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A 'death box' may sound morbid, but it's actually a priceless gift for your loved ones

Anyone who's had to manage someone's affairs while grieving knows the value of a Nokbox.

death, dying, estate planning, paperwork

If we don't prepare for our own passing, we leave our loved ones with a painful scavenger hunt.

"Do you have a death box?" my friend asked me out of the blue one day.

I'm sorry? A death box? Like … a casket?

"No, a box of paperwork for when you die," she said. "You need one, trust me. It's the best thing ever. I've given one to all of my immediate family members."

"It's not actually called a 'death box,'" she added as she pulled up a website on her phone. "It's called a Nokbox. Have you ever heard of it?"

I had not. And how the heck did we start talking about me dying?

As she began to explain and show me what the Nokbox was, I understood why she was so adamant about me needing one. She was right. I did need one. We all need one.


Anyone who has ever managed someone's affairs or experienced an unexpected passing of a loved one knows that grief isn't the only thing you have to process when someone dies. We live in an era of legalities and paperwork and official channels and bureaucracy, and that doesn't end when our life on Earth does. In fact, it's a big part of what we leave behind, as annoying as it is.

For instance, do your loved ones have access to your banking information? Credit card accounts? Social media profiles? Most of us would say no, as there's not much of a need for that when we're here. But what if we suddenly weren't? How would our loved ones know how to wrap things up for us?

A Nokbox—short for "next of kin box"—is an organizational system that helps those left behind avoid having to hunt through your files and electronics to close out accounts, notify lenders and other logistical tasks once you have passed away. You could create your own, of course, but the Nokbox does all the basic setup for you. (And no, this isn't an ad. I just greatly appreciate having things organized for me.)

As my Nokbox enthusiast friend explains, "After having some friends lose loved ones, I witnessed the grief coupled with immense stress that came along with trying to deal with the many tangible details left behind—what bills were there to pay and to whom, where were keys, where was a will if there was one, what were the passwords, etc."

Gifting a Nokbox to family members means they all have the same organizational system and know what to look for in the event one of them passes away. "It's the best gift you can give from the other side to your grieving family," she adds.

The Nokbox was created by Maria Fraietta, a teacher and real estate agent from Colorado, after her father passed away in 2021. Even though her father left a will, Fraietta soon realized how much of a scavenger hunt it was to find everything needed to handle his affairs. Figuring out passwords for his bank accounts, credit cards and investments meant hours of guesswork for the family. And what they experienced is painfully common.

Fraietta tells Upworthy she has sold 11,000 boxes working out of her backyard shed and shipping right from her front porch. She says when she started she held test groups in her kitchen to put together the first boxes and figure out every section that would be needed. As people gave her ideas, she added them to the list.

"A few things I forgot at first—storage units, donations to charity, and military service," she says. "I later added a Medicaid folder. It seemed weird to add a medical section at first, because the person has died. But family medical history is important. Medicaid is for you while you're living to manage what is a pretty cumbersome item. I really wanted the box to cover everything, and it does, with the exception of a separate business if people have that. (I am working on a "Biz Box.") The idea is that you can get rid of all of the other papers and files in your home so people—or you—never have to go through them later.

"It's a paper product for that reason as well," she adds. "We all still have paper in our lives, and it has to go somewhere. When you manage an estate, you'll get even more paper. Having one folder or piece of paper to mark everything you have that is digital is a huge help for your NOK [next-of-kin]. So, the product isn't antidigital, but it just keeps track of what we have in the cloud, on our laptops, etc."

The Nokbox comes in a few different choices, from the Nokbox Lite, which includes all of the instructions and labels you need but without any boxes or folders, to the Nokbox Fireproof, which includes everything you need in a fireproof file box.

Fraietta says there are dozens of things in the Nokbox that people don't think about, including in a when-I-die set of documents.

"When people see the box, they thumb through and say, 'Oh yeah, I forgot about that!'" she says. "It's different for everyone. One of my favorites is the list of key friends … let your NOK know of one 'representative' from each of your friend groups … college, book club, neighborhood friends, so they know who to notify, and that person can share with the others in that group. Along those same lines, a quick map of your neighbors is great—often the NOK doesn't know who they should notify and who has a spare key. Regarding having a will—there's a place in the box to indicate that you don't have one, so your NOK doesn't spend years looking for it. I have dozens of examples and stories of things people don't think of. When people look around their homes, they realize there are so many things that only they know how to manage."

