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Mom shows the heart-wrenching reality of kids being left out of class birthday party invites

"I'm sad for you cause that's not nice. That's not how we treat other people, right?"

Mom shows heartbreaking reality of preschool 'mean girls'

A heartbroken mom starts an important conversation about the impact of excluding children after her daughter reveals she was the only child not invited to a classmates birthday party. Nothing hurts a parent's heart like seeing your child cry after someone hurts their feelings. You know the day will come at some point but nothing ever quite prepares you for how you will handle it once it happens.

Young children don't understand why they're being left out of things or why someone would purposely hurt their feelings so it can hit them hard. Alyssa Miller came to the abrupt realization that her daughter was the odd girl out in class after she tearfully confesses she wasn't invited to a classmates birthday party. In the video shared to social media, Miller starts recording in the middle of the conversation while the two are sitting in the car after school pick up.

"How do you know you didn't get invited," the mom asks, to which her daughter replies through tears, "she told me." This revelation is clearly a little jarring for Miller but she tries to remain light and comforting for her child, explaining that it wasn't nice for the other child to say that. While Miller's daughter is only in Voluntary Pre Kindergarten (VPK), this type of exclusionary behavior isn't new for little kids.

Sad Married At First Sight GIF by LifetimeGiphy

"That's not how we treat other people right? And you're so beautiful and you're so kind, okay? This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them, okay? I love you. You're worthy of great, amazing friends, okay? Sometimes they just take a while to find," the mom says through tears while hugging her crying daughter.

This increase in bullying behaviors in girls as young as five years old has been being discussed for decades. In a study published in 2020 by the National Library of Medicine the authors explain, "Younger preschoolers also exhibit relatively simple and direct relational aggression, such as directly telling a peer they cannot play with them, whereas older preschoolers and school age children start to show more complicated relational aggression, such as playing nice upfront but disseminating malicious rumors behind the back."


@alyssa_miller01 I debated on whether or not to share this. But my girl is just so heart broke. Raising your child to think it’s acceptable to intentionally leave out another child and make them feel less than is something I will never be ok with. Teach your babies to be kind and welcoming to everyone. I thought I would have YEARS before something like this happened but sadly here we are in VPK. #kindness #teachkindness #bekind #bullies #bully #leftout #kidsoftiktok #parentsoftiktok #momsoftiktok ♬ original sound - Lyss

Unfortunately, this type of exclusionary behavior is what Miller's daughter experienced at preschool. In the mom's caption she shares that she knew this day would come but she wasn't expecting it so soon.

"I debated on whether or not to share this. But my girl is just so heart broke. Raising your child to think it’s acceptable to intentionally leave out another child and make them feel less than is something I will never be ok with. Teach your babies to be kind and welcoming to everyone. I thought I would have YEARS before something like this happened but sadly here we are in VPK," she writes.

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Miller's emotional response to her daughter's pain resonated with other parents who offered the duo support in the comments. Even pop star Meghan Trainor offered support writing in all caps, "ILL INVITE HER OMG TELL HER I LOVE HER," complete with four sobbing emojis.

"Her fixing your hair after you fixed hers, you’re modeling such kindness and love for her, she’s going to be such an emotionally intelligent and kind grownup," one person says.

"You told her all the right things mama how heartbreaking," another chimes in.


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"This happened to my son, all the kids talked about it at pickup and my son hid behind me crying. Thankfully the teacher reached out to all the parents and said it's unacceptable and not right," someone else shares.

"Oh my gosh! My heart broke!! You’re such a good mama! I loved that you told her It has nothing to with her and everything to do with them!! Please let baby girl know that she is so so loved," a commenter offers.

There were plenty of invites from across the country from people offering to throw the girl her own party to authors wanting to send children's books. The support Miller received from her tearful moment with her daughter was palpable. Hopefully after this negative experience the little girl will have much happier days ahead with friends that will always want her to come to their birthday parties.


Family

A mom whose 19-yr-old died by suicide has a vital message for parents about marijuana today

"You may be thinking, 'C'mon, Laura, it's no big deal – it's just pot.' 'Pot's legal, so it must be safe.'"

Johnny Stack

Laura Stack's son Johnny lost his life to suicide on November 20, 2019 when he was just 19 years old. Though the grief of his death was "still fresh," Stack took to Facebook to share something that happened three days before Johnny died, hoping it will help other parents whose kids may be at risk.

She wrote:

"On Sunday, November 17, 2019 around 5:30 PM, he came over for dinner. He lived in our condo a couple miles down the street and would often pop in for a home-cooked meal. This evening, he was a bit agitated but lucid. 'I need to tell you that you were right,' he told me. 'Right about what?' I asked. 'Right about the marijuana and the drugs. You told me weed and drugs would hurt my brain, and it's ruined my mind and my life. You were right all along. I'm sorry, and I love you.' He died by suicide three days later.

