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A hospice volunteer has a fascinating new take on people's most common deathbed regret

"Grab a hold of them and don't ever let them go."

friendship, love, platonic friends, life lessons
Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

Friends watch a sunset together.

Until the time comes, (and it will come) we can't possibly know how we will feel in our final moments on this Earth. What will run through our minds? Who will run through our minds? Will there be enough dopamine to make it all make sense, or will we be filled with 'what ifs?'

Over the years, many hospital and hospice workers have paid close attention to what people who are on their deathbeds say. What they're most proud of, and yes, what are their main regrets.

The lens through which these caregivers can often see is wiped clear by vulnerability, and what they relay to us could alter the very courses of our lives, if we take heed.

In an online series called 365 Lessons from Strangers, host David Eng interviews people on the street whom he doesn't know for life lessons. In a recent one (life lesson 228), he meets a woman named Kassi who shares a beautiful sentiment.

She is asked, "How can we all live more happily?" and responds, "I've always been struck by the fact that we don't really value platonic relationships in society, the way that we should. I read this wonderful article. It was a person who worked as a hospice nurse, and they asked many, many people who were dying their top regrets in life. And when she averaged it out, the number one regret that people have on their deathbeds is not spending more time with their friends."

Though she didn't name the author, she might be referring to Jancee Dunn's New York Times article, "3 Lessons for Living Well, from the Dying." In it, she discusses her friend who is a hospice volunteer. "She hears one regret over and over from patients: letting relationships wither. They wish that they had made more plans with good friends, or they thought about getting back in touch with an old buddy, and talked themselves out of it."

Kassi continues, "Not that romantic or familial relationships aren't important. But in good times or bad, it's your friends that you want around you."

She makes the distinction between obligatory love (or love that might be perceived that way) and chosen love. "You've got to have somebody that you know loves you. And that doesn’t have any reason to be with you other than that they love you. I think in romantic relationships, there's always that fear that they're with you for sexual reasons or whatever. And that they don't really love and care about you.

But the friend who has no ulterior motives? Who you always know has your best interest at heart. And you can trust that they love you. The rule of thumb is everybody should treat you with respect. There's no reason for anybody to disrespect you. And anybody who really loves you will always treat you with respect. When you find a person who's a good friend, who treats you with respect and loves you for who you are, grab a hold of them and don't ever let them go."

She concludes with a simple, yet lovely thought. "We're here to love and be loved. And to touch others and to be touched by other people. Everything else is secondary. Life is beautiful and it offers a lot of beautiful experiences: nice food, great music. But none of that offers anything near the people that you love and who love you. That's the most important thing. And that's what we're here for."

 friendship, love, plutonic love, life lessons three women walking on brown wooden dock.  Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash  

The comments under her clip are touching. One wrote, "My mother always told me, 'Your friends will get you through life.'"

Another notes, "Platonic relationships are often the unsung heroes of emotional life. Deeply valuable, often more stable than romantic ones and chosen more freely than familial ones."

Many others took the moment to tag their friends in the thread and tell them they loved them.

One commenter mentions author Bronnie Ware who wrote the bestseller The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. They share the list, one which also includes keeping in touch with friends:


"I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I wish I had let myself be happier."

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Man passionately explains the meaning of staircases in movies and now people can't unsee it

Once you hear this explanation, you start seeing it everywhere.

AlbaProductions/YouTube

The staircase scene in "The Princess Diaries 2" is a good example of how stairs are used in film.

Moviemaking magic is part art and part science, and most of us don't fully know how the cinematic sausage gets made. Many people enjoy watching "behind the scenes" and "making of" videos to get a glimpse of what we don't see on camera, but even those don't give us all the ins and outs of how filmmakers create a great movie experience.

Perhaps that's why a video from a woman showing her screenwriter husband geeking out over a very specific element of filmmaking has gone viral. Or, maybe it's because we all love to see people passionately explain something they know about. Either way, his explanation of how staircases are purposefully used to drive the plot and reveal information about characters in movies has people engrossed.

 katharine hepburn, entrance, staircase, scene, film Staircases are used strategically in films.  Giphy  

In the video, the couple is watching The Princess Diaries 2 when the husband pauses the movie and asks his wife, "Have I told you about staircases in film and what they represent in film?" She giggles—clearly this is not an unusual occurrence—and says, "No." He puts down the remote (apparently so he can use both of his hands to talk) and starts in on the lesson.

