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15 'habits' of people who grew up with an 'emotionally fragile' parent

Having an emotionally fragile parent can leave lasting damage.

15 'habits' of people who grew up with an 'emotionally fragile' parent
via The Mighty

If you grew up with an "emotionally fragile" parent, chances are, you didn't have the typical, idyllic childhood you often see in movies.

Maybe your parent lived with debilitating depression that thrust you into the role of caregiver from a very young age.

Maybe your parent was always teetering on the edge of absolute rage, so you learned to tiptoe around them to avoid an explosion. Or maybe your parent went through a divorce or separation, and leaned on you for more emotional support than was appropriate to expect of a child.

Growing up with an emotionally fragile parent can leave lasting damage on a person as they leave childhood and enter adulthood.

Though it's true many kids who grow up with emotionally compromised or neglectful parents struggle with their mental health in adulthood, it's important to remember parents seldom set out to abuse their kids.

Oftentimes they simply do not have the support or resources to care for their own mental health. If you are a parent struggling with your mental health, we want you to know there is no shame in struggling, but it's important to seek the support you need.

Our partners at The Mighty wanted to know what "habits" people who grew up with emotionally fragile parents have now as adults, so they asked their community to community to share their experiences with us.

Here's are the "habits" our community shared with us:

1. Constantly Apologizing"

"Constantly apologizing is just one of many things I do as a result of an 'emotionally fragile' parent. Another is panic and, again, apologize if someone looks at their watch or checks the time when I am doing something, particularly if shopping. It is why I prefer to be alone and do things at my own pace, the anxiety and fear such an innocent thing like checking the time because of me is horrible." — Jodie B.

"Constantly apologizing for normal things like having an opinion and crying, bending over backwards to please everyone and keep the peace, not standing up for myself because when I did at home I'd get blown up at, etc." — Natalie J.

2. Overthinking

"I overthink everything all of the time because I'm trying to prepare myself for the next thing you will be disappointed in." — Faith L.

3. Always Feeling Afraid of Upsetting Others

"Not talking or doing anything for fear of getting into trouble or making people upset. Feeling like you can't move or speak without permission, even amongst your closet friends." — Rye B.

4. Having "Control Issues"

"I have huge control issues because I felt responsible for everyone's feelings. My father had a hairpin trigger temper and my mother was a perpetual victim, so I tried to micromanage every little thing to keep him from exploding, and protect her. Now I have debilitating anxiety and it becomes worse if I feel like something is out of my control. Because if I can't control everything, then something might upset someone, and it'll be my fault and not only will I be in trouble, but no one will love me. It's exhausting." — Murphy M.

5. Being a "Parent" for Others

"Be the mom for all my group friends. The mature person who will be there to give you the advice someone else can't." — Gladys M.

"Automatically parent everybody because I had to do it my whole life, but then I break down when it comes to trying to take care of myself." — Chloe L.

6. Struggling to Make Decisions

"I have a hard time making choices, or having an opinion. When you spent your whole childhood, teens and part of your 20s without the ability to choose things for yourself, you either feel guilty, or really uncomfortable having an opinion. Because you feel like you're going to get in trouble, or you're going to have a panic attack." — Kaylee L.

7. Ignoring Your Own Feelings

"I feel like I always have to fix everyone, take care of everyone, control everything. I feel like I have to ignore my feelings, and I have a hard time reaching out to people." — Kayla O.

"[I] try so hard to hide my feelings rather than rock the boat." — Jodi A.

8. Being a "People-Pleaser"

"I find it impossible to talk about how I feel. I constantly try make others happy, even if it means hurting myself. But I grew up with a dad who was both physically and emotionally abusive." — Jamie J.

"Being a people-pleaser. I do a lot of 'fawning' now because I always had to watch what I said in case it triggered either severe depression or anger." — Sela M.

