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An older man uses his landline. A younger woman looks perplexed.

When it comes to dating, one through-line exists among generations: people are looking to connect. Now, the length of connection may vary—as might the intensity. Some call it love, some call it sex, some call it just "hanging out." But it's connection either way.

In a study conducted by Zoosk, researchers claim to have "analyzed over 5.7 million profiles and surveyed more than 4,000 daters." Alongside dating expert Haley Quinn, they even talked to people on the streets of London to get their opinion on what seems to be quite a definitive difference in generational dating styles.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Before we get into the differences, let's first note the similarities. In the post, "How does your generation date?" therapist Nancy Ryan, LMFT, points out that Boomers, Gen X, and a good portion of millennials actually existed before the Internet and dating apps. "A simpler time of landlines, answering machines, and nosy parents who loosely cupped the receiver while yell-whispering, 'It’s a boy!'"

Another common theme? All the dating generations (at least in the survey) overall prefer their first meeting to be a "coffee date." (Some, of course, disagree—but across the board, this polled high, perhaps implying it's best to keep it short, sweet, and non-committal before actually moving forward with someone.) Also according to the study, "Over 80% of daters across all generations think holding the door open for your date is a romantic gesture!" Chivalry is alive and well.

That said, there are unique differences between generations, as dating norms have evolved over time. Wherein there used to be "rules" set by many Boomers and the generations before them, things have changed. "People are freer to follow their heart," Ryan writes. This isn't to say each generation doesn't push their own set of proposed guidelines, with TikTokers and Insta influencers especially dictating advice like "Don't call, never double text," etc. But each age group is a bit less dogmatic than in past years.

One distinguishable—but not surprising—difference is that Boomers prefer a phone chat to texting. This number decreases as the age is lowered. "The majority of Baby Boomers (60%) like to call to arrange a date. This is 13% more than Generation X, 25% more than millennials, and 26% more than Generation Z." Also in descending order is how chatty a first online message is. Boomers say the most, with Gen Z usually messaging the least. (Think: Sup. How u?)

But when it comes to getting deep, there is one generation who takes the cake—and that's Generation X. This was measured in the amount of texts that go back and forth between potential daters, noting they're not just one-word questions and answers. A little more meat on the bones, so to speak.

Some attribute this to your everyday existential crisis hitting some Gen X-ers (and older millennials) right now. Also, possibly being the latchkey baby-busters that they are, maybe they just have a bit more time to get into the "heavy" stuff.

@thirdactunscripted

Does this resonate with you? I want to know how many people out there are starting their third act! Opportunity is knocking! It’s time to seize the day. #opportunity #seizetheday #thirdact #nextchapter #newbeginnings #newlife #thirdactunscripted #genx #genxwomen

Naturally, this isn't a one-size-fits-all. Any person of any age, any gender, any sexual orientation doesn't just fit into a box, no matter how many polls are conducted. Gen Zers (and yes, Boomers and all other generations) can and do "go deep," as well. But again, as the generation who didn't necessarily have the tools to discuss trauma, were often left to their own devices, and experienced exponential change in the landscape of the world in a really short amount of time—maybe they just simply want to TALK about it.

A scene from "The Goonies" (1985).

Gen X (1965 to 1980) is often called the “forgotten generation” because it is sandwiched between the much larger baby boomer and millennial generations. However, the "forgotten" label carries a special meaning for younger Gen Xers because they were probably the least parented group of kids in American history. Those born in the ‘70s were raised when there were more dual-income households and divorced parents. So many wore keys around their necks and cared for themselves after school.

Younger Gen Xers also grew up when parents were more permissive, allowing them to stay out all day on their bikes. They only knew it was time to come home when the street lights came on. They also grew up in the last analog era without cellphones, and parents had to call around various houses to find out where their kids were. Sure, being a kid in those days was a little risky, but it also fostered a fantastic sense of independence.

This experience isn't completely limited to Gen Xers; some older millennials also got to experience this type of freedom. Because kids born between 1970 and 1985 had a very specific experience, some born in this era have taken to calling themselves Generation Goonie, after the 1985 film, “The Goonies” starring Sean Astin, Josh Brolin, Key Huy Quan, and Corey Feldman.

