upworthy

Cecily Knobler

a woman standing in a field of sunflowers

A man and his wife go to a party. They gallivant around, interact with various people, and have a few cocktails. On the car ride home, the wife (we'll call her Heather) says something like, "I can't believe Gemma is so annoyed with John." The husband (we'll call him Doug) is perplexed. "What are you talking about?" Heather persists, "What are YOU talking about? She can't STAND him."

Now, taking out all possible outside factors (like their alcohol intake, etc.), this might be a scenario you've seen before. (Of course, those genders can always be switched. Similarly, in same-sex couples, there's a spectrum of personality traits that are far from absolute.) But very often, we hear the trope of the extremely perceptive woman versus the less-than-perceptive man.

man and womanFile:Man-and-woman-icon.svg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

There are actual reasons for this. The idea of a physical difference between the male and female brain is nothing new. Numerous self-help books likeMen Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus,You Just Don't Understand: Men and Women in Conversation, and Brain Sex: The Real Difference Between Men and Women have flooded our bookstores for ages. They’ve sought to teach us how to be understood through clearer communication and empathy. Of course, this doesn’t refute the fact that upbringing and societal constructs also play a role in how we process information or behave in different scenarios.

It's a complex issue and far from black and white. That said, numerous studies continue to show how differences in brain structures (though tiny they may be!) really make all the difference.

brain Photo by Milad Fakurian on Unsplash

Dr. Judith Orloff, author of The Genius of Empathy: Practical Skills to Heal Your Sensitive Self, Your Relationships, and The World, wrote a piece for Psychology Today entitled"The Neuroscience of Women's Intuition." She shares, "A woman’s corpus callosum, the connective white matter that connects our left and right brain hemispheres, is thicker than a man’s. This gives women better and faster abilities to access each hemisphere, further integrating their emotions and gut feelings with the more logical decision-making functions of the left hemisphere. Women’s brains are optimized for rapid, intuitive decision-making."

What's even more fascinating is that our actual "gut" has connective neurons. Orloff also shares, "Scientists believe intuition operates through the right side of our brain, the brain’s hippocampus, and through our gut (the digestive system has neurons as well)."

So, there’s an actual reason we use the term "gut instinct."

Dr. Kayla Osterhoff often posts fascinating findings on this matter on Instagram. To name a few of the brain physical factors that help make intuition stronger in the female brain, she mentions a "larger mirror neuron system." She explains, "With more active anterior cingulate cortex and superior temporal sulcus areas, women can more accurately interpret nonverbal cues, better anticipate the needs of others, and navigate complex social dynamics."

She also brings up the aforementioned "enhanced communication between the brain's hemispheres" and "higher gray matter volume in the anterior cingulate gyrus, insula, and hippocampus," which help heighten women's empathy and awareness.

woman in white and black polka dot shirt holding blue and white book Photo by No Revisions on Unsplash

And though the science is ever-changing and will hopefully include more studies that differentiate between biological sex and gender identity, the studies consistently back up how different the "male vs. female" brain is. In an even more recent piece by Scott Barry Kaufman called "Male and Female Brains Can Be Classified with Striking Accuracy" , he discusses a scientific study published in PNAS that supports these findings. Their results suggest that, at the group level, male and female brains can be distinguished with a high level of accuracy, and there are particular features of intrinsic organization in these brains that are significant and most likely evolved over the course of human evolution for adaptive purposes." He adds, "All brains don’t have to be equal for there to be equality. Brains can be complementary with equal opportunities for contribution."

In other words, if you're reading this with a confused expression on your face, Heather may more likely pick up on that than Doug.

Unknown men in top hats (groom and ushers?) by Wakefield, … | Flickr

Remember that time Travis Kelce wore a top hat on stage at his girlfriend Taylor Swift's London concert? Well, he almost didn't remember either.

On his New Heights podcast, with his brother Jason Kelce, they flashed a picture of Abe Lincoln. Travis says, "That would never be me because I'd never be seen with that f-ing hat on." Jason laughs uproariously. Shortly after, Travis pensively recalls, "I remember wearing a top hat not too long ago." He's asked, "Where did you wear a top hat?"

