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Emily Shiffer

Joy

Making friends in adulthood can be hard. 19 real people share how to make friends as an adult.

"Most because they were stubborn enough to persist 🤣."

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People who made friends as adults share how they did it.

Making friends as an adult is one of the most difficult parts of growing up. Having a healthy social life outside of work, marriage and family commitments can not only be a challenge, but one hard to even find.

In an online forum, member Spirited-Falcon-5102 posed the question to fellow adults trying to make friends: "How did you become friends with the friends you made as an adult?"

And people who have successfully made friends as adults spilled their experience to help others struggling. These are 19 real-life examples of how adults made friends as adults.

"A few through work, but almost all through hobbies." bossoline

"You have to go to a place where you can see potential friend candidates REGULARLY. Then strike up regular conversations with people there. Learn their names and their stories. Bring what I like to call PIE: Positivity, Interest in others and ENTHUSIASM. After you develop a rapport, invite them to do something with you OUTSIDE THE PLACE WHERE YOU KNOW THEM. That's how friendships begin." FL-Irish

"I’m made good acquaintances at bars, but we mostly stick to that environment. Volunteer work, on the other hand, has lead to some really solid friendships. Even though I’ve moved to a different state, I’m still in touch with many people I met because we valued the same cause and found other things in common." Emtreidy

"I wrote on a local facebook page for my area. 'Looking for a gym partner 4 days/week at nordic wellness. It's always easier to keep routine with friends right' A married woman about me age responded. I'm married too, 1 month later we are best friends tbh and they are coming over for dinner at our place." Accomplished_Tart832

"I wanted to have female friends that lived close to me because proximity is very important to me when it comes to friendship so I went on the nextdoor app in 2022 and I posted to my specific subdivision. I kept hosting things like bonfires, potluck taco Tuesday, morning walking groups, clothing swaps, dressed up brunches. Just whatever. Here we are in 2025 and we're still doing this. Some of the other women are hosting stuff now too- so it's not just me. The youngest in our group is 23 and the oldest is 61. And I would say at least three of the women in the group are actual friends now. As in, we hang out one-on-one sometimes and text each other regularly." blabber_jabber

"I bought a trailer in an RV park and I have made friends there. I also winter in Mexico , stay at the same place every year and I have made friends there. I’m am a 65 year old single woman." Landingonmyfeet

"Bumble BFF!" Mistress0fScience

"Join clubs. But not just any clubs. Join a club that has different levels of skill, where beginners will be thrown into one class. I joined a Krav Maga club in April and now I have a solid social circle, two of them I would already consider good friends, not 'just' friends. The other beginners didn't know too many people either, which made it quite easy to connect to them. But this didn't just happen. I went out of my way to get to know people. I introduced myself to everyone, which was weird at first, but less so later. I make sure to either pick up a topic we've been talking about last time or ask them how they're doing when I see them. Since then, for whatever reason, I also got to know other people. Mostly by joining other events. I volunteer at a sanctuary, but this is not as productive from a social networking standpoint. Clubs. That's where it's at. Make sure to be likeable though. Being shy and competent can easily look like arrogance. I know, it's weird, but that's what it can feel like from the outside." lookingforPatchie

"I started a family hiking group in the area about 10 years ago. At one point, my entire social network was made up of those families!" anniemaxine

"Work, local coffee shop, dog park, hobbies." Ok-Kick4060

"Oh, so so many. Quilting circles, crochet, cross stitch, book clubs, DnD, LARPing, community theater, church choir, fencing, board game groups, marathon conditioning groups, yoga, meditation, street racing, motorcycle gangs (not that I'm recommending those), cycling groups...Really just all sports. You wanna make friends fast? Go to the park with a basketball and see how many dudes in their 20s and 30s flock to you." Gamma_The_Guardian

"Through animal-related hobbies. Dogs, horses, cats… and politics." Difficult-Second3519

"I make new friends seemingly every few months. I just talk to people, am interested in them and I'm generous when I can be. There's no real common thread. Some are people I meet walking my neighborhood, others while I'm out in the world doing whatever." NemeanMiniLion

