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Modern Families

Mom calls out unfair 'double standard' of boomer grandparents who don't help with childcare

"I love my mom dearly, but I'm surprised at how little effort she puts in."

A stressed mom and her happy, busy parents.

As far as generational stereotypes go, baby boomers (1946 to 1964) have often been accused of being a self-absorbed generation that has had no problem hoarding wealth, disregarding the environment, and prioritizing their own interests over their families. After all, they’re the generation that predominantly raised Gen X (1965 to 1980) and older millennials ('80s babies), also known as Gen Goonie, who were the least parented group of people in decades.

It’s unfair to paint an entire generation with the same brush. Still, the people who were once called the “Me Generation” are developing a reputation for being less involved in their grandchildren’s lives than their parents. The different grandparenting styles have been attributed to the fact that boomers worked longer and therefore want to enjoy their retirement. They also have more money than their parents to enjoy traveling and pursuing their hobbies. Those looking to take shots at boomers claim that they didn’t put a lot of effort into raising their kids, so why would they be any different with their grandkids?

boomers, grandparents, absentee grandparents, milennials, grandpa, grandmaBaby boomer grandparents.via Canva/Photos

A mother of one, who goes by TheCalmQuail on Mumsnet (a UK-based mothers' forum), made a controversial post, calling out a significant double standard when it comes to boomers. They had no problem having their parents help raise their kids, but they don’t want to extend the same courtesy to their children.

“It's come up in a few conversations with other parents recently about how little time their parents spend with their children, especially in comparison to when they were younger and at their grandparents' daily,” CalmQuail wrote. “Myself included, I avoided nursery completely when my mother went back to work because free daily childcare from a relative, and some of my happiest regular memories are spending regular one-on-one time with my Nana.”

“I realise grandparents are entitled to their own lives, but the lack of help does seem like double standards, when a large majority have seemingly had so much help themselves,” she continued.

stressed mom, young mom, stressed millennial, woman hands on her head, woman on couchA stressed mom with her head in her hands.via Canva/Photos

CalmQuail added that her mother lives up the road from her but still finds excuses not to help our child or even spend time with her kid. “It often feels like she's an extra toddler, as I have to suggest stuff to tempt her to do anything together; I manage the logistics, drive her there, etc. She will be there for emergency childcare requests when possible,” she continued. At the end of her post, she asked whether she was being unreasonable for thinking that her parents should put as much effort into raising their grandchildren as they had put into raising their parents.

The verdict: 68% thought she was NOT being unreasonable, and 32% felt that she was being unreasonable. Therefore, a majority of parents on the forum believe that Baby Boomers have the same responsibility to their grandchildren as the Silent Generation (1928 to 1945) did to theirs.

Many parents on the forum have experienced similar situations with their boomer parents and have given them a little grace by acknowledging that their grandparents didn’t have many resources or retirement expectations, so they dedicated their energy to their families.

stressed woman, tired mom, woman doing laundry, woman needs help, crying woman, folding laundryA stressed mom doing laundry.via Canva/Photos

“I know this will turn into a boomer bashing thread but my experience is my parents and their friends are early retirees with a fair bit of cash and feel they’ve earnt a nice easy long comfortable retirement (they have worked hard but only the same as us except we can’t afford a nanny, cleaner etc like they did…).so they’re busy on holidays, golfing, socialising,” a commenter wrote. “My grandparents were typical of their generation—very hard working, modest life, and incredibly family orientated, they had us every holiday.”

“I don’t think my grandparents had much in the way of expectations of retirement,” another commenter added. “They retired relatively early by today’s standards, and lived far longer than they expected. There wasn’t much of a sense of ‘enjoying your retirement’ by jetting off around the world or pursuing personal hobbies - they were always there and available.”

Ultimately, there’s nothing wrong with baby boomers enjoying their retirement, but their children have a right to feel a bit miffed by the shift in grandparenting priorities. As times change, so do expectations, but why does it feel like younger people are always getting the short end of the stick when it comes to life's necessities, such as childcare and the cost of living? Unfortunately, so many younger people feel like they have to go it alone. However, kudos to the boomer grandparents who do help out with childcare, just as their parents did. As they say, it takes a village to raise a child, and these days, our villages need to be growing instead of shrinking.

