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People discuss brutally honest reasons why so many Boomer grandparents seem to be hands-off

"They were also pretty hands off as parents, too."

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People offer their theories on why Boomer grandparents are more absent.

Boomer grandparents have recently come under fire by their Millennial children for how they grandparent. Many Millennials have opened up online about their parents' less-than-stellar help with grandkids and their overall absence.

In a Reddit forum discussing the differences between generations, user @No_Language_423 posed the question: "Why are so many Boomer grandparents hands-off?" They went on to add, "Genuinely curious about this. Why is it that so many Boomer grandparents seem completely uninterested in being involved or helping out with their grandkids in a real, consistent way?"

In a further explanation, they added, "From what I’ve seen and heard, a lot of Boomers actually did have active, supportive parents when they were raising their own kids. Their moms would babysit, cook, or even move nearby to help out. But now, when Millennials become parents and hope for that same kind of support, it’s like even asking is seen as too much. Some even act insulted by the idea."

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However, they also noted this description of Boomer grandparents can't be generalized. They added, "Of course, there are outliers. I’m not talking about the people who comment, 'Well I help my kids all the time.' That’s great, but I’m noticing a pattern, not isolated cases. There seems to be a broader generational vibe around this. It doesn’t feel like a case-by-case thing, it feels like a shift in attitude."

They ended their post with more pondering thoughts. "At the same time, I hear a lot of Millennial parents saying they already plan to be very involved grandparents someday. So what changed? Is it a cultural shift? A difference in how retirement is viewed? Or maybe Boomers didn’t get as much help as we assume? Curious to hear what others think, especially from people who’ve experienced this dynamic firsthand."

Many people chimed in with their thoughts and firsthand experience as to why Boomer grandparents seem to be hands-off. These are 15 of the most compelling responses.

boomer, boomers, boomer grandparents, grandparents, boomer grandkidsOld Lady Reaction GIFGiphy

"The parents of boomers didn’t call their kids boomers; they called them the ME generation. Because it was all about them. They’re the ME generation." —@BEniceBAGECKA

"They were also pretty hands off as parents, too."—@ azulsonador0309

"Their moms were 23 when they had kids. Their kids were 23 when they had kids. Grandma was 46. Today’s grandmas are in their sixties. They have a hard time getting through the day without their own naps." —@Ok_Membership7264

"My theory is that it's related to people having kids later in life. The grandparents are older on average." —@nineoctopii

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"It's because they had children because 'that's what's done,' not because they actually wanted them. Now that they're 'free,' they aren't going to give that up for anything. Notice how they are also distant with their own kids. It's not like they're interested in their kids, but not the grandkids. They want nothing to do with any of it." —@ExcellentCold7354

"I'm 56. Most 56 year olds these days still have full time jobs and other responsibilities to where babysitting and moving are not viable options." —@shammy_dammy

"Have you met Gen X? They were feral kids for a reason. The boomers could barely be bothered to raise their own children. They certainly aren't going to be stepping up for the grandkids." —@gwenkane404

anxious parent, millennial parent, high maintenance parenting, parent, millennial parentsMy Baby No GIF by CBeebies HQGiphy

"Millennials have also changed. Every time I offer to help, I get a scroll of instructions, gluten-free snacks, feelings charts, and nap negotiations that last longer than peace talks. Any small deviation is treated like trauma. It’s exhausting." —@Revolutionary-Buy655

"I'm a millennial with Boomer parents. My parents were pretty hands off when I was a child, so it's not surprising they were hands-off with their grandchildren. My parents dropped me off with my grandparents for weekends so frequently that I had my own bedroom there. I plan to be an involved grandparent because I value the relationship I had with my own grandparents so much. I feel sorry for the Boomers. They don't realize how much they are missing out on by focusing on themselves." —@CandidateNo2731

"They were sold the idea of retirement their entire lives. And now they feel entitled to that instead of adjusting with the times. They’re loss, historically." —@rollbackprices

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"I think part of the answer is because a lot of them didn’t really want to have kids in the first place. But back then it’s just what you did. You got married at 20 and started popping out babies shortly after. If you didn’t, you were an abomination to the family." —@Screamcheese99

"We are older than the previous generation's grandparents. Believe it. Being 60+ and trying to care for toddlers is hard! Also, despite our experience and knowledge, we are often given ridiculous instructions and rules to follow by our own children, along with lists of likes/dislikes to adhere to. They expect entertainment in ways we are just not able to provide. Personal example from my attempt at babysitting my grandchild: I literally have not moved the car seat, that she installed, even an inch, but my DIL huffs, sighs, makes comments when getting her out of it. I am nice enough to drive her to her job to shorten their commute home, but I even do that wrong. So, forget it. I tried." —@TXteachr2018

