There are people among us who have no idea that a conversation should be a balanced back-and-forth between two or more people. Instead, they monopolize the conversation, going on and on without letting anyone get a word in edgewise. What’s worse is that they often have no idea how to take a hint and miss all of the verbal and nonverbal clues that they should stop.
These situations can be incredibly frustrating because you don’t want to be rude and tell them to stop, especially if it's a coworker or someone you have to see every day. But, at the same time, they are being incredibly rude by taking up your time and they're being selfish by not allowing you to contribute to the discussion.
A Redditor on the Social Skills subforum was fed up with a coworker who wouldn’t stop talking and asked the posters for some help. “There's this person at work who will corner me in the break room and talk for 20+ minutes about random stuff,” the person wrote. “They're nice enough, but I just want to eat my lunch in peace sometimes. I've tried saying ‘Well, I should get back to work,’ but they just keep talking. What are some polite but firm ways to extract myself from these conversations?”
The posters provided numerous verbal and nonverbal cues to get out of conversations with someone who won’t stop talking. Many also reiterated the point that it’s not rude to get up and walk away from someone who won’t shut up, especially if they were being inconsiderate in the first place.
Here are 17 ways to end a conversation with someone who talks too much
1. Pause, walk away
"At the very first semi-break in the monologue (time their breathing if you have to), you say, 'It sounds like you had a really great time (or other filler appropriate to the discussion). I’d love to talk, but I’m on a tight schedule.' AND WALK AWAY WHILE YOU’RE TALKING. It’s the last part that’s crucial. Those people just will not stop."
"Just this morning I had to basically do that: 'I really must be going' with a smile and wave, standing up and walking away to a woman still talking."
2. Grab their arm
"If they don't stop talking long enough for you to say, 'Great talking with you, I gotta run,' then you put a hand on their arm and SAY IT ANYWAY. I know you say they're 'nice,' but those who take up others' time with excessive talking are not being nice. They may think they're nice, but TIME is your most valuable asset! Also, don't spend a lot of time worrying about appearing rude. (since they obviously aren't worried about that!) They are just looking for an audience, ANY audience. People like this don't take hints, and often don't take direct feedback well. They just keep doing it because it's compulsive."
3. Slap your knee and go
"At conferences and such I say something like 'lovely chatting, you’ve got my phone number let’s stay in touch, I’m going to circulate as there a few more people here I have to talk to before the event is over.' As I’m British, I can also just slap my knees and say 'right' and other people get the message."
Further explanation...
"While sitting down, literally slap your own knees (well, a little above the knees, really) so it makes a bit of a sound. When English or Australians do this, they say, "Right!" and then stand up, and everyone knows it's time to go."
- YouTube youtu.be
4. Walk 'em back
"I used to have an employee who would constantly stop working,(shipping department) wandering away to chat and gossip with everyone. Of course, it was a distraction for everyone. She would show up at my office and walk in already talking. So the minute she showed up I would stand and continue the discussion while walking her straight back to her work station. I would then remind her I have work to do and exit the conversation. I would do this multiple times a day."
5. Understand they are being rude
"The first thing to realize is that the 'monopolizing' offender is being inconsiderate (not caring about you, not thinking about you, not considering your interest level or needs) in the first place. They may be socially oblivious or more likely just so self-centered that they don't think about other people until they are forced to. That means you are perfectly justified if you have to use actions that might normally appear abrupt to protect yourself from them."
6. The 'anyway' get away
A good 'anyway' is a goofy way to break things up and move on. If they don't stop talking, you sometimes need to cut them off and move on. It may be rude, but who's wasting whose time in the situation?"
"Anyway... and get ur ass away from them."
7. Close the door
"I slowly closed the door while they kept talking. It felt like comedy lol. For me, it seemed rude, but I’m not sure that they registered what happened?"
"Don’t open the door. They are still talking."
8. Slow escalation
"These people are used to being told off. You start politely and keep escalating your 'Stop Talking' requests until they do. Each and every time. They’ll get it."
9. How to end a chatty meeting
"So one day we had this meeting with another company and that started happening, and the owner of the other company said 'good meeting!' And wow, the meeting was just over. And I realized even if I wasn’t the leader, I could do the same thing. Basically, anytime I’m in a meeting and it starts running down, I just say 'good meeting!' And the meeting is always over."
10. Try the blunt approach
"You don’t need to worry too much about being rude to them because they don’t get social cues anyway. Just say, 'No time for stories today. I need some downtime by myself.' And walk away even if they’re still talking."
"Exactly. Placating them by dodging the issue just kicks the discomfort down the road. Sure, it's blunt, but there's nothing wrong with coming right out and honestly saying 'Hey, sorry, I just want to have some quiet time.'"
