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Devastated father makes an unbelievable discovery while cleaning out his deceased daughter's room

The 3,000-word letter was written on the back of a mirror.

On May 28, 2014, 13-year-old Athena Orchard of Leicester, England, died of bone cancer. The disease began as a tumor in her head and eventually spread to her spine and left shoulder. After her passing, Athena's parents and six siblings were completely devastated. In the days following her death, her father, Dean, had the difficult task of going through her belongings. But the spirits of the entire Orchard family got a huge boost when he uncovered a secret message written by Athena on the backside of a full-length mirror.


After removing the mirror from the wall, Dean discovered a 3,000-word letter written all the way down its backside in black pen. "She never mentioned it, but it's the kind of thing she'd do," her father told People magazine. "She was a very spiritual person, she'd go on about stuff that I could never understand – she was so clever." The moving letter revealed her deepest feelings about her fight with the dreaded disease. "Every day is special, so make the most of it, you could get a life-ending illness tomorrow so make the most of every day," she wrote. "Life is only bad if you make it bad."

via YouTube

Although Athena is gone, the mirror now serves as a powerful memory of her undying spirit. "We're keeping the mirror forever, it is a part of her we can keep in the house, it will always be in her room," her mother, Caroline, said. "Just reading her words felt like she was still here with us, she had such an incredible spirit."



Athena's full message:

"Happiness depends upon ourselves. Maybe it's not about the happy ending, maybe it's about the story. The purpose of life is a life of purpose. The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra. Happiness is a direction not a destination. Thank you for existing. Be happy, be free, believe, forever young. You know my name, not my story.

You have heard what I've done, but not what I've been through. Love is like glass, looks so lovely but it's easy to shatter.

Love is rare, life is strange, nothing lasts and people change. Every day is special, so make the most of it, you could get a life ending illness tomorrow so make the most of every day. Life is only bad if you make it bad. If someone loves you, then they wouldn't let you slip away no matter how hard the situation is. Remember that life is full of ups and downs.

Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about. I want to be that girl who makes the bad days better and the one that makes you say my life has changed since I met her!

Love is not about how much you say I love you – it's about how much you can prove it's true. Love is like the wind, you can feel it but you can't see it. I'm waiting to fall in love with someone I can open my heart to. Love is not about who you can see spending your future with, it's about who you can't see spending your life without… Life is a game for everyone but love is the prize. Only I can judge me.

Sometimes love hurts. Now I'm fighting myself. Baby I can feel your pain. Dreams are my reality. It hurts but it's okay, I'm used to it. Don't be quick to judge me, you only see what I choose to show you… you don't know the truth. I just want to have fun and be happy without being judged.

This is my life, not yours, don't worry about what I do. People gonna hate you, rate you, break you, but how strong you stand, that's what makes you… you!

There's no need to cry because I know you'll be by my side."


This article originally appeared on 04.15.19

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Man honors mom's passing with a tattoo of her handwritten diary entry from the day he was born

"The second I saw it I thought to myself, 'Oh my god, these were her first thoughts about me.'"

Photos courtesy of Jake Bley

Jake Bley wanted to commemorate the 10th anniversary of his mother's passing.

When kids are growing up, they often see their mother in one dimension—just "Mom"—without much thought for the life she lived before kids or who she is outside of that role. It's usually not until we reach our own adulthood that we recognize, "OH, Mom is much more than just my mother," and if we're lucky, we then get to know her in a whole new light and celebrate all that she is.

Jake Bley is lucky to be getting to know and celebrate his mother, Nicki—but in a very different way than most people do.

toddler in mom's arms and adult son with arm around momJake as a toddler and as an adult with his mom, NickiPhotos courtesy of Jake Bley

Nicki Bley was only 46 when she died after a year-long battle with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia in 2014. Jake, one of Nicki's five children, was in his early 20s when she passed.

"As a young mother, our relationship was closer to a friendship than a usual mother/son relationship," Jake tells Upworthy. "I could go to her about anything, and she was always supportive…she was one of my best friends."

woman bald from chemo laughing with her adult son

Jake and Nicki just months before Nicki passed

Photo courtesy of Jake Bley

Shortly before she died, Nicki gave each of her kids a special gift. To Jake, she handed over her collection of handwritten diaries she'd kept from the time she was 8 years old.