Parenting

Confused Boomer grandparents don't get 'Bluey.' 15 fans and parents set them straight.

"My mom finally is getting that Bluey is a girl even though 'she’s blue'. So that’s good."

Image via Wikipedia/Canva

Parents explain why Boomer grandparents are not Bluey fans.

Australian kids cartoon show Bluey has found a loyal audience in kids and adults alike. Although Bluey was created for kids ages five to seven, it has connected with Gen Z and Millennial parents (as well as childless adults, young adults, and teens) who claim it has helped them heal their inner child.

But the beloved animated show seems to fall short among one demographic: Boomer grandparents. In a discussion among dads in r/Daddit, one impassioned parent posed the question: "How do other grandparents feel about Bluey?"

He explains his family's dynamic, and how his kids' grandparents seem to not fully 'get it.' "I know bandit is our guiding light and that the show gives our generation everything we felt we lacked in our childhood, but was curious to find it didn’t have the same affect on my parents. One of the kids’ grandmas refuses to acknowledge emotion in the show. During emotional bits she would say things like, 'that’s a nice looking plant'," he writes. "Other grandma watched the first two episodes and thinks the show promotes bad behavior - mostly how mean they are to bandit. Granddads don’t really participate in that kind of 'play' with the kids. How does your older generation feel about the show?"

In response, 15 Bluey fans and parents expressed their funny and relatable thoughts on why the show misses the mark with grandparents.

1. "My mom finally is getting that bluey is a girl even though 'she’s blue'. So that’s good." – guitarguywh89

2. "My mum thought it was ageist because of the kids playing grannies lol." – th3whistler

3. "I often wonder how many of the people who 'don't like Bluey' are just being insecure about how they parent/have parented. I mean, there are probably some people who legit just don’t enjoy it, but I mean c‘mon its like the sweetest show ever." – nolte100

Bluey, blue and bingo, kids show, cartoon, kidsWave Hello GIF by BlueyGiphy

4. "The in-laws who all they ever wanted was grandkids don’t understand Bluey and many of the other shows. They always comment on how kids don’t behave like they used to. Then we have to remind them we would be in jail if we smacked around kids like they used to so it was easy to have kids that abide. Teaching versus being scared is much tougher. I take it, it is their insecurity that they don’t follow Bluey and Daniel Tiger, and particularly my MIL takes it as disrespecting how they did things. We just remind them the world has changed and what they wanted in the end was for their kids to be better off than they were. Isn’t that goal of everything, be it monetarily, physically, mentally, and especially in their health." – We-Going-Sizzler

5. "I love bluey and I try to emulate bandit as much as possible. My boomer parents have literally said that they don’t understand the show. They are completely out of touch. Gentle parenting is not even on their radar. It actually makes sense tho. Kinda sad." – peaceloveandapostacy

6. "Yeahhh my parents were just scratching their heads over 'Duck Cake.' Like the hyper authoritarian 'ohhh she’d be cleaning up her mess in THIS house! Hurr durr' like they did not get that the point is to make your kids understand that it is inherently good to help others (and makes us feel good too!). Nope! Not enough discipline. Explains a lot about them, actually." – Altruistic-Ratio6690

Bluey, Bandit, life lessons, parenting, kids showFathers Day Hug GIF by BlueyGiphy

7. "My parents are from the former Soviet Union. They think all children's programming is hot garbage if its not old school Russian cartoons from 80's or older. Only exception is Masha and the Bear. As others have said, they are not the demographic and luckily for our kiddos, we like the show, so that's all that matters." – St33lB3rz3rk3r

8. "My dad really struggled with the play bits. We watched the first episode with him (with the xylophone) and he just couldn’t parse that the xylophone wasnt magic and that it was all make believe. I think he just couldn’t wrap his head around a kids show that was just about kids playing and not something more fantastical. Which makes sense when compared to the 80s/90s cartoons we watched. That said if his little princesses like it he’s in lol." – DeliriousPrecarious

