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A woman who grew up in foster care explains why the 'adoption not abortion' argument doesn't fly.

A woman who grew up in foster care explains why the 'adoption not abortion' argument doesn't fly.

People who want abortion legally banned frequently argue for adoption as the alternative. But it's not that simple.

Anti-abortion advocates often tout adoption as the natural alternative to abortion, the idea being that those who are pregnant but don't want a baby don't have to keep it. They can go through pregnancy, deliver the baby, and then place the baby into the adoption system.

But there are multiple reasons why adoption isn't the answer to the abortion question. For one, pregnancy and childbirth are major physical and emotional experiences with real medical risks and consequences. Abortion often is, too, but let's not pretend that pregnancy, childbirth, and adoption is a simple alternative—especially when adoption itself is fraught with many of its own complexities and potential for real harm.

It would be nice if it were as simple as delivering a baby into the loving arms of adoptive parents, but it's not. Trauma lies at the heart of many adoption stories—trauma for birth parents as well as the children placed into a system that is overburdened and broken in too many ways.

Olivia Paige grew up in the adoption system, seeing first hand how many kids are failed by it.

As someone who grew up living in multiple foster homes, Olivia Paige took to Facebook to share some insights about the adoption system with everyone who says "Adoption is always an option.":

"Let me start off by reminding you of the 390,000+ children and teens in foster care, 100,000+ of which are waiting to be adopted," she wrote. "Around 50,000 are placed up for adoption each year—these abortion bans are sure to make those numbers grow so let me share some statistics with you.

20% of teens who age out of foster care become instantly homeless, with no support system in place. There is less than a 3% chance that any of these kids will obtain any sort of degree. 25% suffer from PTSD. 1 out of every 2 kids will develop substance abuse problems. Adopted children make up only 2% of children under 18.

What about the rest of them? I'll share what it was like for me, one of the lucky ones. Someone who by no means had it easy, but had just enough love and support to make it out alright."



"The photo attached is an actual flyer that was handed out to prospective adoptive homes for several years through my teens," Paige continued. "I was never adopted. I spent a decade in foster care, bouncing between 'homes' with strangers in places I'd never known before. With no warning, a social worker would show up and tell me I'd have to pack my things (the very few I had) and leave whatever strange place I'd kept myself from getting too comfortable in at the drop of a hat. I had no say in the matter. New school, new unwanted life - overnight. There was never any telling what the next place would be like."

Paige, now 22, said that she lived in a few good places, but that she was physically and sexually abused in two separate foster homes. She'd moved dozens of times by age 18.

"I was hospitalized at 11 years old," she wrote, "due to malnutrition and a swift blow to the head, then lied to the police because I was afraid of what would happen to me if I told the truth about how I got there or why I was covered head to toe in bruises. I learned that speaking up only creates more problems. So I kept my mouth shut.

I watched a foster parent take in 5 special needs children, and a few months later add a deck, new sunroom and hot tub to her house with money from the state. She later lost her license when it as apparent that she was neglecting these children. I've seen these situations over and over, I've also lived them. I spent ten years feeling unworthy of love, unwanted and waiting for the next bad thing to happen to me. This is just the beginning of it all."

Paige emancipated out of the system at 16 and is doing well, but thousands kids in the adoption system are not so lucky.

Paige made it through the system, but the scars of her experiences still linger. Thankfully, she's found a healthy way to cope and express herself through creative photography and self-portraiture.But Paige knows there are tens of thousands of kids who won't be so lucky, which is why she feels so strongly against people using adoption as a "solution" to abortion.


Paige says she took the portrait on the left just after she was emancipated and still felt unseen. "I still felt like I was unable to see the light," she told Upworthy. "It's a very binary image—much like my view of what life was like. It was either good, or bad with no gray areas."i.upworthy.com

"Do you know what it's like to log onto the adoptuskids.org website and see your name and face, year after year?" she wrote. "Knowing that nobody is in your corner. That you have no place to go. Well, I'm glad you don't and you never have to. But those kids you were so adamant about before they were born? A large number of them will.

