Coworkers meet to discuss business.
There are few things scarier than job interviews. Making a strong impression on future employers while letting your personality and professional strengths shine is key to nailing one. And having strong social skills is an essential part of staying confident and composed.
"Social skills, and not just resumes, are vitally important both for job interviews and professional networking," Karol Ward, a licensed psychotherapist and founder of Claim Your Confidence, tells Upworthy.
While finding a new job can be incredibly challenging, feeling secure in your social skills can help you connect with a future employer while conveying your professional strengths and possibly landing you your dream job.
@garyvee What do you think are the most important qualities in a good employee? Drop your two cents below ⬇️
8 social skills that will make you more employable
These expert-approved tips will help your career:
#1: You're self-aware
Being able to read the room is a strong trait in a good employee.
"This is the skill of attuning and adapting to your environment," Doriel Jacov, a licensed psychotherapist, tells Upworthy. "What this generally means is being able to notice when something you might be saying or doing might be causing a negative reaction in others. Once you notice, you can do quickly reorient yourself."
How to do it:
"This looks like learning to understand others' facial expressions and body language. If someone sighs, they might be getting a little frustrated," explains Jacov. "If someone is looking down and not making eye contact, they might be feeling shame and embarrassment. These are all queues. Once you have a sense of what might be going on in the room, you can pivot in whatever way feels appropriate."
#2: You offer a proper greeting
Your first impression with a potential employer is key.
"These interactions show you value them as people and they are important," Dr. Courtney Cantrell, a licensed clinical psychologist in South Florida, tells Upworthy. "Colleagues will be more inclined to help, encourage you, or work with you if they like you."
How to do it:
"Make eye contact, say warm greetings (hello, good morning, good afternoon, Happy FriYay!), smile," says Cantrell. "And learning the names of everyone you meet and work with regardless of their position."
#3: You practice active listening
Listening is an important part of not just the job itself, but also managing relationships with coworkers and expectations from your boss.
"Active listening means fully engaging with what someone is saying, the nuances, the meta-communication, the meaning in the story underneath the words," Lisa Thomson, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Core Psychology, explains to Upworthy.
How to do it:
"Put away your phone. Make eye contact. When someone finishes speaking, pause for 2-3 seconds before responding, to both signals that you are really taking it in and processing, not just reacting," adds Thomson. "Reflect back to them what you heard in some of their words before responding. This does not mean you are agreeing with everything; it's about making people feel genuinely understood and that you've considered what they have shared before agreeing, critiquing or challenging them."
Coworkers actively listening.Photo credit: Canva
#4: You lead with humility
Employers take note of how humble a potential employee is.
"This trait manifests in not only an ability to receive and incorporate feedback, but also an understanding that, when starting a new job, there is a lot to learn," Dr. Melissa Gluck, founder and clinical director at Gluck Psychology Collective, tells Upworthy.
How to do it:
"In an interview, this might look like honestly acknowledging the interviewer's relative expertise through questions," says Gluck. "Once a position is secured, thoughtful question-asking remains important. But, I would also encourage the employee to demonstrate that they are listening through their approach to subsequent tasks."
#5: You regulate emotions under pressure
Remaining composed and managing emotions under pressure is a positive trait in employees.
"This is your ability to manage your nervous system when stakes are high or when you are navigating high stress periods, whether that's a difficult conversation with your boss, a tense client meeting, or conflict with a colleague," says Thomson. "From a neuroscience perspective, when we're dysregulated (anxious, defensive, shut down), our prefrontal cortex goes offline and we can't access our logical thinking brain. Employers need people who can stay resourceful when things get hard, not people who crumble under pressure or lash out."
How to do it:
"Become attuned to your body's stress signals. These may include a tight chest, shallow breathing, racing thoughts," says Thomson. "When you notice them, try what Dr. Andrew Huberman often talks about; use a physiological sigh: two quick inhales through your nose, one long exhale through your mouth. When you truly practice this, it can help calm your nervous system in 90 seconds. We get good at what we practice. Practice this daily so it's automatic when pressure hits."
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#6: You show authentic curiosity
Spending time investing in relationships with coworkers and your boss can make you a better employee.
"This means genuinely wanting to understand someone else's perspective, experience, or expertise," explains Thomson. "In workplaces, people who ask thoughtful questions, make eye contact and listen calmly with interest stand out because they're rare. This skill builds relationships faster than any small talk because it makes people feel valued. It's also how you learn what you don't know, which accelerates your growth."
How to do it:
"Replace 'How are you?' with questions that invite real answers: 'What's been taking up most of your energy lately?' or 'What's one thing going better than expected?'" suggests Thomson. "In meetings, ask 'What am I missing?' or 'What would you do differently?' Listen to the answer without defending or explaining. The important piece of this is genuine curiosity. People can tell when you're performing and pretending to be interested in contrast to what it feels like to talk to someone who actually cares. This builds trust and makes you someone people want to work with."
