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How do you end a conversation when someone won't stop talking? 17 people share their tricks.

Some people just can’t take a hint.

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A woman who talks far too much.

There are people among us who have no idea that a conversation should be a balanced back-and-forth between two or more people. Instead, they monopolize the conversation, going on and on without letting anyone get a word in edgewise. What’s worse is that they often have no idea how to take a hint and miss all of the verbal and nonverbal clues that they should stop.

These situations can be incredibly frustrating because you don’t want to be rude and tell them to stop, especially if it's a coworker or someone you have to see every day. But, at the same time, they are being incredibly rude by taking up your time and they're being selfish by not allowing you to contribute to the discussion.


A Redditor on the Social Skills subforum was fed up with a coworker who wouldn’t stop talking and asked the posters for some help. “There's this person at work who will corner me in the break room and talk for 20+ minutes about random stuff,” the person wrote. “They're nice enough, but I just want to eat my lunch in peace sometimes. I've tried saying ‘Well, I should get back to work,’ but they just keep talking. What are some polite but firm ways to extract myself from these conversations?”

The posters provided numerous verbal and nonverbal cues to get out of conversations with someone who won’t stop talking. Many also reiterated the point that it’s not rude to get up and walk away from someone who won’t shut up, especially if they were being inconsiderate in the first place.


Here are 17 ways to end a conversation with someone who talks too much

1. Pause, walk away

"At the very first semi-break in the monologue (time their breathing if you have to), you say, 'It sounds like you had a really great time (or other filler appropriate to the discussion). I’d love to talk, but I’m on a tight schedule.' AND WALK AWAY WHILE YOU’RE TALKING. It’s the last part that’s crucial. Those people just will not stop."

"Just this morning I had to basically do that: 'I really must be going' with a smile and wave, standing up and walking away to a woman still talking."

2. Grab their arm

"If they don't stop talking long enough for you to say, 'Great talking with you, I gotta run,' then you put a hand on their arm and SAY IT ANYWAY. I know you say they're 'nice,' but those who take up others' time with excessive talking are not being nice. They may think they're nice, but TIME is your most valuable asset! Also, don't spend a lot of time worrying about appearing rude. (since they obviously aren't worried about that!) They are just looking for an audience, ANY audience. People like this don't take hints, and often don't take direct feedback well. They just keep doing it because it's compulsive."


3. Slap your knee and go

"At conferences and such I say something like 'lovely chatting, you’ve got my phone number let’s stay in touch, I’m going to circulate as there a few more people here I have to talk to before the event is over.' As I’m British, I can also just slap my knees and say 'right' and other people get the message."

Further explanation...

"While sitting down, literally slap your own knees (well, a little above the knees, really) so it makes a bit of a sound. When English or Australians do this, they say, "Right!" and then stand up, and everyone knows it's time to go."

- YouTube youtu.be


4. Walk 'em back

"I used to have an employee who would constantly stop working,(shipping department) wandering away to chat and gossip with everyone. Of course, it was a distraction for everyone. She would show up at my office and walk in already talking. So the minute she showed up I would stand and continue the discussion while walking her straight back to her work station. I would then remind her I have work to do and exit the conversation. I would do this multiple times a day."

5. Understand they are being rude

"The first thing to realize is that the 'monopolizing' offender is being inconsiderate (not caring about you, not thinking about you, not considering your interest level or needs) in the first place. They may be socially oblivious or more likely just so self-centered that they don't think about other people until they are forced to. That means you are perfectly justified if you have to use actions that might normally appear abrupt to protect yourself from them."

6. The 'anyway' get away

A good 'anyway' is a goofy way to break things up and move on. If they don't stop talking, you sometimes need to cut them off and move on. It may be rude, but who's wasting whose time in the situation?"

"Anyway... and get ur ass away from them."


7. Close the door

"I slowly closed the door while they kept talking. It felt like comedy lol. For me, it seemed rude, but I’m not sure that they registered what happened?"

"Don’t open the door. They are still talking."

8. Slow escalation

"These people are used to being told off. You start politely and keep escalating your 'Stop Talking' requests until they do. Each and every time. They’ll get it."

9. How to end a chatty meeting

"So one day we had this meeting with another company and that started happening, and the owner of the other company said 'good meeting!' And wow, the meeting was just over. And I realized even if I wasn’t the leader, I could do the same thing. Basically, anytime I’m in a meeting and it starts running down, I just say 'good meeting!' And the meeting is always over."

