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My children have never been punished for their behavior and they're still good kids

No, the kids aren't running amuck and in charge of my home.

parenting; motherhood; fatherhood; consequences; punishment

My children have never been punished and here's why.

Childrearing is always a touchy topic, and with the rise of newer parenting techniques like gentle parenting and free-range parenting, people get passionate about their techniques. To be fair, parenting is a very personal journey and every parent out there will parent differently than the next. In fact, even within the same household, each child is parented differently when they have the same exact parents.

This is because as parents we are constantly learning what works and what doesn't. We're also learning that each child has a different personality and needs a different approach. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, but there are some evidence-based practices that have been proven to work well as a guide for your personal style.

When I first started having children a little over 20 years ago, my family had a lot of opinions about my parenting style because there was no "punishment" for unwanted behaviors. It seemed like a foreign concept back then, and it still feels foreign now to some people. But the truth is, my children have never experienced punishment at my hand.


When my children were younger, I had grown accustomed to defending the way I parented them, and while it was a source of frustration, it didn't change the way I approached the task. I had an advantage that not every parent has when raising children–I was in college for my bachelor's degree in child development and family relations when I was raising my first child, and I graduated when my second was six months old. I essentially had an inside scoop on how kids' brains worked and the best approach to interact with them.

This is the reason I steered away from punishment and focused instead on natural and logical consequences. I view punishment as something unrelated to the behavior. Sometimes the punishment can be a child being grounded because they failed a test, or time-out for swearing. Obviously, there are more severe punishments as well, like corporal punishment or the newer trend of public humiliation via social media. (For instance, recently a mom posted a video to TikTok showing her running over her young child's television because he was misbehaving in school.)

boy in gray long sleeve shirt pouring sauce in pan

My children have never been punished and here's why

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

Natural consequences always happen on their own without much parental intervention, while logical consequences are typically enforced by the parent. Natural consequences are usually predictable, and as long as your kid is in no immediate danger, then it's usually safe to let them play out.

Here's an example: When my daughter was 4 or 5 years old, she was playing outside with some friends and had taken her shoes off in front of our backyard swing set and left them there. This was a Saturday and she had P.E. on Tuesday. I gave her multiple reminders to pick up her shoes along with the warning that her shoes would be gross if she left them outside.

She continued to live her best life going to dance, school and having playdates all while she ignored my advice to pick up her shoes. When P.E. day rolled around, she happily ran outside to grab her tennis shoes and promptly screamed and ran back into the house. Her shoes were filled with slugs and spider webs, so she was unable to wear them to school and had to go in jelly shoes. This was a natural consequence for the action and not a punishment.

But what is a logical consequence? I've got an example of that too, and yes, these are all real things that have taken place, though this one isn't nearly as dramatic. My youngest is supposed to be in bed by 8 PM and lights out by 8:30 every evening, but he likes to get really silly before bedtime and wants to find ways to play more before going to bed. We inform him that all of the extra play is taking away from his television time in his room because no matter what, the television goes off at 8:30. If he wastes his "TV time," it's upsetting, but it's not a punishment.

I have found that allowing for natural and logical consequences has given my children the ability to think critically for themselves in difficult situations. One of my four kids is now an adult and two of them are teens, and they information seek through me or Google when making certain decisions for themselves. I've never shielded them from safe natural and logical consequences even when they were painful to watch, like failing a grade or gossiping behind a good friend's back.

Have I made mistakes as a parent? Absolutely. I'm not perfect and neither are my children, but from an early age, they saw me as someone to help guide them as they made their own choices. This aided them in achieving confidence in their decision-making abilities.

Every parenting style isn't for every parent or every child. This is what has worked for me, but people should do what works best for their families to raise well-rounded and kind future adults.

Health

4 simple hacks to help you meet your healthy eating goals

Trying to eat healthier? Try these 4 totally doable tricks.

Photo by Anna Pelzer on Unsplash

Most of us want to eat healthier but need some help to make it happen.

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When it comes to choosing what to eat, we live in a uniquely challenging era. Never before have humans known more about nutrition and how to eat for optimal health, and yet we’ve never been more surrounded by distractions and temptations that derail us from making healthy choices.

