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Five Gen X values from the ’90s that can save today’s world

We're bringing "whatever" back.

1990s, gen x, '90s values

A mix tape from 1992.

A few weeks ago I came across an article about a kid who watches television at 1.5x speed so he can cram as much viewing in as he can. It seemed that his unquenchable desire to get through shows in the Golden Age of television meant he’d sacrifice the entertainment value of the show just to get to the end.

“Man, this guy would have been crucified in 1993,” I thought.

As a 45-year-old card-carrying member of Generation X (those born between 1965 and 1979), I remembered a time when nobody bragged about the amount of TV they watched. In fact, they bragged about not owning a TV. “I don't watch TV, man,” people would say. “It only exists to sell you stuff.”

This complete reversal on the social acceptance of gluttonous TV viewing made me wonder what happened to the values we were raised on as Gen Xers? We were taught that sincerity was for simpletons, everything corporate is evil, old school is always better than the latest and greatest, authenticity is king, conformity is death and there is nothing worse than being a sell-out or a poser.


Nobody would have ever referred to themselves as an “influencer” in 1991—that’s the definition of a sell-out.

“After writing this book, I’m back in the mindset of ’90s thinking, which is that nothing is worse than selling out,” Chuck Klosterman, author of “The Nineties: A Book,” told Esquire. “Nothing was more embarrassing in the ’90s than trying to convince people to like the thing you made."

Deep inside the heart of almost every Gen Xer is a deep-seated feeling of nihilism. We didn’t trust the corporations that laid off our parents or gutted their pensions in the ’80s. In fact, everything corporate was predatory. We didn’t have a lot of faith in family values because we were the first generation raised by single parents or in daycare. We didn’t care much about politics either. Back in the ’90s, Gen X’s aversion to politics was historic.

Of course, these are all generalities about a generation of nearly about 65 million people, but studies show that there are some definite hallmarks of being a Gen Xer.


According to a generational differences document circulated through the business community, Gen X’s core values are “skepticism,” “fun” and “informality.” They’re described as “self-reliant,” “independent,” “unimpressed with authority” and motivated by “freedom.”

In the young Gen Xer, the culture of the era “instilled a wariness and skepticism, and a kind of ‘figure it out for yourself’ mindset,” Paul Taylor, author of “The Next America: Boomers, Millennials, and the Looming Generational Showdown” told The Washington Post. And with that came a sense “that you don’t have to shine a light on yourself. You’re not the center of the universe.”

But things have changed since the ’90s when Gen X was coming of age. We live in an American culture that is fractured by political partisanship, fueled by a constant culture of outrage, crippled by a preoccupation with technology, plundered by greedy boomers and annoyed by overly sensitive millennials. All of this is happening while we face the greatest challenge of our times, climate change.

The answer to all of these problems is simple: admit that Gen X at one point had it right and if we followed its lead, we could reverse these terrible trends. OK, it might not fix all of our woes, but the way things are going now surely aren’t working. Plus, weren’t the ’90s great?

Also, with hat in hand, I must admit that this message is for Gen Xers as well. Many of us have lost our way by forgetting our disdain for authority and skepticism toward institutions. This is a call for us to remember what we once stood for and to fight back by doing what we do best—staying above the fray.

Gen X, it’s time to strap on your Dr. Martens boots and get back to fighting the “Battle of Who Could Care Less.” It’s time we collectively got our “whatever” back and showed the other generations how powerful dismissiveness can be.

Here are the top five Gen X values that we need to embrace again.

5.  Buying vintage items

Nothing was less hip in the early ’90s than wearing mall clothes. If you had any style you shopped at a thrift store and bought used duds from the ’70s and early ’80s and remixed them into something awesome. If you were into hip-hop or skating you shopped at the surplus store and rocked some super-durable Dickies or Carhartt gear. The mood of the times was totally anti-fashion. These days, we live in a world where fast fashion is killing the environment. By embracing the Gen X value of old-school cool, we can help the planet while looking much more fashionable in the process.

