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What nobody warns you enough about when it comes to having kids

Experienced parents are dropping truth bombs about parenthood.

parenting, motherhood, fatherhood, kids, children

Here are some things new parents need to know.

Parenting is as old as time, but there's never been a time in history when we've talked about it more. If you go into any bookstore, you'll find shelf after shelf filled with books about how to raise your kids. If you have questions about any element of parenting, there are countless websites and online groups you can consult.

And yet, most of us still go into it unaware of the reality of it, because let's face it, there's no way to adequately prepare for parenthood. No matter what you picture it being like going in, parenting will yank that image right out of your head, smash it into the ground and grind its heel right into the heart of it.



Okay, that's a bit dramatic. But only a bit.

Parenting is the hardest, most rewarding job on earth—a thrill ride that takes you on the highest highs and plunges you to the lowest lows.

Up and down you go, over and over again, sometimes squealing with delight, sometimes thinking you might puke and sometimes screaming "Stop the ride, I wanna get off!"

While it's not possible to truly prepare, it's good to hear from experienced parents what you might expect. Every kid, every parent, every family is different, but there are some near-universal things that people really should know going in.

A user on Reddit asked, "What is something nobody warns people about enough when it comes to having kids," and the answers didn't disappoint. Here are some highlights:

You have less control over how your kids turn out than you think.

"There's a very good chance they won't turn out like you think," wrote one commenter. That's not to say that you have no influence whatsoever, but each kid is their own unique person with their own individuality, and they also change as they grow. If you're too attached to an idea of how they should be, you may not fully appreciate who they are.

"People seem to often forget that they're raising people," shared another commenter, "as in, independent-thinking individuals whose actions, values, personalities, interests, and capabilities will potentially be completely unlike yours. I've seen a lot of parents struggle hard with that, and frankly, that's a possibility you should have made your peace with before you became a parent, imo."

Another person added:

"This is why many parent/child relationships are so strained. Many parents have a child thinking they are programming a perfect human being. Many are disappointed when the child is not the exact person they hoped (or worse, the polar opposite). Perfectly normal children grow into resentful, tired adults because of their parents' unrealistic expectations that have nothing to do with them."

The books aren't all that helpful.

women's yellow jacketPhoto by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

We all want to look to "the experts" when raising our kids, and some things we find in parenting books can be marginally helpful. But they certainly aren't the be-all-end-all of good parenting.

"The books are fine for ideas, your experience, friends thoughts, paediatricians, therapists," wrote one commenter. "But at the end of it all you have this complicated little person you're in charge of with their own preferences, feelings, insecurities, abilities, and you have to do what works for them and your family and, of course, also raise someone who isn't a blight on humanity or menace to society."

Another wrote:

"As my mum says: 'The kid hasn't read the book.'

"Her parents tried to do everything by the book with her and she hated it. She was supposed to have pigtails, wear dresses, learn piano and not go climb trees and play soccer/football. She saved pocket money to get her hair cut short and her dad almost hit her for it. Did she stop pushing to be herself? Nope. She is a strong woman, but boy, does she have some scars on her soul.

"With her own three kids she watched what interests they developed and then helped them explore it further and to not forget to keep an open mind about other possible hobbies, sports, arts etc. I have no idea how to thank her properly for this."

It doesn't go by fast—until suddenly it does.

woman in black graduation gown with black mortar boardPhoto by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

"The days are loooong and the years are so very short," wrote one person. It's true. When you're in the thick of parenting and someone tells you how fast it goes, you might feel like strangling them. But then you look at your child who has changed so much and it does feel fast in hindsight.

"I've heard older people say this or the equivalent all my life," wrote another. "I always thought I understood. And then I had children. Now I understand. I keep looking at my kids and can't believe how much time has passed. I'll look at them doing something new and just be amazed. Seems like yesterday that my youngest couldn't lift her own head and now she's doing tuck rolls across the house."

