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Socially anxious man details his 2-year process for finally overcoming his shyness

"Two years ago, I couldn't order pizza over the phone without rehearsing it five times first."

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Man shares how he overcame his social anxiety and shyness.

Social anxiety and shyness can be crippling. However, one man who battled social anxiety and being shy opened up about how he overcame his shyness and social anxiety over two years.

The man, who goes by the username Educationalcurve6 on Reddit, explained in a post, "Two years ago, I couldn't order pizza over the phone without rehearsing it five times first. Going to parties gave me panic attacks. Making small talk felt like trying to speak a foreign language I'd never learned. Now I can start conversations with strangers, speak up in meetings, and actually enjoy social situations."

He detailed seven important steps he took to beat his shyness and social anxiety with hopes that others who struggle can feel more confident.

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Start stupidly small.
"Don't jump into deep conversations first. Start with 'thank you' to the cashier," he wrote. "Nod at people walking by. Say 'good morning' to your neighbor. Build the muscle slowly. It doesn't matter if its small talk just learn to get into the habit of talking."

Ask questions instead of trying to be interesting.
"'How's your day going?' 'What brings you here?' People love talking about themselves. You don't need to be funny or clever just genuinely curious. Plus it makes conversations longer," he shared.

Use the 3-second rule.
Another tool he used helped him with speaking. "When you want to say something but feel scared, count to 3 and force yourself to speak," he explained. "Don't give your brain time to talk you out of it. The longer you negotiate with your brain the harder it will feel like."

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Embrace being awkward.
Another big step he took: giving up on avoiding awkwardness. "I said weird stuff deliberately. I stumbled over words. I had uncomfortable silences," he wrote. "Guess what? People forgot about it in 5 minutes, but I remembered that I survived it. People move on."

Find your "social training ground."
"For me, it was the gym. Same people every day, low-stakes conversations," he added. "Find a place where you can practice regularly with the same group. Could also be in the library."

Stop apologizing for existing.
Ultimately, he started to value himself. "'Sorry, can I ask you something?' became 'Can I ask you something?' 'Sorry to bother you' became 'Excuse me'," he explained. "Stop starting conversations like you're inconveniencing people. It's not a mistake you were born. So stop being sorry all the time."

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Remember: Everyone's focused on themselves.
Finally, he reminded others that no one is paying as much attention as you may perceive. "That embarrassing thing you said? They're not thinking about it; they're worried about what they said," he shared. "Everyone's too busy being self-conscious to judge you as much as you think. That's why letting overthinking get the best of us never ends well."

He concluded his story with one last note of encouragement: "If you take nothing else from this just remember you don't overcome shyness by waiting until you feel confident. You build confidence by doing scary social things while feeling scared," he wrote.

What causes shyness?

Shyness is caused by a combination of nature and nurture.

"It’s not that it’s one or the other; it’s both [genes and environment] and they work together," Thalia Eley, professor of developmental behavioral genetics at Kings College London, told the BBC. “It's a dynamic system."

According to Eley, shyness is 30% caused by genetics while the remaining 70% is due to environmental factors. Specifically, shyness develops as a survival strategy.

“It was useful to have people in your group who were off out there exploring and engaging in new groups but it was also useful for people who were more risk averse, [were] more aware of threat and would do a better job protecting young offspring, for example,” Eley added.

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Influencer mom Ashley LeMieux shares 'before and after' pics to debunk social media beauty myths

"Just a small reminder that it’s impossible to see it all on social media."

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"We get glimpses into other people’s stories, not the entirety."

Listen, we are all aware that social media is but a carefully curated highlight reel of everyone’s best angles and biggest wins. But even knowing this, it can be almost impossible not to compare ourselves to what we see day in, day out on Instagram.

Of course, many folks actively try to combat this societal norm by sharing their less-than-perfect selves. And honestly, they’re often a breath of fresh air.

Recently, mom and wellness coach Ashley LeMieux decided to post her own version of this. For each totally Insta-worthy photo she took while on vacation, she also posted the “unedited, zero filtered, real life moments” that happened seconds later.

