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Wrestler turned mental health advocate takes a stand for those who are labeled 'too sensitive'

"Being sensitive is not a weakness."

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A sensitive man crying.

It’s perplexing that people view sensitivity as a weakness. Why is it wrong that some people have more empathy than others and that they feel life on a much deeper level? Without highly sensitive people, we wouldn’t have many great artists, activists, or humanitarians. Doesn’t it seem like we need sensitive people now more than ever?

If you’re someone who has been made to feel weak or inferior because you're attuned to the emotional states of yourself and others, you have a new supporter in an unlikely place. Patrick McNeil, an actor, award-winning filmmaker, and professional wrestler, who goes by the name Rush Rancid, says that highly sensitive people should be celebrated, not maligned. And, if anyone has a problem with that, they may be forced to eat a turnbuckle.

What's wrong with being 'too sensitive'?

McNiel is a content creator who makes videos on social media, encouraging people to become their authentic selves. Although he’s not a trained therapist, he hopes that others can learn from his seven-year journey to become the highest version of himself.


“Being sensitive is not a weakness. Far from it, actually. It's a trait that calls for vulnerability in a cold-hearted world. Sensitive people have a warm heart, still that hasn't hardened in a world that often demands it or demands you to stay silent and to not show emotion and to be tough. Being in tune with your emotions is, in my own experience, an advantage,” McNeil said. “Not feeling them or suppressing them, I find, makes you very closed off, makes you super cold, and the little time and the little regard that you have for yourself and your own well-being.”

Why is it good to be sensitive?

Ultimately, McNeil believes that being sensitive is a significant part of living an authentic existence because it means that you have the opportunity to be in touch with yourself and to experience the world in all of its intensity. This also allows you to change and evolve because you are in tune with yourself. In McNeil's eyes, those who hold back their feelings and refuse to dive deep into themselves are shutting themselves off from the totality of life and the opportunity to change.


“So the next time someone says you're too sensitive, understand that they're more than likely have suppressed emotions or things that they choose not to face within themselves or within their own world,” McNeil ends his video.

While people may judge one another for how sensitive they are, psychologist Elaine Aron says that a subset of the population are HSPs or Highly Sensitive Persons. She says these people are high in a personality trait known as sensory-processing sensitivity (SPS). Those with high levels of SPS display stronger reactions to external stimuli, pain, hunger, and light, while experiencing emotional sensitivity and having a complex inner life.

Those who criticize others for being too sensitive should look at McNeil’s video as an invitation to question whether they’ve shut themselves off from the world. And, if so, what are they trying to avoid? Who’s the truly sensitive person, those who have run from all feelings or those who accept the totality of existence with open arms?

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Gen Xer asking about Boomers' 'emotional immaturity' taps a multi-generational parenting issue

“If we don’t ASK about it or TALK about it, the problem doesn’t exist!”

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People discuss what it's like growing up with emotionally immature parents.

Parenting styles change every generation. Gen X parents didn't have technology (i.e. Google) to rely on to raise their kids, while Millennial parents today are all about gentle parenting. While Boomers have come under fire for being absent parents and grandparents, a common gripe that people have about their parents from all generations is their lack of emotional maturity.

In a Reddit forum of Gen Xers, member @Architecturegirl opened the discussion about emotionally immature parents. She explains that after reading a book on adult children of emotionally immature parents, she noted that while many Boomer parents have been accused of being emotionally immature--it really had nothing to do with their generation. "I had never really thought of emotional immaturity - like an inability to admit mistakes or preferring mind-numbing, polite conversation to meaningful connection - might be a generational issue," she wrote.

Rather, being raised by emotionally immature parents is a common multi-generational parenting issue--and many people have opened up about what the realities of being raised by emotionally immature parents looked like. Plus, they shared how they are finding healing. These are their most relatable stories.

mature, emotional maturity, emotionally immature, emotional immaturity, emotional intelligence This Country Comedy GIF by BBC Three Giphy

Stories

"In my house, the solution to any emotion-related problem (bullying, divorce, feeling disappointed, the fact that they sold my puppy during my birthday party so I 'wouldn’t notice,' and any/all lesser difficulties) was: 'if we don’t ASK about it or TALK about it, the problem doesn’t exist!' If got too big to be unnoticeable, the advice was something like, 'just ignore it,' and/or 'everything will be fine.' Or, the BLANK STARE: ie. 'I do not want to hear about this…we don’t talk about THAT…quit bothering me.'" —@Architecturegirl

"I had cancer and my mother told me she couldn’t talk about it because it was her biggest fear. Bugger my fears (I survived obviously and have been in remission for 25 years). Anything serious in my life she’ll just walk away as I’m talking or give a little laugh like she’s pretending to listen but has no idea of how wrong her reaction is to what I’m saying. It’s taken me 53 years but I’ve finally given up discussing anything of importance to me with her. They’re such a damaged (and damaging) generation." —@PuzzleheadedCat9986

