upworthy

marriage

A UPS driver on his phone.

It’s common to hear about a man who was well off while married but who, after a divorce, is financially struggling and blames his ex-wife and her lawyer for his lot in life. Abby Eckel, a popular content creator who discusses the inequities of domestic labor in relationships, asks why more men don’t get prenuptial agreements.

“Why aren't more men asking for prenups, or why aren't more men asking for postnups if they're under the belief that they will get taken for everything that they have in the event of a divorce?" she asked. “There's a 50% chance that you're gonna get a divorce. Why are you not asking for prenups and post-nups? I genuinely want to know what the reason is if you feel like you have so much to lose in the event of a divorce, why are you not protecting yourself?”

Why aren't men getting prenups?

@abbyeckel

I am genuinely asking. Why dont men ask for a prenuptial agreement before getting married? Lots of men have told me that there is no benefit to them in getting married, and that the risk is far greater in the event of a divorce. That they will be put into financial ruin in the event of a divorce, therefore getting married, simply isn’t worth it for them. So why aren’t more men asking for prenuptial agreements, or even post nuptial agreements, in order to protect themselves from said financial ruin? #divorce #marriage

The video caught the attention of J.R. Minton, a Dallas-area UPS driver and popular TikTok user with four kids and a stay-at-home wife who talks about family life. Minton flipped the script on Eckel’s question by revealing something that many men would have a hard time saying: most men aren’t successful until they get married and have the support of an amazing woman. Therefore, they didn't need a prenup when they got married.

“Men are more likely to be successful if they are married and women are more likely to be successful if they are single,” Minton said, before singing the praises of stay-at-home women.

Stay-at-home moms make a lot of sacrifices

“Whenever a child is born, a woman is typically the person that takes off time to take care of the child, and if there's a stay-at-home parent, most often it's going to be a mom. While some men like to say that that is a privilege for the woman, what it really is is a financial risk that the woman is taking, Minton said. “She is not furthering her career; she is dependent upon another person to be successful so that she can continue to take care of the children she's taking a financial risk for the sake of her family.”

On the other hand, because of the woman’s sacrifice, when she should be in the prime of her career, the man can thrive. He develops connections and skills and gets promotions, while she spends most of her time at home.

stay at home mom, sahm, laundry, upset woman, pile of clothesA stay-at-home mom can't stand the laundry. via Canva/Photos

A lot of the women in the comments loved Minton’s honesty. “This man needs protection at all costs....his honesty is brutal to men,” one woman wrote. “My husband flat out says that he wouldn't have made it as far in his career as he has without me sacrificing what I have to stay home with our kids,” another added.

Minton wasn’t wrong when he said that men experience a much larger boost in income when they become married than women do. That has a lot to do with the pressures of childbearing that overwhelmingly fall on women. That’s probably why 85% of all married people say they've never signed a prenup, but 56% of those who’ve signed one had a previous marriage.

“So how come men don't want a prenup for their marriage?” Minton concludes his response to Eckel’s question. “Most men don't have very much before they get married. They become successful after the marriage.”

Courtesy of\u00a0Ladue Schools Communications Department

Danielle Sutherland poses with her fiancé Josh and her third grade class at Old Bonhomme Elementary School.

Summer break got off to a sweet start for music teacher Danielle Sutherland. The third grade teacher at Old Bonhomme Elementary School in St. Louis, Missouri got the surprise of a lifetime when her class helped her fiancé Josh propose to her on the last day of school.

He planned an elaborate proposal disguised as part of an end-of-year interview with the school district's Director of Communications, Kimberly G. McKenzie, M.A.

"Josh apparently reached out to my Principal about a month ago letting her know what he wanted to do. From there, it just took off!" Sutherland tells Upworthy. "My third grade teammates, ESL teacher, music teacher, and a few others all orchestrated a plan. Kimberly came on the last day of school to 'do an interview and photoshoot to include in the end of year communication about elementary choirs'."

Sutherland was told to dress up for the interview. "What a bummer!!" she quips. "I went to the 'interview' and we took pictures. Little did I know that my students were not just having a snack waiting for me to get back, but were instead being clued in on the big surprise."

After the interview, Sutherland walked back into her classroom where "Invisible String" by Taylor Swift was playing, and she saw Josh standing there. She immediately burst into tears.

"Josh brought his parents, my parents, my brothers, other family, close friends, and asked the students if they would help him pop the question!" she adds. "Needless to say, I was completely surprised (hearing) my students say 'Will you marry him?' Between shaking hands and lots of happy tears, I said YES!"

proposal, marriage proposal, engaged, engagement, surprise engagementDanielle Sutherland poses with her fiancé Josh and her third grade class at Old Bonhomme Elementary School.Courtesy of Ladue Schools Communications Department

The proposal went off without a hitch, and Sutherland was completely surprised. "As a little girl, I’ve dreamed about this day forever, and he somehow planned a proposal that was greater than I could have ever imagined," she says. "My students mean the world to me. They are truly my family for an entire year."

