Researchers studied the impact of online dating on relationships. Here’s what they found.

Millions are swiping left, but it won’t ruin your chances for love.

Being single in our society can really suck.

Especially if you don’t want to be. It feels like there’s pressure from everywhere to settle down — and fast. People just expect that you’ll end up one half of a couple (or else something’s wrong with you). And the pitying stares from family members year after year during the holidays? Yeah, that doesn’t help, either.

You know what sucks even more that being single? The endless string of articles declaring that dating is dead (and all single people are doomed).

OK, they don’t say that exactly, but after reading the recent Vanity Fair story “Tinder and the Dawn of the ‘Dating Apocalypse’” by Nancy Jo Sales, it’s hard not to come to that conclusion. Sales paints a bleak picture of young people using Tinder just to have sex while other users begrudgingly settle for it even if they want more. She concludes that dating is dead. Even though I know better, the panic was still starting to set in.


And live alone, too. GIF from “New Girl.”

But wait! Before you throw in the towel and buy that sad story, hear this: The data says that Tinder has not actually killed dating.

No, really. Let’s be honest. Dating has lasted all these years. Do we really think the smartphone will lead to the demise of humankind? If you’re hoping to settle down, take comfort in knowing that dating isn’t going anywhere.

Don’t believe me?

Recent studies of technology’s effects on dating and relationships reveal some promising things.

1. Relationships that start online do just as well — if not better — than ones that start “in real life.”

One 2012 study from Stanford University found no difference in the strength or quality of relationships that began online. Why? Because online dating has replaced old-school ways of meeting a partner, like school or church. Why would a couple be less committed just because they first started talking behind a screen?

Another study found that meeting online was actually better. Researcher John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago found that married couples who met through online dating were happier and less likely to be divorced. There are a few theories about why that might be, one of which is that when people communicate online, they tend to self-disclose more, which can lead to a stronger bond more quickly.

2. Online dating sites can help your chances of finding “the one” because it widens the dating pool.

That same 2012 Stanford study also found that online dating can be a huge asset to people who have “thin dating markets,” such as LGBTQ people. Overall, the Internet offers the opportunity to meet people you would otherwise never have had the chance to meet. And because you established what you were seeking online, you already know they’re looking for the same thing.

Researchers from Northwestern University seem to agree: Having more people to choose from really is a huge benefit of online dating, not a disadvantage.

What if I told you that all of these dates are happening … because of the Internet? Photo by Stan Honda/AFP/Getty Images.

3. The Internet is not killing marriage.

I know marriage is not the goal of every person looking for a date. But marriage rates can give us insight into whether having an exponentially bigger dating pool makes people more reluctant to settle down.

And guess what? Andriana Bellou of the University of Montreal found that as more people used the Internet, marriage rates actually increased. That doesn’t mean that more online dating caused the higher rates of marriage. But it’s probably safe to say that the Internets are not killing monogamy as we know it.

4. “Hookup culture” is not a new thing created by online dating.

The same people who proclaim the “death of dating” often blame the advent of no-strings-attached sexual activity. Errrr, I hate to make folks clutch their pearls, but casual sex has been around long before the first computer was invented. Also: A 2013 University Portland study found that today’s college students actually have less sex and fewer sex partners than those who dated before the age of OKCupid.

Fellow singles looking for a partner: Join me in a collective sigh of relief.

And the next time someone sends you a trend piece telling you that dating is dead, think about what Samhita Mukhopadhyay, author of “Outdated: Why Dating Is Ruining Your Love Life,” said on Al-Jazeera America in response to the Vanity Fair article:

“Tools such as Tinder (or Grindr, Bumble, Hinge, etc.) have opened up space for people that traditionally didn’t have the greatest access to sex or relationships. … These tools have had a powerful effect on our ability to be choosy. You no longer have to marry the guy next door. These are benefits for all daters, not just entitled, sexist stockbrokers.”

Turns out we’re not all doomed. Phew. So if you live in the Philly or New York City area, hit me up for a drink — since maybe there’s hope for us after all.

Just pretend it’s me doing this seductive wink. GIF from “All in With Chris Hayes.”

  • What’s the most powerfully useful underground website that most people don’t know about?
    Photo credit: CanvaOnce you know about these sites, you'll wonder what you did without them.
    ,

    What’s the most powerfully useful underground website that most people don’t know about?

    10 of the Internet’s best places, from image editors to background noise customizers.

    Despite the massive amount of time we spend on the Internet, if we’re honest with ourselves, we bounce between the same five or six websites every single day. Which is fine! But living like that makes it easy to forget how vast and weird the Internet can be. There are dozens (if not hundreds) of sites out there that are truly useful little gems that make you feel like you’ve discovered some kind of cyber secret. These are the kinds of websites you bookmark immediately.

    Luckily, Reddit made discovering these Internet gems much simpler. User @powerfulsites posed the following question: “What’s the most powerfully useful underground website that most people don’t know about?”

    underground, website, internet, reddit, screenshot
    Photo credit: RedditScreenshot of Reddit.

    And the Internet responded in droves. (Guess the Internet enjoys talking about itself.) We grabbed 10 of the best, most wonderful recommendations, from powerful image editors to science-backed white noise generators. And once you know about them, you’ll wonder how you got along without them.

    Project Gutenberg

    underground, website, internet, project, gutenberg
    Screenshot of Project Gutenberg.

