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Children of divorce are sobbing over woman's final 9-second video of mom and dad together

"Soulmates doesn't always mean married mates."

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A 9-second video of a woman's divorced parents' last interaction is incredibly powerful.

The statistics around divorce in America sound grim. About half of couples who tie the knot won't make it, and that's generally considered to be a bad thing in the popular discourse; a sign of too much infidelity, poor communication, and other toxic behavior. But what those numbers fail to tell you about is all the couples who split amicably, or who were never the right fit for each other in the first place. In fact, it's possible–and even common—for people to divorce after many years together and still love each other deeply.

That's exactly the sentiment captured in a beautiful nine-second video filmed by Kerrian Connelly Carro.

divorce, marriage, children of divorce, parenting, love, love stories, wedding, viral videos, deathThe statistics around divorce don't always tell the full story. Photo by Zoriana Stakhniv on Unsplash

Carro captioned the short clip posted to TikTok: "My parents were divorced over 25 years ago. Met at 12, had me at 19. This was their last video together before my father passed away."

In an interview with Newsweek, Carro explains that the two were finishing up a quick visit with her mom after her dad attended a session of radiation therapy for cancer. Carro filmed the interaction between the two, not knowing for sure that it would be the last time they'd ever see each other.

So much is communicated between the two in just a few seconds of silent footage. They share a loving hug before Carro's mom kisses him on the cheek. She then cinches up his jacket, as if to give him strength to keep on fighting. He pinches her cheeks lovingly and smiles as he turns to leave. And that's the end.

Carro's father would pass away shortly after the video was taken.

Watch the touching moment here:

@kerriannconnellycarro

#myparents #ifiwouldhaveknown #deaddadsclub #grief #griefjourney

Carro said that her parents' divorce wasn't always easy.

The love between the two is incredibly obvious even from just a short video, but the journey that came before was far from sunshine and roses. In the interview, Carro says her mom was the love of her dad's life, and it took him a long time to recover from the breakup. She says the two argued for years after splitting, both angry and trying to find a new path in life for themselves.

But eventually, they made peace with not being together, and their love for each other took over. Carro says they became friends again, supporting each other. And you can see it all come to fruition in their final interaction. The video struck a nerve in viewers everywhere, racking up over 18 million views. Commenters were incredibly moved:

"Like that quote 'even though you didn’t make it to the end of my story, I’ll always have the corner folded down on your page as it was one of my favourites.'"

"Soul mates don’t always mean married mates."

"The way she straightened his jacket, and the way he pinched her cheeks tells me everything I need to know about their love."

"Divorce doesn't mean hate. This is proof of that."

People who had experience living with divorce were especially touched:

divorce, marriage, children of divorce, parenting, love, love stories, wedding, viral videos, deathOne commenter said that soulmates don't always have to be "married-mates." Photo by micheile henderson on Unsplash

"My parents were better friends than partners."

"Divorced parents here, but they are still BEST FRIENDS. My dad still helps her with house maintenance and visits her once a week to check in. Soul mates aren’t always married mates!"

"My mom's funeral was the only one I ever saw my dad cry at. They were friends much longer than they were married."

About a third of divorces these days are categorized as friendly or at least neutral, rather than hostile. And even in the cases of more contentious separations, many of them just take a little time until the two people remember what they liked and even loved about each other in the first place.

It's rare for people to get married without a strong connection and bond. Disagreements and life circumstances can get in the way and cloud our feelings, and even make reconciliation impossible, but it's amazing to see the proof in Carro's video that that love doesn't always die out.

The video is also a powerful reminder that divorce isn't some great failure. Sometimes it's exactly what both parties need, even if it hurts.

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Health

Doctor says adults should score 8 points or higher on this simple longevity test

People who fail are more likely to die in six years.

via Pexels
A woman sitting cross-legged on a yoga mat

Everyone wants to know how long they will live and there are many indicators that can show whether someone is thriving or on the decline. But scientists have yet to develop a magic formula to determine exactly how long someone should expect to live. Which, let's be real, is probably a good thing. Knowing exactly how much time you have left to enjoy your life could cause a lot of anxiety, to say the very least.

