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Friends struggling with procrastination held a 'forcing party' and it's oh so brilliant

A little accompaniment and accountability can make all the difference.

Friends can help us when we're on the productivity struggle bus.

Some people have self-discipline and agency coming out their ears and rarely if ever procrastinate on anything. Others, not so much. Whether it's driven by habit, fear of success or failure, lack of motivation, ADHD, or something else that disrupts the flow from "I need to do this thing" to "I'm now doing this thing," procrastination is a challenge in many people's lives. You know what you need to do—why can't you just do it?

When you struggle to get things done, the cycle of self-loathing and shame that follows can make you feel worthless and alone. But some friends on X came up with a simply brilliant solution that not only solves the procrastination problem, but the feeling alone problem as well.

 
 

A user named Tyler wrote, "Sometimes you need a coach or therapist, and sometimes you just need someone to invade your life and force [you] to book the dr's appointment, finish the writing assignment, submit the job application, etc. Does this sort of person exist for hire?"

Lots of people resonated with that idea, but Tyler's friend Crystal responded, "Can we do it for each other?"

Tyler said Crystal would be good at this and said he was thinking of throwing "a force-on-another-to-do-stuff party."

And so they did.

 
 

The idea was to gather together a small group of friends who have things they need to get done and create a space where they could "force" one another to do them. Turns out, it was a brilliant plan. Crystal and Tyler both in the middle of their party, with Crystal saying it was "going well" and that they'd be doing more and Tyler sharing:

"So far:

- A passport has been filed for

- An inbox has been zero'd

- A personal website has been created

& more.

I recommend this format!"

 
 

People loved the idea, with many people asking if they could join. Tyler encouraged people to host their own. You don't have to have a bunch of friends to do it—it could literally just be two people. As long as whoever is there is on board with what it is, the number of people doesn't matter.

And if the idea of "forcing" rubs you the wrong way, what you call the gathering doesn't matter, either. One person suggested some alternative names, such as Git 'er Done Party, Just Do It Party, and Not So Bad Party. You could call it a Procrastinator Party or Motivation Madness. A similar idea has been called Admin Night, only that is specifically referred to as "not a party." But why can't it be both? Give the invite a tagline, even: Get stuff done, then have fun.

 
 

The concept of accompaniment to do things you don't want to or are struggling to do is an ADHD strategy known as "body doubling." Having someone in the same room with you doing something productive, even if it isn't the same thing you're doing, is often enough to get a person with ADHD to focus on the task they need to complete. The Forcing Party is a similar idea, perhaps with a bit more direct accountability built into it. It's a lot harder to put off doing something when you're at a party dedicated to doing exactly that thing.

 

If you're saying, "But why should I have to have a 'forcing party' just to get myself to do things that aren't even that difficult to do?" and feeling down on yourself for it, just stop for a sec. Humans aren't meant to do everything in isolation. We are social creatures who live in communities of people. Even those of us who like to be alone still benefit in various ways from the assistance and accompaniment of others, and if this is an area where being with your fellow humans helps you be the productive person you want to be, why question it?

Keep it simple. Contact a few friends and see if they have things they've been putting off doing that you could all do side-by-side one evening or weekend day. Call it whatever kind of party you want. See what they say. Chances are, they all have something they've been procrastinating on as well and would welcome the opportunity to get together and get it done.

Thanks for the inspiration, Tyler and Crystal!

Community

No booze at all? As more people go alcohol-free, debates over dry weddings heat up.

Some folks have strong feelings about this, but some dry wedding tips can help.

Some couples choose to have no alcohol served at their wedding. It's an issue for some people.

People's relationships with alcohol run the gamut from "never touched it, never will" to full-blown alcoholism, with a wide range of preferences, experiences, and expectations along that spectrum. Most of the time, it's easy to take a live-and-let-live approach to other people's choices, but if there's one place where people seem to clash when it comes to alcohol offerings, it's weddings.

Objectively, a couple has the right to offer or not offer anything they wish at their wedding, but depending on your social circles, there may be certain "norms" that are expected. For some people, alcohol at weddings is an unquestioned norm that they simply can't imagine not having, which makes the movement toward dry weddings—ones that offer no alcohol whatsoever—a sticking point.