    In 1971, a college student named Michael Hart typed out the Declaration of Independence on a university computer and uploaded it for anyone to download. It was free forever, and that small act of Internet generosity became the foundation for Project Gutenberg (PG). More than 50 years later, PG has grown into an incredible library of over 78,000 free eBooks in 60+ languages. Frankenstein by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley; Jane Austen’s Pride and PrejudiceCrime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky.

    Every classic you can think of, available in seconds, at no cost.

    Google Scholar

    underground, website, internet, google, scholar
    Screenshot of Google Scholar.

    You know that annoying, nagging feeling when you’re reading through an article that references a new study (about Internet addiction, or candy consumption, or why people feel the need to buy those AMC popcorn buckets at ridiculous prices) and you wish you could see the actual data? Google Scholar fixes that. It’s a free search engine for academic papers, journal articles, and dissertations—over 160 million documents—that anyone can use, no university login required. Just type your question and find out what scientists actually found. It’s a superpower most people don’t know they have access to.

    Etymology Online

    underground, website, internet, etymology, online
    Photo credit: Etymology OnlineScreenshot of Etymology Online.

    Did you know “disaster” literally means “bad star”? Or that “salary” comes from the Latin word for salt? Douglas Harper spent years building Etymology Online, a free dictionary of over 50,000 word origins, to provide information just like this to the masses. Here, you can trace the origins of modern English words back to their ancient roots. It’s the kind of site where you look up one word and resurface forty-five minutes later, cognizant of the terrifying origin of the word “nightmare.” You’re welcome.

    Rainy Cafe

    underground, website, internet, rainy, cafe
    Screenshot of Rainy Cafe.

    Science confirmed what coffee shop regulars always knew: a moderate level of ambient noise makes you more creative. Rainy Cafe bottles that affect into two sliders: one for café sounds, one for rain. Blend them to your taste and get to work. No ads, no account, no upsell. Writers and remote workers have been quietly using it for years.

    Remove.bg

    underground, website, internet, remove, background
    Screenshot of remove.bg

    Removing a background from a photo used to require Photoshop skills or a graphic designer friend. And something called a “lasso tool”? Now it takes about five seconds. Drop your image into Remove.bg, and its AI cleanly cuts the background out, including tricky edges like hair and fur, then hands it right back to you. The site processes over 150 million images a month, which is, like, so many images. It feels almost like cheating.

    Booky.io

    underground, website, internet, booky, io
    Screenshot of Booky.io

    Browser bookmarks are where good intentions go to die. Everyone has hundreds of them. Nobody can find anything, no matter how many late-night sessions you spend obsessively reorganizing them. Skip the hassle and head to Booky.io, a clean, private bookmark manager with color-coded collections you can navigate with ease. Works on every device, has a browser extension, and—crucially—doesn’t track you or sell your data.

    Explore.org

    underground, website, internet, explore, nature
    Screenshot of Explore.org

    Right now, Sandhill Cranes might be gathering on the banks of Audubon’s Rowe Sanctuary in central Nebraska. Or cute, playful kittens are playing together at Los Angeles’ Kitten Rescue Sanctuary. A bald eagle in Iowa might be feeding her chicks. The best part? You can watch all of it live, free, and uninterrupted on Explore.org, the world’s largest network of live nature cams. There are more than 150 live cameras. No narration, no editing. Just the wild world doing its thing in real time. The most peaceful tab you’ll ever have open.

    Clear Dark Sky Charts

    underground, website, internet, clear, skies
    Screenshot of Clear Dark Sky Charts.

    Amateur astronomers and star enthusiasts have a very specific weather problem: “Is it going to be clear enough tonight?” Unfortunately, regular forecasts don’t answer that. But Clear Dark Sky Charts does. This beautifully nerdy site delivers hour-by-hour predictions for cloud cover, transparency, and atmospheric “seeing” for over 6,100 locations across North America. If you’ve ever wanted to stargaze but never knew when to try, start here.

    IMSLP

    underground, website, internet, music, library
    Screenshot of the International Music Score Library Project.

    Sheet music is expensive. Buying a tuba, even if it’s used and from eBay, is expensive. IMSLP is not. The International Music Score Library Project hosts over 855,000 free, public-domain scores—you’ll find Bach, Beethoven, Brahms, and thousands more—that any musician or music lover can download instantly. Before this site existed, tracking down a rare orchestral score meant haunting university libraries. Now it’s three clicks away.

    Lissa Explains It All

    underground, website, internet, lissa, explainer
    Screenshot of Lissa Explains It All.

    In 1997, an 11-year-old in Orlando named Alyssa had trouble remembering HTML codes. So, she built a website to keep track of them…and accidentally became one of the Internet’s first teachers. By her early teens, her site had 500,000 monthly visitors. Lissa Explains It All is still live, still free, and still one of the warmest places on the Internet to learn the basics of building a webpage.

    In conclusion…

    The Internet is bigger, stranger, and more generous than the algorithm usually shows you. These 10 sites are proof. Bookmark them. (Or, use Booky.io!) Enjoy the feeling of having found something genuinely worth finding.

  • Doctor warns Boomers’ screen time habits may be mimicking dementia symptoms
    Photo credit: CanvaDoctor warns Boomers' screen time habits may be mimicking dementia symptoms
    ,

    Doctor warns Boomers’ screen time habits may be mimicking dementia symptoms

    Excessive screen time for adults can cause “digital dementia.”

