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13 common phrases that make people cringe (and what to say instead)

“Few things shut down a conversation faster than this one.”

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When honesty isn't always the best policy.

Ah, the awkward silence. We all pretend not to notice it—suddenly stretching our arms or scanning every corner of the room—but it's there. Sometimes it stems from something we've said, and often we don't even know why! Given how people come from such different backgrounds and upbringings, these conversational missteps are practically inevitable.

But don't worry! A touch of social anxiety never hurt anyone, and usually the solution is as simple as adjusting your phrasing. Etiquette experts and social skills coaches agree that despite our differences, certain specific phrases universally come across as tone-deaf, even when we're genuinely trying to connect. We've rounded up 13 of the worst offenders—do you catch yourself using any of these?


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“I’m just being honest”

Honesty may be a virtue, but not when it’s used like this. When someone says, “I’m just being honest,” it’s typically to justify bluntness or insensitivity, therefore absolving them of any guilt or shame from the resulting hurt feelings.

Use this instead: “Can I offer some feedback?” or “I want to be honest with you, but I also want to be kind.”

“No offense, but…”

Stop right there, buddy. With a preface like that, it’s pretty darn likely that the following sentence will be offensive. “It rarely works and often insults people,” personal and corporate life coach, Mason Farmani, warns.

Use this instead: “I hope you don’t mind me saying,” or “I’m really sorry if this comes across as rude, but…”


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You’re too sensitive.

This sentence is a one-way ticket to an emotional connection dead zone. Even if they are a sensitive person, it communicates that their feelings are invalid, and can make them feel even more alienated.

Use this instead: “I’m here for you.”

“Whatever.”

“This dismissive phrase is a conversational version of the middle finger,” Farmani says.

Use this instead: Words that reflect how you actually feel.

‘Whatever,’ what a versatile word! Depending on the context, try throwing one of these out instead:

  • “Let’s agree to disagree.”
  • “I’m not sure how to respond to this right now. Can we take a pause?”
  • “I hear what you’re saying.”
  • “I don’t feel strongly either way—what do you think is best?”

gnome, sign, whatever, go away, social skillsWith “whatever,” you might as well be saying “Go away.” Photo by John Bussell on Unsplash

“Calm down.”

Genuine question: has this ever worked on anyone? “Rare is the person who is actually made more calm when told to 'calm down,’” explains Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert and co-host of the weekly podcast Were You Raised By Wolves?

Use this instead: “Take your time. I’m here when you're ready.”

“You always…” or “You never…”

These words are conversation poison because they’re disproportionate generalizations. “They put the other on the defensive and start a confrontation,” reports Farmani.

Use this instead: An ‘I’ statement.

Instead of saying “You never help me,” shift to your experience and the impact of that lack of assistance to, “I felt overwhelmed this morning when I was making the kids' breakfast by myself. I’d love some help before work.”

Be specific, assertive (but kind), and show empathy.


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“I told you so.”

Congrats, do you want a cookie? Saying this serves no purpose, besides making yourself feel superior. It adds nothing to the conversation and makes the other person feel even worse—like you’re running a victory lap around their mistake.

Use this instead: “I’m here if you want to talk about what happened.”

“Not my problem.”

This is a lack of empathy slap in the face! Even if something isn’t your responsibility, there are more considerate ways to communicate that.

Use this instead: “That sounds tough. Have you tried [RESOURCE] or [SUGGESTION]?”

Or, if you’re open to hearing what’s on their mind: “I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. Is there a specific way I can support you?”

people, couch, arms crossed, mad, argumentJust because it's technically not your problem, you might be creating a brand-new one. Photo credit: Canva

“You wouldn’t understand.”

Saying this creates an instant, impenetrable, icy barrier between you and the other person. Few strings of words shut down a conversation like this one, because of how dismissed the other person feels as a result.

Use this instead: “Have you ever felt [describe a relatable emotion or situation]? It’s something like that.”