4. Corporate skepticism

In the early 2000s, people fell head-over-heels in love with smartphone technology and social media so quickly that nobody stopped and said, “Hey, wait a minute!” Now, we have a world where kids are depressed, the culture has become divided and nobody talks to each other in public anymore, they just stare at their phones. I can totally understand why young millennials and Luddite boomers would fall for the big-tech ruse, but sadly, Gen X was asleep at the wheel and fell victim, too. The generation that embraced the notion that TV rotted your brain needs to remind everyone to go outside and play in the sunshine or read a book. And if you read a book it should be by Bret Easton Ellis.

3. Just say “whatever”

Two of the most popular Gen X phrases were “whatever” and “talk to the hand (because the face don’t give a damn).” These may seem to be flippant responses but they are the correct way to deal with other people’s nonsense and in 2022, we have to deal with a constant barrage of it.

Somewhere along the way, people forgot that it’s even more powerful to ignore someone than to admit they got under your skin. In the world of social media, we unintentionally amplify the most wretched voices by subtweeting, commenting and liking the posts from the army of grifters fighting for our attention.

We also live in an era where many seem to be addicted to outrage. The quickest way to stop fanning the flames of outrage is with a simple, “whatever.” Like dogs distracted by squirrels, we’ve got our heads on outrage swivels these days. Throwing around the occasional “whatever” gives us the time and energy to focus on the problems that really matter and take action.

These days “whatever” matters more than ever.

2. Bring back snobbery

Good taste used to matter. In the 2000s, millennials decided that people have the right to like what they like and that it’s worse to judge someone’s personal taste than to have bad taste. Gen Xers based their entire personalities on taste and demanded integrity from artists and were rewarded by living in a time of superior films and music. These days, no one listens to new music and we’re stuck in a world dominated by comic book movies because no one stood up and shamed people for liking low-effort culture.

1. ​Political apathy

America’s political divide has calcified over the past decade because more and more people are basing their personal identities on their politics. This has created a culture where the dialog between liberals and conservatives has become a shouting match that only makes people dig their heels in further. It’s also created a culture in Washington, D.C. that has attracted a more debased form of politician and led to the gridlock that has halted any sense of progress. Sadly, Gen X has also been sucked into this vortex.

Things were a lot different in the ’90s. Back in 1999, Ted Halstead at The Atlantic noted that Xers “appear to have enshrined political apathy as a way of life.” He added that Gen Xers “exhibit less social trust or confidence in government, have a weaker allegiance to their country or to either political party.”

Compared to what’s going on in America in 2022, this type of apathy seems welcome. Back in the ’90s, taking a “chill pill” could solve everything. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone took one, and then we could open our ears and hearts and have some constructive discussions?

There was a common lament in the 1980s that the boomer hippies had sold out and became boomer yuppies. They went from being concerned with peace, love and the planet to stocks, bonds and conspicuous consumption. Gen X is now in its 40s and 50s and it’s fair to say that we've moved from being the outsiders to creating technological and political machines that are generating the type of conformity that we once railed against.

Now that Xers are at the age where we get to run the world for a few decades, it’s time to recommit to the core values that make us well … us. The great news is that as Gen Xers, it’ll be easy to get back to our roots because we were raised to ironically love the past.


This article originally appeared on 03.10.22

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via SHVETS production/Pexels and Suzy Hazelwood/Pexels
Tony Trapani discovers a letter his wife hid from him since 1959.

Writing a letter is truly a lost art form, and many young people will never know the joy of it. You had to choose your words carefully and say everything you wanted to say. Once you sent it off, there was no way to be sure it was delivered. No way to know if it had been opened or read. You couldn't take it back or send it again. You just put it in the mailbox and hoped for the best. It was excruciating and magical all at the same time.

One story of a letter never delivered has captured the hearts of readers everywhere. A heart-warming local news story gone viral for the best reasons.


