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Want your home to be 'the house' for your teens? Mom shares her 4 secret tricks.

There are so many benefits to being "the house" for your teens. Here's how to do it.

Amy White explains how her house became "the house" for her teens.

I grew up in "the house." In high school, my home was the designated place where my friends gathered, sometimes in big groups, sometimes just my small core squad. My three best friends spent the night there almost every Friday and/or Saturday night for four years straight. We devoured Totino's frozen pizzas by the dozens, inhaled soda, and laid waste to any snacks or leftovers that were brave enough to exist somewhere in the kitchen. Not only that, but my house was pretty small — four teenage boys took up a lot of space in the living room (the whole thing) and made a lot of noise playing video games deep into the night. It must have driven my parents and older brothers crazy. It's a wonder anyone put up with it.

Or so I thought when I was younger. When I became a parent myself, I started to understand a little more why my mom and dad were so willing to host and feed me and all my friends every single weekend. Why the outrageous grocery bill and constant chaos in the house was probably a small price to pay.

One mom has perfectly encapsulated the value of turning your home into "the house" for your kids and their friends, and exactly how she did it for her family.

 parenting, teens, raising teens, teen hangout, high school, game night for teens, activities for teens, parenthood Want your house to be THE house for teens? These suggestions could help. Photo credit: Canva

Amy White shared a reel on Instagram showing her college-aged son hanging in her dining room with a group of friends playing cards. The text overlay reads "What makes your kids high school friends want to come over, play cards & spend the night on their College Christmas Break". I think most parents can agree that we want our kids to keep coming home as long as possible! So how exactly did White pull this off?

Her explanation in the caption was spot-on.

First, White says that you have to start early. Become "the hang out house" in high school or even earlier. Then you have a better chance of holding onto the mantle into your kid's college years.

Next, be ready to stock the house with snacks and drinks, and don't make a fuss when your kid's friends have at it. "The kids knew we had food," she writes, "BUT they also knew I didn't care what they had. They knew they could eat anything in my pantry and fridge."

Third, and this is a big one, don't mistake being the "cool house" for being "the house." Some parents choose to allow their underage kids and friends to drink alcohol under their supervision, but you don't have to bend your morals and the law to lure the squad over to your place. Pizza and Coke is plenty to keep most teens happy. "We were not the house that served alcohol or even allowed the kids to bring alcohol to our house. And Guess What?? The kids still came and wanted to hang at our house!"

 parenting, teens, raising teens, teen hangout, high school, game night for teens, activities for teens, parenthood There's a difference between being "the cool house" and being "the house."  media0.giphy.com  

Fourth, always say Yes (as often as possible, anyway) when your kids want to have friends over. "They know my answer is 99% of the time YES," White writes. "You have to have your kids take the leadership of offering your home and if your home was 'open' to their friends in high school, they know it will be 'open' to their friends in college."

As a bonus tip, White pleas with parents not to worry about the mess having friends over makes. "I love a clean house and organization, BUT I would much rather have a crazy messy house for the kids where memories are made than a quiet house with nothing going on just to keep my house 'clean.'"

White writes, "It's worth being 'the house', so let go of control & get to know your kids friends." Commenters agreed.

White's video went viral to the tune of 8.5 million views and hundreds of comments. Parents shared their own experiences of what it's like being the default hang out house.

"Our house was the high school hangout for my son and friends... every weekend... I loved it!! Miss it now that they are all college graduates and have moved away. I love seeing them when they do come home for the holidays"

"A wise man once said don't be the house with the alcohol. Be the house with the food."

"Amy 1000% agree!!! My house is full of teenagers on the weekends and I love every bit of it. Even though I wake up to a kitchen that looked much different from when I left it"

 parenting, teens, raising teens, teen hangout, high school, game night for teens, activities for teens, parenthood We all miss our teenage metabolism, don't we? Photo credit: Canva

"We never allowed alcohol, drugs, bad language, always respectful, and guess what, our house was always the house where the kids hung out. First my daughter, then my son. Through grade school, high school, then when my kids went out of state for college their college friends would come spend a couple weeks during the summer. I always thought of it this way, I loved knowing my kids friends and, who knows, maybe some of those kids, especially during the younger years, just maybe those kids just needed an adult to care. Anyway, it was always fun to have them here!"

