Man's anonymous open letter to the woman he followed to her car will give you chills.

via Shutterstock

The feeling of being followed is scary for everyone, but when you're a woman, it's a special sort of nightmare.

We're told constantly we should spend money on cabs instead of public transportation after dark, we should always walk with a friend at night or jog with a friend in the morning, and we should turn our keys into weapons by white-knuckling them in our fists.

Out of all of the men I know, there isn't a single one who carries pepper spray, a whistle, or any other kind of protective device on their person at all times. That's why, when a man on Reddit posted a sort of "Missed Connections"-style letter about a woman he followed, people were quick to brace themselves.


The man, "u/Karlosmdq" posted the following:

We were walking in oposite directions near the new studient accomodations, you briefly looked at me and kept walking and a couple of seconds later I turned around and started following you, I notice the moment you realised that I was following you by how your pace changed, your shoulders squared and you grabbed your phone. That didn't stopped me, you just kept walking and I maintained the distance (some 50 feet behind you) pretending to talk on my phone, I thought a couple of times on closing the distance and introduce myself, talk to you, but I didn't, so you kept walking, throuwing glances to check where I was. I could also tell you that once you turned around the corner to the dead end street next to the motorway (the only one near the city centre were parking is not measured) were your car (and mine) was parked that if you had being wearing tennis shoes you would probably have started to run, but wisely you kept you pace in your high heel boots. I stopped by my car, yours was further down the street, and used my phone again, and I saw you taking a picture or video of my when you passed by my side in your car.

What you probably never noticed was the other two guys, the ones in the other sidewalk, the ones that pointed at you and started to follow you before we crossed the first time, you didn't notice how they looked at you or the fact that they seemed to be on drugs, or a bit drunk, or maybe both. You also didn't notice when you passed me in your car that they were in the corner of the dead end street, looking at you in your car passing by and then at me. You also missed the next ten minutes while I waited in my car for the police to arrive (that I called while you were getting into your car), the 15 minutes of questions that followed and me showing them the picture of the two guys that I took while I was following you.

I really sorry that I scared you, but to be completely honest, I was really scared myself, I'm no hero by any means and my instinct was telling me to get the f*** out of there, but you could have been my wife (she parks in the same street) or my daughter and I wouldn't fogived myself I something happened and I did nothing to stopped it.

(Belfast, 14 Nov 18, 4pm)

He later edited the post for clarity:

1. I shared this because the situation scared me, and if a similar situation happened somewhere else I wish that the situation is not ignored or shrugged off. Do I have any advice? Dunno, probably just this: if you think that you are being followed or that something is wrong, don’t wait to see what happen, call the police, call a friend, a family member, knock on a door or get into a shop, worst case scenario you’ll look a bit paranoid.

2. She was carrying some sort of briefcase alongside her purse and was well dressed, I think that the briefcase was what called those guys attention .

3. They seemed to be waiting for an opportunity, that was the main reason why I didn’t approached, I was afraid that I would sort of trigger them and offer a second target (still, probably wrong on my side, but in the moment that's what I thought).

4. I called the police because if those guys were trying to assault her, more than likely it wasn’t the first time and / or they would go for another victim, if it was a mistake worst case scenario they spent 10 mins talking to the police (no idea if they caught them).

5. I parked my car in the dead end street and was walking towards the city centre, she was coming from the city centre, obviously I didn’t know where she was heading, if instead of turning to the dead end street she had continued walking I would had probably approach her, or she would had reach another street that has more traffic and there are more people walking around.

Many people were moved by the story:

"lsweetie7" wrote:

My daughter is attending school in Belfast. She is an international student, out of her element, homesick, and going through some stuff, so being completely aware of her surroundings is probably not her strong suit right now. Hopefully not, but this could have been her. Thank you, even if she doesn't know.

"bluebayou19" wrote:

That's a good deed, friend. I'm a woman with two daughters. I hope someone would do the same for them, or me. Wouldn't it be nice if we all looked out for one another like this? Well done.

"Toasted_ravioli" wrote:

That was NOT an ending that I expected. You are an amazing person, thank you for keeping an eye on that woman. You probably saved her life.

However, some people questioned his method, as "TemporaryBoyfriend," asked:

Ladies, is there a way to do this without freaking the shit out of you? I like the idea of offering help, I dislike the idea of causing distress and becoming the creep.