Stack explained that Johnny had "dabbed" since he was 15 or 16. "Do you understand the difference between smoking pot (and some edibles) and dabbing high-THC wax, shatter, or butter?" she asked. "Most of my friends look at me blankly when I say these words and say, 'I've never even heard about this.' If you don't know what cannabis extracts are, and you have children, grandchildren, sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews between the ages of 14 and 24, PLEASE keep reading."

"I am NOT talking about those of you who are supporters of legal recreational marijuana for adults over 21 years old—it's your life—do what you want," Stack clarified. "I know some people who take it successfully for specific medical purposes, so please don't write comments in my post about my personal experience. I'm specifically talking about illegal usage by children and young adults under 21, whose adolescent brains are still forming. You may be thinking, 'C'mon, Laura, it's no big deal – it's just pot.' 'Pot's legal, so it must be safe.' Or 'I did pot when I was a kid, too, and look, it didn't hurt me.'

Well, have you recently studied TODAY'S pot, and have you personally seen its effects on your children like I have?"

Stack explained why today's recreational cannabis is so different:

"First, the tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), a crystalline compound that is the main active ingredient of cannabis that gives the 'high,' is extracted out of the cannabis so that it's nearly pure. THC is the principal psychoactive constituent of cannabis. Then a butane torch is used to heat the crystals (similar to beeswax) or oil in a 'rig' (just google it), or a vaping device with a heating element called a dab pen can be used. Forget the 'grass' or 'papers' that were rolled in the 70s and 80s. The pot we grew up with (10% or less THC content) is HUGELY different than today's high-concentrate extracts (often 80% THC content or higher)."

She also explained why young people tend to be affected more by these high THC concentrations, and that the earlier they start the more likely it is that they'll develop a disorder.

"The brain is still developing through a person's 20s, and psychotic disorders typically develop in the late teenage years. During brain formation, heavy cannabis use has been shown to have a negative effect on the formation of neural pathways. It can also lead to heavier drug use. While the vast majority of marijuana smokers never experience CIP, researchers have found that the earlier and heavier someone starts dabbing, the more likely it is that they will develop a disorder at some point (often years later). We must educate our children when they are young (10-12 years old) and use hyper-vigilance in the early teen years, which we found was much easier before the age of 16, when they could drive. We couldn't lock him up or monitor him 24/7. Keep talking and keep trying!!

The harmful combination of a still-forming mind, high-potency THC products, and a high frequency of use = Cannabis-Induced Psychosis. Yes, that's a real diagnosis (or High-THC Abuse – Severe). Repeated CIP incidents can trigger schizophrenia or other mental illness, and even when the cannabis is withdrawn, the psychosis doesn't go away. This is what happened to my beautiful boy. When he died, the toxicology report showed he had ZERO drugs in his system. He wasn't depressed, neglected, drugged, or unloved. He was psychotic, paranoid, and delusional by the time he reached 19, and he refused the anti-psychotic drugs that he now needed, because he thought he wasn't sick (common to schizophrenia)."

It's so easy to think that marijuana use isn't that big of a deal, especially since some states have begun legalizing the drug for recreational use and many people see it as "natural." But the mild, laid-back high many people picture with pot use is not the reality of many of today's marijuana products or methods. Parents need to be aware of the dangers cannabis-derived drugs pose to their children's mental health and educate them as early as possible.

Stack included the following links to articles and studies backing up what she's learned about today's THC products. These are things we all should read and share, as this knowledge and awareness could literally save someone's life.

Potent pot, vulnerable teens trigger concerns in first states to legalize marijuana - The Washington Post

The contribution of cannabis use to variation in the incidence of psychotic disorder - The Lancet Journal

Association of Cannabis Use in Adolescence and Risk of Depression, Anxiety, and Suicidality in Young Adulthood - Journal of the American Medical Association

Dabs, Wax, Vaping Weed, Edibles and the Real Impact of High Potency THC Products: What Parents Need to Know - Resources to Recover

How Marijuana May Damage Teenage Brains in Study Using Genetically Vulnerable Mice - Johns Hopkins

Significant link between cannabis use and onset of mania symptomsScience Daily

Cannabis-induced psychosis: A ReviewPsychiatric Times

Summary of literature on marijuana and psychosis - Moms Strong


You can learn more about CIP and donate to Johnny's Ambassadors, a youth THC prevention organization started by Stack.

Editor's Note: This article originally appeared five years ago The opinions expressed in this piece are solely those of the author and the subjects written about or quoted.

William Ziegler of New Orleans, Louisiana.

After you're gone, people will probably forget the exact things you said to them while you were alive, but they'll never forget how you made them feel.

Unfortunately, when people write obituaries that sum up a person's life, they're often just a chronological list of factual details such as where they lived, where they worked, and how many children they had.