Tony Trapani and his wife were married for 50 years despite the heartache of being unable to have children. "She wanted children,” Trapani told Fox 17. "She couldn't have any. She tried and tried." Even though they endured the pain of infertility, Tony's love for his wife never wavered and he cherished every moment they spent together.

letter, secret letters, love letter, love stories, dads, fatherhood, father and son, parents, parenting Tony Trapani received the most important letter of his life, but he didn't see it for 50 years Photo by Álvaro Serrano on Unsplash

After his wife passed away when Tony was 81 years old, he undertook the heartbreaking task of sorting out all of her belongings. In particular was a mountain of papers stuffed into filing cabinets. Trapani diligently went through every single one.

That’s when he stumbled upon a carefully concealed letter in a filing cabinet hidden for over half a century.

The letter was addressed to Tony and dated March 1959, but this was the first time he had seen it. His wife must have opened it, read it and hid it from him. The letter came from Shirley Childress, a woman Tony had once been close with before his marriage. She reached out, reminiscing about their past and revealing a secret that would change Tony's world forever.

"Dear Tony, I bet you are surprised to hear from me after so many years. I was just thinking about you tonight like so many other nights. But I thought I would write you and find out how you are," the letter reads. "Tony, please don't be angry or surprised to hear this. I have a little boy. He is five-years- old now - grey eyes and beautiful black hair. What I am trying to say Tony is he is your son."



"Please, Tony if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, please come and see him," Shirley wrote in the letter. "Every day he asks me where is his daddy and believe me Tony I can't even answer him anymore. I would be forever grateful to you if you would just see him. ... I'll close now hoping and praying you will answer. P.S. His name is Samuel Duane."

Now, Tony faced the fact that he had a son that would be around 60 years old and he set out to find him.

For over a year, Trapani’s sister tried to track down the mysterious Samuel Duane Childress, until she finally contacted his wife, Donna.

Tony and Samuel met in January 2015 and he felt like a new dad. After meeting his father, Samuel said his mother told him she sent the letter, but Tony never responded. "Why my wife didn't tell me," said Trapani, "I don't know. She wanted children. She couldn't have any. She tried and tried."

It's easy to understand why it may have been hard for Trapani's late wife, Dolly, to pass along that sort of news. Though we'll never know what exactly must have been in her heart and mind when she hid the letter all those years ago.

"I always asked my mom, I said, 'Well what does he look like?'' Samuel said. "She said, 'Well, go look in the mirror."

The two met and caught up on a lifetime of memories with the understanding that they could never change the past. "Just to know him now is so important to me. It's going to fill that void," Samuel said.

But just to be sure, Tony took a paternity test to ensure they were father and son. Stunning everyone involved, the test came back negative. Tony was not the father.


letter, secret letters, love letter, love stories, dads, fatherhood, father and son, parents, parenting Tony and Samuel didn't waste time thinking about what might have been if he'd seen the letter earlier. Photo by Ire Photocreative on Unsplash

The news upset Tony and Samuel, but they still had a unique bond. They shared a relationship with Samuel’s mother and both have been on an incredibly wild ride after Tony found the mysterious letter.

“They're keeping that bond,” Donna said. “That paper doesn't mean anything to him. That bond has been made—and we're going to move on from here.”

Tony Trapani passed away in 2017, leaving him just two short years to connect with the man he once believed to be his son. If he'd seen the letter earlier, maybe they would have had more time. But that's all in the past, and by all accounts the men treasured the time they got together, and the relationship that they did have — not the one they wished for.

This article originally appeared earlier this year. It has been updated.

teacher, student, gifted student, high school class, instruction,

A teacher helping a student.

In the 1960s, psychologist Julian Stanley realized that if you took the best-testing seventh graders from around the country and gave them standard college entry exams, those kids would score, on average, about as well as the typical college-bound high school senior. However, the seventh graders who scored as well or better than high schoolers, Stanley found, had off-the-charts aptitude in quantitative, logical, and spatial reasoning. In other words, they were gifted.

