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Health

Couples, your relationship is not doomed by sleeping apart

should couples sleep in different beds
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Cutting out co-sleeping may improve your relationship.

When my boyfriend and I finally decided to sleep separately, we saw it as admitting defeat. We had fought long and valiantly—earplugs, sleep studies, some medicated chocolate, the whole nine yards—but in the end our love simply wasn’t strong enough to win in the battle against snoring and restless leg syndrome. Or at least, that’s what it felt like.

It didn’t help that by the time we had reached this decision, we were both so sleep-deprived that our home had turned into a war zone of irritability. We fought about everything. (I mean, clearly I was right about it all, but still!) It felt like maybe the only thing that truly had fallen asleep was our love for one another.

So as we shopped for an additional bed, it was hard to not worry whether or not this was simply a bad omen. A test we had failed. The beginning of the end.

But then that extra bed came. I call it our “inanimate couple’s counselor” for the way it saved our relationship.

With every passing night, I found myself less agitated, calmer and dare I say … happier. My boyfriend noticed the same effects. We even organically created a sweet morning and evening ritual that involved more cuddling and affection. The very thing we feared losing (our intimacy) had been revived. Improved, even.

After arriving at such bliss, it almost seems silly to think that we both tried to hold onto something that clearly wasn’t working, even at the expense of our health. And for what? To prove our everlasting love?

Apparently my boyfriend and I are far from outliers with this dilemma. Lots of people still think that separate beds means there’s a problem with the relationship.

Wendy M. Troxel Ph.D. is a senior behavioral and social scientist, internationally recognized for her work exploring the effects of sleep on health, the global economy and, of course, couples.

The question Troxel gets asked most frequently from concerned couples is, “Is it bad if my partner and I sleep apart?”

Short answer: no. And it might be time that we put this notion to bed.


The origin story of sleeping together = LOVE.

couples in separate bedsGiphy

Troxel shares in an essay for the TED blog that until the sexual revolution, the term “sleeping together” had a much more literal meaning. And that shift in cultural attitudes still influences us to equate separate beds with a lack of passion.

But considering we spend more time sleeping than making love, perhaps it’s time to shift priorities and release ourselves from this society-prescribed torture. In my experience, love doesn’t thrive in obligation.

The science suggests that our relationships might be better after sleeping separately.

when a partner snoresGiphy

Troxel’s research indicates that being well rested helps improve communication and makes us happier, more empathetic, even more attractive and funnier—all skills that help contribute to a strong and lasting relationship.

Inversely, we all know how monstrous we can become after a sleepless night. I remember during one particularly rough morning I refused to kiss my boyfriend goodbye because I resented him and his snoring. It wasn’t my best moment.

Plus, finding a good sleep solution can be a majorly helpful exercise in problem-solving together, which is yet another cornerstone of relationship success.

Lots of couples (more than you may realize) are sleeping separately anyway.

sleeping in different bedsGiphy

According to a 2021 poll, around one-third of couples prefer solo sleep. This might have been a privilege previously only known to the wealthy few (not everyone could bed like kings and queens, after all) but it’s easier now more than ever to afford and fit in a second sleeping space.

I mean, my boyfriend and I live in L.A.—meaning a tiny apartment with a less-than-generous floor plan. But we purchased a cushy daybed for our living room, placed some plants around it and now call it the “Zen corner” when guests visit. So far, so good.

Plus, there are so many other ways to invite closeness other than sleeping together.

should couples sleep togetherGiphy

Working out, morning coffee cuddles, tucking each other in … the list goes on. And who knows? Maybe those new rituals will feel even better than sleeping together. Especially if you're both in better moods.

And it’s not like there has to be 100% commitment to either strategy. My boyfriend and I still share the bed every once in a while. And now it feels extra special, rather than an obligation.

Of course, the caveat to this is why you’re choosing to sleep in different spots in the first place. But if the intention is to take care of the relationship—rather than avoid it—then taking care of yourself, as we are learning more and more, is one of the first steps.

Bottom line: Rest is a necessity, not a luxury.

sleeping habits for couplesGiphy

A healthy relationship is composed of two healthy people. And sleep absolutely affects our health. If it means doing so separately, who cares? What’s most important is that both partners are fulfilled, nourished and energized by more than caffeine.

Sleeping habits, like life, can be more of a choose-your-own-adventure, rather than a set of rules. Choose what feels best, and you often can’t go wrong.

Health

4 simple hacks to help you meet your healthy eating goals

Trying to eat healthier? Try these 4 totally doable tricks.

Photo by Anna Pelzer on Unsplash

Most of us want to eat healthier but need some help to make it happen.

