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Conflict between parents and grandparents is hard to avoid. A lot of the time, it comes down to generational differences. When our parents were raising us, there weren't smartphones and there was no Disney+ or Netflix (well, at least not the streaming version). In general, kids had more freedom and less supervision in the 80s and 90s. Parenting styles like gentle parenting or conscious parenting weren't things people thought about as frequently. Again, there was no Instagram shoving it in your face over and over! In some cases, research and data gathered over time have shown us a better way, even though previous generations of parents were doing the best with the information they had.

So it's natural for grandparents to have, um, opinions about how their grandchildren are being raised at times. According to the AARP, most disagreements center on how children are disciplined, what they eat, and how much screen time they get. The sad thing is that when these conflicts become too common, or escalate too far, grandparents can start to miss out on time with their grandkids. There's got to be a way to avoid or mediate these conflicts before they get to that point.

One grandma just laid out her three simple rules for new grandparents who want better relationships with their kids and grandkids.

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Maria, who goes by MomMom Maria online, took to Instagram to offer the blunt advice for new or expecting grandmas — though they can definitely apply to any grandparent.

Rule number one. You are not the parent.

"That is crucial. You're not this child's parent," Maria says in a selfie-style video filmed in her car. "You're privileged to be a grandmother. You're not the mother."

It sounds obvious, but Maria's absolutely right about this one. The parents get to make the decisions on how their kids are raised, how they are disciplined, what they eat, what they can and can't watch on TV, and more. As a grandparent you're not the decision-maker and you're not the one who's ultimately responsible. You can have your own thoughts and opinions, but you don't really get a say. Harsh but true!

Rule number two: Respect the parents' boundaries.

"And guess what? You don't have to understand them," says Maria. "'I don't understand why she doesn't want us to kiss the baby!' You don't have to understand, respect their boundaries."

Conflict doesn't have to come from disagreements about parenting. Some parents butt heads with grandparents over their kids being spoiled and showered with gifts (and other junk that parents then have to find a place for in crowded houses). It can be tough for grandparents to understand or agree with a boundary like "Please don't buy them anything without asking me first," but Maria argues that grandparents must respect boundaries even if they don't understand or agree with them.

Number three, a corollary to rule number two: It's not about you.

"You're not a victim," Maria says. “You're not a pushover. You're just being respectful of their role as parents and realizing that your role is a grandmother. I love it."

Just because you're keeping critical thoughts and opinions and disagreements on how the children are being parented to yourself doesn't mean you're being weak. That's just being respectful of the parents' boundaries and decisions. It's a good thing that you're working to ensure a positive relationship with your children and grandchildren! That's an investment that will reap more and more dividends as the kids get older.

Maria's tips united people from across the aisle — both parents and grandparents agreed the guidelines could make for better relationships.

Maria's video struck a cord with a huge audience of over 300,000 viewers on Instagram. Most were fully on board with the 'new rules.'

"Grandmother to a 7-month-old and two-week-old. Absolutely agree. And I remember how it was when I was a young mother and my MIL made unsolicited comments," one fellow grandma chimed in.

"And remember things have changed since you were a mom: swaddling, no blankets, back sleeping, etc. Just nod and say ok!" offered another user.

Another user mentioned that she'd had a similar conversation with their therapist, who said: "grandparents are used to being *the* parents in the room. They often times don’t know how to or otherwise refuse to fall into a secondary role.” ... "And that hit hard," the user added. "I think a lot of these grandparents are not understanding that they don’t get to parent our kids. They need to step back and let us parent. It’s time for them to relax and step into that secondary role."

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But not everyone agreed with Maria's advice. Some grandparents, in particular, resented the fact that they should feel privileged just to be involved in a child's life at all, or they lamented not feeling connected to the family when their wisdom and experience wasn't being valued.

"I had one child. He grew up , got married, and is now a dad. I have one grandson," one person commented. "They live on the other side of the country. I keep my mouth shut about EVERYTHING. I text to get permission to call or be lucky enough to FT. I don’t send my grandson ANYTHING , not even so much as a cookie, unless I get their permission first. I struggle to have any conversation with him or his wife because I am not a part of their life. I keep my mouth shut, offer no opinions on anything . It is very hard to be so disconnected from them and it hurts but there is nothing I can do about."

