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raising kids

@organizedchaos4/TikTok

"It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness."

The corner of the internet devoted to grime and muck being scrubbed away to oh-so satisfying perfection, otherwise known as #CleanTok, is mostly wholesome, cathartic fun. But every once in a while, controversy comes in. For a mom named Audrey (who clearly has a passion for cleaning hacks, given her TikTok handle of @organizedchaos4), that moment came after she filmed herself doing a deep clean on her 12-year-old daughter’s room. Several people chimed in to accuse her of spoiling her kid, more or less.

Granted, Audrey admitted that she had posted the video “hoping that the trolls would get those thumbs a-movin’.” So when they did indeed come after her, she was ready. “I surprised my daughter by cleaning her room for her. She's been getting herself up for 6 a.m. practices, she gets herself to school, she's out of the house before the rest of us have even woken up,” Audrey says in the clip.

“Keep in mind she's 12. In return for all that she's been doing, I thought it would be a nice treat if I just did a quick speed clean of her room. It was no big deal.”

Audrey goes on to say that the point of her follow-up video was to reiterate the importance of “extending grace.”

@organizedchaos4 When we throw empathy out the window, we throw grace out the window. If you saw the video and your first reaction was to say, “why isn’t she doing it herself?” Ask yourself, “have I EVER left a room messy because I was overwhelmed, tired, busy?” If so, then you are in no position to judge a child for the same thing. #grace #kindness #help #parenting #cleaning #kids #mom ♬ original sound - Organized Chaos | Audrey

"That's what I did for my daughter. She had fallen behind on her room and I helped her,” she says. “It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness. We all have setbacks, we all have failures, we all make mistakes and if you say you don't you're lying. By extending grace we are spreading kindness, we are spreading compassion. If you can't extend grace to your own children then there's no way you're going to extend it to anyone else in the world and that's a scary world to live in.”

Audrey then argues that being kind to others often makes it “easier” to be kind to ourselves, which is “vital for our mental health.”

She then concludes, “so if you watched the video yesterday or you're watching this one today and you're thinking negative thoughts, ask yourself, ‘Am I quick to judge, be resentful, be negative or am I quick to extend grace or ask yourself have I ever stumbled and wish grace had been extended to me?’”

Down in the comments, we see that Audrey is certainly not alone in her thinking.

“Kindness costs nothing and provides everything,” one person wrote.

“This will only inspire your daughter to keep working hard and give back when she has a chance to, and know she can rely on you when she struggles,” added another.

Several other moms even chimed in about doing something similar for their kids.

“Exactly I did the same thing for my 23-year-old daughter who works full-time and is a full-time college student. She’s 100% independent. I just want to take some off stress off her plate,” one mom shared

Another said, “I do this for my daughter still, and it's her house.”

As with all things in parenting, balance is key. Of course we don’t want to instill laziness, but at the same time, kids can’t be expected to overachieve in all areas, at all times. Adults can’t even manage this without a little help. Sounds like this is truly a case of a good kid acting as responsibly as humanly possible, and a mom just wanting to help out where she can, all why'll teaching her the world can be a safe place. Hard to see anything wrong with that.

Cleary, none of the negative comments have dissuaded Audrey from taking care of her daughter this way. In fact, in one video, she mentions that, due to her love language being "acts of service," she actually enjoys doing it.


@organizedchaos4 For everyone in yesterday’s video saying “if she can’t keep it clean she doesn’t deserve it” let’s apply that logic to you, as well. If you’ve ever had a semi-messy home, you don’t deserve it. 😉 See the problem with that logic? We all allow our homes to get messy once in a while. No shame in it. Welcome help if it’s offered. ❤️ We’re all about grace and generational wealth over here. 👏🏻 #cleaning #clean #cleaningmotivation #kids #cleanwithme #organization #organize ♬ original sound - Organized Chaos | Audrey


@organizedchaos4 For everyone in yesterday’s video saying “if she can’t keep it clean she doesn’t deserve it” let’s apply that logic to you, as well. If you’ve ever had a semi-messy home, you don’t deserve it. 😉 See the problem with that logic? We all allow our homes to get messy once in a while. No shame in it. Welcome help if it’s offered. ❤️ We’re all about grace and generational wealth over here. 👏🏻 #cleaning #clean #cleaningmotivation #kids #cleanwithme #organization #organize ♬ original sound - Organized Chaos | Audrey

And for those of us adults without a parent to help clean, Audrey has some pretty great organizational tips on her TikTok for you to peruse.