"When she gave each of her children our gifts she was very sick," he says. "But she told me she gave me the diaries and other sentimental items because she knew I would value them, and I could process her thoughts throughout the years. Get to really know who she was and value that. The good and the bad."

"It has been 10 years since she passed, and I only started really looking at the items recently," Jake shares. "It has been too hurtful to explore them until now. That's when I found the little red Collins from 1989, the year I was born. From there, I flicked to the day I was born and that was when I saw her entry—'only a little fellow.'"

Jake had been born prematurely, weighing only 5.7 pounds at birth, and Nicki had jotted "Only a little fellow" as a note beneath his statistics.

"The second I saw it I thought to myself, 'Oh my god, these were her first thoughts about me," Jake says. "I couldn't stop thinking about it."

As part of his healing journey, Jake decided to tattoo the phrase on his leg, in his mom's handwriting, to commemorate the 10th anniversary of her passing.

"I took the day off work, very nervous, and I walked into a local tattoo artist studio with no booking," he says. "Up until then I didn't feel like I could commit. My tattoo artist Riley was incredible. I told her the story, and she took the 1989 Red Collins diary and copied the handwriting on to a transfer for the tattoo."

"I love meaningful tattoos," she told him. It was Jake's first time getting a tattoo, but he says that all of his nerves instantly vanished when he saw the final product.

"It was perfect. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and it was a happy moment. When I got back to my car I cried happy tears, because for the first time in a very long time I was letting myself feel my emotions."

He shared a video documenting the tattoo experience on TikTok:

@jakebley

TW: GRIEF. I know shes watching over me. #Tattoo #Grief #griefjourney ❤️

Jake says his grief over his mother's death has been complex. "It's not until years later that I started to understand the impact of losing a parent, and the need to not only experience, but feel my emotions," he says. "Taking the time to rediscover my mother, and getting this tattoo a decade later has been part of my healing journey."

Jake's story has gone viral on social media, with people offering their words of comfort and their own experiences with remembering their loved ones, which has given a whole new dimension to Nicki's legacy.

"It has been so wonderful seeing the love pouring out from the community," Jake tells Upworthy. "The thought that 10 years on my mother's handwriting, love and memory not only lives on but is celebrated by so many truly fills my heart."


This article originally appeared on 7.6.24

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6 alternatives to saying 'let me know if you need anything' to someone in crisis

If someone is drowning, you don't wait for them to ask for help. You just take action.

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

People going through major struggles don't always know what they need or how to ask for help.

When we see someone dealing with the loss of a loved one or some other major life crisis, it's instinctual for many of us to ask how we can help. Often, the conversation looks something like this:

Us: I am SO sorry you're going through this. What can I do to help?

Person in crisis: I honestly don't know right now.

Us: Okay…well…you let me know if you need anything—anything at all.

Person in crisis: Okay, thank you.

Us: I mean it. Don't hesitate to ask. I'm happy to help with whatever you need.

And then…crickets. The person never reaches out to take you up on the offer.

Was it that they didn't really need any help, this person going through a major life crisis? Unlikely. As sincere as our offer may have been, the problem may be that we didn't really offer them what they actually needed.

One of those needs is to not have to make decisions. Another is to not have to directly ask for help.

When a person is in a state of crisis, they can feel like they're drowning. They might be disoriented and fatigued, and doing anything other than keeping their head above water long enough to breathe can feel like too much.

If someone is drowning, you don't ask them what you can do to help or wait for them to ask. You just take action.

Here are some specific ways you can take action to help someone who you know needs help but isn't able or willing to ask for it:

1. Make them food

It may be tempting to ask if you can make them a meal and wait for them to say yes or no, but don't. Simply ask if they or anyone in their household has any dietary restrictions, and then start shopping and cooking.

Meals that can be popped in the refrigerator or freezer and then directly into the oven or microwave are going to be your best bets. Include cooking or reheating instructions if it's not obvious. Disposable aluminum trays are great for homemade freezer-to-oven meals and can be found at just about any grocery store. Casseroles. Stir fried rices. Soups. Comfort foods.

