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Nicole Kidman shares the unconventional marriage rule she has with husband Keith Urban

They've had this communication rule since the very beginning of their 18 year relationship.

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Keith Urban (left) Nicole Kidman (right)

Long before Nicole Kidman began her long-term relationship with AMC theaters, she was committed to husband and country singer Keith Urban. The two have happily been together since 2006—which is a good run for any modern day marriage, but most certainly a Hollywood one.

And perhaps their nearly decades-long success can be partially attributed to one surprising communication rule: no texting. While appearing on the Something To Talk About podcast in 2023, Kidman shared that she was the one who initiated the unconventional agreement.

"We never text each other, can you believe that? We started out that way – I was like, 'If you want to get a hold of me, call me…"I wasn't really a texter.,” the “Moulin Rouge” actress shared.

She added that while Urban did attempt texting her a few items early on, he eventually switched when Kidman wasn’t very responsive. And now, 18 years later, they only call each other.

“We just do voice to voice or skin to skin, as we always say. We talk all the time and we FaceTime but we just don’t text because I feel like texting can be misrepresentative at times…I don’t want that between my lover and I,” she told Parade

.

There are, of course, some pros and cons to calling over texting. Research has shown that people who call feelmore connected to one another vs. texting, with the voice being an integral component of bonding. As our society becomes increasingly more distant and lonely, finding those moments might be more important than ever.

At the same time, calling can invoke a lot more anxiety compared to texting, which could lead someone to not communicating at all. Also, I don’t know about you, but the thought of having to call my partner for mundane things like “don’t forget the eggs” would drive me crazy.

But regardless of whether or not you adopt Kidman and Urban’s no-texting rule, perhaps the bigger takeaway is that relationship longevity depends on being able to establish your own rules. One that feels good and that each partner is able to stick to. Especially when it comes to communication.

As Urban himself told E! News at the CMT Music Awards, "I have no advice for anybody,You guys figure out whatever works for you…We're figuring it out. You figure it out. Everybody's different. There's no one size fits all."

Luckily, there are many ways to have good text hygiene, without having to do away with it completely. Very Well Mind suggests to avoid texting too many questions, and to be respectful of your partner's schedule (probably best to not text them while they’re sleeping just to say “hey,” for example). Nor should texting be used to argue or deal with conflict. Lastly, probably save the lengthy, in-depth conversations for a phone call. Fifteen heart emojis are totally fine though.


This article originally appeared in April.

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Family

Doctor has a super simple tip to keep "default parenting" from happening

It might seem like overkill, but can actually be very helpful.

Photo credit: Canva

Sometimes what seems like over-communication is actually just normal communication.

We’ve pretty much all heard about default parenting at this point. But very few conversations deal with how to prevent it. Sure, we hear plenty of stories of fed-up moms finally drawing a line in the sand after those obligatory responsibilities take their toll, but how to keep it from happening in the first place?

This can be a struggle for all couples, because without constant effort and communication, it’s so easy to go into default mode. But pediatrician Dr. Em (@dr.emzieees) has a tip that can really help. It’s advice she learned when first becoming a doctor, that she now shares with parents during their first appointment—assuming that the child is in fact being raised by two parents, and those parents are one mome and one dad, that is.

The advice is this: “If either parent is leaving the room, they need to tell the other parent.”

Now, this might seem rudimentary, but as Dr. Em explains, we don’t often see an even dynamic between moms and dads here. Painting the picture, she said, “When both parents are in the room, if mom needs to leave the room — if she needs to go to the bathroom, if she needs to change her clothes — she tells her partner.”

Meanwhile fathers “will oftentimes just get up and leave the room because they know that mom is there.”


@dr.emzieees♬ original sound - Dr. Em 🩺


Even this seemingly innocent habit is a problem, because if only one partner, (i.e., “dad”) “can get up and leave at any time and not say anything,” that sends the message that there’s only one parent that HAS to be available at all times. And that parent is, you guessed it, mom.

“It’s something a lot of men don’t realize unless you tell them. If mom doesn’t know when her duties are going to start and end she’s just always on duty for the baby,” Dr. Em reiterated.

If there was any doubt that this is, in fact, a common occurrence for women, read the comments below:

“I had this exact argument with my husband when our daughter was young. I wa sSO MAD that he could just come and go as he pleased, and I couldn't

“Hubby and I had this argument when our youngest was a baby. Sometimes he’ led the house without saying anything. 6 years down the round and he would NEVER. Our kiddo is safer d/t this rule.”

