Gen X revisits the movie 'Reality Bites' and many now wish it had ended differently
"Angst was heavily romanticized during that time."
Winona Ryder chooses between Ben Stiller and Ethan Hawke in "Reality Bites."
Another Hollywood movie, another controversial love triangle. A very popular cinematic plot device, the love triangle has often helped contribute to some of the best films (and TV series) ever. And while, of course, the character who "should" win the heart of another is subjective—there are times when hindsight adds a little wisdom to our opinions.
There are countless love triangles at the heart of great (and even not-so-great) movies. The first that comes to mind is Casablanca, the Oscar Award–winning 1940s masterpiece starring Humphrey Bogart (Rick), Ingrid Bergman (Ilsa), and Paul Henreid (Victor). Set in the midst of World War II, it's, among many things, about the choice a woman must make between her dutiful husband and the man with whom she has a passionate and meaningful affair. It's really a fight to the end, but …SPOILERS AHEAD… her choice was surprising to many.
Trailer for the film Casablanca. www.youtube.com, Warner Bros. Entertainment
It seemed the "obvious" choice was to choose the sexy, brooding man with whom the chemistry was explosive. But instead, she chose the man who had been by her side for years—a character who, for what it's worth, was also a very good man who believed in fighting for what's right in the world. What made this so magnificent was that neither choice was "right or wrong." No heroes, no villains.
In fact, it was such a popular love triangle, it's actually referenced in other movies. In a scene from When Harry Met Sally, Harry (Billy Crystal) and Sally (Meg Ryan) talk at length about who Ilsa should have chosen in the end.
Which brings us to another (somewhat) more recent love triangle in 1994's Gen X favorite, Reality Bites. In this film, Lelaina, played by Winona Ryder, has just graduated from college into a bleak job market and no guidelines. She has chemistry with her close friend, messy musician Troy, played by Ethan Hawke, but meets a successful TV producer named Michael, played by Ben Stiller. There's a world in which she could have chosen neither, but since this is a romantic comedy, her decision was the main crux of the film.
Well, Gen X (and other generations) have some thoughts. Recently, on the subreddit r/GenXWomen, someone merely asked, "Reality Bites?" They wrote, "I see too many women my age still struggling with romantic relationships, and I blame Reality Bites for telling us in our young and impressionable years that we should choose the broke, unwashed loser over the responsible guy who had his shit together and was (albeit awkwardly) trying to help us with our burgeoning careers.
Am I way off base here? Wasn’t sure whether to flair nostalgia, discussion, or humor."
A scene from the 1994 film Reality Bites. www.youtube.com, Universal Pictures
This received over 100 comments, many supporting the notion. "I fully concede that I may be projecting — my first husband was definitely an Ethan Hawke, but my second husband, thank God, is absolutely a Ben Stiller."
Another goes into even more detail: "Yep. I saw Ben Stiller’s character much differently re-watching the movie as a much older adult. Troy was an insufferable d---che, but then again, Lainey sort of was too. Angst was heavily romanticized during that time."
This person claims they were never fooled. "Eh, even in 1994, I remember thinking that movie was bulls--t for trying to push the idea that the 'real' relationship was between Whiner and Slacker, and not between Whiner and Basically Functioning Adult. I should note this was also why the musical Rent didn’t land with me — quit b----ing about your art and take the cameraman job, Mark."
Many mention other films with similar problematic issues. Revenge of the Nerds and the recently discussed on Upworthy's St. Elmo's Fire draw a lot of attention for their seemingly normalizing of troubling behavior.
Though a few stand by their love of Ethan's sexy, raw portrayal of Troy, with one wisely noting, "Every generation has people who struggle with relationships — especially at younger ages — regardless of the movies. My husband and I were equal. We both had nothing and built careers/family/life together. When that movie came out, we were both Ethan Hawkes."