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Kiersten Lyons & By Ludo Studio / BBC Studios

"Blue heeler husbands" are the new standard.

By now you've probably heard of the elusive "golden retriever boyfriend." The concept has been explained and remixed on TikTok and analyzed by therapists over and over, but if you've ever met a real-life golden retriever, you probably get the idea. Loyal, fun-loving, affectionate—maybe not the smartest tool in the shed, and perhaps a little clingy. But overall, Verywell Mind describes the golden retriever boyfriend as "outgoing, easily excited, and game to do just about anything (yes, even the embarrassing things too) ... the classic fairytale story IRL. It's the handsome man who is so unbelievably in love with you and doesn’t want to leave your side. ...You're in a relationship with someone warm, optimistic, loyal, kind, and appreciative."

Can't get too much better than that, right? Wrong!

One mom recently went viral for nominating an even better male partner/dog breed metaphor: The blue heeler.


gif of Bandit, Bluey, and Bingo running through the groceryPresenting Bandit Heeler, the original blue heeler husband. Giphy

Kiersten Lyons started casually referring to her partner as her "blue heeler husband" online, particularly in a series of hilarious Instagram reels where he takes her out for coffee dates under ridiculously silly pretenses, and commenters immediately asked the natural question: What the heck is a 'blue heeler husband'?

So she made another video offering up her explanation, which was about as self-explanatory as it gets. The reel showed a montage of footage of her husband, Bradley, being a big ol' goofball: Dancing with the kids, speaking in funny accents, making everyone in the house laugh. And, of course, the footage also featured clips of Bradley's ultimate hero and inspiration: Bandit Heeler from the hit show, Bluey.

The caption at the end of Lyon's video says it all:

"Ridiculously playful, thoughtful, committed, doesn't like to be late, Bandit in human form, AKA the BEST"

Yes, the "blue heeler husband" is an ode to TV's finest dad: Bandit Heeler, the true star of Bluey, himself. The funniest and most loving dad perhaps in the history of all of television, the master game-inventor, the GOAT. I like to imagine Lyons' concept as the final form of the golden retriever boyfriend when he becomes a father. It's also worth noting that the blue heeler—the real-life dog breed—is best known as a hardworking, intelligent, loyal, and eager to please family pet. While Bandit from Bluey is known best for his silliness, those more subtle traits are just as important.

Turns out, 'blue heeler husbands' are everywhere.

Lyon's explanation reel racked up over 100,000 views on Instagram, and Bluey fans everywhere are so on board. Comments poured in from moms who have their very own Bandit at home:

"Aww I have one of those to ! 😂 best breed you could get"

"got one of these at home myself! It's the best! The very very best!"

"Omg that’s my man too!"

gif of Bandit Heeler dancing against yellow backgroundBlue heeler husbands understand the power of play.Giphy

It's hard to overstate how much the show Bluey has done for dads. It's the best representation fathers have had in movies and television in decades. The show has simultaneously spotlighted all the incredible, hands-on, involved, loving dads out there while also inspiring all of us to be at our best.

Is it completely realistic to be 'always on' the way Bandit and Chilli are in the show? Definitely not. But a lot of fathers (and mothers) have been inspired to say 'Yes' to their kids just a little more often after following Bandit's lead, to be just a little more playful and imaginative, and that is making a huge different in this generation of kids' lives.

(The data backs this up. Millennial dads are spending about 3 times as much time with their kids as previous generations. Bluey isn't fully responsible, of course, but I absolutely believe the show has played a part in reshaping dad's attitudes toward parenting.)

Where do you find your own blue heeler man? Though they're becoming more common, you may still have to weed through a few...less desirable breeds. Lyons, an author, has a memoir coming out that she describes as "a romcom in real life" and the story of "how did I get to having an amazing husband who takes me out for coffee dates.” The book promises a lot of heartbreak along the way but, much like an episode of Bluey, you can probably expect a happy (and extremely silly) ending.

