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Five Gen X values from the ’90s that can save today’s world

We're bringing "whatever" back.

1990s, gen x, '90s values

A mix tape from 1992.

A few weeks ago I came across an article about a kid who watches television at 1.5x speed so he can cram as much viewing in as he can. It seemed that his unquenchable desire to get through shows in the Golden Age of television meant he’d sacrifice the entertainment value of the show just to get to the end.

“Man, this guy would have been crucified in 1993,” I thought.

As a 45-year-old card-carrying member of Generation X (those born between 1965 and 1979), I remembered a time when nobody bragged about the amount of TV they watched. In fact, they bragged about not owning a TV. “I don't watch TV, man,” people would say. “It only exists to sell you stuff.”

This complete reversal on the social acceptance of gluttonous TV viewing made me wonder what happened to the values we were raised on as Gen Xers? We were taught that sincerity was for simpletons, everything corporate is evil, old school is always better than the latest and greatest, authenticity is king, conformity is death and there is nothing worse than being a sell-out or a poser.


Nobody would have ever referred to themselves as an “influencer” in 1991—that’s the definition of a sell-out.

“After writing this book, I’m back in the mindset of ’90s thinking, which is that nothing is worse than selling out,” Chuck Klosterman, author of “The Nineties: A Book,” told Esquire. “Nothing was more embarrassing in the ’90s than trying to convince people to like the thing you made."

Deep inside the heart of almost every Gen Xer is a deep-seated feeling of nihilism. We didn’t trust the corporations that laid off our parents or gutted their pensions in the ’80s. In fact, everything corporate was predatory. We didn’t have a lot of faith in family values because we were the first generation raised by single parents or in daycare. We didn’t care much about politics either. Back in the ’90s, Gen X’s aversion to politics was historic.

Of course, these are all generalities about a generation of nearly about 65 million people, but studies show that there are some definite hallmarks of being a Gen Xer.


According to a generational differences document circulated through the business community, Gen X’s core values are “skepticism,” “fun” and “informality.” They’re described as “self-reliant,” “independent,” “unimpressed with authority” and motivated by “freedom.”

In the young Gen Xer, the culture of the era “instilled a wariness and skepticism, and a kind of ‘figure it out for yourself’ mindset,” Paul Taylor, author of “The Next America: Boomers, Millennials, and the Looming Generational Showdown” told The Washington Post. And with that came a sense “that you don’t have to shine a light on yourself. You’re not the center of the universe.”

But things have changed since the ’90s when Gen X was coming of age. We live in an American culture that is fractured by political partisanship, fueled by a constant culture of outrage, crippled by a preoccupation with technology, plundered by greedy boomers and annoyed by overly sensitive millennials. All of this is happening while we face the greatest challenge of our times, climate change.

The answer to all of these problems is simple: admit that Gen X at one point had it right and if we followed its lead, we could reverse these terrible trends. OK, it might not fix all of our woes, but the way things are going now surely aren’t working. Plus, weren’t the ’90s great?

Also, with hat in hand, I must admit that this message is for Gen Xers as well. Many of us have lost our way by forgetting our disdain for authority and skepticism toward institutions. This is a call for us to remember what we once stood for and to fight back by doing what we do best—staying above the fray.

Gen X, it’s time to strap on your Dr. Martens boots and get back to fighting the “Battle of Who Could Care Less.” It’s time we collectively got our “whatever” back and showed the other generations how powerful dismissiveness can be.

Here are the top five Gen X values that we need to embrace again.

5.  Buying vintage items

Nothing was less hip in the early ’90s than wearing mall clothes. If you had any style you shopped at a thrift store and bought used duds from the ’70s and early ’80s and remixed them into something awesome. If you were into hip-hop or skating you shopped at the surplus store and rocked some super-durable Dickies or Carhartt gear. The mood of the times was totally anti-fashion. These days, we live in a world where fast fashion is killing the environment. By embracing the Gen X value of old-school cool, we can help the planet while looking much more fashionable in the process.

