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Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick air grievances about one another in the cutest way possible

It's like watching a marriage therapy session, but with music and laughter.

Image credit: Kevin Bacon/Instagram

Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon have been married for 36 years.

Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick have been #marriagegoals for a long time—36 years and still going strong, in fact. The actors met on set of the film "Lemon Sky" in 1987, got married 18 months later, and have been happily hitched ever since. Though they've both managed to work on films and television series throughout their marriage, they put a lot of focus on raising their two kids (now both in their 30s), splitting their time between Hollywood, New York and their farm in rural Connecticut.

Bacon and Sedgwick like to share videos from the farm, often featuring one or both of them singing together with their farm animals, which is every bit as endearing as it sounds. Any couple thriving after nearly four decades of marriage is a joy to see, but for a famous couple it's particularly heartwarming. Fame and marriage don't always make the best bedfellows, but these two have made it work.

Even when they're complaining about one another, their genuine affection shines through. Bacon and Sedgwick made a video playing with the "We listen and we don't judge" social media trend, where couple share relationship confessions with one another. Unlike other couples who shared things that made people question the health of their relationship, these two demonstrate how humor, honesty and respect work together in a happy marriage.

People are loving the playful dynamic between them and the obvious love they have for one another.

"I like these two so much. They love each other dearly and they can make fun out of each other without being offended and get mad. Great humor, essential for a relationship."

"That's why you two beautiful people have been married for 37+ year's. Real love; openness, respect, loyalty, toleration, learning, growth, evolving together. A billion positive reasons.. even when "trying" not to judg, with a healthy dose of communication and getting it all out"

"Such a nice way to counsel each other and those watching, putting it into song and talking things out. Being married after all these long years, doing stuff like this together is the icing on the marriage that keeps it together. How wonderful is that. This put a smile on my face."

"How beautiful it would be if we could really really practice this in our lives and laugh about the small things and not let the “bigger” things be as big a deal as we make them out to be. 🙌☺️🙏 You two are beyond adorable and give us all relationship goals."

"I love you guys. The fact that you can do this with humor and do it publicly speaks loudly of your strength & tenacity as a couple. Be love,💕, be peace ☮️. Perhaps you should be marriage counselors??…"

People who have been married for a long time know that honesty and communication are important in a relationship, but so is not sweating the small stuff and forgiving one another's minor annoyances. Throw in the ability to laugh at ourselves and some sweet harmonies, and you have the magic combo we see working for Bacon and Sedgwick here. But you don't have to have a guitar-playing spouse to share fun moments together, communicate with love and kindness, and listen without judgment—truly.

You can watch Bacon and Sedgwick's other collaborations and see glimpses into their life on the farm on Kevin Bacon's Instagram page.

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Joy

How the 'magic' 5:1 ratio can be the key to marital bliss

It was developed by famed psychologist Dr. John Gottman.

via Canva/Photos

A happily married couple.

Have you ever wondered whether you fight too much or are snippy too often with your significant other? Conflict is normal in long-term relationships, but when do too many negative interactions become harmful?

The interesting (and helpful) thing is that a ratio reveals the number of negative versus positive interactions one should have with one's spouse. The ratio was created by Dr. John Gottman, who known for conducting studies in which he and his team could predict whether a couple would get divorced with 94% accuracy.

What is the 5:1 ratio for relationships?

Gottman says that in healthy couples, there should be, at minimum, 5 positive interactions for every negative one. "The difference between happy and unhappy couples is the balance between positive and negative interactions during conflict,” Gottman said. “There is a very specific ratio that makes love last. That ‘magic ratio’ is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions."

The underlying message is that unhappy couples tend to engage in fewer positive interactions and if their positive-to-negative ratio drops to 1-to-1 or less, they may be headed for divorce.

marriage, dr. john gottman, 5:1 ratioA happily married couple.via Canva/Photos

What are some examples of negative interactions with your spouse?

  • Invalidating them
  • Not doing a task you told your partner you would do
  • Failing to listen
  • Rejecting a bid for connection, such as a hug or a conversation
  • Raising your voice
  • Rolling your eyes
  • Forgetting events or milestones that are important to your partner

Gottman also stresses in his research that when couples communicate negatively using the “Four Horsemen,” the relationship may be headed for divorce. The Four Horsemen are Defensiveness, Criticism, Contempt, or Stonewalling. “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament,” Gottman’s website reads. “They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death, respectively. We use this metaphor to describe communication styles that, according to our research, can predict the end of a relationship.

The 5:1 ratio provides married people with a good baseline on what constitutes a healthy relationship and a good idea of when the relationship has become too negative. After all, none of us are perfect, and we all deserve grace. But how much is too much?

The ratio reminds us that we can all improve our relationships by striving to have more positive interactions than negative ones. Even if your ratio is high and healthy, there’s nothing wrong with trying your best to do better for your and your partner.

marriage, dr. john gottman, 5:1 ratioA happily married couple.via Canva/Photos

What are some examples of positive interactions you can have with your spouse?

  • Be affectionate
  • Show appreciation
  • Actively listen when they speak
  • Do something that relieves their stress level, whether it’s a chore or helping with the kids
  • Be thoughtful through small gestures that let you know you’re thinking of them.
  • Validate their feelings
  • Be empathetic, especially during conflict

Remember, just because you disagree with your spouse doesn’t mean it has to be a negative experience. “When the masters of marriage are talking about something important,” Dr. Gottman says, “they may be arguing, but they are also laughing and teasing and there are signs of affection because they have made emotional connections.”

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Science

Turns out, "for better or for worse" is real, your spouse's moods can be contagious

From finances to daily routines, couples in different cultures share “emotional interdependence.”

via Unsplash
A married couple going to sleep.

