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Mom shares 'kind can' idea after 7-year-old expresses struggles with friends at school

She described the "kind can" as "a way to keep our hearts open even when they want to close.”

The "kind can" is a tool for helping kids connect with others.

This article has been updated to include the original Kind Can post.

At some point, most parents have to field questions, concerns, worries, anxieties, angst and sometimes downright despair from our kids over their relationships with other kids. Friendships can be messy. Bullying is a thing. When you pool together a couple dozen kids who are growing and changing and figuring out their emotions for most of the day, all manner of relational dynamics can occur.

Navigating the social landscape with our kids isn't easy. Each child is unique, some are more sensitive or aware of what's happening than others, and some need assistance with figuring out how to handle tough social situations. As parents, we don't want to swoop in and solve their problems, but we also don't want to leave them rudderless in a storm. We want to provide them with the tools and help them build the skills they'll need to steer their own ship.

One tool that can help a kid who is struggling to connect with their peers is intentional kindness. However, a blanket admonition to "be kind" is often too vague to help a kid in the midst of a social crisis. That's why one parent's "kind can" idea has gone viral—it offers a specific way to practice kindness in a way that's not overwhelming.


A 2022 post on LinkedIn and then on Facebook, Sasja Nieukerk-Chomos shared the idea, writing:

"'Mom, I hate them.'

'Them' being her friends at school.

This is what my 7-year-old confided to me as I was putting her to bed the other night.

I could have made light of her hatred, like I’ve done when she tells me she hates broccoli.

I could have gotten caught up in her anger: 'Who are these kids upsetting my daughter!?'

Instead, I asked her what was going on that her heart hurt so much.

Because under anger is usually hurt."

"Sure enough, the tears came pouring out as she told me about how her best friend only wanted to play with another girl, and how when she went to find others to play with they told her to go away. This had been happening all week.

'Why doesn’t anybody like me?'

I didn’t have an answer for that, but I did have a thought: It’s time for the Kind Can.

Suddenly I was 8 years old again, a grade 3 student who was having a rough start to the school year. I had a teacher I didn’t like, friendships had shifted, and I couldn’t seem to get along with anyone. I hated going to school.

My mom created a Kind Can.

She used a big Nescafe tin can (remember those?)

In the can went the names of every single one of my classmates. Each morning before school I would pull a name out of the can. That day I had to go out of my way to do something kind for them.

Not to have them do something in return.

For no other reason than to do something kind.

It wasn’t easy at first, but my mom encouraged me to keep trying, and helped me think of all the different ways I could show kindness to others.

It started to get really fun!

And then things shifted.

No longer caught up in my own mind about what others were ‘doing to me’, I was now focused on what I was doing for others.

Though there were no expectations of kindness in return, more and more kindness is what I got. I loved going to school!

I told my daughter about the Kind Can and her eyes got that little spark – the one that tells me she’s about to get creative.

So yes, she has big plans for just how fancy this can will be – much better than an old tin can she proclaimed! That’s our project.

A Kind Can.

A way to create more kindness.

A way to keep our hearts open even when they want to close."

People loved the kind can idea, with the post being shared more than 3,000 times. Some people pointed out the beauty of the wisdom in it being passed down through generations. Several parents wished that they had seen the idea when their own kids were going through some social struggles. Many commenters said that a lot of adults could use a kind can as well.

A kind can won't solve every friendship woe a child has, but goodness knows the world could use more kindness. Helping kids practice that virtue with a tool that makes it specific and fun is definitely a win-win.


This article originally appeared on 4.20.22

Soothing a crying baby can be a challenge.

Everyone who's been a parent knows that babies cry and it's not always obvious why. You can run through the list of possibilities and try to address each one—hungry, thirsty, sleepy, uncomfortable, gassy, wanting to be held, needing a diaper change—and they still might cry.

Babies cry for a reason, but because they can't talk, they can't tell us what the reason is. Once all of the logical reasons have been eliminated, all you can do is try different things to see what helps—bouncing or rocking, going outside, taking a bath or some other distraction.

And thanks to researchers and a musician from the U.K., "The Happy Song" might be worth adding to the Crying Baby Toolbox.


