comedian Jake Lambert has compared how the different generations arrive at someone's house in a viral video that's been viewed more than 12 million times.

"You've basically got boomers who will turn up completely unannounced any time from about 7:00 in the morning and they will knock on your door just slightly louder than the police using a battering ram carrying out a house raid," Lambert begins.

"And then you've got Gen X. They would have made the plans well in advance, and they would've also checked in a couple of days before just to make sure the plans are definitely still happening," he went on. "You see, Gen X is the forgotten generation and they're so scarred by this title they would've assumed that you'd forgotten not only about the plans but about their very existence."

"Millennials will have hoped that the plans would've been canceled. There's no reason that a millennial will ever actually want to come to your house," he continued. "They will arrive late, but they will text you to let you know they're on their way, just as they're about to get into the shower. And a millennial will never knock on your door. You'll just get a text either saying 'here' or 'outside,' and that's your cue to go and let them in."

"Similarly, Gen Z will never actually knock," he concluded. "But the chances are they won't have to, as they would have been documenting the entire journey from their house to yours, maybe even on Facetime using this angle [camera facing directly up at the chin] as they go along for some reason. Either that or they'll just send a picture of your front door or a selfie of them outside it. And again, just like the millennial, that's your cue to go and rescue them from the outside world."

People felt alternately seen, attacked and validated by Lambert's assessments, with the most common response being "accurate."

"I‘m a millennial, my husband GenX. Scarily accurate! 😂"

"Described this millennial to a T."

"This is surprisingly accurate 😂 I laughed slightly louder than the police using a battering ram…"

"Sooo accurate…guilty of the lateness and ‘here’ text 🙃"

"I must admit I'm a millennial. But knocking on the door feels so aggressive, uknow? 😅😇"

"Millennial texting to say almost there but just started getting dressed to go out. Why do we do this? It's not intentional, at least not for me."

"Honestly your observations are just brilliant! GenX-er here!"

"The Gen Z angle omg 😂😂"

Some people didn't resonate with their generation's description, but there are exceptions to every rule and some people will never fit a stereotype. However, judging by the wave of affirmative responses, Lambert nailed the generational generalities across the board—and did so in a way that allows us all to laugh at ourselves.

You can follow Jake Lambert on Instagram.


This article originally appeared last year.

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