"I think its because we live so far away from each other." —@Apprehensive_Pie_105

worlds apart, far away, long distance, live far apart, distantcould not be more different long distance GIF by Jay SprogellGiphy

"Hmm. I feel like the sense of community is gone. Starting with the Boomers in my family they emigrated to the US and scattered away from each other. States away from each other they had no support system and worked themselves ragged. There wasn’t really a village to help raise a child. Now that they are retired it’s like having a second chance at life and they don’t want to spend it watching kids. They want to pursue their hobbies and relax which I honestly don’t blame them." —@KorraNHaru

"Many Boomers (not all! so don't come for me lol) have deep, untreated trauma and mental health issues. Many are even very detached from their own existences at this point. Narcissistic traits are common among them, which is based in deep self-loathing. I think deep down a lot of them feel ashamed of how they raised their kids and don't want to mess up their grandkids as well." —@Arysta

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Culture

The 14 ways Gen Z aligns itself more with older boomers than millennials

They may have different values, but they share other things in common.

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Gen Z compares themselves more to Boomers than Millennials.

Generation Z (those born between 1997 and 2012) was described by Stanford University scholar Roberta Katz as "typically self-driven, collaborative, and diverse-minded. They value flexibility, authenticity, and a pragmatic approach to addressing problems." And according to Gen Zers themselves, they are finding that they have more in common with their Boomer elders than Millennials.

In an online forum discussing the similarities and differences that Gen Z has to Boomers and Millennials, member @Karma_Circus shared their thoughts: "There’s obviously a difference in values, but in terms of attitude, behavior, and general vibe, Gen Z actually shares more with Boomers than they do with Millennials," they wrote, before sharing similarities they noted between them.

They gave a strong argument, and added," I’m obviously not saying all Gen Z or Boomers as individuals are the same. But taking the tropes, clichés, and general vibe you get from each generation… if you strip away the aesthetics and politics, Gen Z sometimes feels like Boomer 2.0. Just younger, sassier and with better skincare routines."

boomers, generation z, millennials, millennial, generational differencesPodcast Difference GIF by Digital PratikGiphy

Many Gen Zers agreed, adding their two cents about why they think they have more in common with Boomers than Millennials. Here are 14 reasons Gen Z feels more similar to Boomers than Millennials.

"They’re kind of isolationist. Gen Z seems more withdrawn. They value alone time and don’t love socializing outside their comfort zone." —@Karma_Circus

"Neither are great at emotional communication in person. Gen Z often struggles to express feelings face-to-face. They shut down or avoid important conversations entirely. Kinda Boomer-ish, right? Different reasons, similar result." —@Karma_Circus

"Rigid belief systems. Gen Z tends to adopt strong, black-and-white views—much like Boomers clinging to fixed worldviews. There’s less room for nuance or gray areas." —@Karma_Circus

boomer, boomers, baby boomers, boomer generation, generation boomerBaby Boomers Boomer GIF by MOODMANGiphy

"Both love secondhand outrage. There’s a shared grumpiness. Gen Z gets fired up over stuff that doesn’t affect them directly. Boomers did the same - just with a different set of values." —@Karma_Circus

"Societal rule enforcement. Gen Z is big on calling people out for breaking unspoken social rules. Boomers loved rules too - just old-school ones. And this really shows up on social media." —@Karma_Circus

"Chronically online. Boomers are Facebook addicts, Gen Z are TikTok addicts. Different platforms, same result: constant outrage and a worldview shaped by the algorithm." —@Karma_Circus

tiktok, tiktok dance, dance, dance moves, choreographyTik Tok Dancing GIF by Entertainment GIFsGiphy

"Both think Millennials are cringey. Boomers and Gen Z hate looking stupid. Millennials didn’t have that luxury - they grew up online, testing boundaries to figure out what was 'too far.' Gen Z is way more self-aware and peer-policed, so they play it safe. Boomers just call this 'dignity.'" —@Karma_Circus

"That little box exposed us to ideas and worldviews that would otherwise be outside the confines of our city or village. Echo chambers are one point I concur on. If that's because some of Gen Z wants that chamber or if it's due to the algorithm remains to be seen." —@QuintenCK

"Our generation tends to shun anti-social behavior more, and I'm also guilty of doing this deliberately. The difference is that we shun a lot less based on who you are (for example being black, gay etc...) and more because of what your actions are. We like authenticity, good faith attempts and heavily dislike attention seeking and two faced intentions (for example companies appealing to queer people during pride month for solely profit driven motivations, they don't give a f*ck about queer people)." —@QuintenCK