9. Feeling Like You're a Supporting Role in Your Own Life

"I always feel like I'm just playing a small supporting role in the great drama of other people's lives instead of my life being a story of my own. I have a really hard time believing my feelings are valid and matter." — Susanna L.

10. Constantly Fearing Abandonment

"Constantly fearing abandonment… And no matter how much reassurance I get, I keep waiting for the moment where that love disappears." — Monika S.

11. Overanalyzing the Behavior of Others

"I overanalyze how people talk and their body language. When you're used to looking for small clues to try to make life easier or prepare for a meltdown, it's… a hard habit to break." — Lexi R.

12. Pushing People Away

"I push people away when I hit my depression low since that's what my mom did. I'm trying to learn how to let people in but it's hard to do at times and I never know how to tell people." — Jennifer B.

13. Getting Offended Easily

"My daughter would say I cry too much and get offended too easily, and she isn't wrong." — Kat E.

14. Cleaning Up After Others

"Cleaning other people's homes while you're there because you grew up cleaning up after everyone because your parents didn't clean." — Des S.

15. Being Very Empathetic

"Yes there has been some negative impact but I also recognize that I learned how to be empathetic at a really young age. I remember my mom crying — I was only about 3 years old — and I went and got her the stuffed bear she had in her room." — Lauren A.

If you grew up having to take care of an emotionally fragile parent, you're not alone. Whether you're struggling to assert boundaries in your life, have trouble communicating your needs or don't know how to take care of yourself, we want you to know there's a community of people who want to support you in your recovery journey.


The article was originally published by our partners at the Mighty and was written by Juliette Virzi. It first appeared here on 8.19.19

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Gen Zer asks Gen X how they got around without GPS and the answers are perfectly accurate

"We're old. Older than Google, too."

Photo credit: Canva

Gen Zer asks how people got around without GPS, Gen X responds

It's easy to forget what life was like before cell phones fit in your pocket and Google could tell you the meaning of life in less than .2 seconds. Gen Z is the first generation to be born after technology began to move faster than most people can blink. They never had to deal with the slow speeds and loud noises of dial up internet.

In fact, most people that fall in the Gen Z category have no idea that their parents burned music on a CD thinking that was peak mix tape technology. Oh, how wrong they were. Now songs live in a cloud but somehow come out of your phone without having to purchase the entire album or wait until the radio station plays the song so you can record it.

But Gen Z has never lived that struggle so the idea of things they consider to be basic parts of life not existing are baffling to them. One self professed Gen Zer, Aneisha, took to social media to ask a question that has been burning on her mind–how did people travel before GPS?

Now, if you're older than Gen Z–whose oldest members are just 27 years old–then you likely know the answer to the young whippersnapper's question. But even some Millennials had trouble answering Aneisha's question as several people matter of factly pointed to Mapquest. A service that requires–you guessed it, the internet.

Aneisha asks in her video, "Okay, serious question. How did people get around before the GPS? Like, did you guys actually pull a map and like draw lines to your destination? But then how does that work when you're driving by yourself, trying to hold up the map and drive? I know it's Gen Z of me but I kind of want to know."

@aneishaaaaaaaaaaa I hope this reaches the right people, i want to know
♬ original sound - aneishaaaaaaa

These are legitimate questions for someone who has never known life without GPS. Even when most Millennials were starting to drive, they had some form of internet to download turn-by-turn directions, so it makes sense that the cohort between Gen Z and Gen X would direct Aneisha to Mapquest. But there was a time before imaginary tiny pirates lived inside of computer screens to point you in the right direction and tales from those times are reserved for Gen X.

The generation known for practically raising themselves chimed in, not only to sarcastically tell Millennials to sit down but to set the record straight on what travel was like before the invention of the internet. Someone clearly unamused by younger folks' suggestion shares, "The people saying mapquest. There was a time before the internet kids."

Others are a little more helpful, like one person who writes, "You mentally note landmarks, intersections. Pretty easy actually," they continue. "stop at a gas station, open map in the store, ($4.99), put it back (free)."

