+
upworthy

mothers

Canva, @emilykmay/X

Lying in bed and looking out the window with no one asking for anything? Yes, please.

It's hard to explain the relentless intensity of having young children if you haven't done it. It's wonderful, beautiful, magical and all of that—it truly is—but it's a lot. Like, a lot. It's a bit like running an ultramarathon through the most beautiful landscape you can imagine. There's no question that it's amazing, but it's really, really hard. And sometimes there are storms or big hills or obstacles or twisted ankles or some other thing that makes it even more challenging for a while.

Unfortunately, a lot of moms feel like they're running that marathon alone. Some actually are. Some have partners who don't pull their weight. But even with an equal partner, the early years tend to be mom-heavy, and it takes a toll.

In fact, that toll is so great that it's not unusual for moms to fantasize about being hospitalized—not with anything serious, just something that requires a short stay—simply to get a genuine break.

Keep ReadingShow less
Health

5 things I didn't want to hear when I was grieving and 1 thing that helped

Here are my top five things not to say to a grieving parent — and the thing I love to hear instead.


In 2013, I found out I was pregnant with triplets.

Image via iStock.

My husband and I were in shock but thrilled at the news after dealing with infertility for years. And it didn't take long for the comments to begin. When people found out, the usual remarks followed: "Triplets?! What are you going to do? Three kids at once?! Glad it's not me!"

After mastering my response (and an evil look reserved for the rudest comments), I figured that was the worst of it. But little did I know I would be facing far worse comments after two of my triplets passed away.

On June 23, 2013, I gave birth to my triplets, more than four months premature.

My daughter, Abigail, passed away that same day; my son, Parker, died just shy of 2 months old. Before then, I didn't know much about child loss; it was uncharted territory. Like most people, I wouldn't know how to respond or what to say if a friend's child passed away.

Image via iStock.

But two years later, I have found that some things are better left unsaid. These comments come from a good place, and I know people mean well, but they sure do sting.

Here are my top five things not to say to a grieving parent — and the thing I love to hear instead.

Keep ReadingShow less
Pop Culture

Andy Grammar shares how he 'goes on offense' with grief over his mom's death

"Grief doesn't have to be something that just hits you when you're not ready for it."

Andy Grammer shares one beautiful way he processes his grief over his mom's death in his daily life.

When you lose a loved one, the grief can sometimes feel impossible to bear. Time may help to soften the initial blow, but grieving is an up-and-down process without a specific trajectory or timeline. Some small thing can happen to trigger a memory—a song, a sound, a smell—and a wave of grief can hit without warning.

But is there a way to proactively manage grief rather than just react to it? According to singer and songwriter Andy Grammer, there can be, and it's really quite lovely.

If you don't know, Grammer is the multi-platinum recording artist behind a slew of uplifting hits such as "Keep Your Head Up," "Good to Be Alive (Hallelujah)," and "Lease on Life." He's known for his positive, optimistic songwriting, which might lead some to assume he's not experienced a painful loss. On the contrary, Grammer's mother, Kathy, passed away from breast cancer when he was 25, and her death rocked his world.

He's written about her in many of his songs, but he also takes an approach to grief that he refers to as "going on offense."

Keep ReadingShow less

Mom acts out scenes that flip the script on dismissing moms who vent.

Sometimes it feels like moms can't win. We're supposed to give our all for our kids, sacrifice ourselves for motherhood, fulfill the various responsibilities of child-rearing, and do it all under two unwritten but well-understood rules: 1) Never mess it up, and 2) Never complain.

It's the second rule that feels particularly cruel since the first rule simply isn't possible anyway. (Moms mess up motherhood all the time, even if we don't admit it.) But when we vent about the hard parts, the response is often dismissal, as if we don't have the right to complain or as if doing so means we're not grateful to have our kids.

A viral video from My Kinda Mum illustrates the absurdity of the way people respond to mom complaints with a little script-flipping roleplay.

Keep ReadingShow less