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via Jess Martini / Tik Tok

TikTok helped this mom neutralize a potential nightmare in minutes.

There are few things as frightening to a parent than losing your child in a crowded place like a shopping mall, zoo, or stadium. The moment you realize your child is missing, it's impossible not to consider the terrifying idea they may have been kidnapped.

A woman in New Zealand recently lost her son in a Kmart but was able to locate him because of a potentially life-saving parenting hack she saw on TikTok a few months before. The woman was shopping at the retailer when she realized her two-year-old son Nathan was missing. She immediately told a friend to alert the staff to ensure he didn't leave through the store's front exit.

"Another friend searched the area he was last seen," the mom wrote in a Facebook post. The mother began looking for him by rummaging through clothes racks and running through the aisles. It was the "scariest 10 minutes of my life" she later wrote.

woman stands in department store aisle surrounded by racks of clothes

For a worried mom, this view can be overwhelming and terrifying.

assets.rebelmouse.io


But then she remembered a parenting hack she saw on TikTok by blogger and children's author Jess Martini:

"If your child goes missing, screw the stares and start calling out their description," the mother recalled.

"I'm missing a little boy, he's wearing a yellow shirt and has brown hair. He's two years old and his name is Nathan!" she called out to the rest of the store while reminding herself not to "break down" in tears. "You need people to understand you loud and clear," she said.

The mother's calls immediately deputized everyone who heard them to begin looking for the child. It was like multiplying the search by a factor of 10. "I turned an aisle and heard 'He's here!'" she wrote. "I turned back the way I came and there he was. A man had walked past him after hearing me calling out."

She immediately thanked the man, realizing that if she hadn't called out he may have never known the child was missing. "Nate would have walked past him and he wouldn't have blinked," she said.

The hack came from a Tiktok posted by Martini in late 2021. It's great advice because the knee-jerk response is usually to just call out their name or silently run around looking.

@jesmartini PSA that I feel can save kids and I’ve used- if your child goes missing in public #momsoftiktok #PSA #nojudgement #fyp #4up #besafe #parentsoftiktok ♬ original sound - Jess martini

"To all parents out there, if your child goes missing, do not search in silence or just call out their name," Martini says in the video. "Shout out loud and clear. Say they're missing, give a description and repeat, repeat, repeat!"

"Everyone will be on alert, and if someone is trying to take off with your kid, it will decrease the chances of them getting away," she added.

The advice is a great reminder to make a mental note of what your child is wearing when you go out so you can easily provide a description if they go missing. It also proof that when a parent needs help, most people are more than willing to lend a hand.


This article originally appeared four years ago.

Mom and dad yelling at their kid.

There is a natural progression for most parents when their children refuse to listen, especially when it’s 8:30 am, and you’re getting ready to go to school. It goes like this: “Grace, please put on your shoes.” If that doesn’t work, we get a little more stern, “Put. On. Your. Shoes.” But when they don’t seem to listen the third time, many of us raise the pitch of our voice and scream, “PUT ON YOUR SHOES, NOW!” Then, we feel ashamed, like we lost control, but in the moment, we didn’t know what to do.

Unfortunately, according to Olivia Bergeron, LCSW, PMH-C, yelling at our kids is harmful to their mental health and development. It also isn’t an effective tactic to get children to listen. Once you begin the cycle of going from gentle reminders that aren’t heeded to screaming, you’ve set a new bassline, and kids will wait until you start yelling to know you mean business. This, in turn, creates a home where children are more likely to develop anxiety, depression, stress, and other emotional issues.

Is it ok to yell at my child?

Bergeron is a psychotherapist, parent coach, and founder of Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching to help New York City parents navigate the changes that come with having a child. Recently, she created a video on TikTok that provides five reasons why yelling at your children teaches them not to listen to you and to act out.