Are these those 'rights' you were talking about? A life is not saved just by letting it be born.

Not being able to leave your foster home unless escorted by social worker or foster parent? To be unable to live a normal life? To be fully unprepared for adulthood with no safety net or support?

This isn't just *my* reality. This is the reality of hundreds of thousands of children who still face this every day, and the many more who you are signing up for this. A potential lifetime of loneliness, fear, neglect, worry and heartbreak. I dare you to say 'adoption is always an option' to any of the several tens of thousands who have been waiting patiently for years for someone to come along and give them the chance to define the word 'family'."

Some commenters asked kids like Paige if they would prefer to have never born. Their answers might surprise you.

Other people who struggled in the adoption system commented on Paige's post, and a couple of people had the audacity to ask if they'd rather have been aborted.

One person answered that there were times when yes, they'd have preferred that. Another answered that she can't speak for anyone else, but yes, she "sure as hell" would prefer that. Some pointed out that they would never have known, hence it's a dumb question. Paige herself responded, "Yes, I think that a lump of cells being aborted is better than the millions who will be born into a life like this. Absolutely." She said she doesn't wish she were dead, but also reiterated that that wasn't at all the point of her post.

"Forcing mothers to give birth under the guise of some false promise of adoption is wrong, for every party involved," Paige concluded in her post. "Nobody is forcing you to have an abortion, stop making decisions for others and stay out of other people's uteruses. This is the message I am trying to send by sharing my story.

I'll say it again, I'm one of the lucky ones. I'm not sharing this because I want sympathy. I don't need it. But those kids? They do. Their voices are unheard. And soon there will be more out there that your "hopes and prayers" will do nothing for—so please, take action now. Kids should be in homes with families that truly love them. If you're so adamant about kids being born—go through the process and adopt some yourself."

Paige said that if people want to help kids like her, they can join Big Brothers Big Sisters and look into fostering and adopting.

Let's take care of the kids who are here and need parents before pushing more kids to an already overburdened system through restrictive abortion laws.

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Mom took heat for cleaning her teen's bedroom. Her response was a lesson in grace.

She won the #CleanTok controversy.

@organizedchaos4/TikTok

"It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness."

The corner of the internet devoted to grime and muck being scrubbed away to oh-so satisfying perfection, otherwise known as #CleanTok, is mostly wholesome, cathartic fun. But every once in a while, controversy comes in.

For a mom named Audrey (who clearly has a passion for cleaning hacks, given her TikTok handle of @organizedchaos4), that moment came after she filmed herself doing a deep clean on her 12-year-old daughter’s room. Several people chimed in to accuse her of spoiling her kid, essentially.

Granted, Audrey admitted that she had posted the video “hoping that the trolls would get those thumbs a-movin’.” So when they did indeed come after her, she was ready.

“I surprised my daughter by cleaning her room for her. She's been getting herself up for 6 a.m. practices, she gets herself to school, she's out of the house before the rest of us have even woken up,” Audrey says in the clip.

“Keep in mind she's 12. In return for all that she's been doing, I thought it would be a nice treat if I just did a quick speed clean of her room. It was no big deal.”

Audrey goes on to say that the point of her follow-up video was to reiterate the importance of “extending grace.”


@organizedchaos4 When we throw empathy out the window, we throw grace out the window. If you saw the video and your first reaction was to say, “why isn’t she doing it herself?” Ask yourself, “have I EVER left a room messy because I was overwhelmed, tired, busy?” If so, then you are in no position to judge a child for the same thing. #grace #kindness #help #parenting #cleaning #kids #mom ♬ original sound - Organized Chaos | Audrey


That's what I did for my daughter. She had fallen behind on her room and I helped her.,” she says. “It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness. We all have setbacks, we all have failures, we all make mistakes and if you say you don't you're lying. By extending grace we are spreading kindness, we are spreading compassion. If you can't extend grace to your own children then there's no way you're going to extend it to anyone else in the world and that's a scary world to live in.”