No one wants to think about their own death, but everyone would benefit from preparing for the inevitable and enabling loved ones to grieve their passing with as few practical frustrations as possible. Imagine giving someone a gift that will save their loved ones hours of time and frustration in the midst of their time of grief. A "death box" might not seem like a very merry gift, but it truly is a priceless one. For the person who is hard to shop for or who seems to have everything, a Nokbox could be the perfect present, even if it raises an eyebrow or two.

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Three women, three MS journeys: How multiple sclerosis looks different for everyone

Gina, Nathalie and Helga share their reactions to being diagnosed with MS and how they stay informed and positive in the face of ever-changing symptoms.

Courtesy of Sanofi

Helga, Nathalie and Gina all have MS, and their experiences show how differently the disease can manifest.

True

It’s been 155 years since neurologist Jean-Martin Charcot gave the first lecture on a mysterious progressive illness he called “multiple sclerosis.” Since then, we’ve learned a lot. We know MS causes the immune system to attack healthy tissue, including damaging the brain and spinal cord. Resulting symptoms can be debilitating and include fatigue, blurred vision, memory problems and weakness. Huge advancements in our understanding of MS and its underlying causes, as well as treatment advances, have been made in the past few decades, but MS remains a complex and unpredictable reality for the 2.8 million+ people diagnosed around the world.

Ironically, the only real constant for people living with MS is change. There’s no set pattern or standard progression of the disease, so each person’s experience is unique. Some people with MS have mild symptoms that worsen slowly but sometimes improve, while others can have severe symptoms that drastically alter their daily lives.

All people with MS share some things in common, however, such as the need to stay informed on the ever-evolving research, find various lines of support and try to remain hopeful as they continue living with the disease.

To better understand what navigating life with MS really looks like, three women shared their MS stories with us. Their journeys demonstrate how MS can look different for different people and interestingly, how the language used to talk about the disease can greatly impact how people understand their realities.

woman with horse, woman riding horseGina loves riding her horse, Benita.Courtesy of Sanofi

Gina—Hamburg, Germany (diagnosed with relapsing multiple sclerosis in 2017)

When her youngest son was 4 months old, Gina started having problems with her eye. She’d soon learn she was experiencing optic neuritis—her first symptom of MS.

“Immediately after the diagnosis, I looked up facts on MS because I didn’t know anything about it,” Gina says. “And as soon as I knew what could really happen with this disease, I actually got scared.”

As her family’s primary income provider, she worried about how MS would impact her ability to work as a writer and editor. Her family was afraid she was going to end up in a wheelchair. However, for now, Gina’s MS is managed well enough that she still works full-time and is able to be active.

“When I tell somebody that I have MS, they often don't believe me the first time because I don't fulfill any stereotypes,” she says.

Overwhelmed by negative perspectives on living with MS, Gina sought support in the online MS community, which she found to be much more positive.

“I think it’s important to use as many positive words as you can when talking about MS.” It’s important to be realistic while also conveying hope, she says. “MS is an insidious disease that can cause many bad symptoms…that can be frightening, and you can't gloss over it, either.”

To give back to the online community that helped her so much, Gina started a blog to share her story and help others trying to learn about their diagnosis.

Though she deals with fatigue and cognitive dysfunction sometimes, Gina stays active swimming, biking, riding horses and playing with her sons, who are now 11 and 6.

Cognitive dysfunction is common in MS, with over half of people affected. It can impact memory, attention, planning, and word-finding. As with many aspects of MS, some people experience mild changes, while others face more challenges.

Gina says that while there’s still a lot of education about MS needed, she feels positive about the future of MS because there’s so much research being done.

woman in wheelchair holding medal, woman rowingNathalie is an award-winning rower with multiple international titles.Courtesy of Sanofi

Nathalie — Pennes Mirabeau, France (diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis in 2002)

Nathalie was a teenager and a competitive athlete when she noticed her first symptoms of MS, but it would take four years of “limbo” before she was diagnosed.

