upworthy

grandparents

Modern Families

People discuss brutally honest reasons why so many Boomer grandparents seem to be hands-off

"They were also pretty hands off as parents, too."

Image via Canva

People offer their theories on why Boomer grandparents are more absent.

Boomer grandparents have recently come under fire by their Millennial children for how they grandparent. Many Millennials have opened up online about their parents' less-than-stellar help with grandkids and their overall absence.

In a Reddit forum discussing the differences between generations, user @No_Language_423 posed the question: "Why are so many Boomer grandparents hands-off?" They went on to add, "Genuinely curious about this. Why is it that so many Boomer grandparents seem completely uninterested in being involved or helping out with their grandkids in a real, consistent way?"

In a further explanation, they added, "From what I’ve seen and heard, a lot of Boomers actually did have active, supportive parents when they were raising their own kids. Their moms would babysit, cook, or even move nearby to help out. But now, when Millennials become parents and hope for that same kind of support, it’s like even asking is seen as too much. Some even act insulted by the idea."

old couple, grandparents, grandma, grandpa, older coupleup s GIFGiphy

However, they also noted this description of Boomer grandparents can't be generalized. They added, "Of course, there are outliers. I’m not talking about the people who comment, 'Well I help my kids all the time.' That’s great, but I’m noticing a pattern, not isolated cases. There seems to be a broader generational vibe around this. It doesn’t feel like a case-by-case thing, it feels like a shift in attitude."

They ended their post with more pondering thoughts. "At the same time, I hear a lot of Millennial parents saying they already plan to be very involved grandparents someday. So what changed? Is it a cultural shift? A difference in how retirement is viewed? Or maybe Boomers didn’t get as much help as we assume? Curious to hear what others think, especially from people who’ve experienced this dynamic firsthand."

Many people chimed in with their thoughts and firsthand experience as to why Boomer grandparents seem to be hands-off. These are 15 of the most compelling responses.

boomer, boomers, boomer grandparents, grandparents, boomer grandkidsOld Lady Reaction GIFGiphy

"The parents of boomers didn’t call their kids boomers; they called them the ME generation. Because it was all about them. They’re the ME generation." —@BEniceBAGECKA

"They were also pretty hands off as parents, too."—@ azulsonador0309

"Their moms were 23 when they had kids. Their kids were 23 when they had kids. Grandma was 46. Today’s grandmas are in their sixties. They have a hard time getting through the day without their own naps." —@Ok_Membership7264

"My theory is that it's related to people having kids later in life. The grandparents are older on average." —@nineoctopii

retire, retirement, boomer, boomers, boomer grandparentSeason 7 Showtime GIF by DexterGiphy

"It's because they had children because 'that's what's done,' not because they actually wanted them. Now that they're 'free,' they aren't going to give that up for anything. Notice how they are also distant with their own kids. It's not like they're interested in their kids, but not the grandkids. They want nothing to do with any of it." —@ExcellentCold7354

"I'm 56. Most 56 year olds these days still have full time jobs and other responsibilities to where babysitting and moving are not viable options." —@shammy_dammy

"Have you met Gen X? They were feral kids for a reason. The boomers could barely be bothered to raise their own children. They certainly aren't going to be stepping up for the grandkids." —@gwenkane404

anxious parent, millennial parent, high maintenance parenting, parent, millennial parentsMy Baby No GIF by CBeebies HQGiphy

"Millennials have also changed. Every time I offer to help, I get a scroll of instructions, gluten-free snacks, feelings charts, and nap negotiations that last longer than peace talks. Any small deviation is treated like trauma. It’s exhausting." —@Revolutionary-Buy655

"I'm a millennial with Boomer parents. My parents were pretty hands off when I was a child, so it's not surprising they were hands-off with their grandchildren. My parents dropped me off with my grandparents for weekends so frequently that I had my own bedroom there. I plan to be an involved grandparent because I value the relationship I had with my own grandparents so much. I feel sorry for the Boomers. They don't realize how much they are missing out on by focusing on themselves." —@CandidateNo2731