4. Corporate skepticism

In the early 2000s, people fell head-over-heels in love with smartphone technology and social media so quickly that nobody stopped and said, “Hey, wait a minute!” Now, we have a world where kids are depressed, the culture has become divided and nobody talks to each other in public anymore, they just stare at their phones. I can totally understand why young millennials and Luddite boomers would fall for the big-tech ruse, but sadly, Gen X was asleep at the wheel and fell victim, too. The generation that embraced the notion that TV rotted your brain needs to remind everyone to go outside and play in the sunshine or read a book. And if you read a book it should be by Bret Easton Ellis.

3. Just say “whatever”

Two of the most popular Gen X phrases were “whatever” and “talk to the hand (because the face don’t give a damn).” These may seem to be flippant responses but they are the correct way to deal with other people’s nonsense and in 2022, we have to deal with a constant barrage of it.

Somewhere along the way, people forgot that it’s even more powerful to ignore someone than to admit they got under your skin. In the world of social media, we unintentionally amplify the most wretched voices by subtweeting, commenting and liking the posts from the army of grifters fighting for our attention.

We also live in an era where many seem to be addicted to outrage. The quickest way to stop fanning the flames of outrage is with a simple, “whatever.” Like dogs distracted by squirrels, we’ve got our heads on outrage swivels these days. Throwing around the occasional “whatever” gives us the time and energy to focus on the problems that really matter and take action.

These days “whatever” matters more than ever.

2. Bring back snobbery

Good taste used to matter. In the 2000s, millennials decided that people have the right to like what they like and that it’s worse to judge someone’s personal taste than to have bad taste. Gen Xers based their entire personalities on taste and demanded integrity from artists and were rewarded by living in a time of superior films and music. These days, no one listens to new music and we’re stuck in a world dominated by comic book movies because no one stood up and shamed people for liking low-effort culture.

1. ​Political apathy

America’s political divide has calcified over the past decade because more and more people are basing their personal identities on their politics. This has created a culture where the dialog between liberals and conservatives has become a shouting match that only makes people dig their heels in further. It’s also created a culture in Washington, D.C. that has attracted a more debased form of politician and led to the gridlock that has halted any sense of progress. Sadly, Gen X has also been sucked into this vortex.

Things were a lot different in the ’90s. Back in 1999, Ted Halstead at The Atlantic noted that Xers “appear to have enshrined political apathy as a way of life.” He added that Gen Xers “exhibit less social trust or confidence in government, have a weaker allegiance to their country or to either political party.”

Compared to what’s going on in America in 2022, this type of apathy seems welcome. Back in the ’90s, taking a “chill pill” could solve everything. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone took one, and then we could open our ears and hearts and have some constructive discussions?

There was a common lament in the 1980s that the boomer hippies had sold out and became boomer yuppies. They went from being concerned with peace, love and the planet to stocks, bonds and conspicuous consumption. Gen X is now in its 40s and 50s and it’s fair to say that we've moved from being the outsiders to creating technological and political machines that are generating the type of conformity that we once railed against.

Now that Xers are at the age where we get to run the world for a few decades, it’s time to recommit to the core values that make us well … us. The great news is that as Gen Xers, it’ll be easy to get back to our roots because we were raised to ironically love the past.


This article originally appeared on 03.10.22

Popular

Sweden makes stunning decision to trademark its name to avoid confusion

The country is taking historic steps to fix the problem.

via Visit Sweden (used with permission)

A Swedish woman taking things into her own hands.

True

Sweden has existed for over 1,000 years, but travelers across the globe are confused because other places, inspired by the country’s untouched beauty and joyously inclusive culture, have taken its name.

Seven other places in the world call themselves Sweden, so to distinguish itself from the name-alikes, the Kingdom of Sweden is taking a bold, historic step that no country has before. It’s become the first to apply to trademark its name with the European Union Intellectual Property Office.

Visit Sweden likens the country’s problem to a luxury brand that has to contend with dupes, knockoffs, or bootlegs that fall short of the glory of the genuine article.