Audrey then argues that being kind to others often makes it “easier” to be kind to ourselves, which is “vital for our mental health.”

She then concludes, “so if you watched the video yesterday or you're watching this one today and you're thinking negative thoughts, ask yourself, ‘Am I quick to judge, be resentful, be negative or am I quick to extend grace or ask yourself have I ever stumbled and wish grace had been extended to me?’”

Down in the comments, we see that Audreynis certainly not alone in her thinking.

“Kindness costs nothing and provides everything,” one person wrote.

“This will only inspire your daughter to keep working hard and give back when she has a chance to, and know she can rely on you when she struggles,” added another.

Several other moms even chimed in about doing something similar for their kids.

“Exactly I did the same thing for my 23-year-old daughter who works full-time and is a full-time college student. She’s 100% independent. I just want to take some off stress off her plate,” one mom shared

Another said, “I do this for my daughter still, and it's her house.”

As with all things in parenting, balance is key. Of course we don’t want to instill laziness, but at the same time, kids can’t be expected to overachieve in all areas, at all times. Adults can’t even manage this without a little help. Sounds like this is truly a case of a good kid acting as responsibly as humanly possible, and a mom just wanting to help out where she can, all why'll teaching her the world can be a safe place. Hard to see anything wrong with that.

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Semicolon tattoo: Here's what it means and why it matters.

Photo by The Semicolon Tattoo Project.

A semicolon tattoo


Have you seen anyone with a semicolon tattoo like the one above?

If not, you may not be looking close enough. They're popping up...

Semicolon Tattoo

Semicolon Tattoo

Photo by The Semicolon Tattoo Project.

...everywhere.

Photo by The Semicolon Tattoo Project.

That's right: the semicolon. It's a tattoo that has gained popularity in recent years, but unlike other random or mystifying trends, this one has a serious meaning behind it. (And no, it's not just the mark of a really committed grammar nerd.)

The semicolon tattoo represents mental health struggles and the importance of suicide prevention.


Photo by The Semicolon Tattoo Project.


Project Semicolon was born from a social media movement in 2013.

They describe themselves as a "movement dedicated to presenting hope and love to those who are struggling with depression, suicide, addiction, and self-injury. Project Semicolon exists to encourage, love, and inspire."

But why a semicolon?

"A semicolon is used when an author could've chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life."

Originally created as a day where people were encouraged to draw a semicolon on their bodies and photograph it, it quickly grew into something greater and more permanent. Today, people all over the world are tattooing the mark as a reminder of their struggle, victory, and survival.

Photo by The Semicolon Tattoo Project.

Photos by The Semicolon Tattoo Project.

I spoke with Jenn Brown and Jeremy Jaramillo of The Semicolon Tattoo Project, an organization inspired by the semicolon movement. Along with some friends, Jenn and Jeremy saw an opportunity to both help the community and reduce the stigma around mental illness.

In 2012, over 43 million Americans dealt with a mental illness. Mental illness is not uncommon, yet there is a stigma around it that prevents a lot of people from talking about it — and that's a barrier to getting help.

More conversations that lead to less stigma? Yes please.

"[The tattoo] is a conversation starter," explains Jenn. "People ask what it is and we get to tell them the purpose."

"I think if you see someone's tattoo that you're interested in, that's fair game to start a conversation with someone you don't know," adds Jeremy. "It provides a great opportunity to talk. Tattoos are interesting — marks we put on our bodies that are important to us."

In 2014, The Semicolon Tattoo Project held an event at several tattoo shops where people could get a semicolon tattoo for a flat rate. "That money was a fundraiser for our crisis center," said Jenn. In total, over 400 people received semicolon tattoos in one day. Even better, what began as a local event has spread far and wide, and people all over the world are getting semicolon tattoos.