Some people might be able to decide “I’m going to eat healthier!” and do so without any problem, but those folks are unicorns. Most of us know what we should do, but need a little help making it happen—like some simple hacks, tips and tricks for avoiding pitfalls on the road to healthier eating.

While recognizing that what works for one person may not work for another, here are some helpful habits and approaches that might help you move closer to your healthy eating goals.

man pulling chip out of a chip bagOur mouths loves chips. Our bodies not so much.Photo by Bermix Studio on Unsplash

Goal: Snack on less junk food

Tip: Focus your willpower on the grocery store, not your home

Willpower is a limited commodity for most of us, and it is no match for a bag of potato chips sitting on top of the fridge. It’s just a fact. Channeling your willpower at the grocery store can save you from having to fight that battle at home. If you don’t bring chips into your house in the first place, you’ll find it a lot easier to reach for something healthier.

The key to successful shopping trips is to always go to the store with a specific list and a full stomach—you’ll feel much less tempted to buy the junky snack foods if you’re already satiated. Also, finding healthier alternatives that will still satisfy your cravings for salty or crunchy, or fatty foods helps. Sugar snap peas have a surprisingly satisfying crunch, apples and nut butter hit that sweet-and-salty craving, etc.

slice of cakeYou can eat well without giving up sweets completely.Photo by Caitlyn de Wild on Unsplash

Goal: Eat less sugar

Tip: Instead of “deprive,” think “delay” or “decrease and delight”

Sugar is a tricky one. Some people find it easier to cut out added sugars altogether, but that can create an all-or-nothing mindset that all too often results in “all.” Eating more whole foods and less processed foods can help us cut out a lot of ancillary sugar, but we still live in a world with birthday cakes and dessert courses.

One approach to dessert temptation is to delay instead of deprive. Tell yourself you can have any sweet you want…tomorrow. This mental trick flips the “I’ll just indulge today and start eating healthier tomorrow” idea on its head. It’s a lot easier to resist something you know you can have tomorrow than to say no to something you think you’ll never get to have again.

Another approach when you really want to enjoy a dessert at that moment is to decrease the amount and really truly savor it. Eat each bite slowly, delighting in the full taste and satisfaction of it. As soon as that delight starts to diminish, even a little, stop eating. You’ve gotten what you wanted out of it. You don’t have to finish it. (After all, you can always have more tomorrow!)

colorful fresh food on a plateA naturally colorful meal is a healthy meal.Photo by Anna Pelzer on Unsplash

Goal: Eat healthier meals

Tip: Focus on fresh foods and plan meals ahead of time

Meal planning is easier than ever before. The internet is filled with countless tools—everything from recipes to shopping lists to meal planning apps—and it’s as awesome as it is overwhelming.

Planning ahead takes the guesswork and decision fatigue out of cooking, preventing the inevitable “Let’s just order a pizza.” You can have a repeating 3-week or 4-week menu of your favorite meals so you never have to think about what you’re going to eat, or you can meal plan once a week to try new recipes and keep things fresh.

It might help to designate one day a week to “shop and chop”—getting and prepping the ingredients for the week’s meals so they’re ready to go in your fridge or freezer.

woman holding blueberries in her handsOrganic foods are better for the Earth and for us.Photo by andrew welch on Unsplash

Goal: Eat more organic/humanely raised food

Tip: Utilize the “dirty dozen” and “clean 15” lists to prioritize

Many people choose organic because they want to avoid pesticides and other potentially harmful chemicals. Organic food is also better for the planet, and according to the Mayo Clinic, studies have shown that organic produce is higher in certain nutrients.

Most people don’t buy everything organic, but there are some foods that should take priority over others. Each year, researchers from the Environmental Working Group (EWG) analyze thousands of samples of dozens of fruits and vegetables. From this data, they create a list of the “Dirty Dozen” and “Clean 15” fruits and vegetables, indicating what produce has the most and least pesticide residue. These lists give people a good place to start focusing their transition to more organic foods.