"They are the parents of my kids’ friends. We sat on the parent-bench for swim lessons or music class or whatever and chatted and became friends." North_Artichoke_6721

"Completely accidentally. Most because they were stubborn enough to persist 🤣." PuzzleheadedCat9986

"Bible studies!" Dede_dawn311

"We were both putting other people's carts back in the corral. We started talking about how lazy people are." SgtRudy0311Ret

"Oddly and humorously enough, my friends are a lot of relationships or fwbs that didn't work out in that way but we remained friends." Dapper-Lie-446

"Just last night I met up with someone I was chatting on Reddit with for a couple of days. We are both relatively new to our town. Exchanged numbers and it hit off. Met at a bar thought I’d be there for an hour maybe 90 minutes. Ended up spending 3 hours with him." AggressivePatience56

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Guy shares the 11 techniques that helped him completely overcome his social awkwardness

"I used to be the guy who'd avoid eye contact, give one-word answers, and somehow make every conversation die."

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Man explains how he overcame being socially award.

If you feel socially awkward, you're not alone. Many Americans report feeling it. According to a 2022 YouGov poll, one in four Americans (26%) say they're much or somewhat more awkward than other people. Social awkwardness can negatively impact social, family, and work relationships.

On Reddit, member @Everyday-Improvement opened up about how he overcame social awkwardness. "I was socially awkward for 5 years," he shared. "Used to be the guy who'd avoid eye contact, give one-word answers, and somehow make every conversation die. Small talk felt like torture. Group settings made me want to hide in the bathroom."

To help him, he sought out the Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People. He writes that he had previously read it "probably 5 times but never actually did anything with it. Just highlighted passages and felt smart for 10 minutes. Finally decided to treat it like a playbook instead of philosophy and holy sh*t, people actually started liking me."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

In his post, he decided to share the 11 techniques that he took away from the book that "changed everything" for him. He added, "People actually seek out my opinion now. Invitations to social stuff increased by like 300%. Family gatherings stopped feeling like interrogations. Also time with friends have been the best. Being genuinely interested in others is way less work than trying to be interesting yourself. When you focus on making other people feel good, they associate those positive feelings with you."

The biggest takeaway? Change is possible. "Most social skills advice tells you to 'just be yourself.' But if 'yourself' is socially awkward, that's terrible advice. Carnegie's book taught me that social skills are learnable skills, not personality traits you're born with," he noted. "Took me 5 years to figure out that people don't care how smart or funny or interesting you are. They care about how you make them feel. Once I started focusing on that, everything else fell into place."

These are 11 tips to help you become less socially awkward.

1. Names are literally magic words.
"Started using people's names way more than felt natural. 'Thanks for the coffee, Sarah' instead of just 'thanks.' 'Good point, Mike' instead of 'good point.' Felt weird at first but people light up when they hear their own name. Their whole face changes," he wrote.

thanks, thank you, name, saying name, acknowledgementMaribeth Monroe Hug GIF by CBSGiphy

2. Became genuinely curious about random stuff.
He successfully implemented this by asking follow-up questions when in conversation with others. If someone talked about hiking, he'd follow up with simple but engaged questions like, "''What's the hardest part about the trail?', 'Do you see wildlife?', or 'How do you know which gear to bring?' Turns out most topics are fascinating if you dig past surface level,'" he shared.

3. Stopped trying to be the smartest person in the room.
To do this, he explained that he stopped correcting people and one-upping people's stories. "[I] Started asking 'How did you figure that out?' or 'What made you think of that approach?' instead. People love explaining their thought process and you actually learn stuff," he wrote.

4. Let people save face when they mess up.
"Coworker made a mistake in a meeting? Instead of pointing it out, I'd say 'Maybe we should double-check the numbers' or 'I might be missing something here.' They fix the error without looking stupid. They remember who had their back," he noted.

5. Actually listened instead of waiting for my turn to talk.
He noticed that he was not actively listening to others, and was always preparing responses rather than paying attention to what others were saying. To change this, he started to ask follow-up questions when someone answered.