#7: You're reliable
Employers look for trustworthiness in potential employees.
"Just as we want to rely on friends to show up to the gatherings and dinners we plan, employers want to be able to confidently rely on their employees to accomplish tasks and show up to meetings on time," says Gluck.
How to do it:
"I advise reminding yourself of how good it feels when your boss shows this same quality," adds Gluck. "And on a more practical level, implementing a daily routine and upholding a calendar with reminders."
#8: You can "leave your backpack at the door"
According to Thomson, the most underrated skill for potential employees is the ability to "leave your backpack at the door," which means that you consciously transition into your professional role rather than bringing personal challenges and stress into the workplace.
How to do it:
"This is a state management technique: before you start work, take 60 seconds to acknowledge what's happening in your personal life, intentionally set it aside, and get present to what's needed from you professionally," adds Thomson. "Employers value this because it shows you can stay focused and engaged even when life is messy, and it protects both your work performance and your personal boundaries."
Harvard researcher Arthur C. Brooks studies what leads to human happiness.
We live in a society that prizes ambition, celebrating goal-setting, and hustle culture as praiseworthy vehicles on the road to success. We also live in a society that associates successfully getting whatever our hearts desire with happiness. The formula we internalize from an early age is that desire + ambition + goal-setting + doing what it takes = a successful, happy life.
But as Harvard University happiness researcher Arthur C. Brooks has found, in his studies as well as his own experience, that happiness doesn't follow that formula. "It took me too long to figure this one out," Brooks told podcast host Tim Ferris, explaining why he uses a "reverse bucket list" to live a happier life.
Many people make bucket lists of things they want in life. Giphy
Brooks shared that on his birthday, he would always make a list of his desires, ambitions, and things he wanted to accomplish—a bucket list. But when he was 50, he found his bucket list from when he was 40 and had an epiphany: "I looked at that list from when I was 40, and I'd checked everything off that list. And I was less happy at 50 than I was at 40."
As a social scientist, he recognized that he was doing something wrong and analyzed it.
"This is a neurophysiological problem and a psychological problem all rolled into one handy package," he said. "I was making the mistake of thinking that my satisfaction would come from having more. And the truth of the matter is that lasting and stable satisfaction, which doesn't wear off in a minute, comes when you understand that your satisfaction is your haves divided by your wants…You can increase your satisfaction temporarily and inefficiently by having more, or permanently and securely by wanting less."
Brooks concluded that he needed a "reverse bucket list" that would help him "consciously detach" from his worldly wants and desires by simply writing them down and crossing them off.
"I know that these things are going to occur to me as natural goals," Brooks said, citing human evolutionary psychology. "But I do not want to be owned by them. I want to manage them." He discussed moving those desires from the instinctual limbic system to the conscious pre-frontal cortex by examining each one and saying, "Maybe I get it, maybe I don't," but crossing them off as attachments. "And I'm free…it works," he said.
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"When I write them down, I acknowledge that I have the desire," he explained on X. "When I cross them out, I acknowledge that I will not be attached to this goal."
The idea that attachment itself causes unhappiness is a concept found in many spiritual traditions, but it is most closely associated with Buddhism. Mike Brooks, PhD, explains that humans need healthy attachments, such as an attachment to staying alive and attachments to loved ones, to avoid suffering. But many things to which we are attached are not necessarily healthy, either by degree (over-attachment) or by nature (being attached to things that are impermanent).
"We should strive for flexibility in our attachments because the objects of our attachment are inherently in flux," Brooks writes in Psychology Today. "In this way, we suffer unnecessarily when we don't accept their impermanent nature."
What Arthur C. Brooks suggests that we strive to detach ourselves from our wants and desires because the simplest way to solve the 'haves/wants = happiness' formula is to reduce the denominator. The reverse bucket list, in which you cross off desires before you fulfill them, can help free you from attachment and lead to a happier overall existence.
This article originally appeared last year.
People born before 1980 are sharing things from their childhoods that simply don't exist anymore.
Childhood has changed. Even kids who grow up today with a minimal diet of screen time and iPads will have a far different experience in today's modern world than those who grew up before the internet. Childhood was simpler for Boomers and Gen Xers, in many ways. Not always better, but there was definitely something special about its simplicity. Some parts of it no longer exist.
Where the older generations had a handful of TV shows at set times on limited channels, younger folks can binge watch streaming shows and YouTube channels 24/7. Boomers used manual typewriters while millennials had laptops. Gen X carried Walkmans while Gen Z carries smartphones.
