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Millennial mom gives 3 big reasons Boomers are the 'worst' generation of grandparents

"Honestly Boomers are so agitated with the grandkids."

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Millennial mom shares why Boomer grandparents are the worst with grandkids.

Every generation has taken a different approach to parenting. From Gen X to Boomers to Millennials, each generation has brought up their kids different than the generation before. And for Millennial parents with Boomer grandparents, some have a bone to pick.

TikTokker Phyllis (@motherphyllis) pointed out three of the biggest reasons why she thinks Millennial parents (like herself) think that Boomer grandparents are *the worst* when it comes to helping take care of their grandchildren. The first reason she is calling out Boomer grandparents is because in her experience, they don't really want to help out if needed, and throw a "you need to raise your own kids" argument if asked for help.

"I’m not raising your kids. They’re your kids take care of them yourself even though trust us we don’t want you raising our kids. No thanks 🤣," she captioned the post.

@motherphyllis

I’m not raising your kids. They’re your kids take care of them yourself even though trust us we don’t want you raising our kids. No thanks 🤣 #fyp #fypシ #grandparents #millennial #boomer #mom #sahm #fypage #honest #truth #foryoupage #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp

In the video, she says, "Because y'all couldn't wait to have grandbabies. You were so excited about it. And then when they get here, you *maybe* stop up at the hospital, *maybe* stop over to the house. You stay for 45 minutes, snap a picture, upload it to Facebook and then you gotta get home to the dogs. And then you might not see the baby again until their first birthday."

She goes on to add that Boomer grandparents also like to add in that they are "not raising your kids. 'They're your kids. I raised my kids. Sorry but I'm not doing that'," she says, adding that when Boomer grandparents are asked to do a small favor like watch their grandkids for a doctor's appointment, they use that argument. "Us Millennials are like, 'Wait! We weren't asking you to raise them. We were asking you to keep them for maybe like, an hour or two."

Her second reason why she thinks Boomer grandparents are the worst is that they are irritated/agitated easily with grandkids. "Honestly boomers are so agitated with the grandkids. My grandma would never 🤣😩," she captioned the video.

@motherphyllis

Honestly boomers are so agitated with the grandkids. My grandma would never 🤣😩 #fyp #fypシ #foryoupage #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #mom #millennial #momlife #boomer #generations

She goes on to explain that Boomer grandparents do "weird sh*t", like "they won't see the kids for a year, maybe because they're long distance, and they come around and are instantly irritated with the kids. They can't even stand it," she says. "It's like, 'Quit talking! Quit jumping! Quit doing that!' It's like, what are they doing? They're just eating Goldfish. 'The crunching is giving me a headache, it's just annoying.'"

Then she gives another scenario, with Boomer grandparents who live 45 minutes away who "act like it's a total inconvenience to see the kids like, I don't know, once a month or once a week even...Boomers be so irritated with the grandkids these days."

@motherphyllis

Just calling to chat about myself… #fyp #fypシ #foryoupage #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #sahm #mom #millennial #boomer #generations #funny #honest #truth

Finally, she shares that the third reason she thinks Boomer grandparents are the worst is because when they call to check in, they only want to chat about themselves. "Just calling to chat about myself…," she captioned the post.

"You think they're calling to see how you're doing or how the kids are doing or something of that matter besides themselves, but nope...they're just calling to talk about themselves," she says. "They want to talk about the new beach house, they want to tell you about how they're furnishing it. They might start the conversation with, 'How's everyone doing?', and then when you start to explain how everyone's doing they're like, 'Okay well that's enough! I didn't want the whole story. I was just calling to talk about myself.'"

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Culture

Gen Xers and Boomers share outrageous behaviors that used to be considered 'normal'

"All my parents' friends used to give me a spanking for each year on my birthday."

Photo by lil artsy/Pexels

Older people are sharing memories of wild behaviors and norms that would be considered "boundary crossing" today

How many times have you looked back to things you thought were "normal" from your childhood and thought "Huh, that was actually kinda weird in hindsight"? Times change, and what's considered "normal and acceptable" change with them. That's not automatically good or bad, necessarily, but hopefully humanity is evolving such that we learn from our mistakes and recognize room for improvement.

Culture, social progress, and technology all play a role in how our behaviors evolve. We hope our behavior changes for the better, and sometimes it does, but some folks might disagree and think things were better back in simpler times.

In that vein, someone asked Gen Xers and Boomers on Reddit, "What are some things that would be considered rude or boundary crossing today but were perfectly normal and acceptable when you were growing up?" and the answers reveal how much has shifted in the past handful of decades.