Another commenter was upset by feeling like they knew better, but not being able to voice it:

"This is so hard to do as a GP. I want all organic. . Parents do not care. I want no sugar. They give lots of sugar . I want no screen time . Parents do lots of screen time . I want no cell phone scrolling. Parents scrolll constantly in front of baby. I’m trying so hard to not say anything."

Parents aren't "always right" when it comes to these conflicts, for the record. Ideally, there would be open and honest communication, and a relationship where grandparents' experience and wisdom was valued and taken into consideration, while also allowing space and boundaries for the parents to make the final decisions. Of course, communication is hard. It takes a lot of work and it requires multiple different parties to manage their emotions and egos. Learning to communicate about boundaries, rules, and differences in philosophy takes time — but Maria's three rules are a pretty good starting point for new grandparents who want to get off on the right foot.

Joy

Irish couple got 'the chuckles' in video for daughter overseas. It's pure laughter therapy.

They couldn't keep it together in their baby shower message, even on their final attempt.

Representative photo credit: Canva

Sometimes you just can't keep it together.

Have you ever gotten the giggles at the most inopportune time, like when you're trying to do or say something serious? We've seen it happen to actors filming comedic scenes, news anchors during broadcasts, singers in church services, kids in spelling bees, and more. When the giggle bug bites, it bites hard, and keeping it together can sometimes feel like a superhuman feat.

That's what happened to a woman's parents in Ireland when they tried to make a heartfelt video greeting for her baby shower. The woman, Orla, was an expectant mother in Australia and her parents were creating a selfie video of love and encouragement as she got ready to welcome her little one. The problem was, neither of them could keep it together for longer than a few seconds at a time. And the best part is, it wasn't even their first try.

Her father said they'd spent 15 or 20 minutes trying to make the video and this was their final attempt. They weren't used to seeing themselves on video and it proved to be too funny to handle. But the best part is how the mom would say something heartfelt, like, "You're going to be wonderful parents," and then they'd both burst out laughing.

Watch:

People cannot get enough of their chuckles.

"Literally the best 2 min on the internet ever 😂😂😂. I love them so much. I’m so jealous of your baby for having the best grandparents on the planet. ❤️"

"And this is our final attempt that killed me. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣"

"It's the sincerely at the end for me. 😂"

"I don’t know how many time i have watched it today 😂😂. Maybe twenty 🤣🤣. Such lovely parents you have 😅😍."

"😂😂😂 love their laughter! You need to save this to show that baby some day!"

"If I had a video of my parents carrying on like this, I would cherish it forever!!"

Videos like this truly feel like laughter therapy, which is a legitimate thing. In fact, laughter therapy has been used by medical professionals in some form or another for centuries. According to the MayoClinic, laughter has the following short-term and long-term therapeutic benefits for both your mental and physical health:

In the short-term, laughter can:

  • Stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.
  • Activate and relieve your stress response. A rollicking laugh fires up and then cools down your stress response, and it can increase and then decrease your heart rate and blood pressure. The result? A good, relaxed feeling.
  • Soothe tension. Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which can help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

Long-term, laughter may:

  • Improve your immune system. Negative thoughts manifest into chemical reactions that can affect your body by bringing more stress into your system and decreasing your immunity. By contrast, positive thoughts can actually release neuropeptides that help fight stress and potentially more-serious illnesses.
  • Relieve pain. Laughter may ease pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers.
  • Increase personal satisfaction. Laughter can also make it easier to cope with difficult situations. It also helps you connect with other people.
  • Improve your mood. Many people experience depression, sometimes due to chronic illnesses. Laughter can help lessen your stress, depression and anxiety and may make you feel happier. It can also improve your self-esteem.
So there you go. Viral videos that make you laugh aren't just a mindless time waster after all. Here's to loving parents, raucous chuckles, shared joy and that lucky baby of Orla's who has utterly delightful grandparents over in Ireland.
Allen Taylor/Unsplash

I've never been a big fan of arguing with my kids over common sense. The classic example is that kids, once they reach a certain age, never want to wear a coat no matter how cold it is outside. Some parents, knowing the correct decision, will force their kids to wear the coat. Others will carry it along, just in case their kids do decide they want it, and wave it around so other parents know they're not being irresponsible.