"It used to crack me up when my daughter would bring over a bunch of her friends (girls and boys) in high school and instead of hanging out in the family room they all wanted to crowd into either the kitchen with me or our tiny office and happily share all the gossip with me."

Experts say that knowing your kids' friends, and their parents, can have huge benefits. Not only will it bring you the peace of mind of knowing where your kid is and who they're with when they get to those crucial high school years, it has been shown to tangibly improve kids ability to create positive relationships and problem-solve collaboratively. Plus, it can actually be really fun! Kids and teens are the funniest, silliest, most interesting people on the planet. Having a house full of them is messy and loud, but it's always a good time.

One caveat: "don’t feel bad if your house isn’t the chosen house," one commenter reminds us. "Just be happy your kid has a good group of friends and be thankful they have somewhere safe to hang out."

This article originally appeared in February

Canva Photos

Two boys sitting on swings, with heads down, looking miserable.

These dang kids and their dang screens! I'm loathe to admit that I've had this thought a lot lately myself. When it comes to planning our kids' summer break, a part of my brain assumes they'll just want to play outside with their friends most of the day making up games, riding bikes, coming inside to grab popsicles. The stuff I did at their age. But in reality, it hasn't worked out like that. Most kids in the neighborhood are at camp or they're inside watching TV or playing video games.

When I try to encourage my kids to go outside more, I get a lot of grumbling and push back. Is it possible this generation has just...forgotten how to play? Are the phones and tablets to blame for this strange phenomenon? One dad recently had the brilliant idea to take his kids to the park, take away their phones, and force them to go play. The results were...not exactly what he was hoping for.

"It was a nice day outside," Charles Lavea told Newsweek. "I thought we could go get food and eat at the park. I took my daughters' devices, phones and iPads, off them and left them at home. I wanted them to get some sun and fresh air, so we went."

 kids, playing, playing outside, fresh air, no screens Levea probably envisioned something like this. Canva Photos

In footage shared by Lavea on TikTok, you can see what happened next. His two girls are shown sitting on swings, forlornly swaying back and forth, not knowing what to do with themselves. You can tell they're just disassociating until dad's weird little experiment is over. They would rather be anywhere else in the world. Specifically, they'd like to check in on what's going on on their phones. It's all over their faces and in their sad, hunched body language.

Watch the comical video here:

@lifewithlaveas

This generation man 🤣🤣🤦 I remember growing up all we did was play at the park with the kids in the neighbourhood 🤷 #lifewithlaveas #girldad #funnymoments #trendingsound #titanicflutefail #tiktokparent #viralvideos #fyp

 

Commenters had a field day, and most agreed: Kids "these days" don't know how to play outside.

"Bro when I was that age me and my sista be seeing who can swing the highest and jump off the swing on our feet"

"They would ratha watch other kids playing from there devices"

"Kids these days won't know the struggles we been through since the 80s - 90s kids been through with no phones, gaming pc, iPhone, Samsung, tablets, Facebook, tiktok, YouTube & Instagram wasn't invented. Even internet was hard to get when we use to have dial-up internet back then."

"Honestly the kids nowadays have no idea how to play outside eh? My kids too 😂🙈 I used to run out the door and never came back til the street lights turned on."

 Bluey, kids, outside play, 80s, 90s, no screens Things were different when we were kids.  media1.tenor.com  

The data backs it up. There's been a shocking decline in how often kids play outside in the last couple of decades. One study estimates only six percent of kids aged nine to thirteen regularly play outside unsupervised.

But is it as simple as saying that phones and tablets have rewired our kid's brains so the fun of playing outside can't keep up with the quick and easy dopamine hits found on screens? That's part of the problem, sure. But did you know that only around 20% of kids walk or bike to school, compared to 70% of parents who did so when they were young? That's not kids' fault, and it's definitely not because they're in their room playing on their iPads. It's because our culture has stoked so much fear in parents that our kids will be kidnapped or hit by a car that we rarely let them out of our sight anymore.