"They were sold the idea of retirement their entire lives. And now they feel entitled to that instead of adjusting with the times. They’re loss, historically." —@rollbackprices

parents, parenting, frustrated parents, annoyed parents, boomer parentsseason 7 kids GIFGiphy

"I think part of the answer is because a lot of them didn’t really want to have kids in the first place. But back then it’s just what you did. You got married at 20 and started popping out babies shortly after. If you didn’t, you were an abomination to the family." —@Screamcheese99

"We are older than the previous generation's grandparents. Believe it. Being 60+ and trying to care for toddlers is hard! Also, despite our experience and knowledge, we are often given ridiculous instructions and rules to follow by our own children, along with lists of likes/dislikes to adhere to. They expect entertainment in ways we are just not able to provide. Personal example from my attempt at babysitting my grandchild: I literally have not moved the car seat, that she installed, even an inch, but my DIL huffs, sighs, makes comments when getting her out of it. I am nice enough to drive her to her job to shorten their commute home, but I even do that wrong. So, forget it. I tried." —@TXteachr2018

"I think its because we live so far away from each other." —@Apprehensive_Pie_105

worlds apart, far away, long distance, live far apart, distantcould not be more different long distance GIF by Jay SprogellGiphy

"Hmm. I feel like the sense of community is gone. Starting with the Boomers in my family they emigrated to the US and scattered away from each other. States away from each other they had no support system and worked themselves ragged. There wasn’t really a village to help raise a child. Now that they are retired it’s like having a second chance at life and they don’t want to spend it watching kids. They want to pursue their hobbies and relax which I honestly don’t blame them." —@KorraNHaru

"Many Boomers (not all! so don't come for me lol) have deep, untreated trauma and mental health issues. Many are even very detached from their own existences at this point. Narcissistic traits are common among them, which is based in deep self-loathing. I think deep down a lot of them feel ashamed of how they raised their kids and don't want to mess up their grandkids as well." —@Arysta

From Your Site Articles
boomer grandparents
Family

Psychologist says baby boomer 'three-quarter crisis' has left millennial parents 'abandoned'

Young parents need support and they aren't getting it.

via Canva/Photos and Gustavo Fring/Pexels

A mom struggles while his father is on vacation.

Canadian psychologist Elliott Jacques coined the term "mid-life crisis" in 1965 to describe a time in people’s lives when they begin to grapple with meaning, purpose, and mortality. This developmental state can inspire people to become more spiritual and improve their health. It can also cause people to seek extramarital affairs and buy a flashy car.

As baby boomers came of age, they were among the first generations to openly struggle with the mid-life crisis. You saw this often in '80s and '90s pop culture when men would buy sports cars and get their ears pierced to appear young and virile. Now that they’re at retirement age, boomers are embracing the three-quarter life crisis, where they're facing their mortality by travelling, taking risks, and living it up while they can. The problem is that this has taken them away from their roles as grandparents, and their millennial children feel abandoned.

What’s wrong with boomer grandparents?

baby boomers, grandparents, older couples, man and woman, couple in 60sA married man and woman in their late 60s.via Canva/Photos

Recent generational trends show a big rift between millennials and their boomer parents. The older generation isn’t keen on spending time with their grandchildren or helping their kids raise their families. At a time when the cost of living is through the roof, especially childcare, young families need more support than ever, and it feels like the baby boomers have dropped the ball by prioritizing their well-being over the children and grandchildren.

"It is a really common struggle," Leslie Dobson, a psychologist in Los Angeles, told Business Insider. "You have children, and it feels even more like an abandonment that they've chosen their life over meeting their grandchildren and building these relationships. There's almost like this three-fourth life crisis that [boomers are] in. And they're really looking at this as, 'Oh, my God, my life's almost over. When is my last day, and how am I going to live my best life?'"

stressed mom, milennial mom, baby, mom and baby, empty roomA mom an dher baby.via Canva/Photos

The crux of the generational rift is whether boomers should have to sacrifice their remaining years putting family first or whether they deserve to have fun while they can. Many in the younger generation see the decision to put good times and personal development before family as a hallmark of a group deemed the “Me Generation” in the ‘70s.