She credits Josh for planning the truly perfect proposal: "Josh knew what I wanted without me ever saying a word about it. He knows me more than I know myself," she adds. "He knew how important it was for me to include my students (my classroom family) in this massive life moment. My heart was overwhelmingly full."

danielle sutherland, josh, engagement, proposal, marriage proposalJosh proposes to Old Bonhomme Elementary School third grade teacher Danielle Sutherland.Courtesy of Ladue Schools Communications Department

Sutherland also shared more about the couple's love story, and how the two met. "Josh and I have been together for a little over a year. He moved from Cape Girardeau to St. Louis, and he works for the city of Brentwood. He is truly the most wonderful man I have ever met. He has made all of my wildest dreams a reality," she says. "I am a self-proclaimed 'professional bridesmaid' and have been in so many weddings of my friends. He made sure that I had the big romantic gesture that every woman deserves. I couldn’t be more excited to spend the rest of my life with him!"

Modern Families

Husband who lost his job reluctantly moves family in with mother-in-law. Pure joy ensued.

Families moving in together isn't failure. Sometimes it's their greatest success.

Image via Canva

Katie Bunton shares her family's journey with multigenerational living.

Multigenerational living is not as common in our independent, self-sufficient American culture–but Instagrammer Katie Bunton (@ktbunton) is hoping her experience will open more people's minds to it. Bunton, her husband Harry and their twin boys recently moved in with their mother-in-law Louella Beale (@nana_lulu_love) after experiencing financial hardship, and opened up about the experience with her followers.

"We moved in with my MIL (mother-in-law) 2 months ago when my husband lost his job and I just keep thinking...it must have taken a lot of propaganda to make us believe this was failure," she writes in the video's caption.

In the inspiring video, Bunton showed her viewers some of the incredible benefits they've had with the extra support of Nana Lulu. From making and eating meals together to time spent in the garden and doing other menial daily tasks, she shows that life has truly improved–even though society may look at their living situation differently. "So you’re telling me, this isn’t how it was supposed to be all along ? #multigenerationalliving with @nana_lulu_love 🫶🏽," she captioned the video.

And viewers are showing their support. "I wholeheartedly believe that we’re supposed to be living with family❤️," one wrote. Another added, "It’s the best. My grandmother and mother live with us. I could never asked for a better support system. I would never ever live without multiple generations in the same house or compound." And another shared, "This has forever been my dream 😢 I’m with you, we’ve been lied to in the west. Intergenerational living is beautiful and to me the gold standard for living in harmony and raising children well ❤️."

And Nana Lulu herself commented, "🥹🥹😭😍😍 I’m such a lucky lucky so and so. 🙏🏽Thank you 🙏🏽 thank you 🙏🏽 thank you 🙏🏽 for the beautiful blessings of family love. 💛💛💛💛"

In another video, Bunton shared a vlog with her followers showing more about living with her MIL and the benefits of living multigenerationally. "You’re telling me we could have both parents present and hands on, all we have to do is just lower our cost of living? spend less money? And pool our resources with family? 🤯" she wrote.

In the video, she explains that her family moved in with Nana Lulu at the end of January 2025. "It's taken us quite a while to get into the swing of things. We moved into a new town as well," she adds.

Their routine has completely changed, but in a good way. And she has noticed positive changes in her relationship. "My husband has felt happier, lighter and more himself than I have ever seen him," she says.

The second video also got tons of positive comments from viewers who are loving their new living situation. "This is my definition of rich ❤️," one wrote. Another added, "As someone that doesn’t have a MIL to fall back on, I just want you to know that I’m so happy you have that. So happy you know the peace that extended family can bring and that you/your husband have the support you need to get to the next stage 🫶🏼💕." And another shared, "My husband and I live with my parents. They built us a basement apartment and I am forever grateful to them not only for that but for the bond it has allowed them to have with my kiddos ❤️ I definitely get caught up thinking we’ve done something wrong but we’ve just done what we can with the cards we are dealt. I am so grateful for my village."

This article originally appeared in March

Canva Photos

A guy needed some help and advice on how to 'pick up' a clean house

One thing you learn in marriage is that different people have different definitions of "clean." To one person, clean means your home is decluttered, everything in its proper place. Others might be OK with a few neat stacks of stuff or an odd pile or two. Others aren't happy until the baseboards are wiped down and the floor's sparkling. Some people are just content if there are no roaches or rats scurrying around.