“Actually…”

In grammar, ‘actually’ serves a contradiction or correction, which can make the other person feel demeaned. “The primary goal in social interaction is to be understood by fellow conversation participants. If that is accomplished, it should not matter what the exact phonetics and syntax of the speech are,” writes Benjamin Davis of The Michigan Daily.

Use this instead: “That’s an interesting point. I see it a bit differently—do you mind if I share?”

Or, if it’s just a simple correction: “In my understanding…”


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“I don’t care.”

Even if it’s true, do you have to say it so dismissively? Being on the receiving end of this can feel disheartening. Or, as one social communications expert put it, “It’s a phrase that can immediately create distance and a sense of disconnection in a conversation.”

Use this instead:

There are many ways to not care, and things to not care about. So, try these:

  • “I’m flexible.”
  • “I’m good with whatever you choose.”
  • “No preference here.”
  • “Sounds like you’re [INSERT EMOTION]. Thanks for sharing that with me.”

“That’s stupid.”

Well…now what? Where can a productive conversation possibly go after a statement like this?

Use this instead: “I’m not sure if I understand. Can you walk me through your thinking?”

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“Why are you being so dramatic?”

“This is a way of invalidating your feelings and treating them as a defect rather than a perfectly normal part of communicating,” Farmani explains.

Use this instead: “Is there something specific that’s making this feel especially hard right now?” Even if they may seem extreme, instead of labeling their actions as "dramatic," try to understand what’s going on behind the scenes and driving that emotional response.


Human empathy is at the core of social skills. To get better at conversations, it’s best to avoid phrases that dismiss, belittle, or invalidate others—whether that was your intention or not.

“How we speak shapes how others see us,” as one expert puts it. “A little extra care with our words can mean the difference between connection and conflict.” So, in your very next conversation, keep in mind: it’s not just about what you say, but how you say it. There are ways to be truthful about your thoughts and opinions without being dismissive. And leave these 13 phrases at home, please!

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Culture

Even you can read 50 books a year with these 4 proven tactics for every type of reader

“You know those hours that most people watch TV? That’s when I’m in my chair reading.”

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Let's get page turning, people.

Everyone says they "want" to read more, yet when free time arrives, suddenly everything else seems more appealing—playing Solitaire on your phone (with ads, ugh), watching a half-interesting TV series, or scrolling social media for hours. Ernest Hemingway once said, "There is no friend as loyal as a book." Despite this truth, Pew Research found that in 2021, roughly a quarter of American adults (23%) hadn't read a single book in over a year.

For some reason, it’s becoming harder to read. Which is why a person on the subreddit, r/books posed the following question:


reading, audiobooks, books, reddit, schedule“For those that read 50+ books a year, what is your reading schedule?” they implore.Screenshot, Reddit

During vacation, the OP became unexpectedly absorbed in a book. "The experience was different from how I remember it. I lost track of time," they write. This rekindled their love of reading.

“I love the fact that I am reading a little every day. I love that I am losing myself. Previously a part of me know I was reading and it was a struggle,” they share. “But I’ve been reading for 3-4 days and I have only read about 100 pages.”

They turned to the Internet for help, seeking general tips and insights into other people's reading processes. But reading habits aren't one-size-fits-all. They're deeply personal, reflecting our lifestyle, personality, and values in surprisingly profound ways. That's why we've identified four distinct tactics for reading 50+ books per year, each tailored to a specific personality type.

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Why aim for 50+ books? Data analyst Alex Birkett explains it best in a 2015 blog post: "I like the number 50. It's about one book per week. It's a good round number, and it sounds impressive (better than 30, or even 40)."

Plus, if you're reading 200-page books (roughly the length of Animal Farm, Fahrenheit 451, or The Great Gatsby), by the end of the year, you'll have read approximately 10,000 pages. And as Birkett puts it, "10,000 pages equal a lot of words, and some of those words are going to help you out."