@parentingcoach

😳😳5 things that happen when you yell at your kids that teach them to listen less and act out more Trust me you NEED TO LISTEN if you yell! JOIN ME UPCOMING TRAINING ➡️ LINK ON HOMEPAGE #parenting #positivediscipline #parentingcoach #motherhood #parentingtips #momlife #parenthood #consciousparenting #parentingishard #parentingskills #positiveparenting

1. They stop listening to gentle reminders

“When you yell, the boundary you set is ‘Do not listen to me until I yell. I can ask 92 times I can give reminders, I could be gentle, I could be nice. But you don't need to listen until I yell.’ The boundary you have set is that when you yell, your kids need to motivate.”

2. You start a power struggle

“Every time you yell, you decrease your child's connection and power. This takes away their emotional needs on their road map which makes them act out more and listen less to try and gain back that connection and gain back that power.”



3. They don’t listen when you yell

“Every time you yell, your kids don't listen. They don't listen. They don't hear you. They will not listen to the yelling because they're just in trouble again. They're just being punished again, ‘What now? Who cares? I don’t care.’ They lose that sense of security and trust with you because they feel like you don't care.”

4. Increased push back

“Your kids will push back more and dig their heels in because you're taking away power, and you're overpowering them when they yell, and they want to feel in control, too. They do not want to feel overpowered.”

5. They’ll feel unloved

“Your kids are going to feel like they need to power back because they are feeling so small, and they are feeling like you don't love them, and they're always in trouble, and they can't do anything right. Because every time you yell, you cause blame, shame, and pain, and it teaches them that.”

The first step in changing a habit is realizing it no longer works for us. Bergeron’s advice is a good reminder to examine how our kids react when we ask them something, whether we do so in a quiet or loud voice. Once it’s clear that yelling is no longer effective, you can look for new ways to address your kids when you have a request. You may find that the gentle, easy way of doing it is more effective than the loud and harsh approach.



Lily Ebert was sent to Auschwitz-Birkenau when she was 20 and now shares her story on TikTok.

We have reached a critical point in history when the opportunity to hear live, first-hand accounts of the Holocaust are quickly dwindling. Those who survived it—and remember it—are now in their 80s, 90s and 100s, and every year their number grows smaller and smaller. We're also at a point where the reality of the Holocaust has been questioned or outright denied, and, as we near a century since the start of the tragedy, much of the values, ideals, and justice the world fought for are quickly being lost.

If you have the opportunity to sit down and talk to a Holocaust survivor, I highly recommend it. Many won't have that opportunity, however, so the next best thing is bearing witness to these stories as they are shared on video. Not to discount the power of written accounts—those are vital, too—but there's something to the human-to-human connection of hearing a person who lived through it speak about their experiences.

Some Holocaust survivors have traveled to give talks to students in schools. But at least one woman who survived the Auschwitz-Birkenau death camp is using a more modern means of reaching young people with her story: TikTok.

With the help of her great-grandson (one of her 34 great-grandchildren), 98-year-old Lily Ebert shares brief videos on her TikTok channel describing some of what she experienced during the Holocaust and answers questions viewers ask. She currently has 1.7 million followers.

Ebert was 20 years old when her family was taken from their hometown in Hungary to Auschwitz-Birkenau, the largest of the Nazi death camps. Her mother, younger brother and younger sister were immediately taken to the gas chambers and killed. Ebert was sent to work in the camp where she spent four horrifying months.

"People would say 'four months isn't so long,'" she said in one of her videos. "But let me tell you something. Even four minutes was too long."

@lilyebert

Reply to @aimeelilyhoff Not human, just numbers 🥺💔#neverforget #auschwitz #holocaust #learnontiktok #holocaustsurvivor #hell #history #viral #jewish

Ebert bears the tattoo of the number she was given—A-10572—on her forearm. "We were not humans," she said. "We were only a number."

@lilyebert

Reply to @garylee55786 It was a #hell 💔 #learnontiktok #holocaustsurvivor #neverforget #jew #survivor #important #listenandlearn #viral #97yearold #u

Ebert's story is shared in small pieces on TikTok, which can feel somewhat jarring. But TikTok is where the young folks are and reaching them with personal stories like this might be one of the most effective ways of reaching them.