This article originally appeared last year.

Kids watching television

You can read all the books, listen to all the advice, join all the FB groups, and still, you won’t be fully prepared for every parenting curve ball that comes your way. During these times of, let’s face it, desperation, parents might get a little creative. Perhaps a little white lie here, and gamification of something there, whatever does the trick.

Recently a mom named Michaela Estrada, who had two boys under the age of four and hoped to have more kids in the future, asked fellow moms to share their “most unhinged” hacks.

She further clarified her request, writing, “I’m not talking about letting them run around naked and unashamed in the backyard. I need the craziest hacks of the 21st century.”

parenting, parenting hacks, motherhood, mom hacks, mommy fb group, mommy blogger, kids, parenting humorTikTok · Michaela Estradawww.tiktok.com

Millions of views later, folks delivered. Big time. And boy are they a fun read, whether you’re a parent or not. As one viewer said, “do I have a kid? No. did I read all of these comments? Yes.”

Here are some of our faves:

"We did Cinderella Sundays. We cleaned all morning, then they wore their princess dresses to our fancy candle-lit dinner, followed by a dance party 'ball.'"

"I use a kabuki brush to put sunscreen on my son while saying 'tickle tickle' over and over again. It's the only way he'll stay still for a minute for me to make sure he's covered."

"Whenever it's bed time and they are still stuck to Netflix or similar, I change the language to Greek or polish and tell them they don't understand cause they are too tired and it's bed time!"

"My mom hid all my dolls and stuffed animals and said they ran away 'cause my room was dirty. They sent a 'postcard' from another kid's clean room. When I cleaned [my room] they returned."

parenting, parenting hacks, motherhood, mom hacks, mommy fb group, mommy blogger, kids, parenting humorStuffed animalsPhoto credit: Canva

"My mom used to tell us she was allergic to loud noises, so when she was overstimulated, she would say she was having an allergic reaction. [It] worked until a doctor asked me if any allergies ran in the family."

"Our parents told us that whining was illegal in Cape Cod (where we vacationed in the early 2000s), and when we'd hear sirens [it meant] 'someone must have been whining.' We believed them for YEARSSS!"

"Potty room for potty words! My 3-year-old will excuse himself to the bathroom to 'curse' and we’ll hear him going 'dang it,' 'what the heck,' 'Imma beat up all the strangers,' and it has us DYING!"


"Told the kids that Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy had to follow OSHA standards for workplace safety. They wouldn’t come if their room was a mess with tripping hazards."

"Gave my daughter a bag and told her to 'go shopping' for toys at our house. Five minutes later, she had picked up everything off the floor and put it in her bag."

"My mom told me and my brothers if we hid from her in the clothing racks at stores the employees would take us and turn us into mannequins."

parenting, parenting hacks, motherhood, mom hacks, mommy fb group, mommy blogger, kids, parenting humorA child mannequinPhoto credit: Canva

"We have pet fish, and I told my kids they are Santa’s secret spies all year long to make sure they are behaving. When they get crazy, I whisper, 'The fish are watching.' They love and fear the spy fish."

"Who wants to guess what mommy is going to get you for your birthday?! Then I go buy that. Same with Santa."

"My daughter fights sleep like a Roman gladiator because she has chronic FOMO (fear of missing out), so we brainstorm something fun to do in our dreams together so she ends up in a hurry to meet dinosaurs together or something."

"When my daughter was little, she wanted to say swear words. We told her swear words are for adults but she could make up her own for kids. She chose 'Stewart.' 'This traffic is a real Stewart.'"

"I told my kids that the ice cream man plays music to let everyone know he's sorry, but he’s out of ice cream and hopes we enjoy the music and to try again tomorrow."