10. Try the blunt approach

"You don’t need to worry too much about being rude to them because they don’t get social cues anyway. Just say, 'No time for stories today. I need some downtime by myself.' And walk away even if they’re still talking."

"Exactly. Placating them by dodging the issue just kicks the discomfort down the road. Sure, it's blunt, but there's nothing wrong with coming right out and honestly saying 'Hey, sorry, I just want to have some quiet time.'"


11. Delay the conversation

"I had a similar coworker and honestly felt bad because I knew they were just lonely, but I also really need my lunch break to mentally reset. I just asked 'Can we catch up after work?' Then I’d sit down, pop my headphones in, or start eating. It felt weird at first, but they actually respected it once they realized it wasn’t personal, just me needing some space."

12. Play the opposite card

"'Hey, seems like you decompress by talking, but I decompress by having quiet time to myself. I don't think we're compatible to share break time.'"

13. Don't ask questions

"It is frustrating because you really can’t ask questions to this type of person. Even if you want to know something, the knowledge that their response will include a hundred more details than you needed makes me keep my mouth shut. Where is the self-awareness? Are they so eager to engage with others because they don’t understand why people tend to distance themselves from them, or because they overwhelm those who are too polite and don't know how to escape until it’s too late?"


14. The Uno reverse card

"In Ireland, we say 'well I’ll let you go, sure.'"

15. Set the conversation timer

"Before they start talking or right after, you can say you have only one minute. Around when you think it's been a minute, politely say you have to go or just walk away."

16. Compliment them, set rules

"I've dealt with this by approaching the person when they're not mid monologue, and going: 'Hey there. I really appreciate how friendly and outgoing you are, you're super genuine to talk to (clarifies it's a problem with the convos themselves, not a personal attack). I have some social anxiety, and I've noticed I have a hard time cutting into the convo around extroverts (neutral framing of core issue). I think we could figure out how to end our chats so that you don't feel like I cut you off, and I don't feel more anxious when I have to go ('we' puts y'all both on the same side to problem solve, not competing).'"

17. Act supremely disinterested

"If you're in a situation where you do not want to leave the space (ie, in the break room during a break) and they do this, that can be more difficult. In practice, for a coworker that you have to see every day and don't want to burn bridges with, your options outside of avoiding the space may be limited. you can try subtle techniques - ie, don't make eye contact or look up when they start talking at you, say hi softly/tiredly, keep saying, 'what?' repeatedly as tho you're distracted and not paying attention to what they're saying, check your phone a lot - but, some people are so oblivious/feel so entitled to your attention that it may not work."

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My Greatest Generation grandad had one rule to never run out of things to say in conversation

It's incredibly basic, but too many people forget it.

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Manners and social etiquette have changed over the years, but the classics still work.

My grandad was, simply put, the man. Fought in World War II, lived into his 90s with the strength and vigor of a much younger man, and made an unforgettable impression on everyone who knew him. He was truly a force of nature that I was lucky to have in my life.

He was also a highly quotable man, full of incredible one-liners. When I was a kid and my family would visit, and he was ready to wrap things up, he'd cheekily say "Well, we certainly have seen you," and, "Come again when you can't stay so long."

My Greatest Generation grandad also loved to entertain. Though not a man of many words, he was a legendary host. His advice to us grandkids about being a great conversationalist was always the same:


manners, etiquette, small talk, psychology, conversation, greatest generation, boomers, millennials, social anxiety Can you believe there was a time that being polite and of high-character was more important than being charismatic?Britt Ful/Flickr

"Always ask the last question."

That was it. That was his key to never running out of things to say in a conversation. It sounds extremely obvious, but you'd be surprised how counter it runs to a lot of the advice young people are getting now. In certain sectors, the name of the game is all about how to be more charming and more charismatic. "Self-help" forgets that the real key to being interesting is being interested in what the other party has to say.

What made my grandad's execution of this simple concept great was his confidence in the fact that they didn't have to be great questions. He would just keep asking them, like a steamroller. He knew that, if he kept it up, he'd eventually hit on something that would launch a deeper and more interesting discussion.

Conversations were often logistical at first: How was the drive? What time did you leave? Was there any traffic? Where'd you stop to eat? What did you order? Before you knew it, you were off and running. That was the beauty of the technique.

Asking questions, of course, is not new advice! It's been around forever, and it's still preached heavily today by psychologists and master small-talkers.

But anybody who's been in conversation with another human being lately knows that a lot of people are really bad at this and only want to hear themselves talk. The Guardian calls them "non-askers." And they're everywhere.