"A staircase, almost every time in film, is used to visually represent a power dynamic," he says. "A person who is in charge of a situation will be higher up on the steps than a person who is not in charge of the situation."

@leniethamer

Today’s lesson: staircases 😂 maybe one day we will finish the movie lol but I do love the fun facts. #movie #movienerd #geek #princessdiaries #screenwriter #moviereview #disney #disneyplus #annehathaway #chrispine #couplegoals #behindthescenes

He explains that the people higher on the staircase are in command of the scene—they're the ones giving the demands and the orders—and the people lower on the staircase are listening and responding.

"Every single time, without fail, if there is a staircase in a film and someone is walking up it, talking to someone below, they are giving them a command or they are taking control of the scene," he says.

Then he picks the remote up again and proceeds to walk his wife through the scene where Anne Hathaway's character and Chris Pine's character are talking back and forth up a double staircase. As they move up and down the steps, the dynamic of their conversation changes. She starts higher up on the stairs than him, then he moves up to challenge her. She moves over to the other staircase, and for a while they talk at the same level from their respective staircase. You can see the characters fighting for control, visually on equal footing up the stairs, so the audience remains in suspense as to who will come out on top.

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

It was a simple scene analysis, but the video got over 2.5 million views and people loved it:

"People like your husband are the best people to hang out with. I love a sudden, passionate rant about things I've never considered."

"I can’t believe the internet is free. I just got a film education."

"This is why English and media literacy should be classes offered regularly in school and should not be laughed at when people take those classes."

"I loved EVERY second of this."

Many commenters started pointing out examples of this principle in popular films as well. Once you know it, you start seeing it everywhere.

 mean girls, regina george, staircase, power, dynamics Regina George watching the chaos from the top of the stairs in "Mean Girls"  Giphy  

"Me thinking about Regina George on top of the stairs watching the chaos."

"The daughters from Devil Wears Prada when Andy is delivering the book!"

"Crazy Rich Asians has a cool stair case scene when she visits the house for the first time!"

"Just like the Umbridge and McGonagall scene on the hogwarts stairs when they’re arguing. 🥲"

"Everyone else: McGonagall vs Umbridge Me: "PIVOT!!!! PIVOT!!!!""

 friends, moving, pivot, ross gellar, scenes, film and television The famous "PIVOT!" scene from "Friends"  Giphy  

"HARRY POTTER LIVING IN THE ROOM BELOW THE STEPS AND NEVER HAVING A SAY IN THE HOUSE 😩 OMG WAIT"

Experts sharing their niche knowledge, especially when it comes to things we all enjoy, is one of the greatest things to come from social media. Clearly this is the kind of content people want. Thankfully, we have people like this screenwriter husband to give it to us.

You can follow @leniethamer on TikTok for more of her husband's movie analysis moments.

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Millennials are voting on which name represents their generation's 'Karen'

One name group is "fighting for their lives" to not be selected.

@erindiehart/TikTok

Did you name make the list?

Mention the name Karen, and you’re likely to get an immediate image of an aggravatingly entitled, middle-aged, and possibly (definitely) racist woman, who may or may not be donning a spiky short hairdo while asking to speak to the manager.

Well, now there’s a hilariously heated online debate about which Millennial name is the equivalent to that. Let’s see who’s been placed on the chopping block…

This game seemingly started with Erin Dieheart (@erindiehart), who declared that rather than have some boomer or Gen Zers choose the victim, Millennials should decide themselves who the “A-holes” of their generation are.

“I feel like WE should have a say so in this,” Diehart quipped.

 
 @erindieheart #millennialsoftiktok #karen #fyp #foryou ♬ original sound - Erin Dieheart 
 
 

So what names were voted in? See below, and apologies in advance to 80s babies.

Ashley

Brittany

Heather

Amber

Tiffany

Jessica

Nicole

Becky

Kelsey

Honorable mentions:

Michelle

Lauren

Oy boy, did people have OPINIONS on this subject.

“IT’S ASHLEY. I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO WATCH THE REST.”

(As a millennial who was also an avid watcher of Recess, I’m inclined to agree with this comment. Not that anyone asked.)

 
 @disneytva Sorry, Spinelli, them's the rules 😔 . . . 🎥: Recess
 ♬ original sound - disneytva 
 
 


“Beyoncé told us already. It’s Becky.”

“Brittany , Amber, Stephanie. The unholy trinity.”

“I pretty much agree with most except Heather. I’ve never met an evil Heather. They were introverted and docile.”