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When it comes to choosing what to eat, we live in a uniquely challenging era. Never before have humans known more about nutrition and how to eat for optimal health, and yet we’ve never been more surrounded by distractions and temptations that derail us from making healthy choices.

Some people might be able to decide “I’m going to eat healthier!” and do so without any problem, but those folks are unicorns. Most of us know what we should do, but need a little help making it happen—like some simple hacks, tips and tricks for avoiding pitfalls on the road to healthier eating.

While recognizing that what works for one person may not work for another, here are some helpful habits and approaches that might help you move closer to your healthy eating goals.

man pulling chip out of a chip bagOur mouths loves chips. Our bodies not so much.Photo by Bermix Studio on Unsplash

Goal: Snack on less junk food

Tip: Focus your willpower on the grocery store, not your home

Willpower is a limited commodity for most of us, and it is no match for a bag of potato chips sitting on top of the fridge. It’s just a fact. Channeling your willpower at the grocery store can save you from having to fight that battle at home. If you don’t bring chips into your house in the first place, you’ll find it a lot easier to reach for something healthier.

The key to successful shopping trips is to always go to the store with a specific list and a full stomach—you’ll feel much less tempted to buy the junky snack foods if you’re already satiated. Also, finding healthier alternatives that will still satisfy your cravings for salty or crunchy, or fatty foods helps. Sugar snap peas have a surprisingly satisfying crunch, apples and nut butter hit that sweet-and-salty craving, etc.

slice of cakeYou can eat well without giving up sweets completely.Photo by Caitlyn de Wild on Unsplash

Goal: Eat less sugar

Tip: Instead of “deprive,” think “delay” or “decrease and delight”

Sugar is a tricky one. Some people find it easier to cut out added sugars altogether, but that can create an all-or-nothing mindset that all too often results in “all.” Eating more whole foods and less processed foods can help us cut out a lot of ancillary sugar, but we still live in a world with birthday cakes and dessert courses.

One approach to dessert temptation is to delay instead of deprive. Tell yourself you can have any sweet you want…tomorrow. This mental trick flips the “I’ll just indulge today and start eating healthier tomorrow” idea on its head. It’s a lot easier to resist something you know you can have tomorrow than to say no to something you think you’ll never get to have again.

Another approach when you really want to enjoy a dessert at that moment is to decrease the amount and really truly savor it. Eat each bite slowly, delighting in the full taste and satisfaction of it. As soon as that delight starts to diminish, even a little, stop eating. You’ve gotten what you wanted out of it. You don’t have to finish it. (After all, you can always have more tomorrow!)

colorful fresh food on a plateA naturally colorful meal is a healthy meal.Photo by Anna Pelzer on Unsplash

Goal: Eat healthier meals

Tip: Focus on fresh foods and plan meals ahead of time

Meal planning is easier than ever before. The internet is filled with countless tools—everything from recipes to shopping lists to meal planning apps—and it’s as awesome as it is overwhelming.

Planning ahead takes the guesswork and decision fatigue out of cooking, preventing the inevitable “Let’s just order a pizza.” You can have a repeating 3-week or 4-week menu of your favorite meals so you never have to think about what you’re going to eat, or you can meal plan once a week to try new recipes and keep things fresh.

It might help to designate one day a week to “shop and chop”—getting and prepping the ingredients for the week’s meals so they’re ready to go in your fridge or freezer.

woman holding blueberries in her handsOrganic foods are better for the Earth and for us.Photo by andrew welch on Unsplash

Goal: Eat more organic/humanely raised food

Tip: Utilize the “dirty dozen” and “clean 15” lists to prioritize

Many people choose organic because they want to avoid pesticides and other potentially harmful chemicals. Organic food is also better for the planet, and according to the Mayo Clinic, studies have shown that organic produce is higher in certain nutrients.

Most people don’t buy everything organic, but there are some foods that should take priority over others. Each year, researchers from the Environmental Working Group (EWG) analyze thousands of samples of dozens of fruits and vegetables. From this data, they create a list of the “Dirty Dozen” and “Clean 15” fruits and vegetables, indicating what produce has the most and least pesticide residue. These lists give people a good place to start focusing their transition to more organic foods.

To make organic eating even simpler, you can shop O Organics® at your local Albertsons or Safeway stores. The O Organics brand offers a wide range of affordable USDA-certified organic products in every aisle. If you’re focusing on fresh foods, O Organics produce is always grown without synthetic pesticides, is farmed to conserve biodiversity, and is always non-GMO. All animal-based O Organics products are certified humane as well. Even switching part of your grocery list to organic can make a positive impact on the planet and the people you feed.

Healthy eating habits don’t have to be all or nothing, and they don’t have to be complicated. A few simple mindset changes at home and habit changes at the grocery store can make a big difference.

