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A PERSONAL MESSAGE FROM UPWORTHY
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Identity

My wife surprised her coworkers when she came out as trans. Then they surprised her.

She was ready for one reaction but was greeted with a beautiful response.

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

Zoe comes out to her coworkers.


Society, pay attention. This is important.

My wife, Zoe, is transgender. She came out to us — the kids and me — last summer and then slowly spread her beautiful feminine wings with extended family, friends, and neighbors.

A little coming out here, a little coming out there — you know how it is.

It's been a slow, often challenging process of telling people something so personal and scary, but pretty much everyone has been amazing.

However, she dreaded coming out at the office.

She works at a large technology company, managing a team of software developers in a predominantly male office environment. She's known many of her co-workers and employees for 15 or so years. They have called her "he" and "him" and "Mr." for a very long time. How would they handle the change?

While we have laws in place in Ontario, Canada, to protect the rights of transgender employees, it does not shield them from awkwardness, quiet judgment, or loss of workplace friendships. Your workplace may not become outright hostile, but it can sometimes become a difficult place to go to every day because people only tolerate you rather than fully accept you.

But this transition needed to happen, and so Zoe carefully crafted a coming out email and sent it to everyone she works with.

The support was immediately apparent; she received about 75 incredibly kind responses from coworkers, both local and international.

She then took one week off, followed by a week where she worked solely from home. It was only last Monday when she finally went back to the office.

First day back at work! I asked if I could take a "first day of school" type picture with her lunchbox. She said no. Spoilsport.

Despite knowing how nice her colleagues are and having read so many positive responses to her email, she was understandably still nervous.

Hell, I was nervous. I made her promise to text me 80 billion times with updates and was more than prepared to go down there with my advocacy pants on if I needed to (I might be a tad overprotective).

And that's when her office pals decided to show the rest of us how to do it right.

She got in and found that a couple of them had decorated her cubicle to surprise her:

LGBTQ, coming out, work

Her cubicle decorated with butterflies.

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

Butterflies! Streamers! Rainbows! OMG!

And made sure her new name was prominently displayed in a few locations:

empathy, employment, understanding

Zoe written on the board.

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

They got her a beautiful lily with a "Welcome, Zoe!" card:

coworkers, mental health, community

Welcome lily and card

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

And this tearjerker quote was waiting for her on her desk:

Oscar Wilde, job, employment

A quote from Oscar Wilde.

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

To top it all off, a 10 a.m. "meeting" she was scheduled to attend was actually a coming out party to welcome her back to work as her true self — complete with coffee and cupcakes and handshakes and hugs.

acceptance, friendship, relationships

Coming out party with cupcakes.

All photos by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

(I stole one, and it was delicious.)

NO, I'M NOT CRYING. YOU'RE CRYING.

I did go to my wife's office that day. But instead of having my advocacy pants on, I had my hugging arms ready and some mascara in my purse in case I cried it off while thanking everyone.

I wish we lived in a world where it was no big deal to come out.

Sadly, that is not the case for many LGBTQ people. We live in a world of bathroom bills and "religious freedom" laws that directly target the members of our community. We live in a world where my family gets threats for daring to speak out for trans rights. We live in a world where we can't travel to certain locations for fear of discrimination — or worse.

So when I see good stuff happening — especially when it takes place right on our doorstep — I'm going to share it far and wide. Let's normalize this stuff. Let's make celebrating diversity our everyday thing rather than hating or fearing it.

Chill out, haters. Take a load off with us.

It's a lot of energy to judge people, you know. It's way more fun to celebrate and support them for who they are.

Besides, we have cupcakes.


This article originally appeared on 04.08.16.

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Community

Psychologists explain what the number of unread emails in your inbox reveals about your personality

Having thousands of unread emails is not purely "good habit vs. bad habit."

Screenshot by Annie Reneau

This image causes some people intense anxiety, while for others it's just par for the course.

Email has been a regular fixture in our lives since the mid-to-late 1990s, with many of us having many different inboxes to manage from personal to work to organizations to side hustles. Our email life can become overwhelming and it definitely requires some effort to maintain it, but what that effort and maintenance look like varies drastically from person to person.

Variations in email management have prompted many a debate amongst friends, particularly when one catches a glimpse of another's 20,000+ unreads on their phone and panics. "Why do you have so many unread emails?!? That would cause me so much anxiety!" says the one, while the other just shrugs and says, "I skip the ones I don't want to read and it's not worth taking the time to delete them," as if that's a perfectly reasonable approach.

