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Single man asks married men their biggest marriage regret and they don't disappoint

“She’s not complaining. She’s giving you the roadmap on how to treat her.”

Photo credit: Canva

Man asks married men their biggest marriage regret, they deliver

Marriage is a big step in a relationship. It's something that people think about from the time they can grasp the concept of relationships. When you factor that in with the high divorce rate, it makes sense that people want to make sure they're getting it right before they take the leap.

Typically people ask their close inner circle relationship advice. Leaning on people like their parents, siblings or friends who have been married to fill in the gaps of knowledge. But with the world being smaller than ever due to social media, it takes little effort to gather more collective knowledge from thousands of people from your target audience.

Surprisingly, people are pretty forthcoming to strangers on the internet looking for support and help. One man who goes by the name King Boiza decided to ask his internet advisors, "married men what is your greatest regret about marriage? Advise the single boys. It could be about anything." They married men didn't hesitate to answer the call in the most genuinely wholesome way.

Gleaning collective wisdom from those more experienced than you is a common practice, but being able to do it in such a large way is relatively new. Different life experiences lead to different perspectives that can be invaluable to someone still learning.

The advice provided ranged from warnings to what could be seen as universal truths about marriage.

"Your wife becomes the words you speak upon her, I regret not speaking life and good upon her," one man shares.

"In times of trouble, remember...It's not you against her but the both of you, against the problem...," someone writes.

"Listen when she speaks from the heart, once she feels unheard, she will be closed off for a long time if not forever," another advises.

"Not all women age gracefully with all their good looks and physique. Marry her for more reasons beyond her body and beauty. Seek a FOREVER," one commenter says.

Forbes reports that 43% of first marriages end in divorce with the number significantly increasing with each subsequent marriage. Finding out the regrets, struggles and triumphs of other marriages may help others feel more prepared to commit to marriage with a bit of a roadmap laid in front of them.

It's clear from the comments under the post that marriage takes work and while some of the men admittedly misstepped, they seem eager to share with others so they avoid the same mistakes.

"My biggest regret in marriage was to cheat and I'm telling you...my wife was never the same...so my advice is never cheat never ever," one guy confesses.

TikTok · Kingboiza

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"We tend to take our spouse for granted once we get married. Continue to invest your time in her. You won't regret it and she'll know that you really see her," one man shares.

But it wasn't only men who dropped by the comment section. Women stopped to share their appreciation for the wisdom being left for all to see.

"After reading this comment section, my faith in the institution of marriage is restored. Relationships are not perfect, but we gotta try with people who want to try," one woman writes.

"I don't know why I'm crying...I guess I never knew men like these existed...Your wives must be blessed," another woman shares.

If you need a dose of healthy masculinity and wholesome advice for lasting partnerships, look no further than that comment section. They're saving some future couple from heartache by simply showing up to answer a stranger's question on the internet.


This article originally appeared on 7.10.24

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Javier Bardem shut down reporter's 'bad taste' question about working with wife Penélope Cruz

He only needed seven words to speak volumes.

Photo credit: Carlos Delgado

Actors Javier Bardem and Penélope Cruz have been married since 2010.

Spanish actors Javier Bardem and Penélope Cruz met while filming "Jamón Jamón" in 1992, got married in secret in 2010, and have two children together. Bardem and Cruz have each earned Hollywood fame in their own right, winning numerous awards across the globe for their acting, and they've also worked together several times in their careers in such movies as "Loving Pablo" in 2017 and "Everybody Knows" in 2018.

But when a Cannes Film Festival reporter asked an inappropriate question about their working together after the latter film, Bardem shut it down in one sentence.

Javier Bardem didn't entertain a reporter's sexist joke disguised as a question.

An off-camera reporter asked in Spanish, "How do you feel being the only man in the world who enjoys working with his wife?"

Amid some snickers in the audience, Bardem shook his head and calmly said, "The question is of extremely bad taste." Then he stared at the reporter for a few seconds, adding a definitive punctuation mark to his statement.