Do millennials and boomers parent differently?

To make things worse, when boomers are around to care for their grandchildren, their old-school, authoritarian approach to parenting often clashes with the more gentle, nurturing style adopted by the millennials. "What I've seen in my clients is there's a huge differentiation in parenting," Dobson said. "If you ask a millennial, the boomers are overly harsh and not good at parenting the younger children. And millennials are very aware of what could potentially be traumatizing, what is not gentle parenting."

Popular millennial parenting influencer Paige Connell went viral on TikTok recently for pointing out a big problem with boomer grandparents: they insist on doing it their way and won’t listen to their children. “It's so strange being a millennial parent with boomers who are now grandparents to your children. Because we all want them to have this, like, really close, loving relationship, but struggle for so many reasons,” she opens her video. “I think one of the biggest reasons is just the blatant disregard for any parenting decisions we make, and so this can look so many different ways, I think it starts when they're born, right.”

@sheisapaigeturner

This is a PSA for Boomer grandparents. If you value time and closeness with your kids and grandkids, I highly recommend that you learn what their boundaries are around parenting, and respect them respecting your children as they become parents goes a very long way for your relationship. ##boomergrandparents##boomerparents##boomervsmillennial##millennialmoms##boundarysetting##grandparentsoftiktok##momof4kids ##parentingstyle

Ultimately, the millennial-boomer generational divide isn’t just about parenting styles; it’s about expectations, values, and priorities. As millennials struggle with young children, boomers are off chasing joy and fulfillment in the final quarter of their lives. Hopefully, they can both understand each other and meet in the middle.

From Your Site Articles
baby boomers
Heroes

Denver 3-year-old bravely saves great-grandma after she fell outside while babysitting him

He learned bravery from watching 'Paw Patrol.'

Photo credit: Canva

3-year-old saves great-grandma after she fell and hit her head

There's no rule that says only an adult can be a hero. Teens and sometimes small children can become heroes too, even when they're not thinking of themselves as someone worthy of a cape. Bridger Peabody is just three years old but the toddler is already adding hero to his resume before he even starts preschool.

Bridger is a huge fan of the show Paw Patrol, which came in handy when an emergency took place while he was being babysat by his great-grandmother Sharon Lewis, 77. The two were home alone when the unthinkable happened, "Gigi," which is what Bridger calls his grandma, fell and the toddler had to rescue her. Lewis uses a walker to get around and must've become unsteady on her feet while maneuvering the wheeled walker inside.

The pair were outside enjoying some playtime before everything went south. As they were making their way inside from playing in the backyard, Lewis fell—but it wasn't just a normal trip and fall. The great-grandma didn't land on her knees, bottom, or even her hands—which probably would caused enough damage. When Lewis fell, she forcefully hit her head on the cement steps and blood quickly rushed from her wound—but that wasn't the end of her problem.

elderly, great grandma, great grandma, injury, childcareThank goodness the little boy knew what to do. Giphy

"I tripped over something and fell and hit my head on the concrete step," Lewis tells Inside Edition.

The elderly woman was unable to move and her cell phone was not with her. Since she was home alone with the toddler, she realized he was the only one there who could help her. So, she instructed him to get her phone. Bridger may be young, but he knew his grandmother was hurt and needed his help. There were a couple of stumbling blocks for Bridger to overcome, though, the first one being that the phone was in the car, not inside the house. The second was that the sun had set and the toddler is afraid of the dark.

dark, emergency, child, great grandma, helpThe situation was pretty dire.Giphy

This is where Paw Patrol comes in. The show is popular with toddlers and preschoolers, and depicts cartoon dogs of different breeds donning uniforms from various help and service professions (firefighter, police, construction, etc.) to rescue different fictional animals. It shows kids the importance of bravery, team work, and kindness—which Bridger clearly picked up on. The little guy knew that it was dark outside, but he also knew he needed to help his great-grandmother—so he braved the dark channeling his inner Paw Patrol character.