METHOD #1: For people who love using project management software outside of work

For Reagan Rose, reading 50+ books in a year wasn't about "finding the right time"—he needed to find the right software. "At first, I tried using Goodreads to track my reading, but I just couldn't get into it," he explains on his blog, Redeeming Productivity. "So instead, I put the goal in my Notion goal tracker. Each time I finished a book, I added it to a numbered list. Seeing the number go up encouraged me to keep going." He also checked what week of the year it was to quickly gauge his overall progress.

notion, schedule, reading, productivity, booksTracking his progress helped Rose read more. Credit: Reagan Rose from Redeeming Productivity

METHOD 2: For number-crunchers

College professor John Spencer breaks down the math for us on his blog: “Most people read somewhere between 200-250 words per minute. Let’s go on the safe side and go with 200 words per minute,” he writes. “Most books are around 50,000 words. So, each book takes about 250 minutes to read. So, that’s 12,500 minutes. If we assume you are reading around 357 days a year, then that puts you at about 35 minutes per day. If you read at a faster pace (250 words per minute) you’ll end up closer to 27 or 28 minutes per day.”

From there, he gets even more granular, presenting two models for achieving this level of reading per day:

“One approach would be to carve out 35 minutes per day for reading. It might be your lunch break or it might be an activity you do to unwind each evening,” he writes. “Or you might take two 20-minute chunks and devote them to reading. You could even put those times on your calendar and treat them like meetings. This approach allows you to get into the flow of reading and spend time with more focused concentration on the text.”

reading, graphic, books, productivity, trackingSpencer's plan for reading 50+ books in a year. Credit: John Spencer


METHOD #3: For people who don’t want to make this complicated

Over the past three years, writer and editor Rebecca Deczynski has read 174 books and counting—while balancing a full-time job and a social life. Her advice isn’t fancy, just three simple guidelines:

  1. Diversify your selection, both in length and genre.
  2. Stick to one book at a time.
  3. Get a strong head start. “I’ve found that getting through as many pages as possible in your first reading session makes it helpful to get into the story and finish reading faster,” she writes. “For example, if a book is 250 pages long, I’ll try to read, ideally, at least 40 pages the first time I sit down with it. This helps me invest in the story so that the next time I pick it up, I feel more propelled toward its finish.”

woman, reading, books, lifestyle, goalsSometimes, the simplest solution is best. Photo credit: Canva


METHOD #4: For social butterflies

If you’re the type of person who craves reading for the social element it can bring, Janssen Bradshaw from every-dayreading recommends Goodreads, writing: “You might use it a LOT and be very active on the platform and very social, or you might use it for a very specific single purpose like tracking your books you’ve read, following specific authors you love, or managing your To-Be-Read list. There’s no one right way to do it!” The platform lets you catalog books, share reviews, and connect with friends to see what they're reading. Signing up could be the perfect way to launch your 50+ book journey.

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Reading 50+ books in a year may feel insurmountable at first, but sometimes all you need is a little inspiration. With these four different approaches, you can start building your own toolkit for a reading-focused lifestyle.

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Health

Science confirms viral theory about inheriting your mom's nervous system—and it explains a lot

“My mom really said, ‘Double it and give it to the next person.’”

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Mother struggling to comfort her child.

Think about the last time your mom—whom you love and cherish—handled a situation poorly. Maybe she lost her temper while waiting to "speak to a representative" on the phone, or raised her voice in a moment that didn't warrant it. To be clear, mothers are not the only ones who lose their cool (we'll save analyzing your other family members' questionable behaviors for another time). But since they contribute 50% of our DNA, their unique responses to stress—their triggers, defense mechanisms, and attempts at self-soothing—deserve a second look. Because, as hoards of people on TikTok are now discovering, we inherit far more than just eye color and a winning smile from our moms.