I've always thought a perfectly acceptable way to handle this is to let my kids experience the consequences of their own actions. Oh, you're cold now? Who could have possibly predicted that?! Finding out that not wearing a coat when it's cold outside feels bad is a pretty good way for them to make sure they learn how to make a better decision next time.

There are caveats, of course. You can never let your kids do anything dangerous or something that can't be fixed in some way. But in general, natural consequences are really a great way to learn — as opposed to parent-imposed consequences like timeouts, being grounded, yelling, etcetera.

It turns out there is a name for this parenting style, and it's all the rage on social media: It's called 'FAFO' Parenting.

You might know the acronym FAFO as "F Around and Find Out," and I think that sums up this approach perfectly.


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FAFO Parenting emphasizes that kids should learn by experiencing the natural consequences of their actions, instead of punishments imposed by parents.

Punishments are often not an amazing way for kids to learn. They're usually completely unrelated to the actual lesson ("Eat your vegetables or go to your room") or they actually turn out to be harder on the parents than the kids (Ever try "No TV for the weekend"? Not a lot of fun, is it?). That's not to say that punishments have no place in parenting, but there's often a better way.

Natural consequences, on the other hand, are how adults learn — so it stands to reason that they can help kids learn, too. Natural consequences should be immediate and relatively low stakes. For example, if your child plays rough with a toy and breaks it, they no longer have that toy. Easy peasy!

On the other hand, if your kid is being mean to his friend, the natural consequence would be that eventually, that person won't be his friend anymore. That's a really tough lesson for a young kid to learn, and it could have lasting consequences. Plus it's also not immediate, it would build up over time, so it's not the best time for parents to avoid stepping in FAFO-style.

The natural consequence of playing with a lighter is that your kid might get burned. Again, not a good time for FAFO!

One viral video explains FAFO Parenting perfectly, along with giving a few examples.

“So I practice authoritative parenting, but within what I would consider a subgenre that I would call 'fuck around and find out' parenting, they fuck around, then they find out," says TikTok mom Janelle. "They get their natural consequences and get to figure out the way through them,”

“This weekend, I took my kid camping for the first time with the Cub Scouts, and we had a great time. But at one point it was raining pretty hard. It was raining all day. It was real wet, and the kids were all just playing around at the campsite, and my son decided he didn't want to wear his rain jacket anymore," she explains. "OK that's up to you, I'm not fighting my kid on a jacket unless temperatures are such that it could be dangerous with it. I did warn him like, OK but you're gonna get wet, just so you know, I'm not gonna get a new shirt out for you. You're gonna have to figure this one out yourself."

She says about 10 minutes later her son decided he didn't like being wet and wanted to go change.

"He got to decide for himself when he needed to go find a new shirt and stop playing and change. And we pretty much do that with everything that there's not a safety concern."

@hey.im.janelle

Probably described by less uncouth parents as "learning from natural consequences," I've found that the #FAFO method helps kids learn much better than lectures do. #authoritativeparenting #parentsoftiktok #momsoftiktok

Parents are split on FAFO as a parenting style. It does foster independence and better decision making, but it comes with its downsides.

"I love this. This is what we do. My kids are confident and polite and thinkers! You're doing great!!!🥰," wrote on parent.

"We looove fafo parents. That’s how I was raised. That’s how my kids will be raised bc that’s how they listen and behave and learn," commented another.

Janelle's video is originally from 2022 but has more recently skyrocketed in views, racking up over 340,000 to date. But not all of those viewers were on board with the approach.

The downsides to FAFO parenting, or natural consequence parenting, are twofold:

First, it can be tricky to determine what is a reasonable natural consequence for your kid to experience and what's too harsh or dangerous. It's a tough line to draw in the moment. As a parent, you're supposed to teach them, but you're also supposed to protect them. Later in Janelle's video, she uses the example of her kids climbing too high in a tree — the consequence is that they have to figure out a way to get down safely. Sounds a little too risky for me, but maybe I'm just a worrier.