And it's not just about the conversation — it's about providing tangible support and help too.

Jenn and Jeremy work with the Agora Crisis Center. Founded in 1970, it's one of the oldest crisis centers in the country. Through The Semicolon Tattoo Project, they've been able to connect even more people with the help they need during times of crisis. (If you need someone to talk to, scroll to the end of the article for the center's contact information.)

So next time you see this small punctuation tattoo, remember the words of Upworthy writer Parker Molloy:

"I recently decided to get a semicolon tattoo. Not because it's trendy (though, it certainly seems to be at the moment), but because it's a reminder of the things I've overcome in my life. I've dealt with anxiety, depression, and gender dysphoria for the better part of my life, and at times, that led me down a path that included self-harm and suicide attempts.

But here I am, years later, finally fitting the pieces of my life together in a way I never thought they could before. The semicolon (and the message that goes along with it) is a reminder that I've faced dark times, but I'm still here."

No matter how we get there, the end result is so important: help and support for more people to also be able to say " I'm still here."

If you want to see more incredible semicolon tattoos, check out nine photos and stories that our readers shared with us!


This article was written by Laura Willard and originally appeared on 7.7.15

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Woman fights to give her baby a name that her husband says is 'abusive'

Some traditions just don't feel right in 2024.

via Tima Miroshnichenko/Pexels

A family fights over a baby name.

When it comes to parenting, the second most important decision—after whether to have a child or not—is choosing a name for the kid. Even though we live in times where parents are getting more and more creative about picking a name for their children, those with a more common name have a greater chance of being socially accepted than those without.

According to Psychology Today, grade-school kids with highly unusual names or names with negative associations tend to be “less popular” than those with more “desirable” names. Later in life, people with “unpopular or unattractive” names have more difficulty finding romantic partners.

A 23-year-old mother-to-be wanted to name her son Gaylord and had her family's full, passionate support, but her husband, 24, and his side of the family were firmly against the idea. The woman was looking for validation and posted about the dilemma on Reddit's AITA forum.

“In my family, our genealogy is extremely important. The firstborn son since the 1800's has been given this name. I'm well aware it's a stigmatized name today, so that's why I have agreed to using a short form,” the woman wrote.

Understanding that her son would be bullied for being called Gaylord, she decided that it would be his legal first name, but could go by Gail. Her family believed that it was acceptable for him to be known as Gail initially, but as society grows more tolerant, will be called Gaylord when he gets older.

“They see the backlash over the name today as a fad that will eventually disappear, and I agree seeing how accepting each generation tends to become,” she continued. “When society stops being so immature about it, he can start using the full name.”

The father wouldn’t even consider naming his son Gaylord, or Gail, for that matter. His family went a step further and said that naming him Gaylord or Gail would be “abusive.”

"My in-laws are telling me that even Gail isn't an acceptable boy's name and that I need to 'get with the times' and choose something more appropriate," she continued. “What happened to respecting our elders and traditions? His family doesn't have any naming traditions, so it should fall to my family that does. How could I be expected to break a centuries-old family tradition?”

The commenters were overwhelmingly against the mother’s decision.

"Use your imagination. A boy named Gaylord goes to his first day of school. The teacher does the roll call. ‘GAYLORD SMITH?’ Class breaks into giggles. Embarrassed boy says, ‘It's Gail.’ Class giggles some more, since Gail is usually a girl's name. Boy has no chance of fitting in with his classmates. His fate is sealed. He is a social pariah for life. Don't do this to him. Please,” one user wrote.

"Your name is the first thing people know about you. It’s the cover page of how people perceive you. Even if you think Gaylord will just appear on the birth certificate, you’re wrong. His legal name will have to be used on official documents, at school, on his license and passport. It will appear at the top of every resume he hands out. It’s not as simple as putting a name on paper. It’s how he is going to appear to the whole world. Gaylord is totally stigmatized and has been for decades. It’s not going away, sorry." Elinbeth added.