Kids have less unstructured free time than they did in the past, too. Your average kid is enrolled in more sports, clubs, and extracurriculars than ever before. Those are generally good things on their own—these activities challenge them, teach them new skills, and help them make new friends. But it doesn't leave them a lot of time to flex their imagination and invent silly outside games with other kids, and that time is important too.

 imagination, kids, playing, play outside, games imagination GIF  Giphy  

It's easy to grumble about how kids are obsessed with their devices—and, of course, genuinely laugh when dads like Lavea show that their kids barely know how to use a swing set—but change is going to have to start with us parents. The screens aren't going anywhere. Time spent playing outside is so good for a child's mind, body, and soul. We may just have to awkwardly force them into it a little more often, and that might mean pushing our own fears aside, or (the scariest thing of all) putting our own phones down to lead the way, too.

This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated.

Family

Woman's tongue-in-cheek 'Mom Libido 101' intimacy equation has some men seriously upset

"Wife went by that algorithm for 8 months. Our relationship has never been the same, and I resent her every day."

A man is discouraged and a woman does math.

One of the most significant challenges couples face after having kids is that it becomes a lot harder to maintain the same quality and quantity of sex that they had before the little one arrived. There are many reasons for this abrupt lifestyle change. It becomes harder to find time to have sex, privacy is even more elusive, parenting is exhausting, and a lot of times, sleep seems more exciting than being intimate. Adding to that, women go through a lot of physical and hormonal changes after having a child that may affect their libido.

A poll by Leesa found that couples have 47% less sex after having their first child, and that 61% of women and 30% of men reported less desire. Popular TikToker MaddieMu explained the math behind her decision to be intimate in a recent post, and it has some women applauding while many men are angry. Maddie is a mother of two who has "no filter" and claims to be the "mom friend you didn't know you needed until now.”

@maddiemu

hope this helps 🤭😌 #millenialmom #momhumor #honestmom #relatablemomlife

“Here's the basics of the formula: the amount she slept last night, plus how much food she's eaten today sitting down, times the amount of help her partner gave her divided by the annoying f**king comments, minus the number of times she was touched by her children today," Maddie said in her viral TikTok.

The math looks a bit like this: (sleep + food) x (help / annoying comments) - # of touches

Maddie also provided an example where things didn’t work out so well for her husband. “Let's say mom got eight hours of sleep last night, ate three full meals, her partner did pick up, and bath time, but he was really f**king annoying twice," she continued. "Then we have to subtract by the 1 thousand times that she was touched today. Does anyone know what the answer is? Not a f**king chance.”

Some women on TikTok thought they could perfect the equation with a few additions. "Also, don't forget minus 'How many times I've walked past the thing I asked you to take care of a week ago,'" one woman wrote. "Need one more section for the amount of decisions we had to make that day. Then you get definitely not a chance," another added.

Men were angry about the intimacy equation

On Instagram, there was a massive backlash from men who didn’t understand she was having fun at her husband's expense. "What if the partner did the dishes, fed the dogs, played with the kids, and took the kids away on a walk? Then also worked 8 hours making the sole income for the family and did all this while being kind to his wife, but she was still ungrateful," a man wrote on Instagram. "Wife went by that algorithm for 8 months. Our relationship has never been the same, and I resent her every day," another added.

 sex, relationships, sex and marriage, intimacy, teacher, couple in bed A woman rejecting her husband.via Canva/Photos

Ultimately, even though Maddie appears to be having fun by turning her carnal instincts into a math equation, within the joke, there is a kernel of truth. A lot of women have been relegated to the role of default parent, which forces them to take the brunt of the physical and mental load of raising a family. A significant part of Maddie’s intimacy equation was “the amount of help her partner gave her,” which makes a simple yet important point. When people feel energized and supported by their partners, they’re much more likely to be excited by them in the bedroom.

@callmebelly/TikTok
An excellent reminder to show kindness and patience.

