Emotional intelligence expert shares the best way to keep your cool after negative feedback
"Learn the 1 sentence that'll make you better at everything."

A depressed office worker.
It’s your yearly review time with your boss, and although you know you’ve done a good job over the past year, the boss gives you a good old’ fashioned compliment sandwich. She starts with a compliment, then hits you with some pointed criticism, and then ends with another positive message. But all you can think about is the negative feedback you received in the middle.
After receiving the negative feedback, you feel a bit queasy and the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. You’re dealing with a rush of emotions, but you have to respond. What do you say? Justin Bariso, author of EQ Applied :The Real-World Guide to Emotional Intelligence and a thought leader on the subjects of leadership, management, and emotional intelligence, says that before you say something you’re going to regret, ask for some time to give a response.
How to respond to negative feedback and criticism
“Whenever you receive negative feedback, and you’re tempted to say something you’re likely to regret, say this instead: Thanks for expressing your thoughts...Please give me a day or so to process this, and I’ll respond,” Bariso writes on Twitter.
Whenever you receive negative feedback, and you’re tempted to say something you’re likely to regret, say this instead:
Thanks for expressing your thoughts...Please give me a day or so to process this and I’ll respond.
Here’s why this response is so great:
— Justin Bariso (@JustinJBariso) July 17, 2023
Why is it so important to wait before responding to negative feedback that may have been emotionally painful? “Your first emotion is your emotional reaction. It comes from the amygdala, the little almond-shaped part of your brain that jumps into action when you feel attacked. But once time has passed, the amygdala calms down…and you start thinking more rationally,” Bariso writes.
“Just giving yourself a day to process the feedback helps you to see it much differently. Instead of seeing it as hurtful, you can now see it as helpful,” he continues. “So…The next time you get critical feedback, take a step back, and be a diamond cutter. You'll transform that feedback into something valuable—and that'll make you better at...Just about everything.”
An employee getting yelled at with a bullhorn. via Canva/Photos
Bariso says his wait-a-day approach works for “just about everything” because we have to deal with negative feedback in almost every facet of our lives, whether it’s work, relationships, or hobbies. It’s reassuring to know that in nearly all cases, we have the option to delay responding to unexpected negative feedback.
Bariso believes that in these emotionally heightened moments, it’s better to respond than to react.
The reason why, in an emotionally charged situation, our initial reaction may not be appropriate is that, according to Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, BCC, we all have a hard-wired impulse to react quickly to anything that feels like a threat. “Thinking takes time, and when a bear is charging at you, you don’t have time to ponder how the bear might be feeling or why exactly you feel so afraid,” Bobby writes at Growing Self. “You just leap to your feet and run to safety, thanks to the finely-tuned threat sensors that are baked into the machinery of your brain.”
Next time you feel your heart racing and your blood pressure rising because you’ve been criticized, whether fairly or unfairly, just realize that it’s best to respond when your body doesn’t think it is being chased by a wild animal. Then you can reply to your critics in an honest, strategic, and thoughtful way. Because a thoughtful, strategic reaction to criticism shows emotional intelligence, which is one of the most highly sought-after traits in any type of relationship.