Men reveal what they find romantic in relationships with women

When we look at movies, they often portray men and women as completely different beings bumbling about trying to make it work. Even outside of film, listen to any podcast designed to inform women about what men want in a relationship and you'll hear something completely different. It can feel exhausting trying to sift through what's true and what's just stereotypical rhetoric wrapped up in a romantic bow.

It's not often that we get to hear directly from men who aren't attempting to sound a certain way in front of other guys, or tell women what they want to hear. When asked directly about what they consider romantic when it comes to their female partner, the simplicity of their answers may be surprising to some. The answers didn't involve any over-the-top gestures or anything related to sex.

It seems that the men who answered the question have been waiting for someone to ask so they can draw a map to their hearts. "When she laughs at my jokes, hugs me, and tells me how happy she is with a man who makes her laugh so much," one man starts off the endearing list.

gif of someone opening a note that says "I Love You'romance GIFGiphy

Some guys just want all the cuddles.

"I’m big into cuddles, but what I like is when somebody checks in on me. Not just “How are you?” but asking specific questions… especially if I’ve previously communicated something that was going on with me and they check back in about it. It seems so simple, but it’s such a rare thing these days," one guy says.

Take a moment to consider your fella.

One happy man shares in part, "When we’re apart, she’ll sometimes send me a photo of something most would find trivial but it was the thought of “this will make him smile!” and it does. She noticed my lips were a bit dry in the cold, so she bought me a stick of lip balm the next time I saw her. It didn’t cost much but it was because she cared about my health and well-being. When I think of it, it always makes me happy!"

gif of animated boy with heart eyesI Love You Hearts GIFGiphy

Another guy shares a similar sentiment: "Acts of service without being promted[sic]. People go out of their way to let me know I matter. I never expect it, so when I do, it gets me."

"Depending on the attraction I feel it could be almost anything considerate, even just wanting a hug," one person admits, while another agrees with him. "Ayep. I've always been treated as disposable, and judged solely on what I can provide to others. That's just how it is, and won't change. I don't need poems, or trinkets, etc. Just show any amount of consideration for me as a person."

Guys love a handwritten love letter

One man says, "I'm in an LDR (long-distance relationship). Every time she is here, she leaves little handwritten notes all over the place. Most are one-liners with little declarations of love, silly comments and the like, for me to find as time goes by while she's away. I have found myself crying like a baby several times when I found these on hard days. For the most part they make me happy for at least the rest of the day, though. Started collecting them as well as tickets for activities we've done together and other scraps in a little booklet."

gif of animated love letterI Love You Hearts GIF by DIVE INN - Die InnovationsagenturGiphy

Men like flowers too, so find out his favorite and surprise him.

"My girlfriend bought me flowers and I felt like the most special man in the world! It was never something I consciously wanted (after all, flowers are for women, right?) but it was such a sweet gesture. She said most men receive flowers for the first time at their funeral and she wanted to change that for me. I now encourage every woman to do this!"

"Also, like others have said, we tend to receive fewer compliments, gestures, etc., so basically any little show of affection or love can be so meaningful to men," one man reminds women.

gif of man receiving flowersFlower Love GIF by TechSmithGiphy

Someone else adds, "I once had a girl buy me flowers for Valentine's Day and it melted my heart. We only went out a few times but I still think about it. I love little romantic gestures like that."

It doesn't have to be complicated to make a guy feel romanced. No need for a new car wrapped in a bow or an elaborate date. Seems like most guys just want the same things most women want: to feel seen, appreciated, considered, and desired. Nothing says romance like knowing your partner doesn't just love you, but they also like you and actually want to be in your presence.

Love Stories

'Fat girl meets hot guy' love story has happy ending and plenty of haters

This one's for anyone who's ever been told "you'd be so beautiful if only you lost a little weight."

Unsplash

Sierra Hufham was on vacation in the Dominican Republic when she got to chatting with a nice older couple by the pool. The three of them hit it off so well, Hufham — single at the time — decided to take a chance: "If you have any kids, I'm daughter-in-law material."