"When my mom folded laundry she dumped all the socks on the floor and sat us down around them. Whoever got the most pairs won. We had so much fun and she didn't have to sort them."

parenting, parenting hacks, motherhood, mom hacks, mommy fb group, mommy blogger, kids, parenting humorcolorful socksPhoto credit: Canva

"I tell them their tongue is constantly growing new taste buds so they should keep trying new food even if they didn’t like them last time. Is this true? Idk, my dad told me the same thing."

"Make your child a Gmail account with their name before it gets taken. Then send them photos, videos, messages, etc. throughout their life so they have a digital journal of their childhood."

"We told my son broccoli, zucchini and Brussels sprouts grows muscles, and we do an arm muscle check after he eats. He gets so excited that he eats it all. We 'oooh and ahhh,' and he just giggles."

"My kid HATES teethbrushing but likes blowing out candles, so we brush teeth by candlelight then let her blow them out."

"When my friend's teens acted up, instead of grounding them, she would ground herself. For example, 'I'm sorry, I would love to drive you to the mall, but unfortunately I'm grounded.'"

"Ever since my daughter was little I’d give her an imaginary chill pill to eat when she was acting crazy. She’s eight and still 'takes them' to calm down."

parenting, parenting hacks, motherhood, mom hacks, mommy fb group, mommy blogger, kids, parenting humorA fiction bottle of "chill pills"Photo credit: Canva

"My kid's preferred method of washing the soap from his hair is if we pretend to waterboard him while screaming, 'Where's the muffin man?' He used to freak before my husband started doing this."

"If they want to tattle I tell them I can’t hear another tattle and that our dog Archie will listen to the tattle and report it back to me. So they go lay it all out to the dog."

"When my daughter gets her burst of energy late at night, I turn on kids' exercise videos on YouTube, and since she does them, it tires her out enough that she knocks out right after."


"Speed bumps and oil spots in parking lots are kids that got ran over, because they didn't hold their parents' hand."

"Not unhinged, but literally the best thing I ever did was make myself understand that it's their first time here. They are still learning how to do the things I find easy."

"My mom pulled us out of school individually on different days without telling us when and would surprise us with lunch at Olive Garden. She'd then ask us really personal questions to gauge how we were doing."

parenting, parenting hacks, motherhood, mom hacks, mommy fb group, mommy blogger, kids, parenting humorA family at an Italian restaurantPhoto credit: Canva

"Making a 'kids charcuterie board' by putting mostly healthy options on it — you’d be surprised how much they eat and test out new and healthy foods."

"I used to buy scary masks and put them in the cupboards that I didn’t want them to get into when they inevitably broke the child lock. They don’t even open them now, lol."

"Let them help cook! My twins are autistic and were such picky eaters because of the textures. Once I started letting them cook with me, they started eating a lot more and wanting to try new foods!"

"Every time my kids cried, I told them to drink water because their tears would run out. They drink the water, and then they stop crying, also, when they don't listen to you, they start to whisper."

"My kids don’t get in trouble if they’re honest. No punishment if you fess up to doing the wrong thing. We’ll talk about it, but no punishment. They make the right choices 99% of the time. When they make mistakes, they call me when they’re uncomfortable with situations their friends are trying to get them in, etc. It’s been life-changing. No sneaky kids."

"I taught my kids that the TV needs to charge so when they’re done screen time. I just say, 'Okay guys, the TV needs to charge now,' and it goes off. They fully believe the TV charges."

parenting, parenting hacks, motherhood, mom hacks, mommy fb group, mommy blogger, kids, parenting humorKids watching televisionPhoto credit: Canva

"As toddlers, when you put them to bed, give them three tickets. They can use the tickets for water, the bathroom, or a question. After the tickets are gone, that's it."

"Every Oct/Nov/Dec I change their dad's name in my phone to Santa Clause that way, they see it on my screen or in the car (they read the screen in the car a lot) they think it’s Santa checking in."

And lastly:

"Bedtime hack: ask your kids what they want to have as a bedtime story about, and have ChatGPT make it. Bonus, add their names to include them in the story!"