Harvard Business Review writes that about 70-80% of what children say is made up of questions, but that number plummets dramatically in adults. It's like we lose our inherent curiosity somewhere along the way, and we pay for it in the way we relate to, or don't, with others. You don't have to do much research to see how big of a problem this is becoming, from people lamenting horrid first dates where they can't get a word in edgewise, to an excruciating lack of self-awareness from people in the working world who just.... won't. stop. talking!

manners, etiquette, small talk, psychology, conversation, greatest generation, boomers, millennials, social anxiety Asking good questions: The original party trick.Stephen Coles/Flickr

Why is this mind-numbingly simple advice so hard to follow?

In Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, author Susan Cain writes that the idea of "having a good personality" is a pretty modern invention. She says that the Western world transformed at some point from a culture of character to a culture of personality, timed around the rise of salesmen and the corporate world. In that burgeoning culture, being charming, charismatic, and a great storyteller was crucial to your success.

We think it makes us impressive to know all the answers, have the best stories, have an anecdote or fun fact to share about every topic. In fact, appearing that way can often be the key to getting ahead at work and making more money. We want to be the one holding court at a party, making guests laugh with our raucous jokes and monologues, because we equate that image with popularity, success, and belonging.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

But it wasn't always this way. My grandad came from a time, in the old South, where good etiquette and manners were more important than being incredibly charming.

In the late 1800s, Professor Thomas E. Hill wrote in The Essential Handbook of Victorian Etiquette: "Do not aspire to be a great storyteller. An inveterate teller of long stories becomes very tiresome. To tell one or two witty, short, new stories, appropriate to the occasion, is about all that one person should inflict upon the company."

Etiquette of the era also dictated not bragging about your connections or accomplishments, and not using highfalutin words to sound smarter than you really are. Some funny ones include parents not telling too many stories about their kids (preach!) and avoiding using too many puns.

Now, my grandad didn't exactly grow up in Victorian England — more like Great Depression-era America — but you can get a sense of how our priorities have changed since 1900 to today. There were a lot of things about that time period in the United States that weren't so great, but that emphasis on making other people feel comfortable and heard in social settings, instead of advancing your own status and standing, would be a welcome return. Luckily, it's easy to do it even today. Just ask a question, literally any question, and you'll already be doing way better than most people.

They don't call them the Greatest Generation for nothing!

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Guy shares the 11 techniques that helped him completely overcome his social awkwardness

"I used to be the guy who'd avoid eye contact, give one-word answers, and somehow make every conversation die."

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Man explains how he overcame being socially award.

If you feel socially awkward, you're not alone. Many Americans report feeling it. According to a 2022 YouGov poll, one in four Americans (26%) say they're much or somewhat more awkward than other people. Social awkwardness can negatively impact social, family, and work relationships.

On Reddit, member @Everyday-Improvement opened up about how he overcame social awkwardness. "I was socially awkward for 5 years," he shared. "Used to be the guy who'd avoid eye contact, give one-word answers, and somehow make every conversation die. Small talk felt like torture. Group settings made me want to hide in the bathroom."

To help him, he sought out the Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People. He writes that he had previously read it "probably 5 times but never actually did anything with it. Just highlighted passages and felt smart for 10 minutes. Finally decided to treat it like a playbook instead of philosophy and holy sh*t, people actually started liking me."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

In his post, he decided to share the 11 techniques that he took away from the book that "changed everything" for him. He added, "People actually seek out my opinion now. Invitations to social stuff increased by like 300%. Family gatherings stopped feeling like interrogations. Also time with friends have been the best. Being genuinely interested in others is way less work than trying to be interesting yourself. When you focus on making other people feel good, they associate those positive feelings with you."

The biggest takeaway? Change is possible. "Most social skills advice tells you to 'just be yourself.' But if 'yourself' is socially awkward, that's terrible advice. Carnegie's book taught me that social skills are learnable skills, not personality traits you're born with," he noted. "Took me 5 years to figure out that people don't care how smart or funny or interesting you are. They care about how you make them feel. Once I started focusing on that, everything else fell into place."

These are 11 tips to help you become less socially awkward.

1. Names are literally magic words.
"Started using people's names way more than felt natural. 'Thanks for the coffee, Sarah' instead of just 'thanks.' 'Good point, Mike' instead of 'good point.' Felt weird at first but people light up when they hear their own name. Their whole face changes," he wrote.

thanks, thank you, name, saying name, acknowledgement Maribeth Monroe Hug GIF by CBS Giphy

2. Became genuinely curious about random stuff.
He successfully implemented this by asking follow-up questions when in conversation with others. If someone talked about hiking, he'd follow up with simple but engaged questions like, "''What's the hardest part about the trail?', 'Do you see wildlife?', or 'How do you know which gear to bring?' Turns out most topics are fascinating if you dig past surface level,'" he shared.