Thanks to a viral video posted by TikTok user @sierraalexndraa (also known as Sierra Saltz, a chronic illness advocate and content creator who uses her platform to explore the connections between health, energy, and intentional living), people are discovering the complex, surprising world of genetic inheritance. The post, which has garnered 15 million views and 2.4 million likes, has sparked intense discussions about passed-on family traits, inherited emotional regulation, and that maybe, we really have no choice but to turn into our mothers.


@sierralexandraa Did you know we inherit our mothers nervous system. #creatorsearchinsights #nervoussystemregulation #neuroception #epigenetics #neurospicy #fyp ♬ original sound - sierra

"Did you know that you didn't just inherit your mom's genes, you inherited her nervous system, too?" Sierra asks. "From the moment we're in the womb, we're absorbing our mother's emotional state, her stress levels, and even the way she regulates her own nervous system."

The news shocked the Internet, with comments ranging from vulnerable ("You forgot to hold my hand 🥺," wrote one person) to outright denial ("Great, thank you, wish it didn't, moving on," replied another).

But the most common response? "Well, this explains a lot…"


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But is Sierra’s claim really true? Do we really inherit our mother’s nervous system? There was only one way to find out: We turned to science to try to explain this phenomenon. Here’s what we found.


The science behind “inheriting your mother’s nervous system”

Mitochondria tells the story. Yes, you inherit your mom’s nervous system—and your dad’s, too, don't forget. “It’s one of the basic tenets of biology: We get our DNA from our mom and our dad,” explains medical science writer Lisa Marshall. “But one notable exception has perplexed scientists for decades.”

It’s the mitochondria, the famed “powerhouse of the cell.”


mothers, science, mitochondria, genetics, nervous systemThe mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Photo credit: Canva

Humans, along with most animals, only inherit mitochondrial DNA from their mothers—the result of a strange anomaly in the procreation cycle, as “all traces” of the male mitochondrial genome are obliterated the moment the sperm meets egg.

Why is this important? Well, it turns out that mitochondria are involved in almost every aspect of the human body. “The nervous system cannot possibly function without the mitochondria,” explain Dutch psychological scientist Peter Kramer and research scientist Paola Bressan in the research article titled “Our (Mother’s) Mitochondria and Our Mind.”

Besides providing our bodies with energy, these specialized powerhouses also regulate calcium in neurons, ensures synapse formation and the creation of new neurons, and maintains the delicate balance between cell survival and programmed cell death (apoptosis). Which might sound like a bunch of A.P. Biology buzzwords shoved together, for those not in the medical field.

But just imagine the humble mitochondria, working overtime to make sure everything’s in order: that our senses work, our motive skills are up-to-code, memories are created, and hormones are properly released. Unbeknownst to most, the mitochondria in our bodies are taking care of us. Almost like… a mom.


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But when things go haywire, a bunch of problems tend to follow. “A place where mitochondrial trouble occurs frequently is the brain,” writes Kramer and Bressan. So, “it is hardly accidental that their malfunctioning has been associated with virtually every mental or neurological affliction on earth, including chronic psychological stress and fatigue, cognitive deficits, Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, autism, multiple sclerosis, and Down syndrome.”

It’s not just genetics. Beyond the cellular level, a child’s ability to tolerate stress and self-soothe begins in the womb. Research suggests that chronic maternal stress experienced during pregnancy isn't just felt by the mom, but her baby as well—potentially wreaking havoc on the child’s stress-response systems before they're even born, which could lead to future psychological complexes around relaxation and emotional equilibrium.

There’s a unique mother-daughter connection, too. A groundbreaking UC San Francisco study found that the corticolimbic system—a fancy term for the part of the brain that’s in charge of emotional regulation and is often linked with mood disorders—is “more likely to be passed down from mothers to daughters” than to sons.