Parenting

Psychologist shares the 3 things to say first when your child is upset about something

Dr. Becky says every parent needs to have these 3 lines in their toolbox.

It can be hard to know how to help a child who's upset about something

One of the unfortunate realities of parenting is that kids don't come with a manual. Sure, there are a bajillion parenting books out there, but anyone with more than one child knows that every kid is different, what works with one won't necessarily work with another, and parents frequently find themselves at a loss for how to handle the thousands of scenarios that pop up as you go through your parenting journey.

However, that doesn't mean expertise doesn't exist. Psychologists that specialize in children and families do have some insights into healthy child development and relationship dynamics, so it's worth taking advice from them when you feel completely at a loss. Like, for instance, when your child comes to you upset about something.

parenting, motherhood, fathernood, when your child is upset, dr. becky kennedyHelping kids become resilient is an ongoing process.Photo credit: Canva

As an adult, you may have more wisdom and perspective than your child. You might feel like they are overreacting or that they don't really have a good reason to be upset. Or, your kiddo may express their emotions with much more intensity than you do and you aren't sure how to navigate that. You worry you might say something that makes the situation worse.

Dr. Becky Kennedy, better known as "Dr. Becky," is a clinical psychologist and parenting coach who has become a popular voice of reason for today's generation of young parents. As a mom of three kids herself, she has not only the academic knowledge to back up her advice, but also the boots-on-the-ground experience that gives her credibility beyond just the letters behind her name and book titles under her belt.

In an interview with author and podcaster Lewis Howes, Dr. Becky shared the three lines she says every parent needs to have in their tool belt for when their child is upset.

#1. "I'm so glad you're talking to me about this."

"If I were to put this in an adult context, if I was like, 'I'm so mad at my husband, he never, whatever, he never is home for bedtime, and he forgot the one thing I said," said Dr. Becky. "And if I was like, 'Hey, you're never doing anything around the house, and I am really frustrated.' If he said to me, 'You know, Becky, you're upset but I'm so glad you're telling me about this,' I'd be like, 'I think we're good now. Like I don't even know—What was I upset about?' Because what someone's really saying to you when they says that is, 'This feeling in you that you're feeling is real, and I still want to be in a relationship with you when you're feeling that way.'"

In other words, they get the message that they are loved and accepted even when they're expressing upset or anger or hurt.

"Our kids need to absorb from us, from a resilience perspective, 'My parent can tolerate this part of me before I learn to tolerate this part of me.'"

#2. "I believe you."

Dr. Becky says this is the one line that's probably the most healing in people's childhoods and the most confidence-building.

She clarifies that it doesn't mean you believe everything a child says in their upset state. If they say, "It's so embarrassing, I'm never going to school again," it doesn't mean you believe they're really never going to go back to school. It means you believe that's how they feel. You're saying, "I believe it feels that bad."

"We actually say to our kids all the time, which terrifies me, 'I don't believe you,'" Dr. Becky said. "And if we wonder why people don't trust their emotions, it's because when they felt emotions that were strong, they received—not one time but over and over—a message of 'I know your feelings better than you know your feelings.'"

parenting, motherhood, fathernood, when your child is upset, dr. becky kennedy"I believe you" is a simple but powerful phrase.Photo credit: Canva

She explained that trusting your feelings becomes important in situations like when someone's pressuring you to do something you don't really want to do, giving a hypothetical example of her own daughter being in college and not wanting to go home with someone.

#3. "Tell me more."

Drawing out the full story, acknowledging and empathizing with the details that led your child to feel the way they do is important. Dr. Becky demonstrated how she would repeat back each detail as her child told a story, expressing hurt or embarrassment along with them as the story went on.

"And now, in all these moments that my kid was in pain—which, by the way, part of the pain is probably that they were alone—I'm kind of infusing myself in every moment," she explained. "I'm adding connection. I'm adding believing."

When you talk through an upsetting incident with a child this way, they're often ready to move on before you are, she said. They know that when they need you, they can always come back, and that's really what every parent wants—for our kids to know they can come to us when they need us, but for them to go out and live and learn on their own until they do.