"Conversations became way less exhausting because I wasn't constantly having to think what to say next," he explained.

listen, listening, active listening, actively listening, listen gifPrince What GIFGiphy

6. Found common ground with literally everyone.
The key for him was to find shared experiences and not focus on differences. "Turns out the a coworker and I both hate morning meetings. The quiet intern and I both love obscure podcasts. The annoying coworker and I both struggle with work-life balance. Connection beats competition every time," he shared.

7. Became a hype man for other people's wins.
He became a cheerleader for others, highlighting their successes. "'Did you hear Sarah closed that big deal?' 'Mike's presentation was incredible, did you see it?' Takes zero effort but people remember who celebrates their success."

hype man, hype up, hyping, hype gif, celebrateSeason 20 Nbc GIF by The VoiceGiphy

8. Stopped arguing about stupid stuff.
Rather than adopt a combative attitude that resulted in debate, he chose to let things go. "Now when someone says something I disagree with, I either let it go or say 'I never thought about it that way' and actually consider their perspective. Relationships improved overnight," he added.

9. Started admitting when I was wrong.
Taking a humble approach when making mistakes paid off. "'You're right, I messed that up' became my new superpower," he explained. "People expect defensiveness, so honesty catches them off guard. They usually respond with understanding instead of judgment."

admit wrong, i was wrong, i stand corrected, wrong, admitParamount Network Beth Dutton GIF by YellowstoneGiphy

10. Asked for advice instead of giving it.
A big change: he stopped telling people what they should do. "I started asking 'What do you think would work best?' or 'What's your gut telling you?' People already know their answers most of the time, they just want someone to listen," he shared.

11. Made people feel important.
Finally, making sure others felt noticed became priority. "'I really liked how you handled that difficult client' or 'Your way of explaining complex stuff makes so much sense.' Genuine appreciation, not generic compliments," he wrote.

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Parenting

Parenting experts share 8 toxic phrases to never use with kids

They instantly make kids not want to listen.

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Parenting experts explain why parents should avoid saying these toxic phrases.

There is no such thing as the "perfect parent." Since people aren't perfect, their parenting can't be either. In fact, there are a number of things that can cause parents to unintentionally hurt their kids--from generational trauma to stress and frustration. Sometimes the most loving parents can spew out toxic words and phrases to their kids.

Not only can this lead to further behavioral issues, but it can instill in them toxic messages they will carry into future relationships--and as parents themselves one day. Being aware of toxic parenting phrases before they are used is a positive first step, followed by understanding why and how they can impact kids.

These are eight of the most common toxic phrases parents should avoid saying to their kids, according to parenting experts.

1. Never say: 'You look terrible.'

Sure, it may be coming from an honest place, but parents who use this phrase may be unknowingly image shaming their kids, causing insecurities to "skyrocket," according to the experts at Psych2Go. It could also possibly lead to body issues in the future.

2. Never say: 'You're a freak.'

By saying this to your child, you may be imprinting the message that they are "ill-fitting to the world," and also implying "there is something wrong with them as a person," notes Pysch2Go.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

3. Never say: 'You know better than that.'

According to parenting coach Reem Raouda, parents should say instead: "Something's getting in the way of your best self right now. Let's talk about it."

She explains that this avoids shaming your child, and reframes the scenario from punishment to partnership. "It assumes the best in your child and encourages self-reflection instead of defensiveness. It sends the message: 'I believe in you, and I'm here to help'," says Raouda.

4. Never say: 'You're so immature.'

Emotions like disgust, ridicule, and shame may be triggered if you say this to your child, notes Psych2Go.

5. Never say: 'Because I said so.'

Raouda shares that saying this to your child not only shuts down communication, but it also teaches blind obedience.

Instead, you can try saying: "I know you don't like this decision. I'll explain, and then we're moving forward." "You're not debating or negotiating—you're modeling respectful leadership. This phrasing acknowledges their feelings and reinforces that you're in charge in a calm, grounded way," she says.

6. Never say: 'This is your fault.'

This phrase is manipulative, according to Psych2Go. "A parent placing blame on their child and acting victimized causes the child to feel like a burden or even a curse. This can lead to them going to great lengths to avoid being a so-called problem, maybe even enslaving themselves to maintain acceptance."