However, a doctor recently featured on the "Today" show says a straightforward test can reveal the likelihood that someone aged 51 to 80 will die in the near future. NBC News medical contributor Dr. Natalie Azar was on the "Today" show on March 8 and demonstrated how to perform the simple “sit to stand test” (aka sit-rising test or SRT) that can help determine the longevity of someone between 51 to 80.

The test is pretty simple. Go from standing to sitting cross-legged, and then go back to standing without using any parts of your body besides your legs and core to help you get up and down. The test measures multiple longevity factors, including heart health, balance, agility, core and leg strength and flexibility.


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

You begin the test with a score of 10 and subtract points on your way up and down for doing the following:

Hand used for support: -1 point

Knee used for support: -1 point

Forearm used for support: -1 point

One hand on knee or thigh: -1 point

Side of leg used for support: -1 point


A 2012 study published by the European Society of Cardiology found a correlation between the SRT score and how long people live.

The study was conducted on 2002 people, 68% of whom were men, who performed the SRT test and were followed by researchers in the coming years. The study found that “Musculoskeletal fitness, as assessed by SRT, was a significant predictor of mortality in 51–80-year-old subjects.”

Those who scored in the lowest range, 0 to 3, had up to a 6 times greater chance of dying than those in the highest scores (8 to 10). About 40% of those in the 0 to 3 range died within 11 years of the study.

aging, seniors, senior fitness, senior citizens, older adults, longevity, health, death, dyingNo matter what age you are, adding regular exercise to your life will reap a ton of benefits.Canva Photos

Azar distilled the study on "Today," saying: "The study found that the lower the score, you were seven times more likely to die in the next six years.”

"Eight points or higher is what you want," Azar said. "As we get older, we spend time talking cardiovascular health and aerobic fitness, but balance, flexibility and agility are also really important," she stressed. A score of eight or nine means you're allowed to roll forward onto your knees and then rise, which a lot of people will find more comfortable. If you can rise that way, you're still in a pretty good spot health wise.

One should note that the people who scored lowest on the test were the oldest, giving them a naturally elevated risk of death.

Dr. Greg Hartley, Board Certified Geriatric Clinical Specialist and associate professor at the University of Miami, told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that we should take the study with a grain of salt. “Frailty, strength, muscle mass, physical performance—those things are all correlated to mortality, but I would caution everybody that correlation doesn’t mean causation,” he said.

And of course, the test doesn't take into account injuries or disabilities that may make doing the test impossible. But one of the study's authors says that the study is a call to take our mobility seriously.

“The more active we are the better we can accommodate stressors, the more likely we are to handle something bad that happens down the road,” Dr. Claudio Gil Araujo, told USA Today.

What should you do if you can't manage a good score on the SRT? First of all, don't panic! It's never too late to improve your overall health, fitness, and strength, so regular exercise is a great thing to incorporate if you're not already doing it.


seniors, longevity, physical fitness, exercise, health, agingEven low-impact exercise like yoga can increase your mobility and flexibility and, thus, your SRT scoreCanva Photos

A couple of specific skills that will help are boosting your ankle flexibility, hip mobility, and core strength. Trainers recommend incorporating squats, lunges, and planks into your regular routine. Just using your own bodyweight is plenty to get started, though if you're up for incorporating any added loads, the strength training will do wonders for your bone density, as well.

But remember that the SRT is just a measure of strength and mobility, which could correlate to an older person's likelihood of suffering from a fatal fall. It doesn't do anything to measure your cardiovascular help (vitally important especially in older people), for example. And it may not even be the most reliable longevity test out there. It has been criticized for it's extremely unnatural range of motion, for starters — rising by pushing up on the sides of our ankles with our knees pointed outward is certainly not representative of a real-life situation. Some doctors insist that your comfortable walking speed is a better indicator of health and longevity, while others say grip strength is the key measurement.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Joy

Hospital workers share 13 of the most life-changing regrets they've heard from the dying

"Some people just want you to let them go."

via Canva/Photos

A nurse comforts a dying woman.

In 2011, hospice nurse Bronnie Ware wrote the bestselling book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, recalling the lessons she learned as a palliative care nurse. The big takeaway is that when people are in their final days, their regrets are about their relationships and how they failed at being their true selves.

