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Joy

A new study found this flirting strategy to be the most effective, regardless of your looks

It's science!

via Pexels

A couple enjoying a glass of wine.

In the 1988 Disney classic “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,” the titular character is in an unlikely relationship with his voluptuous wife Jessica. Roger is a frantic, anxious rabbit with a penchant for mischief, while Jessica is a quintessential ’40s bombshell who stands about a foot and a half taller and isn’t “bad,” just “drawn that way.”

When private investigator Eddie Valiant asked Jessica what she sees in “that guy?” she replies, “He makes me laugh.” This type of couple may seem like something we only see in the movies, but don’t underestimate the power of humor when it comes to attractiveness. A new study published in Evolutionary Psychology found that being humorous is the most effective way to flirt for both men and women.

“People think that humour, or being able to make another person laugh, is most effective for men who are looking for a long-term relationship. It’s least effective for women who are looking for a one-night stand. But laughing or giggling at the other person's jokes is an effective flirtation tactic for both sexes,” says Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair, a professor at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology's (NTNU) Department of Psychology.

“It is not only effective to be funny, but for women, it is very important that you show your potential partner that you think they are funny,” Rebecca Burch, a co-author from SUNY Oswego in New York, added.

Unfortunately, this study was only conducted on heterosexual couples.

For men, showing off their sense of humor was found to be the most effective way to flirt whether they were looking for a short-term or a long-term relationship. For women, being funny was the most effective tactic when looking for a long-term relationship. For people looking for a short-term fling, appearing available was the most effective tactic.

According to the study, humor is effective regardless of one's attractiveness. “Individual differences in age, religiosity, extroversion, personal attractiveness and preferences for short-term sexual relationships had little or no effect on how effective respondents considered the various flirting tactics to be,” says study co-author Prof. Mons Bendixen.

If you see someone you like but don’t think you’re good-looking enough for them, give it a shot. You may still have a chance if you can make ’em laugh.

The most effective tactics for those looking for a long-term relationship:

For women:

1. Makes him laugh

2. Shows interest in conversations

3. Spends time with him

4. Engages in deep conversations

5. Kisses on mouth

For men:

1. Makes her laugh

2. Spends time with her

3. Shows interest in conversations

4. Engages in deep conversations

5. Smiles

The study is proof that looks aren’t everything and shows that having a good sense of humor isn’t just about making someone laugh. A great sense of humor is evidence that someone is intelligent, wise, perceptive, confident, can see things from new perspectives and has good intuition. It also helps people quickly build bonds and share experiences, which is a great way to get close to someone in a fast and fun way.

So why wouldn’t Jessica be with Roger? The guy is hilarious.


This story originally appeared two years ago.

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Pop Culture

Therapist analyzes male 'Megamind' characters to explain why women reject 'nice guys'

"Nice Guy Syndrome" is a thing.

CinemaTherapy/YouTube

Nice isn't the same as good.

Have you ever heard a guy complain that women seem to reject them a lot, despite the fact that they're a nice guy? There may be multiple reasons for that, but if it happens a lot, "Nice Guy Syndrome" might be at play.

To illustrate Nice Guy Syndrome, licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright analyzed the male characters and how the primary love interest responded to them in the animated film "Megamind." Decker and Seawright use films to explore mental health and human behavior in their show "Cinema Therapy," which has 1.7 million followers on YouTube. Their breakdown of "Megamind" and Nice Guy Syndrome is one of their most popular episodes, which is a testament who how relatable it is.

After discussing how criminally underrated "Megamind" is as a film—so funny, with incredible writing and performances—Decker and Seawright dive into what makes the characters Hal (played by Jonah Hill) and Megamind (played by Will Ferrell) good examples of the difference between "nice guys" and "good guys." Both of these characters fall for Roxanne (played by Tina Fey) but only one of them proves worthy of her in the end. (Hint: It's not the nice guy.)

via GIPHY

Hal may be awkward, but he's "nice" in that he treats Roxanne well, at least on the surface. He's always doing things for her and complimenting her, trying to win her affections. But his niceness is transactional; he wants something from her and thinks being nice to her will eventually get it for him. He's not being nice for its own sake. When he gains superpowers and becomes "Titan," he assumes that Roxanne will want him, and we see how he feels entitled to her. He doesn't respect what she wants—in fact, he thinks she's delusional and that he needs to convince her that she should be with him.