You can follow Dr. Becky for more parenting wisdom on Instagram and TikTok.

Millennials, are you victims of "gramnesia"?

It’s funny how once a sort of abstract experience gets a name attached to it, it suddenly becomes much easier to understand and relate to. The Internet—and primarily TikTok—has been great for that. Sure, things get out of hand quite easily (like the overuse of “therapy speak”), but there has also been quite a lot of validation and meaningful conversations that have spawned from these overnight buzzwords.

Case and point: “Gramnesia.”

“Gramnesia,” which combines the words “grandparent” and “amnesia,” has been popping up on Reddit discussions for a while now, though the coiner of the term seems unknown. But only recently has it been really gaining traction.

Back in June of 2024, Maryland-based therapist and mom Allie McQuaid, really brought “gramnesia” to the forefront of the conversation when she made an Instagram video all about it.

“I just heard this term called ‘gramnesia’ when grandparents forget what it’s really like having young kids and I can’t stop thinking about how accurate it is,” she said in the clip.

In her caption, McQuaid shared how so many of her clients would get “slammed” by their parents about how different (i.e. “easier”) raising kids was for them whenever they brought their own children around.

These hyperbolic memories are, as McQuaid put it, so “ridiculous” that they've clearly “forgot[ten] what it was really like in those early years of parenthood.”

Some examples of “gramnesia” statements could be:

“You never had tantrums when you were a kid”

“I potty trained you before you were one”

“You were always happy to eat whatever we fed you.”

“You were spanked and turned out fine!”

Clearly, McQuaid’s video struck a chord, because it wasn’t long before people begin chiming in with their own stories of gramnesia:

“My MIL, over the years, loved to act like her children were perfect growing up. I love to tell the stories of her son (my hubby) getting into all kinds of trouble as a kid - oh the shock.”

“*Baby makes any kind of noise* Grandma: "Oh they must be teething!" Me : "Umm she's 4 months old, She isn't teething yet - just has feelings and is you know - A BABY" grandma: ‘well my kids had all their teeth by 4 months’ 😐🤨”

“5 months old and not sleeping through the night? Did you try rice cereal? Baby not walking ? Rice cereal. Baby not in college yet? Have you tried rice cereal?”

“Ugh my dad literally just said this to me last week… ‘I don’t remember you guys having this many tantrums’… 🙄 right after my boys were upset.”


parenting, conflict, kids, parents, gramnesiaThese moments may be harder to remember. Image via Canva

McQuaid posited some theories as to why gramnesia exists in the first place.

One is that it could simply be the natural tendency to have a cognitive bias which puts past experiences in a more positive light than they actually were, aka having “euphoric recall.” As she told Huffpost, we tend to have a “foggier memory of how things truly were” as we get older, “especially if the experience we had was particularly difficult or even traumatic.”

Plus, the first few years of parenthood are often such a blur anyway. McQuaid herself admitted that ”I even have a hard time remembering the first year of motherhood, and that was only four years ago.”

In addition, McQuaid theorized that gramnesia exists because previous generations “were not given space to express emotions or indicate that they were struggling to adjust to motherhood.” Honestly, a sound hypothesis.

And for the frustrated folks itching to confront their boomer parents about this, McQuaid suggests picking your battles.

“Check your capacity if you have the space or energy to even consider bringing up your frustration with your parents,” she told Huffpost. “You are likely in the throes of parenting right now, and maybe all you can do is smile and nod after hearing for the 100th time how ‘you were never like this.’”

However, if you are determined to bring it up and set the record straight, McQuaid suggests to actually keep it centered around you and how the situation makes you feel, rather than combating their memories. So, instead of saying, “That’s NOT how it happened!” try something like, “When you said that I never did X when I was Y’s age, it makes me question how well I’m doing as a parent.” Probably easier said than done, to be sure.

And while this sore spot might never come to a full resolution for a lot of millennial parents, at least take some solace in knowing that you’re not crazy, nor are you alone.

parenting, parenting life, parents, babies, having childrenYou'll probably forget the stress of these days too. Image via Canva.

This article originally appeared last year.