Travis replies (complete with an English accent), "When I was in London!" He tries to cover for himself. "So I got caught in my own lie. I enjoy wearing those, but only in front of 80,000 people." (Jason kindly tells him he pulled it off.)

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Top hats aren't the only accessories or articles of clothing someone might wear and later regret. A Redditor posed the question, "What's the most cringe-worthy fashion trend you've ever followed?"

People from all generations chimed in. They mostly agreed with one another, though "crocs" seemed to inspire some debate.

AT LEAST HE AVOIDED THE SOUL PATCH

One person opted to share a whole slew of bad decisions: "I did the whole super-thick Vans, baggy jeans full of holes, silver chains. Every t-shirt had graffiti or aliens on it. I think the most cringe-worthy was my 6-inch faux hawk. It looked more like a wave about to crash onto the shore. Kind of like I had walked face-first into a wall or something. Luckily, I was too young to sport a soul patch."

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DECADES OF BAD DECISIONS

An older commenter shared two decades of embarrassing choices: "In the 1950s, we wore crinoline petticoats that we dipped in gelatin and hung out in the sun to dry and stiffen them. In the 1960s, we teased our hair, sprayed it, teased it again, sprayed it until it was like steel wool."


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BELL-BOTTOM BLUES

The Seventies weren't spared either. One Reddit user admits they wore "leisure suits and saddle oxfords in the 70s." Another proclaims, "Bell bottoms!" (Though, if you saw the Superbowl, it looks like Kendrick Lamar might actually be bringing those bell-bottoms -or at least a boot-cut pant - back in style.)


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LOW-RISE AND PRINTED

Many agreed that low-rise jeans and "print trends" now make them cringe.

One exclaimed, "OMG, the print trends! Owls, birds, mustaches, bacon, keep calm logos, the silhouette of two women sitting down."

Another admitted that the low-rise jean trend meant they could never sit down. "Low-rise jeans... I had to stand everywhere I went."

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WHERE ARE YOUR EYEBROWS?

After someone mentioned bleaching their hair, another upped the ante: "I see your 2000s bad bleach dye jobs. I raise you... plucked eyebrows so damned thin that when it was fashionable to have thicker eyebrows, well, tough sh-t. Because we plucked them all out years ago. Now, I’m condemned to draw part of my eyebrows on until I leave this mortal coil or thin eyebrows come back around. Whichever is first, I suppose."

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OUR MVP…

And this might be a personal favorite, due to its wonderfully cringe-worthy randomness: "You ever heard of the trend where you just wear a jester hat everywhere? Yeah, me neither, but for some reason, I did that throughout my teenage years into my twenties."

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Community

I had a couple of months to live and what I'm grateful for is not what you'd think

I did find joy in just the tiniest of ways. Here are a few of them.

Sometimes, although well-intentioned, people say the most infuriating stuff when you're facing a health crisis. I know, because it happened to me. After being diagnosed with a fast-moving aortic aneurysm, I was told I was on borrowed time. What a concept! As if I'd gone to the bank and taken out a "time-loan."

Soonish after, I was being lifted onto a gurney by a bunch of dudes who never did introduce themselves. Luckily, I had an amazing surgeon at a top-notch hospital and they took my heart out, (I was on a breathing machine, relax), stitched it up with some kind of polyester netting and sent me off to recovery.

I recall, just seconds before I went under, someone in the room announcing my name, age, height and reason for surgery. Cecily Knobler, 25 year-old female (just kidding, but no one needs my REAL age) 62 inches, aneurysm in the aortic root. I remember thinking in that split second, we are so much more than our names and our inches. We are wine-cooler nights at a mosquito-ridden park in 11th grade. We are the love we had for our dogs and our Big Dipper starry-night crushes and our favorite New Wave songs. We are not our skin or our chemo or our lungs or our fear.

Sometimes when you're in that hospital bed, loved ones just don't know what to say. A lot will tell you once it's all behind you, you'll have a new lease on life. The sunshine will be sunnier, that every breath is a gift, blah, blah, blah. The truth is sometimes it's hard to not get stuck in the woe-is-me cycle of "why did this happen to me?" and/or "what next?"

