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What's the most clever and confident response to an insult? 6 experts share the best comebacks.

Study these so you'll be ready next time someone tries to insult you.

via SHVETS production/Pexels

A woman can't believe how she was insulted.

An insult can come out of nowhere and at any time. So, it’s best to prepare yourself with a skillful response that doesn’t start a fight but puts the offending person in their place. A great response to an insult makes the other person look worse and shows that you are confident and don’t care what your detractors think.

However, being hit with an insult out of nowhere can be jarring, making a skillful comeback difficult. That’s why we’ve compiled this list of 6 comebacks recommended by 5 therapists and a lawyer to put the hater in their place and make you look even better than before.

How do you respond to an insult?

1. “Are you okay?”

Bernadette Purcell, a popular LCSW on TikTok and author of "Divorced As F,” says that responding with “Are you okay?” puts “them on the defensive and gives you the upper hand.” Depending on how the response is delivered, it can be a genuine question to see if the insulter, who just said something inappropriate, is going through a personal problem. It’s also rooted in the assumption that the person is insecure and is trying to elevate themselves by putting others down. With this response, you seem confident and empathetic.



2. “Hey, flag on the play”

Ajita Robinson, a therapist in Bethesda, Md., told Time she often responds to insults with, “Hey, flag on the play,” a reference to when a referee calls a penalty in football. For example, one of Robinson’s clients went on a date with a man who said some things that were a bit sexually suggestive. So she responded to him with a “Hey, flag on the play.”

“I thought that was pretty cool because she used it as a way to express that this was something she was uncomfortable with,” Robinson says. “It’s lighthearted, but sends a signal that the comment or interaction crossed a boundary.”



How to respond to a backhanded compliment?

3. “I'm sure you mean that in the nicest way possible!”

Jessica Alderson, Co-Founder and Relationship Expert at So Syncd, says one of the best ways to respond to a backhanded compliment is by being humorous. “Employing humor can diffuse the tension of a backhanded compliment while also indirectly addressing the underlying criticism. You could respond with a lighthearted comment such as, ‘I'm sure you mean that in the nicest way possible!’ or ‘I'm glad I exceeded your low expectations’," Alderson told Verywell Mind.

A backhanded compliment is when someone says something that sounds like praise but has a hidden critique or negative twist. It might seem flattering initially, but there's usually an underlying message that the person you’re talking to isn’t being kind. For example, "You look great for someone your age!" is calling you attractive but old at the same time.



4. Do nothing

Riyan Portuguez, MP, RPm, RPsy, has the simplest response, but you must learn to keep a straight face. “So you take the insult, make no reaction to it,” he said on TikTok. “You smile and you look at them in the eye and say nothing. You are composed; it has no effect on you, and make sure you hold that smile and look them in the face and keep him waiting." Grayson Allen, a University of Cambridge graduate who shares TikTok psychology tips, agrees with Portuguez. “If you show that you're completely not phased or didn't even hear it, that's going to be awkward, they're going to look bad, and you're going to be in control,” he said on TikTok.



5. "What was your intention with that comment?"

Jessica Good, a therapist in St. Louis, told Time that this response is both “effective and therapeutic” because “it makes them say the quiet part out loud.” This puts the insulter in a very uncomfortable position of admitting that they intentionally insulted you or forces them to backtrack and lie their way out of the situation, making them look bad.



6. Agree with them

Jefferson Fisher isn't a therapist but a lawyer in Texas who calls himself an "argument expert." He says that when someone insults you, it's to get a dopamine hit. The key is to keep them from enjoying the chemical reaction. If he knows the person who insulted him, he'll agree with the remark. "By agreeing to it, I'll totally take away that satisfaction of the dopamine," Fisher said on TikTok. "So if someone puts me down, I'll say, 'You know, but maybe you're right. And, just checking in, are you feeling okay?' At all times, I'm letting them know I'm the one that's still here and in control."

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Career coach shares the phrase that will stop passive-aggressive coworkers in their tracks

It's all about being direct.

via Jennifer Brick/TikTok and Yan Krukau/Pexels

The phrase that will shut down your passive-agressive coworker.

Dealing with passive-aggressive people, whether at work or in family life, can be very frustrating. It's like trying to solve a puzzle without all the pieces. Their indirect communication and subtle digs force you to guess what they mean, turning simple conversations into a minefield.

It's draining because you're always on edge, trying to decode hidden messages or intentions, which can create a tense atmosphere. It's tough to have to go through all the extra work when you're just trying to get along and keep things smooth.

It also means that passive-aggressive people can take shots at you that you can’t defend because they hide behind the plausible deniability that they were just being helpful.

