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@mamasreadingjournal/TikTok

"Am I a bad mom for not wanting to go?"

Parent-teacher conferences are considered a crucial tool in a child's education and development. They help both parents and teachers get on the same page about a student's progress, strengths, and areas where improvement is needed. What's more, it helps parent maintain a participating role in this aspect of their child's life, making them hopefulll feel supported and cared for.

That said, with all the mandatory activities that parents today have to manage on top of their work and other households responsibilities…not to mention all the various ways parents are constantly inundated with information from schools…it's understandable why some parents might question whether or not these one-on-ones are actually necessary. Or at the very least…if it could be sent in an email.

For mom Tatiana (@mamasreadingjournal), the dread of having to go to her kid’s parent-teacher conference was so strong that she posted a TikTok video asking if other moms and dads felt the same way. “Do you go to your kid's parent-teacher conferences every year? Am I a bad mom for not wanting to go? Like I'm gonna go, but I really don't wanna go, you know?” she asked in the clip, just before quipping, “sorry if his teacher finds this, it's not you, I swear, it's me, I'm lazy.”

parent-teacher conference, parenting, education, kids, school, moms of tiktok “This can't be an email?”Photo credit: Canva

Considering Tatiana is already in communication with her kid’s teacher through an app, she also couldn't help but wonder why “this can't be an email?” A very, very relatable thought for anyone in the 21st century. Tatiana’s confession was met with…a lot of concern. Clearly, people do, in fact, feel pretty strongly about this topic. And a common point brought up was how a child might feel if their parent doesn’t show an interest in their education in this particular way.

“Your child is worth the effort, showing up to things like this is showing up for them,” one person wrote.

Another asked, “I guess the question is why aren’t you interested in learning from your child’s teacher about how their learning journey is going, if they’re a good friend to their classmates, etc? I see how it can be an inconvenience but being a parent means being involved in their life at school as well.”

A few teachers also weighed in, who admitted that even they didn’t exactly love parent-teacher conferences. Still, one advised, “always go. As a teacher it builds the connection we have with the parent, helps communication to overall support the child.”

Another teacher was a little more blunt, saying, “girl. we don't want to go! but you create so much work for us if you don't go. we gotta document so many attempts of trying to get you in. also, your kid wants you to go. I see hs kids sad that their parents don't care to go. It's important I swear.”

There was even a heated sidebar debate as to which parent, if only one, should be attending said parent-teacher conference—the stay-at-home-parent (SAHP), or the parent who works. Some argued that the SAHP should be the one to go as part of their at-home responsibilities. Others argued that SAHPs are the ones in regular correspondence with teachers, and therefore it’s the other parent that needs to get caught up.

But all moral judgments aside, this mom wasn’t necessarily saying she planned on skipping out. She was merely sharing a feeling that quite honestly a lot of folks can probably relate to. Even the most involved parent on the planet could get overwhelmed with the ever increasing amount of random school events that seem more or less mandatory. That goes double for parents who already have demanding schedules or social anxiety, which has to describe at least 99.9% of parents, right? It more so sounds like she was looking for commiseration than anything else.

To that point, Tatiana did make a follow-up video sharing that she “did not know” that not attending a parent-teacher conference results in more work for the teacher. She assumed it meant they’d “get to go home earlier if I didn't go.” Honestly, fair assumption.

She also clarified that she did in fact go to the conference, and had always planned to go. However, she tells Upworthy that “outta my 15 minute slot we talked about my kid’s actual performance for maybe two minutes. Even my husband was shocked how much we chitchatted vs discussing actual grades and progress.”

But regardless, while she still feels that there’s “too much weight” put on this particular event, she will “go every year with bells on.”

“A mom who’s willing to accept feedback and adjust their attitude. We love to see it,” one astute viewer said.

This goes to show a few things. One, it’s a reminder of how so many aspects of education could stand for a revamp to fit with modern times. Two, productive conversations really can lead to better understanding. And three, parenting comes with going to a lot of things that you’d really rather not go to. Be it a parent-teacher conference or a Peppa Pig pop-up.

Also bonus number four—it can almost always be an email instead.

This article originally appeared last year.