“It’s flattering that other places want to be called Sweden, but let’s be honest, there should only be one. Our Sweden. The one with the Northern Lights, endless forests, and the world’s best flat-pack furniture,” says Susanne Andersson, CEO at Visit Sweden.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

By trademarking its name, Sweden will make things much less confusing for travelers worldwide. It’d be a shame for someone looking to visit Sweden’s majestic Lapland to mistakenly wind up in a place with no reindeer, Aurora Borealis, or cloudberries to be found.

The world-class research team at Visit Sweden knew it had to act when it realized that other destinations with the same name had tripped up travelers. People looking to vacation in Portland, Oregon, have accidentally wound up in Portland, Maine. Travelers yearning to experience the fall in Manchester, New Hampshire, have been deplaning in Manchester, England. “It happens more than you think!” the researchers admitted.


sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation The Northern Lights in Sweden. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Jann Lipka/imagebank.sweden.se

The E.U. Intellectual Property Office must act swiftly and allow Sweden to trademark its name so that travelers worldwide don’t miss the opportunity to experience an utterly unique country known for its serene landscapes, commitment to deep relaxation and personal freedom.

No one should ever miss out on staying on one of Sweden’s 267,570 islands, more than any other country. The Swedish archipelagos offer luxurious glamping, peaceful hikes, tranquil solitude and awe-inspiring, pristine nature.

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A woman camping in the Swedish archipelago.via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Anders Klapp/imagebank.sweden.se


Sweden is a beautiful place to visit all year round, with bright summers, colorful falls, vibrant springs and dark, crisp winters. It is also a place to delight your tastebuds with a cuisine centered on healthy, locally sourced produce, with some preparation methods dating back to the Viking era.

The original Sweden is a place where one can relish Old World European history while also enjoying the modern pleasures of the most progressive countries in the world. Travelers can be whisked back into history by visiting the Naval Port of Karlskona, a well-preserved European naval town from 1680. Or, enjoy cutting-edge design, delicacies, art, music and culture in hip metropolitan destinations such as Stockholm or Sweden’s “coolest city,” Gothenburg.

Did we mention Sweden has an ABBA museum? Wait till the other 7 Swedens find out about that.

As you can see, Sweden is an incredibly unique destination that cannot be duplicated. It would be a tragedy for anyone intending to visit the original Sweden to mistakenly find themselves in a name-alike place that lacks its Scandinavian charm. You can do your part to stop the confusion by signing a petition to let Sweden trademark Sweden at Visit Sweden (the original).

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A Swedish Midsommar celebration. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Stefan Berg/Folio/imagebank.sweden.se

via Pixabay

When parents can't step up, should grandparents step in?

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum asks an important question: What is a parent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? The story is even further complicated because the woman at the center of the controversy is a stepparent.

At the time of writing her post, the woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15. The couple married five years ago after Leah had moved out to go to college.

Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10.

When Leah became pregnant she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.


Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties.

The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, research shows that 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

a young mother holds her baby

Single motherhood comes with unique hardships.

via Alexander Grey/Unsplash

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. In 2019, a study found that out the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent.

Today, Portland, OR has joined the very short list of cities where an "average teacher can afford 91.3% of apartments within community distance of their school" according to a recent study.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

A woman holds a newborn baby.

The demands of new motherhood are usually all-encompassing.

via Pixabay

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," user Heavy_Sand5228 wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," user SupremeCourtJust-a** added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's. "To add, Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money," Obiterdicta wrote.

While there are resources to help stepparents connect with their stepchildren and step-grandchildren, it's important to remember that the responsibility to raise a child ultimately rests with the parent(s).

This article originally appeared last year.

A lazy dad versus an attentive father.

Many men say they want kids, but does that mean they also want to take on the full responsibilities of being a father? That’s the big question at the crux of a recent viral TikTok post that everyone who wants kids with a man should consider. The question has traditionally been, “Does he want kids?” but Abby Eckel thinks we must dig deeper.

