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Mom shares 'kind can' idea after 7-year-old expresses struggles with friends at school

She described the "kind can" as "a way to keep our hearts open even when they want to close.”

Sasja Nieukerk-Chomos/Facebook

The "kind can" is a tool for helping kids connect with others.

At some point, most parents have to field questions, concerns, worries, anxieties, and, sometimes, outright despair from their kids about their relationships with other kids. Friendships can be messy. Bullying is a thing. When you pool together a couple of dozen kids who are growing, changing, and figuring out their emotions for most of the day, all manner of relational dynamics can emerge.

Navigating the social landscape with our kids isn't easy. Each child is unique, some are more sensitive or aware of what's happening than others, and some need assistance with figuring out how to handle tough social situations. As parents, we don't want to swoop in and solve their problems, but we also don't want to leave them rudderless in a storm. We want to provide them with the tools and help them build the skills they'll need to steer their own ship.

kids, parenting, parents, tweens, issuesFinding the right balance can be tough.Image via Canva

One tool that can help a kid who is struggling to connect with their peers is intentional kindness. However, a blanket admonition to "be kind" is often too vague to help a kid in the midst of a social crisis. That's why one parent's "kind can" idea has gone viral—it offers a specific way to practice kindness in a way that's not overwhelming.

In a 2022 post on LinkedIn, mom Sasja Nieukerk-Chomos shared the idea, writing:

"'Mom, I hate them.'

'Them' being her friends at school.

This is what my 7-year-old confided to me as I was putting her to bed the other night.

I could have made light of her hatred, like I’ve done when she tells me she hates broccoli.

I could have gotten caught up in her anger: 'Who are these kids upsetting my daughter!?'

Instead, I asked her what was going on that her heart hurt so much.

Because under anger is usually hurt."


kind can, linkedin, post, social media, mom, parentingNieukerk-Chomos' post on LinkedInvia LinkedIn.

"Sure enough, the tears came pouring out as she told me about how her best friend only wanted to play with another girl, and how when she went to find others to play with they told her to go away.

This had been happening all week.

'Why doesn’t anybody like me?'

I didn’t have an answer for that, but I did have a thought: It’s time for the Kind Can.

Suddenly I was 8 years old again, a grade 3 student who was having a rough start to the school year.

I had a teacher I didn’t like, friendships had shifted, and I couldn’t seem to get along with anyone. I hated going to school.

My mom created a Kind Can.

She used a big Nescafe tin can (remember those?)

In the can went the names of every single one of my classmates. Each morning before school I
would pull a name out of the can. That day I had to go out of my way to do something kind for them.

Not to have them do something in return.

For no other reason than to do something kind.

It wasn’t easy at first, but my mom encouraged me to keep trying, and helped me think of all the different ways I could show kindness to others.

It started to get really fun!

And then things shifted.

No longer caught up in my own mind about what others were ‘doing to me’, I was now focused on what I was doing for others.

Though there were no expectations of kindness in return, more and more kindness is what I got. I loved going to school!

I told my daughter about the Kind Can and her eyes got that little spark – the one that tells me she’s about to get creative.

So yes, she has big plans for just how fancy this can will be – much better than an old tin can she proclaimed! That’s our project.

A Kind Can.

A way to create more kindness.

A way to keep our hearts open even when they want to close."

People loved the "kind can" idea, with the post being shared more than 3,000 times. Some people pointed out the beauty of the wisdom in it being passed down through generations. Several parents wished that they had seen the idea when their own kids were going through some social struggles. Many commenters said that a lot of adults could use a kind can as well.

kindness, kind can, parenting, kids, friendships, lessonsPass It On Be Kind GIFGiphy

With bullying becoming more widespread thanks to the Internet and social media, many parents are aware of the importance of instilling kindness in their children. On social media, parents are making a point to highlight moments of kindness from their own kids or from another kid to theirs, and the videos are warming hearts and reminding viewers that the kids really are all right—and will continue to be so long as we continue to model kindness like Nieukerk-Chomos.

@ismeganokay

When I tell you I burst into tears when that girl offered her her hand… a small gesture can mean so much | #bekind #endbullying #adhd #parenting

A "kind can" won't solve every friendship woe a child has, but goodness knows the world could use more kindness. Helping kids practice that virtue with a tool that makes it specific and fun is definitely a win-win.

This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

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Community

Principal ditches office for "rolling desk" to be more present with students

"The best ability is availability."

principal_lamb/Instagram

Principal Jared Lamb uses a rolling cart for a mobile principal's office.

The principal's office is a place of childhood lore. Getting sent there as a kid was never a good sign, but one school principal is ditching the intimidating location for a more approachable one.

Principal Jared Lamb (@principal_lamb) of BASIS Ed school in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, has taken an unconventional spin on his role as a school administrator. Rather than sit in an office all day, he has traded his desk for a rolling cart. The reason? To be more of an active (and visible) presence around school.

"The best ability is availability," he captioned a video on Instagram explaining why he won't "go back to the office." In the video, he says, "At our school, students don't get sent to the principal's office. The principal comes to them. I traded my principal's office for a rolling cart."