Hal is "nice" but he's not good. Megamind is the opposite. Megamind starts off as a villain in the film, but as the story progresses, we see how he ended up in that position and how his true nature is actually good.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"This is not a story of a villain reforming," Decker says. "He was always destined to be the hero, but he wasn't really given a chance to be. And that's one thing that I find really powerful about the story is this notion that I want to be good, but people won't let me. Or I want to be good, or because of certain things about me, people don't see who I really am."

"There's a difference between niceness and goodness," Decker says. "Goodness is for its own sake. And giving love is not the same thing as expecting it in return."

He then explains how "good" and "nice" mean different things when it comes to what you want for and from the other person.

"Good is I want you to be happy," he says. "It doesn't have to be with me. I would be thrilled if it was, but doesn't have to be with me. And also, I respect your right to make the choices you're going to make. Nice is not only are you making the wrong choice in being with that other guy, you should be with me. Nice lacks confidence and is looking for someone else to give it to them."

Decker shared that he speaks from experience on this topic, as he himself went through a phase of being a "nice guy," questioning why the women he was interested in always went for good-looking jerks when they should have been interested in him. It wasn't until someone felt entitled to his affections because she was good to him that he saw how terrible that felt on the receiving end.

via GIPHY

People in the comments loved the analysis and shared some thoughts of their own:

"Megamind’s 'villainy' is really just elaborate, over-the-top theatrics and we never even see anyone actually get hurt during them. Whereas, superpowers aside, Hal is the kind of villain that can and does exist in real life, and it makes him so much scarier."

"Megamind is a story about facades. Megamind created his evil persona as a way to push people away to hide how vulnerable he really is, whereas Hal created his nice guy persona to camouflage how despicable he is in an attempt to lure people closer."

"The interesting part to me is how Roxanne was always so kind to Hal despite his awkwardness and his selfishness. She was never dismissive or rude to him. Even in that tower scene where she's trying to explain to him what's going on, she never once raises her voice or gets impatient with him, it's him who gets worked up with her. And that's such a perfect depiction of real life. You can be so kind, and so polite, and it doesn't matter, because if someone has decided you owe them something, they're going to be angry at you just for existing if they don't get it."

"I like the part when Titan brings Roxanne the flowers. It shows how little he actually cares for her. He says he knows everything about her and then immediately after he says he doesn't know what kind of flowers she likes. He likes the idea of being with her but doesn't actually like her enough to learn about her."

Unfortunately, many women have had experience with "nice guys" who are not actually "good guys," and it's often not that hard to spot the difference. But the bottom line is that being good for goodness' sake will always be more attractive than being nice solely in order to get a woman's attention or win her affections.

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Identity

An open letter to men who will have sex with me but won't date me

"It's one thing if you're not into fat women — everyone has their preferences — but if you want to have sex with us without being seen in public with us, that's emotionally abusive."


Many years before I got together with my boyfriend, I had a sex thing with this guy that I thought was relationship material.

He not only had an amazing body but a great personality as well. I was honest when I met him that I was looking for something more than just sex, and he led me to believe that was what he wanted, too.

Between mind-blowing sex sessions, we ordered in, played video games, and watched movies — couple things but without the label. But when I tried to get him to go to a show or out to dinner with me, he refused. My frustration grew as the months went on, and one day I confronted him.

"Why don't we ever go anywhere?"

"We have everything we need here," he answered while simultaneously distracting me by caressing my shoulder blades.

"We actually don't," I said. "I'm hungry, let's check out that new Indian place around the corner."

"No! We might run into one of my buddies," he said, moving his body further away from me. The underlining meaning was clear — he couldn't take the chance that someone he knew would see him with me.

He needed to keep our relationship on the DL so that no one would ever suspect that he enjoyed spending time with me — a fat woman.

He was super fit, so obviously that's the kind of woman he wanted to be associated with, the kind he could be seen with at the Indian place.

When I realized he was ashamed of being seen with me, I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach — a place where much of my pain already resided.

To him, I was fuckable but not dateable. He dumped me soon after that conversation.

He did me a favor by not continuing to lead me on. Otherwise, I might still be trying to prove to him that I was worth any shit he might have gotten from other people. If I was still his secret shame, I might not have met my next boyfriend, so thanks, athletic asshole.

I had hoped that, in this age of body positivity, men would no longer need to hide their desires when it comes to fat women.