    Millennials have noticed a problem with their Boomer parents’ phone addiction, and they’re calling it out. At first, it seemed like harmless teasing about role reversal, but their excessive screen time just might be an issue. Dr. Sue Varma, Board Certified Psychiatrist, reveals the risks related to increased screen time in adults.

    The negative effects of too much screen time have been discussed ad nauseam when it comes to children and teens. However, rarely talked about is the cognitive impact it has on adults of all ages. Given that Boomers have reached senior status, cognitive lapses are already a heightened concern for many.

    Boomers, screen time, digital dementia, Millennials, culture
    Elderly woman smiling at phone
    Photo Credit: Canva

    It turns out that screens might be mimicking a serious issue. This can create concern and anxiety for Boomers and their children. The psychiatrist joined the CBS Mornings co-hosts for a candid chat about the research on screen time.

    When discussing the impacts of screen time on adults, Varma drops a bombshell, saying, “We end up getting something called digital dementia or digital fog, where the symptoms of poor attention span, memory, concentration all go down, and it very much mimics a real dementia where you walk into a room and you’re like ‘why am I here, what did I come for, where are my keys?’ The tip of the tongue feeling, like there’s a word, there’s a name, ‘I know that person, I can picture them in my head,’ and the word doesn’t come to mind.”

    Researchers Rinanda Shaleha and Nelson Roque from the Pennsylvania State University Department of Human Development and Family Studies, Center for Healthy Aging, report concerning findings. “Digital engagement among older adults also carries risks, including attention deficits, disrupted sleep patterns, social isolation, reduced physical activity, and structural brain changes that could accelerate cognitive decline and dementia onset. Extended screen exposure may further contribute to visual fatigue, chronic distraction, and sedentary behaviors, potentially exacerbating cognitive vulnerabilities,” the duo writes in a recent study.

    Dr. Varma tells CBS Mornings that the symptoms can “very much look like dementia,” invoking the “if you don’t use it, you lose it” warning. This isn’t just a quirky thing that happens and stops when the phone is put down.

    Boomers, screen time, digital dementia, Millennials, culture
    Elderly man on laptop.
    Photo Credit: Canva

    According to Dr. Varma, “There are real structural changes in the brain for people who are using excessive screens, and we see that a lot of older adults are using 10 hours a day. That’s seven and a half hours of TV plus four hours of phones.” She later adds that 63% of seniors “find that social media strengthens their connections.”

    Not all Boomers fall into this category. Many are connecting with their community physically, but those with chronic illnesses tend to be on screens more often. Pew Research found that 41% of all adults report being online constantly, 84% say they’re online multiple times a day.

    Boomers, screen time, digital dementia, Millennials, culture
    Elderly woman looking at tablet.
    Photo Credit: Canva

    If people are interested in breaking their phone habit, she advises them to put their phone in grayscale mode. Varma adds that replacing digital things with their analog counterparts will also help break a phone habit. Finding ways to connect in person instead of passively scrolling also reduces screen time. Varma says that these small changes can help limit your screen time and re-engage your brain.

  • Doctor explains why some people can’t bring themselves to touch a deceased loved one’s things
    Photo credit: CanvaDoctor explains why some people can't bring themselves to touch a deceased loved one's things

    Losing someone you love is never easy, and the process is different for everyone. For some people, keeping their deceased loved one’s things exactly the way they left them is part of it. But to some people, this act of enshrinement can be viewed as unhealthy. Dr. Jason Singh argues that this behavior isn’t unhealthy at all. In fact, he explains that it’s actually your brain doing something intelligent.

    In a recent video, Singh makes his case. The doctor asks, “Have you ever lost someone and couldn’t bring yourself to touch a single thing they left behind?” At this point people may be expecting that he would touch on ways to move on from this kind of grief, but he doesn’t.

    grief, grieving, loss, wholesome, science
    A grieving woman. Photo Credit: Canva

    Instead, he shares information about the brain that can help those who are struggling with the reality of being unable to move these items. “Here’s something you may not have realized,” Singh says. “You’re not keeping their stuff because you’re stuck. You’re keeping it because your brain is doing something profoundly intelligent.”

    Singh explains that while people around you may think leaving a deceased loved one’s unwashed coffee mug untouched is unhealthy, it’s not. He shares that our brains are constantly updating information on the people we know. Like a computer system, it’s always processing new information and looking for updates. When someone we love dies, there is no new information about that person for our brains to process and categorize.

    grief, grieving, loss, wholesome, science
    Man comforting a grieving woman. Photo Credit: Canva

    Leaving things as the deceased person left them is bridging this stalled function in a way. According to Singh, “Objects are not just objects to a grieving mind. They’re the last negotiation your nervous system has with permanence. See, when your dad passes away, or your mom passes away, something neurologically catastrophic happens that has nothing to do with sadness. Your brain, which has spent decades building a mental model of that person, their voice, their patterns, their presence, suddenly receives no more data to update that model with, and it refuses to close the file.”

    He says a brain that refuses to “close that file isn’t grief” because closing it would dismantle the attachment architecture that person helped build. “So that room is not a shrine,” Singh explains. “It’s a server that’s still running, and I don’t believe you’re in denial of their death. I honestly don’t. You’re in a silent war between two parts of your brain. The prefrontal cortex, which is the logical, forward-moving, knows that they’re gone, and the limbic system. The part that holds every memory of being loved by them.”

