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Researchers have been secretly studying who gets "the ick" and what it might say about you

"The ick" has been around for ages but never measured and analyzed. Until now.

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The ick: A sudden revulsion to a romantic partner over trivial behavior.

The first time I heard of "the ick" came from watching the hit Netflix show Nobody Wants This. In the show, Kristen Bell's character suddenly develops the ick for Adam Brody's character (whom she's dating) after a series of relatively minor faux pas as he's trying to impress her parents. He wears a cheesy sports coat and makes one-too-many corny jokes, to be precise. She suddenly finds herself repulsed by him, and insists that no one has "ever come back from the ick."

Adam Brody's character eventually wins her back over with an impressive display of emotional maturity, but it was a fascinating sequence nonetheless. It brought the term to the attention of a lot of viewers and catapulted it even higher into the zeitgeist.

A new study in the journal Personality and Individual Differences aims to shed light on this phenomenon, and the people who experience it.


dating, relationships, break ups, divorce, the ick, dating studyThe Ick even made it to JeopardyGiphy

For starters, let's define "the ick," or rather, let the authors of the study do it:

"The 'ick' 'is a sudden and visceral aversion to a romantic partner, often triggered by behaviors or characteristics that superficially signal incompatibility or low mate quality."

In other words, it's when a person says or does something that really skeeves you out or turns you off. It sounds a little silly, but the ick can be extremely powerful and tough for people to shake. That's because, as the authors note, whatever the behavior is that icked you out might signal that you're not a good match for this person, or that they're just a low quality partner in general. So in a sense, it's an evolutionary protection mechanism.

It seems extremely harsh that our bodies would be trained to reject partners at the slightest misstep, but in evolutionary terms, it makes a lot of sense:

"A false-positive error—accepting an incompatible partner—can drain resources, reduce reproductive success, and carry long-term relational consequences, whereas a false-negative error—rejecting a compatible partner—results in a missed opportunity but poses fewer immediate risks," the study says.

So if the guy you were into shows up in a fedora one day, it's probably best to show him the door posthaste. Better safe than sorry.

What causes the ick?


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It's usually brought on by things that, on the surface, seem pretty unimportant. We're not talking about cheating, emotional abuse, or being a bad person. It's much subtler than that. The researchers use lots of examples from TV to make their point:

"In Seinfeld ... Jerry is disgusted by his date's 'manly' hands; and in Sex and the City ... Carrie is revolted by a lover after learning he wrote her a love song."

But where the actual studying part of the study comes in is that the authors began inhaling TikTok videos where users discussed their experiences getting the ick, and they began rigorously categorizing the responses.

The real-life examples are even more nit-picky, like someone who licks their fingers before turning a page. Girls "tripping in public." A guy wearing jorts, or bending over too far and accidentally showing his butt crack. Or, in Adam Brody's case, wearing a sports coat. In many cases these simple (and hilarious!) things are death knells for a relationship once the ick sets in.

The researchers broke ick-inducing behaviors down into a few buckets: Gender incongruence, public embarrassment, or physical appearance. Believe it or not, physical appearance was not the most common! Gender incongruence — guys doing girly things, girls doing manly things — was the biggest category of ick-driving behavior. One girl said the guy she was dating gave her "the ick" when he laid his head on her shoulder affectionately.

Wow...

What getting "the ick" might say about you

disgust, inside out, the ick, dating, relationships, break ups, studies, scientific researchPrime candidate for The IckGiphy

The next part of the study involved recruiting participants who were willing to answer questions about their own experiences with this phenomenon. After thorough interviews, researchers narrowed down three traits that seem to indicate people are more likely to get "the ick,":

Narcissism. People who like to be the center of attention or otherwise display narcissistic tendencies were highly correlated in this study.

Perfectionism. Not perfectionism of the self, mind you! But people who scored highly on questions related to holding the people around them to exceptionally high standards were more prone to "the ick."

Disgust sensitivity. People were more likely to have experienced "the ick" if they answered strongly on questions relating to feeling disgust even outside of a dating or interpersonal sense. People who get exceptionally grossed out by disgusting things are more likely to experience revulsion at minor behaviors in a romantic partner.

Any of those things sound like you? If you're feeling judged, don't. Remember, getting icked-out by a partner isn't necessarily a bad thing. It could be an evolutionary response trying to protect you from making a bad choice (like having a baby with a weirdo). Though it's also important to remember this biological strategy also discards a lot of potentially great partners, so listen to your ick wisely — you might just want to give fedora guy another chance, after all.

