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Family

Dr. Gabor Maté explains his 'no two children have the same parents' philosophy

'No two kids are raised in the same family.'

dr. gabor mate siblings family parenting
Photo by Ioann-Mark Kuznietsov on Unsplash

Dr. Gabor Maté explains why siblings in the same family can turn out so differently.

The nature versus nurture question has intrigued humans for as long as we've been philosophizing about our existence. What makes us who we are? How much of our personality and tendencies are a product of our genetics and how much of it is due to our upbringing?

Anyone who has raised more than one child can attest to the fact that children are not simply blank slates—each has their own innate personality. And anyone who has seen siblings from the same parents and the same household knows that kids can come from the same environment and turn out totally differently.

Some may look at how differently siblings turn out and assume that those difference are all due to nature, but as child development expert Dr. Gabor Maté points out, it's not just personality that makes a difference.

"No two kids are raised in the same family," he told Dahlia Kurtz, host of the "Live and Help Live" podcast. "No two children have the same parents."

Maté asked Kurtz if she had siblings, and she told him she had younger and older siblings. "You weren't raised in the same family," he told her, pointing out that she'd never had the experience of being the oldest child. She was the middle child, which he said could be quite difficult as middle children don't have the respect and authority of an oldest child or the cuteness and lovability of the youngest.

"Not only that, but when your parents had you and when they had your younger siblings, perhaps, they might have been at a different stage in their own personal development, or in a different stage of their relationship, or a different economic position," he said.

"Even more importantly, temperamentally every child is different and that means they evoke a different part of the parent," he added. "So even if a parent loves their kids equally—which I'm not questioning—they will not respond to the child in the same way. The child will not evoke the same responses from the parent, one child or the other. So no children have the same two parents."

Watch:

@dahliakurtz

How could your sibling be raised the same but turn out so differently? Maybe even a narcissist? Dr. Gabor Mate has the facsinating answer. You’ll never see yor sibling the same…For the full conversation, check out rhe link in bio. #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #depressed #happy #gabormate #drgabormate #siblings #narcissism #parents #recoverty #trauma #help #healing #dahlia #bpd #anxiety #family #familygoals #siblingcheck #siblinggoals

He's right, of course. Not only are children unique, ever-changing individuals, but parents are too. The dynamics and circumstances of family life is always shifting, even in the most stable of families. One child might come along during a job layoff or a major, cross-country move. One child's formative years might hit just when their parents are hitting a rough patch in their marriage and another's might hit right when they're benefiting from counseling.

Speaking from experience, you couldn't parent each child exactly the same way even if you wanted to. First of all, different children respond differently to different things. One child might crumble under a stern look while another lets a parent's anger roll right off their back. One child might be a verbal processor who needs to talk through their feelings while another might need to express themselves physically or creatively in order to work out what's bothering them. Parenting children means parenting according to who each child is and what their unique needs and tendencies are. Trying to make it a uniform, perfectly "equal" endeavor is simply an exercise in frustration.

Maté is also right that different kids bring out different parts of us. Human relationships are complex, and trying to nail down parenting to one particular set of rules or one specific approach simply isn't realistic. You have to parent the child in front of you as whoever you are at the time, and both of those things is going to shift and change over time as you both learn and grow. It's what humans do.

And let's be real. Parenting can be exhausting, so those youngest kids really do get parents who are more relaxed and maybe a bit more lenient than the older ones, simply due to the amount of energy it takes to parent. We learn over the years what battles are worth fighting, what standards are worth upholding and which things can be tossed to the wayside without really doing any damage. Parenting is an ongoing learning process, so of course children who are years apart in age will have different parents in many ways, even if their parents are the same two people.

Dr. Maté just boils it down so beautifully and succinctly. "No two children are raised in the same family," and "No two children have the same parents." Wise words to take to heart whether you're a parent of more than one child or you have siblings yourself.

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Democracy

Here’s a paycheck for a McDonald’s employee. And here's my jaw hitting the ground.

The federal minimum wage is still less than this.

via JustFrugalMe/YouTube

How can anyone get by on this?

