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Love Stories

Love Stories

After wife's terminal diagnosis, man builds laundry soap device so she can remain independent

A village from around the world showed up online to help him get it perfect.

Man builds device to help after wife's terminal diagnosis.

When a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness, it changes everything, including things you may not have yet thought about. As their disease progresses, they're able to do less and less for themselves, sometimes resulting in a spouse being the caregiver for their once healthy partner. But for the ill person, maintaining as much independence as possible for as long as possible can be rewarding.

Artur Zamber recently shared a heartfelt story about his attempt to keep his wife feeling as independent as possible after she was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. The activity she needed assistance with is something that many take for granted: pouring laundry detergent into the cap in order to wash clothes.

laundry; bone cancer; love story; man builds device; kindnessA washing machine. Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

"It was the detergent bottle. She couldn’t press the button with both hands anymore. Bone cancer made sure of that. And when I reached over to help her, she flinched. Not because of pain. Because of pride," Zamber writes in his post. "We’ve always been equals, me and her. Forty years of marriage and we’ve never once said 'that’s not my job.' She grew the tomatoes. I built the trellis. She crocheted the blankets. I chopped the wood. We met each other in the middle every single time. But disease…It doesn’t meet you halfway."

It was this realization that caused Zamber to figure out a way to make the laundry soap easier for his wife to dispense on her own. He got some wood and spent hours trying to design a contraption that would allow the soap to be dispensed with one hand As he worked, he quickly realized he may need some assistance. Zamber posted his sketch and explained what he was trying to accomplish in the Tedooo app, an app for hobbyists and crafters to share ideas or sell things. Soon after the desperate husband's initial post, a village of crafters from around the world appeared.

laundry; bone cancer; love story; man builds device; kindnessHobby Lobby Community - Coupons, Finds and Crafters on the Tedooo app | I didn’t build this because I’m handy | Facebookwww.facebook.com

"I posted a rough sketch. Said I was trying to make something for my wife. Didn’t expect much. But my inbox lit up like Christmas. Makers from everywhere Oregon, Croatia, Argentina sent me diagrams, photos, even voice notes walking me through it like we were neighbors," he says.

After working through the design with others, Zamber created a box that holds the laundry soap and tilts forward so his wife can pour it with one hand. The man is adamant he was not trying to "help" his wife or make something "for her," but was instead making something with her in mind so she didn't feel like she needed him to do everything for her.

laundry; bone cancer; love story; man builds device; kindnessMan kissing woman on check beside body of water. Photo by Esther Ann on Unsplash

"We don’t always get to fix what’s broken. But sometimes, we get to honor it. And that’s enough," Zamber shares.

People were moved by the post on social media with one person writing in part, "This is so beautiful. The detergent holder and everything it represents. Your story is resonating with me today in a very unique way."

"Oh my goodness, what sweet, respectful, strong Beautiful Love. Praying for your wife, and for you, seems she is in very loving hands, what a thoughtful way to honor her independence, and help at the same time. What sweet love," another said.

Angelo Merendino

Angelo Merendino with his late wife Jennifer

When I saw these incredible photos Angelo Merendino took of his wife, Jennifer, as she battled breast cancer, I felt that I shouldn't be seeing this snapshot of their intimate, private lives. The photos humanize the face of cancer and capture the difficulty, fear, and pain that they experienced during the difficult time.

But as Angelo commented: "These photographs do not define us, but they are us."

In his photo exhibition, Angelo wrote:

"Jennifer was diagnosed with breast cancer five months after our wedding. She passed less than four years later. During our journey we realized that many people are unaware of the reality of day to day life with cancer. After Jen’s cancer metastasized we decided to share our life through photographs."

All images by Angelo Merendino, published here with permission.


cancer, cancer treatment, marriage, love, love storiesAngelo and Jennifer drink beersassets.rebelmouse.io

On his website, Angelo writes:

"With each challenge we grew closer. Words became less important. One night Jen had just been admitted to the hospital, her pain was out of control. She grabbed my arm, her eyes watering, 'You have to look in my eyes, that’s the only way I can handle this pain.' We loved each other with every bit of our souls. Jen taught me to love, to listen, to give and to believe in others and myself. I’ve never been as happy as I was during this time."

cancer, cancer treatment, marriage, love, love storiesJennifer holds Angeloassets.rebelmouse.io



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"People assume that treatment makes you better, that things become OK, that life goes back to 'normal,' Angelo wrote. "There is no normal in cancer-land. Cancer survivors have to define a new sense of normal, often daily. And how can others understand what we had to live with everyday?"