Ware’s Five Regrets of the Dying:

1. "I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."

2. "I wish I hadn’t worked so hard."

3. "I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings."

4. "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."

5. "I wish I had let myself be happier."


a man passing away, older man passing, death bed, hospice, hospital grief, relativesAn older man in his final moments.via Canva/Photos

It’s worth noting that when people are in their final days, they never wish they had worked more or complain that they spent too much time with their families. It seems that when we take a full assessment of life, what really matters are their relationships and experiences, not the car they drove or the number of digits in their bank accounts.

A group of hospital workers on Reddit shared their experiences with the final regrets of the dying, and they were similar to Ware's. However, their experiences are more dramatic because they worked with people who may have just had a catastrophic diagnosis or were in an accident, and their reaction to their final days came as more of a surprise.

Here are 13 of the most common regrets hospital workers have heard from their dying patients.

1. Some people are ready to go

"Some people just want you to let them go. I had a man with terminal cancer break down crying after his daughters left the room because they wanted him to 'keep fighting' and he just wanted to rest and pass peacefully. Learn when to let go."

"So often I see people who are ready to die but feel more tethered to their relationships with others rather than their relationship to themselves in pain. It creates a sort of stagnancy in their transition that I think prolongs their suffering."

2. Some have no one

"He was one of my first patients as a nursing student, named Frank. He was 92. After knowing him a few days, he disclosed to me his regret was outliving everyone he loved.. that he and his wife hadn’t had kids, and he was 'all that was left' and that he wanted to see his wife again. I wasn’t sure how to respond , so I just listened... and it made me realize how living so long isn’t great if everyone you love is gone. He passed away later that week, and while I distinctly recall some of my classmates being upset, I felt relief for him. I knew he was where he wanted to be. I’ve had many patients since, but you tend to remember your first ones."


final days, death, dying hospital, last rights, patients, regretsA doctor checking on a man receving oxygen.via Canva/Photos

3. They regret how they treated their children

"He wished he had been a better father to his daughter. He wished they had reconnected. His dementia prevented him from remembering they had reconnected years before and that she visited often. I wish I could have made him aware that he had accomplished his last wish. But he died not really understanding that."

4. True love to the end

"I worked in long-term care for 12 years. I remember a married couple that shared a room. She had cancer and kidney failure. I was helping her eat lunch one day, with her husband sitting there with us. She looked like death, but her husband looked at her, then at me, and said Have you ever seen a more beautiful woman? I had to leave and go to the bathroom and cry. I cried for days every time I thought of what he said."

5. They regret not having the chance to live

"I worked as an oncology nurse right out of nursing school. I was barely 21 years old. Had a patient about my age who was dying of lung cancer. A few hours before he died, I sat with him and he was telling me how much he wished that he had had more time, maybe fall in love, marry, have kids. He was so young. He asked me to call his parents, and he died shortly after they arrived. It was awful. His regrets were more about the life not lived."

6. ER patients don't want to be alone

"In the ER, it's not something most people see coming when they arrive, but it's usually the same regret when they are coherent. They all wish their family was there. Or they cry out for their SO in a panic. It's gotten to the point recently where we tell them 'SO is right here with you.'The look of relief on people's faces just hearing that gets me every time. People just want to not be alone at the end."

"In a confession subreddit, a dude confessed how he was with a man, during his last moments ( he crashed his truck in the roadside, op was behind him, called the urgencies). As op was waiting the ambulance, even hearing it, the man asked after his wife, where she was, that he wanted to see her. Op tried to comfort it the best he could, saying she was on her way. The man died when the ambulance arrived. Sometimes after, op looked after this man, on social networks. He found out that this man's wife was already passed. And that he said to the man that his late wife was on her way."


car wreck, cra crash, deadly crash, firemen, jaws of life, broken windshieldFiremen help a motorist in a car crash.via Canva/Photos

7. People regret what they didn't do

"It's very likely that no one ever said, 'I wish I let my life pass by,' or I wish I had been a passive observer in my life.'"

"I second this, worked in hospice for about 5 years."