I've written extensively about minimum wage, supported by fact-checkers, economists, and scholarly studies. All of them support raising the minimum wage as a solution to lifting people out of poverty and getting them off public assistance. It's slowly happening, and there's much more to be done.

But when it comes right down to it, where the rubber meets the road is what it means for everyday workers who have to live with those wages. I honestly don't know how they do it. Ask yourself: Could I live on this small of an hourly wage? I know what my answer is.

(And note that the minimum wage in many parts of the county is STILL $7.25, so it could be even less than this).

paychecks, McDonalds, corporate power, broken systemOne year of work at McDonalds grossed this worker $13,811.18.via JustFrugalMe/YouTube

The YouTube channel Just Frugal Me discussed the viral paycheck and noted there's absolutely nothing wrong with working at McDonald's. More than 2 million people in the U.S. alone work for the fast food giant. The worker's paycheck shows they put in 72 hours over the pay period, making $8.75 per hour. Before taxes, that's $631 for the week. Just Frugal Me's breakdown is even more eye-opening, breaking down this person's pay after taxes and weighing across average rent and utility costs. Spoiler Alert: the total costs for basic necessities far outweigh what this person is making even while working 12 hours per day. But they do make too much to qualify for Medicaid, meaning they will have to go out and buy their own health insurance.

mcdonald's, minimum wage, restaurants, fast food, burgers, big macA photo of a McDonald's in Hartford, CT. via Mike Mozart/Flickr

Even in states like California, where the state's $20 minimum wage ensures that people earn nearly three times as much as the federal minimum wage, which remains as low as when this paycheck first made the rounds nearly 10 years ago.

Still, even for a worker that maxed out at 40 hours per week and took zero vacation or sick time, that's only a little over $41,000 per year. That's barely half the median wage in the state of $78,000 and far below a sustainable living wage in cities like Los Angeles.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The U.S. federal minimum wage is just $7.25 and hasn't been raised since 2009. In April 2025, the Raise the Wage Act of 2025 was introduced in the House of Representatives and U.S. Senate. The bill would increase the federal minimum wage to $17 an hour by 2030 and eliminate the subminimum wage for tipped workers and those with disabilities. But supporters should be cautious that it's unlikely to pass the Republican-controlled Congress.

If the Wage Act of 2025 were to pass, over $22 million workers would get a raise, which is 15% of the U.S. workforce. It would raise $70 billion for low-wage Americans, an increase of $3,200 per worker.

“No person working full-time in America should be living in poverty," Virginia Congressman Bobby Scott said in a statement. "The Raise the Wage Act will increase the pay and standard of living for nearly 22 million workers across this country. Raising the minimum wage is good for workers, good for business, and good for the economy. When we put money in the pockets of American workers, they will spend that money in their communities,”

This story originally appeared ten years ago. It has been updated to reflect new information.

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Fatherhood

Daughter of Clemon's president 'sacks' him during graduation ceremony. And it was perfect.

"Apparently I need to get back in the gym and start lifting weights more!"

TODAY/Youtube

Clemson University president Jim Clements receives hug of a lifetime from daughter Grace at graduation.

College graduation is a milestone moment for graduates and parents alike. For Clemson University president Jim Clements and his daughter Grace, it was an experience that they will remember for a lifetime thanks to a genuine moment of joy shared on the graduation stage.

President Clements got to present Grace with her diploma during the ClemsonLIFE graduation ceremony on May 8, 2025. ClemsonLIFE is a program for students with intellectual disabilities that counts Tanner Smith from Netflix'sLove on the Spectrum as an alum.

After Grace's name was called during the ceremony, she joyfully ran and jumped into her father's arms–sacking him to the ground as smiles and cheers went up from the crowd. "ClemsonLIFE teaches independence, job skills…and apparently, how to sack a university president. #DadDown #BestGraduationEver #AmazingGrace," President Clements captioned the video.

On the ground, Clements smiles and helps Grace up as they embrace. The two quickly recover and stand up, and Clements gives Grace a kiss on the forehead and turns her toward the crowd to take in the applause. He then gives her a big bear hug and pats her on the back before she continues to walk the stage.