"This is it!" shared a parent of young adults. "Mine are 18, 19 & 20. Empty-nest syndrome is a REAL thing. I always look back and think… How the hell did it go by so quick? I used to roll my eyes at people who would say stuff like this when they had 3 different practices, in 3 different places at the same time. It really goes by so quickly."

Your time—and sleep—are no longer yours.

grayscale photography of kid lying on bedPhoto by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

When they're babies, they wake up in the night for all kinds of reasons—to eat, to practice crawling, to say hi, to wail inconsolably for no explicable reason, and so on. When they're older, they wake up because they need to go to the bathroom or a drink of water or they're scared. Then, when they're much older, they suddenly stay up late and want to have deep, heart-to-heart talks at 10 p.m. Most of us expect the baby sleep deprivation stage, but there are sleep disruptions throughout a child's entire childhood.

"When they grow older, you don't have a private life anymore," wrote one commenter. "They stay awake longer than you."

"Never thought of this. The later part of the evening is my time usually," someone responded.

"Used to be my time as well," shared another commenter. "Since becoming a parent, my time is 4-6am. One reason why you start waking up early once you're older, probably."

I have a young adult, a teen and an almost-teen, and I can attest to waking up extra early simply to have uninterrupted time to myself.

You will miss being able to think clearly.

man in gray crew neck t-shirt sitting beside boy in red and white crew neckPhoto by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

"For me, I stopped having a chance to think anything through without interruption," wrote a commenter. "I had a very hard time with that. I couldn't remember anything, couldn't make decisions, etc because every thought seemed to get interrupted.

"I'd just sit in my car alone sometimes so I could think."

Ah, the beautiful, quiet solitude of the car. Every mother I know enjoys a good "car bath" once in a while.

"I am so glad somebody said this," someone responded. "I was starting to worry I was getting early onset dementia, because my mind just feels like mush all the time. I can't remember things, I start sentences and can't finish them, I forget common words....my mind rarely gets to switch off because someone is always interacting with me or calling my name."

Part of the brain mush is because kids need things all the time. And part of it is that you now have an entire other person's life (multiplied by however many kids you have) to think about. Their health and well-being, their education, their emotional state, their character—it's a lot. So much more than you can really imagine until you're in it.

Take advantage of the middle years.

"How important the years between 7 and 12 are for building a bond (one that lasts into the teenage years)," wrote a commenter. "They are so hard to listen to at that age with all the starts and stops in conversation and they talk about the most boring thing's BUT it is so important to listen and converse at those ages. They will grow into teenagers that will talk to you, and be fun to talk to, but only if you can get through long boring conversations about Minecraft or whatever thing they are currently into."

Having teens and young adults, I have seen the truth of this advice play out. If you want your teens to talk to you, you have to listen well before they get to that age.

Another user shared what it meant to them when their mother did just that:

"I can remember being about 12 and wanting to share my biggest interest at the time with my mom, that being Bionicle, by reading to her all the books I had been collecting with my allowance. Sometimes she would involuntarily fall asleep, but my God she tried so hard to show an interest. I really didn't appreciate it at the time, focused on all the times she yawned or fell asleep, but now (16 years later) we both remember it fondly as the bonding time it really was."

And another shared just the opposite:

"My god, what an amazing mom you have. I vividly remember coming home from school around 12-13 yo, super excited to tell my mom all about my day, and she's sitting there reading her book, as always. No problem, I'm just telling her my stories while she's reading. Then that one time, I wondered is she actually listening? So I stopped mid-sentence and she didn't notice. I remember my heart just sank, and after that I never told her anything ever again. I don't think she noticed."

Diapering a doll isn't going to prepare you for wrangling a baby.

baby in white and black plaid shirtPhoto by Evelyn Semenyuk on Unsplash

"Practicing diapers on a doll doesn't count," wrote one commenter. "You're ready when you can do it on a cat."

