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Behold! The authentic recipe for '80s school cafeteria rectangle pizza.

Now you can make the rubbery but nostalgic pizza from the comfort of your own home.

Canva Photos & U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, Food and Nutrition Service

Everyone who came of age in the 80s and 90s remembers rectangle pizza.

If you grew up in the '80s or '90s, I'd like you to close your eyes. In your mind, you are now back in your elementary school cafeteria. You're walking past all the tables full of other kids, trying not to trip or pee your pants or do anything else embarrassing that will submarine your reputation for the next decade. You approach the line and grab a tray, and the kindly lunch lady takes it from you and serves you up a heaping portion of today's main course. What is it?

If you're like most millennials and Gen Xers, you're almost certainly thinking of that very specific rectangular, and more than a bit rubbery, pizza. Doesn't matter if you grew up in Los Angeles, Dallas, Tampa Bay, Boston, or anywhere in between. It doesn't even matter if your parents packed your lunch. You remember eating this pizza almost every single day of your youth. And while the local Papa Johns or boutique Neapolitan pizzeria is fine, deep inside, you yearn for the square. It's the one that taught you how to love pizza. Was it good? It doesn't matter. It made you who you are today.

'80s and '90s kids, you're in luck. Clever Internet sleuths have uncovered the original recipe for the school cafeteria pizza of yesteryear.

pizza, school, school lunch, food, recipes, youth, 80s, 90s, nostalgia, 80s nostalgia, 90s nostalgiaThe only thing more influential to the public image of pizza than school lunch were the Ninja Turtles.Giphy

The Internet Archive has been quietly collecting documents for years now from a little government agency called the U.S. Department of Agriculture, Food and Nutrition Service division.

They have pretty boring names, like this one from 1988 called "Quantity recipes for school food service." But inside these hand-scanned handbooks is an absolute treasure trove, and that's where some fine citizen initially discovered the Holy Grail: Pizza with Cheese Topping.

Behold. If you've ever wanted to recapture the whimsy and imagination of being a child in the '80s, you can now do it in your very own kitchen. Here's the exact recipe.

pizza, school, school lunch, food, recipes, youth, '80s, '90s, nostalgia,' 80s nostalgia, '90s nostalgiaI'm convinced it was the marjoram that captured our young hearts all those years ago.U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, Food and Nutrition Service

After all these years, we now know that the secret "sauce," figuratively and literally, is: dehydrated onions, garlic powder, black pepper, tomato paste, water, basil, oregano, marjoram, and thyme.

I'm no Gordon Ramsay, but the key ingredient to me seems to be marjoram. That's an herb from the mint family that's not exactly a staple in most people's kitchens at home. It must be what gave school pizza the little extra kick that helped it claw its way deep into our hearts and brains for decades.

Of course, to get the full effect of Pizza With Cheese Topping, you'd have to find a way to source the same ingredients. And obviously, different school districts across the country may have cooked up their own versions of this basic formula.

But this is a pretty spot-on approximation.

pizza, school, school lunch, food, recipes, youth, 80s, 90s, nostalgia, 80s nostalgia, 90s nostalgiaThere are a lot of memes and jokes about how school lunch in the 90s wasn't very healthy, but these stats aren't too bad.U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, Food and Nutrition Service

If you're intrigued but don't actually feel like going through this process yourself, don't worry. Someone on Reddit went through all the steps recently and posted their results. A quick reminder for anyone bold enough to try this at home: The recipe above created five full-size sheet pans of pizza, or 100 slices. It uses three pounds of tomato paste and a whopping 12 pounds of mozzarella cheese.

When properly scaled, the final product looks something like this. Cowabunga, dude!



The handbook from 1988 also includes such coveted recipes as Salisbury Steak, Spaghetti with Meat Sauce, Meatloaf, and Mac and Cheese. Put it all together and you've got pretty much the entire school lunch menu of our youth.

Experts say food is one of the most powerful things on the planet when it comes to memory and nostalgia. Why? Bond University writes, "Food.. engages multiple senses: taste, smell, texture, sight and sound."

Smell, in particular, is extremely closely linked to the part of the brain that forms strong, vivid memories. To this day, sometimes I'll smell something that reminds me of middle school, and I don't know why—maybe it was the body spray someone wore or the subtle smell of the school. Food is just like that, but even more potent. It also brings with it other memories of friendship, love, family, or even negative memories of being bullied or feeling left out.