If you're over 40, enjoy this slightly disturbing trip down memory lane. If you're under 40, yes, all of these things really happened on a regular basis.

Scolding other people's kids (even strangers)

Raising a child was seen as more of a community effort than it is today, which resulted in perfect strangers doling out discipline.

"Scolding someone else's child. I remember getting corrected by strangers."

gen x, boomers, millennials, gen alpha, gen z, generations, generational differences, culture, etiquette Reprimanding other people's kids in public. Giphy

"Those were the lessons that stuck the most too for me. When a family friend or stranger corrected me I knew without doubt I done f'd up. I didn't like the trend during the late 80's into 90's of everyone telling each other to mind their own business and not correct a child that wasn't theirs ~ horrible logic that I feel totally contributed to where we are at today with nobody considering other peoples opinions on things."

"OMG yes! in my neighborhood, whoever's house you were at, if you acted up, their mom was expected to let you know, and even send you home! it's just how things were."

"Kids were basically community property."

People are split on whether this development is ultimately good or bad.

Showing up or dropping by unannounced

Before cell phones, people didn't always call or text before going to someone's house. Company could just show up at any time. People had snacks on hand specifically for unexpected guests. It was a thing.

"Possibly stopping in at a friend’s house unannounced. That used to be fairly common when everyone didn’t have a phone in his or her pocket."

"You never knew who, or how many, would show up at our house on a Friday night for a game of penny ante poker or Yahtzee in the 60's and 70's."

gen x, boomers, millennials, gen alpha, gen z, generations, generational differences, culture, etiquette Showing up to someone's house unannounced. Giphy

"I do miss that. We always had extra snacks for guests available because we never knew when someone might just show up."

"We always had a Pepperidge Farms Coconut cake in the freezer. My mother would take it out to thaw as soon as company showed up."

"A corollary of this was that you were also expected to have your clothes on and be somewhat presentable while you were at home, since you never know who would be dropping by."

"Hell, me and my friends would just walk into each other's house like we lived there. None of the parents seemed to mind either. I often ended up eating meals at their homes and them at mine."

People still show up out of nowhere in movies and TV shows, though. Probably because texting isn't quite as cinematic!

Birthday spankings

Okay, yeah, this one is weird. It was a tradition to get a spanking for every year of your life on your birthday, and it wasn't even just parents who did this. Teachers, your parents' friends, etc.

"All my parents' friends used to give me a spanking for each year on my birthday. Does anyone else remember this? Birthday spankings? So weird."

"And a pinch to grow an inch."

"My 4th grade teacher did this to all of us in front of the whole class. She ended it with a "pinch to grow on" and literally pinched our butts. This was around 2001 in Indianapolis. I don't recall anyone ever having an issue with it at the time, but looking back it was definitely odd. She was a great teacher and I have nothing bad to say about her at all. It was just a different time."

gen x, boomers, millennials, gen alpha, gen z, generations, generational differences, culture, etiquette Birthday spankings and punches. Giphy

"Yessssss! I'm in MD and was in elementary school in the 80's. If it was our birthday we would pick another kid to spank us in front of the whole grade, so if turning 9 you would get 9 smacks on your butt and all the kids would shout "ONE! TWO!..." 😂😂😂😂 I can't imagine that happening now!"

"Oh god! In a school club we would all line up and the birthday girl to crawl between all our legs as we spanked her on birthdays. What a crazy tradition!"

"The spanking machine! Kids would line up in a row, legs open, and you would crawl through, while kids slapped your butt. Sometimes singing 'today is spankin’ day!'"

Later, the birthday spankings evolved in birthday arm punches — again, one for every year. It's really hard to imagine anyone getting away with this in 2025.

Actual spankings. With a paddle. At school.

School principals, vice principals and sometimes teachers kept a paddle at their desk, which would be used to whack kids who misbehaved. Corporal punishment was the gold standard for behavior modification. Hacking, whacking, paddling—so many names for this woefully outdated practice.

"The big paddle that one of the teachers would possess that would be used on your hind quarters at their whim. No parent permission needed."

"The (completely backward) school I attended in 7th grade in 1999-2000 still spanked kids. My math teacher spanked a kid in class at least once a week. This was the deep south and very different from other schools I went to, it was quite the culture shock."