The reporter thought he was being funny, but Bardem didn't let it pass. People in the comments loved the actor's concise, clear and classy response.

"Damn his response was like when your dad is not angry just disappointed."

"He looks like he is about to shoot him with his piercing eyes."

"I love how he doesn't even give an inch, just a stare down with a not-gonna-accept-that-garbage look. As it should be!"

"Oof! His response is a great example of how to shut down inappropriate or sexist questions."

"The 'marriage is awful and all men hate their wives' trope is so old and overdone."

"It really uplifts this idea that people settle for being miserably married in a world where you can be joyfully married...I think finding joy in working with your spouse represents a loving relationship with great communication.."

"Really excited for when this whole 'my wife is my ball and chain' idea goes away. You should enjoy the person you marry."

via GIPHY

The idea that working together as a couple is miserable needs to die.

Many men shared how much they enjoy working with their wives or how much they wish they could work together.

"I own a business with my wife and when people make comments about how bad that must be I’m like, do you seriously not want to spend time with your wife? Feel bad for ya bro."

"My wife was my boss when we met. We now own a business together. Why would you marry someone you wouldn’t want to work with?"

"Absolutely. In addition to loving my wife, I trust and respect her. I'd start a business with her any day. We have different processes for many things and we do the 'give and take' thing all the time. That's what adults who trust and respect each other other do."

"Don’t own a business but I’d love to be able to have my wife join the company I work for. Why wouldn’t I want to spend as much time as possible with an amazing woman? I get like maybe an hour a day with her where one of us isn’t with the kids or doing chores or preparing for tomorrow."

Not all spouses are able to work together professionally, of course, but the idea that wives are difficult to work with is a tired trope leftover from days when sexism was more widely accepted. Seeing Bardem not even entertain the message for a second was heartening to see.

i.giphy.com

Javier Bardem praised wife Penélope Cruz in Lifetime Achievement Award speech.

Bardem and Cruz have kept their private life private, but he spoke lovingly of her and to her during his acceptance speech at the 2024 San Sebastian Film Festival in Spain, where was given the prestigious Donostia Lifetime Achievement Award.

"To a woman who I love and who I've shared a life with, I want to thank and give my deep gratitude for the human being you are," he said in the emotional speech. "You can be responsible for life, the life of your children, the life of your family, your mother, your friends, the life of others, the many people that you don't know that you suffer for and you take care of, and undoubtedly the life of this gentleman who's here, who loves you and thanks you very much for it."

Here's to spouses who lift one another up and celebrate one another with love and respect.

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Joy

15 wholesome gestures that led to romantic feelings, from the folks who caught them

Sometimes it's the simplest things that make us swoon.

Photo credit: Canva

Romance found in the everyday, from everyday folks.


Feelings of romance can show up from the most innocent and unexpected places. Many people can attest to suddenly feeling a certain way for someone—a coworker, a friend, and acquaintance—not because of an outright physical attraction, but because they did something that displayed kindness, generosity, or compassion.

It just goes to show that even in a world where your next relationship hinges on whether or not a profile picture is swipe-right-able, we still have to rely on our hearts to show us what, or who, we truly want.

Recently, some asked “What’s something completely non-sexual someone did that made you catch feelings to them?” and the answers prove this very point. So many people wrote in to share stories of sweet, even silly thing that endeared then to someone they might have otherwise never thought of that way. And yes, many folks are now married to that someone.