During the commencement speech, President Clements said, "Grace, I'm so incredibly proud of you and all the other ClemsonLIFE graduates. And apparently I need to get back in the gym and start lifting weights more!"

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

In an interview with TODAY, President Clements shared, "It was pure joy, total and complete happiness, to see this girl, our beautiful daughter, run across the stage and literally leap into my arms. It was magical."

However, Grace quipped during the interview, "You missed me!" President Clements replied while laughing, "I did miss you, I missed you, but then when we fell, we helped each other up. And I wanted to turn her to the audience and let everyone see how beautiful and amazing she is. Then, I wanted to give her a big huge hug to let her know how much I love her,."

In another touching Instagram post, he shared, "Amazing Grace walked the stage and I hit the turf! And I wouldn’t change a thing. Watching all that Grace has accomplished during her time with ClemsonLIFE is one of the greatest joys of my life. I can’t wait to see what she achieves next."

The emotional video and photos from the graduation ceremony captured hearts and made tears flow for viewers.

"This is why I love my school. This was a daddy/daughter moment not her and the president. Such a sweet moment. I love how he went with it and how proud he is! 🧡💜," one wrote.

"Such a genuine moment!! Love everything about this and all the work that Clemson Life does!! Amazing!! 💜🧡" said another.

And one touched viewer shared, "Is there a limit on how many times you can watch a video?! This is the most amazing Grace/Daddy (aka Pres Clements) moment I’ve ever seen! It will go down in Clemson history. Congratulations, Grace! God bless you, Mom and Dad! God is good. 😭🧡💜"

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Art

In 125 years, millions of people have looked at this painting. No one really saw it until recently.

Van Gogh saw something it took scientists another 100 years to see.

Image from Wikimedia Commons.

Van Gogh's Starry Night, 1889.

Vincent van Gogh never got to enjoy his own historic success as an artist (even though we've been able to imagine what that moment might have looked like). Van Gogh died in 1890 at the age of 37 in Auvers-sur-Oise, France after shooting himself in the chest with a revolver. It was a tragic end to a turbulent life marked by mental instability and severe self-doubt.

According to the Van Gogh Museum, in a letter to his brother Theo in 1890, just a couple of weeks before his death, Van Gogh wrote, "...my life, is attacked at the very root, my step also is faltering." The man was struggling and exhausted. The high standards he had set for himself and his art were taking a toll. He was unsure about his future and, up to this point, had not received much recognition for his work and thought himself a failure "as a man and as an artist."

His most well-known work, Starry Night, was famously painted while Van Gogh was staying in an asylum in France 1889 after he mutilated his ear during a psychotic episode. According to the Van Gogh Museum, though, this may not be the full story. While it is widely agreed that Van Gogh did in fact cut off his own ear, the museum notes that it was because of a fight between Van Gogh and Paul Gaugin, the artist he had been working for in Aries, that led to the violent explosion that highlighted his deteriorating mental state.

Vincent Van Gogh, artist, 19th century, famous artist, Starry NightVincent Van Gogh's Self-Portrait, 1889Image via Canva.

As one of the best known and most studied artists of the 19th century, Van Gogh's madness and how it influenced his work is not new information. But it turns out that those of us who have appreciated his work have been missing out on some critical details for more than 100 years—revealed in the 2010s thanks to the Hubble Space Telescope.

A video at the bottom of the page will explain everything, but before we get there, let's do some backstory:

We known Van Gogh was an artist—and a genius artist at that—but, it turns out, he was also scientist. Kind of.

Whether intentionally or not, fresh eyes have found that Van Gogh's art—aside from being breathtaking—also captures one of science and nature's most elusive concepts: Turbulence.

The concept of turbulence is hard to understand with math, but it turns out art makes it fairly easy to comprehend through depiction. So, what is turbulence?

According to Britannica, turbulence, or turbulent flow, is a concept of fluid dynamics in which a type of fluid flow (liquid or gas like air or water or air) undergoes an irregular fluctuation or energy cascade. In other words, the air or water swirls and eddies as it moves: big eddies make smaller eddies, and those make even smaller ones, and so on. Common examples of turbulent flow include blood flow in arteries, lava flow, atmosphere and ocean currents, and the flow in boat wakes or surrounding the tips of aircraft wings.