“Ultimately, the diagnosis was more of a relief, than a shock,” she says. “Because when you have signs and you don’t know why, it’s worse than knowing, in the end, what you have.”

However, learning more about the disease—and the realities of disease progression—scared her.

“That glimpse of the future was direct and traumatic,” she says. Her neurologist explained that the disease evolves differently for everyone, and her situation might end up being serious or very mild. So, she decided to stop comparing herself to others with MS.

She said to herself, “We’ll see what happens, and you’ll manage it bit by bit.”

By 2005, Nathalie’s MS had progressed to the point of needing a wheelchair. However, that has not dampened her competitive spirit.

Nathalie began her international rowing career in 2009 and has won multiple world titles, including two Paralympic medals—silver in London and bronze in Tokyo. Now, at 42, she still trains 11 times a week. Fatigue can be a problem, and sometimes hard workouts leave her with muscle stiffness and shaking, but she credits her ongoing sports career for helping her feel in tune with her body’s signals.

“Over the years, I’ve learned to listen to my body, letting my body guide when I need to stop and take breaks,” she says.

Nathalie explains that she used to only look backwards because of the initial shock of her diagnosis. In time, she stopped thinking about what she couldn’t do anymore and focused on her future. She now lives in the following mindset: “Even when doors close, don’t miss out on those that open.” Instead of focusing on what she can’t do, she focuses on the opportunities she still has. Right now, this includes her training for the 2024 Paralympic Games in Paris, where she will compete for another rowing medal.

“I only go forward,” she says. “Well, I try, anyway…It’s easy to say, it’s not always easy to do. But that’s what I try to do.”

woman exiting water after swimming, woman with great daneHelga's Great Dane has become a helpful and beloved companion.Courtesy of Sanofi

Helga—Johannesburg, South Africa (diagnosed with relapsing multiple sclerosis in 2010)

When Helga first started having balance issues and numbness in her feet, she chalked it up to her training as a runner. But when the numbness moved to her face, she knew something was wrong. She never guessed it was MS.

“When I was diagnosed, I felt completely overwhelmed and clueless,” Helga says. “I felt that I had nowhere near enough information. I did not know anything about the disease…I had no idea that it was going to be a process of continually monitoring and adjusting your lifestyle.”

In the beginning, Helga’s symptoms developed slowly, and she didn’t appear ill to others. She was even able to run for a few years after her diagnosis, but she couldn’t do marathons anymore, and she began to fall frequently due to balance issues and right-foot dragging. Then her cognition issues became more problematic, especially in her job as a trainer in a printing company.

“My executive function, decision-making and short-term memory were affected to the point that I was eventually medically unfit for work,” she says. She stopped working in 2017.

However, she didn’t stop living life. Even though she could no longer run, she continued to swim competitively. She got a Great Dane puppy and trained him as a service dog to help her walk. She also serves as vice chair of the patient support organization Multiple Sclerosis South Africa, and she advises others who have been diagnosed to join a patient advocacy group as soon as possible to get reliable information and meet others with MS.

Helga says she is “hopeful” about the future of MS. “I must say that I am so grateful that we have all the new medications available, because my life would not be the same if it wasn't for that,” she adds.

Part of how she manages her MS is by looking at the positives.

“If I could tell the world one thing about MS, it would be that MS is an incurable disease of the nervous system, but it's also the greatest teacher of valuing your health, family, friends, and managing change in your life,” she says. “My life is diversified in a way that I never, ever thought it would, and MS has been honestly the greatest teacher.”

Each MS journey is unique – with each person impacted experiencing different struggles, successes, and feelings as they manage this unpredictable disease. But the common thread is clear – there is a critical need for information, support, and hope. We are proud to participate in World MS Day and share these incredible stories of living life while living with MS. To learn more about MS, go to https://www.sanofi.com/why-words-really-matter-when-it-comes-to-multiple-sclerosis.

MAT-GLB-2301642-v1.0-05/2023

This article was sponsored by Sanofi. Participants were compensated when applicable.

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