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Millennial mom gives 3 big reasons Boomers are the 'worst' generation of grandparents

"Honestly Boomers are so agitated with the grandkids."

Image via Canva

Millennial mom shares why Boomer grandparents are the worst with grandkids.

Every generation has taken a different approach to parenting. From Gen X to Boomers to Millennials, each generation has brought up their kids different than the generation before. And for Millennial parents with Boomer grandparents, some have a bone to pick.

TikTokker Phyllis (@motherphyllis) pointed out three of the biggest reasons why she thinks Millennial parents (like herself) think that Boomer grandparents are *the worst* when it comes to helping take care of their grandchildren. The first reason she is calling out Boomer grandparents is because in her experience, they don't really want to help out if needed, and throw a "you need to raise your own kids" argument if asked for help.

"I’m not raising your kids. They’re your kids take care of them yourself even though trust us we don’t want you raising our kids. No thanks 🤣," she captioned the post.

@motherphyllis

I’m not raising your kids. They’re your kids take care of them yourself even though trust us we don’t want you raising our kids. No thanks 🤣 #fyp #fypシ #grandparents #millennial #boomer #mom #sahm #fypage #honest #truth #foryoupage #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp

In the video, she says, "Because y'all couldn't wait to have grandbabies. You were so excited about it. And then when they get here, you *maybe* stop up at the hospital, *maybe* stop over to the house. You stay for 45 minutes, snap a picture, upload it to Facebook and then you gotta get home to the dogs. And then you might not see the baby again until their first birthday."

She goes on to add that Boomer grandparents also like to add in that they are "not raising your kids. 'They're your kids. I raised my kids. Sorry but I'm not doing that'," she says, adding that when Boomer grandparents are asked to do a small favor like watch their grandkids for a doctor's appointment, they use that argument. "Us Millennials are like, 'Wait! We weren't asking you to raise them. We were asking you to keep them for maybe like, an hour or two."

Her second reason why she thinks Boomer grandparents are the worst is that they are irritated/agitated easily with grandkids. "Honestly boomers are so agitated with the grandkids. My grandma would never 🤣😩," she captioned the video.

@motherphyllis

Honestly boomers are so agitated with the grandkids. My grandma would never 🤣😩 #fyp #fypシ #foryoupage #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #mom #millennial #momlife #boomer #generations

She goes on to explain that Boomer grandparents do "weird sh*t", like "they won't see the kids for a year, maybe because they're long distance, and they come around and are instantly irritated with the kids. They can't even stand it," she says. "It's like, 'Quit talking! Quit jumping! Quit doing that!' It's like, what are they doing? They're just eating Goldfish. 'The crunching is giving me a headache, it's just annoying.'"

Then she gives another scenario, with Boomer grandparents who live 45 minutes away who "act like it's a total inconvenience to see the kids like, I don't know, once a month or once a week even...Boomers be so irritated with the grandkids these days."

@motherphyllis

Just calling to chat about myself… #fyp #fypシ #foryoupage #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #sahm #mom #millennial #boomer #generations #funny #honest #truth

Finally, she shares that the third reason she thinks Boomer grandparents are the worst is because when they call to check in, they only want to chat about themselves. "Just calling to chat about myself…," she captioned the post.

"You think they're calling to see how you're doing or how the kids are doing or something of that matter besides themselves, but nope...they're just calling to talk about themselves," she says. "They want to talk about the new beach house, they want to tell you about how they're furnishing it. They might start the conversation with, 'How's everyone doing?', and then when you start to explain how everyone's doing they're like, 'Okay well that's enough! I didn't want the whole story. I was just calling to talk about myself.'"

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Stepmom makes bold move after being pressured to quit her job to raise stepdaughter's baby

It ignited a powerful conversation about what a grandparent's responsibilities really are.

Photo credit: Canva

Folks wholeheartedly agreed with her decision.

What is a grandparent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? This is a question with a billion different answers, depending on who you ask, and one that can lead to a lot of conflict within a family.

Some grandparents want to take on an active role in their grandkid's lives, which can lead to unsolicited visits and other forms of boundary crossing. Others feel that their child rearing days are over, and that they've earned the right to take on less responsibility, which can also lead to stress and hurt feelings.

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum further complicated this conundrum, since the woman at the center of the controversy was a stepparent.

At the time of writing her post, the woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15 (Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10). The couple married five years ago after Leah had moved out to go to college.

stepgrandparents, grandparents, grandparent problems, child support, stepmom When parents can't step up, should grandparents step in?Photo credit: Canva

When Leah became pregnant she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.

Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties. The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, research shows that 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. In 2019, a study found that out the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent. Portland, OR is part of a very short list of cities where an "average teacher can afford 91.3% of apartments within community distance of their school" according to a recent study.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

stepgrandparents, grandparents, grandparent problems, child support, stepmom, single mom "Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was."Photo credit: Canva

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter\u2019s baby.\"" photo_credit_src="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqFfX0A8UAc" photo_credit="Photo credit: Canva"] "[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby."Photo credit: Canva

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," one person wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," another added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's, saying " Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money."