11. Delay the conversation
"I had a similar coworker and honestly felt bad because I knew they were just lonely, but I also really need my lunch break to mentally reset. I just asked 'Can we catch up after work?' Then I’d sit down, pop my headphones in, or start eating. It felt weird at first, but they actually respected it once they realized it wasn’t personal, just me needing some space."
12. Play the opposite card
"'Hey, seems like you decompress by talking, but I decompress by having quiet time to myself. I don't think we're compatible to share break time.'"
13. Don't ask questions
"It is frustrating because you really can’t ask questions to this type of person. Even if you want to know something, the knowledge that their response will include a hundred more details than you needed makes me keep my mouth shut. Where is the self-awareness? Are they so eager to engage with others because they don’t understand why people tend to distance themselves from them, or because they overwhelm those who are too polite and don't know how to escape until it’s too late?"
14. The Uno reverse card
"In Ireland, we say 'well I’ll let you go, sure.'"
15. Set the conversation timer
"Before they start talking or right after, you can say you have only one minute. Around when you think it's been a minute, politely say you have to go or just walk away."
16. Compliment them, set rules
"I've dealt with this by approaching the person when they're not mid monologue, and going: 'Hey there. I really appreciate how friendly and outgoing you are, you're super genuine to talk to (clarifies it's a problem with the convos themselves, not a personal attack). I have some social anxiety, and I've noticed I have a hard time cutting into the convo around extroverts (neutral framing of core issue). I think we could figure out how to end our chats so that you don't feel like I cut you off, and I don't feel more anxious when I have to go ('we' puts y'all both on the same side to problem solve, not competing).'"
17. Act supremely disinterested
"If you're in a situation where you do not want to leave the space (ie, in the break room during a break) and they do this, that can be more difficult. In practice, for a coworker that you have to see every day and don't want to burn bridges with, your options outside of avoiding the space may be limited. you can try subtle techniques - ie, don't make eye contact or look up when they start talking at you, say hi softly/tiredly, keep saying, 'what?' repeatedly as tho you're distracted and not paying attention to what they're saying, check your phone a lot - but, some people are so oblivious/feel so entitled to your attention that it may not work."
Tired TV Land GIF by TV Land Classic Giphy 
Paramount Network Kelly GIF by Yellowstone Giphy 
People socializing and making small talk.Image via Canva/ELEVATE
A man making a sales presentation.via
A man with his hands open making a speech.via
A cat lets you know you're wrong in a conversation.
Communications expert shares the 7-word phrase to shoot down anyone being disrespectful
Try this method next time someone says something rude.
A woman can't believe what she just heard.
Getting caught off guard by a rude comment from a coworker, family member, or total stranger can throw you for a loop. You immediately start wondering how you should respond. Should I insult the person right back or play it cool without stooping to their level? Everyone is going to be thrown by a disrespectful comment at some point, so it’s good to have a response in your back pocket for that moment when it comes.
Communications expert Jefferson Fisher provided a great response that we can all use recently on the Mel Robbins Podcast. Fisher is a Texas board-certified personal injury attorney and one of the most respected voices on argumentation and communication in the world. He is also the bestselling author of The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More.
How to respond to a rude or disrespectful comment
Fisher told Robbins that the first step in responding to the comment is nonverbal. You say nothing. “A lot of silence. So often, if you just wait 10 seconds that you're gonna add distance between what they said and how you're going to respond,” Fisher said. “They're saying this to get something out of you, cause in that moment, they're feeling something, whether it's a fear or an insecurity, whatever it is, you're not going to deliver on that same plane that they are.”
The next step is to let the rude person know that their behavior will not be tolerated in a confident manner.
“So somebody says something disrespectful, you give enough silence to make sure that it's a little awkward, and then you're going to say something to the effect of, ‘That's below my standard for a response.’ All of a sudden, you're now making it clear that what you just said was beneath me. And I don't respond to things that are beneath me in that way.”
Throw it back on them
If you prefer to put someone back on their heels instead of squelching the situation as Fisher recommends, John Bowe, a speech trainer, award-winning journalist, and author of I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in the Age of DisconnectionI Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in the Age of Disconnection, says that you should respond with a question: “Do you really mean that?”
“Say it with outrage or dripping sarcasm, with raised eyebrows or deadpan calm. It doesn’t matter. This phrase is quietly disarming and deceptively powerful,” Bowe writes for CNBC. Bowe says the response does two great things for you. First, it gives them a chance to reconsider their words because most rude comments are said without thinking. “By responding with curiosity instead of defensiveness, you’re holding up a mirror. Often, that’s all it takes for the other person to walk back their offense,” he writes.
After the person is asked if they meant what they said, they can double down on their rude comment, but they are probably more likely to backpedal or apologize.
Unfortunately, it’s a fact of life that, unless you live under a rock, you’ll have to deal with people making rude comments. But the best thing you can do is to prepare yourself to confidently put someone in their place so they’ll think twice about ever being rude to you again.