But I was wrong.

It's just a sad fact: Many men who are sexually attracted to fat women are ashamed of it.

They're OK with banging a fat girl, but they don't want to hang out with her — someone might judge them for it.

It's one thing if you're not into fat women — everyone has their preferences, and not every body type appeals to everyone. But if you find larger women hot and you want to have sex with them without being associated in public with them, that's emotionally abusive.

Everyone should have the freedom to express their desires openly (as long as there's consent from both parties). If you modify your behavior and wants to what you think will protect you from criticism and/or ridicule, then you need help because that kind of self-loathing will only grow until it has destroyed you.

Don't act like we're in a relationship if all you really want is to experience what sex with a fat woman is like.

I'll tell you what it's like: It's as amazing and fun as having sex with anyone who's into having sex with you. We don't have magic vaginas, and our breasts don't do any special tricks — well besides the usual, like feed or comfort people.

Fat women are just as hot and sexually gifted as women of other shapes, sizes, and abilities. Being fat doesn't mean we're so hungry for attention that we'll put our own needs aside and do whatever we can to rock your world.

If you're with someone who doesn't make you feel beautiful or who isn't proud to have you on their arm, you need to dump their ass.

Being alone is far better than compromising on what you deserve or being made to feel as if you're someone's big dirty secret.

You're not only dateable, you're lovable and worthy of being treated with respect and love.

I regret not standing up for myself when I discovered the athletic guy was only using me for sex. But at least I learned, as we all should learn, that I'm responsible for being my biggest advocate and to never accepting anything less than what I need.


This article was written by Christine Schoenwald and originally appeared on 06.29.18

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Joy

Gen Z and Millenials reveal their red flags, and here are the folks who aren't getting dates

Young people are very specific about what they want in a partner.

via Mikhail Nilov/Pexels and SofieKay/TikTok

A woman into Tarot cards and a lady shocked her boyfriend likes Joe Rogan.

The numbers are stacked against young men when it comes to finding love on dating apps. They outnumber women 2 to 1 on the platforms, making the competition pretty tough. A new study finds that they’ll make things even harder for themselves if they admit to listening to the "Joe Rogan Experience” podcast in their profiles.

A new poll by Change Research surveyed 1,033 registered voters between 18 and 34 to ask about their political leanings and dating preferences. It discovered that women's biggest red flag when looking for a relationship is a date revealing they’re a MAGA Republican, with 76% of women saying it’s a turnoff. The second biggest red flag for women is people who “have no hobbies” (66%), and the third is those who say “All Lives Matter” (60%).

Fifty-five percent of women say it’s a big turnoff for potential partners to listen to the Rogan podcast. They also have a problem with people who “refuse” to see the “Barbie” movie (53%).

When it comes to men between the ages of 18 and 34, the biggest turn-off is people who identify as “communist” (64%), and they also have problems with those who have no hobbies (60%) as well as MAGA Republicans (59%).

Other turnoffs for men include being interested in astrology (41%) and saying “All Lives Matter” (41%).

Interestingly, people with no hobbies are a big red flag to people of both men and women. The common assumption is that people with no real hobbies or interests will rely on their partners to bring fun into their lives. Also, a lack of hobbies can mean a person lacks passion and may not have many personal goals.

When it comes to having too many hobbies, both men and women agree that it isn’t a big problem. The poll found that only 8% of women believe that having too many hobbies is a red flag and 6% of men agreed.

change research, dating red flags, dating green flags

Red flags in relationships graphic.

via Change Research

When it comes to green flags in a relationship, both men and women overwhelmingly agreed that they are very interested in potential partners who read. Ninety-five percent of women and 91% of men saw reading as a green flag. So, if you’re crafting an online dating profile, you may want to show some photos of you reading a book or list some of the books you’ve read recently.

They also agree that they are interested in people who research the best deals and rates before buying things. Eighty-eight percent of women listed being a smart consumer as a green flag, and men were close behind at 85%. Men (63%) and women (51%) also agreed it’s a green flag when someone looks better in person than in photos online.

change research, dating red flags, dating green flags

Green flags in relationships graphic.

via Change Research

Those of you looking to be in the dating pool during the upcoming presidential election should know there is a discrepancy between the genders regarding political affiliation among the 18 to 34 crowd. Although most people in this age range are moderate to liberal politically, there is a significant difference between genders.

This article originally appeared on 9.14.23

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