Alongside images of a flattering bikini pose, a sweet daddy-daughter interaction, and a glamorous beachside date night were also images showing a little cellulite, a toddler meltdown, and the “unseen anxiety” felt during that date.

In her caption, LeMieux wrote:

“Just a small reminder that it’s impossible to see it all on social media. We get glimpses into other people’s stories, not the entirety…It’s easy to compare our whole life to small parts of someone else’s, and think that we must have something wrong with us. Comparison impacts our mental health so deeply, and it’s unfair to ourselves, and to each other, to think that everyone else has what we wish we had for ourselves.”

In an interview with Good Morning America, LeMieux shared that part of her inspiration behind the post came from the women she works with everyday that “don’t feel good enough,” thank in part to comparing themselves to what’s seen on social media.

"I think that when we can see other people having this real life that is similar to ours, we're like, 'OK, maybe there's not something wrong with me, or maybe it's not that my life is so different from theirs,'" she said. "We can never fully see the bigger picture, which is why I think that conversations like this are so meaningful and important, so that we can have this quick reminder of, we're all human, we all have our stuff, we just don't see the entirety of it happening all the time.”

So, so, so many people commented to say how much they really needed to hear and see this. One person even admitted that “sometimes I don’t post because I feel like a fraud because my life isn’t as perfect as I would post.”

Others shared their own love for the unfiltered side of social media.

“I so appreciate this!! I love the unfiltered side, and am always excited to see the nitty gritty you post!! Real life is beautiful, as are you mama ❤️,” one person wrote.

Another added, “The content everyone on Instagram (especially teenagers) need to see and absorb. 👏”

We might know that no one’s life is truly perfect, but clearly a little reminder every now and then can work wonders. Don’t let the false narrative of social media rob you of real joy.

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After this little girl called herself 'ugly' her mom saved the day with the best response

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Viral video shared on Facebook via Cocoa Butter.

A sweet, beautiful little girl sees her reflection as she gets her hair done by her loving mom. And then she utters three little words that would break any mother’s heart:

“I’m so ugly!”

Her mom gasps, instincts kicking in. “Don’t say that!” But by then the daughter has already broken into tears. It’s hard to watch this innocent child’s self-esteem so devastated.

Luckily, mom knew exactly what to say to help her daughter remember her worth. It's easy to see why this touching video has now gone viral.

“You are so pretty,” mom repeats over and over again, trying to deprogram the negative self-talk.

“You have this beautiful chocolate skin…you got these dimples. How many people got two dimples? You got two dimples! Look at them pretty white teeth!”

Going into cheerleading mode, she says:

“No, you not gonna cry. You are a beautiful little girl. You are the prettiest girl in class. Boom! Tell 'em straight up. When you go to school tomorrow, you gonna be like ‘oh look at my hair, oh look at my shoes'…Baby girl you are beautiful. Black is beautiful, and if don’t nobody ever tell you. I will tell you, you are gorgeous. And you gonna grow up and you gonna be everything that you can be. The greatest…whatever you wanna be. What you wanna be?”

“The teacher,” she says quietly.

“Your teacher mean to you?”

The daughter nods.

“So guess what, when you become the teacher, you don’t be mean. You be the nice teacher.”

And this is not only how you lift a child’s spirit, it’s how you show them a better world is possible.

Though the daughter keeps trying to stare back at the mirror, mom guides her eyes back to her own. Her last words are “You hold your head up,” and they share a loving embrace.

There’s another snippet where the daughter says “Hi, I’m black, and beautiful” and blows us a kiss. It’s quickly followed by a hilarious “Girrrrrl, whatchyou doin’ with my phone?” Apparently her courage was restored enough to record a quick video in secret.

The final thing we see is both mother and daughter grinning ear to ear, and it truly is beautiful. Way to go, mom. This is a moment her daughter will be able to return to anytime her confidence is compromised.

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What difference does a washer and dryer make? In this school, it's huge.

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Saul Calzadilla is one of those teachers kids just love. He can always find ways to make learning fun.