"Believe it or not, yes we did use maps back then. We look at it before we leave, then take small glances to see what exits to take," someone says, which leaves Aneisha in disbelief, replying, "That's crazyy, I can't even read a map."

"Pulled over and asked the guy at the gas station," one person writes as another chimes in under the comment, "and then ask the guy down the street to make sure you told me right."

Imagine being a gas station attendant in the 90s while also being directionally challenged. Was that part of the hiring process, memorizing directions for when customers came in angry or crying because they were lost? Not knowing where you were going before the invention of the internet was also a bit of a brain exercise laced with exposure therapy for those with anxiety. There were no cell phones so if you were lost no one who cared about you would know until you could find a payphone to check in.

The world is so overly connected today that the idea of not being able to simply share your location with loved ones and "Ask Siri" when you've gotten turned around on your route seems dystopian. But in actuality, if you took a few teens from 1993 and plopped them into 2024 they'd think they were living inside of a sci-fi movie awaiting aliens to invade.

Technology has made our lives infinitely easier and nearly unrecognizable from the future most could've imagined before the year 2000, so it's not Gen Z's fault that they're unaware of how the "before times" were. They're simply a product of their generation.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Justice

Why the "MAGA Granny" convicted for her role in the Capitol riots rejected Trump's pardon

She's taking a stand that everyone should pay attention to.

Images via Facebook

Pamela Hemphill, formerly known as the "MAGA Granny"

Mere hours into his second term, President Trump signed an executive order granting clemency to roughly 1,500 people charged with offenses related to the Capitol riots and protests on January 6th, 2021. But one woman who went to jail for her role is refusing the pardon, saying none should have been issued at all.

Pamela Hemphill, formerly dubbed "MAGA Granny" on social media, pleaded guilty to parading, demonstrating, or picketing in a Capitol building in 2022. She received a 60-day sentence, 36 months of probation, and an order to pay $500 restitution. "We were wrong that day," Hemphill told the BBC, adding that "[a]ccepting a pardon would only insult the Capitol police officers, rule of law and, of course, our nation." She continued, "I pleaded guilty because I was guilty, and accepting a pardon also would serve to contribute to their gaslighting and false narrative."

In a recent USA Today feature, Hemphill opened up about her change in perspective since January 6th, which she called “the worst day in our history."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Many current Republicans support Trump but oppose the blanket pardons. The Fraternal Order of Police, the nation's largest police union, and the International Association of Chiefs of Police, issued a joint statement denouncing the move, saying they "firmly believe" that anyone "convicted of killing or assaulting law enforcement officers" should be forced to "serve their full sentences."

"When perpetrators of crimes, especially serious crimes, are not held fully accountable, it sends a dangerous message that the consequences for attacking law enforcement are not severe, potentially emboldening others to commit similar acts of violence," the note continues.

Several Republican senators also took issue with the pardons, including North Carolina's Thom Tillis, who was surprised by their scope. "I just can’t agree,” he said. “I’m about to file two bills that will increase the penalties up to and including the death penalty for the murder of a police officer and increasing the penalties and creating federal crimes for assaulting a police officer—that should give you everything you need to know about my position.”

In their statement, the Fraternal Order of Police and the International Association of Chiefs of Police criticized Trump's predecessor for the same reasons. In one of his final acts in office, President Biden commuted the life sentence of Indigenous activist Leonard Peltier, who was convicted of killing two FBI agents in 1975. (Peltier, 80, will serve the rest of his sentence at home.) Biden, like Trump, also faced pushback from members of his own party—in this case, for using pardons for family and government employees who haven't been charged with crimes.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"We need to make a critique of some of the more unjust pardons, like the January 6 pardons," said Democratic Sen. Tim Kaine, of Virginia. "And I think it’s harder to make that critique, to stand on the high ground and make a critique of the Trump pardons on January 6 when President Biden is pardoning family members.” Democratic Rep. Jared Moskowitz of Florida told CBS News, "I'm not a fan of these pardons. I wish he didn't feel that he needed to do that. ... Now the precedent is set, from now into the future."