But I did find joy in just the tiniest of ways. Here are a few:

A strawberry milkshake

strawberry shake in clear drinking glass Photo by Denis on Unsplash

Yep. That simple. Someone went to the cafeteria in the hospital and surprised me with a frothy delicious milkshake I didn't even know I needed. Paired with my tasty IV drip, it was just what the doctor didn't order!

My hospital TV had HBO

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I mean, once I was able to understand the remote, I was overjoyed to see I could watch old episodes of Girls. It hit differently on very little sleep, but I loved it just the same.

A video of my dog

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A friend who was keeping my mutt while I was "away" sent me iPhone footage of him rolling around in some dirt. It made my heart so full, I almost had to get surgery again!

A night nurse made me laugh

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One of the day nurses and I got into a little tiff. She was trying get me to do a lap on my walker (which apparently is quite good for you) and I told her, "No thanks." We went back and forth for awhile and she finally gave up. Later, when my favorite nurse started his shift at 7:00pm, I told him she had been a bit of a jerk. (I might have used stronger language than that.) He laughed and said, "Oh she's the WORST." This took me by surprise and it was the first laugh I'd had in a long while!

My first bubble bath…3 months later

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After this particular surgery, you're advised to not drive or take baths for 90 days. The driving part I didn't care about, but lavender bubble-baths are my favorite thing. I marked the exact day in my calendar when I could return to that daily habit. And on that day, it was the best darn lavender bubble-bath I'd ever had.

Friendship

Woman reconnects with her high school bully and finds out people aren't always who they once seemed

Almost everyone has been bullied. Not even gets to have a surprising reunion.

girl in blue sleeveless dress

Bullies. So many of us had them. Whether it was the subtle "Mean Girls" digs or full-on being shoved into a locker, there was usually that ONE (or three) person in your younger years who made your stomach drop the moment you saw them. They seemed to live to make your life miserable, and all too often, they succeeded.


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A woman took to Reddit and asked, "Who got bullied in school/college? Where are your bullies now?"

Great question. As someone who Insta-stalks every single crush I've had since kindergarten, it never occurred to me to look up the people who hadn’t always been so pleasant.

After the OP posed the question, she told her own story. "There was a group of girls, particularly one girl who'd pick on me. Basically, her boyfriend had broken up with her because he had started to like me. So yeah, she'd bully me a lot, and I never had a good relationship with her in school."

But things took a surprising turn somewhat recently! She adds, "…until a year ago, our best friends from school basically cheated on us with each other. (I don't have a better way to explain this, but yeah, we both got abandoned by our best friends.) This left us dealing with a lot of mental issues. During this time, we both connected with each other online and became each other's emotional support."

It gets even better. "She apologized to me for everything she'd done, and I genuinely forgave her. We've become really, really close now, and it makes me happy to think that things turned out this way."

Many Reddit users chimed in to tell their own tales of bullying and updates on their whereabouts. Said bullies' lives reportedly ranged from fabulous and successful (one runs a Fortune 500 company) to not-so-great and possibly current cult members. One person adds a funny observation about hypocrisy: "A lot of them are now 'life coaches' and 'influencers' who talk about loving yourself and being kind. F-ing irony."

woman in pink tank top and blue denim jeans sitting on yellow chair Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

Instead of befriending their bullies, many on the thread have learned to take their power back by simply ignoring them. One shares, "I get repeated follow requests on Instagram from one of them. He passively stalks me. Two years ago, he DM'd me, and I just saw it and screenshot it. Later, he would proceed to like my Instagram stories and photos, and as usual, I kept ignoring him. LMAO."

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She says it didn't even occur to her that this was some sort of victory: "I was so much into my own world that it took me a while to realize how some people can perceive this as a victorious/ 'revenge' moment."

And lastly, there's the perspective that comes with age. A Redditor shares that after attending her 25th high school reunion, she saw this group for what they really were:
"It was glaringly obvious. Once they ascertained my station in life, they grudgingly offered some polite greetings, but they couldn't hide their disdain on their faces. From time to time, they checked if they could get away with laughing at something about me. When they couldn't get any reaction, they looked disappointed."

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