There’s no need to panic

While there's a clear connection between your nervous system and your mom's, it's important to understand that this isn't the complete story. As Dr. Fumiko Hoeft, a UCSF associate professor of psychiatry who led that groundbreaking study, stresses, "The finding does not mean that mothers are necessarily responsible for their daughters' depression. Many factors play a role in depression—genes that are not inherited from the mother, social environment and life experiences, to name only three. Mother-daughter transmission is just one piece of it."


mothers, science, mitochondria, genetics, nervous systemA pregnant mother taking a deep breath.Photo credit: Canva

Also, give your mom some credit! “We are more likely to inherit the good and the bad parts of our mother’s nervous system,” Dr. Natalie Jones, a licensed psychotherapist, says. “If your mother is calm, nurturing, and manages stress well, chances are you are likely to manage things in a similar fashion.”


Inheritance does not equal destiny

The mitochondria given to you at birth are just that—nothing more. Even nervous systems can be rewired (once you're out of the womb, that is). Through engaging in neuroplasticity-boosting activities daily, like physical exercise, learning new skills (hello, Duolingo), and mind-body techniques like yoga and meditation that lower stress hormones, your nervous system can be profoundly reshaped. Your mitochondria will thank you.

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Mental Health

‘Quiet cracking’: The silent crisis impacting half of all workers

And how to turn everything around.

Photo credit: Canva

What to do when that inner spark inside you feels like it's fading away.

Why do you feel unmotivated? The answer isn't always clear. Could it be your diet, sleep, a lack of time with friends, not drinking enough water, or some mysterious combination? Sometimes, low motivation manifests as mindlessly scrolling on your phone or struggling to focus after lunch. But sometimes, it runs deeper than that. Ask yourself: Have you ever felt your work energy slowly draining, yet couldn't identify why? You're still capable of basic tasks. You show up on time and complete your work adequately—no one else notices anything wrong. But that inner spark that once drove you—the one that used to burn so bright—flickers and dims with each passing day. You start to feel just like this famous GIF from The Simpsons.

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You're not alone. There's a name for what you're experiencing—it's called “quiet cracking”—and according to recent research from TalentLMS, a staggering 54% of employees feel this same squeeze, as if someone is slowly dimming their inner light. Unlike “quiet quitting,” where employees consciously choose to do only what their job requires—nothing more, nothing less—quiet cracking is far more subtle and sneaky. It's not a deliberate choice, but rather a gradual erosion of job satisfaction that happens so silently, you might not even notice the cracks forming. But here's the good news: once you recognize it, you can identify the causes and find the right solution to piece yourself back together. Your unique spark isn't gone forever—it's just waiting to shine again.

What is quiet cracking, exactly?

Think of a slow leak in a tire. At first, everything seems normal—the tire functions and gets you where you need to go. But gradually, that tiny leak deflates the tire until one day you realize you’ve been driving around all this time with a flat. No wonder it’s been so hard. Quiet cracking works the same way with your workplace satisfaction. Quiet cracking is the leak in the tire that is your workplace satisfaction. Or, as the researchers at TalentLMS put it, quiet cracking is “the erosion of workplace satisfaction from within.”

stress, overwork, quiet cracking, employees, dissatisfactionQuiet cracking and burnout are different. Photo credit: Canva

Unlike burnout or quiet quitting, quiet cracking differs from other workplace issues because its symptoms are hard to spot. It's slow, gradual nature silently chips away at your self-worth and motivation. This erosion of motivation, workplace engagement, and well-being can leave you feeling confused, stuck, unheard, and unsure about your future.

For employers who might dismissively ask “Who cares?”, the answer is clear: quiet cracking has been shown to follow a predictable pattern—disengagement leads to decreased productivity, which ultimately results in resignation. Gallup reports that disengaged employees cost the global economy $8.8 trillion annually (nearly 9% of total GDP) due to workplace unhappiness. What was once an individual concern becomes a significant organizational issue—and failure.



