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Parenting

Teachers share the tell-tale signs they know a parent truly cares about their kid

"When the child speaks, the adult listens. When the adult speaks, the child listens."

Image via Canva

Teachers share insights on the signs parents truly care about their kids.

Few people spend more time with kids than teachers. From the classroom to the playground, teachers have deep and intuitive insight into what their students' relationships are like with their parents, and many teachers can tell when parents are invested and truly care about their kids.

In a Reddit forum, member @allsfairinwar posed the question: "Teachers of Reddit: What are some small, subtle ways you can tell a child’s parent really cares about them?"

Teachers from all education levels shared their insight. From elementary teachers to high school teachers, these educators offered their firsthand experience with students that informed them about their relationship with parents at home. These are their most powerful observations.

art, kids art, child painting, kids art project, finger paint Hit It Bang Bang GIF by Eddie & Laura Burton Realty Group Giphy

"When the parent stops and actually looks at their kid's art/work/listens about their day before heading home. I know everyone gets busy but damn don't shove the art your kid is proud of right in their bag without first looking at it. We do the same piece of art for a week. They spent 2 hours on that, spare 2 minutes to show them their effort is worth something to you." —@Worldly_Might_3183

"When the child speaks, the adult listens. When the adult speaks, the child listens." —@homerbartbob

"When the parents are familiar with the child’s friends and talk to their child’s friends, I know they’re listening to their child talk about their day at school. Or when parents let slip that they got a full recap of something I said or that happened at school. I know they are having conversations with their child at home, and paying attention." —@Pinkrivrdolphn

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"When the kid is happy/quick to tell their parents about things. Not just serious or important things, but just random bullsh*t. Do I care about Minecraft? Not really. Do I care that my kid cares about Minecraft? Very much. Lay it on me kid. Spare no detail." —@IJourden

"They let their kids fail and experience natural consequences. Good parents are preparing their children to be adults, and part of that is learning responsibility and accountability. Let your kids make mistakes and learn from them!" —@oboe_you_didnt

"You can tell a lot about home life based on students behavior the week leading up to a break. If they are happy/excited/giddy/endearingly obnoxious I know they are going somewhere safe to someone who cares. The students who don’t have that are often increasingly anxious/angry/withdrawn/acting out." —@pulchritudinousprout

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"The moment that a parent greets the child at the end of the day is very telling. Some parents clearly want to know all about their child's day and connect with them, some don't." —@Smug010

"When I make positive contact home and the parent speaks glowingly about their own kid. It’s great to hear." —@outtodryclt

"A few years back, I heard a parent ask their kid if they found someone to be kind to today. That made a real impact on me. Now I try to remind my own kids to 'find someone to be kind to' if I’m doing drop off and/or ask 'Who were you kind to today?' after school." —@AspiringFicWriter

"When a student asks for help, they actually need the help. They are not doing it just to get your attention."—@Typical_Importance65

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"It doesn’t always mean everything is perfect at home, but a child who is well-groomed is always a good sign. That doesn’t always mean the most fashionable clothes or perfect hair, just that the child is clean, their clothes are clean and appropriate for the weather. Also when a child knows how to celebrate their own wins and isn’t afraid of making a mistake or being wrong- that shows that their parents have modeled good emotional regulation." —@itscornelectric

"They get them services when they’re struggling. I work with kids with disabilities and the learning outcomes/experience of school (and by extension, the greater world) for kids who have their needs met is far different to those who don’t. The number of parents who respond to a teacher saying 'I think it might be worth John seeing an OT/a speech therapist/ getting his eyes checked' with something along the lines of 'f*ck you, what would you know?' Is astounding. The parents who make appointments, share information from specialists with the school, and are proactive about their children’s abilities or disabilities - their kids see such improvements." —@prison_industrial_co

"They ask thoughtful questions. Even something that seems routine to adults like, 'How is/was your day?' I'm in elementary, and it's appropriate for kids to talk mostly about themselves. Kids who ask thoughtful questions are doing so because it's consistently modeled. It's also not very common (again, age appropriate egocentrism) so it stands out." —@mundane-mondays

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"When you know they're being exposed to reading at home. Maybe they can read at a higher level or they're mastering their sight words. For students with learning disabilities, the kids are trying their hardest to read, using context clues, using pictures and making up a story, or even making different voices for characters. When I was in a low functioning Autistic support room, this one little boy couldn't form words, but he made noises is different voices and used dramatic face expressions on each page to represent characters talking." —@Mediocre-Bee-9262

"Accountability. A good parent knows that their kids isn't perfect and if the kid does something wrong (like hitting or bullying other kids) they don't look for excuses, or for how the other kid provoked that behavior, but helps their kid understand why their behavior was hurtful." —@SadlyNotDannyDeVito

This article originally appeared in June.