    The doctor says that Bond’s Theory explains that there is no logical way to override that program breakdown. Picture it like the old Windows buffering signal. The computer is on, it’s running, but it can’t move forward, no matter which button you press to escape the screen. Due to this theory, Singh shares that getting rid of their things may feel like participation in their erasure.

    Singh’s explanation resonated with viewers deeply. One person reveals, “This is awesome, thank you. Husband’s clothing still in closets and dresser, his two pair of running shoes still under the bed. Two years, 4 months since he passed.”

    grief, grieving, loss, wholesome, science
    A woman comforts a grieving elderly man. Photo Credit: Canva

    Another shares, “Thank you. I thought maybe I wasn’t dealing with my husband’s death 4 months ago very healthy….I can’t even remove his things from the shower as it feels like I’m moving him out of my life and that’s the last thing I want to do. He was ,y best friend and we were married 36 1/2 years and I miss him so much it hurts every day.

    It took me 3 months to finally wash his dress socks and the entire time I was washing them I was asking myself why I was washing them and what I was going to do with them once they were all washed? I matched them and put them away in his drawer and thought to myself how silly I was as these are just “things” but these socks had his feet in them and I just can’t bare to get rid of things he touched or wore or used and Ona afraid of being a ridiculous pack rat, but I have given and will continue to give my 5 adult kids his things and try to figure out what to do with the rest.”

    grief, grieving, loss, wholesome, science
    A grieving man looks out a window. Photo Credit: Canva

    One grieving child writes, “This was good to hear. I lost my Mama 5 years ago, my parents live with my family and we’ve barely touched anything in her room, my Dad and me go in and sit ‘with her’ when we need to and although we have taken a few things out and moved some things around it’s basically as it was when we lost her that day… mug still there, slippers by the bed, clothes folded on the chair, clothes still hanging in the wardrobe, teddy on the bed and ornaments on the shelves etc all sitting there… like they’re waiting for her to come home.”

    Someone else shares, “Wow, this makes so much sense. I walk into my father’s closet, touch the clothes, smell them and then close the door. That’s all I can do right now. I also am still paying for his phone.”

  • 6 party ideas that actually make it easier to invite people over
    Photo credit: CanvaWhat if hosting didn’t have to be such a production?

    Here’s something nobody warns you about adulthood: staying connected to your friends requires actual effort. Everyone’s busy. Everyone’s tired. And between work, family obligations, and that never-ending to-do list that lives in your notes app, the idea of hosting a get-together can start to feel less like something you want to do and more like something you’d need to recover from.

    But what if hosting didn’t have to be such a production?

    party, ideas, community, connection, simple
    The less you have to do alone, the more fun everyone has together. Canva

    These six party ideas are built around a beautifully simple premise: community. The less you have to do alone, the more fun everyone has together. So, no five-course meals. No obsessive cleaning. Just good people, a loose theme, and, if all goes well, the kind of easy laughter that reminds you why you love these people in the first place.

    The Sandwich Party

    The genius of this party lies in its simplicity. You supply the bread, your wonderful guests bring everything else. Deli meats, cheeses, roasted vegetables, the pesto from Costco that you’re convinced wipes the floor with every other brand, and whatever else they feel like contributing. Maybe you throw in some plates and napkins, too. Then everyone gathers around the table and builds their perfect sandwich. It’s like Subway… but this time, you’re the sandwich artist. Everyone is.

    This genius idea comes from Michaela (@luckylamb420 on Twitter/X), who posted:

    Because who wouldn’t want to get involved in a sandwich party? It’s interactive, requires approximately zero cooking skills, and for some reason, making a delicious little sandwich with good company is just wholesome and sweet.

    Pro tip: Experiment with new flavor combinations. Interesting condiments work great here, like truffle mustard, spicy fig jam, or a good pesto (I hear Costco carries a great one…). Suddenly, your sandwich party has a proper spread. Tada!

    The Swap Party

    The one thing that unites us all? We have things sitting in random drawers or cabinets that we’ve never used. Never touched, really. A candle, still in the box. A skirt from a brand you no longer adore. A kitchen gadget (unused) that was purchased with the best of intentions. A swap party gives it all a second life.

    party, ideas, community, connection, simple
    Photo credit: CanvaWe have things sitting in random drawers or cabinets that we’ve never used.

    Here’s how it works: Everyone brings a handful of high-quality unused (or, in the case of clothes, gently used) items, and you trade them for something new to you. Think of it like free shopping with your favorite humans and no evil parking structures involved.

    Pro tip: Curate the perfect shopping experience with a nice playlist bumping in the background (may I suggest one hour of Iranian jazz?), a delightful beverage option (perhaps aperol spritzes or chilled limeade?), and plenty of bags for your partygoers’ “purchases.” Also, whatever doesn’t get claimed at the end of the party? Box it up for a local charity that could put it to use.

    The Productivity Party

    This one sounds like it shouldn’t work, but it does. Imagine all the tasks you’ve been putting off: clearing out your inbox, paying a bill, and finally scheduling that routine dentist appointment. A productivity, or “forcing,” party gathers friends together with their laptops and their most dreaded to-do bullet points. As it turns out, working alongside other people makes the boring stuff more manageable. There’s even a name for it: body doubling. Psychologists say just being in the presence of others helps people focus and follow through.