In the 1970s, Stanley and his team launched a full-scale study, identifying many of America's gifted kids and tracking them throughout their lives.

The study, called the Study of Mathematically Precocious Youth never ended and is now more than 50 years in the making. It has followed countless kids from middle school into their careers as some of America's top politicians, scientists, CEOs, engineers, and military leaders. Needless to say, a lot has changed with how students are today compared to 50 years ago.


Stanley passed away in the mid-2000s, but psychologist David Lubinski helped bring the study to Vanderbilt University in the 1990s, where he now co-directs it with Camilla P. Benhow.

It's not a stretch to call this the biggest and most in-depth study on intellectual "precociousness." The results of the study thus far are both fascinating and genuinely surprising—a deeply insightful look into the minds and lives of brilliant children.

students, teachers, classroom, paying attention, school books, class in session A teacher in front of her class.Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash


1. Some of what we used to think about gifted kids turned out to be wrong.

Ever heard the saying "early to ripe, early to rot"? It basically means doing "too much" to foster a kid's special talents and abilities at too young an age could actually cause harm in the long term. That's not even remotely true, at least not according to Lubinski.

That might be an outdated example. But Lubinksi says there are plenty of other misconceptions still alive today, like the idea that gifted kids are so smart that they'll "find a way" to excel even if those smarts aren't nurtured and developed.

Not so fast. "They're kids," he explains. "They need guidance. We all need guidance."


- YouTube www.youtube.com

2. Intelligence is not the same as passion.

Quick, what's the "smartest" career you can think of? Doctor? Scientist?

While you do have to be pretty brilliant to work in medicine or science, those are far from the only career paths gifted kids choose later in life. "Quantitatively, gifted people vary widely in their passions," Lubinski says. Many of the students in the study did end up pursuing medicine, but others went into fields like economics or engineering. Others still were more gifted in areas like logical or verbal reasoning, making them excellent lawyers and writers.

"There are all kinds of ways to express intellectual talent," Lubinski explains.

When it comes to doing what's best for a gifted student, it's just as important for parents and educators to know what the student is passionate about rather than pigeonholing them in traditionally "smart" fields and registering them in a bunch of STEM courses.


students, teachers, classroom, paying attention, school books, class in session Students taking a test.via Canva/Photos

3. Hard work definitely still matters.

Measuring a student's aptitude, their natural abilities, is only one part of the equation when it comes to determining how successful they'll be in life. Aptitude scores can identify a particularly strong natural skill set but tell us very little about how hard that person might work to excel in that field.

Effort, Lubinski says, is a critical factor in determining how far someone will go in life. "If you look at exceptional performers in politics, science, music, and literature, they're working many, many hours," he says. (And for the record, there are a lot more important things in life than just career achievement, like family, friends, and overall happiness.)

The idea that hard work still matters aligns with the 10,000-hour rule, popularized by journalist Malcolm Gladwell in his book Outliers: The Story of Success. The 10,000-hour rule suggests that some of the world's greatest innovators, including Bill Gates, The Beatles, and Robert Oppenheimer, excelled in their endeavors because they had 10,000 hours of practice.


students, teachers, classroom, paying attention, school books, class in session Students around a computer.via Canva/Photos

4. Regardless of aptitude, every kid deserves to be treated as though they were gifted.

The study's focus is specifically on kids within a specific range of intellectual ability, but Lubinski is careful to note that many of its findings can and should be applied to all students. For example, the children in the study who were allowed to take more challenging courses aligned with their skills and interests ultimately achieved more than those who were not afforded the same opportunity.

"You have to find out where your child's development is, how fast they learn, what are their strengths and relative weaknesses and tailor the curriculum accordingly," Lubinski says. "It's what you would want for all kids."

It may sound a bit like a pipe dream, but it's a great starting point for how we should be thinking about the future of education in America.

This article originally appeared eight years ago.

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A clock and Neil deGrasse Tyson.