"I would get the paddle or else my desk kicked over while I was in it, my head would hit that floor HARD! I don’t know which was worse."

gen x, boomers, millennials, gen alpha, gen z, generations, generational differences, culture, etiquette Corporal punishment in schools. Giphy

"In 1987 my mom walked me into the school office and told everyone including the principle that under NO circumstances is anyone to paddle or spank me for discipline and if I misbehaved they were to simply call her about it. Their jaws dropped. That would not have happened anyways because I was a very well behaved and respectful child."

"I definitely got the big paddle in the vice principal's office."

Shockingly, "corporal punishment" as it's called is still legal in many states and regularly practiced in some private schools.

Smoking indoors everywhere

It's impossible to explain to young people today how ubiquitous smoking used to be. Like, it was considered rude not to have ashtrays in your home. High schools had smoking areas. Restaurants, airplanes, waiting rooms—people smoked everywhere.

"I can recall the nurses at the triage in the hospital in my home town, smoking away while working. The 80s man, crazy time."

"I was born in 82, there’s a picture of my mother holding me shortly after I was born, laying in a hospital bed, and on her bedside table is a pack of reds and an ashtray."

"And on airplanes and trains. I remember riding the L in Chicago with people smoking on the cars."

"Smoking in class at college."

gen x, boomers, millennials, gen alpha, gen z, generations, generational differences, culture, etiquette Smoking indoors. Giphy

"Smoking in grocery stores and putting out butts on the floor.

Teachers with ash trays on their desks smoking during class."

"My parents didn't smoke, but they (1970s) kept a guest ashtray in the house in case a visitor wanted to light up. Complained endlessly about the smoke smell once the person was gone, but it would have been rude to tell them to take it outside or wait."

The first question a restaurant hostess used to ask you was "Smoking or non-smoking?" if you can believe it.

Sexual harassment

Not that this was ever normal or acceptable, but it was tolerated to a disturbing level.

"Until Anita Hill, I had never even heard the term Sexual Harassment. I literally had no idea it was a thing. You were female, you were employed, men could make insistent advances with zero repercussions. One of my co-workers finally slept with the boss just to try to get him to leave her alone. This was NORMAL. We expected it to happen and accepted that it would, we just had to deal with it."

gen x, boomers, millennials, gen alpha, gen z, generations, generational differences, culture, etiquette Rampant sexual harassment. Giphy

"I was told to lighten up because it was a compliment."

" I got my first job in 1973 when I was 15. I worked in the restaurant business and waited tables all through college. It was pervasive and customers (men) would say many unwanted things as well. My first adult job was selling pharmaceuticals in 1984 and the first thing my regional manager told me during orientation was if a doctor did or said anything inappropriate handle it anyway you saw fit and then call and tell me about. He made it clear we didn’t have to put up with any BS and were free to slap anyone if we needed to. By the nineties sexual harassment wasn’t gone but was getting called out in a big way. Until there was a name for sexual harassment we knew we were uncomfortable but didn’t really have a way to express it in a meaningful and united manner."

"My friends and I were grabbed constantly in middle school by boys in early 90s. It never occurred to us to tell anyone and I honestly don’t think they would have cared. We just shared our shame amongst ourselves."

"Men would randomly grab and touch women all the time when I was growing up. Boomers were the worst about it, but I’m GenX and even we had it somewhat normalized. We’d gotten a clue that it wasn’t great, but we hadn’t yet realized it was actually sexual assault when someone would fondle your butt or breasts unbidden. Or when someone would grab you and kiss you. If you complained you were told to lighten up."

Watching old films and TV shows can be a bit cringeworthy for this exact reason. Inappropriate comments and contact at work was often seen as a joke and "just good fun."

The drastic policing of what women wore under their clothes

Imagine having all the girls line up in gym class while the teacher runs his finger down each girl's back to make sure she was wearing a bra. Imagine it being unheard of to not wear pantyhose and show bare skin on your legs while wearing a skirt. We still police what women and girls wear in some places, but it's not as bad as it used to be.

"I’ve been told that women were expected to wear 'foundation garments' at work, and if they didn’t, then they might get reprimanded. I’m talking about longline bras and girdles."

gen x, boomers, millennials, gen alpha, gen z, generations, generational differences, culture, etiquette Policing of women's underwear. Giphy

"In the 80s, one of my friends got sent to the office for not wearing a bra to high school."

"Until 1999, I was required to wear pantyhose at work. Nuts! And they dictated 'suntan' color!"

"Not sure what I spent more $ on - pantyhose or clear nail polish to stop the runs."

