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People discuss brutally honest reasons why so many Boomer grandparents seem to be hands-off

"They were also pretty hands off as parents, too."

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People offer their theories on why Boomer grandparents are more absent.

Boomer grandparents have recently come under fire by their Millennial children for how they grandparent. Many Millennials have opened up online about their parents' less-than-stellar help with grandkids and their overall absence.

In a Reddit forum discussing the differences between generations, user @No_Language_423 posed the question: "Why are so many Boomer grandparents hands-off?" They went on to add, "Genuinely curious about this. Why is it that so many Boomer grandparents seem completely uninterested in being involved or helping out with their grandkids in a real, consistent way?"

In a further explanation, they added, "From what I’ve seen and heard, a lot of Boomers actually did have active, supportive parents when they were raising their own kids. Their moms would babysit, cook, or even move nearby to help out. But now, when Millennials become parents and hope for that same kind of support, it’s like even asking is seen as too much. Some even act insulted by the idea."

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However, they also noted this description of Boomer grandparents can't be generalized. They added, "Of course, there are outliers. I’m not talking about the people who comment, 'Well I help my kids all the time.' That’s great, but I’m noticing a pattern, not isolated cases. There seems to be a broader generational vibe around this. It doesn’t feel like a case-by-case thing, it feels like a shift in attitude."

They ended their post with more pondering thoughts. "At the same time, I hear a lot of Millennial parents saying they already plan to be very involved grandparents someday. So what changed? Is it a cultural shift? A difference in how retirement is viewed? Or maybe Boomers didn’t get as much help as we assume? Curious to hear what others think, especially from people who’ve experienced this dynamic firsthand."

Many people chimed in with their thoughts and firsthand experience as to why Boomer grandparents seem to be hands-off. These are 15 of the most compelling responses.

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"The parents of boomers didn’t call their kids boomers; they called them the ME generation. Because it was all about them. They’re the ME generation." —@BEniceBAGECKA

"They were also pretty hands off as parents, too."—@ azulsonador0309

"Their moms were 23 when they had kids. Their kids were 23 when they had kids. Grandma was 46. Today’s grandmas are in their sixties. They have a hard time getting through the day without their own naps." —@Ok_Membership7264

"My theory is that it's related to people having kids later in life. The grandparents are older on average." —@nineoctopii

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"It's because they had children because 'that's what's done,' not because they actually wanted them. Now that they're 'free,' they aren't going to give that up for anything. Notice how they are also distant with their own kids. It's not like they're interested in their kids, but not the grandkids. They want nothing to do with any of it." —@ExcellentCold7354

"I'm 56. Most 56 year olds these days still have full time jobs and other responsibilities to where babysitting and moving are not viable options." —@shammy_dammy

"Have you met Gen X? They were feral kids for a reason. The boomers could barely be bothered to raise their own children. They certainly aren't going to be stepping up for the grandkids." —@gwenkane404

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"Millennials have also changed. Every time I offer to help, I get a scroll of instructions, gluten-free snacks, feelings charts, and nap negotiations that last longer than peace talks. Any small deviation is treated like trauma. It’s exhausting." —@Revolutionary-Buy655

"I'm a millennial with Boomer parents. My parents were pretty hands off when I was a child, so it's not surprising they were hands-off with their grandchildren. My parents dropped me off with my grandparents for weekends so frequently that I had my own bedroom there. I plan to be an involved grandparent because I value the relationship I had with my own grandparents so much. I feel sorry for the Boomers. They don't realize how much they are missing out on by focusing on themselves." —@CandidateNo2731

"They were sold the idea of retirement their entire lives. And now they feel entitled to that instead of adjusting with the times. They’re loss, historically." —@rollbackprices

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"I think part of the answer is because a lot of them didn’t really want to have kids in the first place. But back then it’s just what you did. You got married at 20 and started popping out babies shortly after. If you didn’t, you were an abomination to the family." —@Screamcheese99

"We are older than the previous generation's grandparents. Believe it. Being 60+ and trying to care for toddlers is hard! Also, despite our experience and knowledge, we are often given ridiculous instructions and rules to follow by our own children, along with lists of likes/dislikes to adhere to. They expect entertainment in ways we are just not able to provide. Personal example from my attempt at babysitting my grandchild: I literally have not moved the car seat, that she installed, even an inch, but my DIL huffs, sighs, makes comments when getting her out of it. I am nice enough to drive her to her job to shorten their commute home, but I even do that wrong. So, forget it. I tried." —@TXteachr2018