When you’re a kid, time passes a lot more slowly than when you’re an adult. At the age of seven, summer seems to go on forever, and the wait from New Year’s Day to Christmas feels like a decade. As an adult, time seems to go faster and faster until one weekend you’re putting up your Christmas lights though you swear you just took ‘em down a month ago.

Why does time seem to speed up as we get older? Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson recently explained the phenomenon in a video posted to Instagram. He also offered tips on how to slow the passage of time as you age. DeGrasse Tyson is one of the most popular science communicators in the world and the host of 2014's Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey and 2020’s Cosmos: Possible Worlds.


Why does time appear to speed up as we get older?


“When you're young, everything is new. Your brain is constantly recording fresh memories, and the more memory your brain stores, the longer the experience feels. But then something changes. As you get older, routines take over. Your brain stops saving so much detail. It switches to autopilot because everything feels familiar and predictable,” deGrasse Tyson explains. “And when your brain stores fewer new memories, your perception of time compresses. That's why childhood feels long, and adulthood feels like a blur.”


Steve Taylor, PhD, author of many best-selling books including Time Expansion Experience, The Leap, and Spiritual ScienceThe Leap, and Spiritual Science, agrees with deGrasse Tyson.

“This is mainly because, as children, we have so many new experiences, and so process a massive amount of perceptual information,” Taylor writes at Psychology Today. “Children also have an unfiltered and intense perception of the world, which makes their surroundings appear more vivid. However, as we get older, we have progressively fewer new experiences. Equally importantly, our perception of the world becomes more automatic. We grow progressively desensitized to our surroundings. As a result, we gradually absorb less information, which means time passes more quickly. Time is less stretched with information.”

How do we make time slow down?

There’s something a little depressing about the idea that time speeds up as we age because we have fallen into predictable routines. The good news is that we can break this cycle by changing our habits and having new experiences. The more novel information we can process and the less routine our lives become, the slower time will move.

DeGrasse Tyson believes that with some change in our behaviors, we can get back to longer summers and Christmases that aren’t perpetually around the corner.

“You can actually slow time down again. Do something unfamiliar,” deGrasse Tysons says. "Travel somewhere new. Break a routine you've repeated for years. Learn a skill your brain hasn't mapped yet. Because the more new memories your brain forms, the slower time feels as it passes. So if life feels like it's accelerating, it's not your age. It's your brain, and you can reboot it.”

Joy

Pizza guy makes split-second decision that saves a woman's life, then gets best reward possible

His quick-thinking is a perfect example of successful bystander prevention.

joey grundl, pizza guy saves life, milwaukee heroes, heroes, rewards, domino's pizza, bystander prevention, sa, da, domestic abuse, positive news

Joey Grundl, Milwaukee pizza guy.

Editor's Note: This story discusses suicide. If you are having thoughts about taking your own life, or know of anyone who is in need of help, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is a United States-based suicide prevention network of over 200+ crisis centers that provides 24/7 service via a toll-free hotline with the number 9-8-8. It is available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.

Joey Grundl, who was working as a pizza delivery driver for a Domino's Pizza in Waldo, Wisconsin, was hailed as a hero for noticing a kidnapped woman's subtle cry for help. It's a timeless story that continues to resonate with people today. In 2018, the deliveryman was sent to a woman's house to deliver a pie when her ex-boyfriend, Dean Hoffmann, opened the door. Grundl looked over his shoulder and saw a middle-aged woman with a black eye standing behind Hoffmann. She appeared to be mouthing the words: "Call the police."


"I showed up, it was a normal delivery, and saw this middle-aged couple," Grundl, 24, told NBC News. "I gave him his pizza, and then I noticed behind him was his girlfriend," Grundl told WITI Milwaukee. "She pointed to a black eye that was quite visible. She mouthed the words, 'Call the police.'" When Grundl got back to his delivery car, he called the police. When the police arrived at the home, Hoffmann tried to block the door, but eventually let the police into the woman's home.

joey grundl, pizza guy saves life, milwaukee heroes, heroes, rewards, domino's pizza, bystander prevention, sa, da, domestic abuse, positive news Dean Hoffmann's mugshot. via WITI Milwaukee

After seeing the battered woman, Hoffmann was arrested, and she was taken to the hospital for her wounds. Earlier in the day, Hoffmann arrived at the house without her permission and tried to convince her to get back into a relationship with him. He then punched her in the face and hog-tied her with a vacuum power cord.