"Having been fortunate enough to speak to a lot of audiences, I have found that younger generations consider Gen X lucky to have grown up without social media and cellphones,” Chris Clews, a keynote speaker and author of 'The Ultimate Essential Work & Life Lessons from '80s Pop Culture,' told Newsweek. “They often come up to me and express a desire to have grown up in an era where we knew where everyone was based on the bikes in a front yard, rather than location sharing on Snapchat."


“The Goonies” is a great example of the kids from this era because they lived a feral existence, traveling long distances on their bikes, had a thirst for adventure, a crude sense of humor, and an independent spirit that meant “never say die.” When their parents were on the verge of losing their houses, they didn’t wait for them to do something; they went on a dangerous mission to find pirates’ treasure to prevent them from being destroyed by evil developers.

The Generation Goonie trend is taking off on TikTok, where many younger Gen Xers and older millennials proudly embrace the title.

@its_me____stefanie

💯 #genx #millennial #80sbaby #70sbaby #80smovies #80smusic

@amandasessions84

#thegooniesera #thegooniesgeneration #foryoupage #fyp #goodenough #goodenoughcyndilauper #thegoonies #gooniesneversaydie☠️ #gooniesneverdie #1984 #borninthe80s #90skid

@good_hearted_woman76

Heyyyyy youuuu guyyyssss…

@michellemm50

Ok I’m here for this #fyp #foryou #over40 #vibes #zennial #millennial #genx #gooniesmovie




"1981, we had the best childhood out of any generation ever," Bugface wrote.

"Now this is something I’m proud to be a part of!!!!!" Rob wrote.

"Hey you guys.." 77 genx here, Yorkshire, England. We definitely are the only generation of true play outside, tree climbing, bike riding, respectful, no mobile phone, VHS watching kids," 2Dogs wrote.


There’s nothing wrong with people who want to embrace the term Gen X. But, 40 years after “The Goonies” came out in theaters, the attitudes and the independence of the kids in the movie—once deemed annoying by many—can be seen as a great example of a time that, sadly, we can never go back to. Humanity has crossed the digital divide and taken some of the adventure out of childhood. “The Goonies” is an excellent example of what we’ve lost, and those who understand the spirit of that era should be proud to embrace the title of “Goonie.”

Family

Why Gen X—'the forgotten generation'—might just make the best grandparents

Those latchkey kid qualities will come in clutch as we enter this stage of life.

Gen Xers will be the coolest grandparents ever.

Generation X came of age with The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink, fought our way through the young adult years with Reality Bites and Friends, and managed the madness of middle age with Modern Family and The Office.

Now the "MTV generation" (yes, we really have been defined by our entertainment as much as anything else) is hitting a new life milestone as our kids start having babies. That's right, Gen Xers are becoming grandparents. The Brat Pack are turning into "The Golden Girls." Seems unreal, yet here we are.

pretty in pink, 80s, john hughes, coming of age, film, breakfast clubThe Breakfast Club is having grandbabies.Giphy

But no need to fret too much, slackers, because Gen X is not destined to be typical grandparents. We've already begun to establish that fact with our resistance to being called Grandma or Grandpa or any variation thereof. Gen X wants its own nicknames to match our unconventional, non-conformist vibe. Call us Bubs and Gigi. Popo and Yaya. Skipper and Queenie. Anything but Gramps and Gran, please.

We need cool nicknames because Gen Xers will inevitably be the coolest grandparents ever. After all, we're the coolest generation. It's just a fact. Everyone knows it.

cool, genx, generation x, grandparents, cool kidsEveryone knows it.Giphy

But for those who doubt, here's what makes "the forgotten generation" custom-made for grandparenthood:

Gen X is practical and resourceful

Grandkid got a bean stuck up their nose? Gen X won't panic. We've seen it all and we're excellent problem solvers. There's no grandkid shenanigan we can't handle. Think of all the stuff we had to figure out by ourselves when we were growing up and how we can pass those skills down to the grandkids. They're going to be shocked by what we're able to do.

Gen X is resilient but caring

We hear a lot about pendulum swings when it comes to parenting, and Gen X hasn't been immune to that phenomenon. The benign (and sometimes not-so-benign) neglect many Gen Xers experienced as kids may have led to some overprotectiveness and hovering in our own parenting styles, but we've learned a lot from both methods. We know that hardship builds character, but so do hugs. We've learned the balance of toughness and tenderness, so when the grandkid falls down, we'll encourage them to dust themselves off, give them a quick squeeze, and send them right back to the playground.

ferris bueller, dance, genx, generations, grandparentsMatthew Broderick Dancing GIFGiphy

Gen X is in tune with our inner child

If any generation has done the work of healing our inner child, it's Gen X. At least, let's hope most have. We've had a lot of decades now to come to terms with our upbringing, to heal the hurt parts, and to remember the joy and wonder of those 70s and 80s childhoods. Who better to hang out with the grandkids? We'll take them to the park and show them how to jump off the swing. We'll take them exploring in nature, make a picnic under a tree, and feel the grass between our toes. And we will thoroughly love it as it reminds us of our own childhoods.