Check out some of the most interesting stories below:

1. "Once, a friend helped an old lady carry her groceries up the stairs. It was such a small thing, but seeing him be kind and patient just hit me."—u/Human_Choice1680

2. "She paid attention to my favorite foods and drinks and started randomly bringing me them whenever I was stressed at work."—u/agent_x_75228

3. "A friend and I in high school were cast in a one-act play as fiancés and had to hold hands most of the play (her character was sitting up, comatose, in a state of shock for most of the performance). Subconsciously, she would rub my hand with her thumb during the scene. The play was part of a state competition, and after we finished first, I kissed her on the cheek as the cast celebrated. She would later tell me she caught herself rubbing my hands, but I didn't think I noticed until the kiss. That was in 1998; we have been married since 2003. She still rubs my hand with her thumb when we hold hands." —u/jcillc

4. "This is a bit lame, but I really like watching it when my husband buckles and/or unbuckles his belt. I think it stems from watching Indiana Jones buckling his belt in Raiders of the Lost Ark. It's pretty hot!"

i.giphy.com

—u/BERNADETTEsharklase

5. "When I saw my future wife using keyboard shortcuts like a super nerd, I knew it was meant to be."—u/BriansRevenge

6. "He would warn me when graphic/scary parts came up in movies and describe what was happening instead so I didn’t have to watch. It was something he did without me even needing to ask. It was so thoughtful, and I had never had someone do something like that so casually. We’re married now." —u/k_e13

7. "I was walking with a platonic coworker to the subway from a late-night work event, and it was raining. We were chatting and sharing an umbrella and there was a medium puddle we had to step over to cross the street, she looped her hand around my bicep as she jumped over it and boom it was like a firework went off in my chest. I never had feelings for her before that, but afterward, I definitely thought of her differently." —u/gagreel

8. "He remembered my coffee order without asking. My brain immediately: 'So this is what soulmates do. Guess we’re getting married now.'"

via GIPHY

—u/Victoria-Secrets

9. "They celebrated my birthday. I don't celebrate birthdays or holidays, and most people just never bring it up again. But this friend, for my 21st birthday, took a few days off from work, dropped by, told me to pack, drove me to Vegas, and celebrated my birthday weekend. It was so sweet. I think I sobbed the whole four-hour drive there, lol." —u/Sufficient-Berry-827

10. "They carried his arthritic dog up the stairs. I knew in that moment I was in love."—u/MahStonks

11. "25 years ago, an extraordinarily hot co-worker grabbed my hands while I was standing in front of her desk and started massaging lotion into them because they were 'very dry.' She was not hitting on me, but it turned me into jello, and I kind of blacked out a little, lol. I still think about this regularly. So, so good."—u/darthshaver

12. "I watched him teach piano to a six-year-old girl. I could tell at the moment he would make a great dad, and I wanted to have his babies. Good news — we're engaged now!"

i.giphy.com

—u/No-Breadfruit9399

13. "An old friend from high school. We were great friends for over 20 years. It was never romantic or anything. Not even a kiss. A few bro-type hugs, that's it. My adopted daughter became very sick and was in the hospital for over a month, and my friend dropped everything to come every day. She made sure I ate, made sure I went home and showered. She cared more than my own parents."—u/Northmech

14. "We left work around the same time one night, but not together. He walked to his car, and I walked to the bus stop. It started raining while I was waiting. A few minutes later, he pulled up and offered me a ride. We've been together for 14 years and are celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary later this month." —u/CarrotJerry45

15. "I have chronic pain, and before I got my uterus removed, I had crippling cramps and bleeding near daily. Around the first week I met him, I used my heating pad around him. I set it to five. I told him why I was using it, and he seemed to understand. Fast forward to the next time he was over. I asked him to grab my heating pad for me because I couldn’t move. He grabbed it, plugged it in, set it to five, and put it on my tummy area. When I tell you, that was the exact moment I knew I could love this man." —u/JazzySharks

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Married couples are blending their last names to stick it to the patriarchy

7 real couples share their made-up new names

Photo by Skye Studios on Unsplash

Brangelina. Kimye. "Combined names" are a key step in becoming a celebrity "it" couple. But regular people all over the U.S. are doing the same thing. And making it legal.

I recently read about the phenomenon of married couples legally taking a smushed-together — or otherwise completely invented — version of their last names.

Smith and Johnson become the Smithsons, for example. It's sometimes called name blending or name-meshing.

I started asking around: Had anyone else heard of this?

Turns out, a ton of people had. Almost everyone I asked knew a couple who had done it officially, done it unofficially, or at least thought about it.