"I think its because we live so far away from each other." —@Apprehensive_Pie_105

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"Hmm. I feel like the sense of community is gone. Starting with the Boomers in my family they emigrated to the US and scattered away from each other. States away from each other they had no support system and worked themselves ragged. There wasn’t really a village to help raise a child. Now that they are retired it’s like having a second chance at life and they don’t want to spend it watching kids. They want to pursue their hobbies and relax which I honestly don’t blame them." —@KorraNHaru

"Many Boomers (not all! so don't come for me lol) have deep, untreated trauma and mental health issues. Many are even very detached from their own existences at this point. Narcissistic traits are common among them, which is based in deep self-loathing. I think deep down a lot of them feel ashamed of how they raised their kids and don't want to mess up their grandkids as well." —@Arysta

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Culture

Gen Xers and Boomers discuss the eye-opening aging warning signs no one warned them about

"That eventually you will end up in that CVS aisle you always skipped because it didn’t pertain to you."

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Gen X and Boomers share unexpected signs of aging.

No one can speak on the truths about aging quite like Boomers (those born 1946 to 1964) or Gen X (those born 1965 to 1980). With years of life under their belt, they possess rare wisdom and insight into what it's like to really get old.

Over on Reddit, user @Knightress04 posed the following question to Boomers and Gen Xers on the hilariously named /AskOldPeople channel: "What’s something about aging that no one warned you about, but you wish they had?"

The responses did not hold back. Gen Xers and Boomers opened up about their first-hand experiences and let their opinions flow. These are the best responses to the warning signs about aging from Gen Xers and Boomers, including the good, the bad, and the ugly:

"The slow loss of everything, your abilities, your health, your friends, relatives, places you loved, etc. Just the eroding away of everything." —@ BreadfruitOk6160

"All the loss you endure." —@southerndude42

"I wish they had warned me that it's OKAY 'not to do anything' when you retire. My husband and I have been retired about two years now, and it's been wonderful. But we're not jetting around the world. We are just relaxing, enjoying being home. And that's okay, it doesn't mean we have a worse life now." —@slenderella148

"The invisibility." —@TimeSurround5715

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"Aches and pains don’t go away in a day. Sometimes it takes a week." —@OscarTravolta

"Start appreciating the smallest things… like a quiet morning, or when a friend texts u a meme outta nowhere. those tiny moments hit diff now." —@quietswoon

"It’s so much harder to gain muscle once you age." —@GroundAndSound

"That eventually you will end up in that CVS aisle you always skipped because it didn’t pertain to you." —@IntentionAromatic523

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"How fast time goes by. I was 21 yesterday. Now I'm 69. Time went by way to quickly." —@Dry-Cause2061

"That I would feel this great. And content. And so much more in love with my SO, decade after decade. That there would be as much joy in walking fast laps as there was in running full court basketball. That for all the travail I've had a wonderful life. That it would become so easy to understand Robinson Jeffers:"

Still the mind smiles at its own rebellions,
Knowing all the while that civilization and the other evils
That make humanity ridiculous, remain
Beautiful in the whole fabric, excesses that balance each other
Like the paired wings of a flying bird."

—@Own-Animator-7526

"All the napping! I've never needed so many naps..." —@Familiar_Collar_78

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"Menopause. I knew so little about it beyond hot flashes, but what absolutely NOBODY told me was: after 40+ years of mostly painful, heavy periods, it is a GLORIOUS feeling not to have a period anymore. 🙌 I especially love the freedom of being able to travel without having to calculate whether I’d need to pack extra products and underwear. (Thank God my agony came pretty much like clockwork every 28 days. 🙄)." —@Technical-Bit-4801

"Death, there are fewer & fewer people that know who you really are & where you came from. I've these parts of my life I shared with friends, & they're dead now. It's a strange feeling, when I'm gone it'll be like those moments never happened. The loss of shared experiences, I guess. It's nothing terribly important, or even very impactful, it's just slightly sad." —@Inside_Ad_7162

"How precious time will feel. Every moment matters to me now and I have no patience for squandering it. I consider myself very laid back but if there is anything that will trigger me, it's someone wasting my time. Feels like they're stealing my most precious resource." —@PicoRascar

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"As a male. The crazy ear and nose hairs that grow." —@Mikethemechanic00