“Some traditions reach the point where they are no longer suitable for modern times. This is 100% that time. Pick another name," CashieBashie wrote.

After the post went viral, the mother shared that both sides of the family have tentatively agreed on a name.

“We managed to work out that Gale Gaylord would be a reasonable compromise, with Gale being the complete first name, and Gaylord being the middle name,” the woman wrote. “My husband can then add a second middle name after Gaylord if he wants. Grandpa is especially not impressed that it's being demoted to a middle name, but he did say he understands the pressure I'm facing here.”


This article originally appeared on 2.14.24

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Terrified, emaciated dog comes to life as volunteer sits with him for human connection

He tries making himself so small in the kennel until he realizes he's safe.

Rocky Kanaka|YouTube

Terrified dog transforms after human sits with him.

There's something about dogs that makes people just want to cuddle them. They have some of the sweetest faces with big curious eyes that make them almost look cartoonish at times. But not all dogs get humans that want to snuggle up with them on cold nights; some dogs are neglected or abandoned. That's where animal shelters come in, and they work diligently to take care of any medical needs and find these animals loving homes.

Volunteers are essential to animal shelters running effectively to fill in the gaps employees may not have time for. Rocky Kanaka has been volunteering to sit with dogs to provide comfort. Recently he uploaded a video of an extremely emaciated Vizsla mix that was doing his best to make himself as small as possible in the corner of the kennel.

Kanaka immediately wanted to help him adjust so he would feel comfortable enough to eat and eventually get adopted. The dog appeared scared of his new location and had actually rubbed his nose raw from anxiety, but everything changed when Kanaka came along.

The volunteer slowly entered the kennel with the terrified dog, crouching on his knees for an easy escape if needed. But the dog attempted to essentially become invisible by avoiding eye contact and staying curled in a tiny ball. It seemed like it was going to take a long time for this nervous pup to warm up.

Before long, he's offered a treat. Success! The brown dog takes the treat, and as minutes pass you can see his body slowly relax, eventually coming to sit directly next to Kanaka for pets. In the few minutes of the video, you see such an amazing transformation that proves this little guy just needed some love.

"It was so cute when he started wagging his tail. You could tell his whole demeanor just changed, and he was happy. Just a few kind words and a little attention. That’s all animals need. Well, besides food. Lol," one commenter says.

"That moment when he starts to realize he's actually safe. That gradual tail wag, and the ears perking, the eyes lighting up. You don't have to be an expert to show an animal love and respect," another writes.

"After that first treat his entire demeanor changed. He went from not trusting you to thinking you may be kind and he could feel less stressed. That was really amazing to see," someone gushes.

This sweet scared dog just needed human connection by someone taking the time to sit with him to know he was safe. Once he was sure the shelter was a safe place, the dog even welcomed those who came to visit him after seeing the video.

"I went to the shelter today to visit 'Bear'! Everyone would be thrilled to hear that he seems very happy and energetic! He has a little red squeaky bone toy that he loves. He licked my hand immediately and rubbed his head on my legs and arms, eager for affection. What a sweetheart," a commenter writes.

Thanks to Kanaka's sweet gesture, the dog, now named Shadow Moon, was adopted and is now living his best life with his new human dad and husky brother. You can follow Shadow Moon's journey on his Instagram page.


This article originally appeared on 12.1.23

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Texas judge has perfect response to young man charged with marijuana possession

"Wait, wait, he did what?"

Photo credit: Canva

Texas Judge's unexpected response to man arrested for marijuana possession

Many courtrooms nowadays have cameras inside of them. You can watch court proceedings on channels like "Court TV" and "Law & Crime" or live stream it on social media apps whether you know the people involved in the case or not. Most of the time people don't pay much attention to televised court proceedings unless it involves a celebrity like the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial or the Young Thug trial happening in Georgia.