    Pro tip: Ask guests to bring something achievable—not their tax returns from three years ago (no judgment)—and realistic, something they can actually finish in an evening.

    The PowerPoint Party

    If you haven’t been to a PowerPoint party yet, here’s your invitation to host one. Each guest prepares a short, completely self-chosen slideshow on a topic they care deeply about or find deeply hilarious. Here are some ideas to get your creative juices flowing:

    • “Why [INSERT FAMOUS SINGER HERE] is overrated
    • Similar-looking celebrities
    • Things you’ve learned from watching TikTok videos
    • What I would do if there were no consequences for 24 hours
    • How everyone’s exes would fare in a zombie apocalypse
    @victreeon

    Our 2nd annual Power appoint Presentation Party and what we learned ✨ Not shown is Alex’s presentation on Money Trees and the propagations she gave everyone And Melanie’s presentation on the Real Fun Kamp!! #fyp #powerpoint #powerpointnight @Heather @Kelsey Leigh @Ash @NotEarlHickey @Tráshmañ @idesignawesome

    ♬ check – bbno$

    The result? You’ll get someone earnestly arguing that a specific cartoon character is underrated, and someone else presenting a very detailed case for why their coffee order is objectively correct. It’s funny, it’s revealing, and it brings out sides of people you don’t always see.

    Pro tip: The weirder the topic, the better the night. Encourage guests to go specific and strange.

    The Candy Salad Party

    Every so often, you need a party with exactly zero agenda other than joy…and maybe a sugar rush. That’s where the candy salad party comes into play. Ask each guest to bring a bag of candy. Dump it all into one big bowl. Eat it. That’s it. The mix of sweet, sour, fruity, and chocolatey is weirdly satisfying, and there’s something about the whole thing that just loosens people up immediately. And it’s a fun excuse to hang out.

    Pro tip: Speaking of chocolate…fruity and sour candies tend to play better in the mix than chocolate. Think gummies, Sour Patch, mini Starburst. Chopped up SweeTarts Ropes… Though honestly, there are no rules.

    The Potato Party

    Some ideas are great precisely because they’re a little ridiculous. The potato party is spudtastic; a full commitment to a theme. Guests each bring a potato dish—fries, twice-baked, mashed, latkes, whatever speaks to them—and if anyone wants to show up in a potato-inspired costume, go ahead! You encourage it. Throw in a round of potato trivia if the mood strikes. It’s the kind of night you’ll reference for years: “Remember the potato party?”

    party, ideas, community, connection, simple
    Photo credit: RedditThanks for the potato idea, Reddit!

    Pro tip: Learn from a famous Bad Bunny song and lean all the way in on the décor. Take pictures. Lots of them.

    Connection, that’s what we’re after

    At the end of the day, these party ideas share something in common: they shift the weight of hosting from one person onto everyone, which means you actually get to enjoy your own party. Your friends leave having contributed something, made something, swapped something, or, at the very least, eaten a truly chaotic bowl of candy together.

    That’s connection, baby. And it turns out you don’t need a perfect house or a spotless kitchen to make it happen. You just need to send the text.

  • Woman makes boyfriend sign ‘Performance Improvement Plan’ after he forgot her birthday
    Photo credit: CanvaA man and woman sadly celebrate a birthday

    It happens to the best of us. Sometimes we mark down important dates in our calendars only to completely space out and oops, the day has come and gone. That’s, seemingly, exactly what happened to Redditor Sure_Count_3890, a 31-year-old male who accidentally forgot his girlfriend’s birthday.

    On a Reddit post entitled “Forgot my GF’s birthday and she wanted me to sign this,” he shares what looks like a performance improvement plan, not unlike one someone might get at a job review.

    He further explains, “Obviously, I signed it but I feel weird about it. She (28F) hasn’t done something like this before and was kind of laughing, but when I asked if she was serious, she said she expected me to take it seriously. Note that we did have a make-up bday night already, I said sorry a lot, and I took her out for a movie and really nice dinner. She told me to post it bc she ‘knows people will back her up.’” And wow, did they ever!

    Reddit, Performance Improvement Plan, relationships, birthdays
    Performance Improvement Plan for boyfriend, Photo Credit: Sure_Count_3890

    The contract

    At the top of the “contract,” it reads, “Performance Improvement Plan,” with the department listed as “Romance and Affection.” Michael (last name redacted) has the position of “boyfriend,” with Katherine as his “manager.”

    The contract is pretty cut and dry. She includes a “target area,” wherein she describes the issue. “A failure to deploy date-keeping, foresight, and thoughtfulness leading to forgetting to plan, provide gifts for, and summarily plan my birthday.”

    birthday, cake, celebration
    Birthday cake, Photo Credit: Canva

    She then helpfully lays out the “employee standard.” “The employee is expected to plan events, gifts, and curate a minimum of a 1-day-long experience to facilitate celebration of their partner’s annual trip around the sun.”

    The good news is she has a plan. In her idea for “Improvement Actions,” she suggests that Michael keep a record. “Employee will agree to keep redundant, numerous, and multifaceted planning tools; no reminders will be forthcoming.”

    And finally, she offers a “Training and Support plan,” should Michael need assistance. “Employee has been provided with a calendar and sticky notes.”