"Jenthing" offered this approach:

I would personally be okay with being approached gently, with non-threatening posture (hands at sides, not in pockets, arms and face relaxed, normal eye contact) and having a man tell me what's going on. In this case a greeting wouldn't be necessary, just something like, "Excuse me. I noticed those men start following you, and I got concerned. Would it be alright if I walked with you?" And take her answer as is. If she says no, tell her to be careful and alert her that you're going to call the police (if the situation warrants it), and then stop following her/walking with her.

Regardless of his method, we're all glad she got home safely

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Photo by Gregory Hayes on Unsplash

"Can I buy you a drink?" is a loaded question.

It could be an innocent request from someone who's interested in having a cordial conversation. Other time, saying "yes" means you may have to fend off someone who feels entitled to spend the rest of the night with you.

In the worst-case scenario, someone is trying to take advantage of you or has a roofie in their pocket.

Feminist blogger Jennifer Dziura found a fool-proof way to stay safe while understanding someone's intentions: ask for a non-alcoholic beverage or food. If they're sincerely interested in spending some time getting to know you, they won't mind buying something booze-free.

RELATED: States are starting to require mental health classes for all students. It's about dang time.

But if it's their intention to lower your defenses, they'll throw a mild tantrum after you refuse the booze. Her thoughts on the "Can I buy you a drink?" conundrum made their way to Tumblr.

via AshleysCo / Tumblr


via AshleysCo / Tumblr

The posts caught the attention of a bartender who knows there are lot of men out there whose sole intention is to get somone drunk to take advantage.

"Most of the time, when someone you don't know is buying you a drink, they're NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality," the bartender wrote. "They're buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down."

So they shared a few tips on how to be safe and social when someone asks to buy you a drink.

From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time. Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, "serve her a stronger drink, I'm trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?" usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her. Now, I like to think I'm a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl's more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her.
But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you don't know is buying you a drink, they're NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, they're buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down.

Tips for getting drinks-

1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and you're none the wiser.

2.IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesn't give two shits that you're not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you don't want to let your guard down around strangers. Usually, you can just tell the bartender that you'd like something light, and that's a big clue to us that you're uncomfortable with whomever you're standing next to. Again, we see this all the time.

3. If you're in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol:
Here's a list of light liquors, and mixers that won't get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail:

X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state.
Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%.
Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%.
Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21%
Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%.
Hope this helps someone out!

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If you do accept a drink from someone at a bar and you want to talk, there's no need to feel obligated to spend the rest of the night with them.

Jaqueline Whitmore, founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach, says to be polite you only have to "Engage in some friendly chit-chat, but you are not obligated to do more than that."

If someone asks to buy you a drink and you don't want it, Whitmore has a great tip. "Say thank you, but you are trying to cut back, have to drive or you don't accept drinks from strangers," Whitmore says.

What if they've already sent the drink over? "Give the drink to the bartender and tell him or her to enjoy it," Whitmore says.

Have fun. Stay safe, and make sure to bring a great wing-man or wing-woman with you.

Well Being
Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

Jasmine has been used as a natural treatment for depression, anxiety, and stress for thousands of years. Oil from the plant has also been used to treat insomnia and PMS, and is considered a natural aphrodisiac. It turns out, our ancestor's instincts to slather on the oil when they wanted a little R&R were correct.

A study, published in the Journal of Biological Chemistry, and according to Professor Hanns Hatt of the Ruhr University in Bochum, Germany, revealed that jasmine can calm you down when you're feeling anxious.The results can "be seen as evidence of a scientific basis for aromatherapy."

"Instead of a sleeping pill or a mood enhancer, a nose full of jasmine from Gardenia jasminoides could also help, according to researchers in Germany. They have discovered that the two fragrances Vertacetal-coeur (VC) and the chemical variation (PI24513) have the same molecular mechanism of action and are as strong as the commonly prescribed barbiturates or propofol," says the study.

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Rep. Peter King (R-NY) is a name you should remember. If you don't follow politics closely, remember his name because he's the first Republican in Congress to openly join the call for a renewed federal ban on assault weapons.

If you're a Democrat or a diehard progressive partisan, remember his name because it's proof that as a nation we can put principles before party and walk across the political aisle to get things done.

If you're a Republican, remember his name as evidence that real leadership in politics sometimes means risking your reputation to do what is right even when most of your colleagues disagree or lack the political courage to go first.

But let's allow Rep. King to explain himself in his own words:

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