“You just named an entire cheer squad.”

Then, when it pretty much came down to two names—Jessica and Ashley—the former name began, as Diehart put it in a follow-up video, “fighting for their lives.”

 
 @erindieheart Replying to @It’s me! Jessica! ♬ Mysterious and sad BGM(1120058) - S and N 
 
 

“PLEASE, I’m a good person!” one Jessica begged in the comments section.

“Please guys. The severe ADHD and anxiety in me can’t handle this,” pleaded another. “Leave us Jessicas alone. We already have to deal with ppl calling us Jessie and we hate it. Please we have too much trauma to be a Karen.

Ashleys, it seemed, weren’t so confident in defending themselves.

“As an Ashley I REBUKE this but my mom is named Karen so maybe it’s a sign,” one wrote.

Another admitted, “As an Ashley, I too have been victimized by an Ashley.”

While this is clearly all in good fun, it’s worth noting that the Karen stereotype has negatively affected the lives of countless actual Karens, many of whom have considered changing their own name as to avoid further damage. Statistically speaking, it isn't even women named Karen who end up being the major complainers of their age group. So now they face a punishment they don't necessarily deserve. Maybe we don’t want to continue this trend.

Or maybe I’m saying that out of self preservation, since my own name is among the finalists. Who knows?!

Since Diehart hasn't officially announced or finished collecting votes, you might want to give her a follow to find out what her final verdict will be. And, please, be nice to the Ashleys in your life when that happens.

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In 1973, the Bee Gees sang an unplugged medley tribute to the Beatles. It's gorgeous.

The '70s legends were inspired by the greatest band of the '60s.

via Midnight Special/YouTube

The Bee gees playing a medley of Beatles hits in 1973.

By 1973, the Bee Gees’ career had hit a low. After a series of hits in the late 1960s and early 1970s, including "To Love Somebody," "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart," and "I Started a Joke," the band was in a rut. Their latest album, Life in a Tin Can, and single “Saw a New Morning" sold poorly, and the band’s popularity declined.

On April 6, 1973, the Gibb brothers (Barry, Robin, and Maurice) appeared on The Midnight Special, a late-night TV show that aired on Saturday mornings at 1 a.m. after The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Given the lukewarm reception to their recent releases, the Bee Gees decided to change things up and play a medley of hits from their idols, The Beatles, who had broken up three years before.

 the beatles, bee gees, 1960s The Beatles were the biggest band on Earth in their heyday.  Giphy  

The performance, which featured five of the Fab Four’s early hits, including “If I Fell,” “I Need You,” “I'll Be Back,” “This Boy,” and “She Loves You,” was a stripped-down, acoustic performance that highlighted the Bee Gees' trademark harmonies.

“When you got brothers singing, it’s like an instrument that no one else can buy. You can’t go buy that sound in a shop. You can’t sing like The Bee Gees because when you got family members singing together, it’s unique,” Noel Gallagher, who sang with his brother Liam in Oasis, said according to Far Out.

  - YouTube  youtu.be  

 

A year later, the Bee Gees performed in small clubs, and it looked like their career had hit a dead end. Then, at the urging of their management, the band began to move in a new direction, incorporating soul, rhythm and blues, and a new, underground musical style called disco into their repertoire. Barry also adopted a falsetto singing style popularized by Black singers such as Curtis Mayfield and Marvin Gaye.

This unlikely change for the folksy vocal group catapulted them into the stratosphere and they became the white-satin-clad kings of disco.

  john travolta disco GIF by uDiscoverMusic  Giphy  

In the late ‘70s, the band had massive hits, including songs featured on the 40-million-selling Saturday Night Fever soundtrack: “Stayin’ Alive,” How Deep is Your Love,” More Than a Woman,” Jive Talkin’,” and “Night Fever.”

In 1978, the band made a significant misstep, starring in a musical based on The Beatles' music called Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, produced by Robert Stigwood, the man behind Saturday Night Fever and Grease. The film was a colossal bomb, although the soundtrack sold well.

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

The Beatles' George Harrison thought the Bee Gees film was about what happens when you become successful and greedy.

"I just feel sorry for Robert Stigwood, the Bee Gees, and Pete Frampton for doing it because they had established themselves in their own right as decent artists,” Harrison said. "And suddenly… it's like the classic thing of greed. The more you make the more you want to make, until you become so greedy that ultimately you put a foot wrong."