Canva Photos

A 5th grade class erupted in controversy after an insensitive assignment about slavery.

The slave trade is an extremely dark and horrific part of American history. It's impossible to talk about the history of our country without it, but it's also difficult to talk about with the right level of sensitivity, respect, nuance, and context. Millions of people died directly because of the Atlantic slave trade, which is to say nothing of the inhumane cruelty that the survivors of enslavement suffered.

How do you explain something so unimaginably awful to children? No one would ever say it's easy, but outdated curriculums and even insensitive teachers have been bungling it for decades. Poorly thought-out slavery lessons have been a problem in American schools for a long time now.

In an effort to help kids make sense of something so truly senseless, assignments often try to put kids in the shoes of slave owners and ask that they understand the reasons and logic behind the practice. This is the wrong lesson, and stories like this one show exactly why.

In 2019, 5th grade students at Blades Elementary School were given an assignment on the trading market of early Colonial settlers. One of the questions was completely outrageous.

According to a photo posted on Facebook by Lee Hart, the assignment read:

"You own a plantation or farm and therefore need more workers. You begin to get involved in the slave trade industry and have slaves work on your farm. Your product to trade is slaves.

"Set your price for a slave," it continued, offering a blank space for children to write in their answer. "These could be worth a lot. You may trade for any items you'd like."

The post went viral in local Facebook groups at the time, quickly attracting media attention and outrage among fellow parents.

"Unimaginable that a teacher would think this way okay," one commenter wrote.

"How stupid, insensitive, racial, unbelievable in today’s world. The teacher needs to be penalized for this," someone said.

"Any teacher, as we approach 2020, should be educated and sensitive enough to know that there are better examples that could be used to teach this lesson, which would not make anyone uncomfortable," another user added.

See the assignment here. It's hard to believe without seeing it with your own eyes.

slavery, assignment, american history, slave trade, plantation owners Lee Hart www.facebook.com

You can see immediately where the assignment went wrong. Instead of teaching about the horrors of enslaving another human being, we're building empathy for the poor slave owners who just need someone to work their land so they can get by. While the context of how the early trade-based economy worked is important for children to learn, how we talk about it is even more important.

Can you imagine an assignment that prompted children to put themselves in the Nazi's shoes during the Holocaust? Exactly.

Assignments like this one have been going home with students for years. This is just one of the latest examples and, somehow, incidents like this one are still happening.

slavery, early america, united states of america, education, schools, classroom, parents, controversy, colonial america, civil war Parents of the 5th grade students were outraged.Canva Photos

In another school, children were asked to share the pros and cons of slavery, including giving at least three "good" reasons for it. In another incident, kids were asked to write fake Tweets from the perspective of slave owners, and the Tweets were printed and posted in the school's hallway with jaw-dropping hashtags like #slaveryforlife. In yet another assignment, middle school students were asked to brainstorm punishments for slaves in ancient Mesopotamia.

Some powerful parties in America don't want schools teaching the real, ugly truth of how our country was founded, and that's undeniably making this problem worse. The 1776 Commission was launched in 2020 by then-President Donald Trump and was re-commissioned again in January of 2025. It pushes for what it calls "patriotic education." You can guess what that means.

The official report is full of hemming and hawing and explaining away of the atrocities of slavery, harping on why the practice was a necessary evil.

"Many Americans labor under the illusion that slavery was somehow a uniquely American evil," the report says.

It argues that, because other countries did slavery first, that it wasn't so bad that America partook in the cruel practice. It also bends over backwards to applaud the founding fathers for half-measures and minor compromises, like George Washington freeing his own slaves shortly before his death in 1799.