HA. So true. Others shared their diaper wrangling woes as well:

"My first daughter was patient and would just let us change her. My second daughter wants nothing more than to roll over and crawl away. There's nowhere for her to go but she wants to go anyway."

"It's like, I am physically orders of magnitude stronger than her, how the hell does she still win?"

"My daughter has just perfected the alligator death roll technique when she doesn't want to be changed or put pants on lmao. And because she's 2 and a bit she laughs the whole time cause it's hilarious."

Don't even get me started on trying to get an unwilling jellyfish toddler buckled into a carseat.

All parents are winging it.

"I stupidly thought once I had a child I would automatically 'know' how to parent," wrote one commenter. "You're the same dummy before and after having a child, and you realize how much your parents were winging it."

"Leaving the hospital with that tiny fragile little being was terrifying," wrote another. "C-section delivery so they kept us a couple days longer. Lots of help from the amazing maternity ward, to the moment you realize you and your spouse are alone and now solely responsible for keeping this little baby alive."

"Yeah, it's like: "We can just leave? WITH the baby? Who approved this?" added another.

"The panicked looks my husband and I exchanged the first time we were left alone with our newborn will live forever in my mind," wrote yet another.

It really is surreal that you're just, like, handed a newborn baby and that's it. A whole life in your hands, and you're supposed to just figure out what to do with it. Good luck!

The relentlessness is real.

"Nothing prepared me for the sheer 'unrelentingness' of parenting," shared one parent. "Every day for many years has to be finished with a dinner/bath/bed routine that takes two hours, regardless of how tired, upset or unwell you are. Difficult enough if you've been at work all day, yes. But also if you're on holidays and got a little bit sunburnt, or been to a family wedding and overeaten, or spent the day assembling Ikea furniture and are just exhausted.

"As a childless adult you could occasionally say 'I'm just having takeaway tonight', and flop in front of the TV until bedtime. As a parent, that's not an option."

This is a truth that's hard to fathom but oh so real. Parenting never ends. You don't ever really get a break, even when you're lucky enough to kind of get a break. Your kids' well-being is always on your mind, even when you're not with them.

And it doesn't end at 18, either. Many commenters talked about how parenting is forever. You worry about your adult kids, too, just in a different way than when they were young and you were fully responsible for raising them.

woman in black shirt sitting beside man in white t-shirtPhoto by Hillshire Farm on Unsplash

This list might lead people to believe that parenting sucks, but it doesn't. I mean, sometimes it can, but that's true of anything in life. If you're fortunate and put in your best effort, the joy and fulfilment of parenting hopefully outweighs the hard parts. Getting a realistic picture of what it entails—both the delights and the challenges—can help people temper their expectations and take the roller coaster of parenting as it comes.


This article originally appeared on 11.22.21

@callmebelly/TikTok

An excellent reminder to show kindness and patience.

Listening to a baby cry during a flight might be aggravating, but it’s nothing compared to the moans, groans, and eyerolls that the baby's parents must endure from other passengers when it happens. No matter what tips and tricks are used to try to soothe a little one’s temperament while 30,000 miles in the air, crying is almost inevitable. So, while having to ease their own child’s anxiety, moms and dads also must suffer being the pariah of the trip. What a nightmare.

Recently, one mom was apparently trying so hard to avoid upsetting her fellow flight members that she went above and beyond to essentially apologize ahead of time if her baby began to cry on its first flight. It was a gesture that, while thoughtful, had folks really feeling for how stressed that poor mom must be.

In a clip posted to his TikTok, one of the passengers—Elliot—explained that the mom handed out small care packages to those nearby.

“She’s already so busy and took the time to make these bags for everyone,” Elliot said, before panning the camera to reveal a Ziplock bag full of candy, along with a note that made him “want to cry.”

The note read: “It’s my first flight. I made a deal to be on my best behaviour—but I can’t make any guarantees. I might cry if I get scared or if my ears start to hurt. Here are some treats to make your flight enjoyable. Thank you for being patient with us. Have a great flight.”