All images via Whirlpool.

And his "Green Machine" gardening program is Exhibit A.  

During a typical day at his school in Nashville, Calzadilla's students learn about life, death, and the consequences of their actions (like don’t pick a melon too early or it won’t become ripe) in a garden right outside the classroom.

"For almost every other science class, we find ourselves out in the garden exploring," Calzadilla says. "Putting the seeds in, pulling the weeds out, and making sure there’s hay spread out to keep the weeds from coming back up. It’s a lot of fun."

And of course, with all that dirt, mud, and water, the kids get really messy in the process. (But, hey, isn’t that part of the fun?)

While it can be fun to be messy, it didn’t take long for Calzadilla to realize all that dirt might not be so fun for some families that didn't have easy access to a washer-dryer.

And that's why laundry programs, like the Whirlpool Care Counts™ laundry program, can be so helpful.

Many of Calzadilla’s students are from low-income families that don’t have access to laundry machines at home, and the frequent laundromat visits can get expensive quickly. That meant not everyone was having fun in his class.

Some kids wouldn’t participate in the gardening activities out of fear that their parents would get "really mad" at them if they came home dirty. A few even started missing school because they didn’t want to re-wear their dirty clothes to school.

Instead of learning and playing uninhibited, these kids were letting their fear of getting dirty affect their learning. And most importantly, they were missing out on a class that taught them valuable life skills at the same time.

It was hard on the parents too.

Monica, a mom at the Nashville school, remembers how stressful it was once when she couldn’t afford to repair her dryer after it went on the fritz. You don’t have to be a parent to realize that getting kids ready for school each day is no joke — but in addition to the common morning ritual, Monica also spent her mornings deciding whether she should send her kids to school in damp clothes or in something from the dirty pile.

Something seemingly as simple as access to clean clothes has a far-reaching impact on the education and self-esteem of children.

That’s why the school knew it had to do something, and thanks to a donation from the Whirlpool Care Counts™ laundry program, they were able to install a washer and dryer for all to use.

Suddenly, families could visit the campus and do their kids’ laundry free of charge.

Calzadilla noticed positive results from the jump.

"Kids come to school with more confidence and focus on the things that matter, like playing in the garden or making friends when otherwise it might have been difficult for them," he says.

Plus, thanks to parents like Monica, using the laundry facilities is stigma-free.

As a member of the parent-teacher association, she knew the onus was on people like her to reassure other parents that no one would judge them for using the washer and dryer. "Knowing other parents are there to support you is really helpful," she says. "It’s a lot easier than hearing the teacher say it."

Having the facilities is good enough for most, but the effects of the program are more profound than just clean clothes for the kiddos.

It fosters a sense of inclusion in the community that wasn’t present before.

While they’re waiting for the laundry, parents are able to volunteer in the classrooms and spend time getting to know their fellow moms and dads.

For Monica, a stay-at-home mom, it gave her the adult interaction she desperately craved by helping others. "It gave me a sense of purpose," she recalls.

Thanks to this program, teachers can focus on learning, parents can focus on parenting, and kids can focus on being kids.

And that’s the way it’s supposed to be.  

Parenting is a really tough job, but the washer and dryer at the school has helped to alleviate some of that stress. Instead of spending money and time at the laundromat on a Tuesday night, parents can save their money and help their kids with homework.

Overall, parents at the school are a much happier bunch because of it.

"It’s just an amazing thing, not having to worry about if clothes are going to be clean or dirty or if their kids are going to be smelly," Monica beams.

Often, it’s easy to take clean clothes for granted and forget how much of a privilege it is. An unavoidable aspect of childhood is getting dirty — and no kid should feel ashamed to do what comes naturally to them.

That's why the Whirlpool Care Counts™ laundry program has already donated washers and dryers to 58 schools nationwide, and they plan to donate even more in the coming months so that other kids can learn and play without being afraid of getting a little dirty.

"It’s something so small, but it’s so big at the same time," Monica says.

Anything that helps make the world a better place is always a big deal. Even if it’s just cleaning up life’s little messes.

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