Second, natural consequences aren't always immediate. Especially in younger kids, it might be tough to connect consequences that come way later to the actions that caused them. If they skip a meal or snack, they might not be hungry for several hours. At that delayed point, the lesson may not land as well as you'd think.

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There's also a risk that, if not done properly, FAFO can be construed by your child that you aren't concerned for their safety and well-being.

"Makes ur kid feel like u don’t actually care about them or what happens to them. My mom did that," one user wrote under the video.

Every parent has to draw their own line, and determine their own teaching style. Not matter what flavor or parenting you prefer, not every tool in your toolbox will work in every situation. Some scenarios lend themselves perfectly to FAFO and natural consequences. Others require a more protective style of teaching. Learning when and how to use technique properly is a frustrating and never-ending process. Welcome to parenting!


Parenting

10 no-cost, no-line things my kids love in Disney World

It’s easy to be disillusioned by the prices and the crowds, but on a recent trip, our favorite things had neither.

Evan Porter/Upworthy

They say Disney World is the most magical place on Earth. Sadly, not everyone feels that way! A lot of parents half-jokingly call Disney a "nightmare" because of the cost and the crowds, not to mention the fact that the overstimulating environment can sometimes bring out the worst in kids. It's pretty amazing to see a child decked out in Mickey Ears holding an ice cream cone and a cinnamon roll and a new toy still crying because they didn't get what they wanted! And then there's the complexity of planning an efficient trip, which can rival the logistical efforts of visiting a foreign country.

And those things can absolutely be true. But you know what? I still love it, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. If you have kids of a certain age, there's just nothing quite like Disney. There just isn't.

What surprised me on my most recent trip to Disney World with my wife and 4 and 9 year olds girls was how excited we were just to be there. Sure, I was looking forward to checking out some of the newer rides, like Guardians of the Galaxy, but I was only able to get on most of them once, if at all. It didn't matter. The thing that made our trip special was that we were all together and focused on having as much fun as possible in the time that we had together, which is a big shakeup from our regular fast-paced daily routine. Everywhere you look in Disney World, there's an opportunity to have fun and do something you just can't do in the normal world. That's the kind of thing that makes families think it's worth it, and what keeps them coming back year after year.

Here were some of the simple things that proved to be a ton of fun without a long wait or an extra cost:

Disclosure: My family and I were able to attend Disney World for free as part of a recent Magic of Milestones celebration, but under no obligation to provide a positive review.

1. Riding the Skyliner

Lee/Flickr

Hands down, by far, this was my kid’s favorite thing to do and, as long as you can get inside the Disney World complex, it’s totally free. If you've never tried it, the Skyliner is a gondola transportation system that connects a few of the Disney resorts to Epcot and Hollywood Studios. It honestly feels like a park ride and gives you an incredible view of the Disney grounds, to boot.

We never even had to wait in line, though we never tried to take the Skyliner directly back to our hotel as the parks were closing — it tends to get a little more crowded then.

The monorail isn't quite as fun but is still worth a ride at least once. The boat that goes from Wilderness Lodge to Magic Kingdom is also 100% worth checking out for the novelty, as well. Who needs rollercoasters when you have all this at your fingertips!? You could spend at least half a day just riding Disney's various transportation systems in a big loop.

2. Collecting stickers at Animal Kingdom

Evan Porter/Upworthy

We had a blast at Animal Kingdom, and actually found it to be a more slow paced experience which was nice after a hectic few days. You might think the kids would be dying to go get in line for a ride or beg us to buy them things in the gift shop, but no, they were so thrilled to just walk around and do all the Wilderness Explorers activities: Kids get a little booklet and keep their eyes out for cast members dressed as Rangers, who teach them animal facts or do a guided activity with them before giving them a sticker to keep in their books.

Epcot also has something like this called the Kidcot stations where kids can collect little activity cards from around the "world."

3. Pin trading

If you're willing to invest in buying a Disney pin or two, the kids can have a blast trading with Cast Members at every park. Most gift shops in the parks have a pin trading board where they are obligated to trade with you if you offer!

If your kids like Pokemon cards or any sort of collectible memorabilia, they'll really dig this. We didn't do much trading this time around, but we did snag a few pins and will be ready to swap next time.