The old adage, "Happy wife, happy life" is now backed by science, and though the rhyme doesn't work, the opposite is also true. According to new research published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, the well-being of married couples is deeply intertwined, with spouses influencing each other’s happiness, life satisfaction, and even emotional states over time. Intriguingly, this phenomenon seems to be universal across different cultures. Whether you’re in the United States or Japan, your partner’s mood shapes your own.

via GIPHY

Researchers led by Ryosuke Asano from Kurume University explored how couples in both the U.S. and Japan affect each other’s well-being through two main pathways: mutual influence (how one partner’s mood directly impacts the other) and shared environments (like household responsibilities, finances, and social circles). In other words, the ups and downs in one spouse’s life can reflect in their partner’s well-being, making married life a shared emotional roller coaster.

Well-being and “spousal interdependencies”

The concept of “spousal interdependencies” was first explored in American studies, but Asano and his team wanted to see if this pattern held in Japan as well. “I have been interested in close relationships and well-being throughout my career,” Asano shared. Inspired by a 2018 study on American couples, he wanted to find out if these “spousal interdependencies” transcended cultural boundaries.

via GIPHY

To investigate, the researchers gathered data from over 3,000 American couples aged 26 to 96 and more than 2,300 Japanese couples aged 24 to 76, surveying them at several points over time. They measured each person’s life satisfaction, emotional ups and downs, and even symptoms of depression, tracking how these factors played out in their relationships. Their goal? To see if the emotional link between partners in the U.S. would hold true in Japan, where marriage traditions and social norms differ.

Cultural similarities in the ups and downs of marriage

The study revealed something surprising: although American and Japanese cultures have different views on marriage, their couples still experienced similar “well-being interdependence.” Whether it’s financial pressures or day-to-day joys, couples in both countries showed nearly identical levels of mutual influence and shared environmental effects.

via GIPHY

One aspect that might seem surprising is just how similar the results were for couples in such different cultural contexts. Asano noted, “Estimates for spousal interdependencies in well-being…are of very similar magnitude for Americans and Japanese.” This means that while cultural nuances around marriage vary, the way spouses impact each other emotionally is nearly universal.

Boost your partner's mood and feel the benefits together

Since you're emotionally tied to your better half, making them happier can often be the quickest path to boosting your own mood. Consider these small but impactful gestures to lift your partner’s spirits and, by extension, brighten your own. Consider them tips for a bit of selfish selflessness.

Incorporating these practices into your daily life can enhance your partner’s happiness, fostering a more joyful and fulfilling relationship for both of you.

Takeaway: marriage really does mean "for better or worse"

While we often think of marriage as a partnership, this study shows just how intertwined partners’ emotional lives can become. When you’re married, it’s not just your own highs and lows you’re riding—it’s your spouse’s too. This research affirms that in both the U.S. and Japan, when one spouse feels a positive (or negative) shift in well-being, it’s likely to ripple across to their partner.

via GIPHY

In the end, the old saying might be truer than we realized. Marriage really does mean sticking together through thick and thin—literally sharing not just a life, but a mindset and mood. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, it turns out you’re in this together in more ways than one.

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Love Stories

'I love you if you love me'—choirboy's touching letter found in church pew after 125 years

William Elliott wanted you to remember him.

Photo by Josh Applegate on Unsplash

A choir boy's note was found in church pew, 125 years after its creation.

The date was August 11, 1897. William Elliott’s 14th birthday was fast approaching, which meant the days he spent singing in the church choir of the Sunderland Orphanage would soon be over.

William took a pencil and scribbled some words onto the back of a sermon paper, then hastily stuck it away inside a church pew. Now, more than 125 years later, his moving letter has been discovered.

The church was undergoing renovation in an effort to transform it into an event space called Seventeen Nineteen, when Master Craftsman Stevie Hardy found the note, which he sent to conservation specialist Matt Parsons.

It would take months to arduously clean off the years of accumulated grime, made up mostly of wax polish, dust and dirt, and specks of black paint. But eventually, the paper was successfully restored.

Here’s what William’s letter said:

“Dear friend, whoever finds this paper think of William Elliott who had two months and two weeks and four days on the 11 of August 1897. Whoever you are that finds this paper don’t tear it up or throw it away…”

“Keep it in remembrance of me, W Elliott… I was the leading boy of this choir…”

“I love you if you love me.”

Touched by the boy’s sweet message, Seventeen Nineteen posted the story to its Facebook page and went on a mission to find out more about William. Where were his parents? And whatever happened to him?

Their research indicated that William was one of 50 orphaned sons of seafaring men who lived at the Sunderland orphanage. His father, Thomas Duncan Elliot, was a chief officer who tragically washed overboard while sailing on a ship called the Skyros.

William’s mother was Sarah Elliott, a widow left with four young children, who had worked as a dressmaker to make ends meet following Thomas’ death. Prior to the father’s untimely end, that family had been financially comfortable.

William had been accepted into the orphanage in 1892, and then discharged on his 14th birthday, October 29, 1897. Though no information on him could be found after 1901, William most likely escaped a life at sea in exchange for work with a local solicitor due to his exceptional literacy and numeracy skills. Whether or not he continued to sing remains a mystery.

“His letter has touched us all,” said Tracey Mienie, Seventeen Nineteen’s center manager. “He was clearly very aware that his time at the orphanage – and in the choir – was ending and I think apprehension at what his future may hold comes across in his words.”

The letter inspired Seventeen Nineteen to launch a project called “Dear Friend,” where people can write in to receive a handcrafted letter kit along with a copy of William’s letter, then send their own personal response back.

As for William’s original note written more than a century ago, the leading choir boy got his wish. His letter has been framed and hung over the pew in which it was found. He will indeed be remembered, in the very way he had hoped for … with love.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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