While there are resources to help stepparents connect with their stepchildren and step-grandchildren, it's important to remember that the responsibility to raise a child ultimately rests with the parent(s).

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Grandma realized her granddaughter didn't look like her siblings so she got secret DNA test

It was a shocking decision but people are saying she was right to do it.

via Christian Buehner/Unsplash and Warren Umoh/Unsplash

The grandmother was suspicious.

A grandmother always felt her middle granddaughter Lindsay, 15, looked slightly different from the rest of the family because she had blonde, curly hair, while the rest of her siblings’ hair was dark “I thought genetics was being weird and I love her,” she wrote.

But things became serious after Linday’s parents “banned” her from taking things a step further and getting a DNA test. If the family was sure their daughter was theirs, why would they forbid her from seeking clarity in the situation? After the parents laid down the law, the situation started to seem a little suspicious. “I told my son and [daughter-in-law] that there was something fishy around her birth she needed to know. They denied it and told me to leave it alone,” the grandma wrote.

Lindsay wouldn’t give up her quest. She approached her biology teacher, who admitted that it was “odd” for her to have such different traits. This confusion was too much for Lindsay, so she went to her grandmother for help. “She came to me distressed, asking me to buy a DNA test since she needs to know,” the grandmother wrote.

DNA test, medical lab, grandparents The grandmother's post about her secret DNA test went viralImage via Canva

The grandmother purchased a DNA test and it proved their suspicions. “Long story short, she is not her mother's kid,” the grandmother wrote. “My son got someone else pregnant and her bio mom gave her up.”

The interesting thing was that Lindsay was a middle child. So, the dad had a baby with another woman while he was with his wife. This revelation begs the question: How did the family suddenly have a baby out of nowhere without people being suspicious?

“They were on the other side of the country when she was born, and I met Lindsey when she was about 6 months old. Really not hard to hide the whole thing,” the grandmother wrote. “Our family has a history of miscarriages, so it’s common to drop news about a baby late in the pregnancy. They did the same with their oldest and didn't think anything about it.”

grandparents, DNA test, secret DNA test The grandmothers secret DNA test sparked a debateImage via Canva

The big revelation has caused friction in the family. The family no longer talks to the grandmother, which makes Lindsay even more furious about the situation.Should the grandmother have taken such drastic steps if she knew what could happen if her suspicions were true? The commenters on Reddit overwhelmingly supported the grandmother’s decision. The big reason was that Lindsay needed to know her family history for medical reasons.

"Your son and his wife suck for lying to her until she is 15 about something so important and trying to keep lying to her even after she obviously started to question things. There are medical reasons a person might need to know what their genetics are/are not, and if you hadn’t helped her, she would have found out some other way," Shake_Speare423 wrote.

Another commenter noted that protecting the parents’ lie wasn’t nearly as important as Lindsay’s mental health.

"People have a right to know their genetic heritage. Lying about adoption is linked to increased suicidal ideation, anxiety, and depression. You put her safety and comfort ahead of your son’s preferences. Parental rights do not have greater value than a child’s right to access comprehensive medical care, and hiding an adoption does precisely that. Maybe some things, like a child staying healthy, should matter more than a parent's right to lie, gaslight and manipulate their child as they see fit," RemembrancerLirael added.


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The commenters overwhelmingly supported the grandma for putting herself into an uncomfortable situation to protect her granddaughter’s mental and physical health. However, one commenter noted that she could have gone about it in a less polarizing way.

“Bit out of the norm for the responses here, but you should have gone through your son [and daughter-in-law] and convinced them. Told them that the biology teacher had highlighted that she had traits that didn't make sense, etc. and convinced them that Lindsey would find out either way,” PhilMcGraw wrote. “It would have allowed them to find a way to tell her without it being forced on them angrily. A DNA test is the absolute worst way to be told. I'm sure they would have much rather told her than let her find out by a DNA test if that is what was coming.”

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Parents share 17 totally unexpected benefits of having children that no one told them about

"Being able to get out of any plans. Literally anything."

via Mickey_Liaw/Flickr, via Canva/Photos, Scott Wolff/Flickr

A child at HOng King Disneyland, a father and son playing video games, and a little girl with Santa Claus.

When you don’t have kids, parents who want to convince you to reproduce often try to sell you on having kids because they provide unconditional love. They also say that being a parent allows you to become more selfless, gives you a sense of real purpose, and allows you to slow down and live in the moment.

However, if those wonderful, life-affirming things don’t sell you on becoming a parent, there are a lot of small, seldom discussed benefits that you never hear from parents, but taken together as a bundle, they can make your life pretty joyous.

A Reddit user asked the Parenting subforum about some of the “unexpected benefits” of having children, and over 2,300 people responded with the small things that they love about having kids. A lot of them have to do with the fun that comes with reliving your childhood. They also enjoy the fact that being a parent gives you an unlimited number of excuses to get out of social obligations.

mom and daughter, little girl, mom, piggy back, hug, joy A little girl hugging her mom.via Canva/Photos

Here are 17 of the best “unexpected benefits” of being a parent.