 

In fact, in debates over the idea, some go so far as to say they flat out won't attend a wedding if they know there won't be alcohol. Some feel it's rude not to serve alcohol to guests, even if the couple themselves don't partake, because it's a social event and people expect it. Others say the wedding is for the couple—it's their day, and they can create any kind of wedding they wish. Some people assume a wedding won't be as much fun if there's no alcohol, while others say dry weddings are some of the best weddings they've been to.

Opinions are all over the place on the topic with strong feelings on all sides. Here's a sampling of what people say:

"I would not be phased by a dry wedding if it were a smaller event. I’d actually prefer it as I don’t drink much at all. However, a wedding with 100 guests is not a small wedding and I think it’s a social norm/expectation for there to be alcohol at these kinds of celebrations. Whether that’s arguably a good thing or not is up for debate, however I know plenty of people who would be thoroughly disappointed and think the night was less fun because of there being no alcohol."

 

"It very much depends on where you’re from and your social circle. If you’re from the Bible Belt and your entire wedding and reception takes place in a church function hall, then no- a dry wedding would very much be normal. If you’re Mormon or another religion that is anti-alcohol, it would be totally expected. Also, if one or both of you were in recovery I think it would also be totally fine.

If you’re not in one of the above groups or on a significantly reduced budget, it is generally seen as faux pas to not provide alcohol in some form at your wedding as you are the host of the party. Even the weddings with limited budgets that I’ve been to, still opt to host beer and wine for the satisfaction of the guests. The reception is a thank you to your guests for celebrating your marriage (and presumably for the gifts they will be giving)."

 

"Being a good host means taking care of your guests. Not causing pain from no where to sit, not making them stay hungry, not making them stay thirsty, etc.

Not providing alcohol at a wedding is absolutely not the same as being a bad host. There are so many ways to make your drinks fun and celebratory without including alcohol in them. Mocktails and coffee are great! Especially if you have some options that are less sweet- typically a lot of mocktails tend to be super sugary, but if you have some that are more herbal/dry, that would fill that need."

"I come from a family of alcoholics and would love a dry wedding. Unfortunately there will be alcohol at my wedding but alcohol is a major trigger for my ptsd. I know a lot of people who don’t drink, it’s not as uncommon as you think."


 


"I think a dry wedding is a wonderful idea, especially if you are going to offer mock tails or have a coffee bar. especially if coffee if kind of your guys thing. I would love to attend a reception with a coffee bar! just remember, it’s your day and you can have it how ever you want. and if you don’t want alcohol because neither of you really drink, that is okay!!"

"There's no etiquette rule that requires alcohol at a wedding. Food is required if the reception takes place during a meal time, but alcohol never is."

 wedding food, wedding dinner, dry wedding, wedding, alcohol, no alcohol Food is a reasonable expectation at a wedding. Alcohol? Not so fast.Photo credit: Canva

Appropriate etiquette for dry weddings

There has been a societal shift away from alcohol in recent years, which may make it easier for people who want an alcohol-free wedding for health, recovery, religious, or simply personal preference reasons. However, because alcohol has traditionally been an expectation at weddings and still is for many people, there are some things couples can do to keep their dry wedding from being viewed in a negative light.

- Inform your guests beforehand that alcohol won't be served. Many people say they don't mind a dry wedding as long as they know ahead of time what to expect.

- Offer fancy non-alcoholic drink alternatives. A mocktail bar, coffee bar, italian soda bar, etc. can help create a festive atmosphere and bridge the gap for people who are used to having a drink in their hand.

 wedding, wedding drinks, dry wedding, mocktails, alcohol free There are lots of non-alcoholic alternatives that can make a wedding feel festive.Photo credit: Canva

- Provide fun activities that get people moving and socializing. I've been to many dry weddings where people danced their socks off, so it's not like alcohol is necessary for a fun party. But for those who rely on alcohol to be a social lubricant, having ways to get guests mingling and engaging in fun activities together can help.

- Make your guests laugh. Many people associate alcohol with having a good time, and laughter is a great way to create that feeling. Maybe set up a photo booth with silly props, or have a light-hearted roast, or hire a DJ with a great sense of humor.

- Consider getting married at an earlier time in the day. If you want a dry wedding and know that a lot of your guests will expect to have alcohol, having a morning or mid-day wedding can help ease that expectation. Most people don't expect to drink in the morning.

- If you're a guest, don't complain. A couple's wedding is about them, so let it truly be about them. Even if you hate the idea of being sober for the evening, keep it to yourself and respect their right to have their wedding day be what they envisioned. If you must, go out before or after the wedding for drinks.