If you don't cook, you can buy them gift cards to local restaurants that deliver, or give them a DoorDash or UberEats gift certificate (large enough to cover the delivery, service fees and tip as well, which combined can be as much as a meal sometimes).

lasagna in the oven

Easy-prep meals people can throw in the oven are great.

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

Even better—organize a meal train

If you want to make it a community-wide effort and no one else has done so yet, set up a "meal train," where different people sign up for different days to bring meals to spread out the food help over time. There are several free websites you can use for this purpose, including Give In Kind, Meal Train, and Take Them a Meal. These sites make it super easy for anyone with the personalized link to sign up for a meal.

someone scrubbing a pot in a kitchen sink

There are always dishes to wash.

Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash

2. Clean their kitchen and/or bathrooms

Kitchens are always in use, and keeping up with dishes, especially in a house full of people, is a challenge even under normal circumstances. Same with keeping the refrigerator cleaned out. Same with cleaning the bathroom.

Rather than asking if they want it done, as many people won't want to say yes even if they would appreciate the help, try saying something like, "I want to come and make sure your kitchen is ready for you to make food whenever you want to and that your bathroom is a clean space for you to escape to whenever you feel like it. Is Tuesday or Wednesday at 1:00 better for you?"

The fewer complex decisions a person in crisis has to make the better, so saying, "Is this or that better?" rather than offering open-ended possibilities can be helpful.

woman folding clothes

There is always laundry to fold, too.

Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash

3. Do laundry

Offer to sit and chat with them, let them vent if they need to…and fold their laundry while you're at it.

Are they the kind of people who might be embarrassed by you seeing or handling their underclothes? Fine. Wash, dry and fold towels or bedsheets instead. Just keep the laundry moving for them.

And if it doesn't feel appropriate or desirable for you to do their laundry at their house, you can offer a pick-up laundry service, either yourself or an actual hired service. Tell the person to put bags or bins of laundry at the door and you (or the service) will come pick it up and bring it back clean and folded the next day. That's a great way to be of service without feeling like you're intruding.

man pulling food and toilet paper out of the car

Offer to pick stuff up when you're on a grocery run.

Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash

4. Run errands for them

"Hey, I'm heading out to the store, what can I grab you while I'm there?" is always a welcome phone call or text. Let them know when you're going to be running your own errands and see if there's anything they need dropped at the post office, picked up from the pharmacy, or anything else.

You can also offer to run errands with them. "Hey, I've got some errands to run. Do you want to join me?" They may have no desire to leave the house, or they may desperately want to leave the house, so be prepared for either answer, but the offer is solid. Even just not having to drive might be a relief if they have things they need to pick up or drop off places.

woman holding hands with a small child as they walk

Caring for someone's kids is one of the most helpful things you can do.

Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash

5. Provide childcare

If the person is a parent, taking their kid(s) out for a chunk of the day can be a big help. Caring for yourself is hard when you're going through a difficult time, and the energy a person might use to actually do that often gets usurped by caring for others. Obviously, parents can't just neglect their children, so anything you can do to relieve them of that responsibility for a while is gold.

Offering to take the kids to do something fun—a day at the park, ice skating, etc. is even better. A parent knowing their kid is safe, occupied and happy is its own form of relief.

6. Ask what they're struggling with and focus your help there

While all of these practical household things are helpful, there might be some people who find comfort or solace in doing those things themselves. If that's the case, talk with them about what their immediate needs are and what they're having a hard time dealing with. Then focus your energies there. "What can I do to help?" may not be as effective a question as "What are you having a hard time doing right now?" They may not know what kind of help they need, but they probably know how they're struggling.

One person might be lonely and just want some company. Another person might need a creative outlet or a mindless distraction or something physical like going for a walk or a hike. Someone else might have pets they need help caring for, a garden that need tending or the oil changed in their car. Someone might even need a person to serve as a shield or buffer between them and all the people coming to offer their condolences.

Note that many of these things are basic life maintenance stuff—those are often the things that get hard for people when they're dealing with the emotional and logistical stuff surrounding whatever they're going through, and they're often the easiest things other people can do for them. A time of crisis is not a normal time, so normal etiquette, such as asking if you can or should do something rather than just letting them know you're going to do it, doesn't always apply.