It looks like this:

figures, flow, turbulence, turbulent flow, science, movementTurbulent flow illustrated and animated.All Van Gogh GIFs via TED-Ed.

The thing is, scientists only started figuring this out pretty recently.

turbulence, turbulent flow, science, nature, researchAnimation of art referencing science.All Van Gogh GIFs via TED-Ed.

And yet, there was Mr. Vincent van Gogh, 100 years earlier in his asylum with a mutilated ear and able to accurately capture this turbulent flow in what would become his most famous work, Starry Night.

Starry Night, Van Gogh, turbulence, art, art captures scienceAnimated Starry NightAll Van Gogh GIFs via TED-Ed.

The folks who noticed Van Gogh's ability to capture turbulence checked to see whether other artists did the same. Most of the Impressionists achieved "luminance" with their art—a striking and lifelike depiction of light's effect on color. While impressive, they did not capture or depict turbulence the way Van Gogh did.

The Scream, Edvard Munch, art, popular art, history, painting An animated depiction of The Scream.All Van Gogh GIFs via TED-Ed.

Not even Edvard Munch's The Scream, with it's swirling color and movement, could recreate what Van Gogh had accomplished.

Even in his darkest time, Van Gogh was able to capture—with eerie accuracy—one of nature's most complex and confusing concepts 100 years before scientists had the technology to do so.

Who would have thought that the beauty Van Gogh captured was foreshadowing what scientists would observe in the real, natural world in a century's time? To learn even more, watch the TED-Ed video below:

- YouTubeyoutu.be

This article originally appeared twelve years ago. It has been updated.

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Education

Frugal people share 15 silly money-saving tips guaranteed to save you a few bucks

Simple changes can really bring down your electric bill.

via Unsplash

Hand holding an unplugged electric cord and hand holding rolled up money.

Most adults periodically examine their lives to try to figure out where they can save money. It might be cutting one of the streaming services we're not using or dialing back the Starbucks PSLs. However, the people on the subreddit r/frugal take saving money to a whole new level.

A recent thread posted by u/Jskyesthelimit was chock-full of solid gold advice for anyone looking to trim the budget but who doesn't want to put in a lot of work. (Yeah, yeah — we all know meal-prepping is effective, but who's got the time? We're looking for easy wins, here.)

The prompt, "What's the little effortless, stupid thing you do that TECHNICALLY saves you money?", got some responses and tips you've probably never thought of.

They're small, they're silly — but they do add up.

1. Spend more time outside

"if i go outside and play all day, i don't have consumerist urges to buy stupid shit." - looney417

Can't spend money if you don't go into a store!

It's a good idea to get away from your phone or laptop for a while, too. If you're not careful, you can buy a hundred dollars worth of junk on Amazon before you even realize what's happening.

2. Time your dishwasher runs

"When our dishwasher is full and ready to be started, I set an alarm on my watch for 9pm. I start the dishwasher when the alarm goes off since the electricity rate goes down after 9pm." - misterfuss

dishes, dishwasher, clean dishes, unload dish, money hacks, kitchen hacksA half loaded dishwashervia Nathan Dumloa/Unsplash

Did you know that electricity costs more during "peak hours"? Where I live, power can cost up to 4x as much from 2-7pm versus off-peak hours.

Most people run the dishwasher at night anyway, but you should look up your own local peak hours. Starting the nightly load at 9 instead of 8 every night could actually save you a couple of bucks a month.

I like that you can program a Google Nest to do this for you. It knows how expensive electricity is at different times, and will manage your supercooling for you.3. Fill a large water bottle at work before you leave.

u/MrPerfectionisback swears by this one.

Getting a gigantic, high-quality water bottle could be a great investment if you're able to top it off at the office every day and bring your water bill down a smidge.

4. Use less laundry detergent

Most of us approach laundry detergent with a "fill 'er up" attitude. But, usually, you can get away with even just one tablespoon if your clothes aren't that dirty. and using less will help your clothes last longer.

u/jbblue48089 also recommends using solid bar shampoo and dish soap, which have a longer lifespan than liquid soaps.