9. "A lot of the older generation got warped on harsh discipline and my way of the highway nonsense. The show may not translate for them, but they’re not the demographic." – AsItIs


Bluey, Blue balloon, parade, parents, kids, popular showMacys Parade Bluey GIF by The 96th Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Giphy

10. "In a way, the show is actually a bit of an indictment on their way of parenting. Since, ya know, it models opposite behavior." – defnotajournalist

11. "My wife's mother feels that the show promotes 'cheekiness'? She's apparently not a fan." – Belerophon17

12. "Grandma doesn't like it because 'the kids are too sassy, do you want your daughter to sass you like that?' Yes, Mom, I do. Grandpa doesn't like it because he thinks it's 'sexist against men'. Ok boomer." – stravadarius


Bluey, blue kids, play, kids show, cartoon, parenting Scared Oh No GIF by Bluey Giphy

13. "Sounds like the grandparents are pretty much making the point. The boomers left a lot to be desired as parents, stewards of the world, and now as elder statespeople. Let's do better. I know Bandit would." – PhishGreenLantern

14. "I think it's less to do with bluey and more to do with the older generations inability to process their emotions in a healthy way." – SerentityM3ow

15. "[lurking mom] Caught my father in law teary eyed after watching an episode with my nephew. Bluey is doing great work healing multigenerational trauma!" – Dull_Title_3902


Does anyone hitchhike anymore?

If there's one truism we can all agree on, it's that times change, and as you get older, that truth becomes clearer and clearer. Things that were once commonplace have disappeared, norms and expectations have shifted, technology has fundamentally changed how we live and work, and time just keeps ticking on.

That's not a bad thing, necessarily. Progress is progress, change can be good, and we shouldn't expect an ever-evolving humanity in an ever-changing world to stay the same. At the same time, it's easy to have nostalgia for the good old days, and some part of those days are worth thinking of fondly.

90s, nostalgia, the past, growth, timeMusic Video 90S GIFGiphy

When someone asked Gen Xers and Boomers, "What's something that used to be normal, but would shock people today?" the responses were a mixed bag of awesome memories from the past, things that are probably best left behind, and those that fall in between somewhere depending on your perspective. Here are some of the most popular responses.

Unreachability

We are so used to carrying cell phones with us everywhere and being able to call or text anyone at any time that it's hard to imagine not being able to do that. But people used to simply fall off the map for a while, and nobody really worried about it. And if you called someone and they didn't answer, there was no leaving a message until answering machines came about.

gif, messages, voicemail, phones, reachable answering machine cbc GIF by Kim's ConvenienceGiphy

"People being completely unreachable, even children, for multiple days. Not in a they aren't answering work emails on purpose, but are posting on Instagram kind of way-- but truly, no one knows where the hell this person is or how to get in touch with them... oh well, ok. Carry on."

"I went to Europe for a year after high school, and my family got a letter maybe once a month and an occasional phone call - international calls were too expensive to stay in contact frequently."

"God, I soooooo miss this. Not just for myself, cause it's possible to still drop off the planet for a while, but what I miss is this being NORMAL for all people. Like in the before cell phone, before answering machine days. Call and leave a message with someone who answered. Or not. 'Where is Jake?' 'Oh, he went down south for a few days. Check back next week.'"

"Right Family vacation, camping, fishing. In a week, you might go in to town to the pay phone to call Gramma one time. No one thought twice about it."

"People tend to forget what a jaw-dropper answering machines were. They weren't cheap either. Most people didn't have one for a very long time."

Kids roaming free

Helicopter parenting was not a thing when Gen X and Boomers were kids. In fact, kids were often told to "go out and play," which meant wandering and exploring around—and often beyond—your neighborhood with your friends for most of the day, with your parents not really knowing where you were or what you were doing (a la The Goonies). You knew it was time to come home with the streetlights went on or when your stomach told you it was dinnertime.

kids, goonies, freedom, wandering, free rangethe goonies this is our time GIFGiphy

"Free range kids with no tracking. I left home on Saturdays after the last good cartoon, and my family didn't see me again until dinner. I was in the woods fighting imaginary Russians or having bottle rocket wars with kids on the block."

