family

Oldest siblings can have a complicated relationship with their youngers. They may be separated by many years, or just one or two. They can be best friends or mortal enemies depending on the day. Siblings tend to fight and have conflict at an almost laughably high rate, and yet, in many cases, they are among the most meaningful relationships in a person's life.

However, it's often not until kids grow up that they truly appreciate the bond they have with their siblings and the crucial role that each of them has played in the other's lives.

Poet Joshua De Schutter recently performed a tear-jerking poem dedicated to his older sister, Joy, and it's striking a nerve with people everywhere who grew up with siblings.

Older sibling with her arm around her younger sibling. Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

De Schutter, who is only in his early twenties, has been posting clips of his performances online for about two years. In that short time he has amassed over a million followers. Viewers connect deeply with his incisive observations about life, love, and family, and his poems are extremely accessible in their language and structure, giving them a broad appeal almost anyone can relate to.

A recent piece about older siblings has racked up over three million views.

"Someone to protect me from everything that hurt them, that's what it really means to have an older sibling," De Schutter says early in the piece, which is a spoken word poem performed in a natural cadence.

"Someone in my life I don't even remember meeting, someone who loved me before I knew love was a feeling ... And man, it must be hard, being mom and dad's first, being the kid that taught them how to be adults, being the first kid to experience those flaws and responsibilities you have to inherit. We all know that the first child becomes the third parent."

One of the best lines comes as he makes a realization about his older sister's love and protection: That it came at a cost.

"Then you grow up and you look back at all they did... and you realize she had to grow up faster so that I could stay a kid."

The whole performance is a must-watch:

Nearly five-thousand people commented on De Schutter's video expressing their gratitude for his message. Many were brought to tears:

"as an eldest child, i'm crying. thank you."

"I’m the eldest child and this made me cry so much ... thank you for your words. This isn’t your first poem that brought me to tears. You touch many lives. Keep doing what you do!"

"As the eldest sibling, my younger siblings are literally my babies and I’d do anything for them"

"Sitting here, crying. Because me and my older sister didnt get along so good. I wish we would have. And crying, because I hope my First daughter will be this for her Younger Sisters. And crying, because it will be hard for her."

"recently lost my little sister and she expressed some of these same sentiments. It’s one of the only things that bring me solace. I miss her so much"

"Thank you for putting this into words. As the older sibling by almost 8years with a single mom I wish I could’ve had this kind of appreciation."

De Schutter's poem captures something many eldest siblings inherently understand. Birth order, research shows, can play a huge role in the development of our personalities.

(The young poet has a real talent for taking seemingly simple observations about life and making them hit like a sledgehammer.)

"Oldest child syndrome" refers to traits that are commonly seen in a firstborn kid as they grow into an adult. They often grow up faster and reach cognitive milestones more quickly, take on more responsibility at a younger age, and can be drawn to leadership roles as adults. However, the extra responsibility and parent-like roles they take on can have a toll on their mental health. There's an extremely fine line between a kid learning responsibility and leadership versus becoming parentified. Too much of the latter can cause massive stress, anxiety, and healthy boundary issues in children as they grow up.

Oldest siblings, of course, are rarely recognized for these contributions to the family. In many cases, they do make sacrifices in their own childhood in order to be a role model and caregiver for their younger siblings, so it's no wonder hearing that hard work finally acknowledged in De Schutter's poem is bringing so many eldest siblings to tears.