5. Re-wear clothes (other than socks and underwear)

Another option from u/ztreHdrahciR — don't wash your clothes at all! At least not right away.

Chances are you can get a few wears out of jeans or even t-shirts and save on laundry costs, to the tune of a few dollars per year.

6. Make your own doggie poo bags

"Use used food bags to pick up the dogs poop." - bezere

Poop bags are expensive! You could easily spend $20-50 per year, depending on what brand you use.

Next time you pack a sandwich for lunch, save that plastic baggie and use it for pick-up duty later on.

7. Charge your phone at work (or wherever there's an outlet)

A good one from u/runmemymo.

Never pass up a chance for free electric!

If you don't work in an office, just carry your phone charger with you. Lots of restaurants and even public spaces have outlets so you can get a little free juice.

8. Poo at work (or wherever there's a bathroom)

u/larkfor says they save a ton of money each year on water and toilet paper by doing their business at work or the office.

Never pass up a chance for free water and toilet paper!

9. Cut sponges in half


sponge, cleaning, money hacks, house keeping, soap, domestic laborA yellow soapy sponge.via Pille R. Priske/Unsplash

u/plaincheeseburger recommends turning one sponge into two.

It will still work exactly the same and last twice as long.

10. Repair old dog toys

I love this one from u/pdxarchitecht!

My dogs love immediately ripping the stuffing out of new toys, which doesn't feel like a great value for my money.

The hack? Put the stuffing back in and add a stitch or two to close it up and save yourself $10 or more.

11. Twist the stems off of peppers if paying by weight

This ingenious and petty tip comes from u/casterix75.

Not all supermarkets charge by weight for bell peppers (or similar produce), but if they do, why pay for the stem? Twist it off and save yourself a few cents at the checkout.

12. Save the cold water when running a shower or bath

An old science teacher taught me this one in high school, recommended in this thread by u/smartquokka.

Put a bucket in the shower or bath to collect the cold water while it's heating up. Use that to water plants, fill the dog bowls, or flush the toilet.

13. Unplug everything at night

via Canva/Photos


Many people recommended this — it's an r/frugal staple.

Appliances on standby still use power, so unplug as many things as possible before going to bed. u/Larkfor estimates this saves them $10 a month or so on power.

14. Library card

Yes. And take advantage of audiobooks, ebooks, and even streaming. My library has many great movies, shows, and lecture series (I love The Great Courses).

15. Credit card points

[I] Use my CC that gets rewards points for all purchases and bills that I can.

My entire family is going in a trip in a few months, and we booked all our flights together, 4.5k of airfare. I very generously offered to put all the airfare on my (2% cash back) card. My entire family paid me back their portion that week, and now I get the $90 in cash back!

These tips are so small they're almost microscopic, but you know what? Most of them are so easy you'd barely notice a difference in your lifestyle and routine. And all together, you could save yourself a decent chunk of money every year by making a few simple changes.

Thanks to the thrifty people of Reddit for sharing their hacks with the rest of us!

This article originally appeared last year.

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Planet

45 years ago, Carl Sagan beautifully explained the fourth dimension with just an apple

Sagan was the Mister Rogers of complex scientific concepts.

via Carl Sagan Planetary Society/Wikimedia Commons and John Finkelstein/Pexels

Carl Sagan used a sliced apple to perfectly explain the fourth dimension.

The concept of the fourth dimension seems beyond human comprehension. As three-dimensional beings, we are unable to see beyond a physical object's height, width and depth. What else could there be? Even if you understand the concept, it is almost impossible to picture it in your mind, which is bound by the limits and realities of the physical world around us.

Enter Carl Sagan, revered as one of the greatest science communicators of his time. Perhaps best known for his research into extraterrestrial life, he was one of the first people to demonstrate that life could have existed on Mars. Sagan possessed a unique gift for demystifying complex scientific concepts, making them accessible and thrilling for the general public. If you never had the pleasure of watching him on television, you could imagine him as something of a Scientific Mister Rogers. Friendly, a wonderful storyteller, and always able to distill difficult lessons into their simplest form.

