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advice

A young girl with her hand over her mouth.

Few things are more uncomfortable than sitting like a deer in the headlights while someone pushes you into an incredibly awkward conversation. Whether it’s a TMI (too much information) conversation or they want to talk about politics or religion, it’s hard to tell someone that a subject is off-limits.

However, in a viral Instagram post, Charisse Sims makes an essential point about these awkward situations: it will be uncomfortable whether you tell them to change the subject or if you have to sit through the conversation. So, it’s better to take the option that’s less hurtful to you. Sims is a mother of six and the host of the Parenting for the Culture podcast. She is also an awarded Educator by PBS and PBS Kids and founder of The Sims Library of Poetry.

How do you leave uncomfortable conversations?

She shared the advice while talking to her nine-year-old daughter, who she could tell felt very awkward about a recent conversation. “Immediately, when she started having that conversation, I could see on your face that you felt uncomfortable,” Sims told her daughter in an Instagram Reel. “When you have that feeling, your response to them should be, ‘I feel uncomfortable in this conversation. Let's talk about something else.”

Sims then asked her daughter to repeat the phrase a few times to burn it into her brain for when she needed it. Her daughter then admitted that telling someone to change the conversation would be difficult. Most people probably agree that telling people you’d like to change the subject is uncomfortable.

However, Sims makes a great point: you will be uncomfortable both ways, so choose the one that best suits you.

“Which one is a longer discomfort, taking 10 seconds to say, ‘I feel uncomfortable in this conversation. Can we talk about something else?” Sims asked. “Or, sitting in a 20- to 30-minute conversation that you feel uncomfortable in?”

stop, woman, woman says stop, talk to hand, hand out, stop hand, conversation, awkward A woman holding her hand out saying "stop." via Canva/Photos

“It is uncomfortable telling people stop. It is uncomfortable being like, ‘I don't really like what you're doing,’ because you're worried you're going to hurt their feelings, and you want them to like you,” Sims continued. “But it's also uncomfortable to sit there and be uncomfortable for a long time. So choose your discomfort, and choose the one that's going to help you, not hurt you.”

Candace Smith, an etiquette expert, says it’s also helpful if you have another topic on deck that the person may be interested in to make the transition smoother for both parties. “When you think it’s time to let the other person know you will change the subject, be positive, and smile. Keep your eye contact warm and direct,” she says, before giving an example: “I’m going to change our subject here. Let’s talk about something cool like the Marvel movie!”

shhh, shush, finger over mouth, girl saying quiet, end of conversation, finger over mouth A young girl making a "quiet" motion. via Canva/Photos

Sims' advice is important because it’s something that all of us, adults included, could use next time they are forced into an uncomfortable situation. Her advice is a great tool for making sound decisions when we feel awkward and unable to think on our feet. “I wish when I was growing up, I was taught more how to navigate tricky situations rather than just being told to stay out of them,” Sims wrote in her post. “As simple as that is, It’s not always that easy. Our children need more support and actual practice navigating these awkward situations.”

This article originally appeared in April.

Millennials are now old enough to seriously reflect on life.

It seems like only yesterday a millennial was a college kid that baby boomers chided for being entitled and Gen Xers thought were way too sincere and needed to learn how to take a joke. Today, the oldest millennials, those born around 1980, have hit their 40s and have lived long enough to have some serious regrets.

They also have enough experience to take some pride in decisions that, in hindsight, were the right moves. The good news is that at 40 there is still plenty of time to learn from our successes and failures to set ourselves up for a great second half of life. These lessons are also valuable to the Gen Zers coming up who can avoid the pitfalls of the older generation.

A Reddit user who has since deleted their profile asked millennials nearing 40 “what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?” and they received more than 2,200 responses. The biggest regrets these millennials have are being flippant about their health and not saving enough money when they were younger.

- YouTube www.youtube.com



They also realized that the carefree days of youth are fleeting and impossible to get back. So they should have spent less time working and more time enjoying themselves. Many also lamented that they should have taken their education more seriously in their 20s so they have more opportunities now.

The responses to this thread are bittersweet. It's tough hearing people come to grips with their regrets but the realizations are also opportunities to grow. Hopefully, some younger people will read this thread and take the advice to heart.