All kidding aside, your memories of school lunch (and rectangular cheese pizza in particular) may not be all sunshine and roses. But I'd be willing to bet they are some of the most vivid and stubborn memories you have. It could be fun to spend an evening recreating the smells, textures, and tastes to see what kind of other memories it stirs up.

You know that feeling you get when you walk into a classroom and see someone else's stuff on your desk?

OK, sure, there are no assigned seats, but you've been sitting at the same desk since the first day and everyone knows it.

So why does the guy who sits next to you put his phone, his book, his charger, his lunch, and his laptop in the space that's rightfully yours? It's annoying.



All you want to do was walk in, sit down, get out your notebook and (try to) pay attention. But now? Now you've got to talk to a stranger about moving their stuff and there goes your day, already bogged down with petty annoyances.

Sound familiar? It should.

We've all got so much to do these days that interacting with people we see every day — not our friends, but our classmates, fellow commuters, co-workers, the people in line for coffee with us every day — can feel like a burden.

So, when these people do something we perceive as annoying, like putting their stuff on our desks, we don't have the time or the energy to assume their intentions or think about the lives they're leading.

But if we stepped out of ourselves for a second, we might just realize that we're all much more connected than we think, that our preconceived notions of others are usually just that — preconceived. And, often, inaccurate.

That's why this Twitter story about a guy who learned an important life lesson from a classmate he was frustrated with is going viral.

It's the perfect example of that "don't judge a book by its cover" adage we should have all learned in preschool but sometimes forget. And it starts the exact same way as this post — with a college student groaning on the inside as he sees someone's stuff on his desk.





If not for this one day running late, McFall may have never realized what his classmate was trying to do. And he may have continued to think of him as annoying, maybe telling others about "the weird guy who was always trying to take up my space"... when all the guy was really trying to do was be kind.

We all misinterpret the actions of others sometimes. It's easy to do that!

But if there's one thing this story reminds us, it's that it's important to stop and remember that while you're living your life, other people are living theirs, so assuming best intentions can do us a great favor.

That's why we should step outside of our bubbles and engage with the world on a regular basis.

You could make a new friend. You might brighten someone's day.

But most importantly, getting out of your own head, checking your own biases, and giving others the benefit of the doubt will make you a more compassionate person.

You don't have to engage with everyone you meet, but the next time someone smiles and offers you a high-five?

Maybe just take them up on it.


This article was originally published on April 16, 2018.

Schools

Elementary teacher explains why we can't keep using schools as band-aids for society's ills

"We now need schools to reopen so that kids can eat, get healthcare, get clothes, shoes, and school supplies, be safe, be healthy, and be supervised. Oh, and so that they can get an education."

The challenges facing America's public school systems is sadly nothing new to any parent who has navigated the ups and downs of looking after their child's educations. There are wildly different solutions, and pain points, for people of all backgrounds and views. But one undeniable factor is how an increasing burden is placed on teachers and schools themselves. We all know America's schools need to do better for the future adults of our society but the only thing we seem to have silently agreed upon is to avoid addressing the problems at hand.

A 2020 Facebook post by an award-winning teacher from Iowa, Alison Hoeman, has beautifully explained how society has dumped most of its failings onto the shoulders of schools and teachers. These challenges became heightened during the peak of the Coronavirus lockdowns but remain just as strikingly relevant today.



Hoeman wrote on Facebook:

"Society: In the richest country in the world, between 11 and 13 million children live in food insecure homes.

Schools: We can help..... Kids can eat breakfast and lunch at school, and in many places, teachers will spend their own money on snacks. For the most needy, we will send food home for dinner and weekends.

Society: Over 4 million children in the US do not have health insurance or adequate healthcare.

Schools: We can help..... we will bring doctors to do free physicals, eye exams, and dental treatments right at school. In many places, school nurses will spend their own money on sanitary supplies for girls.

Society: Over 17% of US children live without basic necessities.

Schools: We can help.... we will install washers and dryers in schools. We will hand out clothes, school supplies, shoes, and winter coats for free. Many of these items are purchased by school nurses and teachers.


man in black shirt sitting beside woman in white shirt Photo by Saúl Bucio on Unsplash

Society: There are 5.5 million reports annually of physical abuse, sexual abuse, and neglect of minors.