People ask Ebert lots of questions and she answers some of them in videos. For instance, someone asked if she was scared she was going to die. Her thoughtful pause is as telling as her answer.

@lilyebert

Answer to @sofie_slothypanda In #auschwitz you were afraid of #life💔#concentrationcamp #holocaustsurvivor #learnontiktok #askquestions #viral #jew

"In Auschwitz you were not afraid of death," she said. "You were afraid to live."

Some people ask questions that we don't see answered often—details that people might be curious about. In one video, Ebert talked about what it was like to use the bathroom. Toilets were rows of holes in the ground and they were told when they could use them—there was no privacy whatsoever.

She even answered a question about what women did about their periods, explaining that most women didn't have their periods because the physical trauma they endured prevented it.

@lilyebert

Reply to @lesbanon We were so weak 🥺#auschwitz #concentrationcamp #holocaust #history #askquestions #learnontiktok #97yearold #jewtok #shabbat #viral

Someone else asked if there were Nazi women at Auschwitz. Ebert said there were—and that sometimes they were worse than the men.

@lilyebert

Reply to @reubenlouisg They were worse💔#auschwitz #holocaust #history #learnontiktok #askquestions #survivor #blowthisup #shabbat #shabbos #jewish #u

Another person asked if she encountered any Nazi guards who indicated that they didn't want to be torturing and killing people. Her answer was blunt: A person who was kind would not work in Auschwitz.

@lilyebert

Answer to @maeve_5640 No.#auschwitz #hell #learnontiktok #concentrationcamp #blowthisup #viral #holocaust #history #survivor #jew #hungarian #hebrew

Some people might wonder how going through such a heinous experience impacts a person's faith. Her great-grandson asked her if she still believes in God after everything she endured.

@lilyebert

Reply to @adrian_petrov.mcu Humans did it. 💔🥺#believe #askquestions #holocaust #history #God #auschwitz #love #viral #survivor #concentrationcamp #u

"Yes, I do," she said. "Because God didn't do it. So-called humans did."

@lilyebert

Never forget the horrors of the #holocaust 💔🥺 #holocaustsurvivor #concentrationcamp #jewish #jew #neverforget #history #viral #weremember #auschwitz

Ebert has been back to Auschwitz a few times since she was liberated. It's hard enough for anyone to see the enormous piles of shoes from people who were murdered there. It's harder to imagine what it would be like having seen and smelled the smoke coming from the crematorium there, knowing your loved ones were among those killed.

Ebert's "Ask me anything" posts have become a way for young people to interact with that harrowing chapter of human history in a rarely accessible way. She can choose which questions to answer and give some personal insight into what the Holocaust was like.

"What was the first thing you did after liberation?" someone asked.

@lilyebert

A #holocaustsurvivor answers your questions! #askmeanything #learnontiktok #survivor #neverforget #history #oldtok #love #hungarian #forjewpage #fypp

Ebert said she lay down on the floor and fell asleep. Sleep was practically impossible at the camp and she was so tired. Another person asked why she thinks she survived the hell of Auschwitz-Birkenau.

@lilyebert

Reply to @jakie971 To be a witness 💔🥺 #holocaustsurvivor #holocaust #auschwitz #97yearold #history #jewishtiktok #weremember #viral #hungarian #fypp

She said she didn't know. "But maybe it was so that I could tell you and thousands of other people what happened there. To be a witness."

"I was really not sure that I would stay alive," Ebert told CBS News in 2022. "It is a miracle that I am here. But I promised myself, however long I will be alive, and whatever I will do in life, one thing is sure, I will tell my story."

@lilyebert

Have I ever thought about removing my Auschwitz [tattoo] number? #holocaustsurvivor #98yearold #learnontiktok #tattoo #concentrationcamp #strongwoman #neverforget #history #gmb #holocaustmemorialday #jew #goodmorningbritain #jewish

Ebert was also interviewed on Good Morning Britain in 2022, and was asked if she's ever thought about having the tattoo of her number removed. She said she had never thought about it.