And that's just technology. The world has changed in other ways, too, including greater safety awareness that's changed the way people parent and kids having less access to untouched nature. Change isn't inherently good or bad, but there are definitely some nostalgic elements of boomer and Gen X upbringings that those older generations wish today's young people could enjoy.
Here are some top answers to the question, "What is something you grew up with that you wish younger generations to experience?" from people born before 1980 on Reddit.
1. Being unreachable
Being unreachable with no phones. Photo by Khanh Do on Unsplash
"The freedom to be unreachable and unaware of what everyone on earth is doing at any given time, meaning ... life pre-iphone and pre-social media."
"Pre CELL phone. Pre pager. (I mean, I know early cell phones were around but virtually no one had them pre-1993 and certainly no one expected or even considered them except high paid business folk)."
"Yes, I came here to say anonymity but being unreachable was so nice."
"I remember leaving my phone home and not thinking anything of it. Now it’s not even ‘optional’. Phone is firmly a part of the ‘keys, wallet’ checklist before leaving the house."
"Yes, having people be able to reach out to you 24/7 is not a good thing."
2. Unrestricted, unsupervised outside exploration
Having the freedom to explore outside without supervision. Photo by Richard Stachmann on Unsplash
"Running wild outside in the country for entire day without even considering anything that could go wrong."
"We used to just run around the woods by my friends house, and had tree forts and rode bikes around to the neighborhood kids houses. No concept of time outside of sunset. I think that might get lost in the shuffle more today."
"This would be mine as well. Hop on your bike with a friend or two and head out. Maybe to the creek or the woods or the dime store downtown. Just an amazing aimless wandering with no fear of being accosted by anyone. A quick ten cent phone call home to let mom know where you were. Just be home for dinner. Our era had the best childhood ever."
"This is true. I would wander for miles. But the thing is, looking back I can now see more than a handful of incidents that I was very lucky to escape by the skin of my teeth. I’m talking about hitchhiking or telling my parents I was sleeping over someone’s house, them telling their parents they were sleeping at mine and then staying out all night. Stuff like that. It was fun- good times but when I think of MY kid or grandkids doing the same thing I want to throw up."
3. The joy of wonder without answers
Not having instant access to all the answers. Photo by Daniel Lloyd Blunk-Fernández on Unsplash
"Wonder. Sometimes we would just wonder about something. Watching a movie with friends. Someone says 'I wonder if William Holden is still alive?' Everybody would shrug and say 'I don’t know' and you go on with your lives."
"Something humbling and wonderful about not knowing. Now with so much knowledge literally in our hands, we have this anxious 'need to know' everything. And everyone has become a Tik Tok expert."
"Or allowing mysterious, wondrous stuff exist without explanations that are instantly available to remove the sense of awe about how odd, crazy, wonderful, talented, insane, or whatever our world can be."
"The world was more of a mystery back then. That has both its upsides and downsides, but I can't help but feel that some of the wonder has dissipated."
4. The gift of boredom
Being bored. Photo by Dimmis Vart on Unsplash
"Boredom. Boredom breeds creativity. Boredom has been removed from their lives."
"The skills you gain from the experience of being bored, every now and then. Principally, how you can develop that inner voice, which has been my friend on many occasions and saved my bacon many more. If you always rely on external sources for information or support you’ll surely get stuck when things go wrong or you have to make a decision quickly."
"Boredom leads to reading plus learning to play instruments."
"While I’m happy my kids made friends online the desperation of boredom and creating your own things was really important for me."
"Boredom. The number of times I whined to my parents I was bored and their answer was just 'then go find something to do' led to all kinds of fun."
5. The freedom to make mistakes
Having the grace to make mistakes and learn from them. Photo by Lesli Whitecotton on Unsplash
"Being able to make a mistake without it going viral online."
"Experiencing awkward coming of age scenarios without being documented in a server farm somewhere with world wide access."
"I'm sorry kids don't have the chance to make mistakes and correct them without it being memorialized online to follow them forever."
"Being able to break things and make mistakes... the cost is way too high now."
6. Tactile pleasures
Living in a tactile, not a digital, world. Photo by Nguyen Dang Hoang Nhu on Unsplash
"The satisfaction that comes with slamming down a landline phone receiver."
"Encyclopedias."
"Paper maps. I’d love to see someone in this day and age successfully use (and fold back to its original form) a paper map."
"Reading a book instead of playing video games (most useless invention possible). I'm actually old enough to remember no TV in the house and no radio either (my parents read newspapers and magazines instead for their news but it's a much slower feed and more local)."
"The thrill of buying a vinyl album. I know you can still do that, but it just doesn't seem the same. Back in the '60s and '70s they were absolute TREASURES."