Abby Eckel is a social media influencer and blogger who discusses women’s rights, focusing on equal division of labor in the home. In her video, she breaks down the differences between the 2 types of men. “Men are taught to want kids, but not how to be dads. There are lots of men that want to have kids. There are fewer men that want to be dads, and it's really important, as women, that we discern between the two, because they're not the same,” Eckel says.

What’s the difference between being a dad and being a father?

“A man that wants kids, he's thinking legacy. He's thinking caring on the family name, having little mini-me's running around, having kids running around, the milestones, the highlight reel,” Eckel continues. “Very few men though, when they think about, ‘I want to be a father’, are they thinking about the daily grind task, the midnight feedings, the diaper changes, the to and from of the inevitable sports that they'll play.”

@abbyeckel

I cannot emphasize these differences enough.

Eckels question is fundamental because if someone mistakes a man saying “I want kids” with “I want to be a father,” they may unwittingly sign themselves up as the default parent in a relationship. They will have to assume the mental load of parenting because dad fails to take any initiative. In this arrangement, the dad simply becomes someone who plays with the kids on occasion and has to be told what to do. This places the default parent in a position where it’s nearly impossible not to develop some resentment for their spouse.

On the other hand, a man who wants to be a father will be proactive and an equal partner in parenting duties.



Eckel believes that a big reason why some men fail to step up and become fathers is because they weren’t taught to be nurturing as children. “We bombard boys with messages about being providers, protectors. But when's the last time you actually saw a boy being taught how to nurture? How many young male babysitters do you have on your roster? I don't have any. How many little boys do you see walking around with a baby doll, feeding her, changing her diaper?” she asked.

The post resonated with many of Eckel’s followers, who think there are a lot of men out there who aren’t stepping up and taking responsibility. “Same for being married. Do they just want a wife, or do they want to BE a husband,” Dana wrote. “Being a Father and being a Dad are 2 different things. Your father is the person who helped create you, your dad is the man who helped raise you. They're not always the same person,” Izzie added.

“If you really want to see how a family acts, go to any theme park and watch a family of three or more. You can see just how much the mother goes through in a day with the kids while the father eats snacks,” Athena commented.

Ultimately, Eckel says the difference between a dad and a father is someone who takes initiative. “So, before you have kids with a man, watch how they handle responsibility. Do they take initiative on things, or are they always sitting back waiting for you to tell them what to do? Do they notice what needs to be done without being asked?” she explained.

Wellness

Star neuroscientist Andrew Huberman breaks down two simple exercises to improve vision

The eyes are muscles like any other and need both stimulation and relaxation.

Canva

Treat the eyes like a muscle. Give them exercise and relaxation.

We spend a lot of time looking at things up close, particularly our screens. For many of us, it’s the first thing we look at in the morning, the last thing we look at before going to sleep, and the thing we look at most during all those hours in between. According to a study commissioned by Vision Direct, the average American will spend 44 years looking at a screen. You read that right. Over. Four. Decades.

Really, it’s no wonder that eyesight has worsened. Experts have declared that myopia, aka nearsightedness, has grown to an epidemic level. In addition, we suffer more headaches and migraines, get poor sleep, and tend to feel more fatigued.

Luckily, there are a few things we can do to help, whether we boast 20/20 vision or are already constantly squinting.


Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman, well known for his podcast “Huberman Lab,” breaks down all kinds of science-based life hacks for health, wellness, and fitness.

In addition to studying the brain, one of Huberman’s main research topics is vision. In a video, Huberman shares two simple exercises that can dramatically help improve eyesight.

First and foremost, we need to allow our vision to relax.

You can’t do this just by looking up from your computer screen. Instead, Huberman suggests going to a window and looking out at a point in the distance. Ideally, you would open the window because windows filter out a lot of the blue light and sunlight that you want during the daytime. Better yet, go to a balcony, relax your eyes, and look out at the horizon. This allows the eyes to relax and go into panoramic vision, relieving stress and fatigue.

According to Huberman, you should be doing some kind of relaxation of the eyes, face, and jaw for every 30 minutes of focused work—which works out to at least every 90 minutes.