Teachers reveal they taught hungry after mom cries over empty classroom

It's August, which means a lot of kids have either started school already or are heading back. The back-to-school month also means an influx of parents voicing their grievances on the internet. Everything from not wanting their children to share school supplies to the teacher's wish list items. What is typically an exciting time for children can be a stressful time for parents and teachers for different reasons.

One disappointed mom took to the internet in tears due to the lack of classroom decor in her child's classroom for "meet the teacher." It could be that this is the mom's first time sending a little one off to school, as to the reason she didn't know that there would likely be more decorating happening before the first day of school. Either way, her tearful reaction to the lack of decorations caused a few teachers to reveal the reality they face.

teacher; teacher pay; low pay; teachers; mom cries; undecorated classroom; back to school Overwhelmed with emotion.Photo credit: Canva

Most teachers, especially those of little ones, want to have their classrooms decked out in all the colorful, age-appropriate decor, but in reality, that costs money. Often, money neither teachers nor the school districts have. This is why public school teachers have wish lists that they pass out before the first day of school; some even create Amazon lists so people outside of their district can help. It's a pretty common understanding that teachers don't make a lot of money, but for some parents, just how little teachers make may be overlooked.

A teacher who goes by Mrs. Frazzled on social media recently reacted to the post of the crying mom. In this case, the teacher lived up to her social media moniker because what followed was more PG-13 than her usual content. Someone who goes by the name Kubi responded to Mrs. Frazzled's rant with an eye-opening reality, "My first year as a teacher I made 27K and my room was empty because I could[n't] afford to buy things for it. and I didn't even get my first check until 30 days in so I taught HUNGRY the first month."

teacher; teacher pay; low pay; teachers; mom cries; undecorated classroom; back to school Stressed at the desk, seeking a moment of calm.Photo credit: Canva

The confession prompted Mrs. Frazzled to commiserate with her own, revealing, "I also taught hungry my first year of teaching. That's part of why this whole thing made me so freaking mad. I'll tell you my story as a first-year teacher because it is not a unique story by any means, clearly."

She goes on to share that student teaching isn't paid and comes at the end of teaching certification, which requires soon-to-be-teachers to teach during the day for free, then attend classes at night. This essentially means there's no feasible way for student teachers to make enough money to cover living expenses unless they forego their sleep. Mrs. Frazzled says that in the spring of her student teaching, she had a major life event that resulted in her looking for a new place to live on virtually no income.

"On the heels of this happening, I'm starting my first year as a teacher. And you do not get paid for the first month that you teach, so nine months, no work. Summer, very minimal work. Then you start school, and you need to have a fully furnished and ready classroom, because if you've seen a government-sponsored classroom, you know it is very barren in there."

The woman reveals that she couldn't afford to live in the area where she taught, so her commute was anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half. She also confesses that the only reason she had anything in her classroom was because "parents kinda carried me on my back financially." They purchased the things she needed, including a big, colorful rug that can run well over $500.

teacher; teacher pay; low pay; teachers; mom cries; undecorated classroom; back to school Storytime circle with kids and teachers in the classroom.Photo credit: Canva

"My first month of teaching, I was so stinking poor. I had a mattress on the floor, no refrigerator. I had a couch that I dumpster dove for, and I was driving Postmates after school so that I could get like $12 to buy dinner or whatever. I remember crying because I needed Q-Tips and I couldn't afford Q-Tips. I had to go Postmates for hours to make enough to buy Q-Tips. This is the reality of teaching in the United States," Mrs. Frazzled shares.

It's a reality check that some parents may not be ready to hear when their expectations fall short of the reality teachers are living. Feeling disappointed when something doesn't meet your expectations is understandable, but when it comes to classroom decor and supplies, it takes a village.

The teacher said having two dads was "nothing to be thankful for."

Just imagine being an 11-year-old boy who's been shuffled through the foster care system. No forever home. No forever family. No idea where you'll be living or who will take care of you in the near future. Then, a loving couple takes you under their care and chooses to love you forever.

What could one be more thankful for? That was the situation that Daniel, a fifth grader at Deerfield Elementary School in Cedar Hills, Utah, found himself in back in 2019. Understandably, when asked by his substitute teacher what he was thankful for for Thanksgiving, young Daniel said, finally being adopted by his two dads.

dads, foster care, same-sex parents, louis van amstel, snow, warm suits A photo of Louis van Amstel and his husband.via OD Action / Twitter

To the child's shock, the teacher replied, "that's nothing to be thankful for," and then went on a rant in front of 30 students saying that "two men living together is a sin" and "homosexuality is wrong."