Listening to a baby cry during a flight might be aggravating, but it’s nothing compared to the moans, groans, and eyerolls that the baby's parents must endure from other passengers when it happens. No matter what tips and tricks are used to try to soothe a little one’s temperament while 30,000 miles in the air, crying is almost inevitable. So, while having to ease their own child’s anxiety, moms and dads also must suffer being the pariah of the trip. What a nightmare.

Airplanes are a particularly tricky public space in which to take your children. First, unlike, say, fine dining or the opera, flying with a baby isn't always optional. Sometimes, a certain level of travel is required of your life and small children have to come along. Second, and probably worst of all, there is no escape from the airplane once you've boarded. No matter what happens; crying, puking, blowouts, or spills — you're stuck dealing with it, and the dirty looks, until the plane has landed.

Recently, one mom was apparently trying so hard to avoid upsetting her fellow flight members that she went above and beyond to essentially apologize ahead of time if her baby began to cry on its first flight.

It was a gesture that, while thoughtful, had folks really feeling for how stressed that poor mom must be.

In a clip posted to his TikTok, one of the passengers—Elliot—explained that the mom handed out small care packages to those nearby.

“She’s already so busy and took the time to make these bags for everyone,” Elliot said, before panning the camera to reveal a Ziplock bag full of candy, along with a note that made him “want to cry.”

The note read: “It’s my first flight. I made a deal to be on my best behaviour—but I can’t make any guarantees. I might cry if I get scared or if my ears start to hurt. Here are some treats to make your flight enjoyable. Thank you for being patient with us. Have a great flight.”

Elliot appeared to be choked up at the thoughtfulness on display as he examined the contents of the bags.

Like Elliot, those who watched the video felt some ambivalence at the well intentioned act. Many felt remorse that she would feel the need to appease people in this way.

“This is so sweet but also … kind of breaks my heart that we live in a world in which parents feel the need to do that.”

“Because jerk people have shamed parents into believing that they need to apologize for their kids' absolutely normal behavior. What a gem of a mom.”

“You know that sweet mom worried about this trip so much.”

“That poor mom probably spent nights awake … nervous about that flight, thinking of ways to keep strangers happy.”

"That's a mom trying so hard."

"the fact she took up valuable carry on space for these treat bags"

"Always wondered if we don’t bring kids out in public how can they learn to act in public? thank you for being so sweet to this mom"

Then again, who wouldn't appreciate some free candy and a friendly note?!


Many rallied behind the mom, arguing that making others feel more comfortable with her child being on board was in no way her responsibility.

“No mom should be apologizing. Adults can control their emotions … babies not …. Hugging this mom from a distance.”

“Dear new parents: no you don’t have to do this. Your babies have the right to exist. We all know babies cry. We know you try your best.”

Many commenters pointed out that a crying baby is far more stressful on the parent than other passengers. It's so easy to pop in your headphones and crank up your music or movie if someone else's baby is bothering you. Not so easy when you're the one responsible for soothing them!

The care package trend, sometimes called a "pre-apology", has become all the rage in recent years.

Passengers seem to universally find them adorable and fun. And some parents even enjoy the time and care it takes to make them. In a way, it can help ease the anxiety that naturally comes along with flying with a baby. It also creates a fun memory of that first flight.

But it's definitely not something any parent should feel like they have to do.

Etiquette expert Jo Hayes told What To Expect "Airplane goodie bags are all well and good for the craft-inclined or if you’re just excited to commemorate your little one’s first flight, but it's not the expectation that all parents must do this. Heaven knows, parents have enough pressure on them as is."

@xopolkadots34xo

the cutest lil flight package.. my jaw was on the floor so sweet 🥹 #babytok #travel #fyp

Luckily, there are just as many stories of fellow passengers being completely compassionate towards parents with small children—from simply choosing to throw on their headphones during a tantrum (instead of throwing one themselves) to going out of their way to comfort a baby (and taking the load off a frazzled parent in the process). These little acts of kindness make more of an impact than we probably realize. Perhaps if we incorporated more of this “it takes a village” mindset, flying could be a little bit more pleasant for everyone involved.

This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated.