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Mother unloads fiery lesson on why she teaches her five daughters that 'virginity doesn't exist'

You don't "lose" anything after your first time.

via @Book_Mama/TikTok
Cayce LaCorte explains why virginity doesn't exist.

The concept of virginity is a very loaded issue in American culture. If a woman loses hers when she's too young she can be slut-shamed. If a man remains a virgin for too long, he can be bullied for not being manly enough. There is also a whole slew of religious mind games associated with virginity that can give people some serious psychological problems associated with sex.

Losing one's virginity has also been blown up way beyond proportion. It's often believed that it's a magical experience—it's usually not. Or that after having sex for the first time people can really start to enjoy living life—not the case. What if we just dropped all of the stigmas surrounding virginity and instead, replaced them with healthy attitudes toward sex and relationships?

Writer Cayce LaCorte is going viral on TikTok for the simple way she's taught her five daughters to think about virginity: They don't have to.


virginity, viral tiktok, parenting girls, mom, girls, parenting, motherhood, sex, dating, teens, loveLessons in "purity' unfortunately start very young for many girls. Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

LaCorte shared her parenting ideas on TikTok in response to mom-influencer Nevada Shareef's question: "Name something about the way you raised your kids that people think is weird but you think is healthy."

"I'm gonna get a lot of shit for this, but what are you gonna do?" she said in the video. "I'm raising my five daughters to believe that there is no such thing as virginity."



When it comes to explaining the "why," LaCorte had some extremely strong words on the matter.

"It is a patriarchal concept used to control women and serves no purpose other than making women feel bad about ourselves," she explained. "Just because some guy randomly sticks his penis in you at some point in your life, it does not change your worth. It does not change who you are. It doesn't do anything other than it happened."

LaCorte isn't wrong. Many cultures place a high value on virginity, almost always on female virginity, and the concept is heavily linked with male-ownership and tracking male-lineage. In the middle ages, it was widely believed that if a man had sex with a woman, that he "owned" her and any man shown to have married a "false virgin" was entitled to compensation. The methods for determining and proving virginity were barbaric and akin to the Salem witch trials. Safe to say, there wasn't a lot of due process available for women then!

The mom also responded to those who may criticize her for encouraging promiscuity.

"Sex is important. It's a big deal; it should always be a big deal. It has nothing to do with your first time. It's just ridiculous. The whole concept is ridiculous," the video explained. We can teach our kids to value sex and be extremely careful about who they share physical intimacy without tying in outdated ideas of purity, or that something will be "lost" after they engage in sex.

virginity, viral tiktok, parenting girls, mom, girls, parenting, motherhood, sex, dating, teens, loveYou don't "lose" anything when you have sex for the first time.Giphy

LaCorte also believes that sex shouldn't be so closely associated with one's moral character. In other words, so what if someone is promiscuous? Does having a lot of sexual partners make you a bad person? Again, it's a double-standard applied far more heavily to girls. Men who have lots of sex are revered for it.

"I'm raising them to be good people and have solid foundations and make their own choices and make intelligent choices. Not because some book says not to," she concluded the video.

The video made a lot of people realize that virginity is so ingrained in our society that the concept is rarely questioned.

"I never really thought about this to be honest," one commenter wrote. "I will absolutely be adopting this!! Thank you for sharing."

"I have 2 girls, and I think this is how I will teach them when they are older. This would have made me feel more self worth when I was younger," Samantha wrote.

virginity, viral tiktok, parenting girls, mom, girls, parenting, motherhood, sex, dating, teens, loveWomen are judged for losing their virginity; men are mocked for failing to do so.Giphy

LaCorte's comments about women and virginity need to be heard. But there should also be more discussion around how men also fight the stigma associated with virginity.

Another user added, "The boys need to hear this too - we need to change the conversation and misconception," making the astute point that boys are mocked for not having sex, or for not having enough of it. For kids all of sexes and genders, we need to remove the idea that being a virgin, or not, has any sort of weight on your value as a human being.

There's an unwritten law that says men must lose their virginity by the age of 18 or by at least 21 or that somehow they are less of a man. For men that are virgins into their 20s, "Sex goes from being something to be enjoyed to a giant monolith of titanic proportions that casts a shadow over everything they do and who they are," dating coach Harris O'Malley writes.

Sex is a tricky issue that everyone should be able to approach in their own way, at their own time. It's great that LaCorte's video has gone viral for illustrating the fact that virginity is just another obstacle on the road to sexual maturity that shouldn't factor into whether we decide to have sex or not.

This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

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Identity

NFL's first openly gay player shares hilarious moment he realized it was 'safe' to come out

Nassib himself made a gay joke, and the reaction from other players told him everything.

Erik Drost - CC BY 2.0 & Canva Photos

It took years and a lot of courage for Carl Nassib to come out. Now he's sharing the surprisingly funny story.

When Carl Nassib told the world he was gay, it was a huge moment for the NFL, sports, and the queer community. At the time, Nassib was a key defensive player for the Las Vegas Raiders, and his announcement made him the first openly gay active NFL player.

Before him, a few other players had come out after retiring. And there had also been the news and hype around Michael Sam a few years earlier, who was also openly gay. But unlike Nassib, Sam never saw NFL action in a regular-season game and was released before he could make a name for himself in the league. However, there was plenty of debate and rumors that Sam's open sexuality had contributed to his falling in the 2014 draft and ultimately washing out of the league. Though Sam was a good first step forward for the sports world, his experience didn't exactly leave the door wide open for the next person.

Nassib didn't let that stop him. He made his announcement in June of 2021, during the offseason, and on the opening Monday Night Football game of the next season, he made the key defensive play in front of an audience of millions to essentially win the game for his team.


@abcnews

#CarlNassib makes history by coming out as first openly gay active NFL player: “I’ve been meaning to do this for a while now.” #news #sports

Nassib was recently interviewed on The Pivot podcast and gave new insight into his decision to come out. One funny story, in particular, stuck out in his memory.

Former players Ryan Clark and Channing Crowder, hosts of the podcast, asked Nassib if he had any stories about his time in the league worth sharing. "I don't want a bad story because everybody thinks football players are these big meatheads who don't understand anything," Crowder said. "I got funny stories," Nassib replied.

Nassib said that during a game against Cleveland in 2020, he was annoyed that the Browns kept running a play called a "bootleg" away from him, which meant he had to expend a lot of energy sprinting full speed across the field to catch up. "I was so mad," he says.

"Stop with these gay ass bootlegs!" he yelled at the opposing team, admitting later in the interview that his own use of the word was pretty ignorant at the time. And that's when the entire opposing offensive line turned around and told him "You can't say that!"

"Oh man, the league is ready for this," Nassib recalls thinking. "They are ready for me. We got some allies here. ...I was like, 'This is so funny. The guy about to come out, saying the word gay, getting shut down by five massive dudes."

Watch the whole podcast exchange here:


Of course, there was more to it than that one funny moment. Later in the interview, Nassib went on to explain that the death of his uncle, who was also gay, had a huge impact on his decision.

Nassib grew up in a huge family, and his uncle was the only one of the whole bunch of 44 cousins who was open about being gay. On his Uncle Bill's deathbed in 2019, Nassib came out to him privately, and his uncle was so relieved not to be the only one. It inspired Nassib that he could do that for even more people around the world.

"When I came out to him, he was like, 'This is the biggest weight off my chest. I'm not the only one." Nassib remembers thinking, "Man, there's probably so many people out there that are going to feel that same way." Nassib had been wanting to come out publicly for years, but that moment with his uncle was one of the main catalysts that gave him the courage to finally go through with it.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Though Nassib is now retired from pro football, he leaves behind a powerful legacy. There have been no new players to follow in his footsteps per se, but young people all over the world have been quietly following his example ever since.

Nassib and his family still regularly hear from teenagers and their parents that his video gave them the courage to come out, or to participate in sports despite their fears of rejection. He continues to work closely with the Trevor Project and other organizations that aim to make the world safer for LGBTQ youth. And to think, it all may not have happened if those beefy Browns players hadn't called him out on the field!

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Parenting

Mom sparks debate when she says she no longer brings snacks and water when out with her 3-year-old

The teachers loved the idea. Not all the parents were convinced.

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A mom went viral for explaining why she won't bring snacks and water on short outings with her 3-year-old

It's a struggle all parents run into eventually. It becomes too much, and far too annoying, to be responsible for every aspect of your children's lives and well-being. At some point, they need to start taking ownership over the things that are important to them. When they hit the age where they begin to really care about what they wear? They better be involved in doing their own laundry! Got soccer practice? Better remember to get dressed and pack your bag before it's time to go.

Mom and dad can't be the only ones keeping everyone on track 24/7. But, of course, this is a battle that's fought both in our homes and in American culture at large. Kids are less independent now than the were in previous generations. Fewer kids walk to school or play outside unsupervised. And some say that it shows.

One mom is using a "harsh" parenting technique to instill this kind of independence in her kids from an early age.


moms, mothers, parenting, kids, toddlers, babies, consequences, punishment, psychologySome argue that kids need tough love from an early age to learn independence and responsibility. Photo by Gabe Pierce on Unsplash

Chelsea, a professor and homesteader, recently took to TikTok to share some words of wisdom that have helped her in raising her 1- and 3-year-olds without collapsing from constant overwhelm.

"I don't know who needs to hear this but if you have little kids, you have to try one of my favorite recent parenting techniques," she says in the selfie-style video. "This might sound a little crazy or a little crude, but i promise if you listen, I will explain how this has added so much value."

She begins by offering an example of a scenario most parents can relate to.

"The other day we were driving in the car and from the backseat [my 3-year-old] calls 'Mom, I'm hungry!' My response to her when she said she was hungry was 'Oh, did you bring a snack?'"

The essence of Chelsea's independence technique is that she no longer brings snacks, water, or entertainment like books and games on short trips out with her kids. Instead, she pushes them to remember to bring what they need.

"I know, this sounds a little harsh. I promise, I'm not letting them go hungry, I'm not letting them go thirsty," Chelsea says. "They are very hydrated, well fed kids. This is used in very specific scenarios. But what this does is it puts a little bit of the responsibility and the ownership on them."

"Number one, it helps her understand that she has to take some responsibility in bringing something [she needs.]" Though, the mom of two adds that she helps remind her daughter before they leave the house to make sure she has everything she needs.

"I'm helping her prepare, but i'm also teaching her a little bit of a natural consequence. Because if she doesn't bring her water or her snack, then her natural consequence is she doesn't get snack."

After using this technique for a while, Chelsea notices that her daughter will remember on her own far more often. And if she does forget, mom's often got her back. Chelsea states that if her daughter forgets her water and mom just so happens to have one for her, her daughter is incredibly grateful and appreciative. I think all parents would like more of that sentiment from their kids!

Watch the whole clip here:

@sunny_acres_regen_farm

My small contribution to making the next generation less entitled #mom #toddlermom #toddlers #parenting #homestead

The video racked up over 400,000 views and left parents, teachers, and other commenters extremely divided.

Some loved the idea. Teachers, especially, were keen on the idea of kids coming into their classrooms having learned more responsibility and independence at home from a young age:

"I’m a teacher and this will help your children so much. A lot of kids don’t know how to solve problems or take responsibility"

"I’m a kindergarten teacher and I approve this message"

"As a teacher, thank you. I can tell asap when a child had never been responsible for a single thing in their life. Then they get to kinder and are lost bc someone has always done everything for them"

Teachers have a great perspective because they see and work closely with so many kids. They're really plugged in to bigger trends and concerns that affect the entire age group and not just one single kid or family. So when they say kids need to learn more independence early, it's usually a good idea to listen.

Some commenters chimed in that they, themselves, were raised this way, or had used similar approaches successfully with their own kids:

"Seriously, I don’t remember being offered snacks and drinks constantly or having them always around anywhere all the time. If we were out and about a lot of times I had to wait (within reason)"

"I did this with my now adult children. My youngest (18) is constantly shocked by his friends who aren’t like him and his siblings."

Some people, however, had concerns with whether this technique was age-appropriate for a toddler:


moms, mothers, parenting, kids, toddlers, babies, consequences, punishment, psychologyIt can be tough for toddlers to think ahead about the future consequences of their behavior.Giphy

"my boomer mom said things like this and it created a lot of anxiety that I had to remember to take care of myself and I felt abandoned"

"I dont like this at all! Why should a THREE year old need to be concerned with bringing her own water?"

"a good technique for older kids but i think your kids are too young so it's not a developmentally appropriate expectation"

"A more age appropriate way would be have her help you pack her bag."

These commenters are right in that natural consequences is a very effective parenting technique, but it can also be fraught. There's a fine line between teaching kids responsibility and making them feel like no one is looking out for them. 3-years-old is a really tricky age for this kind of parenting. Toddlers can understand immediate cause-and-effect relationships, but have trouble linking their actions with future consequences. So while there's nothing wrong with introducing concepts of consequences, independence, and responsibility to kids 3 and under, it's important to keep expectations in line with what's age-appropriate.

It sounds like Chelsea's got a good handle on the right balance, but in less-careful hands this kind of approach could be a disaster.


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Parenting

Mom shares 4-part secret to making her home "the house" for her son and his friends.