Around 1 a.m. on April 24, semi-truck drivers in the Oak Park area of Michigan received a distress call from area police: An unidentified man was standing on the edge of a local bridge, apparently ready to jump onto the freeway below.

Those drivers then did something amazing. They raced to the scene to help — and lined up their trucks under the bridge, providing a relatively safe landing space should the man jump.

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All images provided by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

Collins after being selected by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

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A changemaker is anyone who takes creative action to solve an ongoing problem—be it in one’s own community or throughout the world.

And when it comes to creating positive change, enthusiasm and a fresh perspective can hold just as much power as years of experience. That’s why, every year, Prudential Emerging Visionaries celebrates young people for their innovative solutions to financial and societal challenges in their communities.

This national program awards 25 young leaders (ages 14-18) up to $15,000 to devote to their passion projects. Additionally, winners receive a trip to Prudential’s headquarters in Newark, New Jersey, where they receive coaching, skills development, and networking opportunities with mentors to help take their innovative solutions to the next level.

For 18-year-old Sydnie Collins, one of the 2023 winners, this meant being able to take her podcast, “Perfect Timing,” to the next level.

Since 2020, the Maryland-based teen has provided a safe platform that promotes youth positivity by giving young people the space to celebrate their achievements and combat mental health stigmas. The idea came during the height of Covid-19, when Collins recalled social media “becoming a dark space flooded with news,” which greatly affected her own anxiety and depression.

Knowing that she couldn’t be the only one feeling this way, “Perfect Timing” seemed like a valuable way to give back to her community. Over the course of 109 episodes, Collins has interviewed a wide range of guests—from other young influencers to celebrities, from innovators to nonprofit leaders—all to remind Gen Z that “their dreams are tangible.”

That mission statement has since evolved beyond creating inspiring content and has expanded to hosting events and speaking publicly at summits and workshops. One of Collins’ favorite moments so far has been raising $7,000 to take 200 underserved girls to see “The Little Mermaid” on its opening weekend, to “let them know they are enough” and that there’s an “older sister” in their corner.

Of course, as with most new projects, funding for “Perfect Timing” has come entirely out of Collins’ pocket. Thankfully, the funding she earned from being selected as a Prudential Emerging Visionary is going toward upgraded recording equipment, the support of expert producers, and skill-building classes to help her become a better host and public speaker. She’ll even be able to lease an office space that allows for a live audience.

Plus, after meeting with the 24 other Prudential Emerging Visionaries and her Prudential employee coach, who is helping her develop specific action steps to connect with her target audience, Collins has more confidence in a “grander path” for her work.

“I learned that my network could extend to multiple spaces beyond my realm of podcasting and journalism when industry leaders are willing to share their expertise, time, and financial support,” she told Upworthy. “It only takes one person to change, and two people to expand that change.”

Prudential Emerging Visionaries is currently seeking applicants for 2024. Winners may receive up to $15,000 in awards and an all-expenses-paid trip to Prudential’s headquarters with a parent or guardian, as well as ongoing coaching and skills development to grow their projects.

If you or someone you know between the ages of 14 -18 not only displays a bold vision for the future but is taking action to bring that vision to life, click here to learn more. Applications are due by Nov. 2, 2023.

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Jordan came to "AGT: The Champions" in 2020 as the winner of Norway's Got Talent, which she won in 2014 at the mere age of 7 with her impressive ability to seemingly channel Billie Holiday. For the 2020 audition, she sang Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody," but a version that no one had ever heard before.

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Education

3,700-year-old Babylonian stone tablet gets translated, changes history

They were doing trigonometry 1500 years before the Greeks.

via UNSW

Dr. Daniel Mansfield and his team at the University of New South Wales in Australia have just made an incredible discovery. While studying a 3,700-year-old tablet from the ancient civilization of Babylon, they found evidence that the Babylonians were doing something astounding: trigonometry!

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Identity

Man teaches disability awareness by using sign language to communicate with deaf pitbull

Christopher Hannah and Cole the Deaf Dog have inspired children and veterans for over 6 years.

Chris Hannah and Cole entertain a group of kids.

Six years ago, Cole was a deaf pitbull deemed “broken” and passed up by countless families at the South Jersey Regional Animal Shelter. But in April of 2017, he was adopted by Chris Hannah, a public school music teacher and they’ve been changing lives ever since.

Chris, with the help of his deaf nephew, taught the dog sign language, and they began doing presentations in schools, teaching kids that it’s okay to be different and helping them to be courageous and kind. They also help them reflect on their feelings of “brokenness” to learn self-acceptance and compassion. In their performances, Chris and Cole demonstrate that disabilities are a superpower by showing that a dog can learn sign language.

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With permission from Sarah Cooper.

Men and the feels.


Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.

In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.

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