"Late sixties. ....something about aging no one warned about? sounds like it's gotta be something bad. I wasn't warned about how independent, footloose and fancy free I'd feel once all work and family commitments and obligations were fulfilled. And I can be cantankerous whenever I wanna be. Most folks get warned about long term health consequences but it is difficult to overcome the insidious long-term ill-health consequences of commercial, corporate, processed, fast food pressures and convenience. way too much is spent on consequences of poor health and not enough on prevention and education --- imho." —@Buzzhoops

"The sensitivity. I have always been a very sensitive person who feels things deeply. But I'm also GenX so calloused, but lord a mercy if middle-age hasn't turned me into a crybaby. I swear I never used to cry so much." —@earthgarden

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"That regularly putting money into savings or a retirement account is as important as brushing your teeth every day." —@InternalAcrobatic216

"When you hear a song or band from your youth that you absolutely hated because they were so cheesy and god-awful bad, but now when you hear it.. it brings back smiles and memories…. that’s the cleansing power of Nostalgia!" —@Hillman314

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Culture

People from Generation Jones explain their major cultural differences with Boomers

"Think of us as a generation that got the tail end of the party but had to clean up the mess."

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Generation Jones points out the biggest cultural differences between them and Boomers.

Generation Jones, people born from 1954-1964, is considered a 'micro-generation' between Boomers and Generation X. Though typically lumped in with Boomers, there are some pretty distinct differences between them.

In an online community of Generation Jones-ers, a member named @WalkingHorse, prompted those in Generation Jones to discuss how their upbringing differed from Boomers in a post titled "What is and who are Generation Jones. Step inside...".

"We're often described as pragmatic idealists—raised on big dreams but tempered by economic recessions and a sense of lowered expectations compared to the Boomers’ post-war prosperity," they wrote. "Think of us a generation that got the tail end of the party but had to clean up the mess."

It inspired many Generation Jones members to share their thoughts and opinions. These are some of the major cultural differences those in Generation Jones have with Boomers:

"We were too young to fully participate in the counterculture of the '60s but old enough to feel its aftershocks." —@WalkingHorse

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Gen Jones men also signed up for the selective service, but were not drafted as the Vietnam war had ended." —@tedshreddon

"Boomers had Elvis and The Beatles. We had Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd." —@Scr33ble

"First teenage generation to experience the Space Shuttle launch. First teen generation to watch music videos in between movies on cable TV then the birth of MTV. We laughed when hearing that golf obsessed President Gerald Ford would routinely slice or hook a ball into a crowd of spectators. Then laugh at Chevy Chase for mimicking our clumsy commander in Chief. We watched our parents go through the fuel rationing days where you could only buy gas for you car if the last digit on the plate was an odd or even number. We counted days along with the media on how long the Iran hostages were being held. We lost John Lennon while not in that sweet spot age to have experienced the musical British Invasion of the 60’s. Instead, MTV opened to floodgates to the Brit-pop invasion of Duran Duran followed closely by big hair, neon clothing and wondering why saying ‘too hip’ was all that and a bag of chips. Best part was that college tuition was sorta affordable." —@contrivancedevice

"Not mentioned yet, but we were present for the rise of gay rights. Went to my first gay bar at 19. Music, especially Disco, was infused with pride and acceptance and coming out. 'We are Family', 'I’m Coming Out'. Queen and the Village People, etc. The rise of 'women’s music' like Holly Near and Chris Williamson. Activists like Harvey Milk and later ACT UP. We were young adults when AIDS hit and the fight for treatment led to a huge wave of coming out. We lost a whole generation of gay men to that plague. 😢" —@BldrJanet

"Boomers remember where they were when President Kennedy died. We remember where we were when John Lennon died." —@KJPratt

"Musically speaking, I think we were blessed. Our musical heyday had everything. Our moms played Elvis the king on the radio, and we had Elvis Costello. The Stones and The Who transverse generations. We are old enough to remember Joan Baez and Bob Dylan pre-Chalamet, not to mention Freddie and Elton before their bio-pics. And Johnny Cash too. And shout out to the poster girl of the 80’s Cyndi Lauper (I got special love for her as a race tracker cause she walked hots at Belmont Park.)" —@Binky-Answer896

"We gave a hoot, and didn’t pollute!" —@Awkwardimplemet698

"We are the generation that got to see the war every evening at dinner 'live via satellite'. —@blurtlebaby

"Think: 45s—albums—-8 tracks—cassettes—-CDs—-Streaming! I’ve had the Rolling Stones on all!" —@NOLALaura

"I always said that I experienced it all...born in 1957. I listened to my older siblings music. I stole my sisters Woodstock album when she went off to college. I still have it. I recall all the assassinations from JFK and MLK.I saw RFK being killed on live tv.(at least I think I did), I remember the chaos of the Vietnam war, the Chicago riots, the Nixon mess. I recall the beginning of the environmental fight, Sesame Street and the moon launch. Computers, and floppy discs, cell phones that came in small cases that would plug into the car. So much good stuff. So much chaos." —@mammaV55

"There’s a sure way to know if you’re Gen J. Were you deadly afraid of quicksand?!" —@NOLALaura

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The 14 ways Gen Z aligns itself more with older boomers than millennials

They may have different values, but they share other things in common.