A couple enjoying a glass of wine.

In the 1988 Disney classic “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,” the titular character is in an unlikely relationship with his voluptuous wife Jessica. Roger is a frantic, anxious rabbit with a penchant for mischief, while Jessica is a quintessential ’40s bombshell who stands about a foot and a half taller and isn’t “bad,” just “drawn that way.”

When private investigator Eddie Valiant asked Jessica what she sees in “that guy?” she replies, “He makes me laugh.” This type of couple may seem like something we only see in the movies, but don’t underestimate the power of humor when it comes to attractiveness. A 2022 study published in Evolutionary Psychology found that being humorous is the most effective way to flirt for both men and women.

“People think that humour, or being able to make another person laugh, is most effective for men who are looking for a long-term relationship. It’s least effective for women who are looking for a one-night stand. But laughing or giggling at the other person's jokes is an effective flirtation tactic for both sexes,” says Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair, a professor at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology's (NTNU) Department of Psychology.

dating, flirting, how to flirt, flirting advice, romance, men, women A woman smiles at a manImage via Canva

“It is not only effective to be funny, but for women, it is very important that you show your potential partner that you think they are funny,” Rebecca Burch, a co-author from SUNY Oswego in New York, added.

For men, showing off their sense of humor was found to be the most effective way to flirt whether they were looking for a short-term or a long-term relationship. For women, being funny was the most effective tactic when looking for a long-term relationship. For people looking for a short-term fling, appearing available was the most effective tactic.

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According to the study, humor is effective regardless of one's attractiveness. “Individual differences in age, religiosity, extroversion, personal attractiveness and preferences for short-term sexual relationships had little or no effect on how effective respondents considered the various flirting tactics to be,” says study co-author Prof. Mons Bendixen.

If you see someone you like but don’t think you’re good-looking enough for them, give it a shot. You may still have a chance if you can make ’em laugh.

The most effective tactics for those looking for a long-term relationship:

For women:

1. Makes him laugh

2. Shows interest in conversations

3. Spends time with him

4. Engages in deep conversations

5. Kisses on mouth


flirting, flirting advice, how to flirt, dating, romance, men, womenA man texts a woman sitting near himImage via Canva

For men:

1. Makes her laugh

2. Spends time with her

3. Shows interest in conversations

4. Engages in deep conversations

5. Smiles

The study is proof that looks aren’t everything and shows that having a good sense of humor isn’t just about making someone laugh. A great sense of humor is evidence that someone is intelligent, wise, perceptive, confident, can see things from new perspectives and has good intuition. It also helps people quickly build bonds and share experiences, which is a great way to get close to someone in a fast and fun way.

So why wouldn’t Jessica be with Roger? The guy is hilarious.

This story originally appeared three years ago.

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Don't underestimate the power of body language.

If you’re single and want to meet someone when you go out with your friends, one of the most important things is to be mindful of your body language. Yes, how you put yourself together and your attitude matter, but people looking to meet someone want to be 100% certain they are approaching someone who wants to be approached. That's where body language plays a big role.

People with an open posture are approached more often in bars, but most think that means being sure that your arms aren’t folded or that you aren't holding a drink in front of your chest. However, author and founder of Science of People, Vanessa Van Edwards says how you position your feet is just as important. Science of People aims to help people communicate better in their lives and careers and as a self-proclaimed "recovering awkward person," Van Edwards as penned several books specializing in science-based people skills.

“I want you to make sure that your torso is open and angled out towards the room,” she told Steven Bartlett on the Diary of a CEO podcast. “I like croissant feet. You know, parallel feet are, like what we're doing right now in a dating situation. I want you to have croissant feet, which is your feet are angled toward the biggest part of the room, saying, I'm open. Come and approach me. Okay?”

@goldenshopdeals

Vanessa Van Edwards on gestures used to attract people @Steven Bartlett #diaryofaceo #doac #stevenbartlett #fyp #foryoupage


Van Edwards further explained croissant feet on Science of People from the perspective of someone looking to join a group or ask someone sitting alone if they can join them.

“When scanning a room full of people, look for what I call 'the croissant feet,'” she writes. “Croissant feet happens when someone’s feet are pointed outward, creating a V-shape. The feet are usually angled outward, away from the conversation partner(s). You’ll usually see this when someone is bored of a conversation or looking for someone else to hop in.”