Political division is inescapable—seemingly more now than ever. But by taking a stand, Hemphill has set a unique and powerful precedent for people on both sides of the aisle. It takes courage to stand for one's principles, even when doing the opposite would benefit them personally.

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'90s kid shares the 10 lies that everyone's parent told them

"Don't swallow that gum. If you do, it'll take 7 years to come out."

via 90sKid4lyfe/TikTok (used with permission)

90sKidforLife shares 10 lies everyone's parents told in the era.

Children believe everything their parents tell them. So when parents lie to prevent their kids to stop them from doing something dumb, the mistruth can take on a life of its own. The lie can get passed on from generation to generation until it becomes a zombie lie that has a life of its own. Justin, known as 90sKid4Lyfe on TikTok and Instagram, put together a list of 10 lies that parents told their kids in the ‘90s, and the Gen X kids in the comments thought it was spot on.

“Why was I told EVERY ONE of these?” Brittany, the most popular commenter, wrote. “I heard all of these plus the classic ‘If you keep making that face, it will get stuck like that,’” Amanda added. After just four days of being posted, it has already been seen 250,000 times.

Parents were always lying #90s #90skids #parenting

@90skid4lyfe

Parents were always lying #90s #90skids #parenting

Here are Justin’s 10 lies '90s parents told their kids:

1. "You can't drink coffee. It'll stunt your growth."

2. "If you pee in the pool, it's gonna turn blue."

3. "Chocolate milk comes from brown cows."

4. "If you eat those watermelon seeds, you'll grow a watermelon in your stomach."

5. "Don't swallow that gum. If you do, it'll take 7 years to come out."

6. "I told you we can't drive with the interior light on. ... It's illegal."

7. "Sitting that close to the TV is going to ruin your vision."

8. "If you keep cracking your knuckles, you're gonna get arthritis."

8. "You just ate, you gotta wait 30 minutes before you can swim."

10. "If you get a tattoo, you won't find a job."


This article originally appeared last year.

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Pop Culture

Artist uses AI to create ultra realistic portraits of celebrities who left us too soon

What would certain icons look like if nothing had happened to them?

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Mercury would be 78 today.

Some icons have truly left this world too early. It’s a tragedy when anyone doesn’t make it to see old age, but when it happens to a well-known public figure, a bit of their art and legacy dies with them. What more might Freddie Mercury have accomplished if he were granted the gift of long life? Bruce Lee? Princess Diana?

Their futures might be mere musings of our imagination, but thanks to a lot of creativity (and a little tech) we can now get a glimpse into what these celebrities might have looked like when they were older.

Alper Yesiltas, an Istanbul-based lawyer and photographer, created a photography series titled “As If Nothing Happened,” which features eerily realistic portraits of long gone celebrities in their golden years. To make the images as real looking as possible, Yesiltas incorporated various photo editing programs such as Adobe Lightroom and VSCO, as well as the AI photo-enhancing software Remini.

“The hardest part of the creative process for me is making the image feel ‘real’ to me,” Yesiltas wrote about his passion project. “The moment I like the most is when I think the image in front of me looks as if it was taken by a photographer.”

Yesiltas’ meticulousness paid off, because the results are uncanny. Along with each photo, Yesiltas writes a bittersweet message “wishing” how things might have gone differently…as if nothing happened.

Freddie Mercury

“I wish he hadn't got that disease.”

There are plenty of amazing Freddie Mercury tributes and impersonators out there, but there will only ever be ONE Freddie Mercury.

Heath Ledger

“I wish he hadn't been affected by the exhaustion of his role.”