The federal government doesn't control the minutiae of state curriculums, but can withhold public school funding when it's not happy about what's being taught or how the money is being used. PBS writes that over 20 states have passed laws that "restrict how history can be taught in public schools" in the last 10 years or so.

slavery, early america, united states of america, education, schools, classroom, parents, controversy, colonial america, civil war The classroom is supposed to be a safe space for all students. Photo by Ivan Aleksic on Unsplash

For the school's part, the principal of Blades Elementary at the time apologized for the incident and the teacher was placed on administrative leave after expressing their remorse.

"Asking a student to participate in a simulated activity that puts a price on a person is not acceptable," Superintendent Chris Gaines said according to ABC News. "Racism of any kind, even inadvertently stemming from cultural bias, is wrong and is not who we aspire to be as a school district."

Being a teacher is hard, especially with immense pressure coming from the very top to speak of American history in only pre-approved, white-washed ways. But we've definitely got to do better than this.

Students

A study has been following 'gifted' kids for over 50 years. Here's what we've learned.

Some of what we thought about gifted students turned out to be very wrong.

What can we learn from letting seventh graders take the SAT?

In the 1960s, psychologist Julian Stanley realized that if you took the best-testing seventh graders from around the country and gave them standard college entry exams, those kids would score, on average, about as well as the typical college-bound high school senior. However, the seventh graders who scored as well or better than high schoolers, Stanley found, had off-the-charts aptitude in quantitative, logical, and spatial reasoning. In other words, they were gifted.

In the 1970s, Stanley and his team launched a full-scale study, identifying many of America's gifted kids and tracking them throughout their lives.

The study, called the Study of Mathematically Precocious Youth never ended and is now more than 50 years in the making. It has followed countless kids from middle school into their careers as some of America's top politicians, scientists, CEOs, engineers, and military leaders. Needless to say, a lot has changed with how students are today compared to 50 years ago.

Stanley passed away in the mid-2000s, but psychologist David Lubinski helped bring the study to Vanderbilt University in the 1990s, where he now co-directs it with Camilla P. Benhow.

It's not a stretch to call this the biggest and most in-depth study on intellectual "precociousness." The results of the study thus far are equal parts fascinating and genuinely surprising — a deeply insightful look into the minds and lives of brilliant children.

woman standing in front of children Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash



1. Some of what we used to think about gifted kids turned out to be wrong.

Ever heard the saying "early to ripe, early to rot"? It basically means doing "too much" to foster a kid's special talents and abilities at too young an age could actually cause harm in the long term.

That's not even remotely true, at least not according to Lubinski.

That might be an outdated example. But Lubinksi says there are plenty of other misconceptions still alive today, like the idea that gifted kids are so smart that they'll "find a way" to excel even if those smarts aren't nurtured and developed.

Not so fast. "They're kids," he explains. "They need guidance. We all need guidance."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

2. Intelligence is not the same as passion.

Quick, what's the "smartest" career you can think of. Doctor? Scientist?

While you do have to be pretty brilliant to work in medicine or science, those are far from the only career paths gifted kids choose later in life.

"Quantitatively, gifted people vary widely in their passions," Lubinski says. Many of the students in the study did end up pursuing medicine, but others went into fields like economics or engineering. Others still were more gifted in areas like logical or verbal reasoning, making them excellent lawyers and writers.

"There are all kinds of ways to express intellectual talent," Lubinski explains.

When it comes to doing what's best for a gifted student, it's just as important for parents and educators to know what the student is passionate about rather than pigeonholing them in traditionally "smart" fields and registering them in a bunch of STEM courses.

three people sitting in front of table laughing together Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

3. Hard work definitely still matters.

Measuring a student's aptitude, their natural abilities, is only one part of the equation when it comes to determining how successful they'll be in life. Aptitude scores can identify a particularly strong natural skill set but tell us very little about how hard that person might work to excel in that field.

Effort, Lubinski says, is a critical factor in determining how far someone's going to go in life. "If you look at exceptional performers in politics, science, music, and literature, they're working many, many hours," he says.