"I remember being a kid in the 90s my mom going from store to store looking for slips to put under my dresses, she had a whole section of her closet devoted to them. I hated them and didn't understand their purpose. Still don't. I'm so glad those are in the past."

People shared other things as well, such as how common it was to touch total strangers or to cut through people's yards to get to where you were going, and it's a wild ride through shifting social norms. Some things are definitely best left in the past, but some lend themselves to a stronger sense of community and might be worth revisiting. It does make you wonder what things from today will show up on a list like this decades from now.

You can see more on the r/AskOldPeople thread here.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Fashion

Boomers and Gen Xers say they are delighted with Gen Z's 1970s-inspired fashion trends

"Gen Z is basically cosplaying their grandparents."

Image via Wikipedia/Warner Music, Reddit/infantilekey

Gen Z is bringing back retro fashion trends from the 70s.

Gen Z is ushering in a new era of fashion, and many popular 'fits and hair trends seem to have a retro influence.

A 22-year-old Gen Zer took to the Internet to discuss current Gen Z fashion trends, noting that he sees lots of 1970s inspiration for current styles. He noted, "Thanks to Benson Boone, most guys my age have permed mullets and moustaches. Middle-parts, flared low rise jeans, perms and even bushes are having a renaissance."

In a follow-up, he asked Boomers and Gen Xers who grew up during the era how they feel seeing Gen Z's take on some of their fashion staples. "70’s kids, teens, young adults - how do you feel about Gen Z adopting mullets, pornstaches, middle-parts and flared jeans?" he wrote. "Asking as a 22yr [old], how do those of you who lived through the 70’s feel about certain trends coming back in style?"

And plenty of Boomers and Gen Xers shared their opinions. These are 15 of their thoughts on Gen Z's fashions.

@omgulsc

@Benson song is actually on repeat. #bensonboone #fashion #style #outfitinspo #greenscreen

"The fashion is similar as in the 70’s, but the vibe is not. if that makes sense." - Flashy_Woodpecker_11

"It’s kind of entertaining. I have a rule for myself that if I wore a trend in one decade, I don’t get to wear it when it comes back around, and boy have I seen a bunch of familiar-looking clothes in the past couple of years. But as someone said, though the style looks similar, the attitude they are wearing it with is totally different." - intrigue-bliss4331

"Everything old is new again. It has always been that way. If it makes someone happy, then who are we to care if it's an old fad or new." - FortuneWhereThoutBe

"Everything seems to come in 50 year cycles. Saw a double breasted jacket in a men’s clothes shop the other day! I'm 70m and haven’t worn anything double breasted since 1973!! So it goes!" - ActiveOldster

@mgthegenius

Gen Z’s not just bringing back #retrostyle for the aesthetic — they’re using it to time-travel, heal, and rewrite the past. Let’s talk about why Y2K, 90s, and even 70s fashion are flooding your feed — and what it really says about where culture’s headed. #vintagevibes #designinspiration #contemporaryretro #y2kfashion #styleexplained

"To each their own of course. It's not me, it wasn't back then, never was, isn't me today etc. But for those who like it, rock on." - No_Roof_1910

"Whatever makes them happy. Kids get to build their tribal rituals. In other words, I’m not getting a mullet but wont disparage theirs. Rock on." - goosebumpsagain

"I think it’s freaking hilarious. 'We hate boomers, but we totally want to be them.' As a Gen Xer with older brothers and sisters and solid memories of from about 1974 on, it just makes me giggle." - Grace_Alcock

"When I was a teen in the 70s at one point, my mom pointed out to me that lots of our styles were from the 40s when she was young. She was right! Personally, I don’t care who wears what or when." - moverene1914

"Fashion, even bad fashion, repeats. Makes me laugh, but I still wear tie dye and hippy trippy stuff so I’m no critic to judge!" - Lefty-boomer

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"I love seeing them embrace anything other than the normcore beige stuff that has 0 style. I cant wait until they see videos of themselves in 30 years." - notthatcousingreg

"I was a kid in the 70s and wore those things in my 20s when they came back in style in the 90s. I love seeing it all come back again! I love the vintage clothing sub and the 70s styles are my favorites." - Wonderful_Horror7315

"Let them fly their freak flags. Life is short. In 10 years, they’ll all want to look like Boy George, anyway. Enjoy getting older, I sure do!" - AnitaIvanaMartini

freak flag, freak flags, freak flag fly, freak flag gif, freak Be Yourself Tonight Show GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon Giphy