"Among my friends and I who are Gen X it is a perfect 50-50 split between parents having emotional intelligence and those that don't. Two anecdotes: My wife's mother will still not say 'period' or 'sex.' They were 'the thing' (raised eyebrow) and the other thing (said in a disgusted tone). That was the sum total of the support my wife got. A friend grew up with a step father his whole childhood (bio father left right after birth). Step Dad was always detached and disinterested, and always drinking. Not violent, but not interested. When we were college age, his step dad got sober and realized what he had missed. Apologized and grew. Really made the effort to the point that in his late twenties my friend agreed to be officially adopted and changed his last name. Step dad is currently the most supportive and most present grandad of our group of friends." —@Mourning_Walk

silent treatment, emotional maturity, emotional immaturity, the silent treatment, giving silent treatment Will Forte Silent Treatment GIF by hero0fwar Giphy

"My mother and the silent treatment are like 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽. I don’t think that woman has ever once used her words to express displeasure or disappointment, just a lot of huffing, puffing, slamming cabinets, eye rolls and going days without speaking. Her record was once 17 whole days! It was the most peaceful 17 days of my teenage life 😂." —@ThickConfusion1318

"My mom can’t take criticism. Like at all. If I say, 'Hey, you said/did this thing that really hurt me.' Her response is usually either to blame me and point out something completely unrelated that I did as a 'See? You’re not perfect either!', make excuses 'I meant something totally different than what I said, so it’s fine.', act like I’m completely overreacting 'You’re so over dramatic! You’re always upset over everything and I have to walk on eggshells!' Or to just get angry and start berating me for daring to bring it up to begin with. So it pretty much puts me in a position where I can’t talk to her about anything at all wrong in our relationship because she’s immediately going to take it as an attack and get defensive no matter how gently I word it. She always ends up upset and nothing is solved. So the best I can do is put distance and space between us to protect myself. And she keeps wondering why I never call or visit anymore." —@barb4290

"I am pretty sure that as a generation, millennials suffered from emotional neglect from our parents. For me it was just as simple as my parents being unable to show any type of affection and would avoid/refuses certain topics of conversations. my mom was pretty dismissive and acted as it was an annoyance for her when I got my first period. She acted similarly as I hit several milestone growing up and it just never felt safe to talk to her about anything. Also, my dad would throw tantrums whenever he would not get his way, then blame my mom." —@therdre

angry, anger, handle emotions, mad, emotional Angry Inside Out GIF by Disney Pixar Giphy

"Growing up, my mother was not able to compartmentalize her stress from her job as a public school teacher. Would take it out on me for not eating peas or something at dinner, and I'd end up being yelled at by dad because he'd always take her side. Didn't understand until I got older, and they're still together, but at the time I was like wtf you see this, its crazy." —@SeenNotScene

Healing Solutions

"'Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents' by Lindsay Gibson is the GenX guidebook to dealing with all of our trauma spilling out at midlife. This book / concept comes up often in this subreddit. Personally it helped me a lot." —@ND_Poet

"One thing I needed to come to terms with is that I cannot control my mother’s actions or feelings. Period. It was not my responsibility to do that. It was her responsibility to manage those things. It had been hers for a very long time, since way before ny sisters and I were even a thought. Once I understood that - not only on an intellectual level but an actual felt level, it became easier to make choices for my own well being. Boundaries. As others have said." —@Stop_Already

boundaries, setting boundaries, boundary setting, boundary, healthy boundaries Jake Johnson Fox GIF by New Girl Giphy

"Here's what I have determined after raising kids to young adulthood. My parents did the best they could with the hand they were dealt. They did better than their own parents." —@Reader47b

"Finally, at age 48, I stepped away from their table, that I kept trying to sit at. I was trying to rescue them. Finally realized, I can't. They make the same amount of noise whether I am safe on shore, or jump in to the deep end and drown trying to rescue. Same amount of noise. And it does zero good. Put yourself first. Then your spouse and any kiddos next. That's it. It's ok to go low or no contact. It sort of hasn't mattered in my situation. And it's ok to grieve that you didn't have the parents you needed, and if you have kids, they won't have the grandparents they needed either. But you can be your parent (reparent yourself), and be the best damn grandparent if that is where you get to be. Break the cycle. You are worth it." —@redtail_rising

"One thing that helps me is to remember that it's not her fault she's like that (her parents were abusive - I don't think her emotionally capabilities developed normally). And keep my distance if she's upset about something. I am not her therapist, she cannot make me be her therapist, and I cannot convince her to go to therapy. Her mental health is not my problem." —@WhiskerWarrior2435