Ultimately, it's up to a couple getting married to decide what to serve and what not to serve their guests, but with some thoughtfulness and open-mindedness on everyone's part, the big day can be a fun and festive celebration of love and commitment no matter what people are drinking.

Screenshots courtesy of Hailey Sand

Woman clears aisle on flight to help passenger see dying grandfather

Even when your life feels like it's falling apart, other people's lives are still going on as normal. Unfortunately, the world doesn't stop because tragedy strikes someone's family, but recently on a United Airlines flight, one woman had a pretty close equivalent. Hailey Ann Sand recently took an unexpected trip after finding out her grandfather was being placed on comfort care as he was nearing the end of his life.

Sand knew she wanted to be there for his final moments, so she booked a last-minute flight and headed out. What was supposed to be a smooth trip wound up being stress-inducing due to the flight landing behind schedule. The airline was aware that some passengers had connecting flights taking off in a few minutes so they made the announcement asking for passengers to extend courtesy to those with tight connections.

 airplane, flight airport, airplane passenger, sky, commercial jet blue and white airplane in the sky during daytime  Photo by Avel Chuklanov on Unsplash  

Sand was one of those with an extremely tight connection when the flight landed in Denver, but as airline passengers often do, many stood up, not allowing others to get off the plane first. It was then that the grieving granddaughter was reminded that there are still good people in the world. The woman shares in a video that she was in seat 31A and another woman, whom she didn't know was in seat 31B noticed the urgency on Sand's face prompting the woman to inquire if something was wrong. After Sand explained that she was in a hurry to catch her next flight so she could be there with her grandfather in his last moments, the stranger sprung into action.

Sand's connecting flight was scheduled to depart in 25 minutes but the aisle was completely blocked. That is, until her seatmate got everyone to clear it.

 airports, airplanes, denver, foot traffic, takeoff, airport gate People walking inside an airport.  Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash  

"You didn't owe me anything but you stepped out in the aisle and you announced very loudly to everybody to please step aside so that I can get off the plane in a timely manner," Sand says hoping her words reach the woman who helped her. "We landed 25 minutes before my next flight was supposed to depart, and it was a 22-minute walk across the Denver airport. We flew into gate 73ish, and I was flying out of 12. I had to walk all the way across. I just want you to know that I made that flight and I got to be there last night. And I got to tell my grandfather how much I loved him and he got to tell me back and he understood what I was saying."

The grieving granddaughter was able to be there along with the rest of her family until her grandfather passed. She continues the video with an emotional thank you to the stranger saying that her act of kindness changed her life, hoping the video would reach the kind stranger. While the video didn't reach her, the video did reach United Airlines causing several flight attendants and crew to reach out to Sand. Through some detective work, they connected her with a relative who connected her with the stranger, Katie.

Turns out Katie wasn't just an average passenger, she's a hospice nurse who deeply understands a family's need to be together during someone's final hours. Sand tells Upworthy it look less than 24 hours to track Katie down and get in touch with her. While the flight they shared was from San Antonio to Denver, Katie just happened to be traveling from work and isn't from either city and Sand lives in San Antonio but is from Washington. The chance seating assignment seemed meant to be.

Once Sand reached her family she left her chance encounter with a hospice nurse to feel the warmth and comfort of the hospice nurses at Samaritan Hospital in Moses Lake, Washington, "They did an excellent job for my grandfather in his final moments but also my whole family in helping us through a difficult time."

Sand shares that her grandfather was "a husband of 62 years, a father, a grandfather, a great-grandfather, a brother, a friend, a mentor. He served in the Army and worked his whole life as a farmer. He was the most hardworking man. He loved to travel and has been all over the world. He was very involved in his community, and the world would be better with more people like him in it."

While the woman hoped the video would reach the passenger that helped her on the plane, she likely didn't expect it to reach over 9 million people but since it has she hopes people leave her video with a message of kindness.

"I hope this story continues to resonate with people and inspire them to love each other more, and think twice when the flight crew asks you to stay seated so that people who have a tight connection can get off the plane. You never know why someone is traveling and it’s not always for a happy reason."

This article originally appeared in May.

Joy

15 people share the one sentence they'll never forget because it completely changed their lives

"Never try to hate anyone; often they don't care, and you're left doing all the work."

A woman having a revelation.