1. Getting out of plans

"Being able to get out of any plans. Literally anything."

“'Ooh, sorry, my daughter naps at that time.' Narrator: her daughter hadn’t taken a nap in 3 years."

"They are also a great excuse to leave early. My little girl (bless her heart) starts saying “I want to go home” without fail about 1 hr into visits with my in-laws. She is the perfect child."

2. You can be a kid again

"One benefit I noticed is being able to act like a kid again without people judging. You can dance & be silly with your kids in public & people just think you're an amazing parent for being so fun. But what people don't know is the person can naturally be that silly & fun-loving without being with the kids."

"Went to a wedding recently, and I danced with my 7yo for like 2 hours. We had a blast!"

3. Affection on demand

"Hugs and kisses almost any time you need one."

"My almost 5-year-old loves the love attacks. He'll be doing something only to get peppered with kisses all over his head. 'Silly mommy. I love you,' is what I get."


son, daughter, hugs, happy mom, mom and daughter, mom and son A son and daughter huigging their mom. via Canva/Photos

4. You're 'tired'

"You’re allowed to be a little antisocial without it being rude because everyone assumes you’re tired."

5. Baby wipes

"Always having a baby wipe in my bag when I spill my own food or drink."

"I'm still carrying wipes even my child is 10. If she is not with me. I still have wipes with me."

6. Social opportunities

"For me, as a fairly social person, just her giving me opportunities to interact with other people when I'm out and about more than I otherwise would. My daughter is only 1, so she only has a few words that she says, but she says 'hi' very clearly, with a wave, and will say hi and wave to literally anyone and everyone, and virtually everyone responds very positively. And there's always just kind of an instant rapport with other parents that you meet in your day-to-day, where it's like, I have no idea if we have anything else in common, but this one important thing is something we share. So even when the kids aren't there, say in my running group, for example, all the moms kind of have this unspoken bond that we wouldn't otherwise have."

7. They improve your organizing skills

"If you're not the most organized person, having to provide structure to another person's life will more or less force you into place, or at least that is my experience. I know where I need to be before 9 AM and before 5 PM, and everything I must do alone on a weekday best be done during those times, and to Tetris my schedule goes lol."

"This is exactly what I'm talking about. Never thought such a good thing would be a consequence of one of the wildest times of your life, parenthood. It's crazy."


8. Cup holders

"Always having cupholders everywhere you go if you're using a stroller."

"Whenever we go back to Disneyland, I miss having a stroller so much. Disneyland with a stroller was such a great way to enjoy the park...places for our drinks, bag clips so I didn't have to lug a bag on my shoulders, the kids could cruise around and just nod off if they got tired without having to complain that their feet/legs were tired from all the walking. So many great benefits."

9. Video games

"I have a (moderately controlling) go-to video game buddy!"

"I got to introduce them to my favorite games and play along with them. There’s a lot of really good kid games we’ve played that I wouldn’t have gotten to play otherwise."

10. Free fruit

"Free fruit in the grocery store. In my country, they leave out bins of free fruit for children. No limit on how much you can take. I always grab a small bag's worth of apples, pears, or oranges for my son. Saves money and he gets fresh fruit."


boy and girl, supermarket, fruit, cherries, limes, grapes Children grabbing fruit at the market.via Canva/Photos

11. Airport line

"Faster line at a lot of airports, especially if you travel internationally/outside US."

"Just experienced this flying into Nice, France. Dreadfully hot day, long line and then! Children’s line. So lovely."

12. Ending negative cycles

"Drawing the line with toxic people got so much easier."

"I’ve been chasing my dad for 30+ years, trying to get his attention. Had my baby, and he showed up for the first 3ish months, then squeaky tank noises. Hell, if that didn’t infuriate me. I couldn’t do it for myself, but I’ll be fcking had if I let my baby grow up wondering why “papaw” doesn’t come around for him. I’m so sorry bub, your grandpa (my FIL, not my dad) passed away. I wish you could’ve known him, he would have loved you so much."

13. A sense of purpose

"Having a deep feeling of purpose in life. I don’t know if other people expect to get this feeling, but I didn’t. It makes me have a much easier time finding meaning in doing chores and going to work and trying to keep myself healthy."

"I second this. I have lived a pretty wild life tramping around the world. Nothing, and I mean nothing, in the thousands of experiences I have had compare to the meaning I get from being a dad."

14. Joy of Christmas

"Christmas being Christmas again. The joy and traditions all come back full force."


15. Free labor

"I was not expecting how strong my son would become after entering puberty. Last summer, he helped carry so many of our moving boxes. The whole process was a lot less stressful just on the sheer labor he contributed."

16. Brain development

"I felt like I had a lot of new brain pathways after our kids were born. And I find there's a lot I can learn from them."

"So true!"

17. The joy they bring others

"Though my kid drives me CRAZY. Seeing the joy he brings to other people. His smile just lights up everyone's face. Its such a gift that I forget when he's on his 10th meltdown for the day."

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