"Boomers now and boomers in their youth are completely different. The Boomers had the summer of love, anti Vietnam protests, cultural revolution and civil rights movement. Unfortunately as they settled down in their 40’s and 50’s they were captured by media and turned back into the squares they used to fight against. Gen Z is similarly being manipulated by social media algorithms which tend to skew toward outrage and more and more right leaning ideals." —@gwdope

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"If anything, you could consider gen z boomers 2.0, except with memes and anxiety and without the real estate. Similar behaviors can have different motivations, which changes how we interpret them."—@ kfijatass

"Well, there's a reason why they are called zoomers." —@euromoneyz

" Gen X just sittin' back watching it all unfold." —@hopelesscaribou

"if you ain't boomin you best be zoomin." —@100fronds

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Pop Culture

Born between 1954 and 1965? You might be thrilled to learn you're not a Boomer. You're 'Gen Jones.'

These not-quite-Gen Xers shares some pretty cool and unique traits.

Photo credits: Michelle Obama, Montclair Film, Georges Biard

Michelle Obama, Stephen Colbert and Michelle Yeoh are all Gen Jonesers.

The Silent Generation. Baby boomers. Gen X. Millennials. Gen Z. Gen Alpha. Social science and pop culture commentators have spent decades grouping and analyzing the different generations, assigning various qualities, habits and tendencies to each age group. But some people don’t identify with their generation, or at least these particular categories of them. Those on the cusp between two generations often feel like neither aligns with who they are..

That’s where Generation Jones comes in.

Like the Xennials that straddle Gen X and millennials, Generation Jones are not quite boomers but not quite Gen X. For most of their lives, those born between 1954 and 1965 have been lumped in with the baby boomers, but culturally they’ve never quite fit.

generation jones, boomers, gen x, generational humor, best generationKeanu Reeves is a Gen Joneser. That's how you know it's the best generation. media4.giphy.com

They were too young to be involved in the major civil rights, women’s liberation and Vietnam war movements of the 60s, instead witnessing those social upheavals through children’s eyes. But they were also too old to identify with the Gen X latchkey kid angst.

Jonathan Pontell is the television producer, director, and writer who named Generation Jones and explained what made them unique. “We fill the space between Woodstock and Lollapalooza, between the Paris student riots and the anti-globalisation protests, and between Dylan going electric and Nirvana going unplugged,” he wrote in Politico in 2009.

He also explained why Gen Jonesers make good leaders:

generation jones, boomers, gen x, generational humor, best generation, generational differences, history“What makes us Jonesers also makes us uniquely positioned to bring about a new era in international affairs."

“What makes us Jonesers also makes us uniquely positioned to bring about a new era in international affairs. Our practical idealism was created by witnessing the often unrealistic idealism of the 1960s. And we weren’t engaged in that era’s ideological battles; we were children playing with toys while Boomers argued over issues. Our non-ideological pragmatism allows us to resolve intra-Boomer skirmishes and to bridge that volatile Boomer-GenXer divide. We can lead.”

Many Generation Jonesers have never felt like they had a generational home and are thrilled to learn they actually do have one. Check out how Upworthy readers responded with glee upon discovering they were a part of Gen Jones:

"Thank you! As a definite Gen Jones, I completely relate to this. Too young to be a hippy, therefore was never a yuppy, but too old to be Gen X. Gen Jones works just fine."

generation jones, boomers, gen x, generational humor, best generation, generational differences, historyIt's nice to finally belong. Upworthy Facebook

"I have said for decades that I must be a transitional person into Gen X, because I don’t relate to boomers! I appreciate them, but I am not one of them. I am glad someone finally named my generation!"

"There are definite differences between people born in the 1940s/1950s and those of us born in the early 1960s. Most of us born in the early 1960s do not remember the JFK assassination and we were much too young to participate in Woodstock. The older Boomers were already established in their careers and as homeowners with families in the 1980s when we were in our 20s just starting out and ready to buy our first home. While the older Boomers experienced reasonable mortgage interest rates, the early 1960s Boomers faced mortgage interest rates averaging 14 percent in the 1980s which made it more difficult for us to buy our first home. We definitely need an additional group between Boomers and Gen X, and Generation Jones fits the bill."

"I was born 6 days before 1960…. I’ve felt out of touch with a lot of the boomer life descriptions, and not Gen X enough to fit in there. I’ll take Generation Jones."

generation jones, boomers, gen x, generational humor, best generation, generational differences, historyTen points to Gen Jones.Upworthy Facebook

"1957 here, with older siblings born before 1950. I definitely did not have the same experience growing up that they had. I feel I can identify a little with Boomers and a little with the Gen X experience, so there’s some overlap. (BTW, Gen X needs to stop claiming that they’re the first to have experienced all the things we grew up with. Kids, you didn’t invent drinking out of the garden hose or playing outside until the streetlights came on. Sheesh!) Glad to be a Joneser."