Here are 21 of the most powerful responses to the question: “Millennials of Reddit now nearing your 40s, what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?”

hearing, millennials, regrets, millennial lessons, millennial regrets, loud music, headphones A big millennial regret is not taking care of their hearingImage via Canva

1. "Not taking care of my hearing, not even 35 and going deaf." — Kusanagi8811

2. "Not getting healthy earlier." — zombiearchivist

millennial advice, work life balance, regrets, millennial regrets, work Millennials wish they had learned about work/life balance soonerImage via Canva

3. "Staying too long at a job in my 20s, just because it was safe and easy. When I finally got the motivation to leave, ended up with an almost 50% pay boost." — Hrekires

4. "Thinking that I could and should put myself on the back burner for anything and anyone else." — lenalilly227

millennials, smoking, cigarettes, quitting smoking, millennial regrets, millennial advice Millennials smoke less than previous generations but it's still a big regret for manyImage via Canva

5. "Smoking and not dealing with my shit the right way." — Allenrw3

6. "Pining after the wrong person." — runikepisteme

7. "I turned 40 this year and just started liking who I am. Why the fuck did it take 40 years for self acceptance?" — guscallee

- YouTube www.youtube.com

8. "Take care of your fucking back. Lift with your knees. Sure it's rad when you grab a fridge by yourself and lift it in the back of a moving truck unaided, but one day that shit is going to have consequences that won't just magically go away by resting and "taking it easy" for a week." — GuyTallman

9. "I wish I spent more time with my dad while I had the chance." — CharlieChooper

10. "I'm 37. I absolutely could have taken better care of my body, but I'm in relatively good health. I'm starting to realize how important it is to maintain my health. I do also think I drank far too much in my 20 and early 30's. I'm trying to rectify that now, but it's hard. So that I guess." — dartastic

millennials, millennial regrets, millennial advice, indecision, life choices Indecision can be a bigger regret than making the wrong decisionImage via Canva

11. "I'm not sure if people have experienced the same but when I entered my 30s I became convinced I was rapidly running out of time. Rather than using that as motivation I let it paralyze me with indecision because I "couldn't afford to make the wrong choice." Consequently, I'm now 39 and, though I've had great things happen in my 30s, I regret spending so much time worrying and so little time committing to a course of action." — tomwaste

12. "Work to live, don’t live to work. You have half your working life after you turn 40 but only 20-25 years to really live it up before the responsibilities become heavy and your joints start to ache. Live life. Really LIVE it. Experience as much you can. Every sensation, sight, sound, touch. Be open. Be brave. Live your first few decades in the fast lane. You have the rest of your life to take it easy, when you have no choice." — MrDundee666

How To Save $10,000 FAST www.youtube.com

13. "I should have paid more attention to my parents telling me to save money and less attention when they were teaching me about purity culture." — Arkie_MTB

14. "If I could tell my 18 year old self one thing, it would be to save 10% of every paycheck I ever got." — PutAForkInHim

15. "Thinking that I have time to do everything I want only to find myself loosing time, and the endless energy I used to have in order to purse them." — ezZiioFTW

sunscreen, skin cancer, millennials, millennial regrets, millennial advice Millennials were the first generation to really adopt wearing sunscreenImage via Canva

16. "Not wearing sunscreen." — blueboxreddress

17. "Not recognizing the importance of work/life balance earlier in life. My late teens, all 20's, and early 30's were spent pulling 60-100+hr weeks because I thought it was what was required to succeed. How wrong I was. Others stabbed me in the back and reaped the reward.1.) Putting work first for too long. Work is my #1 priority during work hours now. After quitting time, I don't think about it (much) anymore. I don't vent to my wife or friends about it anymore either.2.) Investing more into fast cars than solid long-term investments. Sure, it was fun, but I could have made bookoos more had I put that towards less-fun investments.3.) Not using PTO and just waiting for the payout. All those years, missed. I'm in my mid 30's and I didn't actually have a real vacation until 3 years ago.4.) Not realizing that "the good guy" often loses. Just because you're morally justified doesn't mean you're going to win. Just because there's a number to call doesn't mean anyone will actually help you. Just because "law" exists, doesn't mean people follow it, enforce it, or create justice. The world is dog eat dog and cynicism can be healthy in moderate doses."

18. "When you get out of college, keep your friends. No matter how hard it is. Hold on to them." — mpssss22

19. "I imagine these are kinda universal: Not getting fit and healthyAssuming I'd be offered proper guidance on how to achieve my goalsAssuming higher education would help me achieve my goalsSpending far too long caring what people thinkNot taking risks that might better my life when I was younger and had nothing to loseStaying in relationships too long after they were clearly done." — katapultperson

millennials, finance, fair pay, salary, millennial advice, financial advice, millennial regrets Learning to ask for fair pay was a big challenge for most Millennials Image via Canva

20. "Always ask for more pay. Starting, yearly, before leaving, whatever. Get that money." — SensibleReply


21. "Spending too much time in front of a screen and not enough enjoying life." — BellaPadella


This article originally appeared three years ago.