While the boy sat there embarrassed, three girls in the class stood up for him by walking out of the room to tell the principal. Shortly after, the substitute was escorted out of the building. While on her way out, she scolded Daniel, saying it was his fault she was removed.

One of Daniel's future parents happened to be Louis van Amstel, a former dancer on ABC's "Dancing with the Stars." In an interview with The Salt Lake Tribune., he said "It's absolutely ridiculous and horrible what she did. We were livid. It's 2019, and this is a public school."

Daniel told his soon-to-be parents he didn't speak up in the classroom because their final adoption hearing is December 19 and he was afraid to do anything that would interfere. He had already been through two failed adoptions and didn't want it to happen again.

gay marriage, gay rights, gay dads, LGBT, LGBTQ rights, LGBTA allyship, allyship, marriage equality Louis van Amstel at an event. via Loren Javier / Flickr

A spokesperson for the Alpine School District didn't go into detail about the situation but praised the students who spoke out. "Fellow students saw a need, and they were able to offer support," David Stephenson said. "It's awesome what happened as far as those girls coming forward."

"We are concerned about any reports of inappropriate behavior and take these matters very seriously," Kelly Services, the school that contracts out substitute teachers for the district, said in a statement. "We conduct business based on the highest standards of integrity, quality, and professional excellence. We're looking into this situation."

After the incident made the news, the soon-to-be adoptive parents' home was covered in paper hearts that said, "We love you" and "We support you." Thankfully, the substitute teacher was also fired from Kelly Services. And by the looks of this strapping prom photo, it seems that Daniel is doing just fine.

That was 2019. And in 2025, bigotry threatens the LGBT community once again—including the landmark same-sex marriage act being proposed to be overturned by the Supreme Court. While it's scary, not to mention disheartening, standing together against such atrocious prejudice is the only way to keep history from repeating itself. Sometimes we adults really can take the example from our kids.

This article originally appeared six years ago.

@the_wondermint/TikTok

A teacher laments how hard kindergarten has gotten and the pressure on young kids.

It’s nothing new for parents to lament their kid’s ever-growing list of school requirements. From piles of homework to getting graded for school supplies, the pressures seem to be not only racking up over time, but spreading to younger and younger grades. And it’s not just parents who have noticed the shift.

Recently, longtime kindergarten teacher Ms. Kelli, of the TikTok account @the_wondermint, reflected on how different it is for students at even at the most introductory level: Kindergarten.

We all know how intense the pressure is for high schoolers looking to get into college. Two or three decades ago, SAT tutoring and prep courses were a luxury for wealthy families. Now they've viewed as essential. But what's taking parents, and teachers, off guard is how the elevated standards are trickling down to little kids who are barely out of diapers.

In the clip, Kelli begins, “So I just gotta ask, as a 20-year kindergarten teacher myself, remember when we went to kindergarten that we just had to be potty trained and not eat the glue?” Comparing that to the long list of requirements nowadays, the educator says she feels sorry for families going through it.

“My heart breaks when I see all these videos of what do you need to do to prepare your child for kindergarten, and things your child must know before going to kindergarten, and these lists of things that parents need to be working on.”

One teacher agreed in a recent Reddit thread: "When I first taught Kindergarten in Wisconsin in 2009 the standard was to count to thirty. By 2012, the standard had changed to one hundred."

kindergarten, school, education, kids, parents, parenting, teachers, curriculum, elementary school, generational differences, culture Modern curriculums have teachers feeling like this. Giphy

Another parent chimed in: "Our kindergarten has them count to 100. Know 40 sight words by the end of kindergarten. Begins teaching reading and phonics ... they learned to write their names within the first two weeks and are expected to do that and the date on every assignment. Each week they make a letter book for a different letter but they expected them to go into kindergarten knowing all their letters. They have math packet every week for take home. ... I mean I love it, he’s learning a lot but he does get quite a bit of work. Two packets do a week. So we do a page a night from each so it’s done by Thursday night."

(Remember, these kids are about five years old. They can barely eat spaghetti without drenching themselves in pasta sauce, and we're expecting them to sit down and do worksheets!)