"More specifically people regret not spending more time with family, spending too much time with the wrong people, and not having children. There are plenty of regrets about not going skiing, not learning a different language, not going dancing more etc...but the majority of regrets are related to relationships with other people."

8. Eat the cake

"AEMT here most patients that I see in my ambulance are too sick to talk in these cases but one sticks with me. A mid-40s male called us for chest pain, put a 12-lead on, and he was in the middle of a massive heart attack( for those that know the term, he was throwing tombstones). The sad part was that he had medical training, so he knew that it wasn’t good. We were screaming to the hospital he looked me dead in the eye and goes, 'I should have ate that f****** cake'when I asked what he meant he told me 'F what others think if it makes you happy do it, eat the cake, pet a squirrel, take a nap. F anyone else it doesn’t matter.' He crashed shortly after we got to er, didn’t come back."

9. I still have growing to do

"'Not yet! I can't die yet. I still have so much growing to do. I want to see my children and grandchildren grow up...' I am a physician trainee who has done a decent amount of palliative care. I have been privileged to hear many stories and be part of many deaths, but I still can't explain why it is that certain lines remain with me and hit me so much harder. The gentleman who told me the line above was in his late 60s to early 70s. It made me reflect on how I view patients in this age group - yes, much older than myself, but still with growing and living to do."


dying woman, final days, woman passing, hospice care, pallative care, hospitalA woman in her final moments.via Canva/Photos

10. They miss their pets

"I had a patient who I was in the room with when her doctor explained she only had a few weeks to live. I knew her well, spent quite a bit of time talking to her up to the news. The days that followed, she seemed to have accepted she was dying. She lived this beautiful, independent, and successful life, maybe not money successful, but just plain happy. Anyways, when I was helping her to the tub on day 10 since receiving the news, she just broke down crying and couldn't stop crying about how much she wished she hadn't put her dog down b/c they could have died together. Come to find out her dog was on his deathbed too. I guess she put her dog down a few days before going into the hospital, she knew her life was over so she put him down first. She hated herself for it and for the fact she blew the opportunity for them to spend their last moments together. Really heartbreaking to watch, to hear that unfold."

11. Should have been more positive

"I shouldn't have spent so much energy on negative emotions / hatred as the things that made me angry now seems completely trivial and I wish I spent my time being more happy and positive in life."

12. The dying reveal their true selves

"You'll find out who they really are when they are dying. Kind, mean, chill, blaming. Just keep asking them to tell stories. They love that."

"I spent a fair amount of time with this man during his last weeks. It’s pretty amazing how different of a person he was just a few months later. Before, he was arrogant, obnoxious, prideful, skeptical, and pretty self-absorbed. He was not a fun patient. But in those last weeks - his whole ego had dissolved. All that was left was just... him. The real him. Or at least it seemed that way to me. The man spent his life working as a writer/reporter for a large political website. He was a very liberal man, and he told me that his biggest regret was absorbing himself in politics."

13. The dying want closure

"I’m a chaplain in hospitals and hospices. Doing everything we can to reconcile people before they die is a large portion of my work. I have a lot of stories. Regrets naturally are expressed at the end of life because people want to close their narratives and they are reflecting on everything they’ve lived. This isn’t scary or heartbreaking, it’s natural and a way to end things with beauty. The important lesson isn’t to focus on the regrets, it’s to live a life now of love, acceptance, and mending bridges because you don’t know when it’ll be your time to tie loose ends."


afterlife, heaven, staircase, god, judgement, religion, final moments, reincarnationThe stairway to heaven. via Canva/Photos

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Doctor reveals major life regret of patients on their deathbed. It’s often overlooked.

“Take the picture.”

Photo credit: Canva

Doctor reveals patients' often overlooked deathbed regret.

Thinking about death is kind of a bummer. Nobody excitedly tells a friend that they're dying or throws a will-writing party, though come to think of it, what a great way to organize your final wishes while blasting early 2000s club music and sipping on sangrias. Note to self: Plan will-writing brunch.

But seriously, thinking about death is uncomfortable and a little scary, so it's understandable that it's not on everyone's "things to do today" list. Sadly, it's part of life and, unsurprisingly, many people die with regrets. The regrets can range from not making the move to Colorado at 25 to turning down the sweet kid from math class that asked you to prom. Hospice and palliative care doctor Kathy Zhang cares for people at the end of their lives on a daily basis and she reveals the biggest regret that haunts patients on their deathbeds.