His self pep talk was caught on camera and it's just as adorable as one might imagine. You can see Bridger holding his blankie in the night vision security camera as he walks to the car repeating, "Don't be afraid." The boy opens the car door and excitedly exclaims, "YAY! I did it!" when he gets inside the car. When the interior light turned on in the car, Bridger could clearly see the phone and was able to grab it and bring it back to his grandmother, allowing her to call 911.

The ambulance came to take Lewis to the hospital where she received 22 staples in her head. She's now home safely recovering all thanks to the bravery of her three-year-old great grandson.

This article originally appeared in March

From Your Site Articles
grandparents
Modern Families

Grandpa makes a compelling case for no unannounced visits from grandparents

"…some of us might be crossing that line a little bit.”

@legacyofagrandpa/Instagram

Why that surprise visit might not be the gift you're hoping to bestow.

It’s a bittersweet situation for many adults—you live close enough to your own parents that grandma and grandpa can help out with the kids from time to time. On the one hand, you’ve got the luxury of a village at your disposal. Holidays are a cinch. Yay. But with that close proximity also comes blurry boundaries, which can take on the form of “surprise” grandparent visits during the most inopportune times.

Which brings us to the question: should grandparents be able to drop by unannounced in the first place? If you ask grandfather of two Rick Cognata, who regularly posts grandparent related content on his "Legacy Of A Grandpa" Instagram account, you’ll get a pretty definitive answer.

In a recent video, Cognata shared why making a call first might be a better move, explaining how well it works for his own kids.

“I am on my way to my daughter’s house and guess what? I called first,” Cognata began. “I said, ‘Hey, do you mind if I come over? I’m missing them. I just want to pop over. I’ll bring some food, whatever.’”

While this time Cognata's daughter gave the okay, in the past she’s also told him “No Dad, today is not a good day.” And offering up this bit of autonomy can make all the difference in a grandparent-parent dynamic. Though Cognata shared that it’s not quite the norm.

“I see a lot with my friends that this presents a problem with ... us grandparents ... that just pop over. Like, ‘This is my kid, they live around the corner from me, I will pop over when I want. My parents did it to me and I do it to them.’”

Photo credit: Canva

Cognata concluded by saying that of course, the drop in policy will differ from family to family, but in his own observation, “I hear a lot of my friends’ children saying, ‘I wish they would call.’”

“So that’s all I’m saying ... some of us might be crossing that line a little bit.”

By and large, folks generally seemed to agree with Cognata’s stance.

“Totally agree it’s called respect as our children are now adults themselves. ❤️

“🙌 I ALWAYS make contact first. They are a separate family unit to us and have their own life and routines. This has to be respected 🙌❤️🙌❤️🙌”

“Agreed! Your kids are now your friends and they deserve your respect. Not everyone is up for company ( family) at any given time. They need to have their own space and decide when the timing is right. I expect the same from them. It works beautifully that way! ❤️”

Still, others felt the rule to be unnecessary.

“It’s sad that family can’t pop over like it was when I grew up. But once an adult child gets married we have to respect how they want to live.”

“When I was younger and into my early married life, we would pop over to people's houses all the time. I think it's a southern thing.”

Photo credit: Canva

Whether or not you totally agree with Cognata’s opinion on this particular topic, it’s easy to see how it brings up a broader shift in how we approach family dynamics. Terms like “boundaries” certainly weren’t as mainstream when we (or our parents) were growing up, and it’s still relatively new territory for everyone. That’s why having open conversations, even online ones, can be pivotal for gaining perspective and possibly finding an approach that’s a win win for everyone.

By the way, Cognata has all kinds of grandparent-related discussions on his Instagram, which you can find here.

This article originally appeared in March

From Your Site Articles
life
Trending Stories