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This article originally appeared thirteen years ago.

Two parents kissing their child.

Parenting isn’t about crafting Instagram-worthy lunches, throwing extravagant birthday parties, or any other grandiose gestures. Sure, it can contain some of those things, but in truth, it’s about providing presence, consistency, support, healthy structure, and encouragement.

In fact, some of the best parenting moments—the ones that last with kids forever—don’t cost a dime. That’s certainly the sentiment behind one recent online conversation in which folks were asked to share simple things their parents did that “made them feel loved.”

Whether it involved physically showing up to meaningful events, infusing joy into the mundane, offering a shoulder to cry on, or setting a positive example, the moving stories all show that love manifests itself in various ways.

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resourcesmedia1.giphy.com

We all know that kids need stability. So, it’s no wonder that for many folks in the thread, physically showing up to things both big and small held the most weight.

“Either one of my parents tucked me into bed every single night and told me they love me, until I was a teen. Meant the world to me now I think back. Will definitely be doing this when my little one goes into his own room.”

“My dad showed up to everything. Every. Single. Thing. Spelling bee, Girl Scouts, cheerleading. When my cheer games overlapped with Buckeye games, he brought his Walkman to listen to the game while he watched me cheer. He did the Girl Scout camp outs with us. I’m 33 and I know that if I called him right this second to say I needed him, he’d be here immediately.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resourcesA dad holding up their kid at a soccer gamePhoto credit: Canva

“My dad was a very early riser and every Saturday morning he’d go to the grocery store just to get me a maple frosted donut so it would be there when I woke up.”

“My mom was at EVERY game, recital, musical, or other event I was a part of. She volunteered in our classrooms at school, on field trips, or behind the scenes in the productions I was in. She was always working too, but she did everything she could to be there for my extracurriculars and that meant so much.”

Quite a few also recalled how their parents were able to take ordinary things—movie nights, yummy meals, reading stories—and make them feel magical and meaningful.

“We had movie nights on Fridays. We were pretty poor but every Friday, we’d go to little Cesar’s down the road and get a $5 pizza. Then we’d go to the dollar store and get to pick out our favorite $1 candy. We’d go home, watch the movie with our pizza and candy, and then have a camp out in the living room. My brothers and I would fight over who got the couch and who got the hand-me-down recliners haha. We’d also drag out all of our mattresses and sleep in the living room on Christmas Eve. My dad made sure to read us a story every night for years. We’d ride our bikes to the library on Saturday afternoons if he wasn’t working and pick our bedtime stories for the week.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resourcesFamily movie night.Photo credit: Canva

“When one of us had a special achievement, we got to use the red plate. We also got to choose what we wanted to eat for dinner that night. It was used for birthdays, awards, reaching goals.. all kinds of stuff. It was a small thing, but also a cool way to celebrate each other’s wins. If you google “the red plate” you can see what a red plate looks like.”

“Ever since I could remember, my dad told me beautiful bedtime stories where I was the main character, and he prompted me to add to the story, keeping things interesting. It helped build our communication and grow my imagination.

“Spaghetti was ready to serve with table set, right as I got home from track practice. The sunsetting rays would come through the windows and I could see the steam coming off food, table set beautifully. This was such a treat as a young teenager, I can replay this scene in my head clear as day. The feeling of emptiness being filled with that warm homemade, healthy meal – yeah, that’s love.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resourcesA family enjoying spaghettiPhoto credit: Canva

“I was raised by my grandparents so they were limited in terms of mobility. However my Gma would always throw such fun birthday parties for me. She’d call the parents of the kids I wanted over, schedule having them meet with her & then on my bday they’d arrive & we’d go to a movie, then Chuck E. cheese, then a sleepover with her homemade cake & staying up as late as we wanted. I can’t wait to be this sort of home when my girls start school 🌟.”

“My parents were able to take me on vacations to most of the national parks near us (we were located in the Midwest). These were NOT fancy trips, we had a cheap pull behind style camper and all food was made on the road (sandwiches, soup, hot dogs etc.) Both my parents were very frugal and we spent very little, but I have the most amazing love and appreciation for nature now.”

“Saturday night treats – every Saturday we’d watch Saturday night tv together as a family, with duvets, lots of snacks like sweets/candy, popcorn, etc, and we could stay up later than usual. It was a fun way to spend quality time together as a family.”