7. Never say: 'Show me some respect.'

Of course, respect should be given when it is properly due. But parents who command this of their kids can not only be confusing, but also stunt your child's critical thinking and questioning, shares Psych2Go.

8. Never say: 'Do what I say or else.'

Saying this to your child is "an outright threat," which totally dismisses your child's needs and desires. In turn, this can lead to your child feeling unworthy of anything but your whims as a parent, says Psych2Go.

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Parenting

Gen Xer asking about Boomers' 'emotional immaturity' taps a multi-generational parenting issue

“If we don’t ASK about it or TALK about it, the problem doesn’t exist!”

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People discuss what it's like growing up with emotionally immature parents.

Parenting styles change every generation. Gen X parents didn't have technology (i.e. Google) to rely on to raise their kids, while Millennial parents today are all about gentle parenting. While Boomers have come under fire for being absent parents and grandparents, a common gripe that people have about their parents from all generations is their lack of emotional maturity.

In a Reddit forum of Gen Xers, member @Architecturegirl opened the discussion about emotionally immature parents. She explains that after reading a book on adult children of emotionally immature parents, she noted that while many Boomer parents have been accused of being emotionally immature--it really had nothing to do with their generation. "I had never really thought of emotional immaturity - like an inability to admit mistakes or preferring mind-numbing, polite conversation to meaningful connection - might be a generational issue," she wrote.

Rather, being raised by emotionally immature parents is a common multi-generational parenting issue--and many people have opened up about what the realities of being raised by emotionally immature parents looked like. Plus, they shared how they are finding healing. These are their most relatable stories.

mature, emotional maturity, emotionally immature, emotional immaturity, emotional intelligenceThis Country Comedy GIF by BBC ThreeGiphy

Stories

"In my house, the solution to any emotion-related problem (bullying, divorce, feeling disappointed, the fact that they sold my puppy during my birthday party so I 'wouldn’t notice,' and any/all lesser difficulties) was: 'if we don’t ASK about it or TALK about it, the problem doesn’t exist!' If got too big to be unnoticeable, the advice was something like, 'just ignore it,' and/or 'everything will be fine.' Or, the BLANK STARE: ie. 'I do not want to hear about this…we don’t talk about THAT…quit bothering me.'" —@Architecturegirl

"I had cancer and my mother told me she couldn’t talk about it because it was her biggest fear. Bugger my fears (I survived obviously and have been in remission for 25 years). Anything serious in my life she’ll just walk away as I’m talking or give a little laugh like she’s pretending to listen but has no idea of how wrong her reaction is to what I’m saying. It’s taken me 53 years but I’ve finally given up discussing anything of importance to me with her. They’re such a damaged (and damaging) generation." —@PuzzleheadedCat9986

"Among my friends and I who are Gen X it is a perfect 50-50 split between parents having emotional intelligence and those that don't. Two anecdotes: My wife's mother will still not say 'period' or 'sex.' They were 'the thing' (raised eyebrow) and the other thing (said in a disgusted tone). That was the sum total of the support my wife got. A friend grew up with a step father his whole childhood (bio father left right after birth). Step Dad was always detached and disinterested, and always drinking. Not violent, but not interested. When we were college age, his step dad got sober and realized what he had missed. Apologized and grew. Really made the effort to the point that in his late twenties my friend agreed to be officially adopted and changed his last name. Step dad is currently the most supportive and most present grandad of our group of friends." —@Mourning_Walk

silent treatment, emotional maturity, emotional immaturity, the silent treatment, giving silent treatmentWill Forte Silent Treatment GIF by hero0fwarGiphy

"My mother and the silent treatment are like 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽. I don’t think that woman has ever once used her words to express displeasure or disappointment, just a lot of huffing, puffing, slamming cabinets, eye rolls and going days without speaking. Her record was once 17 whole days! It was the most peaceful 17 days of my teenage life 😂." —@ThickConfusion1318