Like Elliot, those who watched the video felt some ambivalence at the well intentioned act. Many felt remorse that she would feel the need to appease people in this way.

“This is so sweet but also … kind of breaks my heart that we live in a world in which parents feel the need to do that.”

“Because jerk people have shamed parents into believing that they need to apologize for their kids' absolutely normal behavior. What a gem of a mom.”

“You know that sweet mom worried about this trip so much.”

“That poor mom probably spent nights awake … nervous about that flight, thinking of ways to keep strangers happy.”

"That's a mom trying so hard."

Many rallied behind the mom, arguing that making others feel more comfortable with her child being on board was in no way her responsibility.

“No mom should be apologizing. Adults can control their emotions … babies not …. Hugging this mom from a distance.”

“Dear new parents: no you don’t have to do this. Your babies have the right to exist. We all know babies cry. We know you try your best.”

Luckily, there are just as many stories of fellow passengers being completely compassionate towards parents with small children—from simply choosing to throw on their headphones during a tantrum (instead of throwing one themselves) to going out of their way to comfort a baby (and taking the load of a parent in the process). These little acts of kindness make more of an impact than we probably realize. Perhaps if we incorporated more of this “it takes a village” mindset, flying could be a little bit more pleasant for everyone involved.

Fred Rogers went to put on his shoes and found they didn't fit.

Fred Rogers was truly one of humanity's greats, in every sense that counts most. He wasn't a titan of industry or a builder of empires. He wasn't a man of great means or a wielder of political power. He was humble, gentle and kind. He was a teacher, a learner and a leader in his own way.

For generations of children, he was a consistent voice of compassion, curiosity and caring. He was a calm haven in our television set, a safe space where we always knew we were loved just the way we are.

And yet he was strong, too, just not in the way we often think of strength. He was a fierce defender of children and a champion of justice. His testimony before Congress about public television totally turned around the sentiments of a judge who was extremely skeptical before Rogers started speaking. He wasn't forceful, he didn't yell or cry, he just shared his feelings, indicated his trust in the judge's conscience and explained the value of quality children's television programming in a way that was impossible to disregard.

No one could deny the wholesome awesomeness of Rogers. No one. He was the real thing, tried and true, through and through and the world misses him greatly.

It's quite well known that Rogers was the same man off-screen as he was on his show, and a video of his cast and crew pranking him once during his opening song offers a bit of delightful proof.

Check this out:

Seriously, he was the most delightful human. His laugh when he sticks his foot in the second shoe—priceless. His "Thanks ever so much"—epic.

People have responded to the video on Reddit with gushing praise.

"Mr. Rogers thanking that man for a delightful practical joke just changed something in me for the better," wrote one commenter. "Off to go thank my husband for some stuff."

"What a magical person that just a clip of him having a laugh is making me well up," wrote another.

"My childhood was a scary place but when I turned on Mr. Roger’s, it all disappeared for awhile," shared another. "Thank you for being a light to so many children. May you Rest In Peace."

"An amazing human being and an utterly sweet person," wrote another. "We should all aspire to be the person Mr. Rogers knew we could be."

Indeed, we should.

There may be many wonderful people who walk this earth, but there will never be another Fred Rogers. What a precious gift that we have so many hours of him on film to enjoy and share with generations to come.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

Joy

MoonPie renames Florida 'MoonPieTown' because apparently 'We can just do this now!'

A tweet from the company says the change is "effective immediately."

MoonPieTown? Might as well.

When the President of the United States changes the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America as one of his very first actions in office, you know we're living in unprecedented times. The fact that the world has called the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of Mexico for 400 years and that the name change only affects people in the U.S. doesn't matter. Changing the name of a major geographical feature by executive decree was clearly seen as a vital, first-day-in-office priority.