Even though the Bee Gees’ Beatle-themed musical was a flop, former Beatle John Lennon remained a fan of the group. He sang their praises after the public’s growing distaste of disco resulted in a significant backlash.

 john lennon, the beatles John Lennon was a fan of the Bee Gees.  Giphy  

"Try to tell the kids in the seventies who were screaming to the Bee Gees that their music was just the Beatles redone,” he told Playboy magazine in 1980. “There is nothing wrong with the Bee Gees. They do a damn good job. There was nothing else going on then."

The Bee Gees historic career ended when Maurice passed away in 2003 at 53. Robin would follow in 2009 at 62. Barry is the final surviving member of the band.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Financially successful people who grew up poor share the 'cheap' money habits they still use

"Still comparing prices on everything even if I can afford both."

Image via Canva

People who grew up poor but found financial success share their "cheap" money habits.

People who grew up poor belong to a unique club. They can fully understand each other's childhood experiences regarding money and financial hardships. Even when money is flowing and available in the present day, past financial experiences can still impact their current money habits.

In a Reddit subforum of people discussing their experiences growing up poor, member Civil-Awareness posed the question: "People who grew up poor but now have money what cheap habit do you still can't shake?"

Many people who grew up poor opened up about how their childhoods continue to impact their spending habits. These are 22 of their relatable responses.

 thrifty, thrift, saving money, frugal, money habits Leah Remini Budget GIF by TV Land  Giphy  

"Still comparing prices on everything even if I can afford both." —CheekyClair

"I always feel a twinge of guilt buying something that wasn't on the list, especially if it's not something we necessarily need or a name brand." —pippintook24

"I still wear clothes until they're literally falling apart instead of buying new ones when I should." —jcf1211

"I still turn off every light the second I leave a room, can’t help it, it’s wired into me." —michaelmorgan297

 turn off lights, lights, save energy, light switch, electricity Turn On GIF by Alexis Tapia  Giphy  

"Using plastic grocery bags as trash can liners." —chichiski

"Buying reduced price short date food." —Unique-Demand-9954

"We still eat Kraft dinners, we just eat more. Oh and have fancy Dijon ketchup with them." —ouzo84•6h ago

 kraft, kraft dinner, mac and cheese, kraft gif, mac and cheese gif Loop Falling GIF by JOSH HILL  Giphy  

"I still have to justify my purchases. My wife absolutely hates it, but if I can’t truly justify a ‘want’ purchase, I don’t do it. IE, we are at the mall and I see a shirt I really like, I will debate on it, stew on it, thinking I already have X # of shirts, do I really need this? What makes it better than my other shirts? Is the quality better? Does its color go better with my other pants? Does it fit better? Often the answer is no but I’ve spent 20 minutes pacing in the mall window shopping with my wife debating on a $30 shirt that I don’t buy. As an example." —AmericanMeltdown

"I still eat 'poor meals' and enjoy them." —j0nny5iv3

 old car, bad car, crap car, car, car gif Old Car GIF by ABC Network  Giphy  

"Keep a sh*t car." —Own-Load-7041

"I won't leave food on my plate. This really doesn't help with weight control but when you grow up knowing if you don't eat it, that's money wasted, it's a really hard habit to break." —HNot

"I use stuff until it breaks. I have more than enough money to buy a new TV but I'm still using my dads old tv from 20 Years ago. It has HD, 40'' and is a flat screen. No reason to change it even tho I often want a better one." —Gnomax

"Hoarding condiment packets from restaurants like they're precious treasure. Old habits die hard..." —TheLordMyDog

 condiments, condiment, condiment packet, condiment packets, packet condiment Too Much Cooking GIF by CBC  Giphy  

"Adding water to my shampoo, conditioner, soap, etc. to get the last little bit out." —NolinNa

"Eating leftovers for days." —truefan31

"Buying generic everything at the grocery store even though I can afford name brands now." —high_kew

"Keeping everything bc what if I need it." —Constantdehydration

 keeping things, stuff, keep stuff, maire kondo, clutter Max Greenfield Comedy GIF by CBS  Giphy  

"Looking at price tags before items. I’m trying to look at items first, but sometimes I can’t help it." —TropicalTrainwreck

"I thrift almost all of my clothing. It feels dumb to blow $$ on brands." —sweetnothings94

 thrifting, thrift, thrift shop, thrifting clothes, thrift gif National Thrift Shop Day GIF  Giphy  

"When the deodorant runs out, but you can still pop the plastic thing out and get the bits leftover and rub them into your pits." —midijunky

"When staying at a hotel that offers a breakfast buffet, I'll eat as much as I can, then assemble a lunch before I leave." —azninvasion2000

"Working two jobs. I have no real need to work either job, but psychologically, I can't kick the fear of not bringing in a stable income." —Ok-Telephone-605

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People are praising 96-year-old grandma's advice to 'separate your actions from your feelings'

"Don't lie to yourself by using your feelings as an excuse."