In 1980, on Episode 10 of the groundbreaking PBS show “Cosmos,” Sagan embarked on a mission to explain the seemingly impossible fourth dimension.


carl sagan, cosmos ,4th dimension, 3-D, 4-D, 2-D, physics, theoretical physics, math, science, space, spacetime, einsteinA great communicator and handsome, to boot.Giphy

Many of us have commonly heard of time being considered the fourth dimension. That's not so hard to understand — in order to locate an object in the universe, you'd need to know three dimensions of its spatial location and also the time during which it exists.

But there is also a more theoretical and harder to understand place, where all four dimensions are spatial. It is nearly impossible for any of us to comprehend... without the help of a gifted teacher.

What’s excellent about Sagan’s explanation is that he uses simple and relatable objects: an apple and a Tesseract, or a hypercube.

carl sagan, cosmos ,4th dimension, 3-D, 4-D, 2-D, physics, theoretical physics, math, science, space, spacetime, einsteinSagan explains that if an apple existed in a 2-dimensional space, anyone living in this "flatland" would only see a cross-section of it at a time.Giphy

"In discussing the large scale structure of the cosmos, astronomers sometimes say that space is curved. Or that the universe is finite but unbound," Sagan begins. "Whatever are they talking about?"

Yeah, this guy gets it.

Sagan then goes on to explain how a two-dimensional being living in a flat world would perceive a three-dimensional object like an apple.

Watch his full explanation here. It's hypnotic and entertaining and incredibly enlightening.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com


“Imagine we live in this ‘Fllatland’/2-D plane with no concept of ‘up’ or ‘down.’ Then along comes a 3-D object like an apple. We do not even notice it until it crosses our plane of existence — and even then, we have no idea what the apple is,” Sagan explains. “We see only a fragment as it passes through our plane. There is no way we can comprehend the 3-D quality/dimension of the apple, because it is more than we can understand. We only have the evidence of what has passed through our plane.”

To further demonstrate, Sagan stamps the apple into an inkpad and then onto the surface in front of him, which represents Flatland and all of its inhabitants. Inside Flatland, the apple exists only as its points of contact on the paper; or four small dots. He adds that as the apple passes through the 2-dimensional Flatland, its cross-section changes. So someone living in that plane of existence would experience the apple as an ever-shifting and rearranging set of shapes or objects. Wild!

Sagan then related this two-dimensional experience of the third dimension to how we might try to understand the fourth. To do so, he used the Tesseract, a four-dimensional cube, to demonstrate how difficult it is for us to perceive or visualize dimensions beyond our own three.

carl sagan, cosmos ,4th dimension, 3-D, 4-D, 2-D, physics, theoretical physics, math, science, space, spacetime, einsteinA tesseract can not exist in 3-dimensional space, but it can be approximated the same way a cube can be drawn on paper.Giphy

Sagan explains that the tesseract is a cube expanded into a 4th dimension, but "I cannot show you a tesseract because I, and you, are trapped in three dimensions." But what he can do is show us a 3-dimensional rendering of one. Just like a cube can be drawn and approximated (or cast a shadow) onto a piece of paper, a 4-dimensional tesseract can be imperfectly represented in 3-dimensional space. Still following?

At this point, Sagan is asking the viewer to expand their minds to understand the fourth dimension metaphorically. Though we cannot see it or even properly visualize it, that doesn't mean that the things we can see can't offer clues and lessons about the fourth dimension.

Studying 4-dimensional space can help in our understanding of the universe around us. Just because we see and experience only three dimensions doesn't mean that's all that exists. It's critical for physicists and mathematicians to be able to understand and map these theoretical spaces to better comprehend things we otherwise can not explain. Remember the ever-changing, rearranging set of shapes as the apple passes through Flatland?

Sagan’s demonstration of the fourth dimension isn’t just a wonderful explanation of a scientific idea that many of us find difficult to comprehend; it’s also a great example of how to teach complex ideas by combining clear explanations, everyday concepts everyone can understand, and brilliant storytelling.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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