Jennifer Brick, a career counselor who goes by the moniker “Your Career Bestie'' has some excellent advice for those forced to deal with passive-aggressive people. She has a simple phrase that, when delivered correctly, can stop them from getting beneath your skin.

@jenniferbrick

Replying to @brett.lancaster you shutdown your passive aggressive coworker, here's why they aren't going to admit they're trying to be hurtful. #career #fyp


“I started using this with passive-aggressive people last year, and there has not been even one case where I have used it where the person hasn’t backed off with their toxic little tail between their legs,” she said in a video with over 1.4 million views.

Brick advises that when dealing with someone who’s passive-aggressive, to in “your most neutral tone” and ask one simple yet direct question: “Are you trying to be helpful or hurtful?"

Brick’s approach is a confident, but non-confrontational way of exposing the passive-aggressive person for their toxic tactics while allowing them to save face. That can be important when you have to deal with them on a regular basis.

In a follow-up video, she notes that it is “by design” that the person will say they’re being helpful.

@jenniferbrick

Replying to @beachy625 ofc they're going to lie, we expect them to. here's why...

“The statement I shared in that video is a light confrontation, and they are going to avoid it at all costs,” she continued. “They are going to backpedal, they are not going to say that their intention is to be hurtful. They want to conceal their toxic selves,” Brick concluded.

Bricks’ advice is helpful because people use passive-aggressive communication to hide behind their nefarious ways so they can be hard to expose. This is a way for you to acknowledge their unfair communication tactics without ratcheting the situation up into a full-blown confrontation.

Dr. Cortney Warren agrees with Brick's tactic. The Harvard-trained psychologist says the key is to remain neutral with the person and ask them about their intentions, just like Brick. "You could say something like: 'I know you’re telling me you’re not upset, but it doesn’t feel that way to me.' Or, 'I get the impression that you’re upset. Do you want to talk about it?'” she tells CNBC.

This is another way to confidently address the aggressive hidden message without being confrontational.

"Remind them that you care and are willing to talk if and when they’re ready," Dr. Warren continues. "In the meantime, walk away and focus on what you do have control over: you."

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Education

Communications expert shares the 3 common phrases you may be using that come off as rude

Etiquette changes over time.

via Resume Genius

Coworkers having a communications problem.

It’s interesting how the little things we say in our day-to-day conversations can sometimes seem harsh, even without us meaning to be. Sometimes, even when trying to be friendly, we can say the wrong thing and come off as passive-aggressive or condescending.

John Bowe, a speech trainer, award-winning journalist, and author of “I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in an Age of Disconnection,” recently wrote an article for CNBC on commonly heard phrases, especially in the professional world, that can unintentionally make us come off as rude or condescending.

Here are 3 of those phrases people commonly use that may be considered rude.

1. “Do you want to ...?”

“This phrase is great when you’re offering someone a choice (“Do you want to go to lunch with me?”). But as a way of delivering orders (“Do you want to take out the trash?”), its indirect fake-politeness comes across as belittling,” Bowe told CNBC.

He adds that it is more polite to state your request “directly.” If your spouse asked you to take out the trash, how would you like to be told?

“Will you do me a favor and take out the trash when you have a second?”

Or:

“Do you want to take out the trash?”

2. “Here’s the thing ...”

“This phrase insists that whatever follows will be the final, authoritative take on the subject at hand. Even when used inadvertently, it can sound a bit self-important. Truly authoritative people don’t tend to waste time on throat-clearing statements,” Bowe told CNBC.

When people give their opinion by starting with, “Here’s the thing…” they are making a declarative statement that what they have to say is the objective truth. When, in reality, they are probably just sharing an opinion. By making a declarative statement, they are pumping themselves up while also diminishing the opinions of others.

As Chris Illuminati humorously points out in Brobible, there is “no specific thing.” People say “Here’s the thing” to introduce a fact or observation, but the phrase serves no purpose. One could easily lead with the fact or observation without the unnecessary puffery.

3. “Obviously ...”

“This word subtly or not-so-subtly conveys that anyone disagreeing with the speaker is wrong. Even if you don’t realize it, using it can make you seem arrogant,” Bowe writes.

Dianna Booher, founder and CEO of Dallas-based communication firm Booher Research Institute, agrees. “It sounds as though the writer is pointing out that the information that follows should be obvious, but you, the reader, are not smart enough to grasp it,” Booher tells Monster.

Sometimes, it can be hard to know how we are coming off to other people. The best way to find out if we're being rude, arrogant, or belittling is to put ourselves in other people’s shoes and ask ourselves, “How would I feel if someone spoke to me that way?” It’s also good to record ourselves in meetings or on the phone from time to time to make sure that we are communicating as effectively and politely as we can.

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