3. Stopped trying to be the smartest person in the room.
To do this, he explained that he stopped correcting people and one-upping people's stories. "[I] Started asking 'How did you figure that out?' or 'What made you think of that approach?' instead. People love explaining their thought process and you actually learn stuff," he wrote.

4. Let people save face when they mess up.
"Coworker made a mistake in a meeting? Instead of pointing it out, I'd say 'Maybe we should double-check the numbers' or 'I might be missing something here.' They fix the error without looking stupid. They remember who had their back," he noted.

5. Actually listened instead of waiting for my turn to talk.
He noticed that he was not actively listening to others, and was always preparing responses rather than paying attention to what others were saying. To change this, he started to ask follow-up questions when someone answered.

"Conversations became way less exhausting because I wasn't constantly having to think what to say next," he explained.

listen, listening, active listening, actively listening, listen gif Prince What GIF Giphy

6. Found common ground with literally everyone.
The key for him was to find shared experiences and not focus on differences. "Turns out the a coworker and I both hate morning meetings. The quiet intern and I both love obscure podcasts. The annoying coworker and I both struggle with work-life balance. Connection beats competition every time," he shared.

7. Became a hype man for other people's wins.
He became a cheerleader for others, highlighting their successes. "'Did you hear Sarah closed that big deal?' 'Mike's presentation was incredible, did you see it?' Takes zero effort but people remember who celebrates their success."

hype man, hype up, hyping, hype gif, celebrate Season 20 Nbc GIF by The Voice Giphy

8. Stopped arguing about stupid stuff.
Rather than adopt a combative attitude that resulted in debate, he chose to let things go. "Now when someone says something I disagree with, I either let it go or say 'I never thought about it that way' and actually consider their perspective. Relationships improved overnight," he added.

9. Started admitting when I was wrong.
Taking a humble approach when making mistakes paid off. "'You're right, I messed that up' became my new superpower," he explained. "People expect defensiveness, so honesty catches them off guard. They usually respond with understanding instead of judgment."

admit wrong, i was wrong, i stand corrected, wrong, admit Paramount Network Beth Dutton GIF by Yellowstone Giphy

10. Asked for advice instead of giving it.
A big change: he stopped telling people what they should do. "I started asking 'What do you think would work best?' or 'What's your gut telling you?' People already know their answers most of the time, they just want someone to listen," he shared.

11. Made people feel important.
Finally, making sure others felt noticed became priority. "'I really liked how you handled that difficult client' or 'Your way of explaining complex stuff makes so much sense.' Genuine appreciation, not generic compliments," he wrote.

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The world's top mentalist reveals brilliantly-simple 'trick' to remember anyone's name

You have to involve your visual memory, which is stronger and easier to access.

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The world's greatest mentalist reveals 5-second trick to never forget someone's name

The longer I'm alive, it seems the more people's names that I have to remember. With two kids in school, sports, and other activities, I find myself trying to keep track of dozens of different friends, teammates, siblings, coaches, teachers, and of course, parents. It makes my brain hurt! Lately I've had half a mind to start a spreadsheet so I can start remembering Who's Who.

In order for that to work, I've got to find a way to stop people's names leaving my head immediately after I'm introduced. I know I'm not the only one who does this. It's like people say their name and it just zips right into one ear and out the other! And for that, I went looking for tips when I stumbled upon a good one from a unique sort of expert.

Derren Brown is one of the most famous mentalists in the world, so he knows a thing or two about people. Mentalists are a special breed of magician that focus on tricks and illusions of the mind.

They do things like hynopsis, mind-reading, and impossible predictions. There's trickery, involved, of course; but mentalists are also masters at reading people and have to employ advanced memory techniques to keep track of information they learn during their shows.

In an interview with Big Think, Brown revealed some of his favorite memory hacks; including his 'party trick' to never forget a person's name.


names, psychology, social anxiety, memory, memory tricks, small talk, people, parties, meeting people Trick number one: Say their name Giphy

The secret is to create a link between the part of your brain that stores information like names, and the visual part of your brain that is more easily accessed. Visual memory has also been found to be substantially stronger and more detailed than auditory and other kinds of memories, so what you want to do is get the visual part of your brain involved in remembering!