“Thank you for this! I’ve been trying to explain to my husband why I get upset that he just leaves and he hasn't quite got it from how I’m explaining it- but I showed him this and he said it makes sense and now he understands.”

Then again, a lot of couples seemed to have found their way into this healthy habit naturally.

“My husband and I have always told each other we’re leaving the room. I never realized this wasn't the norm,” one person wrote.

So often in healthy partnerships—especially those that involve raising a human together—rely on excellent communication. It might feel like overkill at first, but it’s a subtle-yet-effective way to consistently stay on the same page. None of us might be born with these skills, but we can all get better through practice.

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Married couple swears by the '3-Hour Night' as a relationship game changer

"If you’re stuck in a rut with your evenings — try this!"

@racheleehiggins/TikTok

Want out of a relationship rut? The Three hour night might be the perfect solution.

Almost every long term relationship suffers from a rut eventually. That goes especially for married partners who become parents and have the added responsibility of raising kids. Maintaining a connection is hard enough in this busy, fast paced world. Top it off with making sure kids are awake, dressed, entertained, well fed, oh yeah, and alive…and you best believe all you have energy for at the end of the day is sitting on the couch barely making it through one episode on Netflix.

And yet, we know how important it is to maintain a connection with our spouses. Many of us just don’t know how to make that happen while juggling a million other things. According to one mom, a “three-hour night” could be just the thing to tick off multiple boxes on the to-do list while rekindling romance at the same time. Talk about the ultimate marriage hack.

The three-hour night was something that Rachel Higgins and her husband began incorporating into their lives at the beginning of this year. And so far, “it's been so fun and such like a game changer for how our evenings go,” she says in a clip posted to TikTok.

Before using the three-hour night, the evening would look a bit like this: their daughter would go to bed, they would lounge on the couch, scroll through social media, then fall asleep. Sound familiar?

But with a three hour night, Higgins and her husband divvy up the time before bed into three section, each for a different focus.

In the first hour, starting around 7 p.m., is what Higgins calls “productive time,” during which the couple sees to any household chores that might need to be done.

“So start with like a quick cleanup of the kitchen or just like things that accumulated throughout the day, and then we try to do something that either ... has been being put off or cleaning the bathroom or like organizing the pantry or hall closet or something like, super random like sharpening the knives. Anything that's productive for the household,” she explains.

@rachelleehiggins if you’re stuck in a rut with your evenings try this! i saw someone do something similar to this a while ago but can’t remember who! #marriage #1sttimeparents #newyearsgoals ♬ original sound - Rachel Higgins

Next, the second hour is geared towards re-establishing a physical or emotional connection in their marriage. The phones go away, and they focus only on enjoying one another.

“So, that could be things like showering together or ‘having fun’ together, playing a game together, or just like anything that's gonna get you guys talking and connecting or like debriefing from the day or just like talking about what you're doing and like the plans for tomorrow or like how works going or whatever. So, anything that's gonna connect and strengthen and build your marriage,” Higgins says.

Lastly, the final hour of the night is dedicated towards anything Higgins and her husband individually want to do, any sort of personal recharge activity.

Since this is a judgment free time, Higgins states that “If you just want to lay on the couch and scroll your phone and watch TikToks or whatever like watch YouTube videos,” it’s totally acceptable.

Higgins’ novel approach definitely interested viewers, who chimed in with their own questions. One major concern was how the heck this could be done every night. But even Higgins admits that she and her husband don’t succeed at having a three-hour night every night—they usually try for about 3-4 times a week. And honestly even once a week could still probably be beneficial in building intimacy.

Others wondered how to have a three-hour night when things randomly popped up in their schedule, like when kids won’t magically go to sleep promptly at 7pm. Higgins shares that in these cases, they tend to just shorten each phase. The point being: these can and probably should be customizable, even fun, rather than yet another rigid chore.

Plus, a three hour night (or whatever your version of a three-hour night may be) is a great way to remind yourself just how high of a priority your relationship has in your life…no matter what else is going on at the time. Odds are you'll probably find you do have more time for it than you previously thought when you set aside time for it.


This article originally appeared in January.

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Wife worried her husband chose 'new friendship' over 'meaningful' Thanksgiving tradition

She admitted to being "caught off guard" when asked to reschedule a tradition six years in the making.

Photo credit: Canva

This is certainly not a black-and-white situation.

It can be really disheartening when our partner seems to not feel the same way about something we find sacred, especially when it comes to shared holiday traditions. After all, these moments only come around once a year, and do sort of lose their magic once broken.