"Sleeping on sheets that had been dried out on a clothesline in spring. The scent on those sheets was intoxicating."
7. Travel feeling more adventurous
The romance of travel. Photo by averie woodard on Unsplash
"Going on a road trip with your friends to somewhere you've never been, navigating your way there with a road atlas, and then exploring it without consulting any online reviews or suggestions from Google Maps."
"Experience world travel the way it used to be. There was a time when traveling to another country was a big deal and it was adventurous. Now, we can buy a last minute ticket on a flash sale, read about the destination on the way to the airport, watch Hollywood movies on the plane, rent a car from a familiar brand, stay at a known hotel chain, eat familiar food and use your GPS to guide you around while you chat in real time with your friends. Travel is still fun but the magic and romance are mostly gone. That feeling of being far away and completely submerged in a strange culture almost doesn't exist anymore. It's too easy and homogenized now."
"So true. Even back in the early 2000s I remember being on a bus in South America with an American 19 year old who was really captivated by the idea that I travelled in the 1970s "before email." You had to wait two weeks to receive any kind of letter at the General Delivery post office of whatever country you were in. There was so much freedom in that, and a real submersion into the local culture, an ability to let go of your cultural touchstones and become someone new."
"The old way of traveling meant there was a lot of serendipity happening. You’d head to some town you knew nothing about and get chatting with someone on the bus who would then invite you to stay at their house. They would feed you and show you around, help you navigate whatever you needed to head on your way. A lovely way to meet people and learn about nearby treasures to see that you knew nothing about. Now , everything can be researched and plotted out beforehand. I still travel in an unplanned way, with no agenda, no lodgings figured out, but when I mention it, other people shudder and say their anxiety wouldn’t allow it. Did we not have anxiety in the old days? Yes, we did, but it was all part of taking risks in life."
People born before 1980 strongly agree that, flawed as their childhoods may have been, they ultimately fostered a strong sense of independence, freedom, and lust for life.
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There's a lot that's better, easier, faster and more convenient about life in the 21st century, but there really was something special about growing up in the pre-internet days, wasn't there?
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
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A woman with her finger over her mouth.
It can be hard to stay quiet when you feel like you just have to speak your mind. But sometimes it's not a great idea to share your opinions on current events with your dad or tell your boss where they're wrong in a meeting. And having a bit of self-control during a fight with your spouse is a good way to avoid apologizing the next morning.
Further, when we fight the urge to talk when it's not necessary, we become better listeners and give others a moment in the spotlight to share their views. Building that small mental muscle to respond to events rather than react can make all the difference in social situations.
A woman is getting angry at her coworker.via Canva/Photos
What is the WAIT method?
One way people have honed the skill of holding back when they feel the burning urge to speak up is the WAIT method, an acronym for the question you should ask yourself in that moment: "Why Am I Talking?" Pausing to consider the question before you open your mouth can shift your focus from "being heard" to "adding value" to any conversation.
The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic has some questions we should consider after taking a WAIT moment:
- What is my intention behind what I am about to say?
- What question can I ask to better understand what the other person is saying?
- Is my need to talk an attempt to divert the attention to me?
- How might I become comfortable with silence rather than succumb to my urge to talk?
A man with tape over his mouth.via Canva/Photos
The WAIT method is a good way to avoid talking too much. In work meetings, people who overtalk risk losing everyone's attention and diluting their point to the extent that others aren't quite sure what they were trying to say. Even worse, they can come across as attention hogs or know-it-alls. Often, the people who get to the heart of the matter succinctly are the ones who are noticed and respected.
Just because you're commanding the attention of the room doesn't mean you're doing yourself any favors or helping other people in the conversation.
The WAIT method is also a great way to give yourself a breather and let things sit for a moment during a heated, emotional discussion. It gives you a chance to cool down and rethink your goals for the conversation. It can also help you avoid saying something you regret.
A husband is angry with his wife. via Canva/Photos
How much should I talk in a meeting?
So if it's a work situation, like a team meeting, you don't want to be completely silent. How often should you speak up?
Cary Pfeffer, a speaking coach and media trainer, shared an example of the appropriate amount of time to talk in a meeting with six people:
"I would suggest a good measure would be three contributions over an hour-long meeting from each non-leader participant. If anyone is talking five/six/seven times you are over-participating! Allow someone else to weigh in, even if that means an occasional awkward silence. Anything less seems like your voice is just not being represented, and anything over three contributions is too much."
Ultimately, the WAIT method is about taking a second to make sure you're not just talking to hear yourself speak. It helps ensure that you have a clear goal for participating in the conversation and that you're adding value for others. Knowing when and why to say something is the best way to make a positive contribution and avoid shooting yourself in the foot.