One study published inPsychology Todayfound that in a speed dating scenario, people with open postures were 76% more likely to be chosen as a date than those without.

Van Edwards adds that once you see someone standing with croissant feet, the polite thing to do is to lightly touch them on the arm and ask, “Can I join you?” Then, once you join the group and become an “adder,” don’t take over the conversation, just contribute to the flow.


In the TikTok post, Van Edwards says that while you stand with croissant feet, it’s important to look around the room, make eye contact with people you’re attracted to, and smile. But you’re going to have to make eye contact multiple times. “So, Monica Moore actually studied this. I believe it took eight glances to get someone to approach. Don't quote me on that. It was way higher than I thought,” she said. When you gesture, all of the movements should be towards the person you want to approach you, further showing your availability. "I'm making a gesture for them to literally come over. If they are attracted to you at all, they will come over. If they don't come over, they're probably not attracted to you.”

In the end, approaching a stranger in a bar, at a conference, or a singles meet-up involves many uncertainties. So, when someone appears as available as possible without seeming desperate, they are much more attractive. That’s a good lesson for anyone looking to meet someone: Don’t be afraid to make it a little obvious.

Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash
a woman stares into a man's eyes lovingly

You're trying to spice things up in the bedroom because, why not, right? You read in one of those "ten ways to have more fun in bed" articles that role-playing with your partner could really take things up a notch. But sometimes, what seems like a saucy idea at the time goes completely off the rails. Canadian TikTok star Josh Richards created a hilarious clip where he exemplifies all the ways a night of role-playing could fail. In the clip, entitled "When Role Play Goes Wrong," a woman clad in lingerie nervously proposes, "Do you wanna try, like, role play tonight?"

Josh agrees but admits he's not sure where to begin. She takes the reins, and things immediately get complicated. "It's 1910, New York," she suggests. "I'm a little orphan girl, and you're the shopkeeper." (He then confirms she's at least of legal age.) "I've been stealing some thumbtacks from you, only this time, oops, I've been caught." It gets worse from there and devolves into a plan involving the evasion of the orphanage's "madam."


Unfortunately, Josh's character then gets a bit too literal. "Why would you have so many thumbtacks?"

She tries again. "How 'bout this? You're a chef in France, and I'm a rat with dreams of becoming a culinary master." Josh, rightfully, points out that this is the plot of the Pixar movie Ratatouille. After she tries to convince him, he says, "I'm not sure the whole rat sex thing is really doing it for me."

Totally fair.

Many on Reddit also seem eager to share their hilariously "unique" role-playing misfires. In what seems to be an earnest question on a subreddit thread, someone asks for examples of odd and outrageous role-play ideas. But for the most part, the comment section does not take this request seriously.

All the President's Men

File:Mountrushmore.jpg - Wikipediaen.wikipedia.org

One suggests trying different presidents to get your partner in the mood. "Four nights in a row. Each night you dress up as a different president from Mt. Rushmore."

Secret Probation

Hungry Pizza GIF by Pudgy PenguinsGiphy

Another gets extremely detailed and really hates glitter. "I’m a pizza delivery man, she’s VERY hungry. I deliver a pizza to her house, but it turns out she doesn’t have any cash to tip. No worries, she’s got something else for me. She invites me in, and I watch her slowly and methodically use some popsicle sticks and glue to make a snowflake.

I’m really bored, but she tells me I can’t leave. Not yet. She then proceeds to sprinkle glitter all over the snowflake. I hate glitter. She doesn’t care. She wants me to be upset. This is all a game to her. Finally, after two hours of watching her craft, I’ve had enough. I can’t take it anymore, so I leave. But unfortunately, I find out I’m fired because I took so long on this delivery, and my boss said I was already on secret probation.

The Portly Meteorologist

Live Tv Radar GIF by The Weather ChannelGiphy

This one gets complicated and eventually is ruined by the misplacement of an important item. "Portly meteorologist Doug borrows money from his widowed neighbor Tammy to pay for a broken fence caused by his estranged son's fiancée Margie, who has a penchant for drinking while operating a child's motorized big wheel. Doug falls on hard times and realizes he cannot pay back his debt and must make things right with more untraditional means of restitution. Tammy, while on the older side of Doug, still maintains a feisty demeanor despite being legally blind. To pay back her errors, Margie is called upon to film the encounter with a vintage JVC home movie recorder purchased from Goodwill. But first, she must locate the missing charging cable."

And of course, comedian Gary Gulman’s bit on the matter speaks for itself.

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