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Gen Z compares themselves more to Boomers than Millennials.

Generation Z (those born between 1997 and 2012) was described by Stanford University scholar Roberta Katz as "typically self-driven, collaborative, and diverse-minded. They value flexibility, authenticity, and a pragmatic approach to addressing problems." And according to Gen Zers themselves, they are finding that they have more in common with their Boomer elders than Millennials.

In an online forum discussing the similarities and differences that Gen Z has to Boomers and Millennials, member @Karma_Circus shared their thoughts: "There’s obviously a difference in values, but in terms of attitude, behavior, and general vibe, Gen Z actually shares more with Boomers than they do with Millennials," they wrote, before sharing similarities they noted between them.

They gave a strong argument, and added," I’m obviously not saying all Gen Z or Boomers as individuals are the same. But taking the tropes, clichés, and general vibe you get from each generation… if you strip away the aesthetics and politics, Gen Z sometimes feels like Boomer 2.0. Just younger, sassier and with better skincare routines."

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Many Gen Zers agreed, adding their two cents about why they think they have more in common with Boomers than Millennials. Here are 14 reasons Gen Z feels more similar to Boomers than Millennials.

"They’re kind of isolationist. Gen Z seems more withdrawn. They value alone time and don’t love socializing outside their comfort zone." —@Karma_Circus

"Neither are great at emotional communication in person. Gen Z often struggles to express feelings face-to-face. They shut down or avoid important conversations entirely. Kinda Boomer-ish, right? Different reasons, similar result." —@Karma_Circus

"Rigid belief systems. Gen Z tends to adopt strong, black-and-white views—much like Boomers clinging to fixed worldviews. There’s less room for nuance or gray areas." —@Karma_Circus

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"Both love secondhand outrage. There’s a shared grumpiness. Gen Z gets fired up over stuff that doesn’t affect them directly. Boomers did the same - just with a different set of values." —@Karma_Circus

"Societal rule enforcement. Gen Z is big on calling people out for breaking unspoken social rules. Boomers loved rules too - just old-school ones. And this really shows up on social media." —@Karma_Circus

"Chronically online. Boomers are Facebook addicts, Gen Z are TikTok addicts. Different platforms, same result: constant outrage and a worldview shaped by the algorithm." —@Karma_Circus

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"Both think Millennials are cringey. Boomers and Gen Z hate looking stupid. Millennials didn’t have that luxury - they grew up online, testing boundaries to figure out what was 'too far.' Gen Z is way more self-aware and peer-policed, so they play it safe. Boomers just call this 'dignity.'" —@Karma_Circus

"That little box exposed us to ideas and worldviews that would otherwise be outside the confines of our city or village. Echo chambers are one point I concur on. If that's because some of Gen Z wants that chamber or if it's due to the algorithm remains to be seen." —@QuintenCK

"Our generation tends to shun anti-social behavior more, and I'm also guilty of doing this deliberately. The difference is that we shun a lot less based on who you are (for example being black, gay etc...) and more because of what your actions are. We like authenticity, good faith attempts and heavily dislike attention seeking and two faced intentions (for example companies appealing to queer people during pride month for solely profit driven motivations, they don't give a f*ck about queer people)." —@QuintenCK

"Boomers now and boomers in their youth are completely different. The Boomers had the summer of love, anti Vietnam protests, cultural revolution and civil rights movement. Unfortunately as they settled down in their 40’s and 50’s they were captured by media and turned back into the squares they used to fight against. Gen Z is similarly being manipulated by social media algorithms which tend to skew toward outrage and more and more right leaning ideals." —@gwdope

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"If anything, you could consider gen z boomers 2.0, except with memes and anxiety and without the real estate. Similar behaviors can have different motivations, which changes how we interpret them."—@ kfijatass

"Well, there's a reason why they are called zoomers." —@euromoneyz

" Gen X just sittin' back watching it all unfold." —@hopelesscaribou

"if you ain't boomin you best be zoomin." —@100fronds

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