Schools: We can help.... schools will be safe places and teachers will be safe people. We will have some counselors, but not enough.... some therapists, but not enough, right in the schools. Teachers with minimal training in trauma will come to school early and stay late to mentor these children. Teachers will spend more time with their students than with their own children. Teachers will cry and sometimes crumble at the thought of not being able to do more for the innocent children in their care.

Society: Almost 25% of US children have parents that work past school hours.

Schools: We can help.... we will install before and after school programs in thousands of schools where kids can get another meal, get help with their homework, and participate in organized activities.

Society: Almost 14 million children in the US are obese.

Schools: we can help... Physical Education classes will be mandatory and we will incorporate lessons about healthy food choices.

Society: The US averages one school shooting every 77 days.


woman standing in front of children Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

School: We can help... we will do lock down drills and train our students to hide and be quiet. And if need be, teachers will literally die for their students.

Society: We are in the midst of a global pandemic which our government has failed to control. Almost 130,000 Americans are dead and the numbers are rising, not declining, in many places. Because we have chosen to ignore, for decades, the racism, inequality, and discrimination that is at the root of all the aforementioned problems, we now need schools to reopen so that kids can eat, get healthcare, get clothes, shoes, and school supplies, be safe, be healthy, and be supervised. Oh, and so that they can get an education. It appears that COVID doesn't affect children, so let's go back to school.

Teachers: We can help.... of course we will help, that's what we do. We miss our students and want to be back at school with them.... but what about the 25-30% of us that are over the age of 50? What about those of us who are immunocompromised or live with someone who is? What about those of us who are pregnant... we still have very limited data on what COVID does to unborn children. Will you have PPE for us? Will you have hand sanitizer for us? What if we get sick, and don't have enough sick days to cover the time that we are out? What if a family member gets sick and we need to care for them?

Society: Wow, why are you suddenly being a bunch of crybabies? Before you were always willing to sacrifice your time, your money, your mental health.... and now when we need you, you aren't willing to sacrifice your health and possibly your life? But 75% of you are women.... and that's what we, as a society, expect women to do... sacrifice yourself for others.


girl sitting on chair Photo by Yogendra Singh on Unsplash

* For decades, schools and teachers have been the band-aid on society's failings, because we care about children.... because we know that in society's failings, it is almost always the children that suffer the most. Schools and teachers are not responsible for, or capable of, the repair of our broken America. Make no mistake that going back to school has very little to do with education and much more to do with the other social services that schools provide... we need children's to return to school so that they are fed, cared for, and supervised... so that their parents can go back to work and participate in the economy. While it literally breaks the heart of every teacher in America to think of all of the children that they know who are not eating enough, not being well cared for, and not safe in their home, teachers will not be the lambs sent to slaughter because no one else cared enough to actually address the racism, discrimination, and inequality that is at the root of our problems, while schools and teachers were picking up all the slack and holding it all together with a band-aid that is growing very thin."

Since everything is already turned upside down anyway, perhaps now would be a good opportunity for us to reexamine how we as a society—one with a "government of the people, by the people, and for the people"—handles issues like hunger, poverty, child abuse, health and healthcare, working parents balancing childcare, etc. The fact that we've tacitly decided to address these problems through underfunded school systems with overworked teachers and school personnel is rather ridiculous. It's not fair to teachers, parents, or kids to expect schools to fix everything. It's high time to tackle our ills head on, with resources and experience and expertise that makes sense, and stop treating gaping holes with bandaids that weren't designed for such a purpose in the first place.


This article originally appeared on 7.10.20

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
selective focal photo of crayons in yellow box

It's back-to-school time (yaaassss!), but that means it's also the time when you have to tackle those super-long, super-specific school supply lists (uggghhhh!).

You know what I'm talking about — the 15-plus-items-long list of things your kids need for school.

As a bonus, they're often brand-name specific. Seriously. Because Elmer's glue is apparently just that different from generic store brand glue.


Based on the venting ( "OMG, everyone is sold out of pre-sharpened Dixon Ticonderoga #2 pencils!") and cries for help I'm seeing from my fellow parents on social media ("Where did you find three wide-ruled draw-and-write composition books?" — OK, I admit that was my question), a lot of our public school kiddos are being given supply lists quite similar to this one:

woman in white and multicolored floral long-sleeved mini dress with green backpackPhoto by Tamara Bellis on Unsplash

Sample school supply list created from actual lists I've collected. Some items have been switched between lists to protect the innocent.