"The Happy Song," performed by Imogen Heap, was specifically designed to include elements that induce happiness in babies. Researchers surveyed 2,300 parents in the U.K. to find out what sounds made their babies happy, and the top answers including sneezing (51%), animal noises (23%), baby laughter (28%) and other sounds ultimately got incorporated into the song.

As the university shared on its website when the song was created in 2016:

"The two-minute tune takes us on a bouncing melodic journey of cute lyrics and funny sounds - from the sky to the ocean, on a bike, submarine and even a rocket. 4/4 tempo was chosen as it is the most popular and easy to dance to. Imogen composed the song in the key of E flat as it was the key Scout sang a melody in on their first studio session."

The song was tested on dozens of babies and adjusted until they had the perfect mix of happy. It was truly a collaborative effort, with Dr. Caspar Addyman and Professor Lauren Stewart, C&G baby club, Imogen Heap, advertising agency BETC London and music consultancy Felt Music all contributing to the project.The final result even includes Heap's husband whistling and the sounds of a Pomeranian dog.

Parents have been sharing how "The Happy Song" stops crying in its tracks, and it's almost miraculous how well it works for a whole lot of babes out there.

Watch how this young baby stops crying as soon as he hears the song start to play:


@salliehasemeier01

“The Happy Song” by Imogen Heap is literally MAGIC. #firsttimemom #babyboy #4monthsold #fyp

Here are twins that were getting fussy in their high chairs, but as soon as they heard the beginning of "The Happy Song," they stopped:


And yet another baby in full fuss mode who immediately calmed down when the song played:


@lana.kearney

I am a wizard and can make your baby stop crying #babyhack #thehappysong #parentinghack

A lot of parents have found the song particularly helpful in the car. Some babies love to ride in the car and others hate it, but when a baby cries while strapped into a car seat, there's not a whole lot you can do. It's not like you can safely pick them up and bounce them on your knee in a moving vehicle. And if you're the person driving, you can't even really reach the baby to soothe them any other way. So having this song in your pocket to pull out during a screeching car ride could be a lifesaver, as it was for this mom:

@whataboutaub

Does this work for your baby??? #baby #newbaby #parentingtips #parentinghack #pregnant #newborn #happysong #happy #roadtrip #family #mom #newmom #momhack #momtips #fyp #trending

Parents in the comments share how much the song has helped them when nothing else seemed to work to calm down their wee ones.

"Haha we listen to this song 100x a day. 😭"

"My baby’s favorite song. Always helps calm her."

"This is a bop! not as annoying as other songs for kids 🤣 sing it constantly."

"I discovered this before my baby was even born, I’m not even joking when I say I owe Imogen a check at this point because this song has never failed to calm my baby boy down. He’s 12 months now."

"Is you memorize the song he’ll stop when you start singing it to🥰 at least my son did lol."

"Is the only thing that makes my 10 month old stay still for a diaper change. The negative? It’s in my head 24/7."

"In home daycare provider! I turn it on when they’re getting super upset and it works!!"

A few parents shared that it doesn't seem to work for their baby, but most pledge their eternal gratitude to Imogen Heap and the others who were behind the song's creation. If you've had a crying baby, you know what you'd give to find the magical thing that might get them to stop and the desperation you feel when it seems like nothing is working.

With 62 million views on YouTube, this song is clearly working for a whole lot of folks. It's definitely worth a try, at least.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

thefactorygrows/reddit

A man was recently visiting a distillery in Longmont, Colorado — called Abbott & Wallace — when he had to use the bathroom. What he saw in there left him with "no words."

He posted a photo of the bathroom, where users lost their minds over the presence of an actual, honest-to-God changing table.

It took me a minute to figure out what was so special about this picture. Looks like a bar bathroom to me!

But if you look closely, and if you've changed enough diapers on pee-soaked floors, you'll see it pretty quickly.


thefactorygrows/Reddit

Yes, the dads of Reddit were absolutely stunned to see a proper changing table with a pad and some basic supplies (like wipes) provided for hands-on dads.

It doesn't seem like a big deal, and it shouldn't be! But it absolutely is.

A lack of changing tables in men's restrooms has been a problem for as long as there have been bathrooms.