Another added, "My son’s school routinely takes away recess. They do it if they don’t get enough school work finished during the day, or if the class misbehaves too much, or one single child can get it taken away. It’s also at the end of the day, so the kids are slaving away learning for six hours before maybe getting a break."

It's not just the parents who are noticing, either. A study out of the University of Virginia in 2016 found that kindergarten standards and curriculums at the time were far more similar to first grade curriculums from the previous decade. And the standards have only gotten higher since.

Keli says she's had enough. She argues that, “Human development hasn't changed. What a five or six-year-old child is physically, mentally and developmentally able to do hasn't changed, in all these years.”

Still, the standards have changed. And kids are paying the price.

So she encourages fellow teachers and parents to not force the educational aspect.

“The learning will come. The development will come, the ABCs, the one, two, threes, writing, all of it, it will come ... Curriculum, it will happen. The learning, it will happen,” she says.

@the_wondermint

Little bit of a plea and PSA for the day… let them be kids! #teachersontiktok #teachertok #teachersoftiktok #iteachk #kindergarten #ilovekindergarten #iloveteaching #foryoupage #teacherforyoupage #fypage #teacherfyp #playbasedlearning #seethewonderkeepitfresh #handsonlearning #reggioemilia #letthemexplore #parentsontiktok #parentsoftiktok #kindergartenparents #kinderprep #backtoschool

Instead of placing more pressure, Kelli suggests a gentler, simpler approach.

“Let them play, let them socialize with each other. Let them learn to be away from their mommy and daddy and be sad for a little bit and be comforted. Let them find friendships that are gonna make them laugh so hard that their bellies ache and tell stories that go home. Let them create something that they never thought they could. Let them do an art project where they turn a box into a robot and they’re so excited to show their parents!”

In short: “let kids be kids.”

Kelli’s video seemed to really resonate with parents and teachers alike, who have definitely felt like certain aspects of childhood have been sacrificed in the name of “productivity.” Especially when it comes to homework.

“Yes! My son struggled in Kindergarten last year and even had homework! I could not believe what all he had to know. Teacher said he had a hard time paying attention… yeah he is 5!” one mom shared.

“Finally someone said it,” added another. “The curriculum is insane for elementary school kiddos. They have absolutely lost their childhood.”

One person noted that “the kindergarten report card used to be things like skipping, walking on a balance beam, the hardest thing was counting to 100.”

kindergarten, school, education, kids, parents, parenting, teachers, curriculum, elementary school, generational differences, culture Learning to skip used to be the hardest part of kindergarten. Giphy

As for whether or not a more academic-focused approach to kindergarten is, in fact, less beneficial to kids— a 2019 study in the American Educational Research Journal did find that it led to improvements, both academic and interpersonal, in the long run.

But that doesn’t necessarily mean we need to load them up with a ton of work for after school. Another study reported that elementary school students, on average, are assigned three times the recommended amount of homework.

This is why Kelli created a follow up video sharing why she doesn’t assign homework to her own students.

@the_wondermint

Replying to @Drea_keevs Controversial but yet it shouldn’t be… 5 year olds should not be doing homework! Talk as a family, snuggle and read, enjoy their favorite sport activity, have a dance party! Their days are filled inside school, make the time outside of school good for their hearts and souls! #t#teachersontiktokt#teachertokt#teachersoftiktoki#iteachkk#kindergarteni#ilovekindergarteni#iloveteachingf#foryoupaget#teacherforyoupagef#fypaget#teacherfypp#playbasedlearnings#seethewonderkeepitfreshh#handsonlearningr#reggioemilial#letthemexploreparentsontiktok #parentsoftiktok #parentingtips #homework #homeworkhelp

“We are covering what we’re covering in the five or six hours with these little babies, and if we can’t cover that in that time, we’re definitely not gonna get the best out of them at 5, 6 o’clock at night when they’re tired and they should be enjoying time with their family,” she said.

She does, however, advocate trying to instill a “love of reading,” if you can count that as homework. But even then, that assignment looks more like snuggling in bed, cozying up with a book, and having their parents read it to them.

Point being: of course school is meant to help set up students for success. But if it robs them of their precious, formative, and oh-so-temporary childhood, then is it really worth it?

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.