"I miss this so much. For all kids nowadays. Being constantly contactable (and more importantly it meaning 'something bad' if they are not) has warped everyone's brain. Everyone IMMEDIATELY goes to 'OMG where is ___ something bad must have happened' in mere minutes!."

"This! My mom kicked us outside when we got rowdy and told us to come back when she whistles! We knew not to pass the stop sign at one end of the road, and the mail box on the other. We had treehouses made from random shit we found in the woods and would battle each other 😂 Man my kids now could never."

"We were on our bikes riding around the whole neighborhood with other kids all day! Miles away, nobody worried about where we were, only vague ideas about who we were with."

Airport access

Those who remember life before 9/11 know how much airport security changed afterward, and it's hard now to imagine the way it used to be. On the one hand, limiting gate access to ticketed passengers only has made airports a little less crowded (believe it or not) but on the other, there was something so sweet about stepping off of a plane to someone greeting you immediately.

airports, airport security, accessibility, travel, greetings Airport Why Am I Here GIF by Girls on HBOGiphy

"if you were picking someone up at the airport especially if it was your kid coming home from college or something big like that you would meet them at the gate."

"People who didn't have tickets could wait with you at the gate until you boarded or meet you when you got off."

"Walking to airline gates without a ticket or TSA. When I was a kid mom would take me to BWI airport and we would watch the planes from the pier."

"My parents’ favorite cheap date when they were young and poor was to go to the airport and people watch."

"I used to fly to my grandparents by myself every summer. My mom would walk me to the plane and get me settled in my seat. Once they accidentally closed the door and started pulling away from the gate while she was still on board and they had to pull back in to let her out."

Lax car rules

When some of us were kids, seatbelts weren't even standard in the backseats of cars—you had to pay extra to have them installed. And even then, they were just lap belts, no shoulder straps. Booster seats? Non-existent. Baby car seats? Eh, kind of, maybe, sometimes. (To be fair, the increased safety regulations on cars and seatbelts have saved many lives, so not complaining about these changes.)

car, driving, seatbelt, seatbelts, safety Car Wagon GIF by DiscoveryGiphy

"The amount of kids who could fit in the back of a station wagon."

"We drove cross country on a family trip. Removed the seats and 7 kids just sat in the back on the floor."

"My sister and I rode in the back of a pickup truck on a six hour ride in Oklahoma when I was about 8 or 9 years old. We were both badly sunburned, and I ended up with ear infections. It was not a good time."

"1972 Towing a race car on the interstate with two moms and 5 kids in the back plus two canisters of gasoline towards the tailgate with the moms leaning against the back of the cab smoking. Oh, one of the moms was pregnant too. On our way to watch the dads participate in a demolition derby and stock car race, which my dad won. It's quite likely that the driver had an open can of beer between his knees."

"Dad had a full sized van with the passenger seats removed. We sat in bean bag chairs in the back from Missouri to South Carolina when moving cross country."

Smoking, smoking, and more smoking

I've tried to explain to my Gen Z kids how ubiquitous smoking used to be, but I don't think they fully believe it. People smoked everywhere. There were smoking sections and areas everywhere. Ashtrays everywhere. Cigarette butts all over the ground. Candy cigarettes. You get the picture.

smoking, cigarettes, smoke, ashtrays, smoking sectionsmothers day smoking GIFGiphy

"Smoking on airplanes."

"The grocery store, hospital, school, movie theater…"

"I was in the hospital when I was 8. My roommate was 16 & she smoked."

"I used to be a cashier and light cigarettes at the register."

"Hell, I worked in a municipal office, and everyone had an ashtray at their desk and smoked all day at work. As someone allergic to smoke, it really sucked. I worked with a bunch of men, and the worst was when one of their wives would have a baby, because the guy would hand out cigars and the whole office would be smoking cigars that day. Brutal."