“My mum would read stories to us at night in dim lamp light before bedtime. It was years before I realized she was making up stories as she was reading from a child dictionary. She would also bring us to the library. I felt good because of the effort she put. It also got me into reading. She also made crafts – sat at a low table with us and painted clay objects she made for our dolls. I appreciated the time she spent on this.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resourcesA mom reading a bedtime storyPhoto credit: Canva

There were also many fond memories of parents who found simple ways to make their kids feel seen, valued, and celebrated, whether it be through sweet notes, special personal days, or just using their name in unique ways. And for what it’s worth, these acts of love didn’t only happen in childhood either.

“My mom pulled us out of school one day a year to have a special day with her. She took us out to lunch wherever we wanted to go and then did whatever we wanted to do. Usually i wanted to go shopping and made her wait til after my birthday to have my day because i got birthday money from relatives and i wanted to spend it.”

“My mom would leave sweet notes in our lunches. Not every day but I remember oftentimes getting ‘Happy Friday!’ or ‘Good luck on your game today!’ type of notes. I’m tearing up just thinking about it.”

“My dad would take us out to the local airport and we'd have a picnic in the grass just outside the fence and watch the planes take off. He'd tell us what kind they were and stories about them.”

“One simple thing was whenever my dad ordered food, like from a fast food restaurant, he would always give them my name for the order. I felt so special and grown up to have my name called for the food.”

“My husband and I separated for a little while, three months, and the first two weeks were the hardest. I was so emotional, didn’t eat for a week straight, kept crying, didn’t wanna get out of bed, read constantly just to escape… I was 28.. and my dad bought me little chocolate cake with my name on it just cause he knew I love chocolate cake and he thought it would make me happy 💚🥺.”

Having parents who were emotionally available, could take accountability for their mistakes, and made necessary changes in order to strengthen the bonds to the kids, seemed to make a lasting impact.

“Honestly as an adult, my mom went to therapy when I asked her to. She made significant growth over the last few ways and it’s allowed us to repair and deepen our relationship in a way I would have never imagined. It shows so much love and effort that at 60 she has learned how to take accountability and change how she treats us. It is my ongoing goal to always be willing to apologize to/listen to my kids.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resourcesA woman in therapyPhoto credit: Canva

“My dad was never afraid to apologize. When I was about 8, I remember getting Big Red all over his car because I was pouring it out the window and watching it fly. I didn’t realize it was getting all over the car (and probably other cars). We had just left the car wash. When we got home he freaked out and yelled and screamed. I got the car wash stuff out of the garage and just sat and cried for a bit. Then he came out and sat with me and said that dad’s mess up too sometimes. He said he understood I was just being curious and did not mean it and he wished he had explained his frustration in a calmer way. He hugged me and helped me wash the car again. I remember that he said mean things, but not what he said before the apology. I remember just about every word of that apology though. I think that one sticks out because that was the maddest he had been at me up to that point…maybe ever. There were a few other stand out ones, some were even funny, but he always used them as a time to reconnect and really make sure we knew he loved us and respected us.”

“As I was falling asleep, my mom would get up to leave and I’d reach out the her… she always quietly sat back down and continued waiting. It made me feel loved and safe. She died when I was young. Just knowing she always chose me was a gift. She also was always the first person to tell me happy birthday first thing in the morning before anyone else.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resourcesA mother watching her child sleepPhoto credit: Canva

“My granny would always feed me unprompted. I would be relaxing watching TV and here she came with fresh cut fruit or a glass of sweet tea. It felt good knowing she was thinking of me. She also would always say “Penny for your thoughts” and I always felt open to sharing with her.. I miss her so much nobody ever loved me like Geneva.”

Lastly, many stories of great parenting involved providing a safe space for their kids. Not only protection from physical harm, but an emotional sanctuary as well.

“I was bullied a lot as a kid and as I got older my dad adjusted his work schedule so he could come home early every day and spend time with me after school. He even rejected a promotion knowing it would mean less family time. We’d go to the dollar movie night, take the dog to the park, or he’d get me an Oreo milkshake and a used CD for $6. The ;things' didn’t matter, but the conversation and support did. He made me feel like someone actually enjoyed spending time with me or wanted to hear my opinions and interests when I was most alone. A lot of experts say parents shouldn’t be friends with their kids, but honestly he was the only friend I had for years and I probably wouldn’t be alive today if he hadn’t shown that kind of interest.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resourcesA father holding his daughterPhoto credit: Canva

“When I started driving and borrowing my mom’s car to go to parties, she told me, 'If you ever can’t drive for any reason, including drinking, call me; I don’t care how late it is. I won’t give you a hard time when I come get you, and we can talk about whatever it is later. But I’d much rather you be safe and alive than feel like you have to hide something from me and do something dangerous.' I actually never ended up needing the offer, but I definitely felt much safer knowing I had an ace in my pocket.”