If there's a specific thing with specific tasks, such as planning a funeral, that might be a good opportunity to ask how you can help. But people deep in the throes of grief or struggle often need someone to the reins on basic things without being asked to. Again, there's a good chance they feel like they're drowning, so don't wait for an invitation. Just grab the life preserver, put it around them and do whatever needs to be done to get them to shore.


This article originally appeared on 2.5.24

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Why you should ask your loved ones to let your pet see your dead body after you die

Something nobody wants to think about, but definitely should.

Photo by Diana ✨/Pexels

Pets don't understand when their human just doesn't come home one day.

Few of us want to think about our pets dying, but I imagine even fewer of us want to think about how our pets would handle us dying.

Many pets form bonds with their humans, some to an extreme degree. When an animal's human dies, it's a major life event, but it's not like someone can logically explain why their person just isn't around anymore. From the animal's perspective, their person just disappeared.

A quote that's sometimes been attributed to David Attenborough (though its actual origin is unclear) offers an intriguing idea that might help a pet deal with an owner's death:

"If I die while I have a pet, let my animal see my dead body, please. They understand death and seeing me dead will allow them to mourn, but if I just never show up one day they’ll think I abandoned them. I know what it feels like to be abandoned and I never want anyone to feel that way, especially my dog."

Many people who have witnessed a pet losing their human have noted their grieving behaviors. President George H.W. Bush's service dog, Sully, famously spent the night lying by his casket two days after he died. A Canadian police officer's service dog, Danny, whimpered next to his owner's casket throughout his funeral, according to the American Kennel Club. There are countless stories of people's pets exhibiting mourning-type behaviors after a human passes away that make it clear that they are affected by their human's death.

But is it true that seeing the body can help them process it better?

a woman sitting in a courtroom with a dog on her lap Photo by The Good Funeral Guide on Unsplash

VCA Animal Hospitals says that exposing the pet to a companion's dead body might help provide closure: "Pets have a limited understanding of death as finality. Some behaviorists think that a dog’s grief response may be reduced by having an opportunity to investigate the deceased. It could be helpful to let your pet see the body of his deceased friend. He may not totally grasp the situation, but one last visit may help him understand that his pal is gone."

Greenlin Pet Resorts also includes in a list of helping pets through the loss of their owners, "Let them see the body of their deceased owner: This may not be practical in all situations, subt by allowing a mourning pet to see the body of their deceased companion you are providing the only real kind of communicable closure a human can give a pet in this situation."

People on Reddit have shared their own personal anecdotes of animals seeming to process the death of an owner or a fellow pet companion better after being near their body.

"We did this with my grandpa when he died. His dog knew but also went into a deep depression. He would just lay down and cry. He didn’t want to eat but then they remembered my grandpa would give him some McDonald’s cheeseburger as a treat. They went and got him one and he ate some! It took a few months of him being depressed but he would still sleep in my grandpas room and bed until he finally started to feel less sad."

"I can confirm this. My mom died at my home and I asked the nurse if I could get my dog so he could see and sniff her. He came in, gave her a momentary sniff and then went to his normal 'gotta say hi to the nurse.' Until that day if I said 'grammy' he’d go looking for her, now he doesn’t react at all when I say it. He definitely knows."

a dog sitting on a chair in front of a woman Photo by DEAD GOOD LEGACIES on Unsplash

"Years ago a friend’s dad died at work. His dog spent the next couple of days pacing & looking for him, so they took him to the funeral home. Once he sniffed the body he understood & stopped searching for him."

"Same with pets in a multi-pet family. When one of our two cats was put down due to age we showed the body to the other. She had a slightly shocked reaction so I think she understood he had died."

"100% agree with this. My family had two little dogs, boy and girl. The boy passed in a boating accident and was not found for a few weeks, every single night the girl dog would howl and cry for the boy dog. When the body of the boy dog was finally found, we brought him home to be buried and she got to see his body, from then on she never cried but she is routinely found sitting under the tree next to his grave. She totally knows that he is there, it’s heartbreaking."

Of course, we can't know what actually goes on in the minds of our pets, so we rely instead on observing their behaviors. We do know that animals often behave differently when owners die, and if seeing and smelling the deceased might help them process the loss, it certainly doesn't hurt to give it a try.

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