While many public schools send these lists to parents, in certain states they're "requests" not "requirements" (even when not clearly presented that way) because some states cannot legally require students to provide their own school supplies.

Optional or required, however, these school supply lists are important.

I know, I know — lots of us parents have many feelings about them, like:

  • We didn't have to buy a specific list of supplies when we were kids (walking uphill both ways, two miles, in the snow).
  • This is public school, not private school! Can't the glue sticks come out of my taxes?
  • This list is so name-brand specific. Are Elmer's glue sticks reallllyyyy that superior to these cheaper, generic ones?
  • Seriously?? So many glue sticks?! Just ... what?

And we can all agree that it's not right that public school budgets are regularly slashed and aren't big enough to cover the basic necessities essential for our kids' success. (You know, like pencils.) And in some cases, budgets are misused, and that's not right, either.

black cordless headphones beside sport bottle and notebookPhoto by KOBU Agency on Unsplash

But as much as parents dread shopping for school supplies, our children's teachers probably dread having to ask.

Katie Sluiter, a mom of three and teacher of 13 years, shares in parents' frustrations about supplies — just from a different perspective. "I struggle every single August with having to ask for [supply] donations. I hate it," she says.

She'd love to stop asking parents to bring in a combined total of 800 pencils and 1,000 glue sticks and just buy them herself. But as a teacher, she simply cannot afford to do it.

"I hate that we have two full-time salaried workers in our house. ... I have an advanced degree, and we are still living paycheck to paycheck. It feels shameful to have to ask every. single. year. for donations. Teachers don't want to ask for handouts. We just want to teach."

"Teachers don't want to ask for handouts. We just want to teach." — Katie Sluiter

Nicole Johansen, a mom of two who was a teacher for 12 years, echoes Sluiter's sentiments. She cites never ending budget cuts as well as the need to stretch other funds, like PTO-raised money, further and further as the reasons supply lists exist and adds, "It is frustrating knowing that schools should be appropriately allotted funds for supplies — this said from the parent AND teacher standpoint."

So most of us are on the same page here. Class supply lists are the pits ... for everyone!

The most significant thing to remember, though, is that if your budget allows, it's important to purchase the items on the list.

If you're not purchasing the supplies, it's very likely your child's teacher will have to — with his or her own money.

Image by Thinkstock.

And we've already established that teacher salaries aren't cutting it when it comes to taking care of their families and their students.

And maybe it's not so much that teachers have to spend their own paychecks on classroom supplies, but they want to because an overwhelming majority of teachers genuinely care about their students.

"I wish all parents knew how much teachers love and sacrifice for their students," Johansen said. "Pretty much all teachers I know will be spending for their classroom despite having to cut back the grocery bill for their family."

"I wish all parents knew how much teachers love and sacrifice for their students." — Nicole Johansen

"No, we don't have to spend all that time and money on our classrooms, but it makes it a quality experience when your children have things like science experiments, books, art supplies, and a comfortable, cozy classroom environment."

woman wearing white sweaterPhoto by Yustinus Tjiuwanda on Unsplash

OK, but seriously, what do they do with all of those glue sticks?!

I know I'm not the only one who opened up that list when my daughter was in first grade, choked on my coffee, and exclaimed, "THREE DOZEN GLUE STICKS?! What, are the kids eating them? [Probably. Little kids eat all kinds of gross stuff.] Are the teachers selling them for profit? [I wouldn't blame them. See above about teachers' salaries]."

Image by Thinkstock.

"We glue kids' mouths shut," Sluiter told me when I asked.

"Totally kidding. They last like 12 seconds ... [and] no matter how vigilant we are in supervising the picking up and putting away of supplies, each time we get the tub of glue sticks out, there are about three to five dead soldiers and lone caps rolling in the bottom of the bin."

(I love teachers with senses of humor!)

But back to the actual issue.

My friend Shannon summed up the class supply list conundrum perfectly, if bluntly:

She wants parents who can budget in school supplies without experiencing a financial burden to "quit complaining about some of the items being communal. Vote for politicians who will quit cutting money from schools. I don't remember my parents having to buy 20 glue sticks, but I certainly don't think any more should come out of teachers' pockets."

Couldn't have said it better myself.


This story originally appeared on 08.11.15.