It might sound kind of odd, but there are a lot of great reasons modern couples choose to do something like this — everything from gender equality (FTW!) to giving the kids a fresh family identity to make their own.

Here are seven forward-thinking, creative, and diverse couples who chose to use a combined name, and why they did it.

1. Carla Cole + Brian Martin = the Latimers

These two turned to an unlikely tool when they decided to combine names: an anagram generator.

"We wanted a family name to share with the kids," Carla says.

She says they almost had guests at their wedding vote on their top five favorite names. Instead, they wound up choosing on their own.

"We dropped our middle birth names, moved our maiden names to our middle names, and added the new last name," she says.

And lived happily ever after.

a newly married couple walking through a field Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

2. Blair Eckenrode + Megan Christensen = the Eckensens

When Eckenrode and Christensen got married, they had some understandably complicated feelings about the institution.

Questioning the long upheld standards of marriage gave the couple a lot of freedom to define their own union how they saw fit. The first thing to go? The historic coverture laws that originated today's commonplace tradition of a woman relinquishing a part of her identity, her name, and assuming her husband's.

"We are a family, and we share every part of our lives with each other, and we also desired to share a name," Blair says. "So we got creative and here we are — a nontraditionally created name for a 'nontraditional' marriage."

3. Sally and Ryan Stauffer = the Elainskas

When these two first got married, they did what Sally calls "the normal thing," and went with her husband's last name of Stauffer. A few years later, Ryan had a confession to make — he wished they'd gone another route.

"In the end we decided to combine Gaelic to represent his ancestry and Polish to represent mine," Sally says. They chose words that loosely translated to "people of art," plus a few tweaks to make it easy to spell and pronounce, and suddenly they were the Elainskas.

Their families have had mixed reactions, Sally says, but there's only one thing that really matters: "I couldn't be happier with the decision and with my perfect partner!"

two grooms run happily at a wedding Photo by Maico Pereira on Unsplash

4. Sonia Abrams + Stephen Moss = the Abramoss kids

When these two tied the knot, they both agreed it'd be best to keep their own last names. The kids? That was a different story.

"We both felt a little weird about not having a little bit of [both] our names in our kid," Sonia says. That's when they got the idea to combine, and Abramoss just felt like a winning combination.

"My dad did not like it at all, but I think he got over it," she says. "It feels neat to have our kid's' names be a combo of ours, since our kids are a perfect combo of the two of us."

5. Sara Kunitake + Jonah Horowitz = the Horotakes

"Sara has a very strong attachment to her family name. She’s the last Kunitake grandchild, and she hesitated to give the name up," Jonah says. "Also, she has invested a lot in building her brand professionally as Sara Kunitake and didn’t want to have to rebuild as Sara Horowitz."

So they merged to become the Horotakes. "We really like the sound of it and it merges our Japanese and Jewish heritage."

6. Jesse Rauch + Lissa McManus = the McRauchs

Feminism has been an important thread throughout Jesse and Lissa's relationship.

"As our relationship deepened, I felt it was important to be completely equal in our relationship," Jesse says. "We both wear engagement rings. I didn't get on one knee — so we looked each other in the eye."

Jesse says most people are really supportive, or even jealous they didn't think of it, but his parents keep asking, 'Are you really doing that?"

"They may need more time," he says.

7. Ash Russell + Crystal Fields = the Rocketships

That's right. Meet Mrs. and Mrs. Rocketship.

Ash says the couple talked a lot about "how neither of us were really attached to our family names and how it would be nice to share a name once we were married."

Her alternative? Pick something random, but meaningful. It got the couple talking about their shared love of outer space.

"We joked about Lightyear, after Buzz, and then one of us — probably me because I am nothing if not overjoyed at being obnoxious — said, 'We should just pick something random ... like, rocketship.' And it just stuck."

From there, the paperwork was a breeze, and the Rocketships became the coolest family in the solar system.


This article originally appeared on 8.11.17


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