"You find a link between the person's name and something about their appearance, what they're wearing, their face, their hair, something," Brown says. "You find a link with something that they're wearing so if they're called Mike and they've got big black hair you think, 'Oh that's like a microphone' so I can imagine like a big microphone walking around or if they've got a stripy T-shirt on you imagine a microphone with those stripes going around it.

"And it's the same process later on in the evening you see them, you look at the stripes and you go, 'Oh that's Mike. Oh yeah that's Mike. The hair, why am I thinking the hair is like a big microphone? Oh yes, of course, they're called Mike.'"

Microphone Mike! Any sort of alliteration based on a physical characteristic will work. Stripey Steve, Tall Tim, Green Gene. The more interesting and unique, the better you'll remember.

If this sounds a little bit like Michael Scott's mnemonic devices from The Office, well, they're not far off. He applies in a pretty strange and convoluted way: "Baldy. Your head it bald. It is hairless. It is shiny. It is reflective, like a mirror. M. Your name is Mark." But ultimately, he was on to something. If you watched the show, you know that Michael Scott never forgot a name!


names, psychology, social anxiety, memory, memory tricks, small talk, people, parties, meeting people Michael Scott: Memory master. Giphy


There is one catch with the technique: You have to actually listen and pay attention when someone tells you their name!

"So, you do have to listen that's the first thing when they say the name," Brown says. "Normally the very moment where someone is giving you their name you're just caught up in a whole lot of social anxiety anyways you don't even hear it, so you have to listen."

Using someone's name when you talk to them has tons of benefits. It conveys respect, friendliness, and intimacy. When you're on the receiving end and someone you've just met uses your name, it just feels good! It feels like it matters to them that they met you. Just don't overdo it. Repeating someone's name every other sentence comes across disingenuous and salesy. A good rule of thumb is to repeat their name immediately after learning it ("Nice to meet you, Jim") and upon saying goodbye. The rest of the memory work should happen in your head to avoid creeping them out!

"And then at the end [of the party] you get to go around and say goodbye to everybody by name and everyone thinks you're very charming and clever," Brown quips.

Listen to the entire, fascinating interview here.


- YouTube www.youtube.com

Brown's name-remembering technique is tangential to an ancient philosophy called the "Method of loci".

The method involves attaching things to be remembered (numbers, tasks, facts) to specific places that are easy to visualize in your head. Imagine taking a brain-walk down the street you live on and all the objects or places you might see there. The mailbox, the gnarled tree, the rusty fire hydrant. This memory method asks you to visually associate one thing you want to remember with each item or location. The more strange and visual the image you can create, the better! Brown uses the example of trying to shove a sparkling-clean shirt into his mailbox, reminding him to do his drycleaning.

When you need to recall the item, you just take a little walk in your head down the street.

(Did you know that there's a World Championship of Memory? Most of the best competitors use a version of this technique, which originated all the way back in Ancient Greece, and possibly well before even that.)


names, psychology, social anxiety, memory, memory tricks, small talk, people, parties, meeting people The Method of Loci could save you from forgetting key information. Giphy

The name hack isn't so dissimilar. You're attaching an intangible, abstract thing (a name) to a specific visual image you can see in your head and even in the real world. But that's just one way of getting better at remembering names! There are all kinds of tips, hacks, and methods you can try.

Some people swear by repeating the name immediately after hearing it. "Hi, my name is Jake." "Hi, Jake, nice to meet you!" (Just don't say someone's name too frequently or you risk coming off a bit slimy.)

Others use a technique similar to Brown's loci idea, but instead of a visual, you lean on things that are already deeply engrained in your memory, like rhymes or free-association. or even celebrities. Mary - had a little lamb. Jake - the Snake. Daisy - flowers. Tom - Cruise.

Another trick (that I've definitely used before) if you do forget someone's name? Introduce them to someone you know! "Hey, this is my wife, Sarah." The person was almost always introduce themselves using their own name, and then you get a second chance at remembering it.

A lot of the best advice really comes down to being intentional about remembering when you're introduced to a new person. Whatever mental gymnastics you choose to do with the name, the mere fact that you're thinking about it with such focus immediately after is a big part of why these 'tricks' help names stick.

It feels really good when someone cares enough to remember your name, so it's definitely worth putting in a little effort of trying to instill that feeling in others.

And, furthermore, remind yourself that it's perfectly OK to forget someone's name; especially if you've just met. A kind, honest, and vulnerable, "I'm sorry, can you remind me your name again?" might feel awkward in the moment, but it utilizes the easiest 'trick' of all: Just being a normal human and asking.

This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated.

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