Second, stimulate the eyes by focusing on motion.

Smooth pursuit is our natural ability to track individual objects moving through space. You can train or improve your vision simply by stimulating this mechanism. To do this, Huberman suggests taking a few minutes each day or every three days to visually track a ball. Or, get outside and watch objects move around. Think swooping birds, falling leaves, etc. If you couldn’t tell, Huberman is a big proponent of going outside.

Bottom line: Our eyes are muscles. Just like our biceps, they need stimulation and relaxation, and while we might not be able to get this kind of nourishment from our tiny screens, nature provides.

This article originally appeared last year.

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash
baby's white and black bassinet

Giving birth is one of the sweetest and most transformational life events. But for mothers who deliver angel babies (those who do not make it through delivery or pass shortly after birth), it becomes utterly devastating. To comfort mothers during this heart aching time, a labor and delivery nurse decided to create a comforting gift for grieving mothers to bring home.

"POV: your patient just gained an angel baby 🪽 and you make sure she doesn't go home empty handed," she writes in the video as she cuts baby blankets into the shape of a heart. "So you get to work. Measure out rice the exact birth weight of her angel. And start to make a casing out of her baby blanket."

@thelabornursern

#grief #loss #fetalloss #pregnancy #labordeliverynurses #laboranddelivery #griefandloss #laboranddeliverynurse #nursing #nursesoftiktok #nursetok #nurselife

The camera pans to three bags of dry rice placed on the baby blanket. From there, she begins to sew the blanket that is filled with rice. "Sutures to sew the fabric," she adds, with footage of herself hand-stitching every seam of the blanket. "It's almost ready 🪽 Then we fill the casing with rice, measured to her baby's birth weight so she will always have this to hold onto."

The video ends with a final look at the filled and finished pillow. "Time to give it to her ❤️🪽" she adds.

And the heartfelt gesture received such a positive response from her followers and mothers of angel babies. "as a momma of an angel baby, you are doing so much more than you can ever think by doing this! bless you ❤️," one wrote. Another added, "As a mama who left the hospital without my baby, thank you THANK YOU. I felt so alone leaving the hospital, held my belly the entire ride home then walked into a home full of baby stuff and no baby."

And another angel baby mom shared, "As a stillbirth mama, leaving the hospital without my baby was torture. Having something weighted to hold would have brought comfort. You're so sweet for making this!!! 💗💗"

The aching experience was described by another angel mom in the comments. "My son was stillborn earlier this year. One thing I could have never anticipated was how much my arms literally ached to hold him. Our bodies do not understand our baby died, and we instinctually need something to hold. This is such a beautiful gift," she commented.

The TikTok community expressed interest in donating sewing machines to help her, so she shared an informative video with her followers on how they can donate to their local hospitals' labor and delivery units.

https://www.tiktok.com/@thelabornursern/photo/7435010215562480938 [THIS IS COMING UP AS AN ERROR WHEN I TRY TO INSERT?]

In another video update, she shared with her followers that she purchased a portable sewing machine to streamline the sewing process of the blankets. "I ordered a portable sewing machine to keep in my locker! And a few of my coworkers want to get together once a month and premake these for our unit."

TikTok · thelabornursern

TikTok · thelabornursernwww.tiktok.com

9732 likes, 57 comments. “Replying to @Rachel Wagner”

She added, "So many of you wanted to jump in and donate, and that is faith in humanity restored. Thank you to each and every one from the bottom of my heart."


@thelabornursern

Replying to @Mykal it was my first time using this, and you were right Mykal it is a little difficult to use. it threw me for a loop so ill be practicing until I can do it blind folded

"Here's an update on the portable sewing machine that I got. It actually is really hard to use...it will definitely take some practice, but I'll get it," she says in the voiceover.

The kind gesture by this labor and delivery nurse made a deep impact, spurring angel baby moms to share their stories and the real impact her empathy has created.