Image via Canva

96-year-old grandma gives advice on separating actions from feelings to accomplish goals.

The Silent Generation, those born from between 1928 and 1945, is made up of people who lived through the Great Depression and World War II. Defined by living through these hardships, their strength and perseverance continues to inspire younger generations today--including Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Alpha.

Over on Reddit in a subforum discussing how to become more disciplined, member Limp_Edu4797 shared an impactful piece of advice from his 96-year-old grandma on not letting feelings and emotions get in the way of remaining disciplined and working through hard things.

In the post, he shared: "For a long time, I was stuck in this cycle where I'd only be productive when I felt like it. If I was in a bad mood, I'd tell myself to wait until tomorrow. When I was tired, I'd take a Netflix break. If I was stressed about something, I'd procrastinate until my headspace cleared up," he wrote. "One day, my grandma was watching me complain about how I couldn't get anything done because I was 'too anxious' about some work project."

 feelings, emotions, stress, anxiety, anxious Abc Reaction GIF by The Bachelorette  Giphy  

He goes on to explain that while he was expecting his grandma to have more sympathy for him, she instead offered him hard-hitting advice from her own life experience. He continued, "She just looked at me and said, 'You know, during the war, we didn't have the luxury of waiting until we felt good to do what needed doing.' Then she told me something I'll never forget: 'You need to separate your actions from your feelings!'"

He adds that his grandma notices young people these days "think their feelings and their actions are married to each other. Happy means productive, sad means lazy, scared means stop. But that's just a story we tell ourselves."

It's a lot different from how she experienced life. She told him, "I didn't feel like rationing food or working on the farm. But I did it anyway. Not because I ignored my feelings, but because I did it WITH my feelings."

 do it, action, feel your feelings, keep going, perservere Yes You Can Lets Go GIF by Bridge and Tunnel on EPIX  Giphy  

When he tried to explain that things these days are just different, she didn't argue with him. "She just nodded and said, 'You're probably right. But here's what I learned: don't lie to yourself by using your feelings as an excuse. Don't say: I'm stressed, so I can't do it.' She told me to change the narrative and tell myself: 'I'm stressed, that's fine, so I'll do it stressed.'"

Her wise words are resonating with younger generations online. "I didn't know I needed this today. Thank you. Your grammas words are hitting hard for me this morning and I appreciate it! Fell all your feelings, they're valid, but stay disciplined with those feelings. Not in spite of them," one commented.

 focus, stay focused, disciplined, stay disciplined, be disciplined Tiffany Haddish Goals GIF by BuzzFeed  Giphy  

Another wrote, "I think this is the root of many differences between our newer generations and our older ones. We are swung far in the direction of acknowledging our feelings, validating them, etc.—so far, perhaps, that we have arrived in a place where feelings dictate our actions. That’s what you’re describing. There’s a happy medium, and it’s required for healthy functioning adults. Sometimes situations warrant being overridden by emotion. Most don’t. You get to/have to choose what kind of person to be."

Another quipped, "I Can Do it With a Broken Heart but make it depression era," referencing the Taylor Swift hit.

 taylor swift, taylor swift song, i can do it with a broken heart, t swift, taylor swift gif Broken Heart Dancing GIF by Taylor Swift  Giphy  

Others were slightly skeptical of the advice she gave. "I get the validity in this, truly. But, we’ve also acknowledged how their stiff approach harbors trauma responses that can last generations. It’s okay to have hard feelings. We can acknowledge them, but she is right to encourage you to keep moving forward. But, we should always listen to our bodies and see where that feeling is coming from," another shared.

Ultimately, many appreciated the focus on re-framing your mindset to accomplish goals and remain disciplined. Another commented, "So much to 'discipline' is what????? The mental game. There are lots of ways to attack the mental game. At the core is…re-framing….reframing our mindset, how we look at, process our thoughts, approach to things we know we should do, want to, but don’t. Grandma was on to something with her 'separate' feelings from actions approach."

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