Con: They eat all your food. Pro: You'll learn to know and trust the people they spend their time with.

hi.im.amywhite/Instagram

I grew up in "the house." In high school, my home was the designated place where my friends gathered, sometimes in big groups, sometimes just my small core squad. My three best friends spent the night there almost every Friday and/or Saturday night for four years straight. We devoured Totino's frozen pizzas by the dozens, inhaled soda, and laid waste to any snacks or leftovers that were brave enough to exist somewhere in the kitchen. Not only that, but my house was pretty small — four teenage boys took up a lot of space in the living room (the whole thing) and made a lot of noise playing video games deep into the night. It must have driven my parents and older brothers crazy. It's a wonder anyone put up with it.

Or, so I thought when I was younger. When I became a parent myself, I started to understand a little more why my mom and dad were so willing to host and feed me and all my friends every single weekend. Why the outrageous grocery bill and constant chaos in the house was probably a small price to pay.

One mom has perfectly encapsulated why turning her home into "the house" for her son and his friends was so valuable and exactly how she did it.


Man showering, text "welcome to my crib," Dr. Squatch logo.Giphy

Amy White shared a reel on Instagram showing her college-aged son hanging in her dining room with a group of friends playing cards. The text overlay reads "What makes your kids high school friends want to come over, play cards & spend the night on their College Christmas Break". I think most parents can agree that we want our kids to keep coming home as long as possible! So how exactly did White pull this off?

Her explanation in the caption was spot-on.

First, White says that you have to start early. Become "the hang out house" in high school or even earlier. Then you have a better chance of holding onto the mantle into your kid's college years.

Next, be ready to stock the house with snacks and drinks, and don't make a fuss when your kid's friends have at it. "The kids knew we had food," she writes, "BUT they also knew I didn't care what they had. They knew they could eat anything in my pantry and fridge."

Third, and this is a big one, don't mistake being the "cool house" for being "the house." Some parents choose to allow their underage kids and friends to drink alcohol under their supervision, but you don't have to bend your morals and the law to lure the squad over to your place. Pizza and Coke is plenty to keep most teens happy. "We were not the house that served alcohol or even allowed the kids to bring alcohol to our house. And Guess What?? The kids still came and wanted to hang at our house!"

Fourth, always say Yes (as often as possible, anyway) when your kids want to have friends over. "They know my answer is 99% of the time YES," White writes. "You have to have your kids take the leadership of offering your home and if your home was 'open' to their friends in high school, they know it will be 'open' to their friends in college."

As a bonus tip, White pleas with parents not to worry about the mess having friends over makes. "I love a clean house and organization, BUT I would much rather have a crazy messy house for the kids where memories are made than a quiet house with nothing going on just to keep my house 'clean.'"

White writes, "It's worth being 'the house', so let go of control & get to know your kids friends." Commenters agreed.

White's video went viral to the tune of 8.5 million views and hundreds of comments. Parents shared their own experiences of what it's like being the default hang out house.

"Our house was the high school hangout for my son and friends... every weekend... I loved it!! Miss it now that they are all college graduates and have moved away. I love seeing them when they do come home for the holidays"

"A wise man once said don't be the house with the alcohol. Be the house with the food."


Teenagers will ravage your kitchenMichael Richards Eating GIFGiphy

"Amy 1000% agree!!! My house is full of teenagers on the weekends and I love every bit of it. Even though I wake up to a kitchen that looked much different from when I left it"

"we never allowed alcohol, drugs, bad language, always respectful, and guess what, our house was always the house where the kids hung out. First my daughter, then my son. Through grade school, high school, then when my kids went out of state for college their college friends would come spend a couple weeks during the summer. I always thought of it this way, I loved knowing my kids friends and, who knows, maybe some of those kids, especially during the younger years, just maybe those kids just needed an adult to care. Anyway, it was always fun to have them here!"

"It used to crack me up when my daughter would bring over a bunch of her friends (girls and boys) in high school and instead of hanging out in the family room they all wanted to crowd into either the kitchen with me or our tiny office and happily share all the gossip with me."

Experts say that knowing your kids' friends, and their parents, can have huge benefits. Not only will it bring you the peace of mind of knowing where your kid is and who they're with when they get to those crucial high school years, it has been shown to tangibly improve kids ability to create positive relationships and problem-solve collaboratively. Plus, it can actually be really fun! Kids and teens are the funniest, silliest, most interesting people on the planet. Having a house full of them is messy and loud, but it's always a good time.

Just "Don’t feel bad if your house isn’t the chosen house," one commenter reminds us. "Just be happy your kid has a good group of friends and be thankful they have somewhere safe to hang out."

This article originally appeared in February

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