    Reddit weighs in

    The Reddit comments did not disappoint. At over 34,000 upvotes, nearly 7,000 people weighed in with their thoughts. One seemed to believe that the performance review itself was in good fun, but the importance behind it was dead serious. “Sounds like she was joking about the document but said she was serious about remembering your girlfriend’s damn birthday. Remember your damn girlfriend’s birthday.”

    And though quite a few were slightly tough on the lad, they noted that his girlfriend’s ability to be clear with her feelings, but in a fun, lighthearted way, was a wonderful reflection on her character. “Forgetting your partner’s birthday is a huge f#$-up at a fundamental level of a relationship. Making sure that never happens again is not a joke. The pretend ‘PIP’ and her laughing while giving it is her effort to find a way to tell him it matters, but break up the tension a bit. That’s part of the ‘joke’.”

    Another Redditor simply raved about her. “Honestly, I think the whole situation is absolutely fantastic on her part. She’s giving an incredibly hurtful situation some levity to show him that she’s upset, but not furious at him, and is willing to give him a chance to make it up to her by being more thoughtful in the future. All while being hilarious.”

    A learning experience

    As for the OP, this comment advises them to learn from the unfortunate situation: “OP, YTA, but only because you missed her birthday in the first place. Take the L here and actually remember her birthday next time. In fact, most of what’s in this PIP is actually good advice for planning an important long-term date.”

    And this commenter could totally relate to the situation: “In these days of constant phones-in-our-hands and electronic calendars, it’s not that hard to set up recurring reminders in your phone.

    After my first Christmas with my boyfriend passed and he didn’t buy me anything (he’s not a gift giver, but neither am I, so no major judgment), I put a reminder in his phone for two weeks before Christmas to remember to buy his girlfriend something for Christmas. 10 years later, the ‘buy your girlfriend something for Christmas’ reminder still pops up every year, and we both have a good laugh about it because I’m his wife now. He remembers, though.”

  • Gen Xers share how to avoid a midlife crisis so younger people don’t have to
    Photo credit: CanvaA Gen X man and a Gen Z man reflect on life.
    ,

    Gen Xers share how to avoid a midlife crisis so younger people don’t have to

    “Try to become what you want to be, rather than what you think you should want to be.”

    Take it from a Gen Xer: midlife regrets are no fun. But what if it were possible to learn from our elders and avoid making the same mistakes? We’ve reached a moment when Gen X (and, frankly, some Millennials) has entered its silver age of wisdom and is ready to pass it on to the next generation.

    In a Reddit thread titled “Middle-aged people, what advice would you give a young person to avoid going through a mid-life crisis later in life?” there have been more than 400 responses in less than a week. They range from beautifully earnest to highly practical, with none crossing into judgmental territory. Here are some of the best:

    Don’t let others decide what your life should be

    “Don’t spend your 20s and 30s becoming someone else’s idea of successful and then wonder at 45 why nothing feels like yours.”

    “Try and become what you want to be, rather than what you think you should want to be.”

    “This is it. I followed my parents’ idea of a career and success and I’m lost at 40. I should have followed my own path.”

    Decisions have consequences

    “Every decision you make can have life-altering consequences later on. Watch your diet, exercise, money, and mental health and constantly keep tabs on them and generally speaking, you should avoid most of the common pitfalls.”

    diet, nutrition, healthy, food, gen x
    Nutritious food. Photo credit: Canva

    “A good way to try to teach yourself these habits is to just make a list of brand new things you’ll do for ten minutes in a day, then track them for a week. So, say, ‘I’ll do ten minutes of walking, ten minutes of writing, and ten minutes of reading.’ At the end of the day, after doing these things, you’ll notice they were easier each time and you even felt like you could go longer in the next session. It just shows how habits are built pretty quickly and doing something only once isn’t pointless because it’s starting a whole new act.”

    Reflect and ask questions

    “Spend time alone, reflecting on your thoughts. I know, it seems scary. But trust me. Go to a park or some outdoor space where you can be alone. Don’t look at your phone, don’t listen to music, no distractions. Just try to be there in the moment.

    Consider and reflect on any thoughts that pop into your head. Good or bad, ask yourself what are the origins of these thoughts and the meaning of them? The point of this exercise is to become more attuned to yourself and your unique life that you may not realize because we rarely give ourselves time to reflect.

    Figuring out ‘what you want to be’ requires a deep understanding of yourself, and this comes from spending time reflecting on who you are.”

    “The best way to self-reflect is by asking questions:

    Why are you unhappy?

    What causes you to feel fulfilled?

    Where do you want to see yourself in 5, 10, or 20 years from now?

    What’s holding you back?

    What can you change now?

    As you keep digging, you start to notice questions you don’t know the answers to, or try to avoid.

    Those are usually the things that you slowly have to work on, maybe with a therapist, a friend, or by yourself to become a better person.”

    Someday is now

    “Build a life that actually feels like yours—keep growing, take risks you believe in, and don’t postpone living for ‘someday.’”

    “Everything you want to do and everything you want to be is just on the other side of embarrassment. Don’t be afraid to be bad at something, we all start somewhere.”

  • Ancient salt frying, the cheaper alternative to oil frying, is making a comeback
    Photo credit: Canvasalt (left) skillet over a fire (right)

    Online, you’ll find hundreds of newfangled hacks to get food crispy and golden brown without the oil. But one new method taking over TikTok isn’t new at all. In fact, it’s centuries old. 