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"The book 'Stop Walking on Eggshells' by Paul Mason and Randi Krieger is geared toward coping with family who have BPD, but it is a good overall guide on how to set boundaries and protect yourself against toxic/dysfunctional family, regardless of underlying pathology. Highly recommend. It allowed me to finally have a relationship with my mother that didn't leave me a mess after every conversation." —@UserUnknown

"I set hard boundaries and distanced myself from them as early as possible. I accepted that I was not responsible for their feelings or the outcomes of their decisions. I stopped trying to help/correct them because they didn't want to hear it and it just created friction/tension. I just came to accept that my parents didn't want to change/learn and that was a core aspect of who they were. And, even if they did want to, they didn't want to do so as a result of interactions with me because they were accustomed to a power dynamic in which I was subordinate to them and my being an adult wasn't going to cause them to forfeit any of that power." —@DerHoggenCatten

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Trans man 'blindsided' by all the loneliness and suspicion that comes with being male

"I'm mourning the loss of a privilege I didn't even know I had."

Photo credit: Canva

This resonated with so many men.

Trans men and trans women have the unique experience of living life as more than one gender—and all the societal expectations and/or baggage that comes along with that. Their unique perspectives provide them with extremely valuable insights and opportunities for deep understanding—which, hopefully, provides those who are listening with newfound compassion for the struggle each sex endures.

Recently, a trans man opened up about the “culture shock” of navigating male loneliness, and shared how, if they had been forced to grow up with the often insidious messaging boys and men receive, it would have really damaged their psyche.

In a Reddit post, the man first got candid about the “social isolation” that comes from constantly being perceived as a "potential predator.”

It hurts
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While he noted that “all strangers, no matter their gender, keep their guard up around me,” women in particular came across as “incredibly aloof, cold, and mirthless." He did add the disclaimer that, as someone who used to have to protect themselves in the same way, they understood where the “armor” was coming from (“women aren’t just being needlessly guard[ed]”). But, for those who had never experienced life as a woman, he could easily see how this type of behavior could be viewed as “a conspiracy" against the other sex.

“Even now, with all that I know about navigating the world as a woman, I’m failing to convince my monkey-brain that this armor isn’t social rejection.”

Then there’s the lack of "inherent camaraderie,” which is something the OP got to experience as a woman, but now, is hard won. “The fact that I don’t ambiently experience mutual kinship in basic exchanges anymore is an insanely lonely feeling,” he wrote, "I'm mourning the loss of a privilege I didn’t even know I had.”

He added that the only way it’s acceptable for men to share platonic intimacy with one another is in the “very specific environment” often portrayed by the media, in activities that involve “being teamed up against an opposing force.” Otherwise, that type of emotional connection makes men seem “soft” and triggers “garden variety homophobia.”

male loneliness, male loneliness epidemic, trans, trans man, being a man, male friendships From CBS' 'Seal Team' media4.giphy.com

This led the OP to this tragic conclusion: “The human species looks so much colder standing from this side.”

“It’s now blatantly clear to me that most cis men probably experience chronic emotional malnutrition. They're deprived of social connection just enough for it to seriously f**k with their psyches, but not enough for them to realize that it’s happening,” he wrote, adding that it certainly would have done a number on him mentally to have grown up that way.

This post resonated with so many well-meaning men who have dealt with some form of this loneliness and stigma their entire lives.

“It’s so weird, like, I remember really specifically the moment going from kid to teenager where I was seen as like… cute, or harmless, or whatever to a possible threat. And it genuinely, like, really, really, really fucks you up in a way that I don’t ever hear talked about. Which is nuts to me because it’s honestly one of the worst things that’s happened to me! And a guy tried to kill me once!”

“I'm a guy who's been on the other end of that situation. Once, girl of maybe 10-12 or so [was] alone in a big store and looking scared about being alone. I consider myself a generally good person and my instinct obviously is to go to her and try and help. I genuinely paused after a step, thinking how does a strange guy twice her age approaching in this situation make anything better? It kinda sucks that I have that thought.”

“Growing up I was a big crier…Members of my family and essentially every adult in my life tried to do literally everything they could to break me of that. I remember being punished and forced to do "masculine" things in middle school like wind sprints and burpees if I did…I was rewarded for being angry instead of crying… if I got upset and swore I wasn't punished at first because it was viewed as better than the alternative…It really messed me up and honestly it didn't help that I've had complicated thoughts about my own gender since I was really young.”

“I hate seeing people bristle up when I'm being genuinely friendly and helpful. On the one hand, I know that folks are shaped by their experiences and a lot of folks have had a bad time with guys who look and sound like me. On the other hand, I can't really help what I look like or where I grew up! One good thing is that this has caused me to think a lot more about my own biases.”

male loneliness, male loneliness epidemic, trans, trans man, being a man, male friendships "It sucks to realize that just being naturally energetic, jolly, friendly, and boisterous intimidates smaller/more timid people when you're a guy.”Photo credit: Canva

“When you’ve lived under a system your whole life, learned and followed its rules of survival, and you don’t see any chance of it changing in your lifetime, it switches on a kind of coping mechanism convincing you that it’s somehow right.”