He is seen in the video wheeling his cart around the school's hallways, adding that there are five reasons why he won't be going back to a traditional office.

Firstly, "It's easier to provide customer service to our educators," he says. "Need a restroom break? I got you. Support with an upset parent? I'm here."

The second reason: "I can support with student behavior because I'm right around the corner."

Thirdly, "I have a pulse on what's happening at school. When challenges arise...and they always do...I can address them firsthand."

The fourth reason is that, "It's improved my relationships. I check in with every teacher and staff member daily. I give hundreds of fist bumps to students each day." Finally, he shares the fifth reason he ditched the office: "I'm more proactive and less reactive. I don't wait to get called on the radio. I'm already there. Principal's office? No thank you. My best ability is availability."

In an interview with PEOPLE magazine, Principal Lamb shared that he has been using the rolling cart for three years to support over 800 students. "This upcoming year will mark my third year of going fully mobile," he said. "I truly believe that I can make the biggest impact by walking across the campus and being visible throughout the school."

"I spend most of my day visible," he said. "I walk in and out of classrooms. If I need to respond to an email, I do it from an empty hallway while students are in class." He adds, "During major transitions, I'll often park my cart underneath a stairwell on the side just to make sure that I'm not walking traffic. So you do have to maneuver, especially during big student transitions, so I'm not stopping the flow or preventing students from getting to class, but we navigate the best we can."

His method has spread. Now, his entire administrative team also uses rolling carts. "We literally had a fleet of carts rolling through the school, and so our deans were on rolling carts, our assistant principals were on rolling carts," he shared. "It's really created just a great environment of leading with support and making sure that our teachers and students have what they need to be successful."

Principal Lamb's video garnered incredible support from viewers and parents alike.

"This is such a fantastic way to lead a school. 🙌🏻," one wrote. Another added, "Can this be standard in our education system? Well done, sir. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻."

Another viewers shared, "The mobile office demonstrates so many positive leadership qualities! Creativity, flexibility, relationships, vision, empathy and on and on! Thanks for inspiring us all."

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Teachers

Teacher of the year explains why he's leaving his district in landmark 3-minute speech

"I'm leaving in hopes that I can regain the ability to do the job that I love."

Image via YouTube

Former teacher of the year Lee Allen

For all of our disagreements in modern American life, there are at least a few things most of us can agree on. One of those is the need for reform in public education. We don't all agree on the solutions but many of the challenges are undeniable: retaining great teachers, reducing classroom size and updating the focus of student curriculums to reflect the ever-changing needs of a globalized workforce.

And while parents, politicians and activists debate those remedies, one voice is all-too-often ignored: that of teachers themselves. This is why a short video testimony from a teacher in the Atlanta suburb of Gwinnett County went viral. After all, it's hard to deny the points made by someone who was just named teacher of the year and used the occasion to announce why he will be leaving the very school district that just honored him with that distinction.

In a video carried by Fox5 Atlanta, 2022 Gwinnett County Public Schools Teacher of the Year Lee Allen breaks down what he sees as the overriding problems in the county's school system. While his comments are specific to that of Gwinnett County, it's virtually impossible to not see the overlap across all of America and how the problems have become exponentially more challenging as students have migrated back to in-person learning.


- YouTubewww.youtube.com



"At the end of this year, I will be leaving Gwinnett County Schools, leaving behind the opportunity to submit for state teacher of the year, roughly $10,000 in salary, and most importantly, the students and colleagues I've built strong relationships with," Allen, a math teacher at Lawrenceville's Archer High School, says at the beginning of his remarks. "I'm leaving in hopes that I can regain the ability to do the job that I love."

Normally, one might assume teacher pay is the overriding issue for educators like Allen. But he makes it clear that he is, in fact, leaving money on the table to avoid what he deems as unacceptable changes to the student body and how the district manages its teachers and the learning environment. Here are his main grievances, in order:

  • "First issue at hand is student apathy and disrespect for school rules and norms. … We have an alarming number of students that simply do not care about learning and refuse to even try."
  • "We are also experiencing incredible disrespect and refusal to follow basic school rules. There is little to no accountability or expectation for grades or behavior placed on students or parents. Rather than being asked what the student can do to improve their understanding, teachers are expected to somehow do more with less student effort."
  • Cell phone use. Teachers simply cannot compete with the billions of dollars tech companies pour into addicting people to their devices. Phones allow constant communication, often being the spark that fuels fights, drug use and other inappropriate meetups throughout the day. We need a comprehensive district plan with support behind it in order to combat this epidemic and protect the learning environment."
  • "Lastly, there is a huge disconnect between administrators and teachers. The classroom in 2022 is drastically different from just three years ago. Most administrators have not been in a classroom full-time in years or even decades. Many teachers do not feel understood, valued or trusted as professionals from administrators and the decisions that they make."

teachers, teacher pay, education, education funding, education reform, classroomsA teacher speaks to students in a classroomImage via Canva

While Allen points fingers at administrators and student behavior, he also says that the pressures put on both students and teachers alike by COVID-19 had a catastrophic impact on learning. "The pandemic has acted as a catalyst and turned a slow negative trend into an exponential crisis," he says.