What do these reactions to emails say about each person? Is one right and the other wrong? Does one have good habits and the other bad?

Some folks will make a convincing argument for orderly and organized inbox habits, touting the benefits of the "Inbox Zero" method in which you follow a few steps to keep your inbox cleared. Such habits can help those who feel overwhelmed by too many emails and can't ignore inbox clutter to feel more at ease.

But before judging those with cluttered inboxes too harshly, though, it's important to note that our brains don't all work the same way. For some, keeping up a clear inbox causes more stress than ignoring emails and they feel that the time and attention it takes to manage it every day isn't worth it.

Here's what psychologists have to say about people's email inbox habits and what they mean about our personalities.

First, let's look at the reality of email and how much of it is even worth our time, because we all know a lot of the email we receive is worthless. Researchers wrote in Harvard Business Review, “Of the eight hours managers devote to e-communications each week, we estimate 25% of that time is consumed reading emails that should not have been sent to that particular manager and 25% is spent responding to emails that the manager should never have answered.”

And that's just work email. Our personal inboxes are full of junk with seemingly endless waves of email marketing and advertisements masquerading as helpful information. Some of us understand that reality and see it as all the more reason to actively manage our inboxes, while some of us see it as a reason to simply ignore most email that comes in.

someone holding their phone with their email open

Are you a filer and deleter or an ignorer?

Photo by Yogas Design on Unsplash

According to research psychologist Larry Rosen, Ph.D. told Business Insider that people who routinely file and delete emails are often trying to avoid the anxiety that comes with seeing emails pile up. "A huge, exploding inbox releases stress-based neurotransmitters, like cortisol, which make them anxious," he said.

Some of that anxiety could stem from perfectionism (or vice versa) and seeing notifications build up is a reminder of everything you're not doing or able to do.

“It could be tied to feeling overwhelmed to the point that each unread notification is yet another piled task piled on top of a thousand others,” Jenn Hardy, a licensed psychologist in Maryville, Tennessee, told HuffPost.

Rosen told Business Insider that people who stay on top of their inboxes are often people with a high need for control in their lives. "They need an external way to have control over the world," he said, so the idea of just letting emails pile up willy nilly is way too stressful.

On the other hand, people who do let their emails pile up may feel an opposite kind of stress. The idea of managing it all creates anxiety, and they feel more comfortable just ignoring it. Ultimately, there have to be occasional purges, but that's preferable to the day-to-day maintenance stress for some.

“They may find this works better for them, leaves them less stressed and helps them focus their time and energy on other matters," Hardy pointed out. Social psychologist Ron Friedman told Business Insider that ignoring email "can also mean that you recognize that [monitoring and organizing those emails] isn't helping you achieve progress," adding that recognition is "a sign of intelligence."

Email ignorers might also just be more relaxed personality types in general. More Type B than Type A.

“They may be less of a perfectionist type and go more with the flow,” Lena Derhally, a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in social media and anxiety, told Huff Post. “They may not see having unread notifications or clear inboxes as a priority, and they may not feel bad/guilty/shameful about being unresponsive.”

The one solid argument for keeping your inbox under control regardless of your personality type is the environmental impact of data storage. Deleting emails may be fairly low on the rung of carbon to-dos, but it's a simple one that anyone can do. Plus, using the environment as an incentive to clean up your email habits might be helpful for people who actually want the Inbox Zero life but have a hard time getting motivated to do it.

What's funny about all of this is how people's email worlds can be completely alien to one another. My friends look at my unread email notifications and chastise me for causing them anxiety (even though they're my inboxes, not theirs—just seeing the number in the bubble on my phone stresses them out). I, on the other hand, cannot even conceptualize how they keep all of their email inboxes cleaned up every day. Like, does not compute even a little bit.

It takes all kinds of people to make the world go round, so as long as people are happy with their chosen methods, we can stop judging and even celebrate our inbox habit differences.

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Joy

Weird jobs most people don't even know exist that can actually make good money

There's a person who's whole job is just to take care of plants on movie and TV sets.

Photo by Battlecreek Coffee Roasters on Unsplash

There are people who make a living smelling and tasting things.

When people ask kids what they want to be when they grow up, some common career themes usually emerge—doctor, firefighter, teacher, artist, computer programmer, architect, pilot, journalist and the like. These jobs are familiar to everyone, and even if we don't fully know the ins and out of what each job entails, we have a solid picture of what they do and why their job is important.