This was the dilemma a woman recently found herself in when her husband asked to reschedule a cherished holiday tradition in order to go on a trip with a new friend. For the past six years, always the weekend before Thanksgiving, the couple would drive an hour away to a lakeside town to spend the day together, which would always end with picking out a new ornament for their Christmas tree.

holiday traditionsPhoto credit: Canva

As she explained in a Reddit post, this “very small but meaningful tradition” had become an incredibly special way to usher in the season. So when her husband nonchalantly brought up rescheduling it in favor of his friend trip, she was “caught off guard.”

At the same time, the situation wasn’t so black-and-white. The wife also shared that her husband “doesn’t make new friends easily,” and this was the first time in a long while that someone reached out to him like that. So, understandably, “he didn't want to let that slip away.” Genuine adult friendships are, after all, not the easiest to come by. And like all relationships, they need consistent effort.

But still, this didn’t exactly negate the hurt feelings the wife had. So when they sat down to talk about it, things got…messy. When her husband told her "it’s not a big deal for us to just go another weekend,” she felt like he was "minimizing something that's special to us.” Meanwhile, the husband was "frustrated” and thought his wife was “overreacting."

That conversation ended with the couple agreeing that the husband would indeed reschedule the trip with his friend. But since it seemed he was “disappointed” by that decision, the wife still wondered if she was simply “being stubborn about a little ritual that maybe only I care about as much as I do.” Hence why she sought advice on Reddit.


AITA for asking my husband to prioritize our family tradition over his new friendship?
byu/Miserable-Light-3444 inAmItheAsshole


After a few questioned why the trip between the two of them had to be on that specific weekend, the woman explained that "the timing feels like an integral part of the tradition itself,” which several folks could relate to.

“As someone who isn’t tied to a certain day to celebrate holidays (I’ve even had Christmas after New Years once) I can attest that moving around days sort of loses that sparkle of intentionality. It sort of feels like the magic spell that ties the tradition has been broken just a little bit, and then it becomes something that you have to schedule - and scheduling around calendars is always going to be a bit of a bitch. When you have a firm day it just sort of feels more secure and sacred.”

“My spouse and I aren’t big on holidays, so we often do this too. But I also find that the rescheduled Thanksgiving/Christmas/birthday/anniversary/whatever doesn’t have that same spark, and if we do all the trappings it basically just becomes extra work for no real reason. But without the trappings, it’s just another day.I do wonder if the fact that we move the holidays around, is what makes us feel ‘not really into them’ in the first place.”

“I personally feel very put out when something is planned and established and it gets moved, especially if the proposal is ‘non-disclosed different date’ because unless a new plan is made, I know it isn’t happening. Especially for traditions, it might seem small to miss it or move it for one year but to me that feels like a snowball for ‘well if we cancel this year then it won’t be seen as important next year because the streak was broken and the momentum lost and now I’ll have to fight for it to happen because people think the rules can be bent to their convenience.’ It’s happened to many, many events in my life.”

Others could definitely see why the wife might be hurt that her husband didn’t view the trip the same was as she did.

“"It's not just a random trip; it’s a tradition that’s been part of your marriage for six years. Asking him to prioritize something that’s meaningful to you isn’t being unreasonable — it’s about honoring the connection you share.”

Still, plenty more folks could see the husband’s side as well.

“It can be tough to make friends when we're adults, and this could be a missed opportunity to strengthen a new bond.”

“Making friends as an adult is hard and sometimes takes a tiny sacrifice in your personal life to build that foundation. I think if you can see it from that perspective, you can enjoy your tradition on a different day and he can build a new friendship that could potentially last a lifetime. I understand initially being upset as it's sentimental but I do think it's not as big of a deal as you viscerally felt.”

In the end, the couple had another talk to communicate a little deeper. “We both agreed we could have handled the conversation better and that neither of us wanted the other to feel like their feelings didn’t matter,” she wrote. Ultimately, having an open conversation about expectations, desires and compromise mended things quite well. They’d still keep the tradition as planned, and the friend trip would be moved to a few weeks later, but now with each partner feeling seen and heard.

We have a few semi-contradictory almost paradoxical truths here. One, traditions only remain traditions through repetition and commitment. However, with too much rigidity, those traditions turn into obligations, thus losing the spark they once had anyway. Two, making plans with adult friends does need to be a priority, but probably not at the expense of set in stone plans with your partner.

But, as with most things in relationships, these complex issues can be tackled with productive conversations. And luckily, these two seem to be mature adults willing to have those conversations.

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