Socially awkward people share the 11 signs they were becoming more confident and outgoing

There are many disadvantages to being socially awkward. In a society where socially adept people are more likely to advance at their jobs, find romantic partners, and forge healthy relationships with friends and family, the dark side is that isolated people have a much shorter lifespan than those with a fulfilling social life.

The good news is that, like most things in life, people can teach themselves to socialize better. Behavioral therapy can also go a long way in making people feel more comfortable around others. But the question remains: how does one know if all the work they put into being more social is paying off? How do you know that your social skills are improving when you never knew what it was like to be a socially comfortable person in the first place? What does progress look like?

A group on Reddit shared what it looks and feels like to improve your social skills. The conversation gave some people a sense of accomplishment, knowing they had learned to become more comfortable in social situations. For others, it provided a roadmap of things to look for as they work to overcome their social discomfort.

Here are 11 best responses to the question: “What are some signs that your social skills are improving?”

1. The cringe is gone

"You don’t cringe as much after talking to people, convos don’t feel forced, and you’re not stressing about what to say next. People actually stick around to chat, too."

2. No need to rehearse

"You're no longer rehearsing every conversation in the shower... just the arguments you'll never have."

"Ah yes, the shower debate championships: where you win every argument flawlessly and deliver Oscar-worthy comebacks... 3 years too late. Honestly, though, if you’re no longer overthinking every casual convo and saving the mental energy just for imaginary mic-drop moments, that’s some serious progress. We love to see it."

3. People want to hang

"When people invite you to hang out. Previous social interactions have made them want to spend more time with you."

"Totally when people start inviting you, it means they actually enjoy being around you. It’s like proof that the effort you’re putting into connecting with others is paying off."

4. Longer conversations

"I think a subtle one is that your conversations tend to last longer. You get less awkward silences, fewer people wanting to leave because you are awkward or no one knows what to say. Also, people are usually more attentive when speaking because your conversation flows better."

"I love this - in addition to what you said, when I'm at my least social / most awkward, I notice that I tend to end conversations pretty quickly, mostly because I'm so anxious about not picking up cues from the other person. I realize that this is kind of the opposite of what you may have been getting at, but I'm finding it to be a helpful reminder that people are not always desperate to leave a conversation as quickly as possible."

5. You can say no

"Saying NO with disregard to how it will affect others feelings."

6. It didn't get weird

"You had a normal conversation where things didn't go weird, and you didn't even notice until afterward."

7. Active listening mode, unlocked

"I love to see all the progress y’all have made in the comments; so wholesome. If you find yourself actively listening more than preparing to respond, it demonstrates a massive improvement."

"Active listening is so huge. One of the best conversation tips is to be more interested in others than in yourself."

People often think that they have to be witty, charming and full of interesting opinions, but, in reality, people will like you if you simply listen. Matt Abrahams, a Stanford communications expert and host of the "Think Fast, Talk Smart" podcast, says people shouldn’t feel pressured to be interesting. In fact, if they want to be liked, they should be more focused on asking thoughtful questions and listening deeply. Simply put, “the goal is to be interested, not interesting,” Abrahams said, paraphrasing matchmaker and author Rachel Greenwald.

“It’s about curiosity,” Abrahams said. “Starting with questions, observing things in context, bringing up relevant information.

8. Define social, please

"It depends on what you define as social skills, but I define it as being able to accomplish things (resolve conflict, make money, make friends, take advantage of people, hurt people, lie to people, whatever it is you want to do) by socializing.
A lot of people (ironically, people without social skills) like to try to flex like they are very socially skilled, but it doesn't actually mean one is a better person."

9. You're involved

"People find the need to involve you. Either a simple text saying that they've done something and wanted to share or inviting you out to join in an event. They enjoy your presence."

10. People make fun of you

"People make fun of you in a banter-y way. They don't do that to people they pity or think will take it the wrong way."

11. 'Pillow words'

"Personally, I've gotten better at being less direct and matter-of-fact. My boss used to tell me all the time to use 'pillow words.' I'm saying the exact same thing, but with more words added and more formalities. My mom would tell me I need to talk to people like they're kindergarteners because people unconsciously talk more sweetly to kids. I still don't entirely understand why adding more words and formalities makes what I say seem nicer when I'm giving them the same message. I still don't get why I need to talk sweetly when I'm just conveying information. But I'm having more positive interactions than before, so I guess I'll keep trying to use them."