Why? Excellent question. Another excellent question is how have we found ourselves in a version of the U.S. where there's a bill—an actual, official, "sitting here on Capitol Hill" bill—introduced to the House of Representatives "to authorize the President to enter into negotiations to acquire Greenland and to rename Greenland as 'Red, White, and Blueland?'” Taking over Greenland and renaming it Red, White, and Blueland. This is where we are. Might as well rename ourselves The United States of Absurdity at this point.

One of the ways people cope in unprecedentedly absurd times is humor, which is why a tweeted announcement from MoonPie, the famous chocolate-covered marshmallow cookie company of all places, has grabbed people's attention.

"Effective immediately," the tweet reads above a screenshot of a branded letter from the company.

The letter says:

To whom it may concern,

Thanks to recent geographical updates, we are excited to announce that the land mass previously known as Florida will now be referred to as MoonPieTown.

"But Florida is a state," you say. No, Florida was a state. Now it's MoonPieTown. We can just do this now!

Please continue to enjoy our delicious marshmallow sandwiches and don't think too much about it. :)

MoonPie

MoonPieTown is cute, but the "We can just do this now!" is the funny bone punch. It was a risky move, though. Some people found the announcement hilariously on point, while others vowed that they would never eat a MoonPie again. Apparently some were downright offended by the company's little jab at the executive branch.

In some ways, tweets like this are filling the void left by the loss of political cartoons, which served as an outlet for political parody and snark for centuries but have largely fallen by the wayside with the demise of print media. Political cartoons are still around, but the average person is far more likely to see a viral social media post making a political statement with humor than they are a cartoon these days. And humor, for better or for worse, has long been a vital coping tool for people dealing with political upheaval.

political cartoon of two men cutting up the earthA political cartoon from 1805Public Domain

"In the 19th century, the main form of political humor would be cartoons, and some were quite brilliant, biting, and powerful,” says Dr. Patrick Giamario, associate professor of political science at University of North Carolina Greensboro. “In the 20th century, we saw late night TV hosts and a few comedians doing HBO comedy specials. That brings us to where we are now. Everyone can engage in X memes and trolling. They can make funny videos on TikTok."

Giamario explores how political humor has evolved in his book “Laughter as Politics: Critical Theory in an Age of Hilarity” and says laughter over the political landscape is "a symptom of this time we’re in, with a lot up for grabs."

Humor in politics has long been a source of controversy, prompting questions about whether political issues should be taken more seriously. Some may argue that laughter in the face of authoritarian power diminishes it. Others argue that humor runs the risk of trivializing serious issues. Giamario warns of another issue in the modern era where humor meets capitalism.

"A lot of humor becomes mere entertainment,” he says. “A late-night TV show host making fun of the president may sound subversive or transgressive because they’re making fun of the most powerful person in the country. But they’re also trying to sell tickets or advertising. It can be quite cynical. Unfortunately, I think that’s where a lot of political humor has gone in the last decade.”

Jimmy Fallon Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy

However, he says, approaching political humor with intention and introspection can help people analyze its impact.

“What’s promising about laughter is its aesthetic effect,” says Giamario. “It shakes people, quite literally, in a physical sense. It shakes the body out of conventional, existing ways of thinking, whether it’s social, political, religious, or something else.”

Does a silly little tweet about MoonPieTown shake people's thinking? Maybe, maybe not. It does, however, provide a little comic relief for those who feel overwhelmed by the political tsunami washing over America, and maybe that's all we need from a cookie pie company.

Do NOT let Bertha in.

Forget kids. Grandmas say the darndest things. One grandma in particular took TikTok by storm for her brutally honest, yet hilarious “funeral rules.” And though Grandma Lill adds the caveat that it won’t be anytime soon, you had better remember these rules when the day finally comes. Or there might be two funerals to plan.

Grandma Lill is no stranger to the spotlight. Her social media bios all read “I’m a celebrity” and she’s not foolin’ around. She has her own clothing line, YouTube Channel and her name has been uttered by the likes of Jimmy Kimmel and Steve Harvey. She’s basically the internet’s favorite granny.

