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Researchers studied the impact of online dating on relationships. Here’s what they found.

Millions are swiping left, but it won’t ruin your chances for love.

By

Wagatwe Wanjuki

Being single in our society can really suck.

Especially if you don’t want to be. It feels like there’s pressure from everywhere to settle down — and fast. People just expect that you’ll end up one half of a couple (or else something’s wrong with you). And the pitying stares from family members year after year during the holidays? Yeah, that doesn’t help, either.

You know what sucks even more that being single? The endless string of articles declaring that dating is dead (and all single people are doomed).

OK, they don’t say that exactly, but after reading the recent Vanity Fair story “Tinder and the Dawn of the ‘Dating Apocalypse’” by Nancy Jo Sales, it’s hard not to come to that conclusion. Sales paints a bleak picture of young people using Tinder just to have sex while other users begrudgingly settle for it even if they want more. She concludes that dating is dead. Even though I know better, the panic was still starting to set in.

And live alone, too. GIF from “New Girl.”

But wait! Before you throw in the towel and buy that sad story, hear this: The data says that Tinder has not actually killed dating.

No, really. Let’s be honest. Dating has lasted all these years. Do we really think the smartphone will lead to the demise of humankind? If you’re hoping to settle down, take comfort in knowing that dating isn’t going anywhere.

Don’t believe me?

Recent studies of technology’s effects on dating and relationships reveal some promising things.

1. Relationships that start online do just as well — if not better — than ones that start “in real life.”

One 2012 study from Stanford University found no difference in the strength or quality of relationships that began online. Why? Because online dating has replaced old-school ways of meeting a partner, like school or church. Why would a couple be less committed just because they first started talking behind a screen?

Another study found that meeting online was actually better. Researcher John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago found that married couples who met through online dating were happier and less likely to be divorced. There are a few theories about why that might be, one of which is that when people communicate online, they tend to self-disclose more, which can lead to a stronger bond more quickly.

2. Online dating sites can help your chances of finding “the one” because it widens the dating pool.

That same 2012 Stanford study also found that online dating can be a huge asset to people who have “thin dating markets,” such as LGBTQ people. Overall, the Internet offers the opportunity to meet people you would otherwise never have had the chance to meet. And because you established what you were seeking online, you already know they’re looking for the same thing.

Researchers from Northwestern University seem to agree: Having more people to choose from really is a huge benefit of online dating, not a disadvantage.

What if I told you that all of these dates are happening … because of the Internet? Photo by Stan Honda/AFP/Getty Images.

3. The Internet is not killing marriage.

I know marriage is not the goal of every person looking for a date. But marriage rates can give us insight into whether having an exponentially bigger dating pool makes people more reluctant to settle down.

And guess what? Andriana Bellou of the University of Montreal found that as more people used the Internet, marriage rates actually increased. That doesn’t mean that more online dating caused the higher rates of marriage. But it’s probably safe to say that the Internets are not killing monogamy as we know it.

4. “Hookup culture” is not a new thing created by online dating.

The same people who proclaim the “death of dating” often blame the advent of no-strings-attached sexual activity. Errrr, I hate to make folks clutch their pearls, but casual sex has been around long before the first computer was invented. Also: A 2013 University Portland study found that today’s college students actually have less sex and fewer sex partners than those who dated before the age of OKCupid.

Fellow singles looking for a partner: Join me in a collective sigh of relief.

And the next time someone sends you a trend piece telling you that dating is dead, think about what Samhita Mukhopadhyay, author of “Outdated: Why Dating Is Ruining Your Love Life,” said on Al-Jazeera America in response to the Vanity Fair article:

“Tools such as Tinder (or Grindr, Bumble, Hinge, etc.) have opened up space for people that traditionally didn’t have the greatest access to sex or relationships. … These tools have had a powerful effect on our ability to be choosy. You no longer have to marry the guy next door. These are benefits for all daters, not just entitled, sexist stockbrokers.”

Turns out we’re not all doomed. Phew. So if you live in the Philly or New York City area, hit me up for a drink — since maybe there’s hope for us after all.

Just pretend it’s me doing this seductive wink. GIF from “All in With Chris Hayes.”

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    It also notes an additional example from First Amendment expert Greg Lukianoff and social psychologist Jonathan Haidt: “Today, what we call the Socratic method is a way of teaching that fosters critical thinking, in part by encouraging students to question their own unexamined beliefs, as well as the received wisdom of those around them.”

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    According to Twain, this is how one becomes a critical thinker:

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    In his essay titled “Corn-Pone Opinions,” Twain once again challenged conformity. In the essay, Twain “argues that people generally conform their opinions to those held by the majority in their community rather than thinking independently people’s opinions,” per Scribd.

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    “You cannot engage in problem solving at all without making a detailed observation of factors that might matter to the problem, formulating a correct and complex, insightful question about that problem, weighing out different pieces of information as they relate and impact your conclusion to that problem, and ultimately drawing a complex conclusion,” he says.

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    One of the unquestioned pieces of health advice we’ve heard for decades is to get eight hours of sleep every night, with the assumption that it should be as close to consecutive as possible. However, a fascinating discovery by historian Roger Ekirch in the early 1990s found that, as far back as recorded history and up until the Industrial Revolution, human beings slept in two distinct phases every night: “first sleep” and “second sleep.”

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    The first glimpse at “first sleep”

    “I had never heard the expression, and it was expressed in such a way that it seemed perfectly normal,” Ekirch told CNN. “I then began to come across subsequent references in these legal depositions, but also in other sources.”

    Further research revealed that first and second sleep routines date back as far as the 8th century B.C.E.

    Historically, humans flopped onto their beds sometime between 9 p.m. and 11 p.m. and slept until around 1 a.m., followed by a period of wakefulness known as “the watch,” which was an incredibly productive time.

    “[The records] describe how people did just about anything and everything after they awakened from their first sleep,” Ekirch told the BBC.

    What you did during the watch depended a lot on your social status. Peasants would take the time to tend to their livestock or perform domestic chores. Religious people took the time to pray and practice their faith, as they would face fewer distractions than during daylight hours. The watch was also a great time for people to relax and talk to one another; for couples, it was the perfect time for intimacy. 

    Two sleeps a night is completely natural

    A 1992 study by Thomas Wehr from the National Institute of Mental Health took a group of volunteers and removed all natural light from their lives so they could live like humans before the discovery of fire. Within weeks, every participant settled into a biphasic sleep pattern. Wehr measured their hormones during the wakeful period in the night and found that the participants produced elevated levels of prolactin, the same hormone released during meditation and after orgasm. This wakeful period wasn’t just a change in their sleep-wake cycle, but it was another state of consciousness altogether.

    Why did human sleep patterns change?

    So what happened? How did we switch from centuries of biphasic sleeping to sleeping in one long, uninterrupted chunk (unless, of course, you have insomnia)? One reason was that in major cities of the industrialized world, street lamps and other lights began to be installed in the 1700s to improve public safety, encouraging people to stay out later at night.

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    The Industrial Revolution also brought about changes in modern work schedules.

    “The answer is really to follow the money,” Ben Reiss, author of Wild Nights: How Taming Sleep Created Our Restless World, told CNN. “Changes in economic organization, when it became more efficient to routinize work and have large numbers of people showing up on factory floors, at the same time and doing as much work in as concentrated fashion as possible.”

    The invention of the alarm clock in 1787 also had a big effect on the average worker’s sleep schedule.

    Ultimately, the history of biphasic sleep shows how much of humanity’s natural patterns have been disrupted by modern technology. One wonders what would happen to our collective mental and physical health if we returned to the way we slept before the Industrial Revolution.

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