“One that sticks with me was my dad saying this to me over the years: 'No matter where you are or what happens, if you need me, call me and nothing will keep me away.' He kept his promise till the day he died, and I miss him every day. My mum is awesome too, she was genuinely my best friend growing up, she was always up for a game or a story, I’ve been really lucky.”

“My dad would just hug me while I fell apart & cried. He did it until I’d stop. Happy to do the same with my kiddos.”

Next time you’re wondering if you’re doing enough as a parent, let this be a reminder that love is powerful, now matter how you show it.

Joy

Single guy asks married men their biggest marriage regrets and they delivered

"We tend to take our spouse for granted once we get married. Continue to invest your time in her."

Man asks married men their biggest marriage regret, they deliver.

Marriage is a big step in a relationship. It's something that people think about from the time they can grasp the concept of relationships. When you factor that in with the high divorce rate, it makes sense that people want to ensure they're getting it right before taking the leap.

Typically, people ask their close inner circle for relationship advice. Leaning on people like their parents, siblings or friends who have been married to fill in the gaps of knowledge. However, with the world becoming smaller than ever due to social media, it takes little effort to gather collective knowledge from thousands of people within your target audience.

Surprisingly, people are pretty forthcoming to strangers on the internet looking for support and help. One man who goes by the name King Boiza decided to ask his internet advisors, "Married men, what is your greatest regret about marriage? Advise the single boys. It could be about anything." The married men didn't hesitate to answer the call in the most genuinely wholesome way.

divorce, marriage, biggest marriage regret, reasons for divorce, married couple, married man, marriageA happily married couple.via Canva/Photos

Gleaning collective wisdom from those more experienced than you is a common practice, but being able to do it in such a significant way is relatively new. Different life experiences lead to different perspectives that can be invaluable to someone still learning.

The advice provided ranged from warnings to what could be seen as universal truths about marriage.

"Your wife becomes the words you speak upon her, I regret not speaking life and good upon her," one man shares.

"In times of trouble, remember...It's not you against her but the both of you, against the problem...," someone writes.

"Listen when she speaks from the heart, once she feels unheard, she will be closed off for a long time if not forever," another advises.

"Not all women age gracefully with all their good looks and physique. Marry her for more reasons beyond her body and beauty. Seek a FOREVER," one commenter says.

"The grass is NEVER greener on the other side. NEVER," a man wrote.

"Don’t let the family you come from destroy the family you create," a commenter added.

"Be the partner you're looking for!" a man wrote.

"The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together," a married man wrote.

"Remember that you are not married to your idea of your wife but to who your wife is. Love her for who is she is not who you want her to be," one man commented.

"No regrets, just advice I’ve adhered to for 15+years of marriage. Lead by example. Create the emotional space for her that you want mirrored. Set boundaries and always keep your word above all else!" a commenter wrote.

"Sometimes all you have to do is listen to her," a man wrote.

divorce, marriage, biggest marriage regret, reasons for divorce, wedding, pastor, reverend, marriage vowsA couple getting married.via Canva/Photos

Forbes reports that 43% of first marriages end in divorce with the number significantly increasing with each subsequent marriage. Finding out the regrets, struggles and triumphs of other marriages may help others feel more prepared to commit to marriage with a bit of a roadmap laid in front of them.

It's clear from the comments under the post that marriage takes work and while some of the men admittedly misstepped, they seem eager to share with others so they avoid the same mistakes.

"My biggest regret in marriage was to cheat, and I'm telling you...my wife was never the same...so my advice is never cheat, never ever," one guy confesses.


divorce, marriage, biggest marriage regret, reasons for divorce, marriage advice, single men, marriage questionsKingboiza asks men about marriage.www.tiktok.com


"We tend to take our spouse for granted once we get married. Continue to invest your time in her. You won't regret it and she'll know that you really see her," one man shares.

But it wasn't only men who dropped by the comment section. Women stopped to share their appreciation for the wisdom being left for all to see.

"After reading this comment section, my faith in the institution of marriage is restored. Relationships are not perfect, but we gotta try with people who want to try," one woman writes.

"I don't know why I'm crying...I guess I never knew men like these existed...Your wives must be blessed," another woman shares.

If you need a dose of healthy masculinity and wholesome advice for lasting partnerships, look no further than that comment section. They're saving some future couple from heartache by simply showing up to answer a stranger's question on the internet.

This article originally appeared last year.