There’s nothing quite like having a breakthrough moment. When you hear something that completely reframes how you view a relationship or challenging life situation that helps you move past the barrier and into a new headspace, it can be exhilarating. It’s like scratching an itch that you didn’t know you had.

"Breakthrough is that moment when frustration, struggling, fear, worry, or anxiety disappears,” famed personal development coach Tony Robbins once said. “It's a moment of insight, recognition about who you are, and the realization that you are more than the moment. It's a radical, massive improvement in the quality of your life, and as a result, all those you have the privilege to touch."

A Redditor on the Confession subforum asked people to share the “one sentence that completely changed their life,” and they received over 1,000 responses from people who heard the right wisdom at the right time and never forgot it. These sentences are powerful truths that helped people stuck in a rut realize they had the power to change or move on.

 advice, breakthroughs, confessions, wisdom, moments, thinking, advice A mom consoling her daughter.via Canva/Photos

Here are 15 sentences that completely changed people’s lives.

1. Sometimes when you’re in a dark place, you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted.

"That's a spin on an old saying, 'They tried to bury us, but they didn't realise we were seeds.'"

2. Never try to hate anyone; often they don't care, and you're left doing all the work.

"Said by a friend of mine at a very critical time in my life. It's been said in other ways, but that one stuck with me for the last 35+ years."

"Makes me think of this gem: Never get in a fight with a pig. You both get covered in sh*t but the pig enjoys it."

"Hate corrodes the vessel it's carried in."

3. Have you had a bad day, or did you have a bad 5 minutes that you let ruin your day?

"I love this one explained with money. If I gave you $100, then I stole 5, would you burn/throw away the rest?"

"I need someone to remind me of this sometimes! I'm not neurotypical and I can tell sometimes that when things can't go to my plan or agreed schedule it can be like a monkey wrench in a gear and just PAUSE my life in a way I hate sometimes."


 advice, breakthroughs, confessions, wisdom, moments, thinking, advice, couch A woman upset on the couch.via Canva/Photos

4. People are quick to accept that the smallest change in the past can dramatically change the present, yet refuse to accept that the smallest action today can completely change the world.

"Hindsight’s 20/20 as they say, and it’s easier to know the difference between the outcome compared to the present. Whereas our current actions, we really have no way of knowing how it’ll affect the future, as there are so many other variables that could affect things, and we can’t see into the future."

5. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm

"This reminds of an African proverb I heard: Beware the naked man who offers you clothes."

6. I love you enough to let you hate me.

"My mom told me once during a heated argument in my teens, 'I love you enough to let you hate me.' Powerful."

7. Never break two laws at once; that's how you draw attention to yourself.

“If you have a body in the trunk, make sure you use your turn signals.”

"My dad was in law enforcement and told me that was how they often caught people. An example he used was at night when someone forgot to turn off their high beams there was a reasonable chance they might be an impaired driver."


8. Nothing is going to be different unless you do things differently.

"Nothing changes if nothing changes!"

"I've tried nothing and it didn't work!"

9. Living well is the best revenge!

"Instead of making yourself miserable stewing over the past, improve your life and make yourself happy."

"For the people that hate you, or just generally dislike you, there's nothing worse than seeing you be happy. If someone hurts you on purpose, you don't need to try and hurt them back, if you become obsessed with them, then they've won, but being happy and leading a good life is the best revenge you could have, because they'll hate to see it. If you can't love yourself for you, love yourself just out of spite towards the people who would bring you down."

10. Don't let perfect be the enemy of good enough.

"This is a good one in the professional world. I give this advice to my direct reports often. Move onto the next great thing."

11. Acceptance is the answer

"Big Book AA: Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."

"It changed my life… I was so consumed with everything that was wrong around me. It made me start looking at and adjusting myself instead. I can only control me. "

 self acceptance, self love, self-care, peace, understanding A woman at peace with herself.via Canva/Photos

12. You never know what someone is going through, always be kind.

"Always react with kindness. It costs you nothing and can make most situations much better."

13. Righty tighty, lefty loosey.

"Lives rent free in my head and has helped me every damn day of my life! Hahaha!"

"Especially when putting together furniture, saved me hours with allen keys."

14. The price of procrastination is the life you could have lived.

"Love this one!"

15. Let today be the day you learn the grace of letting go, and the power of moving on.

"I needed this thank you."

This article originally appeared in May.