Partnership is all about navigating these different expectations and coming together to make and keep your home. But that doesn't mean it's always easy to communicate about this stuff with your partner, or to meet their expectations. Throw in the fact that men and women are socialized from birth to have completely different ideas of their role in a household, and things can get complicated fast.

One guy recently took to social media with a conundrum. His wife had asked him to clean the house while she was out, the only problem was...it was already clean.

"My wife asked me to pick up the house while she was out. [Here's] the condition of house before she left," he wrote on Reddit along with a few pictures showcasing a pretty spotless (and quite beautiful) home. Now if you're nitpicking, you could spot a few clean cups in the dish drying rack and a small pile of papers on the kitchen table. But honestly, most people would be thrilled if their house looked like this!

What do you think, can you spot the mess? The man needed the Internet's help in translating his wife's expectations.

from pics

Experienced married people didn't fall for the trap, and laid some incredible wisdom on the man that can only be gained through many years of partnership.The easy answer might be, "She's nuts, the house is already clean!" But people who have been with their partner for a long time know better.

Some theorized that the husband might have a reputation for not cleaning up after himself:

"She's asking him to not mess it up while she gone. I.e. Clean up after himself."

"maybe that was a nice way of her asking you to clean up after yourself..."

"And to also get his cup that has been sitting on that nightstand for a week. Wife doesn't want to put it in the sink because it feels disrespectful to her that he would leave it there so long when the rest of the house is clean. She's cleaned up literally all his other trash and cups, but this is THE ONE he needs to do himself. She's wondering if he even has eyes or self awareness."

They gleaned all of that from just three photos! This is what years of marital intuition can do.

men, women, marriage, relationships, household, love, family, cleaning, emotional labor, invisible load, gender rolesWe love a guy who remembers to clean the inside of the oven.Canva Photos

Others with a keen eye were adamant that, upon closer inspection, there are tons of signs in the photos that certain people might not be pulling their weight:

"I can see that some of the fruit isn't in the fruit basket, just near it, and there is paperwork and a stapler on the table, and little things on the island. ... It seems like the wife is giving him the easiest possible clean up task. He just has to put a few items away. If he wanted, he could also wipe down the counters, vacuum, clean the dog bed, spray some air freshener and put fresh flowers out. But I'm guessing he won't even put the few items and pieces of fruit away. Clearly his wife is doing a lot to keep the place clean, but he'll act like putting a few things away isn't worth his time and leave it for her to do when she gets back."

"There's probably grit on the floors, dirt on the baseboards, stains on the carpets and upholstery, dust on every horizontal surface, window smudges, etc. so the house looks tidy, but a detail-oriented person will notice and be bothered by all those less visible things"

"I’m seeing a used paper towel roll right next to the fresh one that is also almost out. I’m guessing there are other instances of that around the house, too."

"Definitely the items on the dining table.."

"Clear all the surfaces and put away the clutter. My woman brain doesn't understand why her request was confusing."

Others insisted the request wasn't really about the current state of the house, but more a general plea to start taking some ownership.

"When my house is in this condition, and I asked the same thing of my husband, I think it’s sort of coming from a place of resentment. I’ll notice that he spends his free time doing a hobby or something for himself, whereas I feel like even all my free time is still spent keeping up with chores. My love language is acts of service, so when I come home and he has tackled a project without me asking or something like that, it means a lot that he spent his free time doing something for the betterment of the household unit."

The OP responded to this one: "So far I think your response is the most nuanced and accurate. Thanks for giving me something to consider!"

The photos serve as a fascinating Rorschach test. It's incredibly easy for some to see someone nitpicking a clean and beautiful home. It's also easy to see the usually-invisible mental load one partner carries.

men, women, marriage, relationships, household, love, family, cleaning, emotional labor, invisible load, gender rolesWiping down surfaces: Someone's gotta remember to do it.Canva Photos

No one knows the history of this guy and this couple, but there is a well-known story lurking in these photos if you're willing to interpret and read into things a little bit. It goes by many names including the Invisible Load and Emotional Labor, etc. in reference to one partner (usually the woman) being the Project Manager of the house.

Couples Therapy Inc. lists out some of the responsibilities of the house Project Manager:

  • Anticipating needs before they become problems
  • Managing social relationships and obligations
  • Coordinating schedules and appointments
  • Remembering important dates and details
  • Sacrificing personal needs for family harmony
And that also includes making sure the house is tidy and cleaned, and enlisting help in doing so by explicitly telling other people in the household exactly what needs to be done, what supplies and groceries need to be purchase, etc. As others in the thread pointed out, maybe the exhausted wife is really saying, "Dude, can you just figure it out for yourself for once?"