Community

People over 70 share the best life advice they were given that actually stuck

"We have the privilege of being able to look back at a life well-lived."

Image via Canva

People over 70 years old share best life advice.

Gleaning knowledge and wisdom from older generations is a right of passage in life. The best life advice usually comes from people who have lived some solid years and have real experiences under their belts.

In a Reddit thread of people 70 years old or older, member LMO_TheBeginning asked their fellow septuagenarians: "Best life advice you were given? We have the privilege of being able to look back at a life well-lived," they wrote. "So what's a piece of advice you were given that you still hold onto this day and would like to pass on to others?"

The community had plenty of sage advice to share. These are 25 of the best pieces of life advice that truly stuck with people 70 or older.

wisdom, wise, advice, life advice, maya angelou Maya Angelou Life GIF Giphy

"Mine would be 'the days are long but the years are short'. This definitely applied when the kids were young and we had so many weekend activities. I miss those younger days but boy have the years passed by quicker than I could have imagined!" —LMO_TheBeginning

"Told to me by an elderly man in a nursing home (I was there to repair his TV): 'I don't regret anything that I did in my life. But boy do I regret some of the things that I did not do...' Sage wisdom." —commathree4

"'Fail early, fail often' was another one. I was a perfectionist and do wish I took more risks." —LMO_TheBeginning

fail, failure, failing, fail gif, bob dylan Fail Black And White GIF Giphy

"Life never gets easier: You just get better at it." —poetplaywright

"From a manager I had in my job shortly after getting married to my wife. In a marriage he said you should commit to the relationship more so than love. He said love will rise and fall depending on your emotions but if you are committed to the relationship you can weather the low points. This year my wife and I will celebrate 48 years together. I am more in love with my wife now than when we first married and couldn’t imagine life without her. Best advice I ever received." —Santatim_NC

"If you're on time, you're late. It's nice to get to a place 10-15 minutes early and leisurely stroll in to your appointment. And if something happens on the way, you have a buffer and don't have unnecessary stress." —LMO_TheBeginning

"My dad always told me to take care of my teeth. He said 'As the passions of life fade, the love, the work, the play, you will hold on to the joy of eating til the last. So always take care of your teeth.' He had all originals until his death, and that man loved to eat! So do I." —luckygirl54

teeth, tooth, dental health, good teeth brush teeth Teeth Getting Up GIF by Paddington Bear Giphy

"My father taught me that you need to have your own principles and ethics, and not compromise them. I don't remember his exact words but the advice was along the lines of this country song by Aaron Tippin: 'You've got to stand for something, Or you'll fall for anything.' Thanks, Dad." —yarevande

"Women. Always be self sufficient." —sepstolm

"Happiness comes from inside and it is no one's responsibility other than your own. In a romantic relationship you should be able to be more of your true self... not less. Experiences satisfy longer than things. Family, whether it is the one you are born into or the one you make, is more important and will make you happier than almost anything else in life." —SultanOfSwave

love yourself, happy, happiness, happy life, being happy Love Yourself Dancing GIF by Pose FX Giphy

"When your gas tank gets to 1/4 full, fill it up immediately! (Or you may wind up near empty when you're driving a woman in labor to the hospital in a snowstorm and have a flat tire.)" —ANameIWontHateLater

"'I am farmer not hunter'. Told to me when I was in my fifties and I didn't quite get it at first. The person telling me this was the owner of a shipping supply company and politely explained that his goal was not making a killing on the sale, but to nurture every sale with the idea this is a customer." —Lopsided-Solution-95

"Live beneath your means." —MisterMysterion

"'No' is a complete sentence." —No_Ice_4794

no, saying no, no is a complete sentence, say no, no gif Disagree No Way GIF by Apple TV+ Giphy

"I was working is a warehouse making $3.74 an hour in Canandaigua NY in 1974, and my wife was pregnant. One day, my supervisor jokingly said, 'The heck with this place, I'm joining the Army!' The next week, I signed up to join the Air Force. Best decision I ever made. Fifty years later, I'm retired after six years in the AF and 35 years as a federal contractor, life is good. PS That warehouse burned down two months after I left." —INTPaco

"In high school I had to read a book called Help Yourself to Happiness. My big take away that served me well in life was that no one can hurt your feelings (unless they stick a pencil in your ear and hit your limbic system) it is all how you process the situation. Take control of your response to any situation and choose to be happy!" —Icrad17