"I want to show the world because to see something or to hear about it makes a big difference. And the world should know how deep they cut, how deep humans can go."

In 2023, Ebert celebrated her 100th birthday with her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and of course, all her Internet friends and followers.

Lily Ebert: 100 Years Young 😊💪 Such a special day! 🎂👑❤️ #holocaustsurvivor #100 #greatgrandson #greatgrandma #goodmorningbritain #gmb #itv #richardmadley #ranvirsingh

@lilyebert

Lily Ebert: 100 Years Young 😊💪 Such a special day! 🎂👑❤️ #holocaustsurvivor #100 #greatgrandson #greatgrandma #goodmorningbritain #gmb #itv #richardmadley #ranvirsingh

And it was truly beautiful.

Happy birthday Lily ❤️🎂 100 years old!!! #happybirthday #holocaustsurvivor #100yearold

@lilyebert

Happy birthday Lily ❤️🎂 100 years old!!! #happybirthday #holocaustsurvivor #100yearold

In late 2024, Lily's great-grandson shared a video on her TikTok alerting the world that the family matriarch had passed away on October 9th, just weeks before what would have been her 101st birthday. Though profoundly sad, many in the comments thanked the family for their honesty, vulnerability, and the joy they spread in the shadow of such dark history.


Lily Ebert, 1923-2024 💔 A light that shone so bright has gone dark.

@lilyebert

Lily Ebert, 1923-2024 💔 A light that shone so bright has gone dark.

"She was a beautiful person. Thank you for sharing her with us," one commenter said.

"It has been nothing short of an honour to be a follower of this beautiful woman and her remarkable story. Thank you for your profound strength Lily. May her memory be a blessing🤍," said another.

Thank you, Lily Ebert, for being willing to answer questions to help educate younger generations on the realities of the Holocaust so we can strive to make sure humanity never allows such atrocities to happen again. Her memory most definitely is a blessing.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

Family

The Gen X 'stay at home mom' crisis is real, but what's the solution?

Some moms in their 40s feel like they were lied to about what their "resume gap" would mean.

40-something moms who stayed home to be with their kids are finding themselves in uncharted waters.

A few generations ago, parents had pretty clearly defined roles with the dad generally being the breadwinner and the mom being the homemaker and stay-at-home mother. Then, in 1848, the women's rights movement in the United States began with a powerful second wave coming in the 1960s and 70s, empowering women in the workplace, ushering in the era of two working parents, and producing an entire generation of "latchkey kids."

Now those Gen X latchkey kids are parenting Gen Z, with the pendulum of working motherhood having swung somewhat to the middle. We were raised to believe we could be anything we dreamed of being and that we didn't have to choose between being a mom and having a career. Gen X also became mothers during the heyday of parenting self-help books that impressed upon us the importance of attachment and hands-on childrearing, as well as the era of super-scheduled kids, whose activities alone require a full-time manager.

As a result, those of us in our 40s have raised our kids straddling two worlds—one where women can have all of the career success we desire and one where we can choose to be stay-at-home moms who run seemingly effortless households. At first, we were told we could have it all, but when the impossibility of that became clear, we were told, "Well, you can have it all, just not at the same time." But as many moms are finding as their kids start leaving the nest, even that isn't the full truth.

in 2023, a Facebook post by Karen Johnson, aka The 21st Century SAHM (short for "stay-at-home mom") nailed the reality many stay-at-home moms in their 40s are facing as they find themselves floundering with the glaring gap in their resumes.


"This is for all the moms in their 40s who put their careers on hold to do the SAHM thing because you knew you couldn't do both—career you loved and motherhood—and do both WELL, so you picked, saying to yourself, 'This is just for now and we'll see,'" Johnson wrote. "But now it's 15 years later and so much has changed in your career field that you know you can't go back. So really, when you 'took a break' all those years ago, you gave it up."

Johnson explained that yes, moms know they should be grateful for the time they've had with their kids. Most are. That's not the issue. Whether a woman chose to be a stay-at-home mom because she really wanted to or because childcare costs didn't work in the financial equation of the family, the transition out of it feels like completely uncharted waters.