"My mom can’t take criticism. Like at all. If I say, 'Hey, you said/did this thing that really hurt me.' Her response is usually either to blame me and point out something completely unrelated that I did as a 'See? You’re not perfect either!', make excuses 'I meant something totally different than what I said, so it’s fine.', act like I’m completely overreacting 'You’re so over dramatic! You’re always upset over everything and I have to walk on eggshells!' Or to just get angry and start berating me for daring to bring it up to begin with. So it pretty much puts me in a position where I can’t talk to her about anything at all wrong in our relationship because she’s immediately going to take it as an attack and get defensive no matter how gently I word it. She always ends up upset and nothing is solved. So the best I can do is put distance and space between us to protect myself. And she keeps wondering why I never call or visit anymore." —@barb4290

"I am pretty sure that as a generation, millennials suffered from emotional neglect from our parents. For me it was just as simple as my parents being unable to show any type of affection and would avoid/refuses certain topics of conversations. my mom was pretty dismissive and acted as it was an annoyance for her when I got my first period. She acted similarly as I hit several milestone growing up and it just never felt safe to talk to her about anything. Also, my dad would throw tantrums whenever he would not get his way, then blame my mom." —@therdre

angry, anger, handle emotions, mad, emotionalAngry Inside Out GIF by Disney PixarGiphy

"Growing up, my mother was not able to compartmentalize her stress from her job as a public school teacher. Would take it out on me for not eating peas or something at dinner, and I'd end up being yelled at by dad because he'd always take her side. Didn't understand until I got older, and they're still together, but at the time I was like wtf you see this, its crazy." —@SeenNotScene

Healing Solutions

"'Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents' by Lindsay Gibson is the GenX guidebook to dealing with all of our trauma spilling out at midlife. This book / concept comes up often in this subreddit. Personally it helped me a lot." —@ND_Poet

"One thing I needed to come to terms with is that I cannot control my mother’s actions or feelings. Period. It was not my responsibility to do that. It was her responsibility to manage those things. It had been hers for a very long time, since way before ny sisters and I were even a thought. Once I understood that - not only on an intellectual level but an actual felt level, it became easier to make choices for my own well being. Boundaries. As others have said." —@Stop_Already

boundaries, setting boundaries, boundary setting, boundary, healthy boundariesJake Johnson Fox GIF by New GirlGiphy

"Here's what I have determined after raising kids to young adulthood. My parents did the best they could with the hand they were dealt. They did better than their own parents." —@Reader47b

"Finally, at age 48, I stepped away from their table, that I kept trying to sit at. I was trying to rescue them. Finally realized, I can't. They make the same amount of noise whether I am safe on shore, or jump in to the deep end and drown trying to rescue. Same amount of noise. And it does zero good. Put yourself first. Then your spouse and any kiddos next. That's it. It's ok to go low or no contact. It sort of hasn't mattered in my situation. And it's ok to grieve that you didn't have the parents you needed, and if you have kids, they won't have the grandparents they needed either. But you can be your parent (reparent yourself), and be the best damn grandparent if that is where you get to be. Break the cycle. You are worth it." —@redtail_rising

"One thing that helps me is to remember that it's not her fault she's like that (her parents were abusive - I don't think her emotionally capabilities developed normally). And keep my distance if she's upset about something. I am not her therapist, she cannot make me be her therapist, and I cannot convince her to go to therapy. Her mental health is not my problem." —@WhiskerWarrior2435

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"The book 'Stop Walking on Eggshells' by Paul Mason and Randi Krieger is geared toward coping with family who have BPD, but it is a good overall guide on how to set boundaries and protect yourself against toxic/dysfunctional family, regardless of underlying pathology. Highly recommend. It allowed me to finally have a relationship with my mother that didn't leave me a mess after every conversation." —@UserUnknown

"I set hard boundaries and distanced myself from them as early as possible. I accepted that I was not responsible for their feelings or the outcomes of their decisions. I stopped trying to help/correct them because they didn't want to hear it and it just created friction/tension. I just came to accept that my parents didn't want to change/learn and that was a core aspect of who they were. And, even if they did want to, they didn't want to do so as a result of interactions with me because they were accustomed to a power dynamic in which I was subordinate to them and my being an adult wasn't going to cause them to forfeit any of that power." —@DerHoggenCatten

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