There are also less obvious jobs that we might not think of as dream careers but still know exist and are important, like mortician, plumber, garbage collector, truck driver or postal delivery person.

But there's also a whole world of jobs that most people have never heard of or even imagined—and some of them even pay surprisingly well. Here's a handful of weird jobs that people do without most of the world knowing.

Escort (but not that kind of escort)

The movies make much of "escorts" in our nation's capital, but this is a different kind of escort that involves having security clearance and being physically present. That's it.

"When you work as a government employee or contractor with a top secret clearance, after you retire or get laid off, you can work as an escort within classified facilities called SCIFs. Escorts are needed when an uncleared person needs to work in the SCIF. For example, it might be a top secret data center that needs an air conditioner repair. All the escort has to do is watch the repairman and stay with them throughout the visit. They usually just drag a chair over and sit there while getting paid damn good money." – BaconReceptacle

"One of the most quietly-frustrating months of my life was doing hard labor on a government building site as a construction worker, going like ~80 hours a week, and realizing the annoying escort I had who was sitting around all day watching us was making a significant amount more than me." – Few-Metal8010

Tasters and smellers

Some people get paid just to taste or smell things. Even pet food. (How does one get this job? Genuinely curious.)

"I used to be friends with one of Heineken's official tasters. She literally drank every day for work. Don't know how the pay was but she didn't seem broke." – curiousvegetables

"My sister in law is 'the nose' for yankee candle. When a vat of scented wax is ready, she sniffs it." – Loreo1964

"My mom used to work for a sensory company that was outsourced by huge brands to do taste, smell, texture testing. Once many years ago I got in on a hot pocket panel because their target market was teens. I made $20 and got a free hot pocket. She made good money though!" – brownbostonterrier


woman hanging a piece of art

Hanging art is an art in itself.

Photo by ConvertKit on Unsplash

Professional picture hanger

Yep, the thing all of us do in our own homes for free (with varying levels of success) is an actual paid job for people in the art world. And some of them can make a pretty decent living at it.

"An old neighbor of mine was a picture hanging specialist contracted by many museums. He made 75K a year at the time (about 150K adjusted for inflation)." – Schwarzes__Loch

"A buddy of mine does this and makes great money. Most of the clients are rich people with private collections. They also pack and transport the artwork." – frankyseven

Flavorists

On the other end of the food business are the magical chemists who create the yummy flavors we enjoy in candies and other treats.

"My dad was a master flavorist. He made artificial flavors for candy, beverages and lots of other things. He made a LOT of money during his career." – Whoru87

"I'm an analytical chemist for a flavor company who (among other things) reverse engineers competitive flavors to give the flavor chemists insight lol.

Indeed they make bank.

Finding out how you can make a naturally derived ie citrus flavor taste the same every time when you have to source your extracts and oils from different places in the world, at different times of the year, while the stock might be a different age due to supply issues can be a lot more complex than one might think." – die_lahn

"It is my absolute dream job to be a certified flavor chemist/flavorist. Used to work under a couple at a very niche company (could only make fruit/menthol flavors), and recently moved into food industry thinking I’d be able to gain more experience in savory applications. Unfortunately that has not been the case for me so far. Wish they had more flavor houses hiring in Norcal! Learning directly under an expert is the only way to do it." – Successful-Ad5488


set of hobbiton from lord of the rings

Someone has to keep the plants on set thriving.

Photo by Neha Godbole on Unsplash

Greensperson on film sets

There are actually a lot of jobs on film sets that people aren't aware of, but taking care of plants on sets full time is certainly not on most people's radar.

"I’m a greensperson in the film industry. I’m responsible for building and maintaining the plants and trees on a set." – Prospector_Steve

"In general many people sleep on behind the scenes jobs in Hollywood. It’s a good way to make money and you get to meet celebrities." – Immediate_Revenue_90

"A lot of filming locations are chosen based on the tax breaks the studio can get for filming there, and not on the 'correct' climate or biome. And sometimes, an outdoor scene will be shot on an indoor stage if an appropriate location can't be found which is safe, accessible, meets the needs of the camera positioning, etc.