The couple introduced her to their son, Brandon, but there was a problem: “It was like, love at first sight. It was magical," she tells People. But..."I was shocked because he was this hot, ripped guy. And here I am, this big girl.”

The unspoken rules of our society dictate that a relationship like this could never work out, between a self-described fat girl and a fitness-obsessed dude with six pack abs. But a few years later, Sierra and Brandon got married and, despite the odds, they're happier than ever.

Sierra recently explained the ups and downs of her unique love story on TikTok, where it went viral.

Sierra shares her journey under the handle @the_fatgirldiaries. In her most popular clip, she bluntly asks and answers the question: "Can fat girls date hot guys?"

"The answer is 100% unequivocally Yes," she says. "Because I landed one."


Ariana Grande Singing GIF by The VoiceGiphy

"I don't want you to feel like if you are fat, that you are a fetish. Because you're just a person, you're a person just like a skinny girl. As a person you have personality, you have beauty, you have style, you have finesse just like a skinny girl does. So don't feel like anybody's out of your reach. Because they're not."

Sierra goes on to explain that she was told her whole life that she'd never be able to make an attractive man fall in love with her, and it took years and years of work to undo that programming and rebuild her confidence.

"[My own mother] used to say to me 'You know, you're so pretty but if you just lost 100 pounds, you'd be a knockout and then you could get a really good looking guy.' ... That ruined my self-esteem for a long time."

"But she was wrong 'cause I got literally like the hottest guy in the world and I'm 150 pounds heavier than him. And he loves me as I am and not as a fetish. You can land anybody you want to, weight is not the issue here. It's peoples mindsets and their hearts and that's what matters."

Watch the full video here:


@the_fatgirldiaries

Channeling my inner @Alicia Mccarvell for this one because her marriage inspires me daily and I feel such a similar way🫶🏼 My husband has loved me thin and he has loved me overweight. Because he fell in love with who I am as a person, my weight does not matter. My husband is into fitness and the personal training type world and it interests us both. Weight and food has always been my issue, but that doesn’t have anything to do with love, attraction, or our relationship. Yes, some of us have preferences and thats totally okay but in the end it should be all about the person’s heart and values, goals and dreams, humor and lifestyle, and thats what he fell in love with. I know that no matter my weight, this man supports and loves me and it is not a fetish of any kind. Its because we’ve invested and put effort into our relationship and built a beautiful life together. I couldnt be more thankful for this man and how he refuses to judge me. Yes, he wants me to be my healthiest, but that does not include a number on the scale. Ladies, you are all beautiful no matter your weight and you can land anybody you want to. The world is your oyster. Love goes beyond looks. Everything is about heart. Love you forever baby😘 #weightlossjourney #relatable #fat #fatgirl #plussize #biggirl #viralvideo #loseweight #diary #glp1 #glp1journey #tirzepetide #weightlosscommunity #glp1community #controversial #hubby


The video got over 800,000 views and counting, along with thousands of comments. The overwhelming majority showed Sierra really struck a cord with women everywhere.

Clearly Sierra isn't the only one who felt, or was repeatedly told growing up, that they'd never find love without losing weight.

"Literally the stuff my mom said to me wrecked me still 25 yrs later," one user wrote.

"My whole life has been 'You have such a pretty face, if you only lost X pounds...'" said another.

"This actually made me cry. I grew up in a household that said mean things like the things your mother said to u and it diminished my confidence. I’m working on my confidence. Thank you for this," another user added.

Comments just like this poured in over and over. Sierra's video was cathartic for so many women who had experienced the same struggles and were overjoyed to finally have some hope for their own happy ending.

@the_fatgirldiaries

Replying to @mvtroffa You all asked and I answered! Fat girls can get hot guys too! Dont count yourself out just because you are bigger! Your heart, personality and confidence are what is going to shine through. You deserve all the love in the world. #fatgirl #biggirl #relationshiptiktok #fyp #weightloss #fat #relatable #controversy #controversial #hubby #couplegoals

But Sierra says she gets plenty of haters, too, and lots of "rough" comments. But it doesn't stop her from continuing to spread her journey of acceptance, love, and positivity.