But there's a niche for court proceedings or else shows like Judge Judy and Divorce Court wouldn't exist. People tend to gravitate to the drama of it all. Watching someone get chewed out by a judge when it's clear the person was in the wrong can be satisfying but it's also faith restoring when you see a judge use their powers to protect someone being treated unfairly.

Texas Judge David Fleischer has gone viral multiple times for his passion and ability to quickly recognize when someone brought before his court is being treated unfairly.

In a recent case that was recorded and uploaded to social media, Judge Fleischer has a young Black man, Darius Blake in his court room that was charged with possession of marijuana. Blake was stopped by the police for jay walking where they allegedly could smell the presence of marijuana odor.

Red Eyes Smoking GIF by Sealed With A GIFGiphy

The officers use this smell as a reason to physically search Blake, resulting in them allegedly finding an illegal amount of marijuana on him. The arresting officers likely thought they had a pretty clear case to get the man sentenced but Judge Fleischer did not see things their way.

"Wait, wait. He did what," the judge says before someone off screen explains that the man "crossed an unauthorized walking point."

The judge responds, "was he jaywalking?" After the person confirms Judge Fleischer shakes his head saying, "walking while Black." As the person off screen continues reading the reason for the charges, the judge interrupts him, "I don't think so. Walking while Black. I don't think so. I'm gonna find no probable cause."

@lulusrescue This judge is so fair and always no bs. I love how he cares for those who are infeint lf him #judge#law#nobs #enforcement #fyp#viral#money#ect ♬ original sound - lulusrescue

He then focuses his attention to the defendant to provide some advice, "Mr. Blake, be careful man. You know the world is against you. Don't let 'em be. Do something with your life."

In another video that went viral, 19-year-old Zion Abiola was in front of Judge Fleischer for evading arrest and unlawful carrying of a weapon after officers found him and a friend walking out of a park. According to the officers they allegedly observed him touching near his waistband and decided to conduct a search which resulted in the teen running. It was while running that the officers say a gun fell from his waistband.

Arresting Under Arrest GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy

Once again the judge was unimpressed by the police officers probable cause for search, "here's the rub, what's he doing? Walking while Black? What's he doing? What's he doing wrong? Was he under arrest? I mean, all I see is that they go up to him and they just start searching, right? Walking while Black."

Statistically Black people are five times more likely to report being unjustly stopped by the police than white people and are four times more likely to be admitted to jail with a slightly longer sentence. According to the University of Michigan, Black Americans are seven times more likely to be wrongly convicted than white Americans and make up 53% of exonerations. So Judge Fleischer isn't showing favor to the Black defendants in his courtroom, instead he seems to be course correcting the overzealousness of the arresting officers in those cases.

Season 1 Episode 6 GIF by The Fresh Prince of Bel-AirGiphy

While it may make people feel all fuzzy to see the judge digging deeper before hearing cases to catch racial disparities, he's gotten stern calling out defendants poor behavior that landed them in his courtroom. When a man came before him for a theft charge, Judge Fleischer had a different approach.

"You know you're smiling like you're having like having a good time, little bunnies jumping in the woods. This is not a happy moment for you Mr. Garcia, you know, because you have a lot to lose. Have you been to the pen before," the judge asks before continuing. "Which means they can continually enhance you, perhaps to even a five to life if you steal a pack of freaking gum. Your attitude tells me a lot. Tells me how much you think of this but you know it's all fun and games until someone gets a 15 year sentence and that's the problem."

Though Judge Fleischer's tone was different, he accepted the plea offered sentencing him to time served but not before reminding him again about the consequences if he is arrested in the future. Very rarely do Americans get to hear about judges taking the whole person, their circumstances and systemic issues into consideration while presiding over cases so seeing Judge Fleischer seemingly provide fair treatment to defendants resonates with people. Maybe in the future this will be the standard occurrence and not an anomaly.

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