Same-sex couples are particularly awesome at communication, according to new research.
There's a lot to learn about same-sex relationships. So why is there almost no research?
One of the most important elements of a healthy relationship is the ability to communicate well.
It's hard to have a happy long-term relationship without figuring out how to talk (and, yes, fight) in productive, healthy ways. In fact, research has shown that communicating effectively and openly is one of the key determinants of a stable, satisfying relationship. Almost half of divorced people say they plan to change how they communicate with their partner in their next relationship.
Photo by Charles McQuillan/Getty Images.
Some research shows that same-sex couples are particularly awesome at talking it out.
That's something that Dr. Megan Robins picked up on when she was doing her dissertation research on couples coping with breast cancer diagnoses. Most of the couples in her study were heterosexual and of mixed genders, but the study also included seven lesbian couples.
"They [the same-sex couples] had this qualitatively more positive feel to them than the opposite-sex couples," Dr. Robbins said in an interview. "It was only my impression, so I wasn't coming to any scientific conclusion, but they did seem to laugh together more, to be a little bit closer and more positive."
There was a problem, though: Robbins couldn't find much other research on same-sex marriages.
"When I looked for background literature on same-sex couples, I came up really short. There was almost nothing there," Dr. Robbins said. "There are certainly notable studies on same-sex couples out there, but we're talking thousands of articles on opposite-sex couples compared to a handful on same-sex couples."
Photo by Darren McCollester/Getty Images.
One of those "notable" studies she's talking about is one of the only other studies out there on same-sex relationships and happiness. It's a survey conducted by the Families and Work Institute and PriceWaterhouseCoopers, which found that gay couples don't really pay attention to gender roles when they're splitting up chores, and they're better at communicating openly.
According to the study, people in same-sex relationships also tend to be better at fighting fair and at resolving conflicts well. They have more positive relationships, on average, likely because they treat each other more like equals and care less about adhering to gender stereotypes.
Researchers drew these important conclusions from a really small body of evidence, so there's a lot more to learn.
That's where Dr. Robbins' new project comes into play. She's launching a study that looks at LGBTQ and straight couples and their day-to-day interactions.
"The focus of this study is how these couples can support — and maybe in some cases hinder — each other's health behaviors, things like smoking, drinking, and exercising. We know a lot about how heterosexual couples do this and what strategies work for them, but we know very little about how this information applies to same-sex couples," she said.
I'm hoping this study is one of many more to come because it's hugely important.
Often doctors and public health professionals aren't trained to address the health issues of the LGBTQ demographic; they may ask the wrong questions, give bad advice, or say really insensitive things.
Photo by Ty Wright/Getty Images.
"LGBTQ people are at-risk [health-wise] in the first place, and we don't know how to target them better, as far as couples go. I'm hoping that this information will help people to tailor interventions geared at improving health behaviors down the line," Dr. Robbins said.
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."
This article originally appeared in May.