But this video takes the cake at a whopping 20 million views. She’s gone full-blown viral now. Probably because she inadvertently brings up some little gems of wisdom we could all apply to dealing with the passing of a loved one.

Or maybe it's just cause she's delightfully cantankerous. Either way, it makes for some wholesome entertainment.

Without further ado, here are those three important rules:

1. Cry. But not too much. 

Or, as Grandma Lill puts it, “don’t make a fool of yourself.”

Funerals can be just as much about commemorating as they are expressing grief. We can also share the happy memories we have of those who have passed, not just shed tears.

I think this is what grandma Lill was getting at. Or maybe she just doesn’t like you stealing the attention.

2. Bertha ISN'T invited. 

Whoever this Bertha chick is … she messed up. She messed up big time. Bertha, you have been CANCELED.

And hey, why shouldn’t we decide who’s on the invite list for our last big day? If, for example, there’s a family member who caused a lot of pain, or with whom we just didn’t share a kinship … perhaps there doesn’t have to be an obligation to invite them to these major life moments.

Basically, this is your permission slip to openly decline any and all Berthas in your life. That goes for weddings, birthday parties, baby showers … you name it. Don’t let her in!

3. Get drunk afterward.

As long as you take a shot for Grandma Lill.

After the ceremony honors what’s lost, take a moment to let go and move forward with the life that is still around you. Something tells me that letting it all go and celebrating life is something Grandma Lill’s a pro at.

Check out Grandma Lill's 'Funeral Rules' below:

@grandma_droniak it wont be any time soon but dont forget it #funeral #grandma #rules #dontcry #funeralservices #wake #greenscreen ♬ original sound - grandma_droniak


Of course, funerals aren’t the only topic Grandma Lill can make you laugh about. Her TikTok channel is a carefully curated gallery of pure funny. Everything from bingo jokes to advice for getting back at your ex (yeah, she shows no mercy) can be found here.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

The Prince Charles Cinema/Youtube

Brendan Fraser dressed as Rick O'Connell.

Brendan Fraser might be making the greatest career comeback ever, racking up accolades and award nominations for his dramatic, transformative role in “The Whale." But the OG Fraser fans (the ones who watch “Doom Patrol” solely to hear his voice and proudly pronounce his last name as Fray-zure, for this is the proper pronunciation) have known of his remarkable talent since the 90s, when he embodied the ultimate charming, dashing—and slightly goofball—Hollywood action lead.

Let us not forget his arguably most well known and beloved 90s character—Rick O’Connell from the “Mummy” franchise. Between his quippy one-liners, Indiana Jones-like adventuring skills and fabulous hair, what’s not to like?

During a double feature of “The Mummy” and “The Mummy Returns” in London, moviegoers got the ultimate surprise when who should walk in but Brendan Fraser himself, completely decked out in Rick O’Connell attire. The brown leather jacket. The scarf. Everything.

"I am proud to stand before you tonight," he told the audience. "This is a film that was made in Britain. You should know that! Even the second one, too. Be proud. Thank you for being here."

He continued, "We didn’t know if it was a drama or a comedy or a straight-ahead action or romance, a horror picture, more action, all of the above. No idea until it tested in front of British audiences. Thank you for that.”

Fraser then asked the crowd if anyone hadn’t actually seen the movie yet, before shouting, “Outstanding!” when somebody raised their hand. He then quickly made a polite plug encouraging people to go see “The Whale” before whisking himself away, saying, “I won’t take up any more of your time.”

Uh, yeah…I don’t think any time spent with Brendan Fraser is a waste. Do you?

Watch the adorable clip below:

As to whether or not "Mummy" fans will ever see a new Rick O'Connell story up on the big screen—only time will tell. In the meantime, we'll keep watching this video on repeat.


This article originally appeared two years ago.