To make organic eating even simpler, you can shop O Organics® at your local Albertsons or Safeway stores. The O Organics brand offers a wide range of affordable USDA-certified organic products in every aisle. If you’re focusing on fresh foods, O Organics produce is always grown without synthetic pesticides, is farmed to conserve biodiversity, and is always non-GMO. All animal-based O Organics products are certified humane as well. Even switching part of your grocery list to organic can make a positive impact on the planet and the people you feed.

Healthy eating habits don’t have to be all or nothing, and they don’t have to be complicated. A few simple mindset changes at home and habit changes at the grocery store can make a big difference.

Around 1 a.m. on April 24, semi-truck drivers in the Oak Park area of Michigan received a distress call from area police: An unidentified man was standing on the edge of a local bridge, apparently ready to jump onto the freeway below.

Those drivers then did something amazing. They raced to the scene to help — and lined up their trucks under the bridge, providing a relatively safe landing space should the man jump.

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All images provided by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

Collins after being selected by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

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A changemaker is anyone who takes creative action to solve an ongoing problem—be it in one’s own community or throughout the world.

And when it comes to creating positive change, enthusiasm and a fresh perspective can hold just as much power as years of experience. That’s why, every year, Prudential Emerging Visionaries celebrates young people for their innovative solutions to financial and societal challenges in their communities.

This national program awards 25 young leaders (ages 14-18) up to $15,000 to devote to their passion projects. Additionally, winners receive a trip to Prudential’s headquarters in Newark, New Jersey, where they receive coaching, skills development, and networking opportunities with mentors to help take their innovative solutions to the next level.

For 18-year-old Sydnie Collins, one of the 2023 winners, this meant being able to take her podcast, “Perfect Timing,” to the next level.

Since 2020, the Maryland-based teen has provided a safe platform that promotes youth positivity by giving young people the space to celebrate their achievements and combat mental health stigmas. The idea came during the height of Covid-19, when Collins recalled social media “becoming a dark space flooded with news,” which greatly affected her own anxiety and depression.

Knowing that she couldn’t be the only one feeling this way, “Perfect Timing” seemed like a valuable way to give back to her community. Over the course of 109 episodes, Collins has interviewed a wide range of guests—from other young influencers to celebrities, from innovators to nonprofit leaders—all to remind Gen Z that “their dreams are tangible.”

That mission statement has since evolved beyond creating inspiring content and has expanded to hosting events and speaking publicly at summits and workshops. One of Collins’ favorite moments so far has been raising $7,000 to take 200 underserved girls to see “The Little Mermaid” on its opening weekend, to “let them know they are enough” and that there’s an “older sister” in their corner.

Of course, as with most new projects, funding for “Perfect Timing” has come entirely out of Collins’ pocket. Thankfully, the funding she earned from being selected as a Prudential Emerging Visionary is going toward upgraded recording equipment, the support of expert producers, and skill-building classes to help her become a better host and public speaker. She’ll even be able to lease an office space that allows for a live audience.

Plus, after meeting with the 24 other Prudential Emerging Visionaries and her Prudential employee coach, who is helping her develop specific action steps to connect with her target audience, Collins has more confidence in a “grander path” for her work.

“I learned that my network could extend to multiple spaces beyond my realm of podcasting and journalism when industry leaders are willing to share their expertise, time, and financial support,” she told Upworthy. “It only takes one person to change, and two people to expand that change.”

Prudential Emerging Visionaries is currently seeking applicants for 2024. Winners may receive up to $15,000 in awards and an all-expenses-paid trip to Prudential’s headquarters with a parent or guardian, as well as ongoing coaching and skills development to grow their projects.

If you or someone you know between the ages of 14 -18 not only displays a bold vision for the future but is taking action to bring that vision to life, click here to learn more. Applications are due by Nov. 2, 2023.

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via UNSW

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Man teaches disability awareness by using sign language to communicate with deaf pitbull

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Chris Hannah and Cole entertain a group of kids.

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Chris, with the help of his deaf nephew, taught the dog sign language, and they began doing presentations in schools, teaching kids that it’s okay to be different and helping them to be courageous and kind. They also help them reflect on their feelings of “brokenness” to learn self-acceptance and compassion. In their performances, Chris and Cole demonstrate that disabilities are a superpower by showing that a dog can learn sign language.

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With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Men and the feels.


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