Some dads have even had to learn how to change babies on surfaces like sinks or even their own lap.

In recent years, there's been a push to get more changing tables in men's rooms. Legally, it's left to individual states or cities — changing tables in men's restrooms aren't required in most states, although that's starting to change. States like New York and California have requirements on the books, as do places like Baltimore and Dallas.

Usually, the changing tables installed are the generic plastic fold down kind. Better than nothing!

To see a more thoughtful, comfortable, and thorough set up like the one at Abbott & Wallace is truly amazing.

Not only is the pad more comfortable, there's actually a spot for dads to set down a diaper bag or their own supplies without putting it directly onto the floor. There's ample room to maneuver. It's just a fantastic set up.

"Clearly owned by a dad who enjoys being a dad. Good job, dad!" said one Redditor.

"[I] will make a point to go there soon because of this!" said another.

"Why are there urinals in the woman’s bathroom?!" joked u/Bishops-Guest.

And EatonMetsGuy probably said it best:

"This right here is worth a 5 star review on like google or Facebook or app of your choice.

"These are the places that make the world better"

A lack of proper changing surfaces is not only frustrating for dads, it puts a greater burden on moms, who then have to become the "default" diaper changers when families go out.

The last thing moms need is the inability to ever take a break. They're already shouldering so much of the parenting load, it's ridiculous to force every single diaper change on them when families are out in public.

And, perhaps shockingly, a lot of dads like changing diapers! It's a core part of the parenting experience, and we want to participate in the act of taking care of our own kids.

Accommodating all different kinds of families and parents helps everyone who visits your bar or restaurant have more fun.

If they have more fun, they keep coming back again and again.

Changing tables in the men's room are just good business. More than that, it's just the right thing to do.

Katie Gerrard/Unsplash & NuevoJerz/Reddit

When Chris Palermo's 7-year-old daughter, Ella, said she wanted to show him something, he was expecting another painting, or a piece of writing, or something that she had built. He never expected a lengthy – and thorough — To-Do list!

However, a To-Do list is exactly what he got. Ella had created a detailed table in the Notes app to keep track of all the things she hoped to accomplish. Chris posted a photo of the list to Reddit, where it was an instant hit, brightening the days of thousands and thousands of users.


Most of us keep a To-Do list of some kind, or a running list of chores and tasks we need to accomplish.

I have one of my own just like Ella's, sitting in my Notes app right now. For the record, Ella's is way better.

I've got lists of bills to pay and administrative phone calls to make, things to fix around the house, and upcoming appointments to keep.

Ella's got dancing and blowing bubbles.

NuevoJerz/Reddit

But it's not all fun and games for this 7-year-old: The list also includes chores like cleaning up, eating dinner (always important), and reminders to 'learn something.'

However, the list is mostly fun and games.

And that's exactly the way it should be.

It's important to Ella that she never forget to:

  • Sing
  • Dance
  • Play with dolls
  • Dance again
  • Take a video of herself dancing
  • Take a video of herself dancing again!
  • And do some writing

Now if she could only get around to painting that darn cupcake!

(How relatable is it that even Ella struggles to check off everything on her list? She even included 'Check Box' as the first item to give herself a little momentum to get through all her tasks!)

When Chris told his daughter that she was going 'viral' she said, "I didn't know I was going to get famous!" When she heard the post on Reddit got over thirty-thousand likes, she was even more excited. "So half the world liked it!"

Chris never expected the list to go viral. He just hopes people can learn something from it.

Being an adult can be mind-numbingly boring.

Our routines get stagnant, and our lists of responsibilities and Have-To-Dos get longer and longer every year. It's easy to forget to make time for things that have no productive value, things that we only do because we enjoy them.

And not just big things like planning your next vacation or meeting up with friends — although those are great, too.

"I hope [the list] gives us adults a pause and makes us think about our own to-do lists and responsibilities and the importance of having those joy-filled activities in there, too," Chris told Newsweek.

Ella's incredible list reminds us that we should be seeking out moments of joy every single day. Whether it's watching the clouds roll by, dancing in the kitchen, or learning something new just for fun.

And despite what you've been told, you're never too old to blow bubbles.