4. Spotting characters

Any time we were bussing to and from the parks, my kids would stare out the window and yell every time they saw a new character lining the side of another bus. “Pluto! Minnie! Donald!” They were endlessly entertained, they didn’t even have time to fight or complain about being hungry. Can all of our car rides at home be like this?!

The resorts also have character hunts where the kids can look for hidden cutouts of different characters, snap a selfie with them, and receive a prize — which is priceless entertainment when you're waiting in a front desk check-in line.

5. Magic Band statues

Caveat, this one isn’t technically free because you need a Magic Band (a special bracelet that acts as your park pass, resort room key, and more). But man did we have fun running around the parks looking for the semi-hidden bronze statues!

They’re interactive, so if you walk up to them and do a certain motion with your wrist, your band will buzz or light up in different colors. It sounds simple, but you’d be surprised how much of a kick the kids got out of this. When we found one, we had to drop everything to make our bands light up.

6. Disney Jr. Dance Party

My 9-year-old has tragically aged out of loving the Disney Jr. characters like Vampirina, Fancy Nancy, et al. But my 4-year-old worships the ground that Doc McStuffins walks on, so the entire Disney Jr. area of Hollywood Studios was heaven for her.

The dance party, a show held several times with a day (that usually doesn't get all that crowded), is really hard to describe unless you've done it. Imagine a club in 2001 except filled with toddlers, then swap Lil John for The Chicken Dance and you've pretty much got it. The DJ does an amazing job getting the kids dancing and laughing, characters show up — it's just an amazing time all around and it was one of the most unforgettable experiences of the whole trip for our little one.

7. The fireworks

Any good day at a Disney World park ends with the fireworks show. These are top-notch shows that rival the best New Years Eve displays in most cities, and you can see them pretty well from almost anywhere in the Epcot or Magic Kingdom parks.

OK, full disclosure: Only one of my kids loved this. My youngest one, who has some sensory issues, found them too loud and got scared, even with noise-muffling headphones. Woops! She said she wants to go back to Disney World as soon as possible so she can't be too traumatized.

8. Bedtime stories

In the rooms at the Disney World resorts (and on the Disney Cruises, as well), the TVs have access to tons and tons of Disney content. But my kids can't get enough of the bedtime stories, specifically. They're short, animated picture-book style cartoons that are narrated as if you're having a story read to you. They have them for Frozen, Tangled, Cars, and a few more.

There's just nothing quite like throwing on a bedtime story while we're brushing teeth and winding down from a huge day of fun. It's just so Disney. Now that we've seen all the stories several times, they almost feel nostalgic, like getting a warm hug. If you can finagle some milk and cookies from room service or a dining area, now you're really cooking.

9. The Cast Members

I once heard someone say that the Cast Members are the magic and I have to wholeheartedly agree. Every single person you meet at Disney is so kind, so helpful, and so great with the kids.

For example, we sat down for a quick bite on our first day at the parks and unfortunately had to wait a bit for our food. We had just flown in that day and were already exhausted from walking around, so the kids were getting a little grumpy. While we were waiting, a man who had been cleaning off tables came by and started asking my youngest what she was coloring, asking about the colors, making jokes, and making her laugh.

That's the kind of interaction you'll get almost everywhere you go in Disney and honestly, as someone with young kids, you can't put a price on it. You won't find it anywhere else. In the end, it's really the Cast Members that make parents want to keep coming back despite the costs and crowds.

10. Just being together

This sounds corny and obvious: As a family, we're literally together all the time!

But our regular life is so fast-paced and can get so monotonous. The weeks fly by with early wake-ups, school, soccer practice, quick messy dinners, bath, bedtime, and waking up to do it all over again. We love our life, it's full of joy and love and as much fun as we can possibly cram in to every week. But there's just something amazing about walking away from all the obligations and responsibilities and worries and just enjoying each other on a level we rarely get to.

Sometimes it takes something extreme to break you out of your routines and patterns — like spending a few thousand dollars on a trip to Disney World. But when you're sitting there watching your little one hug Doc McStuffins like she's a real person, and watch your oldest try and fail to be too cool to get a high five from Mickey Mouse, and you're thinking, Damn I love my family — well, that feeling is well worth it. And you don't even need to wait in a long line — or pay through the nose to skip the line — to get it.