Heroes

Researchers studied the impact of online dating on relationships. Here's what they found.

Millions are swiping left, but it won't ruin your chances for love.

Researchers studied the impact of online dating on relationships. Here's what they found.

Being single in our society can really suck.

Especially if you don't want to be. It feels like there's pressure from everywhere to settle down — and fast. People just expect that you'll end up one half of a couple (or else something's wrong with you). And the pitying stares from family members year after year during the holidays? Yeah, that doesn't help, either.

You know what sucks even more that being single? The endless string of articles declaring that dating is dead (and all single people are doomed).

OK, they don't say that exactly, but after reading the recent Vanity Fair story "Tinder and the Dawn of the 'Dating Apocalypse'" by Nancy Jo Sales, it's hard not to come to that conclusion. Sales paints a bleak picture of young people using Tinder just to have sex while other users begrudgingly settle for it even if they want more. She concludes that dating is dead. Even though I know better, the panic was still starting to set in.


And live alone, too. GIF from "New Girl."

But wait! Before you throw in the towel and buy that sad story, hear this: The data says that Tinder has not actually killed dating.

No, really. Let's be honest. Dating has lasted all these years. Do we really think the smartphone will lead to the demise of humankind? If you're hoping to settle down, take comfort in knowing that dating isn't going anywhere.

Don't believe me?

Recent studies of technology's effects on dating and relationships reveal some promising things.

1. Relationships that start online do just as well — if not better — than ones that start "in real life."

One 2012 study from Stanford University found no difference in the strength or quality of relationships that began online. Why? Because online dating has replaced old-school ways of meeting a partner, like school or church. Why would a couple be less committed just because they first started talking behind a screen?

Another study found that meeting online was actually better. Researcher John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago found that married couples who met through online dating were happier and less likely to be divorced. There are a few theories about why that might be, one of which is that when people communicate online, they tend to self-disclose more, which can lead to a stronger bond more quickly.

2. Online dating sites can help your chances of finding "the one" because it widens the dating pool.

That same 2012 Stanford study also found that online dating can be a huge asset to people who have "thin dating markets," such as LGBTQ people. Overall, the Internet offers the opportunity to meet people you would otherwise never have had the chance to meet. And because you established what you were seeking online, you already know they're looking for the same thing.

Researchers from Northwestern University seem to agree: Having more people to choose from really is a huge benefit of online dating, not a disadvantage.

What if I told you that all of these dates are happening ... because of the Internet? Photo by Stan Honda/AFP/Getty Images.

3. The Internet is not killing marriage.

I know marriage is not the goal of every person looking for a date. But marriage rates can give us insight into whether having an exponentially bigger dating pool makes people more reluctant to settle down.

And guess what? Andriana Bellou of the University of Montreal found that as more people used the Internet, marriage rates actually increased. That doesn't mean that more online dating caused the higher rates of marriage. But it's probably safe to say that the Internets are not killing monogamy as we know it.

4. "Hookup culture" is not a new thing created by online dating.

The same people who proclaim the "death of dating" often blame the advent of no-strings-attached sexual activity. Errrr, I hate to make folks clutch their pearls, but casual sex has been around long before the first computer was invented. Also: A 2013 University Portland study found that today's college students actually have less sex and fewer sex partners than those who dated before the age of OKCupid.

Fellow singles looking for a partner: Join me in a collective sigh of relief.

And the next time someone sends you a trend piece telling you that dating is dead, think about what Samhita Mukhopadhyay, author of "Outdated: Why Dating Is Ruining Your Love Life," said on Al-Jazeera America in response to the Vanity Fair article:

"Tools such as Tinder (or Grindr, Bumble, Hinge, etc.) have opened up space for people that traditionally didn't have the greatest access to sex or relationships. ... These tools have had a powerful effect on our ability to be choosy. You no longer have to marry the guy next door. These are benefits for all daters, not just entitled, sexist stockbrokers."

Turns out we're not all doomed. Phew. So if you live in the Philly or New York City area, hit me up for a drink — since maybe there's hope for us after all.

Just pretend it's me doing this seductive wink. GIF from "All in With Chris Hayes."