"Smoking everywhere. I worked at a bank that had the offices in the basement. No windows, one stairway down (fire would have killed everyone). Ashtrays everywhere. Zero ventilation."

"Or high school had a student smoking area. There wasn't an age requirement. Also restaurants did not have no smoking areas."

"Sending your child to the store for a pack of cigarettes. Like not even a teenager. Child."

simpsons, the past, boomers, gen x, changeEpisode 1 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy

People shared some other things that were common like not wearing sunscreen (in fact, slathering yourself with baby oil to bake yourself in the sun), not being able to get cash whenever you needed it (and you always needed it—credit cards weren't as common and weren't accepted everywhere), layaway, sonic booms, corporal punishment in schools, and more. Times do change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse, but it's always fun to look back and see how they have. Makes you wonder what a list like this will look like in another 40 or 50 years, doesn't it?



“I don’t even know my plan! Do you know your plan?!”

Gentle parenting has been the anxious millennial antidote to the trauma caused by their boomer parent’s not-so-gentle approach to raising kids. This new wave of parents have become determined to not let history repeat itself, to usher in a kinder, more emotionally secure, more confident generation of humans.

And while that intention is certainly admirable, perhaps we millennials, with all our self-deprecating humor, can also laugh at ourselves a bit with just how gentle we strive to be.

gentle parenting, parenting, parenting advice, Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, parenting hacksA grown woman and her motherImage via Canva

A fun, tongue-in-cheek and instantly viral video created by 37-year-old mom of two Taylor Wolfe can help with that.

The clip, which racked up 5.8 million views in less than 24 hours, shows Taylor trying to teach her boomer mother Sandy Wolfe all the ins-and-outs of gentle parenting so that she may use these more compassionate tactics on her grandkids.


Let’s just say, many found her failed attempt completely relatable, not to mention hilarious.

Sandy’s well intentioned “Be careful!” to her granddaughter gets met with Taylor saying, “We don’t say ‘Be careful!’ anymore. Instead say, ‘What’s your plan here?’”

“I don’t even know my plan! Do you know your plan?!” Sandy retorts.

Cut to: Sandy says “Stop. Don’t hit your sister.” Suddenly Taylor pops up from behind a corner to instruct: “Don’t say, ‘Stop,’ say, ‘Gentle.’”

“‘Gentle’…what?” asks a confused Sandy.

“‘Gentle hands,’” quips Taylor, adding. “‘Gentle’ everything.”

gentle parenting, parenting advice, parenting, parenting hacks, Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, mothers, daughtersAn adult woman and her older motherImage via Canva

Sandy can’t even catch a break when she says “I’m so proud of you.” because, as Taylor explains, “you’re not supposed to tell kids you’re proud of them anymore. That’s putting the focus on you.”

Then a classic comedy of errors ensues as Taylor advises Sandy to say “you should be so proud” and Sandy replies “I AM so proud!”

Viewers could help but laugh at their own perhaps overzealous attempts to bring gentle parenting into their life.

“I tried to gentle parent this morning but it turned into ‘OMG GET YOUR FORKING SHOES ON,”” one person wrote, while another added, “I always started with the Mary Poppins approach but sometimes you need to elevate to Judge Judy.”

Others felt like this perfectly depicted how gentle parenting sometimes misses the mark.

“I’m feeling anxious after observing gentle parenting,” one person wrote.

Another simply said, “I stand with grandma.”

This isn’t the first time Taylor and Sandy have given us a good chuckle comparing their different parenting styles. Here’s another funny video from August of 2023 where Taylor is flabbergasted to hear how her mother managed without Google:

Listen, gentle parenting is great for providing parents more mindful, less reactive responses to their kids, which can do wonders for everybody. But there’s also something to be said for not getting so wound up in the minutia of every parent-child interaction, thinking anything and everything could be threatening to a child’s development. As with anything, balance—and a sense of humor—is always key.

Follow along on more of Taylor’s fun and relatable content on TikTok.

This article originally appeared last year.