"Every generation thinks they invented rebellion then just recycle the last one’s closet. 70s kids rolled their eyes at 50s greasers 90s mocked the 70s now gen z is basically cosplaying their grandparents. Fashion’s just a pendulum nobody’s original we just remix until it feels new again. The real joke is thinking your mullet is edgy when it’s literally your dad’s yearbook pic." - Thin_Rip8995

"GenX here. I LOVE it! Add in some Ponchos and Knee High sports socks for guys and you are officially Old School Cool! A rock band 3/4 length sleeve t-shirt and Blue Jean jacket for EXTRA POINTS!" - Gun5linger67

"Every generation deserves the chance to make fashion choices that they'll look back at some day and wonder, 'WTF was I thinking?!?' - LordOfEltingville

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Family

Millennial mom laments 'absent boomer' grandparents who don't make time for their grandkids

Plenty of time for vacations, but not for their grandchildren?

Photo credit: Canva

Are today's grandparents too hands-off?

Have grandparents become more self-oriented than grandparents in generations past? The baby boomer generation has been dubbed the "Me Generation" because after the social upheaval of the ‘60s, they began to focus on themselves, prioritizing wealth accumulation, personal growth, self-help programs, and fitness.

Now that baby boomers are grandparents, some millennials aren’t too happy that the Me Generation has taken that ethos into their golden years.

grandparents, grandmas, millennials, boomers, family Where are the grandmas? Giphy

Although we can't paint every generation member with the same brush, many older millennial parents feel that their baby boomer parents, known for being the least involved in recent history, are too hands-off as grandparents. Mother Phyllis, a popular TikToker with much to say about boomer grandparents, recently shared a video about how her parents live 40 minutes away and put very little effort into being grandparents, yet brag about how much they love their grandchildren on social media.

The crux of Phyllis’ point is that older millennials had grandparents involved in their lives, but their parents don’t have the same dedication.

@motherphyllis

Can anyone else relate?????? I should’ve said absent grandmother’s not grandparents but y’all know what I mean 🤣 #fyp #fypシ #fypage #viral #fyp #viral #millennial #boomer #momlife #mom #sahm #funny @laneige_us

“My mom comes over for her yearly visit and snaps a picture of the kids. Or sometimes she doesn't even do that. She'll just take a picture off my Facebook page, post it to her Facebook page, and say, 'I love hanging out with my grandkids so much,'" Phillis says in a video with over 200,000 views. “They're so amazing. And then her friends comment and say, ‘Being a grandparent is so amazing, it's just so great.’” Phyllis adds that when she had a child, her boomer parents didn’t show much interest in helping after her birth, saying that helping out was her husband's job.

millennials, baby boomers, baby boomer grandparents, absentee grandparents, generational complaints Some grandparents spend more time on Facebook than they do with their grandkids. Photo credit: Canva

The post resonated with many people in the comments who are having the same struggles with their boomer parents. "Their parents raised us. They didn’t even want to be parents, so they’re sure as hell not gonna be grandparents," Kim wrote. "I mean, you think having boomer grandparents are bad, try having them raise you. Generation X basically raised ourselves because they’re busy," Queen added.

A big reason why parents like Phyllis feel betrayed by their parents for refusing to be involved in their children’s lives is that they probably had grandparents who were involved in theirs. Many older millennials and Gen Xers had grandparents involved in their upbringing, providing daycare, babysitting, and making social visits, because their grandmothers were raised to be homemakers and didn’t have jobs. So their lifestyle was more geared to taking care of children. Boomer women were much more likely to have had careers and still work to this day.

@motherphyllis

Millennials just can’t understand the way some boomers act If I’m being honest ##fyp##foryoupage##fypシ##fypage##mom##sahm##momlife##honest##truth##relatable##millennial##boomer##generation##millennialstothemoon##phyllis

“Here’s the thing, though: it’s statistically more likely that your own grandmothers were homemakers, at least from the time they had children,” DeeDee Moore, a grandparenting influencer, writes for Scary Mommy. “They were home to watch you after school, or host you and your cousins for weeks during the summer. Starting with the baby boomer generation, women were more likely to be in the workforce, making babysitting grandkids and cousin camp harder to pull off.”

While parents like Phyllis have a good reason to be upset that their parents aren’t involved in their children’s lives, everyone’s situation is different, so we can’t bash all boomers for being uninvolved in their grandchildren’s lives. However, their accusation does follow a significant generational trend: Gen Xers and older Millennials, known by some as Generation Goonie, were raised in a world with very little parental involvement. So, it's unsurprising that their children have grandparents who may not be around much.

This article originally appeared in April.


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