True

If the past year has taught us nothing else, it's that sending love out into the world through selfless acts of kindness can have a positive ripple effect on people and communities. People all over the United States seemed to have gotten the message — 71% of those surveyed by the World Giving Index helped a stranger in need in 2020. A nonprofit survey found 90% helped others by running errands, calling, texting and sending care packages. Many people needed a boost last year in one way or another and obliging good neighbors heeded the call over and over again — and continue to make a positive impact through their actions in this new year.

Upworthy and P&G Good Everyday wanted to help keep kindness going strong, so they partnered up to create the Lead with Love Fund. The fund awards do-gooders in communities around the country with grants to help them continue on with their unique missions. Hundreds of nominations came pouring in and five winners were selected based on three criteria: the impact of action, uniqueness, and "Upworthy-ness" of their story.

Here's a look at the five winners:

Edith Ornelas, co-creator of Mariposas Collective in Memphis, Tenn.

Edith Ornelas has a deep-rooted connection to the asylum-seeking immigrant families she brings food and supplies to families in Memphis, Tenn. She was born in Jalisco, Mexico, and immigrated to the United States when she was 7 years old with her parents and sister. Edith grew up in Chicago, then moved to Memphis in 2016, where she quickly realized how few community programs existed for immigrants. Two years later, she helped create Mariposas Collective, which initially aimed to help families who had just been released from detention centers and were seeking asylum. The collective started out small but has since grown to approximately 400 volunteers.

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Many of us have watched helplessly as friends and family members fall down the rabbit hole, spewing strange ideas about Democrats and celebrities being pedophiles who torture children while Donald Trump leads a behind-the-scenes roundup of these evil Deep State actors. Perfectly intelligent people can be susceptible to conspiracy theories, no matter how insane, which makes it all the more frustrating.

A person who was a true believer in QAnon mythology (which you can read more about here) recently participated in an "Ask Me Anything" thread on Reddit, and what they shared about their experiences was eye-opening. The writer's Reddit handle is "diceblue," but for simplicity's sake we'll call them "DB."

DB explained that they weren't new to conspiracy theories when QAnon came on the scene. "I had been DEEP into conspiracy for about 8 years," they wrote. "Had very recently been down the ufo paranormal rabbit hole so when Q really took off midterm for trump I 'did my research' and fell right into it."

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True

If the past year has taught us nothing else, it's that sending love out into the world through selfless acts of kindness can have a positive ripple effect on people and communities. People all over the United States seemed to have gotten the message — 71% of those surveyed by the World Giving Index helped a stranger in need in 2020. A nonprofit survey found 90% helped others by running errands, calling, texting and sending care packages. Many people needed a boost last year in one way or another and obliging good neighbors heeded the call over and over again — and continue to make a positive impact through their actions in this new year.

Upworthy and P&G Good Everyday wanted to help keep kindness going strong, so they partnered up to create the Lead with Love Fund. The fund awards do-gooders in communities around the country with grants to help them continue on with their unique missions. Hundreds of nominations came pouring in and five winners were selected based on three criteria: the impact of action, uniqueness, and "Upworthy-ness" of their story.

Here's a look at the five winners:

Edith Ornelas, co-creator of Mariposas Collective in Memphis, Tenn.

Edith Ornelas has a deep-rooted connection to the asylum-seeking immigrant families she brings food and supplies to families in Memphis, Tenn. She was born in Jalisco, Mexico, and immigrated to the United States when she was 7 years old with her parents and sister. Edith grew up in Chicago, then moved to Memphis in 2016, where she quickly realized how few community programs existed for immigrants. Two years later, she helped create Mariposas Collective, which initially aimed to help families who had just been released from detention centers and were seeking asylum. The collective started out small but has since grown to approximately 400 volunteers.

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Images via Canva and Unsplash

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Much has been made of the mental health impact of the pandemic, which is a good thing. We need to have more open conversations about mental health in general, and with everything so upside down, it's more important now than ever. However, it feels like pandemic mental health conversations have been dominated by people who want to justify anti-lockdown arguments. "We can't let the cure be worse than the disease," people say. Kids' mental health is cited as a reason to open schools, the mental health challenges of financial despair as a reason to keep businesses open, and the mental health impact of social isolation as a reason to ditch social distancing measures.

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