Men respond with 'I'm fine' for heartbreaking reasons

Society often portrays men as logical creatures who are good problem solvers because they don't have all these emotions that get in the way. It's something that's often wielded as this superpower that men have over their female counterparts. This isn't anything of men's doing, at least not men from the last several generations.

This "logical non-emotional" stereotype was thrust upon them in much the same way as the stereotype that women are "too emotional" and borderline hysterical when things don't go their way. There's no getting around bumping into this general thought process or at least the remnants of it on a near daily basis. Because it's so prevalent in societal norms in much of the western world, men and women subconsciously internalize these things.

But anyone who has raised both genders are aware that boys and girls are equally as emotional, it's just that they start receiving very different messages about that emotionality from a very early age. Starting around preschool age boys begin to hear, "big boys don't cry" while they watch their younger sister or classmate receive comforting and kind words when they begin to cry. When it comes to young girls, they're often given more responsibilities at an earlier age whether it's teachers picking girls more often for "classroom helper" or parents focusing more on their daughter cleaning up after themselves than their sons because "boys are messy."

Toughen Up Pop Tv GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy

Many examples of this exist so before too long it would seem that both genders are getting gendered messaging about themselves and each other. But in recent years there has been a shift in people wanting men to get in touch with their emotions as to not feed into the societal American norm of toxic masculinity. This focus on men's emotional well-being comes on the heels of research showing the harmful effects of enforcing restrictive gender roles. According to United Way, "restrictive gender norms often limit children’s potential and opportunities, affect their self-esteem and mental health, and shape their relationships with peers."

As society shifts to be more flexible with gender norms, men are beginning to not only admit to having feelings other than anger or happiness, but are expressing them. Or at least, they're attempting to express them according to the overwhelming repetitive response to a question posed on Reddit. A user asks, "men, why do you say you're fine when you're not" and the answers were heartbreaking.

Im Fine Episode 2 GIF by FriendsGiphy

One person responds with, "Because I think most believe that nobody truly gives a f*ck," which was quickly backed up by others with personal stories.

Another shares, "Honestly, no one really listens. You get about five words in and people decide where they think you’re going with this. Then they talk about that thing instead of what you’re talking about no matter what you say. Its usually easier for me to work through and process things myself than put the effort into fighting to be understood."

"My wife and I are having this problem right now. She finally blew up at me and said I don't talk to her anymore and I told her it's because she doesn't listen. I'll explain my thoughts or intentions in deep detail, but after the first 10 words or so she thinks she totally understands and tunes out everything else. Which ends up being cyclical, because she'll get mad that I didn't tell her something when in fact I did. Just easier to not say anything at all at this point, or keep answers to one subject and 10 words or less," someone chimes in adding to the sentiment of not being heard.

Season 3 Hug GIF by Black SailsGiphy

One man explains the rules he has learned, "My entire life as a man, I've been taught two things. I need to be coming up with solutions to problems. And if I'm not useful, I'm useless. The moment I ask for help or show that I need help with a problem rather than being the one helping with a problem, I am then regarded as the problem. When I am the problem, I'm not useful; see above."

Another reveals expressing emotions results in him comforting others, "Because if I tell you I'm not fine, it inexplicably somehow turns into me trying to comfort and reassure you. No, it's not because of you. No I'm not mad that you thought this was all about you. Well you shouldn't feel guilty. I'm sorry you're upset now. Of course I still love you. I'm sorry for upsetting you, honey. No, I promise I'm fine. Everything is perfect."

Men are listening to women and others telling them to open up about their emotions but their seems to be an important component missing. There are therapists that specialize in helping men achieve emotional intelligence and communication of their emotional needs. But it will take further shifting in societal consciousness to recognize when men are being vulnerable with their needs.

This isn't just a men problem, it's a social conditioning problem that needs to be dismantled as one person points out by saying, "ironically sometimes women still subconsciously carry the sexist belief that men should have better control over their emotions." Unlearning something that is ingrained in all aspects of society takes time as does learning to tap into and express feelings that were once equated to weakness. Everyone is learning and giving grace and understanding can go a long way to figuring things out.