There's a ton of stigma around thinner men dating fatter women. Women like Sierra get told constantly that their "hotter" spouses can do better, will eventually cheat on them, or that they don't deserve the love that they've found. Fat women are expected to be grateful to get any attention at all and to accept poor treatment or even abuse in relationships.

Frustratingly, it doesn't really seem to go the other way. Larger men who date women who are thinner than them also receive scrutiny, but not nearly to the same level. In fact, they're more likely to get a high five for somehow pulling off such a coup!

Even some of those who aren't openly critical of Sierra's story remain skeptical. "Your husband is one in a million," a commenter wrote. "Most men don't like chubby. They don't look past the weight," said another. "Yeah they like use behind closed doors not in public," someone wrote.

Sierra, through her social media following, is out to prove those people wrong, and that weight is just a number. She believes confidence is the sexiest trait a person can have, and she's living proof that it just might be true.

An anry wife shares her thoughts with her husband.

A husband invited some new coworkers over for dinner and instead of properly introducing his wife, he made a sexist joke that she felt was belittling. The wife, who goes by the name Sadie on Reddit, shared the story on the AITA forum to ask if she responded correctly.

Spoiler alert: Yes, she did. “My husband invited his new coworkers over for dinner. When they arrived, he introduced me by gesturing at me and saying, ‘This is Mrs. Smith (he didn't even say my name)...the housewife!'" Sadie revealed.

“I looked at him for a second, then I started laughing hysterically,” Sadie continued. “I then told said, ‘No, honey, I work full time, and YES I still act like a housewife when I'm home because you simply can't bother to help.’” After Sadie’s remark, the guests stared at the husband, who tried to laugh it off and then changed the subject by asking them if they wanted a drink.

The rest of the dinner was awkward, with the husband and wife exchanging angry glances. After the guests left, the husband blew up at Sadie, saying that she laughed like a “lunatic” and that she ruined “his image.”

“I told him he was wrong to lie about my status and deny my degree, to begin with,” Sadie continued. He said I could've talked to him about it privately later but not like this, and making his coworkers think he's useless.” Sadie asked the online forum if she was out of line, and they responded with a collective no.

People overwhelmingly supported the wife, raising an issue far beyond the fact that her husband was seriously inconsiderate. It’s a big red flag in a relationship when one spouse diminishes or belittles the other in public or private.

“Men who diminish their partners to look better at the office are gross. He only seemed to care about his embarrassment and not yours. I'd be mortified if my husband used a lie that robbed me of my success and accomplishments to prop himself up," Geranium27 wrote.

“It's a red flag for the relationship. He doesn't want a partner who is an equal. He wants a dependent woman who he can provide for completely so he can feel like a man," RedWanderingLizard added.

Some also noted that it was wrong of him to disparage homemakers.

"He diminished (being a housewife is not a ‘low’ role, but he meant it that way) you in public, you corrected him. In public. As he deserved,” LetThemEatHay wrote.

The viral post received over 24,000 comments, highlighting the idea that belittling your partner is a serious sign of a dysfunctional relationship that should not be ignored.

According to Psychology Today, backhanded compliments, digs and subtle put-downs are attempts by one partner to make the other feel small and themselves feel big. “Although cleverly disguised as a joke or a compliment, these comments may qualify as ‘toxic’ if they sting, cause confusion, and replay in a person’s mind for days, disrupting their peace,” Erin Leonard, Ph.D. writes.

Ultimately, commenters overwhelmingly agreed that Sadie was right not to let her husband's belittling compliment go unnoticed. By sharing it online, she opened up a meaningful discussion about appropriate humor in relationships. Studies show that it’s healthy for partners to joke around with one another, but when the comments are thinly veiled put-downs and backhanded compliments, it’s no laughing matter.


This article originally appeared last year.