(And for the record, there are a lot more important things in life than just career achievement, like family, friends, and overall happiness.)

selective focus photography of jolly woman using peace hand gesture Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

4. Regardless of aptitude, every kid deserves to be treated as though they were gifted.

The study's focus is specifically on kids within a certain range of intellectual ability, but Lubinski is careful to note that many of its findings can and should be applied to all students.

For example, the kids in the study who were given an opportunity to take more challenging courses that aligned with their skills and interests ultimately went on to accomplish more than the students who were not afforded the same opportunity.

"You have to find out where your child's development is, how fast they learn, what are their strengths and relative weaknesses and tailor the curriculum accordingly," Lubinski says. "It's what you would want for all kids."

It may sound a bit like a pipe dream, but it's a great starting point for how we should be thinking about the future of education in America.

This article originally appeared eight years ago.

Education

Teacher creates 'controversy' by admitting that students should know their reading level

“I'm starting to think that we need to be more straightforward with students about their progress and where they're at academically."

A teacher showing her students their grades.

The results from 2024’s National Assessment of Educational Progress found that the slide in American students' reading abilities has only worsened. The percentage of 8th graders with “below basic” reading skills was 33%, the lowest in the exam’s three-decade history. The percentage of fourth graders “below basic” was the largest in 20 years, 40%.

“Our lowest performing students are reading at historically low levels,” said Peggy Carr, commissioner of the National Center for Education Statistics, which gives the NAEP exam. “We need to stay focused in order to right this ship.”

A big reason for the drop was the disruption in education caused by the COVID-19 pandemic, but educators are looking to see if there are other causes behind the drop in competency. “This is a major concern — a concern that can’t be blamed solely on the pandemic,” Carr said. “Our nation is facing complex challenges in reading.”




@amber.mariee44

Please give your feedback I can’t tell if this is a good idea or not #teacher #teachersbelike #teachertok #teacherlife #teachersoftiktok #highschool #literacy

Alarmed by the drop in reading scores, a high school teacher named Amber, who goes by @Amber.Maree44 on TikTok, is considering telling her students the grade level in which they read in hopes that it will motivate them and give them a reality check on their performance.

“I'm starting to think that we need to be more straightforward with students about their progress and where they're at academically,” Amber said. "I think they need to know what grade level they're performing at."

Amber’s perspective may also be helpful to parents. A 2023 study revealed a significant gap between parents' perceptions of their child's performance and their actual standing compared to grade-level standards. Nearly nine out of ten parents thought their child was at grade level, while about half were below grade level nationally.


students, teachers grades, amber teacher, literacy rates, declining scores, american education A teacher talking to a student about grades.via Canva/Photos


“I'm hesitant to do this because I know that we don't want students to feel bad about themselves, and I know that we don't know that we don't want to discourage students by showing them their deficits. So I think, for a lot of students, having a real reality check like that where it's like, 'Hey, you're in high school. But it looks like you're reading at a fifth-grade level,' I think some students need that in order to push themselves to actually try in school," she continued.

Amber’s suggestion runs counter to some in education who believe that if children are told they are below grade level, it will discourage them from reading. This may further deter their progress, and it is far from an imperfect process to determine where a child is with their reading skills.

"To the people saying 'oh but only tell the parents' no, the kid needs to know. the parents can't read for them, or do the work for them. also some parents don't care, or don't get it," Maria wrote in the comments. "I’m a teacher. I did this for years, and I would tell my students iif you aren’t at a level you’re proud of, I want you to know it’s NOT your fault. But if you choose not to fix it, it will be,'” McM added.

students, teachers grades, amber teacher, literacy rates, declining scores, american education Students reading on the rug.via Canva/Photos

Amber believes that a big reason why 54% of adults cannot read at a fifth-grade level is that no one told them, so they don’t know they need help improving their reading skills.

To combat the literacy crisis, Amber was considering having her students take an online literacy test to determine their grade level; she doesn’t need to know the results because she already knows where they are from previous tests. Then, so no student feels singled out, she can have a dialogue with her students who have fallen behind about how they can improve their skills. This approach strikes a happy medium, allowing students to learn where they are without shame from their teacher, while also providing them with options to enhance their skills.

This article originally appeared in March