One of Ledger's most notable roles is queer cowboy Ennis Del Mar in Ang Lee's iconic 2005 romantic western drama Brokeback Mountain. In a time when queer storytelling was still taboo, Ledger's honest and compassionate portrayal broke down a lot of barriers for future stories.

Though Ledger officially died due to an overdose, many believe it was his role of The Joker in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight that pushed him over the edge.

Janis Joplin

ai art

Joplin would be 81.

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“I wish she hadn't sought the inspiration she needed elsewhere.”

The powerful singer with electric stage presence is still one of the greatest female rock stars of all time. Scratch that—one of the greatest rock stars of all time, period.

Jimi Hendrix

jimi hendrix

Hendrix would be 82.

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“I wish he hadn't sought the inspiration he needed elsewhere.”

Like Joplin and Ledger, Hendrix died due to an overdose—though many have speculated that it was instead the result of foul play.

Michael Jackson

“I wish he hadn't faced vitiligo.”

However questionable his personal life was, the King of Pop made some of the biggest contributions to music of all time. People continue to sing his songs, and likely will for a very, very long time.

Kurt Cobain

nirvana

Cobain would be 57.

Bored Panda

“I wish he had decided to stay.”

The insightful, poetic and troubled Cobain took his life at 27. His story is a cautionary tale that success does not help thwart struggles with mental health. in fact, it can worsen it.

Bruce Lee

bruce lee

Lee would be 83.

Bored Panda

“I wish he hadn't taken that painkiller that day.”

The actor and martial-arts expert died at 32, officially due to a harmful reaction to a painkiller. His philosophies around kung fu, however, are eternal.

John Lennon

“I wish he hadn't been in New York that day.”

Legendary artist and activist John Lennon was fatally wounded by a gunshot in December 1980. The last thing he talked about, revealed ex-wife Yoko Ono in an interview, was the desire to see his son before he went to sleep.

Elvis Presley

elvis movie

Presley would be 89.

Bored Panda

“I wish he decided to live a life where he paid more attention to the health of his heart.”

Had Presley not died of cardiac arrest, he would be 89 this year.

Tupac Shakur

“I wish he hadn't been involved in that event that would cause him to face the mafia.”

The cause of Tupac’s untimely death is also one of debate and speculation. According to some, he never died at all. What we can all agree on—he was one of hip-hop's most iconic figures.

Princess Diana

This one seems to be a new addition to the collection, so no wistful message. Although I’m sure the general sentiment is “I wish she were still here.”

AI-generated art is a controversial topic, to be sure. Some consider it a new, innovative medium. Others see it as devoid of any real creativity at all, as it’s produced by a machine, rather than a human. Many are concerned that, as is the case with many jobs that get machine automated, it will threaten the livelihood of actual illustrators.

Those concerns are certainly valid, but perhaps there’s a balance to be found here, as Yesiltas seems to have accomplished. Previously, another artist similarly created stunningly lifelike portraits of cartoon characters from Encanto and The Simpsons. These works still required the human touch, and were carefully crafted over time rather than cracked out in mere seconds, as is the case with a lot of AI art.

At its best, AI art helps remind us, as Yesiltas puts it, that "anything imaginable can be shown in reality.” Which, at the end of the day, could be said for any art.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Business

Garbage man shares exactly how much he makes and now everyone wants to get their hands dirty

Now I see why sanitation jobs are so hard to come by.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

What did you want to be when you grew up? A doctor? Lawyer? Firefighter or brain surgeon? Maybe you achieved those dreams (congrats!) or maybe your idea of "success" changed radically as you got older. Reality is, if you can earn a living wage doing work you don't hate, with some decent benefits and time off, you're doing pretty dang well in life.

Not too many kids would say they want to grow up to become garbage collectors — and, in fact, there's a pretty strong stigma against the job — but they might rethink that if they knew how good of a career it actually is. One garbage collector was recently interviewed on TikTok where he was asked: "Can you make like six figures with overtime?" His response: "Oh, easily man."