According to Dr. Zhang, this regret isn't just felt by the dying patient, but also those close to them. She writes in her caption, "I didn’t think I would hear this end of life regret as often as I do: people wish they had taken more photos of themselves. People realize at the end of life that photos are snapshots of memories frozen in time, and that each one carries stories and emotions."

end of life, deathbed, regrets, thoughts, lifeSick Season 11 GIF by One ChicagoGiphy

As technology developed into people owning a supercomputer that fits in their pockets and the palms of their hands, society's views around picture taking has also shifted. On one hand you have people insisting that people simply "enjoy the moment" when they're out with loved ones and stop photographing or recording everything. On the other, you get the instantaneous nature of photographs now.

When the only way to take photos was on film, you had to wait for the photos to be developed and hope that one of them looked kind of okay. Now that photos are instantly visible, people can see themselves essentially in real time so there's plenty opportunities to scrutinize every possible angle of one's face. These photos are also usually promptly uploaded to social media, which isn't known for it's benevolently kind nature. Gone are the days when someone would have to physically come to your home to rummage through photo albums and bins to see you in a bathing suit on your family vacation to the beach.

beach, photos, photo opps, real time, real life, Beach Day Summer GIFGiphy

But the things that are lost along with the slow process of developing film are the memories captured with the people no longer walking the earth. Upworthy shared a photo of a woman who asked to be photoshopped to cover her arms and change the color of her shirt due to her own critiques of her body. Dr. Zhang read some of the comments highlighted by Upworthy from the post, and paused one that stood out to her the most.

"I have barely any pictures of me, for this exact reason. At 41, diagnosed with terminal cancer. Now I'm taking all the pictures, but the girls will really only have pictures of their dying mom, not their healthy one. I have few regrets but, not taking or sharing pictures because I was unhappy with my looks, is absolutely one," the mom writes.

The regret around not having enough photos isn't one that stays only with the dying person. It's a regret that ripples out onto your loved ones who would give everything they could to have more pictures of the person they're now missing.

Dr. Zhang then relays a story of a former patient, saying, "I had a patient once who was in her forties dying and her husband was showing me pictures. The[re] were a few pictures that he had of her a year prior on their vacation in the Caribbean. And she was on a catamaran and her hair was flying everywhere and she was gorgeous. She was stunning. And he said, 'I always thought she was so beautiful and she never wanted to take pictures. What am I supposed to look at now that she's gone?' So please, take the pictures. The people who truly love you just want more of you, no matter what you look like."

The sentiment Dr. Zhang expresses in the video is felt by those in the comments with one person writing, "I felt this. I hate my body and taking pictures. But when my dad died, I had no recent pictures of the two of us. Now, whenever someone asks for a picture of me or with me, I do it. If they love me as is, I can too."

Another says, "Thank you for this. My wonderful Mom died of Alzheimer’s in 2013. I post tributes to her on her birthday, Mother’s Day & the anniversary of her passing each year. I include pictures of her especially so her grandkids who were babies when she was sick can get to see what a vibrant, joyful person she was. But… I have only a precious few pictures of her save for a few formal group shots. Because of this I now make a point to be in photos."

One grieving daughter writes, "My Mom was beautiful. Dad took a portrait photography class & needed to take pictures. She hated having her picture taken, but let him. About 3 years after that - at 44 she died. I've always been grateful for those pictures. I always offer to let the photographer get in the picture & take pictures of them with their family & friends."

loss, family, mourning, photos, memory, loved onesmourning GIFGiphy

Someone else chimes in with gratitude, saying, "Thank you. I have never been a picture person, even as a child. I will do better. The pictures are not for.me but for my children and their children. Thank you."

It may be uncomfortable at first to jump into taking more pictures, but the more you do it, the easier it will become. With selfie sticks, affordable tripods, and built-in photo timers, people can easily set up photos of themselves. So, if you're worried about being on the other end of the camera, remember Dr. Zhang's advice–take the pictures.

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