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Supportive husband writes a fantastic 'love list' to his depressed wife

“He knows I struggle to see good in the world, and especially the good in myself. But here it is."

Image from Imgur.

Husband shares a list of love with his wife.

Imgur user "mollywho" felt her life was falling apart. Not only was she battling clinical depression, but she had her hands full.

"I've been juggling a LOT lately," she wrote on Imgur. "Trying to do well at work. Just got married. Couldn't afford a wedding. Family is sparse. Falling out with friends, yaddadyadda.”

She was also upset about how she treated her new husband.

"I've not been the easiest person to deal with. In fact, sometimes I've lost all hope and even taken my anger out on my husband."


When she returned home from a business trip in San Francisco, mentally exhausted, she collapsed on her bed and cried. Then she noticed some writing on the bedroom mirror. It was a list that read:

Reasons I love my wife

1. She is my best friend
2. She never quits on herself or me
3. She gives me time to work on my crazy projects
4. She makes me laugh, every day
5. She is gorgeous
6. She accepts the crazy person i am
7. She's the kindest person i know
8. She's got a beautiful singing voice

9. She's gone to a strip club with me
10. She has experienced severe tragedy yet is the most optimistic person about humanity i know
11. She has been fully supportive about my career choices and followed me each time
12. Without realizing it, she makes me want to do more for her than i have ever wanted to do for anyone
13. She's done an amazing job at advancing her career path
14. Small animals make her cry
15. She snorts when she laughs

love letters, support, marriage, mental illness

The list of love.

Image from Imgur.

This amazing show of support from her husband was exactly what she needed. "I think he wanted me to remember how much he loves me," she wrote. "Because he knows how quickly I forget. He knows I struggle to see good in the world, and especially the good in myself. But here it is. A testament and gesture of his love. Damn, I needed it today…"

She ended her post with some powerful words about mental illness.

"I'm not saying mental illness is cured by nice words on a mirror. In fact, it takes professional care, love, empathy, sometimes even medication just to cope. Many people struggle with it mental illness - more than we probably even realize. And instead of showing them hate or anger when they act out. Show them kindness and remind them things can and WILL get better. Everyone needs a little help sometimes. If that person can't be you - see if you have any resources for therapy."


This article originally appeared on 12.10.15

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Health

Relationship expert shares her advice on how to 'stop an argument in its tracks'

She has the perfect question to ask once your partner gets defensive.

via LaurenConsul/TikTok and Pexels

Therapist Lauren Consul has one trick to stop arguments before they begin.

Arguments start to take off when one partner begins to get defensive. So, therapist Lauren Consul shared her relationship-saving tip to "stop an argument in its tracks" when one partner goes into self-preservation mode.

Lauren Consul is a couples and sex therapist who’s developed a following of nearly 160,000 people on TikTok and has received over 5.4 million likes. She is an infidelity expert and hosts retreats to help people "survive and thrive" after one partner has strayed.

"The next time you and your partner are talking, and your partner becomes defensive, I want you to do this: Pause, and say, 'I want to understand what happened there. What did you hear me say?'" Consul says in her TikTok video with over 42,000 views.

"This question is key because it does one of two things," she continued. "First, it can allow for clarification. A lot of times when we've become defensive, we've interpreted something our partner has said incorrectly. We've run it through a filter, we've told ourselves a story about it, it's triggered something... So we're not actually hearing what our partner says, and it allows for clarification."

@laurenconsul

#communicationtools #communicationtools #defensiveness #couplesargument #learnontiktok #cyclebreaker #couplestherapist #relationshiptherapist #marriagecounseling #mytherapistsays #therapytol #tiktoktherapist

"The second thing: If your partner did interpret what you said correctly, it gives you an opportunity to slow things down and understand what is happening for them and address the underlying issue, rather than get caught in a spiral of defensiveness," she continued.

Consul's advice for stopping arguments before they explode is helpful because it clears up any potential misunderstandings. The key is to remember the tactic in the heat of the moment to prevent things from getting out of hand.


This article originally appeared on 3.16.23

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Health

How does a kid cope in life after accidentally killing his brother? John did.

A childhood game went very wrong.

Image from "American Idol"/YouTube.

John Arthur Greene (left) and his brother Kevin


A childhood game can go very wrong in the blink of an eye.

"You'll never get me!"

“Freeze! Put your hands up."

If you've ever played cops and robbers, you know how the game goes.

John Arthur Greene was 8 and he was playing that game with his older brother Kevin. Only the two brothers played with real guns. Living on a farm, they were both old hands at handling firearms by their ages.

The blast from the gun must have startled them both.

firearms, family, children

John Arthur Greene (left) and his brother Kevin.

Image from "American Idol"/YouTube.

“We were always extremely safe. They were never loaded," John said.

Except this time it was. And John's brother died in his arms while he watched.

It happens more often than you would ever want to imagine.