"It is what it is." —MaeWestFan

"Everyone is on their own path. You can help someone walk theirs but you cannot walk it for them." —cherith56

walk, walking, own path, walk your path, walking gif Happy Feeling Good GIF Giphy

"My mom's motto was pick your battles. I'd add 'but don't let yourself become a doormat.'" —Sorry_Wonder5207

"When considering a bold move in my life. Some one said, 'try'. It worked out, and changed my life. Sometimes when in doubt, inviting people to dare; can be the best advice." —rodrigo-benenson

"My Nana told me before she died (at 94) 'You can always make more money, you cant make more time' - so take the holiday, spend the time with your kids, enjoying life is more important than just increasing your bank account." —Difficult-Desk5894

"Don’t get overwhelmed at first, things always come together like a puzzle. Basically don’t give up and see the job through." —Future_Ad5392

never give up, dont give up, keep going, never quit, see job through I Dont Give Up GIF by SVU Giphy

"'Never ever EVER make anything worse, harder or more complicated. Angry? Fearful? Annoyed? Unsure? Do NOTHING until you feel better.' It’s incredible to me how much better life is when you’re not stuck rationalizing or cleaning up messes made when something unwanted happens. I have heeded this advice for 8 years now (small example: I have not sent an angry text message in all that time) and the biggest hardest challenge I'm facing today is from 3 years ago when I failed to implement this incredibly helpful advice." —louderharderfaster

"Two things. First: nothing takes the place of tenacity. And second: I can always wait tables." —kstravlr12

"Don’t let fear make your decisions for you." —coggiegirl

"Everything will work out one way or another." —Selmer1526

Modern Families

Divorce lawyer uses his own ex-wife as a perfect example of how to view love after marriage ends

A divorce attorney sheds his cynicism about marriage to give rock-solid advice.

Canva

A couple sits back to back seeming distressed.

Divorce can be one of life's hardest experiences. The cold, hard truth that not all relationships are fixable can feel excruciating when what one thought would be a forever love comes crashing down instead. But just because some marriages (or love stories) end in a split, it doesn't mean there aren't lessons to be learned. In fact, the pain could actually propel a person in a better direction, and into the arms of the "right match."

Divorce attorney James Sexton, Esq. (who deems himself "America's Divorce Lawyer" on Instagram) gives many inspiring (and, of course, practical) talks on the matter. In a clip making the rounds online, he gets extra vulnerable, sharing the idea that if you can strip away your ego and all the jealousy that might come with it, you'll get precious hindsight, wiped clean with perspective.

Tami Wollensak's, who does client-based work in divorce law, shard a clip of Sexton getting personal, using the chyron, "The best relationship advice you'll hear," on Instagram In the clip, Sexton shares, "My ex-wife is married for over a decade now to a phenomenal guy. Who is perfect for her. And he's nothing like me, by the way. Like if you met him—if you met both of us—you'd go, 'Well, no one could love both of these guys.' Like if you like THIS flavor, you wouldn't like this flavor. Like I'm impatient, fast-talking, skip-to-the-end, we've gotta land this plane, c'mon."

Sexton slows down his speech and softens his voice. "And he's a therapist. He's chill. He's patient. And they're perfect together."

What he says next is extra heartfelt and eye-opening: "And I can say that as someone who loves her and loved her. And knows her, and knew her. And I think if we can radically view, honestly, without jealousy—look at it and just go, 'Yeah. This is the love this person needed.' It doesn't mean my love sucks. Just means it wasn't the right one for this person. Ya know?"

Wollensak writes her own commentary on the page: "Letting Go with Love & Respect. Divorce doesn’t have to mean hate. It’s possible to let go of a marriage while still respecting—and even loving—the person you once chose. Loving your ex in a new way doesn’t mean you wish you were still together. It means you honor what you shared, appreciate what you learned, and release each other with kindness." She adds:

✅ You can respect them without agreeing with them.
✅ You can love them as a co-parent or as part of your past, even if you no longer love them as a partner.
✅ You can move forward with peace instead of resentment.

These words seem to truly resonate in the comment section. One says quite profoundly, "I'm not going to find someone better than you. I'm going to find someone better for me."

A few ask for Sexton's number—some because they need divorce advice and others because they think he's cute.

Another writes, "This is such a refreshing perspective on love and letting go."

This person went in a little deeper: "If you truly loved someone, you would want the best for them, especially if it’s not you. It’s hard to find your 'perfect' match, and anyone who is jealous, angry, or wants you to suffer after you break up never truly loved you—they thought they were entitled to you."