    Enter: salt frying. Recently, Roice Bethel (@roicebethel) went viral after sharing a clip of himself dropping chicharrones and popcorn kernels into a frying pan filled to the brim with salt and salt alone. Then voila, each of the foods puffed out, ready to eat…leaving some viewers dumbfounded. 

    “Am I being gaslit?” one person quipped. 

    @noflakeysalt

    Bonus Points if you can guess what part of the world this technique comes from. In English it’s called salt frying! #easyrecipe #foodhacks #foodscience #cookinghacks #deepfried

    ♬ original sound – noflakeysalt

    History of salt frying

    In truth, the technique of using salt (or sand) to cook certain foods has been around for millennia in countries like China, India, and Greece. And you’ll still find it among street food vendors today. In India, for instance, far far (or fryums), made from potato starch, tapioca, and/or wheat flour, are often made this way.

    In China, chestnuts roasted in large woks filled with hot sand are a seasonal winter staple, prized for their subtly smoky flavor. And in Bangladesh, peanuts are traditionally toasted in pans of hot black sand, which helps them roast evenly without burning.

    Similar techniques have also appeared in parts of the Middle East and Mediterranean, where cooks have long relied on heated salt beds to gently cook or warm foods. Historically, these methods were especially useful in places where cooking oil was scarce or expensive, making salt and sand practical alternatives. Not to mention that watching foods cooks this way is also a treat for the eyes. 

    In Turkey, sand has also been a tried-and-true way to make coffee, seen below. 

    How salt frying works

    Really, salt or sand frying isn’t so much frying as it is dry roasting. Frying food in oil makes food crispy by rapidly dehydrating the outer layer. The intense heat triggers the Maillard reaction, which is responsible for browning and complex flavors, and causes surface starches to gelatinize and harden while the inside stays moist.

    When heated, salt and sand act as equally excellent heat conductors. Both can store and distribute heat evenly, surrounding food on all sides and eliminating hot spots. This creates a consistent cooking environment that mimics the effect of deep frying, only without added fat.

    As Kurush F. Dalal, an archaeologist and culinary anthropologist, told Food & Wine, “it’s an incredibly cost-effective and very controllable process,” especially since you can reuse the salt you fry with. Tell that to the southerners among us who save every drop of their bacon grease!

    Salt frying tips

    Now, if you’re excited to try this cooking style out yourself, there are a few caveats—the most important being that this really only works on dry ingredients. Salt will stick to any damp ingredients and completely ruin the taste of the dish. 

    Second, it is advised to use coarse salt, according to Food & Wine. And at least one person on Reddit suggests that no matter what salt or sand you use, “let it heat for 15 minutes to let the volatile compounds evaporate (like iodine).”

    Lastly, you’ll need a large, deep fryer-friendly utensil, like a wok or cast-iron skillet, that can hold a lot of salt or sand. 

    So, while it may look like a viral magic trick, salt frying is really just ancient ingenuity making a well-deserved comeback. Some things are timeless for a reason. 

  • Struggling to make time for self-care? These 15 micro-habits take 2 minutes or less.
    Photo credit: CanvaBig changes start small.
    ,

    Struggling to make time for self-care? These 15 micro-habits take 2 minutes or less.

    Boost your energy, calm, and focus with these small, easily achievable actions.

    Most of us have a self-improvement checklist. Exercise more. Stress less. Sleep better. Be more present. It’s a lovely list. But it can also be quite mean and vague. And it tends to sit there, quietly judging us, while we scroll our phones in bed at 11 p.m.

    However, you don’t need an elaborate morning routine or a 45-minute meditation practice to shift how you feel. Science keeps arriving at the same surprising conclusion: tiny actions, repeated consistently, change lives. Not because of magic. Because of biology.

    Instead of a grand, sweeping declaration like, “Stress less” (what does that even mean?), start small. These 15 micro-habits take two minutes or less. Some take ten seconds. All of them have real research behind them. Begin with one. See what happens.

    Morning habits for a strong start

    self, care, micro, habits, transformation
    Photo credit: CanvaJot down the messy, unfiltered stuff.
    1. Write it out

    Before you pick up your phone—before the news, the texts, the notifications—grab a notebook and spend two minutes writing down whatever is on your mind. Not a diary entry. Not a to-do list. Just the messy, unfiltered stuff, like the dream you just woke up from or an event later you’re nervous about. Psychologist James Pennebaker spent decades studying what happens when people do this, and the results are striking: expressive writing reduces anxiety, improves emotional processing, and even strengthens immune function. Think of it as taking out the mental trash before the day fills back up.

    2. Get moving, even a little

    To change your day (on a micro level, at least), you don’t need a gym. You need two minutes and an open space. Go nuts! Jump. Sprint up your stairs. Do jumping jacks in the kitchen. Anything to warm up those muscles. Researchers at Victoria University found that just two minutes of all-out effort triggers the same cellular adaptations in your muscles as a 30-minute workout. Surprisingly, your body genuinely cannot tell the difference.

    3. Anchor your identity

    Spend 60 seconds stating—out loud or on paper—one true thing about who you are. Not a wish. A fact. Think along the lines of, “I am someone who shows up.” Or, “I take care of the people I love.” Neuroscientists have confirmed that self-affirmation activates brain reward pathways and buffers against stress. So, this is more than a pep-talk: it’s a reminder of who you are.