In federal data from 2007 to 2011, which is likely under-reported, an average of 62 children were accidentally killed by firearms per year.

Here's a chilling example from Everytown for Gun Safety:

"In Asheboro, North Carolina, a 26-year-old mother was cleaning her home when she heard a gunshot. Rushing into the living room, she discovered that her three-year-old son had accidentally shot her boyfriend's three-year-old daughter with a .22-caliber rifle the parents had left in the room, loaded and unlocked."

And the numbers may actually be getting worse.

With an increase in unfettered access to guns and philosophical opposition to gun regulations, the numbers seem to be on the rise. Here's how many accidental shootings happened at the hands of children in 2015 alone, by age:

gun safety, laws, research data on gun deaths

Unintentional Firearm Injuries & Deaths, 2015.

From January 19-26 of 2016 — just one week — at least seven kids were accidentally shot by another kid.

American Idol, guilt and sorrow, accidental shootings

Accidental shootings of kids in one week, January 2016.

If the pace holds up for the rest of the year, America would be looking at over 300 accidental shootings of children, in many cases by children, for the year. That's far too many cases of children either carrying the guilt and pain of having shot a loved one or hurting or killing themselves by accident.

John Arthur Greene has been able to manage his feelings of guilt and sorrow through music and by sharing his story for others to hear.

He told his story during an audition for the final season of "American Idol." He says music has helped him keep his brother's memory alive:

"Right now I lift him up every day and he holds me up. Music is how I coped with everything."

It's a powerful reminder. No matter how we each feel about gun safety laws, guns should always be locked away unloaded and kept separately from ammunition.

Our babies are too precious to leave it to chance.

Watch John Arthur Greene's audition for "American Idol" here:

This article originally appeared on 03.07.16

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Couple married for 69 years shares their secrets to a successful marriage

The husband's "2 o'clock in the morning" answer, though.

Representative photo by micheile henderson on Unsplash

Couples who have been married a long time have a thing or two to teach us.

"For as long as we both shall live" may be the standard expectation for marriages just starting out, but the reality is a bit different. About half of first marriages end in divorce, and fewer than 5% of marriages last 50 years or more.

Couples who have been married for over 60 years are even rarer to find, but one couple who is pushing 70 years of married life has grabbed the attention of millions on Yair Brachiyahu's TikTok channel.

Surely, two people who have managed to stay together for almost seven decades know something most people don't about what a successful marriage entails, so Yair asked them what advice they'd give for a long and healthy marriage.

The husband chimed in first with a classic, humorous quip—"Just say yes all the time,"—to which they both laughed.

"Just never to fight," the wife said. "No fighting, great marriage."

Yair then asked what they love most about each other. She said she loves when he listens, to which they both laughed again. Then he said he loves "just about everything" about her.

The couple met through friends, and she said he fell for her immediately. He didn't argue with that, saying he fell for looks, body and personality. "That's all you need," he said, adding "She had no money," with a laugh.

When asked how they've been able to stay married for 69 years, they both responded that you have to bend a little—or a lot—and "you have to accept the good and the bad in the person."

And then the finale, when Yair asked what was the best time they've had together. Watch:

@yairbrachiyahu

69 Years Married Couple Give Advice… #interview #lifelessons #longervideos #marriage

People weighed in with their thoughts.

"The magic of 2 o'clock in the morning 😂😂," wrote one person.

"Their sense of humor is obviously one of the reasons they have kept the marriage intact," wrote another.

Some people really resonated with the "accept the good and the bad in the person" advice, others loved how he said, "say yes all the time," while others focused on the "no fighting."

One of the striking things about the couple's advice is how seemingly simple it all is.

"No fighting" may seem unrealistic or even unhealthy to some, but there's a difference between disagreeing and fighting. Research shows that happily married people do get into arguments sometimes, but they disagree and argue differently than couples who aren't happy.

“Happy couples tend to take a solution-oriented approach to conflict, and this is clear even in the topics that they choose to discuss,” said Amy Rauer, associate professor of child and family studies and director of the Relationships and Development Lab in the College of Education, Health, and Human Sciences at the University of Tennessee. Rauer was the lead author on a study that examined the marital problems happy couples face. One finding from the study is that happy couples choose their battles and focus on dealing with more solvable problems first.

“If couples feel that they can work together to resolve their issues, it may give them the confidence to move on to tackling the more difficult issues,” Rauer shared.

Accepting the good and the bad is solid advice, provided the bad isn't something abusive or damaging in some way. Expecting our partners to be perfect or holding them to an unachievable standard leads to conflict and resentment.

And bending? That's key. Marriage is a give-and-take, two-way relationship and both parties have to be flexible.

As for the 2 o'clock in the morning answer, well that's open to interpretation. But it seems pretty clear that the shared attraction that brought them together is still alive and well.

Yair interviews a lot of people in their golden years who share their wisdom and life lessons. You can follow him on TikTok here.


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