7 common causes of quiet cracking

  1. Lack of recognition and appreciation: Like the clip from The Devil Wears Prada demonstrates, when your contributions consistently go unnoticed, motivation begins to slink away. You might work late on projects and pour your heart into your work, yet receive not even a simple “Thank you.” And while employees aren't seeking constant praise, research shows that those experiencing quiet cracking are 68% less likely to feel valued and recognized at work compared to their peers—meaning they need something.
  2. Insufficient training and development: Research shows that employees who haven't received training in the past year are 140% more likely to feel insecure about their jobs. When the company you dedicate 40+ hours to each week shows no interest in your professional development, your motivation begins to wither. Being asked to adapt to new technologies or processes—whether it's learning new task management software or adjusting to increased office time—without proper training is like being thrown into deep water without swimming lessons. Soon, anxiety and confusion spiral, making your entire work life feel overwhelming.
  3. Managers who can't connect and poor communication: Nearly half (47%) of employees experiencing quiet cracking report having managers who are unresponsive and inattentive to their concerns. When these employees vulnerably share their struggles or ideas, they're met with managers who are constantly distracted, dismissive, or unreachable. The crack begins to widen into a chasm.
  4. Unclear expectations: 15% of employees say they don't clearly understand what's expected of them. In today's rapidly changing, AI-adapted workplace, this confusion only makes things worse.
  5. Overwhelming workloads and mounting stress: One of the top three concerns that drive job insecurity is overwork. With 29% of workers reporting unmanageable workloads, it's no wonder that many employees are quietly cracking under the pressure.
  6. Career uncertainty: While 82% of employees feel secure in their current positions, only 62% feel confident about their future at their company. This 20-point gap reveals a profound disconnect: employees are questioning, “Where do I fit in the company's future?” When they can't find an answer, quiet cracking sets in—and motivation vanishes.
  7. Fear and isolation around change: It's a rapidly changing world. A Pew Research survey found that 52% of workers worry about AI's impact on their jobs, while another 32% fear reduced employment opportunities. When change feels more threatening than exciting—and you're facing it alone—that fear gradually corrodes your confidence.

stress, overwork, quiet cracking, employees, dissatisfactionLuckily, quiet cracking is fixable. Photo credit: Canva

How to fix quiet cracking

The good news? Quiet cracking is preventable—and fixable—with the right mindset and approach from management. First, establish what experts call “psychological safety” at work: an environment where people feel comfortable sharing concerns without fear of judgment. This means ensuring they feel truly heard. When a team member opens up to you, give them your complete attention—yes, it's fine to ignore Slack or Teams for a few minutes, we promise—and listen actively to what they're saying.

Recognition doesn't need to be expensive or elaborate. Adults don't expect you to pin their photo to a wall or offer praise without meaning. A simple “nice work” or “I noticed the extra work you put into that report” can make a significant impact. Make appreciation a daily habit rather than a special occasion. For workplace growth, invest in continuous learning opportunities—even brief 15 to 20-minute sessions—regardless of whether some employees say they “don't need them."


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If you're personally experiencing quiet cracking and aren't sure how to discuss it, schedule a one-on-one meeting with your supervisor to share your feelings. If you don't have that kind of relationship with your supervisor or don't feel comfortable having this conversation, you can share this article or the original TalentLMS study—it explains why employees experience these feelings and offers constructive steps for managers, all while maintaining a blame-free approach.

Because as Nikhil Arora, CEO of Epignosis, the parent company of TalentLMS, reminds,

“Quiet Cracking may not be obvious at first, but over time it can wear down team energy, connection, and trust. But the solution isn’t complicated. When people feel stuck, unheard, or unsure about their future, that’s when disengagement creeps in. Giving employees space to grow—through learning, skilling, and real conversations—is one of the most powerful ways to turn things around. It not only shows people they matter, but helps them rediscover a sense of purpose and forward momentum, something we all seek at work and in life.”

Yes, quiet cracking affects many of us right now—but there's hope. By being more aware and understanding of each other's struggles, we can create workplaces where everyone feels valued and excited to contribute. The power to make positive change is in our hands.

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