The man who works for CR&R, an environmental services company in California, said "Starting pay is about $29 an hour, some drivers are making like $33." He says he and the other drivers routinely pull 12 hours days, working from 5am to 5pm, with overtime kicking in after 8 hours.

60 hours a week x $33 per hour puts him over $100k in pay before taxes and before factoring in the overtime pay. Now, those are long hours (very long), and hard work, but there are plenty of careers out there that demand the same hours and hard work and don't pay nearly as well. (Try working in an Amazon warehouse for about half the salary.)

The worker was then asked if he would recommend a career as a garbage collector to others. "Honestly, I would man just cause the pay is pretty competitive and the hours, there's a lot of work here. If you're into working overtime and everything like that..." you can do really well. Plus..."Really good benefits, I can't complain."

Watch the whole interview here.


@laneape.co

Spoke with @theonlymemoo, a CR&R driver making $28-$33/hr 🚛 He says the job has long hours, good benefits, and he recommends it. Crazy story? A coworker found a body in a trash enclosure right before the holidays. Could you handle this job? ⬇️ #TruckDriverLife #WasteManagement #CareerInsights #WorkLifeStories #garbagedisposal #sanitation #garbageman #garbagetruck #garbageart #dumpster #dumpsterdive #trashtalk #drivers #driverjobs #drivingjobs #wasteman #doublebubble #overtime #overtimehours #trades #tradesman #tradesmen #sixfigureincome #trucker #truckerlife #truckersoftiktok #truckers #truckertok #truckerslife #truckertiktok #truckerhat #truckergirl #truckerwife #trucking #truckinglife #truckin #truckinaround #truckingindustry #truckinglifestyle #truckingaround #truckingcompany #truckingfamily #cdl #cdllife #cdldriver #cdlschool #cdltruckdriver #classB

Other sanitation workers were quick to verify: Being a garbage collector is tough work, but it definitely doesn't stink.

Some commenters pointed out that making $100k per year in California isn't much, but the one nice thing about working in sanitation is that you can do it almost anywhere, and it's a solid career pretty much everywhere you turn.

"42$ an hour in Seattle I made 155k last year lots of over time," one user wrote.

Someone commented that he makes $50/hour as a garbage collector in San Francisco. A user from Houston claimed $30/hour. A man from Illinois quotes $43/hour.


garbage truck picking up trash on the street Photo by Ewoud Van den Branden on Unsplash

Garbage collectors who work for the city can also get government benefits and retirement, plus these workers can get union representation to protect their jobs, salaries, and benefits. There's also plentiful opportunity for overtime which can be worth 1.5x the usual hourly wage. But perhaps most importantly of all, what the job may lack in flash in sizzle, it more than makes up for in real-world impact.

Who wouldn't want to make our streets and communities cleaner!?

In a recent Reddit thread, a 24-year-old asked if he should be embarrassed about his job as a trash collector. The top response read: "Dude, I work for a health insurance company that makes it's profit by denying people life saving care. I'm ashamed of my job. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, you do honest work that benefits your community. I would love to tell people I worked in sanitation."

Blue-collar jobs where you get your hands dirty, so to speak, are widely viewed as less desirable than high-paying white collar jobs like computer programmer, consultant, or accountant. But that's starting to change.

Data shows more and more young people are going directly into the workforce or trade school and foregoing volatile technology-based careers.

Working for the postal service, driving for UPS, collecting garbage, or getting into a skilled trade like electrical or plumbing may not be glamorous, wealth-making careers; but if you're willing to work hard, they can provide you a really nice standard of living.

That's how jobs should work! If working 60 hours per week isn't for you, that's OK and understandable — but if you don't mind sacrificing for long hours, there should be a solid reward at the end, and at least in the case of garbage collectors, it sounds like there is. If you're looking for a career change and the ship has sailed on you becoming a world-renown rocket scientist, it's probably not too late to get your Class B driver's license and start picking up trash.

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