"Of course there is a difference between people raised in the 1950’s and people raised and coming of age in the 1960’s and 1970’s. Society changed a lot in those three decades."

"This is my generation but I never knew we had a name! The description fits perfectly."

Congrats on finding your people, Gen Jones. It's your time to shine.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Culture

Gen Xers are comparing themselves to the Silent Generation and the similarities are uncanny

"Very low key, no fuss or drama sorts of people."

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Many people from Generation X are comparing themselves to the Silent Generation.

Generation X, those born between 1965 and 1980, hold a unique place between Baby Boomers and Millennials. But its a previous generation that many are claiming to relate to even more: the Silent Generation.

In an online community of Gen Xers, a member named @bravenewwhorl shared with fellow Gen Xers about the similarities they share with the Silent Generation, those born between 1925 and 1945. "My parents were born before World War Two and my older siblings are younger boomers. Let’s hear it for the Silent Generation who were very much like us; went through the Depression, the war, took care of themselves and knew how to conserve resources," they wrote.

The user when on to add, "For example my mom scraped ALL the butter off the foil wrapper, and used every frying pan and leftover chicken bone as an opportunity to make soup."

chicken soup, sicken bone, soup, hot soup, homemade soupChicken Soup GIFGiphy

The post seemed to resonate with many Gen Xers, who also shared their thoughts and experiences that connect them to the Silent Generation. These are some of the best comments from Gen Xers on why they feel simpatico with the Silent Generation.

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"My parents are Silent Gen. Very low key, no fuss or drama sorts of people." Dark-Empath-

"Mine too. That's basically their defining generational trait -- head down, work, and stay out of the way." stevemm70

"Oh the way my Dad could say nothing so very loudly. There are still things I wouldn't dream of doing now because his silence was so deafening. I am 56." Maleficent_Bit2033

"Mine were born during the war, but same. Extremely frugal and practical. Parents were way into reusing everything and not wasting. My mom still has a drawer full of Ziplock bags and sheets of tinfoil that have been used 10x. My dad drilled into me that social security probably will not be there for our generation, so save save save. Cars are tools, not investments. Drive it into the ground. My Honda is 20 years old, Dad!" Haunting-Berry1999

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"My parents are Silent Generation, and because I was born in the mid 60s, so are the parents of almost everyone I grew up with. I am tired of this narrative that all GenX parents were boomers; that is simply not true, especially for those of us born 1970 or earlier. My parents were always very concerned about economic security, both for themselves and their kids. They transferred that concern to my siblings and myself." Ineffable7980x

"I still put ham bones in the freezer (Great grandma thing) for the soup I never make. Maybe this time :)." motherofguinaepigz

"My parents' parents definitely conserved resources - would wash and reuse 'tin foil', made food carry over into 4 or 5 different meals, shopped wisely, were extremely frugal with money and tried to be financially savvy. For them, cars, clothes, and appliances were maintained and repaired and lasted for years and years. My parents inherited a lot of those traits by example, and it followed down to us, too. Cars, clothes, and appliances aren't made today the way they were 'back then', of course, but we still try to make it work. I know people who change cars, or get new appliances, or even remodel or move to a new house every several years, and that just doesn't make sense to me. I just hope upcoming generations maintain and improve the 'reduce, reuse, recycle' mindset we were taught." DrewHunterTn

reduce, reuse, recycle, frugal, resourcesReduce Climate Change GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy

"My grandparents were Silent Generation. I am young GenX (but still GenX ‘76). I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for my Silent Generation grandparents. They taught me a lot, and I feel more in touch with their generation than I’ve ever felt with Boomers. The boomers were such a let down; not great parents and worse grandparents." kemberflare

"My folks are both silent generation (both born in 41) and I'm a young gen x (born in 75, last of 3), and farm kids to boot. They taught me a lot of important things. You do what you want, but think it through because all actions have consequences. Don't waste money on frivolous stuff, but when you buy something big, buy quality and make it last. Most importantly, while they loved me and thought I was special, the world at large doesn't think about me at all. Also, my mom still washes out ziplock bags. I did not keep that lesson." No_Hedgehog_5406

"Mine are young Silent gen’s, so didn’t know the war strife, but their parents knew how to be frugal, could fix anything, and passed that down through the generations. My parents said they were too old to be hippies, but almost went to Woodstock. My dad got a PhD to stay out of Vietnam. Like others have said, very low key, very private, and didn’t live in the past at all. Compared to my friends’ parents, I wouldn’t trade them for anything else." ZuesMyGoose

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