"If you love me, you will let me go," she pleaded, but he reportedly replied, "You know I can't do that." He also threatened to shoot both of them with a .22 caliber firearm he kept in his car. The woman later told authorities that she feared for her life.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in three women and one in four men will experience physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Stories like this highlight not only the dangers victims face behind closed doors but also the crucial role everyday people can play in recognizing when something is wrong.

A day later, Grundl was seen on TV telling his heroic story, wearing a hoodie from Taylor Swift's "Reputation Tour" and her fans quickly jumped into action, tagging Swift in photos of the hero. Grundl already had tickets to go to an upcoming Swift concert in Arlington, Wisconsin, but when Swift learned of the story, she arranged to meet Grundl backstage and they took a photo together.

"She … she knew who I was," Grundl jokingly tweeted after the concert. "I'm thoroughly convinced Taylor gave me a cold."

"This has been one of the most exciting weeks of my life," Grundl said. "I'm legitimately getting emotional and I almost never get like this. But as the likely most memorable week of my entire life comes to an end … I guess I can really say … I'm doing better than I ever was."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Hoffmann was found guilty of kidnapping, suffocating, harming, and intimidating his girlfriend and was sentenced to 28 years in prison. It was his first criminal charge. During the trial, his victim told the jury that she was "deathly afraid" of Hoffmann. In 2023, after being transferred to Waupun Correctional Institute in Wisconsin, Hoffmann died by suicide after 9 days in solitary confinement. Hoffman has a history of bipolar disorder and suicidal ideation, and his death has raised questions over whether the facility was equipped to deal with severe mental health issues.

How anyone can help someone in danger: a quick bystander guide

joey grundl, pizza guy saves life, milwaukee heroes, heroes, rewards, domino's pizza, bystander prevention, sa, da, domestic abuse, positive news Nonverbal cues are often the only safe way a victim can communicate.Photo credit: Canva

1. Notice the quiet signals.

A bruise. A fearful glance. Someone trying to mouth “help.” Domestic-violence experts say these nonverbal cues are often the only safe way a victim can communicate that something’s wrong.This story originally appeared six years ago.

2. Put your safety (and theirs) first.

Advocates stress that directly confronting an abuser can escalate danger for everyone involved—especially the victim.

3. Call for help from a safe distance.

Get authorities involved while keeping yourself out of harm’s way. Bystander-intervention programs consistently rank this as the safest choice.

4. Remember the “Distract, Delegate, Direct” method.

This widely taught approach helps people intervene without putting themselves in danger:

  • Distract if it’s safe.
  • Delegate to police, security, or others.
  • Direct only in clearly safe, public, low-risk moments.

5. Know the modern silent distress signal.

The now-famous “Signal for Help” (palm up, thumb tucked, fingers folded) has already saved lives when victims used it to alert bystanders discreetly.

6. Trust the person, and trust your gut.

If someone gives even a tiny sign that they’re in trouble, believe them. Victims often minimize their danger out of fear, trauma, or control by the abuser. A single person taking them seriously can be life-saving.

7. Know that leaving is the most dangerous moment.

Experts say up to 75% of domestic-violence homicides occur when the victim is attempting to leave.This is why safe, indirect intervention is so important. Sudden confrontation can put them at even higher risk.

8. Share resources. They matter more than you think.

A hotline number. A shelter website. A text line. These small acts create opportunities for survivors to reach out when the moment is right.

Stories like Joey’s show that you don’t need a uniform or a badge to change the course of someone’s life. Sometimes heroism looks like being observant, trusting your instincts, and making a phone call.

This story originally appeared six years ago. It has been updated.