A film/TV production is a massive, expensive machine, and often small details have to be sacrificed in order to keep it oiled and running smoothly. This isn't just true of the greens department, but all of them, really (costumes, props, etc.)" – ethacct

Organ runner

More commonly known as a "medical courier," this job entails transporting human organs (or tissue or blood) from place to place. Time is of the essence with an organ being transplanted, so this job requires being on call and knowing how to safely transport the goods. But according to at least one person on Reddit, it's a pretty sweet gig:

"I worked as an 'Organ deliverer.' Forgot the official title for around a year.

Job was simple I was stationed in the biggest hospital in my state. If an organ donation was received that needed to go to another hospital for a transplant it was my job to move it.

I was paid $40 an hour to most nights sit on my ass in the break room and watch TV or play on my phone. I'd probably only have to deliver something once a week at most. It was an okay job except that it was boring as shit, since the hospital I was 'Stationed' at did 95% of all the organ transplants in my state. And the other major hospital that did them was around 3 hours away and you wouldn't ever have to go up to north to it.

Lots of pay to sit around but well I wasn't exactly feeling fulfilled career wise." – Larcya

bats flying

Bat tracking (and other urban wildlife tracking) is an important ecological job.

Photo by Clément Falize on Unsplash

Batman (or urban bat tracker, to be precise)

This might be the most poetic job description ever written:

"You ever heard of an urban bat tracker? That's me. I'm the guy who steps into the night when the city sleeps, tracking the unseen ballet of bats against the backdrop of empty offices and starlit skies. My job is a blend of science and solitude. Armed with detectors that translate bat echolocation into something audible, I map their flight, study their behavior, and contribute to research that's vital for urban ecosystem conservation. It's not just a job it's a commitment to understanding these misunderstood creatures of the night. The experience is surreal. As the world winds down, my work begins. I walk through parks and alleyways, under bridges and alongside rivers. The citys nocturnal pulse becomes my soundtrack - a car horn here, a distant laughter there, all underlined by the constant, rhythmic clicking of my bat detector. Each night is a lesson in patience and awe. Bats, these tiny, agile creatures, dart and dive in the darkness, almost like shadows flitting at the edge of my vision. There's a poetry in their flight, a kind of silent music that fills the night air. The pay is decetn, surprisingly. It's a niche field, and expertise in urban wildlife ecology can be hard to come by. But it's not the money that keeps me here. It's the moments of connection, the feeling of being a part of something bigger and wilder, right in the heart of the city. Sometimes the most extraordinary things are hidden in plain sight, waiting to be discovered in the quiet symphony of the night." – Local_dog91

There are so many more interesting jobs, from testing medical equipment to felting mini-golf courses to taking care of rich people's cars, homes and horses. If you're looking for work, keep your eyes and ears out for unusual opportunities. You just never know what kinds of careers you might stumble into.

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Democracy

Under French law, businesses can’t email employees after work hours

In France, there’s a rule against emailing employees on the weekend.

Image via Pixabay.

France is famous for protecting its employees.

Nothing can ruin a relaxing weekend or holiday like an email from the office. Even if there's no need to take action until Monday, the unwanted intrusion of professional life can really suck the joy out of a Sunday afternoon barbecue.

That's why the country that's famous for giving its employees 30 days off a year and 16 weeks of full-paid family leave in May 2016 made itself even cooler with its new "right to disconnect" rule.

In France, if you're a company of 50 employees or more, you cannot email an employee after typical work hours. The labor law amendment has come about because studies show that in the digital age, it's increasingly difficult for people to distance themselves from the workplace during their off hours.

This new provision allows people to get the full advantage of their time off.

culture, France, labor laws, emails

France Kiss GIF by Robert E Blackmon.

Giphy by Robert E. Blackmon.

"All the studies show there is far more work-related stress today than there used to be, and that the stress is constant," Benoit Hamon of the French National Assembly told the BBC. "Employees physically leave the office, but they do not leave their work. They remain attached by a kind of electronic leash — like a dog. The texts, the messages, the emails — they colonize the life of the individual to the point where he or she eventually breaks down."

The rule stipulates that companies must negotiate policies that limit the spillover of work into their employees' private lives. Although there are no penalties for violations, companies are to establish "charters of good conduct" that specify the times which employees are free from being digitally connected to their workplaces.

This right to disconnect amendment was passed as part of a controversial French labor law that some say will weaken unions and enhance employee job insecurity. The digital disconnect amendment was the one part of the law that's been viewed favorably by the French public.

This article originally appeared on 11.12.17

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