“I'm a large, loud, physically imposing man [think Hagrid with a slight cowboy vibe]... which means that I have learned to very intentionally ‘turn down’ my presence in social spaces so that people aren't freaked out. It sucks to realize that just being naturally energetic, jolly, friendly, and boisterous intimidates smaller/more timid people when you're a guy.”

“As someone who’s had to coach a newly transitioned guy that everyone just kinda doesn’t like you anymore for no discernible reason and that’s just how it is, yeah it must be a real shock to see stuff from the other side…Made me think about how different the female side of the world I live in must be. Maybe it’s a lot more open in some ways. Not like I’ll ever know though, got no choice but to play the cards I’ve been dealt.”

Still, there were a few that also offered some words of encouragement, by sharing how they were able to break through stigma, form their own friend groups, and develop emotional awareness in spite of it all.

“Practicing emotional reflection allowed me to have a more fulfilling relationship where I could immediately recognize and address how things made me feel bad before things got worse - not just with my SO, but with friends, too. Thankfully, I think society's getting a lot better at recognizing mental health struggles, including the importance of men being able to recognize the value of addressing their emotional needs.”

“Genuinely, texting your boys ‘I love you’ makes an enormous difference. Carve out a space of care if the world will not.”

men, male loneliness, trans man, transgender, friendship Two men huggingPhoto credit: Canva

“I experience a lot of what is described here. That said, this whole thread is making me feel even more thankful for the friend group I had. Large, all-male group of mostly cishet men. I'm usually the only one who will say ‘I love you’ first, but they'll all hug me, tell me how much they admire me and appreciate being my friend, talk about their feelings and ask and care about mine. This is not to brag, but to tell men that you can have this, and you can be this.”

If only we could all walk in another's shoes, empathy would be easier to come by. We'd have a visceral understanding that the world is tough for everyone, and arguably, unnecessarily so. But stories like these can be powerful reminders all the same.

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The one sign that someone is highly intelligent, according to literary genius Leo Tolstoy

He was a master of understanding the human condition.

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Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy.

Leo Tolstoy was a Russian novelist known for epic works such as War and Peace and Anna Karenina. His life experiences—from witnessing war to spiritual quests—profoundly influenced his writings and gave him profound insights into the human soul. His understanding of emotions, motivations and moral dilemmas has made his work stand the test of time, and it still resonates with people today.

Julian de Medeiros, a TikToker who shares his thoughts on philosophy, recently shared how Tolstoy knew if someone was highly intelligent—and his observation says something extraordinary about humanity.

intelligence, thinking, thought process, humanity, humans An intelligent man's thought process.Canva Photos

“The more intelligent a person is, the more he discovers kindness in others,” Tolstoy once wrote. “For nothing enriches the world more than kindness. It makes mysterious things clear, difficult things easy, and dull things cheerful.”

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Intelligent people are kind #intelligent #intelligence #kindness #smart #tolstoy #men #women


De Medeiros boiled down Tolstoy’s thoughts into a simple statement: “Intelligent people are unafraid to be kind.” He then took things a step further by noting that Tolstoy believed in the power of emotional intelligence. "To have emotional intelligence is to see the good in other people, that is what Tolstoy meant, that to be intelligent is to be kind," he added.

It seems that, according to de Medeiros, Tolstoy understood that intelligent people are kind and perceptive of the kindness in others. The intelligent person is conscious of the kindness within themselves and in the world around them.

In a 2024 opinion piece for Inc., author and speaker Jeff Hayden cites organizational psychologist Adam Grant, who says, "Generosity isn't just a sign of virtue. It's also a mark of intelligence. Data: people with high IQs have more unselfish values, give more to charity, and negotiate better deals for others. They prioritize the long-term collective good over short-term self-interest. It's smarter to be a giver than a taker."

Hayden adds on to this statement, saying, "...You can also be smart enough to be generous, thoughtful, and kind. You can be smart enough to build people up instead of tearing them down. You can be smart enough to give before you receive (or better yet, with no expectation of reciprocation.) You can be smart enough to shift the credit from yourself to others."

kindness, intelligence, humanity, human condition, be kind Kids showing kindness through sharing. Canva Photos

In other words, these findings certainly line up with what Tolstoy's take on the correlation between kindness and intelligence.

Through Tolstoy's musings, de Medeiros (and Hayden and Grant) makes a point that is often overlooked when people talk about intelligence: truly smart people are as in touch with their hearts as they are with their minds.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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