"Okay, so you're looking for a 'career' with part-time hours and a 100% flexible schedule because you're still Mom-on-duty but you do have *just* enough hours during the day to reflect on the fact that you *do* have a college degree (maybe even 2) and although being a mom is the greatest and most important job in the world, you *might* actually want something more to your life than folding laundry and running hangry children to 900 events and remembering that they're all due for dental cleanings," she wrote.

Yup. The "default parent" role is real and weighted heavily toward moms as it is. For stay-at-home moms, it's 100% expected, and that doesn't suddenly end when it's time to start thinking about joining the workforce again.

And, of course, moms barely have time to try to figure all of this out.

woman in white long sleeve shirt holding brown and white labeled can

A working mom is the ultimate multitasker.

Photo by Memento Media on Unsplash

So, as Johnson says, "But for now, you cram yourself into the only pair of jeans you have right now that fit and find a t-shirt on the floor that isn't clean but isn't dirty and will pass for the 4 hours of mom-taxiing you're about to do and you tell yourself, 'I'll figure it out another day. Right now, I gotta get the kids to practice.'" Oof.

Johnson's entire post is worth a read, as it resonates with so many women at this stage of life. But just as telling are the comments from women who not only see themselves in Johnson's description but who feel like they were sold a bill of goods early in their motherhood. So many of us were led to believe that the skills and experiences of managing a family would be valued in the workplace simply because they should be and that the gap in their resume wouldn't matter.

"This hits hard. I am right there too. And all those volunteer hours & leadership positions people said would look good on my resume when I once again applied for jobs? Those people all lied. It means squat," wrote one person.

"Thank you! You spoke my heart. 42 this year, resigned from teaching almost 12 years ago, and never been more confused about my personal future, or exhausted in my present," shared another.

"I’ve never related to a post more in my life! THANK YOU. Your words perfectly summarize the loneliest, most important job in the world and how that perspective shifts in your 40s. It is confusingly beautiful," wrote another.

Some moms have chosen to see their post-stay-at-home era as a fresh start to learn something new, which might lend some inspiration to others.

woman carrying baby with two ladies beside her smiling

Beginnings are often rough, but that's okay.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

There is hope in the comments, too.

"I went back for my master’s degree at 47 years old. I’m now 50 in a new career I love and my husband is doing just fine pulling his weight with after school/carpool/dinner. Happy for the years I stayed home, happy with this new season too," shared one person.

"Yuuuup. I decided to go back to grad school at 45. It’s insane but every term I complete I’m like - omg I’m doing it! So don’t let sweaty out of shape bodies and carpool fatigue stop you. I take naps and write grad school papers and have meltdowns where I cry from the frustration of it all - but dammit I’m doing it!" wrote another.

One mom who is past this stage also offered some words of encouragement:

"So incredibly well written. I feel all these things and did throughout my 40s. Now I'm in my early '50s and I'm so glad I was able to stay home with my kids, but the guilt! The guilt of not using my education, the judgment of people who don't understand why someone would stay home with their kids, the social engineering... We just eat each other alive sometimes don't we? I wouldn't trade it for anything, but it is a very lonely road and one you always question. I can tell you that all three of my kids were so grateful to have a full-time parent. I might not have always been the best, but they were glad to always have someone to talk to if they needed it. It's hard to fill other people's buckets when your bucket isn't full, but the rewards do come back when the kids tell you thank you for everything that you've done. ❤️"

Being a mom is hard, period. Working moms have it hard, stay-at-home moms have it hard, moms who have managed to keep one foot in the career door and one foot in the home have it hard. There's a lot that society could do to support moms more no matter what path they choose (or find themselves on—it's not always a conscious choice), from providing paid maternity leave to greater flexibility with work schedules to retirement plans that account for time away from the workplace. Perhaps that would at least make the many choices moms have today feel more like freedom and less like choosing between a rock and a hard place.


This article originally appeared two years ago.