    4. Savor that first sip

    Before you gulp your coffee or tea, pause. Wrap both hands around the mug. Notice the warmth radiating from its contents. Breathe in the smell. Then, take one slow sip and actually taste it. Woohoo, that’s it! Research shows that even brief moments of sensory awareness lower cortisol and reduce anxiety. Who knew? Your morning drink has been waiting to do this for you the whole time.

    5. Catch ten seconds of sunlight

    Step outside, or at least to a window, within the first hour of waking, and let natural light reach your eyes for ten seconds. Andrew Huberman has spent years explaining why this matters: morning sunlight triggers a healthy cortisol spike that wakes up your immune system, sets your circadian clock, and produces serotonin. Skip it regularly, and your body’s internal timing slowly drifts. Ten seconds. That’s all it takes.

    6. Visualize a good day

    Close your eyes for one minute and picture one thing going well today. Not perfectly and not the entire day. Just one thing, well. The research here comes from the sports world, where mental rehearsal has been studied extensively. Studies show that imagining yourself performing an action fires the same neural pathways as actually doing it.

    Mid-day habits to ease stress

    self, care, micro, habits, transformation
    Photo credit: CanvaThe antidote is choosing, for once, not to hurry.
    7. Slow down on purpose

    Once a day, pick one task that doesn’t actually need to be rushed, and deliberately don’t rush it. Walk a little slower. Eat a few bites without looking at a screen. Wash those dishes at a snail’s pace. Researchers who study “hurry sickness” (yes, it’s a real clinical term) have found that chronic time urgency keeps your amygdala on high alert, flooding your system with cortisol for hours. The antidote is choosing, for once, not to hurry. Your nervous system will slowly get the message that not everything is an emergency.

    8. Leave your phone out of the bathroom

    This one isn’t glamorous, but it matters. Studies have found that phones carry roughly ten times more bacteria than toilet seats. Besides, neurologists note that bathroom scrolling creates dependency, fragments attention, and eliminates one of the last quiet spaces in the day. The bathroom used to be a sanctuary. Reclaim it.

    9. Sigh or hum out loud

    Stanford study published in 2023 found that the “physiological sigh”—a double inhale through the nose followed by a long exhale through the mouth—reduced stress hormones more effectively than mindfulness meditation in head-to-head trials. Alternatively, try humming. Humming for 60 seconds stimulates the vagus nerve through vibration, effectively shifting your body from fight-or-flight to rest-and-digest.

    10. Run cold water over your hands

    When anxiety peaks, hold your hands under cold running water for 30 seconds. Cold water on the skin activates what physiologists call the “diving reflex,” triggering the vagus nerve to slow your heart rate and engage the parasympathetic nervous system. It’s an ancient mammalian stress response that still works remarkably well.

    11. Unclench that jaw

    Right now, check: are your teeth touching? Is your tongue pressed against the roof of your mouth? Most of us spend hours a day with our jaws subtly clenched, and researchers now recognize this as a nervous system pattern, not just a dental one. The simple act of letting the jaw go slack, teeth apart, sends a signal to your brain that the perceived threat has passed.

    Evening habits for rest and connection

    self, care, micro, habits, transformation
    Avoid bright evening light. Canva
    12. Dim the lights

    Around sunset, switch off your overhead lights and use softer lamps instead. The reverse can be catastrophic: a 2021 study in PNAS found that just a few weeks of bright evening lighting can delay your circadian rhythm by two to three hours, disrupting sleep, memory, and mood.

    13. Hold a smile for five seconds

    Yes, even a fake one. A landmark 2022 study involving nearly 4,000 people across 19 countries found that deliberately holding a smile—even without genuine emotion—makes people feel measurably happier. The science behind that? Facial muscles feed information back to the brain, meaning your mind will get the message. So, hold that grin for five seconds.

    14. Give one genuine compliment

    Before the day ends, tell someone something specific you admire about them. Not a generic compliment, like “great job.” Dig for something real. Maybe they handled a tricky moment with poise, or put in some extra effort while crafting that company-wide email. It could be as simple as, “Hey, your sandwich looked incredible during lunch.” Cornell researchers discovered that we consistently underestimate how much our words mean to others, and that compliment recipients feel far better than givers ever predict. The kicker? The givers feel better, too.

    15. Finish your shower with 30 seconds of cold

    A Dutch randomized controlled trial of over 3,000 people found that ending a shower with just 30 seconds of cold water reduced sick days by 29%. Going even further, there was no difference between 30, 60, or 90 seconds: the benefit kicks in almost immediately. This little dose of freezing also produces a lasting surge of dopamine and norepinephrine. So, while it’s unpleasant for about five seconds. Then it isn’t, and you feel great.

    Don’t go overboard, okay?

    Despite the headline of this article, you don’t have to do all 15. How about you just pick two? Try them for a week and notice what shifts. The point here isn’t perfection; it’s incorporating the smallest acts into your daily routine and watching them compound into tangible benefits. Remember, your nervous system is paying attention, even when you think nothing is happening. Feed it something good to work with.

Generations

Gen Xers share how to avoid a midlife crisis so younger people don’t have to

Culture

Ancient salt frying, the cheaper alternative to oil frying, is making a comeback

Life Hacks

Struggling to make time for self-care? These 15 micro-habits take 2 minutes or less.

Generations

Resurfaced 80s training video on ‘how to tip’ has people laughing with Gen X nostalgia