But he also offers some solutions, stating, "I won't list complaints without offering ideas for improvement."

  • All administrators should spend at least one week in a high needs classroom, "without a suit, without people knowing your title and in the same room, all day, for an entire week."
  • Prioritizing smaller class sizes.
  • Greater transparency from the district in terms of needs and expectations and goals.

"We all want the same thing and we cannot accomplish this without supporting one another," he says near the end of his remarks.

teachers, teacher pay, education, education reform, education funding, school funding, schools Lee Allen in his resignation remarksImage via YouTube

With more than 400,000 views already, it's clear his remarks resonated with people not just inside his school district.

There's almost nothing more important than how we educate our children. And while the national political debate centers on areas of far less importance generated to gin up controversy and campaign fundraising, it's families and local leaders who will need to do the heavy lifting of reprioritizing the fundamental principles of learning and leadership if we want an American educational system that can compete on the global stage in 2022 and beyond. After all, when literal award-winning educators like Allen are walking away, it's clear something more needs to be done.

This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Gen Xers and Millennials watch Gen Z kids try, and gloriously fail, to write in cursive

The Cursive Challenge has many calling it a lost art.

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Cursive is a fading art.

If you're on TikTok, you've more than likely seen "The Cursive Challenge," at some point over the years. Parents–and even teachers–get the Gen Z-ers in their lives to attempt a style of writing that is no longer taught in many schools.

The videos range from people who are truly earnest in their attempt at the challenge to those who are hilariously baffled by the fact that cursive writing even exists at all. One such person was Chaun Domingue (@Chaundomingue on TikTok), who tries to get his Gen Z daughter to pass the test. He gives her a handful of words, and she gives it an honest try until she adorably devolves into a giggling fit. He then shows her how it's done.

@chaundomingue

@maggles_77 trying to write in cursive. 🤣

Even celebrities have gotten in on the fun. On the Cincinnati Bengals TikTok page, a handful of NFL football players give it their all. Handed just a whiteboard and an erasable marker, they're asked to write "Bengals" in cursive. While the first player tries, we hear someone admit, "I haven't written in cursive since, like, fifth grade." They're good sports (of course), and some do a decent enough job, but for the most part, it's a "B" followed by unrecognizable squiggles – which gives everyone a good-natured laugh.

The comment section had some notes. One points out that Chase Brown "had the biggest smile on his face like he was so proud of his work." Another notes that "Mac (Hippenhammer) just adding a bunch of extra end letters."

@bengals

Well… they tried 😅 #cursive #handwriting #nfl #bengals #dailychallenge #itriedmybest

The style of writing remains a hot topic. Over on the Southern Living blog, writers Valerie Fraser Luesse and Zoe Gowen make a case for the style in "5 Reasons Why Everyone Should Know Cursive." The gist of the post, at least for the writers, is that cursive writing is a nostalgic tradition. "Cursive is a lost art. Scratch that. It's an art. It's not lost quite yet. When you write in cursive, you are encouraged to embrace your creative side."

They also maintain that it's faster than writing in print and, quite simply, "It looks nice." "A flowing cursive is one step closer to the art of calligraphy, and it's a necessity if you want to sign your name in a formal fashion."

But many on Reddit seem conflicted. On the subreddit r/stupidquestions, someone essentially asks why we stopped teaching cursive. The top comment answers pragmatically: "Because it’s hard to read, and with the onset of everyone using technology, with the fonts we have on the screens in front of us, it’s just what we’re used to now. Calligraphy is an art, and there are plenty of calligraphy artists online making videos of their work." But they add a hopeful note: "For what it's worth, they still teach cursive in schools, at least in Australia. And GPs (general practitioners) the world over are keeping cursive alive, too."

Another Redditor agrees: "I wrote in cursive until teachers asked me to stop in 7th grade. Students would exchange work and grade each other, but apparently, a number of students had complained they couldn't read my cursive. Even knowing cursive, I struggle to decipher the handwriting from the colonial era. If I am looking at primary sources, it's easier translating ancient Latin than reading English from a personal letter of a 17th-century politician."

cursive, gif, handwriting, cursive writing, calligraphyRed Nails Thank You GIF by Hello AllGiphy

This person adds a technical explanation: "Because today, we have pens which can be lifted without dropping ink, which would screw up writing. Technology evolved, and we adapted to use the fastest way, which is not cursive but some kind of hybrid."

However, some still prefer it. "I'm probably one of the few people who finds it much easier to write in cursive, probably because I was never taught to write in print. For context, I went to primary school in France in the 2010s. I'm not sure if they still teach it now, but I think the majority must still do."

This comment surprisingly got some negative feedback: "Many U.S. states now require cursive as part of the elementary school curriculum. Good! Why? Because it's a 'grown-up' skill that should be a normal part of a child's social education – like self-feeding, potty-training, and self-dressing. Also, because cursive writing is expressive and beautiful. Print is common and clunky. And, as a poet once put it, 'If eyes were meant for seeing, then beauty is its own excuse for being.'"

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