While those facts are important, they don't really explain the type of person the deceased was or how they made people feel. An obituary for fireman William Ziegler of New Orleans, Louisiana has attracted a lot of attention for how it hilariously summed up the life of a man who was a real raconteur.

Zeigler's daughter, Sharah Currier, said that he used to read funny obituaries to his children, so they decided to write one that would make him laugh. "He would have loved this,"Tshe told The Times-Picayune. "He probably would have forwarded this obituary to us.”

Zeigler began his career as a volunteer in the U.S. Navy.

William volunteered for service in the United States Navy at the ripe old age of 17 and immediately realized he didn't much enjoy being bossed around. He only stuck it out for one war. Before his discharge, however, the government exchanged numerous ribbons and medals for various honorable acts. Upon his return to the City of New Orleans in 1971, thinking it best to keep an eye on him, government officials hired William as a fireman.

He then continued his life of service by joining the fire department.

After twenty-five years, he suddenly realized that running away from burning buildings made more sense than running toward them. He promptly retired. Looking back, William stated that there was no better group of morons and mental patients than those he had the privilege of serving with (except Bob, he never liked you, Bob).

Ziegler's children believe that he's in heaven with his alcoholic dog.

Following his wishes, there will not be a service, but well-wishers are encouraged to write a note of farewell on a Schaefer Light beer can and drink it in his honor. He was never one for sentiment or religiosity, but he wanted you to know that if he owes you a beer, and if you can find him in Heaven, he will gladly allow you to buy him another. He can likely be found forwarding tasteless internet jokes (check your spam folder, but don't open these at work). Expect to find an alcoholic dog named Judge passed out at his feet.

His children end the obituary stressing the fact that he's actually dead.

Unlike previous times, this is not a ploy to avoid creditors or old girlfriends. He assures us that he is gone. He will be greatly missed.

You can read the whole obituary atThe Times-Picayune.

This article originally appeared nine years ago.

Humor can help you bond with your child while also boosting their growing brain

Being a parent is tough. If you are one, you probably read many articles, watched a lot of videos, or asked other parents for advice regarding structure, discipline, consistency, and other qualities that go into raising a child. But researchers found something equally as important as all of those parental virtues: humor.

Researchers and psychologists from the Public Library of Science and the Penn State College of Medicine found that humor played a huge role in successful parenting in a recent study. In a survey of 312 parents or would-be parents, 55% reported that humor was a significant part of their childhood from their parents and that 72% found humor to be an effective parenting tool. Out of those surveyed, the vast majority who reported having a strong bond with their parents as kids and now as adults also had humor as a part of their upbringing.

Father and son wearing noodles as mustachesGood parenting is a mix of structure, discipline, boundaries, and goofiness.Photo credit: Canva

So how does that work? You’d probably want a fun relationship with your child but at the same time not appear to be a joke to them either. If your young kid has to approach you with a problem, you don’t want them to be afraid that you won’t take them seriously. You also don’t want them to continue bad behavior because they think it’s funny and ignore you when you tell them to stop.

Well, humor on its own won’t help parents, but using it correctively and implementing it constructively, such as when tensions are high, can benefit both you and your kid.

“While parent-child relationships are more loving than business relationships, stressful situations happen a lot when parenting,” said Lucy Emery, one of the authors of the study. “Humor can help diffuse that tension and hierarchy and help both parties feel better about a stressful situation.”

A woman laughs at her daughter making a goofy face for a selfieLaughter can help ease tension and build trust between you and your kid.Photo credit: Canva

So in terms of applying humor into your parenting style, it’s an effective to use it to diffuse tense situations (like when a child’s having a tantrum or when they feel bad after being corrected or disciplined), model creative problem solving to your children, and just plain experience shared joy between you and your kid.

Many professionals in pediatrics and educators also say that humor not only promotes stronger bonds between parents and their children, but also helps child development. According to Children’s Minnesota Hospital among other experts, instilling a good sense of humor in a child helps them see situations in more perspectives such as when a certain situation could be funny or could be dangerous. Humor also allows them to laugh at themselves when they make mistakes as opposed to being angry or disappointed that they messed up. On top of that, frequent laughter is just healthier as it reduces stress, lowers blood pressure, and improves digestion on top of just making life in general more fun.

Doctor and child patient wearing clown nosesFrequent laughter improves a child's health and their mind overall.Photo credit: Canva

So if you’re a new parent and feeling stressed, take a moment. Instead of being upset that your son spilled their milk on the floor for the fifth time today, laugh at how ridiculous that is and tell a funny story about how clumsy you used to be as you both clean it up. If you and your kid had a tense fight, tell them a joke to let them know everything is okay between you two. And overall, just laugh with your kid. It’s good for them and it’s good for you, too.

A family of two parents and one child stick their tongues out while taking a selfie.A family that laughs together, bonds together.Photo credit: Canva