Gen X is adaptable and tech-savvy

As the generation that didn't grow up with the Internet but raised kids who did, Gen X has had to adapt to all kinds of new, wonderful, and terrifying technologies in our parenting journeys. As a result, we can help out when the grandkids have some newfangled devices with unforeseen issues that their parents have no clue about. We've been there and done that and have the scars to prove it. Hopefully our adaptability will rub off on the younger set.

genx, say anything, tech, savvy, grandparentsGIF by moodmanGiphy

Gen X values work-life balance

We may not really be at retirement age yet, but Gen X is dialed in on work-life balance. We've got time for the grandkids because we make time for the grandkids. The rat race always got a cynical side eye from Gen X, and even those who've found success in the professional world aren't willing to sacrifice family for the company's bottom line. We'll make some sacrifices to give the grandkids some valuable real-life experiences, and we can teach them what really matters in life in the process.

In other words, Gen X is going to rock grandparenthood, shedding the stereotypes of older generations. We haven't done any other part of life according to the standard rules, and we're definitely not going to start now. We'll be writing our own grandparent playbook as we go, and our grandkids will be all the better for it.

Joy

Gen X has hit 'that stage' of life and is not handling it very well

We are NOT prepared for Salt-n-Pepa to replace Michael McDonald in the waiting room at the doctor's office, thankyouverymuch.

Gen X is eating dinner earlier and earlier. It's happening.

The thing about Gen X being in our 40s and 50s now is that we were never supposed to get "old." Like, we're the cool, aloof grunge generation of young tech geniuses. Most of the giants that everyone uses every day—Google, Amazon, YouTube—came from Gen X. Our generation is both "Friends" and "The Office." We are, like, relevant, dammit.

And also, our backs hurt, we need reading glasses, our kids are in college and how in the name of Jennifer Aniston's skincare regimen did we get here?

It's weird to reach the stage when there's no doubt that you aren't young anymore. Not that Gen X is old—50 is the new 30, you know—but we're definitely not young. And it seems like every day there's something new that comes along to shove that fact right in our faces. When did hair start growing out of that spot? Why do I suddenly hate driving at night? Why is this restaurant so loud? Does that skin on my arm look…crepey?

As they so often do, Penn and Kim Holderness from The Holderness Family have captured the Gen X existential crisis in a video that has us both nodding a long and laughing out loud. Salt-n-Pepa in the waiting room at the doctor's office? Uh, no. That's a line we are not ready to cross yet. Nirvana being played on the Classic Rock station? Nope, not prepared for that, either.

Watch:

Hoo boy, the denial is real, isn't it? We grew up on "Choose Your Own Adventure" books, for goodness sake, and it's starting to feel like we made a wrong choice a chapter or two back and suddenly landed our entire generation in a time warp. This isn't real, is it? Thirty years ago was the 1970s. That's just a Gen X fact. So what if we've lived long enough for our high school fashions to go out of style and then back into style and then back out of style again?

Seriously, though, we can either lament our age and stage in life or we can laugh about it, and people are grateful to the Holdernesses for assisting with the latter. Gen X fans are also thrilled to see their own experiences being validated, because at this point, we've all had that moment in the grocery store or the waiting room when one of our jams came on and we immediately went into a panic.

"They were playing The Cure in the grocery store and I almost started crying," wrote one commenter. "I mean, how 'alternative' can you be if you're being played in Krogers? You guys are great! Thanks for making us laugh."

"I couldn’t believe it when I heard Bohemian Rhapsody being played in Walmart," shared another. "That was edgy in my day."

"I know!!! Bon Jovi at the grocery store!!! That was my clue in!!" added another.

"Long live Gen Xers! We have to be strong!! We can get through this together!! #NKOTBmeetsAARP" wrote on commenter.You can find more from the Holderness Family on their Facebook page, their podcast and their website, theholdernessfamily.com.


This article originally appeared last year.